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foreign [Music] [Applause] good morning everyone another fine and sunny morning in Southern California and in Los Angeles we're expecting a high of 79 degrees today [Applause] Southland company has come up with an imaginative solution to La's air pollution problem they have bottled Mountain Fresh Air from the Swiss Alps in Europe and are making it available to health conscious Californians in the race for mayor is becoming more like street fighting than electioneering with councilman Fernandez repeatedly accusing mayor Rogers of being a fraud and a con man [Applause] and here's one for you pet lovers is your [ __ ] not in perfect shape your doggy not quite as trim as it used to be well never fear a top Beverly Hills cosmetic surgeon is now offering liposuction for the portly pet lifestyle I love this town I love this country [Applause] [Music] foreign [Music] thank you [Music] foreign I gotta go [Music] how about I pay you now in cash all right okay good I'm so sorry about it don't worry about it [Music] any boys any boy nice footwork Luis thanks buddy ah come on man Ah that's what I'm talking about any time Danny Boy remember you hit the dial I make you smile oh I will Louise you can count on it thanks you again what are you doing buddy get out of the way you're a [ __ ] you know that they laughing at you in the street nobody goes for that cowboy crap anymore very good very good Mr Hoffman my name is Enrico salvatory resource oh great oh damn it I fell over I hate her when that happens don't you okay I love you but I have to marry Susan huh come on Arthur sober you up 1949 Buick Roadmaster Street Fireball League only 8095 production models I'll drive I'm an excellent driver oh yeah my dad lets me drive that's right you're an excellent driver Charlie about taking me for a ride Tuesday we have pizza spray I need a scrambled egg because it goes dry yeah I'm sorry I'm not normally drunk by mid-morning special occasion huh yeah I got fired for drinking no watching TV in fact I I don't drink must have been some show oh yeah movies I love them they're terrific Al Pacino that's great I think that's good one day I'm going to be heavyweight champion to the world Adrian wow you're really good you know that forget about it how did you know that ring was for Casey win Show Business not everyone in this town is in Show Business that's okay I I appreciate it hey way down uh let me give you a ride home why why not uh I'm an excellent driver oh yeah yeah you're a good kid you're good but as long as I'm around you'll always be second best see Cincinnati Kid right why don't you know that that's an old movie and my grandfather loved movies we used to watch a lot of them yeah well that that's great that's good it's really good oh thanks have a nice day hey you got any plans for the rest of the day well I uh maybe look for another job or uh catch a movie or something I don't know how'd you like to make a few bucks doing what Justin Hoffman hi Miss Stillman I'm David Harris from locations RS agency I've come to see your house locations what are you Mrs Dillman no come to the wrong place yeah shame your house is absolutely perfect for what well I'll tell you we're shooting this little thing and uh so you're looking for locations huh you know I left my cell phone in the car can I use your phone oh sure sure it's right here thank you what uh show are you working on oh it's a new movie yeah hi Julie yeah I come to the wrong address oh right yeah oh he's there with you now well tell him not to worry I'm on the case okay bye thank you oh that's all right so uh what's the movie oh it's still a big secret the star wants to live in the area and get into character but it isn't what the whole state of California knowing that he's here right of course I mean Mike pardon me one sec hello hi please is this really yeah I'm seeing Oh my God I can't believe it no is this really oh yeah yards definitely oh my God I love you I love all your movies I've seen them all like Paul please with my associate the David Harris yes yes I'm so sorry he's okay okay it was nice talking with you thank you you too okay it's for you it's Dustin [Music] hello Mr Hoffman no I'm still looking as soon as I find something out I'll get back to you okay bye thanks again I'm sorry well you said my house was perfect yeah but you're not a registered locations or us clients well how do I get to be a client we have to apply for registration how can I apply but I don't have any registration forms with me and you'd want to discuss it with your husband and plus you know your check would have to clear before look I got wait wait how much is registration two hundred dollars hey of course most of our clients have made much more than that the day oh wait look if I pay you in cash then you could just send me the registration form later right I don't think my boss would like that well he doesn't really need to know does he please okay but please don't tell anyone because I don't want to lose my job no no of course not of course not thank you just