Tucker analyzes Biden's 'slow and painful' press conference

good evening and welcome to tucker carlson tonight joe biden finally gave his first press conference this afternoon no president has ever waited this long to answer questions in public and as of just yesterday we were not still entirely sure it would happen a reporter at the white house saw biden ambling around and asked him if he was ready for his first press conference what press conference biden replied apparently in the end somebody told him a staffer pointed biden toward the tape mark on the floor and gave him a shove biden shuffled forth and started talking and pausing and then talking some more and then pausing you've heard the term pregnant pause joe biden's pauses were third trimester quintuplets these pauses were ready to burst here's one of them so the best way to get something done if you if it holds near and dear to you that you like to be able to anyway i'm we're going to get a lot done got that america we're going to get a lot done a lot of course we'll get a lot more done and confuse far fewer people if we go ahead and read our policy positions from small pieces of paper that others have painstakingly prepared for us that way we won't lose consciousness in mid-sentence or accidentally start a war so when the topic of north korea arose joe biden knew exactly what to do he found his piece of paper and he started reading the words that had been written on it we're consulting with our allies and partners and there will be responses if they choose to escalate we will respond accordingly but i'm also prepared for some form of diplomacy it's got to be pretty intimidating to know to the north koreans who of course are watching it in real time they've got nukes in pyongyang now and that means they probably have cable tv too don't underestimate these people they're crafty of course the north koreans were already deeply afraid of joe biden they know that he means business they remember the time that biden beat the crap out of the entire kim family with a chain he and nelson mandela back in 86. you've heard the story they've lived it it's part of their lore and now this north korea is facing not just joe biden's masculinity but an entire piece of paper with instructions on it that joe biden is perfectly willing to read anytime he needs to that cue card is joe biden's secret weapon in the fight against nuclear proliferation you can breathe easy america and that's good news because we've got problems of our own in this country one of our biggest problems is voting it's getting harder and harder to vote there are some people in america bigots let's just call them what they are who are demanding that we know voters identities before we let them choose our government they want people to show ids at the polls if you can even imagine in 2021 these bigots joe biden explained today are republicans and so i'm convinced that we'll be able to stop this because it is the most pernicious thing this makes jim crow look like jim eagle jim eagle who's jim eagle a comic book hero from the 50s some kind of dog-faced pony soldier we didn't know who jimmy eagle was so we went scurrying to her google machines to look it up then we realized duh we're being way too literal here it's an analogy crow eagle they're both birds but an eagle is much bigger than a crow that means that asking people to show a driver's license when they vote is much more racist than segregation and lynchings segregation and lynchings were jim crow voter ids are jim eagle way worse and that makes sense when you think about it most black people don't have government issued ids and that's why they can't drive cars or fly on airplanes or hold jobs or stay in hotels or go to the doctor or cash checks or sign rental agreements or buy homes or open bank accounts or purchase sudafed at cvs black people can't do any of those things because they don't have ids millions and millions of them don't have ids and it's sad as joe biden often points out now you might think the solution to this tragedy would be make it easier for americans to get ids subsidize them if you have to no joe biden has a better idea just make sure that no one ever has to show an id in order to vote and that way the millions and millions and millions of african americans who somehow don't have ids won't feel bad or left out they still won't be able to drive cars or have jobs or bank accounts or live anywhere but at least they can vote a lot and the rest of us won't be racist problem solved as joe biden just told us he's going to get a lot done and not just in the next four years by the way but in the four years after that joe biden is running again he told us that today too by the end of his second term joe biden will be 86 years old that's a full decade past the life expectancy of the average american man which for the record joe biden has already exceeded but there's nothing average about joe biden time improves him like certain varieties of artisanal cheese joe biden is meant to be aged he just gets sharper and more pungent his next campaign will be even tastier watch have you decided whether you are going to run for re-election in 2024 you haven't set up a re-election campaign yet as your predecessor had by this time my predecessor need to need it to my predecessor oh god i miss him um no an answer is yes my plan is to run for reelection that's my expectation my plan is to run for re-election now we weren't in the room when joe biden said that but according to those who were there was an audible gasp of horror from behind the curtain sources said it sounded very much like kamala harris we can't confirm that but we can tell you that joe biden has already picked a theme for his next campaign the theme is unity now wait a second you might be thinking wasn't unity the theme of biden's last campaign the one that just ended in november yes it was but that wasn't enough unity there is more unity on the way ladies and gentlemen bucket loads of it tractor trailer loads full imagine every swimming pool in malibu topped to the brim with unity and then at all the pools in bel air that's how much unity we're talking about and by unity of course we mean policies that make americans hate each other much more than they ever have that's what joe biden has given us so far and soon we'll have more the third reason i said i was running was to unite the country and generically speaking all of you said no you can't do that well i've not been able to unite the congress but i've been uniting the country based on the polling data we have to come together oh the polling data the real currency of washington now we haven't checked the polling data ticker today but we have to tell you that we approach this one specific claim with some degree of skepticism not every one of joe biden's unifying policies has fully unified the country just yet there are still some crotchety holdouts deep in the american interior who aren't fully sold on his fresh new program of being humiliated berated disarmed and taxed into poverty and powerlessness those people are bigots obviously they're probably friends with the snake-handling evangelical freaks who complain when some dude shows up at their eight-year-old daughter's locker room but whatever you can't please everyone you know who you can please though if you're joe biden the media reporters are highly pleased they're one group that remains utterly united in their love and support of joe biden and the polling data show it joe biden knows this well but he's not pandering to reporters joe biden is bigger than that it's not like the washington post is a credit card company from delaware he doesn't need to slobber on them so today joe biden explained that despite his massive successes on our southern border the ones you're seeing on tv he is not ready to show reporters exactly what he's doing down there that's for him to know and them to find out we haven't seen the facilities in which children are packed together to really give the american people a chance to see that will you commit to transparency on this i will commit to transparency and as soon as i am in a position to be able to implement what we're doing right now well that's kind of unusual you don't often hear a politician admit that he's rejecting openness and embracing secrecy they usually lie about that but not joe biden biden tends to say the unspoken things out loud we're as opaque as a shower curtain he told the press corps today and there's nothing you can do about it it's pretty provocative of course it is but provocative in a way that reporters enjoyed they're naughty those reporters they like to be teased deny them what they ask for and they want more here's a lady from state media national public radio flush with wonder as she describes the remarkable personal qualities of her boss joe biden you've said over and over again that immigrants shouldn't come to this country right now this isn't the time to come that message is not being received instead the perception of you that got you elected as a moral decent man is the reason why a lot of immigrants are coming to this country and entrusting you with unaccompanied minors when you call a man moral and decent in your question to him it kind of sets the frame as they say but the bottom line is a moral decent man is running this country ladies and gentlemen that's the message of unity and by the way it's a required message so repeat it to yourself five times and then repeat it to everyone you know if you don't you're racist one

Channel: Fox News

Views: 2,553,576

Rating: 4.808567 out of 5

Keywords: Biden press conference, fox news jim eagle, jim eagle, tucker biden, tucker biden presser, tucker jim eagle, tucker reacts biden, carlson, fnc, fox news, fox news channel, fox news media, fox news network, fox news voices, tucker, tucker carlson, tucker carlson monologue, tucker carlson monologue tonight, tucker carlson tonight, tucker monologue, tucker monologue tonight, tucker reacts, tucker tonight, fox news joe biden, president biden, biden press briefing

Id: KEucxkTUG2c

Length: 9min 59sec (599 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 25 2021

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