Weirdest Crap Seen in Prisons | People Stories #15

prison jail guards of reddit what's the weirdest crap you've seen while walking past a cell on your patrol my old martial arts teacher was a prison guard for years these are his stories the poop guy one guy was just a depraved psycho who liked to smear crap all over himself and mock the guards because nobody wanted to go in there and grab him to throw him in the shower so instead they got a powerful fire hose and blasted him and everything in his cell clean it seemed to work quite well fork dick he liked to put forks down his dong the golden staff that is he was infected and he knew it he used it as a weapon by constantly cutting himself and trying to smear people with his blood around the eyes and mouth let's just say the cameras were pushed aside a few times away from his cell the nut ball this was a five-foot weasley guy on m ten guards could not take him down there is footage of this tiny guy surrounded by guards rolling around and he's still in a boxing stance bouncing on the spot blood dripping down his face last was playing in god mode my mom is in rn at a prison she said one dude peed in another guy's shoes so the other guy peed on the initial p perpetrator's face while he was asleep the following night it was a literal p contest i was ceo for five years spent some time working in ad seg got cut with a razor blade across the right hand and left wrist 47 stitches worth there was a guy who could fell at himself just the sound was enough to turn my stomach one kid had what he called a pillow h the most dangerous inmate wrote children's books we had a serial killer who only killed rich gay men and was an expert martial artist he could do splits all van damme style really interesting character in case i should do an ama while doing my routine rounds one night i witnessed a gentleman stick his hand up his anus well past the wrist to extract fesses and throw it against the wall consume it most disturbing thing i have witnessed for sure gentleman haha i was a carer for about eight months i was doing a routine walk through of the block on night and found a guy walking around like a zombie i tried to stop the guy but he just kept going until i stepped in front of him i found out from a few of the guys close to his bunk that he had been cheeking his seizure medication and decided to take a bunch of it at once i ended up calling medical and having the guy taken outside of the prison to the hospital i rode in the ambulance to the hospital where i had to stay in the room with the inmate watch a catheter go in and watch his stomach get pumped also got to stand with the doctor while the guy was in a cat scan was pretty cool watching the pictures of his brain scan come through i was officer for five years one incident happened while i was walking the top tear at high desert state prison while i went from pod day to pod b from the middle doors all the white inmates at the tables on the bottom tier just started giggling as i approached one of the cells in my head i was wondering why the frick are they just giggling like little girls then i as i passed the cell and looked and i saw one guy sitting next to another guy with his arm around him he was giving him a handy the bottom tear uploaded with laughter i feel like the worst part of this story is that you live in sussenville i'm not a guard but my class to radia county jail once as the sheriff took us past the padded cell he pointed out several chip marks in the small glass window turns out an inmate had pulled out her own tooth and attempted to chip through the window with it in no specific order a butt plug fashioned out of soap a guy furiously masturbating with the cell light on not trying to hide anything i mean he was freaking going at it pretty much everything in the mental health unit i didn't witness it but some guy cut his wrist used a pen insert as a straw to suck blood out of his wrist spit it into a bowl then he drank it he passed out shortly thereafter crap art is hideous especially when mixed with period blood guy went to the hospital for stomach pains apparently he tried doing butt stuff with his radio and it went past the past the point of retrieval other than the fricked up stuff there are really some interesting people with some really interesting cases there was a guy i went to high school with who got locked up for smoking dip or wet or whatever it's called now he was in jail and was being so freaking weird that they put him in his own cell that night he had to take a crap so obviously he crap in his own hand he took said crap and smeared it all over himself mostly his head and face he proceeded to style the crap on top of his head like hair his favorite apparently being a mohawk a guard walked by that morning and saw that he had a dried crusted crap mohawk and crap all over his hands and body surprisingly there was none of his crap on anything else and that's why i don't smoke embalming fluid because of how our facility is set up the inmates are able to drain the toilet in their cell and talk through it to random inmates in other housing units once in a while you'll walk by a cell doing a round and see a guy honey over the toilet talking into it through a rolled up magazine i am a ceo in a medium security prison at the beginning of each shift we count whatever wing we are assigned to i'll try to describe what i observed the inmates bunks are made of steel frames with steel springs that their mattresses sit on as i came by this particular cell i witnessed an inmate using a trash bag as lube and was freaking the small space between the steel frame and one of the springs basically he was sitting on his bunk had his pants down around his ankles with his dong shoved down between his thighs every few seconds or so he would lift himself up with his