thank you all right thank you thanks okay oh my God oh my God hey honey guess what no this guy came to the door and then he's looking for locations and then I talked to Dustin Hoffman I talked to Dustin often often hi um David Harris from locations RS agency is your mom home okay [Music] hi Mrs Dillman I'm David Harris with the locations R Us agency I've come to see you oh forget it foreign your house is absolutely perfect for what uh over here all right oh thanks thanks um what's your Danny Danny Morris so you're not David Harris oh okay thank you I can't hi babe one second okay hey uh what's your name again Joe Joe schmalinsky Joe I was wondering if you had a wife if the two of you'd like to go to dinner with my girlfriend Lolly not like a force oh no no I'm not married okay then a threesome what we'll pick you up at seven oh no I You're Gonna Love loud [Music] that's me winning this Fort Worth firecracker they'll do now tasting Tamara they'll expect to attend make sure you get a good night's rest be fresh be fragrant make a good impression right oh what should I wear something quiet something classy anyway it doesn't matter it's only a hand lotion commercial but it's a start that's all right I understand show me your hands um you better get a manicure you look as if your hands have been digging up root vegetables they look like a beforehands instead of the afterhands ah you know put some moisturizer under for crazy is that in advance on your ten percent I do uh I'm so sorry Mr tattlebaum this is my boyfriend okay Lolly I'll give it to you straight this is a very tough business and you need all the help you can get so let's start with some new Nails some new pictures and a new boyfriend because Midnight Cowboy here is not an asset [ __ ] you and add a new manager to the list I don't need this [ __ ] you sure as hell need a new rug Danny butts what the hell is that thing anyway Mr tattlebaum please Irving can I call you Irving Irving thank you don't mention it hey you hungry come on [Music] come on you're gonna talk to me Wanna Dance With Me [Music] I think I'm sorry overreacted okay do you have any idea how hard it is to find a manager in this town yeah then why did you behave that way hey I said I was sorry anyway you can do better than that sleaze ball that sleaze ball has been in the movie business for over 40 years well then he should know better Hey Joe you ready [Music] moved to LA to give Lolly a shot I mean he'll look at her put her up there on the big screen people will be lining up around the block to see her hmm he's so pretty right Joe absolutely Danny gets a little carried away sometimes I'm only starting out she's a natural child so what do you do Joe uh me well I you know I'm um I'm kind of what you uh well I'm between between jobs at the moment no he's talented does all these Impressions all the great movie stars do something cool give her a taste yo come on Joe she'll love it yeah right here come on Joe sorry I'm just cleaning up go ahead I have to sailaja my boyfriend is a very determined guy [Music] a good thing do you guys want any more pie no no no I do not want anymore can we have the check please I told you we'll find you a manager oh just like that what's the big deal I'm managing myself Benjamin Danny what is there to know I mean what does anyone know about anything in this town well a lot more than you do lighten up this is America where you can be whatever you want to be so welcome to Danny Mars management Jesus Danny still here do you have to [ __ ] all the time this is not just another scam it's exactly what it is trust me we're on our way I've already got two very talented clients no you have one talented client I'll be in the car actually Danny yeah have any questions [Music] come on guys have a little faith the very fast learner I have this business licked in a week hey what you got seven days huh gives me to Friday right and they can be a little ambitious you gotta aim high Louise speaking of targets lace them up let's go listen can you fix my Fender today yes again what can I tell you there's a lot of bad drivers out there whatever I gotta get it done you know thanks I appreciate it no I'm picking up the keys around noon okay what keys to my office what are you up to Danny for setting up a business setting up a scam is more like it I told you I'm going into management with what Danny you need experience contacts a nice smile and a pair of jeans won't do it one day you'll be begging me to represent you so how do I look great where are you going I haven't some new headshots taken well I'll give you a ride that's okay I've got a ride bye uh-huh yeah Full Count that's right boxed look I'll give it to you one more time are you a screenwriter are you tired of rejection are you unrepresented if so Danny Mars management is looking for original work yeah followed by the address right okay cool thank you I'm sure I will okay bye I'm Phyllis whittle I've come about the job the job you advertised for an assistant oh that job yeah I'm sorry I'm a little late it's not a bad time now is it Phyllis your