Weekend Update: Jeanine Pirro - SNL

>>> FOX NEWS PERSONALITY JUDGE JEANINE PIRRO RETURNED TO TELEVISION TONIGHT AFTER BEING SUSPENDED FOR TWO WEEKS AFTER CONTROVERSIAL COMMENTS ABOUT A MUSLIM CONGRESSMAN. HERE TO EXPLAIN IS JEANINE PIRRO. >> EVENING COLIN. I'M JUDGE JEANINE PIRRO. AND IT'S UP TO YOU TO DECIDE WHAT EXACTLY IS GOING ON WITH ME. [ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY. WELL, SO YOU'RE BACK ON FOX. >> THAT'S RIGHT! THIS MUELLER REPORT COMPLETELY EXONERATED THE PRESIDENT, AND, THEREFORE, EVERYONE ON THE TRUMP TRAIN. WHEW WHEW! SO SOMEONE AT FOX NEWS SAID MY NAME INTO A BATHROOM MIRROR THREE TIMES AND HERE I AM. [ LAUGHTER ] AND, COLIN, I WANT TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO SAY HI TO MY SUPER FANS OUT THERE. MEAN, HORNY MEN LAYING ON IN-HOME HOSPITAL BEDS AND WHITE PRISON GANGS WHO CONTROL THE REMOTE ON SATURDAYS. THANK YOU FOR WATCHING. [ LAUGHTER ] >> YES. YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOUT. I CAN HEAR YOU. >> CAN'T DO, PAL! MOMMA'S GOT ONE VOLUME AND IT'S THREE CHARDONNAYS DEEP! >> UH-HUH. AND SO YOU REALLY THINK THAT THE REPORT TOTALLY EXONERATES THE PRESIDENT? BECAUSE THE ATTORNEY GENERAL'S LETTER MADE IT SOUND KIND OF MURKY. >> IT'S CRYSTAL CLEAR! NO COLLUSION, NO OBSTRUCTION. THE REPORT CONCLUDES THAT THE PRESIDENT IS 35-YEARS-OLD AND 175 POUNDS. HE'S GOT THE RUGGED GOOD LOOKS OF BRADLEY COOPER AND HE SMELLS LIKE STEAK AND COMPLEMENTARY BATHROOM COLOGNE. AND HE'S A USDA CERTIFIED SEX MACHINE WHO CAN WAX THAT ASS FROM DUSK UNTIL DAWN. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] >> I REALLY DON'T THINK IT SAYS THAT. ALSO, HOW CAN YOU BE SO SURE ABOUT THE MUELLER REPORT WHEN NOBODY ACTUALLY READ IT? >> NO ONE SHOULD READ IT, COLIN. THAT'S WHY TONIGHT I'M ASKING ATTORNEY GENERAL WILLIAM BARR TO TELL THE WORLD THAT PRESIDENT TRUMP IS INNOCENT. AND THEN BURN THAT REPORT FOR ALL OF ETERNITY. JUST THROW IT INTO THE TEMPLE OF DOOM. AND SORRY, SHORT ROUND, YOU'RE NOT STOPPING DR. JONES THIS TIME! >> SEE, IT'S THAT TYPE OF COMMENT THAT MAYBE GOT YOU IN TROUBLE. >> NO, SORRY, COLIN, AFTER THIS THIS MUELLER REPORT, WE IN TRUMP NATION CAN DO ANYTHING WE WANT. >> YES, I HEARD TRUMP SAY THIS WEEK HE MIGHT COMPLETELY CLOSE THE BORDER WITH MEXICO. >> WHAT? [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] >> WOW, ARE YOU OKAY? >> GREAT! >> OH, I JUST GET SO EXCITED ABOUT TRUMP UNLEASHING -- OH, YEAH! HE'S GETTING RID OF JUSSIE SMOLLETT AND HE'S BRINGING BACK ROSEANNE! >> OH, NO. SHE'S GOING TO HAVE HER OWN SHOW CALLED "THE BARR'S." OKAY? IT'S ROSEANNE AND WILLIAM BARR ON THE DIRTIEST COUCH YOU'VE EVER SEEN. AND THEY'RE CALLING THEM LIKE THEY SEE THEM AND THEY'RE TAKING ALL OF THE DAMN AMBIEN THEY WANT PERIOD! >> AGAIN, I DON'T THINK THAT'S HAPPENING BUT I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HEARD, TRUMP SAID HE'S HOPING TO LAUNCH AN INVESTIGATION INTO BOTH OBAMA AND HILLARY -- >> WHAT? [ LAUGHTER ] >> JEANINE PIRRO, EVERYONE!

Channel: Saturday Night Live

Views: 2,451,444

Keywords: snl, snl 44, snl season 44, saturday night live, weekend update, colin jost, michael che, jeanine pirro, judge jeanine pirro, s44, s44e16, episode 16, live, new york, comedy, sketch, funny, hilarious, late night, host, music, guest, laugh, impersonation, actor, musician, Sandra Oh, Grey’s Anatomy, Killing Eve, The Princess Diaries, Invincible, Sideways, Tame Impala, My Life, The Less I Know the Better, Coachella, Currents

Id: b_y7gs4QTTU

Length: 3min 58sec (238 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 31 2019