arms and shove his dong back down between the steel he used the trash bag to soften the friction i guess it was used as an entry point for his dong i didn't say crap just kept walking not so much wtf is how interesting only been on the job for about a year at the time been doing it a decade now and i walk by this cell in maximum this inmate is making all these really short stiff jerky movements so i finish my security check and ask an old-timer about it come to find out the inmate was one of the most combative ones we had and he was practicing martial arts as if he was wearing full restraints belly chain leg irons evidently was pretty good at it too well i work in a prison and i've seen some crazy crap one of our inmates likes to poop in his cell and wipe it all over his cell walls sometimes he prefers to roll it into little balls that he flicks under the cell door just recently one of our inmates found out he has aids he got extremely upset and threatened suicide so he was put on suicide watch on suicide watch their cells are emptied completely and clothes taken away in lieu of a suicide dress he was pee about having his things taken away so he decided that he was going to try and give everyone else aids how he began biting the tips of his fingers off and flicking blood all over his cell window and walls it was pretty bad i've seen a ton of wieners peeing which is actually kind of weird considering i would only ever see that view if i was pee in front of a mirror i have a lot more but i'm sure this will get buried anyways not in law enforcement but my best friend works at texas department of criminal justice as a guard he's told me about how he's seen inmates try to hang themselves one was definitely getting their fap on specifically to him but one really disturbed him he caught a man slicing his stomach open and his intestines falling out my friend is still a college student and hates that job because of the negativity and how miserable the inmates are i can't even imagine what you other guys go through worked in psychiatry and i'm checking everyone for safety i walk into this bedroom and the new had made a pyramid on his bed out of furniture high roof and was balanced dangerously on top of it pouring milk in his eye not as i was walking past a cell but when i was working in medical the facility doctor comes up to me nicotine dealer come check this out i go into his office and as he stifled his chuckles puts an x-ray on the light board and turns it on there it was plain as day a cell phone up the inmate's poop shoot we laugh for a minute and he tells me i'm leaving this one on my light board i wrote inmate violence tracking software for the florida governed about 15 years ago it tracked inmate on inmate inmate on guard and guard on inmate violence it aggregated these numbers by prison so a guard would witness violence while on the job and would then log into my system to report on it so on that form i had an unexplained weird crap happen type button so the moment i got to work in the morning i would do a sql query where weird [ __ ] equals true i have about a billion stories but the one that sticks out in my mind was the guy that shot arrows at another inmate across this oz type cell block he had cut arrows out of a toilet brush wrapped toilet paper and crap on the end of the arrow set it on fire and then shot it at an inmate he disliked with some makeshift bow sorry for the grammar but i am on my phone i work in a psych hospital for the criminally insane basically the same thing as a co but we can't defend ourselves if we get attacked oh and they are diagnosed with immense illness one time i was watching someone sleep for behavioral reasons we will call him bob bob is dead asleep snoring away at 3am suddenly wakes up and yells our new leader his megatron and goes back to snoring it was reported he watched transformers that day not a guard but went to jail for a month they were smoking potato skins that they dried out from baked potatoes and would smoke it in bible paper work in the mental health unit at my prison i had to deal with a guy who carved nazi cymbals in his body and wrote all over the wall with his crap his entire cell was browned up with what must have been a week's worth of crap had an inmate who can't feel his legs slice open his femoral artery he then proceeded to use it as a weapon against officers trying to save him wasn't there for it but we have an inmate who would regularly stage suicide attempts in order to get what he wants he has been sores and on multiple occasions he's tugged at them until he could wiggle some intestines out no feeling below shoulders one time he went too far gravity took effect and his entrails came tumbling out i was doing some student teaching in a max security juvenile prison these kids were serial rapists arsonists and even murderers i have two stories the first is at the library became very important to these kids they would hoard books in their cells and it would give them power over one another if they had a book in the series that another kid was reading a fight over a book ensued it was a new book and there was only one copy one day there was an all call to the common area and before the guards could stop him one if the kid smashed and broke the other kid's skull against the concrete floor blood everywhere over a book the other time which i will never forget also involved a kid getting his head crushed every single door in this facility was opened from a control room at the front of the building sometimes you would have to hit a buzzer and look into the camera to get the person in the room to release a lock so you could swing the four open all of the doors swung open except the ones on the quads the kids were kept in four separate blocks called quads with sliding doors one of the guards was leaving a quad