timing is perfect oh good why don't we start with some coffee don't you want to interview me uh yeah yeah why not uh you can read right you can answer the telephone okay good you got the job if anyone calls tell me back in a couple hours where you'll be taking a client to lunch about the salary ever discussed money before lunch Phyllis ruins the appetite I'll pay you 100 bucks a day give me a month and if you don't think I'm looking after you all right you just walk away what do you say all right 100 bucks a day huh does that include a dental plan because I don't want to go to jail nobody's going to go to jail Joe trust me look I'm serious Danny Mars man it's me classy huh oh these really are very good author we should have a couple of hundred of these for ourselves it was your car Danny you should have looked after it a little bit still pulling a car crash scam huh hey Eddie Danny Mars management now what kind of management could that be Danny Boy kind of busy right now Eddie I think we could meet up for coffee oh sure sure but let's make it real soon huh like 10 minutes I'll be in the diner old friend okay I'll tell him yes yes thank you thank you tell me what Phyllis uh that was Bill Anderson from the blind trapeze artist Association he likes your idea and will you please call him great uh Mr Mars please you can call me Danny thank you Danny um I seem to have made a mistake don't be so hard on yourself Phyllis just your first day uh no I'm in the wrong place I thought you were a lingerie wholesaler do I look like a lingerie wholesaler no that's the ad I was answering I came to the wrong floor Phyllis what would you prefer a job in women's underwear or a career in Show Business okay then that's settled I want you to meet a client of mine Joe schmalensky hi Phyllis hold tight don't scare Joe so he goes to all this trouble to get back five grand it isn't the money Danny it's the principle Mr solanki has a reputation to consider and it's not good for that reputation if he gets turned over by a small time grifter so it's 25 000. 25 Grand I have five grand the little interest my expenses a little punishment it mounts up I'm not going to pay him 25 Grand don't be difficult Danny I like you and I like you too Eddie so what are we gonna do okay here's the deal there's two grand for you just get off my case for a couple weeks go see your son or something if I can find him it's worse than you are well whatever look I just need a little time I'm setting something up and I'm they just cut you in on it are you scamming me hey now would I do that to you I'm serious look I'm on to something good trust me that's not that that's funny okay a week that's all you got Danny Boy Bill Anderson from the blind trapeze artist association called he still likes your idea he thinks his men would love to attend an evening with Al Pacino but we don't represent Al Pacino they've been arriving by the bin power of advertising I love this town I love this country that's terrific Danny but uh when are you gonna find time to read them read them Phyllis no you just look at the letters and resumes it's the people we're interested in it's always the people remember that I will okay then let's start replying to these talented individuals oh there will be riches here Phyllis we love your screenplay wow that's great yeah it's so full of passion you said it buddy oh yeah there's script there's terrific whoever wrote this is a [ __ ] genius this is a work of art this one I'm gonna do it's gonna be up there with Dog Day Afternoon Serpico Cibo is that who I think it is is he talking about my script God Sherry is not gonna believe this can I meet him he's in a conference right now but maybe when we're further down the line enough said thank you that's great I'm glad you think so but before we go any further we'd like to formalize your representation now we're going to send you something in the mail you sign it and send it back for the check you know to cover administrative costs client registration photocopying that kind of thing a check it's nothing really to worry about you know it's our standard rate of 500 500 look you could think about it you know if you decide not to bother that's okay no no I think I can manage it no no no no now I don't want you to make any rash decisions you think about it discuss it with Sharon or Sherry right okay it's a great project well thank you very much incidentally uh uh I wonder if Mr Pacino would be open to me directing I feel good about directing my own material you know yeah well think about that okay and by the way if he doesn't like this script I got 10 other scripts I can knock these things out in a day you know congratulations well thanks oh incidentally I got one on the longhorn history of the longhorn cow he'd be great for this thing we'll let you know all right all righty all right who's next Danny I'm not sure about our methods I find the whole thing rather shush back to my shelf okay this this show business we're gonna give these guys a break but first we need some working capital now who's next [Music] thank you pick your mind up you got to make your mind up the good news is that we have 25 new writers which means a projected income of twelve thousand five hundred dollars the bad news is that our outlay as of this Friday including advertising office rentals salaries and incidentals is twelve thousand five hundred all right look it's been a long day get some rest and we'll deal with this tomorrow uh Danny I know this is probably a bad time but uh payday yeah guys I'm sorry thank you okay looks like we have a minor cash flow situation which I will take care of foreign [Music] hello all right yeah I'll be I'll be straight over okay I guess we're gonna quit while we're ahead huh that depends amigo how fast can you move on those crutches oh where's the car I haven't got a car you pick me up with no car I took the bus Jesus Christ I swear to God what wow where are you going sorry Danny it's just not gonna work oh my God you're hurt but you know I can't say I'm surprised where are you going I'm staying with Irving for a few days so I found my own place well he's really good to you isn't he yes he is Danny and you know I'm glad you see it that way excuse me oh I'm in a play Casablanca at theater theater on Hollywood Boulevard you'll come won't you you know I I think we should call it quit standing not you too God risk my neck raising money to promote you and this is the thanks I get yeah it's just you know you scares make me feel uneasy I keep thinking about prison nobody's going to jail Joe I'm just building up some working capital here I'm in Show Business now yeah well it don't look like it to me what if I told you I had a meeting with Mitzi Robinson oh Mitzi Robinson only the top agent at Wilford Norris would that persuade you that I'm on the level you got an appointment with her of course I've got an appointment with her Joe I believe in you [Music] foreign I hope so otherwise I'm stealing her car hi I'm Danny Morris I was wondering if you could give me a moment of your time don't wonder the answer is no well I've been here for hours and your office said that my office probably said no also matter of fact are you trying to give us both the pain in the neck I represent a very talented Entertainer I mean a Hidden Gem that will undoubtedly take this industry by storm in that case you won't need my help please I could run you over to the industry a huge favor look I'm begging you my mother would be horrified but I'm begging you because I believe in this guy get up get up I'm not your mother and I'm horrified okay send me a copy of Israel and I'll look at it is real presumably your gem has a Show reel real yeah of course good oh sorry [Music] okay Joe whenever you're ready you start by telling us your name well but you know my name yeah I know who you are but they don't know who you are who they what it doesn't matter who well then why are we doing this because no Danny I I can't do this okay so you're more of a live ad so we'll think living in person and she's gonna meet you anyway right [Music] hi Miss Robinson I want you to meet Joe schmalinski it's a joke right what the suit the suit the name well we could change the name we can or maybe just shorten it works for me I can see it now ladies and gentlemen welcome to Joe the Shmoe Joe the Schmo yeah sounds good huh staggering in its originality I'm glad you think so Mr Morris but please you can call me Danny Mr Mars I have a lot of work to do no I understand Joe let's not waste any more Miss Robinson's time huh stand up straight football Mr Mars when your neck feels better find a job at an agency and learn the business properly as for your client at his age he should know better going down ladies underwear hey come on lighten up Felix shooting your only man I know with clenched hair now you do it there you go with a finger always with a finger hey cut it out that really smart what's the matter with you God I hate you oh now he had his shoulders give you a warm up gentlemen you know I always thought I was pretty good at figuring people but you you are a [ __ ] mystery my friend what we got here is failure to communicate cut it out will ya sorry look sorry it doesn't do it Joe help me out here and sooner or later we're gonna have to start making a buck I'm not a charity I would like to say to the people of the United States of America the Danny Mars is not a charity charity charity sweet charity best 75 I ever spent and she let me keep the balloons red white and blue oh happy happy memories Charlie huh yeah I think it's pretty good the internet is the future and fundraising opportunities that's for sure so if you're the man when it comes to computer technology we'll totally clean up right in theory yes but your guy would have to be good I mean the voices would have to be dead on oh my God's a genius yeah oh yeah so you want in on the deal how much we need to start this up 25 Grand each just to show you how confident I am I'll carry you for half your share so all you need to do is come up with 12.5 if you can prove you guys as good as you say come and meet him no it's only one way to be certain