and used his walkie-talkie to have the control room close the sliding door the door began to close behind him and he started walking away a student in the quad decided to peek out into the hall as the door was closing and got his head crushed in the door because the control room couldn't see him and stop the door before it happened fricked up man not me but a guy i worked with was a co for eight years but gave it up for a better paying job anyhow he said the craziest thing that ever happened was he was on charge of escorting prisoners to see the councillor and noticed over a period of time that asserting prisoner was going to the councillor's office a bit more than usual the prisoner was a huge guy with big muscles and probably six foot five most prisoners would be in this counselor's room for 30 minute sessions feet cuffed and handcuffed and one day he just happened to notice he didn't see them in the room through the window but he heard a sound a light whisper of a sound that there may be a struggle while doing his rounds he barged in and right behind the door the male counselor was sucking the prisoners dong the door and hit the back of the chair shoving his dong down his throat and causing the counselor to choke the counselor begged him not to say a word but he had to he said prisoners were freaking not only with other inmates but with the staff as well i had no idea non-butt or poop story i worked at a county jail for an internship during my last semester at college school and the jail were over a 100 miles from my hometown one night doing rounds on one of the more secured units one of the inmates called me over and just started a regular conversation with me in the middle of talking he asked about my mother by name okay maybe he just got lucky and guessed her name the inmates only know our last names and no one called each other by their first names i'm curious at this point i play along and say she's doing well he then goes on to ask me about the rest if my family including my dog all by name now i am freaked out and i look up his information guy is not even from the same state to this day don't know how he got all that information just started as a ceo and on my first day after training i had to help strap a guy who was covered in his own crap into a restrained chair he was hitting his head on the wall so we moved him to the padded cell where he is under direct supervision as well as on camera he stripped naked and smeared his crap on the window and on the camera lens we needed to keep an eye on him so we went into his cell and restrained him he fought a little bit but didn't need to since he was covered in crap the whole time assuming since i was new he kept telling me i had a pretty mouth that was my first actual day a few years before i got on there was a man who came into the drunk tank to detox for a few hours he was to be released with no real charges pressed against him he had been taken in on drunk in public he killed another man while in the holding cell by wrapping his shirt around the man's neck and choking him to death the officers on duty at the time heard the other three people in the cell start to yell a few minutes after it happened i can only assume that when one of them either woke up or was about to become the second victim a man who was supposed to be there about six hours hasn't left since his trial is just wrapping up and all things point to him leaving in the next few weeks for prison he's remarkably normal to talk to he has also never once denied what he did i once saw the guy take a pencil out of his butthole and stab himself in the eye with it i was an intern at a county jail dude was facing life perhaps death penalty in prison and he was desperately trying to get transferred to a medical hospital so he could try to escape he was complaining about some medical problems and i just got through telling him that he was not going to the hospital when it happened needless to say he went to the hospital he came back from the hospital in worse shape then he went in because he got the crap beat out of him when he tried to escape worked in a county jail for years worked in administrative isolation units a lot the whole county jails version of the shoe when i worked nights i used to walk the tear and do count each cell had one inmate not very hard it was night and the lights were off so i had to shoot my light into the cell to illuminate it over the years i saw some pretty crazy crap i saw a guy slamming himself with a pencil in a 1056a i saw dongs being tugged on constantly i saw guys pee and crapping on themselves infrequently but it happened but one time really sticks out in my mind i am doing my count and i flash the light into a cell in the cell the soul occupant is completely naked and spread eagle on the top bunk with his starfish facing the cell door window he was furiously beating his dong with his right hand and his left hand was wrist deep in his poor butthole i stopped watching his movements in the harsh light of my lead flashlight and the inmate turned his head and peered into my soul i kept walking a few hours later i conduct another count and i'm dreading looking in the cell i glance in dude is sitting at the desk fully dressed with his reading glasses on looking over the newspaper he looks up gives me a head nod and says what's up depp just another day for him nothing to see here i worked at a theater internment facility in iraq doesn't get much weirder than seeing a nearly five foot four inch tall iraqi that's easily 200 pounds of pure muscle grab a six foot 300 pounds piece of crap iraqi garden throw him off of a catwalk 15 featuring above a concrete recreation area onto a ping pong table the weirdest part was how none of the other iraqi guards gave a crap the guy that did the tossing was never punished my girlfriend