you've got to do it on tape put him on tape is that a problem no no but this damn thing is oh my that feels better you know I might it's just a waste of time damn it Joe it's not only a waste of time it's a waste of money is everything okay Phyllis why don't you get over the house and get us some coffee or something yeah sure and you care to explain all this koi [ __ ] because to be perfectly honest Joe I don't get it I don't need your help thank you very much I make a living I have my own mop and personalized bucket now you do it I asked you a straight question and suddenly your Cary Grant but I take you to a meeting or turn on the camera and you're Joe [ __ ] loser yeah I'm a loser I'm just a janitor for Christ's sake you said it buddy think about it who's gonna pay to see me huh who wants to watch this is that it vanity oh yeah vanity my favorite suit show business isn't about beauty Joe it's about talent I don't want to be in Show Business sure you do and that's why you do those impressions that didn't give you that talent for nothing Joe 's God you just don't get it do you you just don't understand you have no idea what it's like standing there in the spotlights on you what's beating can't breathe your mouth is dry and you have to speak and then out it comes he opened with the gag you married is like an earthquake first youth moves and then you lose your house the only thing I've ever been successful at in life is failure no you must be strong turn away from the Dark Side use the force stop Luke listen I shall make you a prince among men a king oh yeah a king King Richard III I once made a film called looking for Richard I wanted to call it looking for dick but they said no or [ __ ] them [ __ ] them what the hell do they know about [ __ ] Shakespeare now is the winter of our discontent my glorious Summer by this son of a [ __ ] but you know what I say [ __ ] him [ __ ] him and a [ __ ] horse he rode in on that guy gave me the hump I never had no [ __ ] home until he showed up and that's the truth you can't handle the truth he hears Johnny I'd rather stick needles in my eyes [Music] what the hell is that what are you a Swiss Rabbi or something hello my name is Dorothy yeah you know I'm a perfectionist with my work you know my last movie when I saw a screening at that I was so disgusted that I walked out which was a mistake because I wasn't an airplane at the time time time Time and Tide wait for no man ask Not For Whom the Bell Tolls Norman no Diamond didn't you hear the Bell Norman it's mother no mother don't make me do it Norman is that a girl in your room no mother no oh Joe you don't take the garbage out you'll never amount to anything you're a stand up straight you're a slouch you're stupid you're an idiot I bet you'll end up in prison oh no mother mother don't make me do it you know the only regret that I have in life is that I wasn't born somebody else Rosebud great excellent yeah not not bad not bad that was amazing if you still need an agent call me I'll arrange for some meetings and be confident you really are very talented oh I'm sorry can I help you no dear I help myself we're having one of those great days folks we should buy a lottery ticket before you get too excited two of our writers called um they want to know how things are going with their over to Mr Burns don't you want your she wants to sign me she wants to sign me I'm saying it because it's true instead of us we both know that You Belong with Victor you're part of his work learn the goddamn lines Russell please it's not a toothpaste commercial you can't just smile your way out of trouble see it's live theater huh and the audience might want to hear some of the [ __ ] dialogue huh what are you doing it's just a rehearsal it looks great well I don't know oh Rick can't remember his own name you'll be fine don't worry about it yeah maybe she might not be Jarvis is in town and he's looking for you Jarvis the giant how do you know I called my mom she said he's headed out for La how did you get mixed up with that guy anyway he says the same thing about you he also says you owe him money he invested in a small business you scammed him didn't you Danny no yes you did one of these days your little scams are going to catch up with you you want to get something to eat I can't I'm having dinner with Irving and miles who's miles the director we're discussing a movie Project oh Phyllis you uh maybe you want to go and uh get a bite to eat uh no thanks Joe no I I gotta get home yeah you you probably got somebody waiting for you right uh no not really the TV you yeah a TV oh well why not let's go eat all right things are looking up for you yeah you don't sound convinced we know as a as a matter of fact I'm shocked you know one minute I'm a janitor and the next time precariously balanced and the the threshold of stardom well you might be yeah sure if I am I shall be the oldest newcomer in Hollywood why'd you wait so long right safer that way you know if you don't want anything you won't be disappointed thank you you're welcome [Music] how long have you known Danny oh about five minutes longer than you he's got a lot of confidence hasn't he oh yes as far as confidence is concerned young Master Daniel is complete artist he has got more balls than a bowling alley you like him don't you yeah life is pain princess if anyone tries to tell you different they're selling you something [Music] Mitzi says you're good with um voices and Mitzi is a very good judge so so I'm setting up a new show for the fall not this uh morning TV crap something late night something different how old are you [Music] what is it this time for what indecent exposure why can't that corn eater keep his pants on no leave him in jail so I don't know well you've got about 20 minutes to figure it out okay okay get me Peterson on the line that uh that de Silva has been nothing but trouble all he has to do is show up and say it's going to be another fine and sunny day in Southern California and he's too busy flashing his ass at passersby Joe could do it and we could all drop our pants my friend but do we really want to well I meant the weather report it's going to be another fine on sunny day and Southern California with what food poisoning oysters oysters oysters oysters see I pay these guys too much money and so I deserve this okay Joe you're the weatherman uh pardon me there doesn't seem to be a map here yeah Joe we're going to put the map up afterwards okay now listen relax have fun make it entertaining nobody gives a [ __ ] what the weatherman says anyway [Music] foreign California it's not quite the same okay let's look at the Southland weather all on the coast it's 70 degrees downtown 70 degrees in Orange county is 70 degrees in the valley is 70 degrees so that's uh 470s or 200 and it's going to be hot hot so uh leave those sweaters at home in Miami well in Miami you know the only weather I'm interested in is whether or not I can trip this can though I bought from my brother-in-law Myron the manager hookers for those of you living in North Dakota tough okay well Kentucky's fried in Canada Carol Canada give me Greenblatt and remember through rain or shine you'll be fine if you let us smile be your umbrella what the [ __ ] is he on he gets nervous and kind of breaks out into Impressions Mr [ __ ] I'm gonna get fired you know one who gives a damn I'm leaving anyway hello Howard yeah I think he's terrific too that's why I booked him yeah I will he likes him Sherry likes him everybody's gonna like him in China the weather is going to be sweet and sour there's gonna be lots of low hanging Cloud so in peaking and in Germany well it's going to be very windy there but that's what happens when you eat all that sauerkraut and beer director in Nigeria well along the Gold Coast there's no weather because we sold it my brother he is a finance minister got a good price too in Australia well it's going to be buttons scratching down under it's going to be drier than a kangaroo scrotum [Music] I don't know how long people are going to go for these crazy weather reports we got to move on we do sure I got some things lined up for you like what look stay put I gotta go to the bathroom I'll meet you back in the office in a couple minutes [Music] this is Nelson Mandela and I am appealing to you without your donation it will be curtains for those beautiful animals 75 or as much as you can afford to the DMM charity foundation and remember my friend every donation will be entered into a price drawing and you could win an evening at home with the Osborne Family terrific Joe absolutely perfect what is this Danny what's what did the DMM charity Foundation just a voiceover gig what's a white ocelot DMM charity Foundation Phyllis my God that's so beautiful oh hi Joe I didn't see you there you look like a million dollars where you going theater theater oh hell I forgot about Lolly show look I got a couple things to do why don't you go with Joe Joe hey you know what maybe I'll meet you guys there in a little bit huh it's a lolly for me I appreciate it here though you kids have fun huh yeah sure yeah oh my God I had no idea this was such a big deal what the the news crew oh yeah Russell powers Austin's brother yeah baby no Russell the male model you know from the minucci jeans ads and uh that coffee campaign now he wants to do legitimate theater this is his first show Casablanca why I think they call it vanity Theater what's that it means Russell put up the money vanity my favorite theater [Music] it's 10 now the other two and a half paid for postage studio time CDs all that stuff I got a list okay now you are aware that this little venture of ours has an element of risk oh I know that but I'm confident now that I've heard Joe I don't think we'll have a credibility problem he's brilliant Plus 90 of great many things and uh it all comes down to this you belong on that plane with Victor [Music] Richard so listen to me working late I was just heading out your visitor was the one with the sucker badge foreign [Music] if you stayed here you made two grand for yourself and there's eight in the envelope for solanki hey as far as I'm concerned it's fair but