is a social worker and sometimes needs to visit jails and holding cells one time she was being guided by some guards through the jail cells under the magistrates court and in one cell there was a big picnic blanket on top of what looked to be two bodies obviously horrified she asked the guard what was under the blanket and as soon as she did two women ripped away the blanket and continued to eat one another out in front of everybody apparently they did not know one another weren't there for the same reason and just started to give each other some head we had panic buttons meant for emergency use only we reviewed a distress from one of the buttons and i was the first responder i ran into the section and there was a fellow guard standing in front of a closed cell zombified and pressing the panic button repeatedly i pushed him out of the way to see what was going on inside and there were two guys cell mates sitting nude cross-legged and each was fapping the other i asked them what the heck's going on and i will never forget the response we're just sitting here jacking off and that mother won't stop watching us i work in a women's facility and spend most of my time in our acute and sub-acute area which is for mental illness and low-functioning individuals i've seen more growth naked flesh than i could ever wish to view i remember one time we had someone who was on dry cell due to them attempting to flood their cell so this individual would crap in the middle of the floor she would attempt to eat the trace meals were served on so she was given finger foods entrees with this she received tortilla for a carb source grossest thing i've seen to this day that night she had crap tacos i worked on a veterans pisch ward one of my co-workers got his cheek bit off from a patient i was the only one not to get hurt in my two years working there needless to say i took another job better pay but nonetheless i have my cheeks still work same hospital i hear crazy crap every day years ago i was actually a patient in a mental hospital after a suicide attempt and my roommate had a night nurse that sat between us as we slept to make sure the other girl who was prone to hurting herself at every chance didn't do so i actually found comfort in having someone watching over me as i slept because as a female i feared the males who lived in the same hall wandering into my room at night after having a bad experience once anyway i was sound asleep and was woken up by screaming and my bed being knocked around the roommate had hidden her hairbrush that was given to her by the hospital and secretly broken it at the thin neck part and had started slicing herself all over with the sharp point blood was everywhere three large orderlies came in to hold her down and gave her a sedation shot there was also a large young black girl who walked around singing in the halls and into corners all day and night it drove me nuts i tried to have conversations with her but she was out of it i'm guessing a bad drug trip i never found out a few days later she started normalizing and we became allies i have actually seen a lot more crazy stuff in the psych wards but those two jumped out at me first when thinking back it has been 15 years since i was a ceo but this one comes to mind third shift my pod was mostly am kitchen workers saw a new name on my roster in a cell by himself didn't know him it was a quiet pod with not much bulls going on and the count office usually kept that in mind when moving inmates into it after 2am count i saw his lights turn on a little while later he calls out aco i need to talk to you so i finish my coffee grab my flashlight and head over there i look through the window and he's sitting on his bunk pumping blood from the big vein and the crook of his elbow saying the angel told me to do it turns out he had just been released from psych observation and hadn't been showing up to pill call frick what a mess by the time medical had the bleeding stopped and was taking him out he had bled out enough that he was turning gray and passing out he later kited me to thank me for saving his life myso is a corrections officer at a jail and he works in the psych unit my favorite story he told me is about an older inmate who apparently has partial brain damage from a previous motorcycle accident this guy walks around the unit pouring in the air like a cat and meows randomly miso said when the lion king comes on the tv he goes crazy meowing and pouring at the tv the entire time he's also apparently soft-spoken and nice from what my so describes but when you talk to him he acts like a cat he tells ppl to call him simba btw one time he was on the phone and another inmate walks up to him and proceeds to rush him all of a sudden this soft spoken cat man flips a switch turns to the guy and in his deep voice says do something then mother or are you gonna cry to the ceo like a little b and proceeds to continue with his phone call in his soft spoken voice the other inmate turns to look at my soul who is also surprised at simba's outburst and back at simba in shock and just walks away to forgive the grammar and spelling i'm on my phone the guitarist of my band is a prison guard i asked him the question i've seen a guy softening pasta in his toilet before cooking it and serving it to a dozen other guys a gay guy decorate his room like a teenage girl i've had to tug a wall with a towel covered in crap with a guy guys toilet pasta if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

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Keywords: prison, prison guards, prison stories, prison life, weirdest prisons in the world, weirdest prison escapes, weirdest prisons, #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub

Id: YUYtfs4YGFg

Length: 23min 52sec (1432 seconds)

Published: Fri Oct 02 2020