I don't think he's going to go for it that makes it ten twice what I took him for and that's all he's getting the good news is he's in Russia bad news is he's coming back inside us we both know that we belong with Victor You Belong with Victor [Music] part of his work the thing that keeps him going Zach lately if you're grounded you're not with him you regret it today maybe not tomorrow soon for the rest of your life let's get out there Paris we didn't have we we lost it till you came to Casablanca we got it back last night when I said I would never leave you and you never will but I've got a job to do too where I'm going you can't follow what I have to do you can be any part of else I'm not good at being Noble but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world someday you'll understand that now now here's looking at you kid great job [Applause] Joe turn on the TV you're on the news well then put on something spiffy because you're doing the nighty night show Phyllis you're late come on we got a busy day well actually I've got something I want to tell you and I've got something I want to tell you too Phyllis Joe's got a spot on the nighty night show Danny I'm thinking of you think you know what oh it doesn't matter can you get me some coffee thank you thank you thank you you know it's not often when you go to the theater and the audience is actually better than the actors but that's exactly what happened last night so who was our mysterious scene stealer at the opening of Casablanca turns out none other that our very own crazy weather guy Joe smolenski actually what happened up there you know I had to make a quick exit from Casablanca and without the letters of Transit and if only without us through the stage or to remain there and to die a most terrible death so you just appeared out of nowhere you know like a few weeks ago nobody had heard of you now you're in the news you're everywhere but you're an actor right hey I'm just a regular guy who works at a nuclear plant although I was once in a production of Guys and Dolls I had a terrific number in the second act did you stop the show no but I slowed it down a bit hey we got to hear a few bars of that though yeah the only bar I'm going to is most I'm out of here Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe enjoyed the show Joe you sit down and talk your people and my people because people who need people good are you my people sure are Joe well who are his people CBA he's Howard Engels the head of the network and he's got a lot of people good to see you people here today now how would you like to do a few more guest spots maybe even host the odd show and in the meantime we can discuss some ideas for the future something different because let's face it chose an unusual talent I mean in the normal formats Joe could come across as kind of forgettable until he does his impressions not forgettable that's the wrong word um ordinary right right no not ordinary no no no no uh more one of the people well Mr average but with Talent maybe that's it maybe that's it a reality show discovering new talent for the People by the people like American Idol yeah no no no no more like ordinary talents what do you think Joe I need to use the bathroom you know people I think we're on to something here absolutely Joe the people it's like a reality show discovering new Talent Impressions I mean it mirrors his own story who knows how many untalented people are out there just waiting to be discovered huh and let's face it who doesn't want to be on TV I've got it I've got it Joe the schmoe Schmo yeah good work team are you okay don't you want to know what's going on in there no no whatever they want is fine well that settles it then Joe the schmoe get some writers on it as soon as possible um kissing us that'd be my choice okay this business never ceases to amaze me this is America Mitzi where amazing things happen do you know the chances of something like this happening to someone like Joe you're a talented guy how long have you been a manager oh uh well however long it is it'll be a thousand years before you get this lucky again so frame his contract hang it on the wall and bow down before it at least once a day correct Joe listen to me we need a contract your viable commodity now and if you want me looking after your best interests we're going to need to get something in writing and once these blood suckers get a taste of money they're going to want to eat us up I'm [ __ ] serious no don't get aggressive you make me nervous when you get aggressive then talk to me what about contract well why do we need a contract don't you trust me I trust you Danny hello what's wrong I've left Irving best thing you could do huh you all right Phyllis yeah I'm just so clumsy you ever thought about contacts I can't they hurt my eyes shame come on Ron let's get you some coffee such a sweetheart Danny you told me one day I'd beg you to represent me and I am everything's gonna be fine laugh you're so sweet [Music] money he'll pay you back won't you Danny hey what back it was a small business venture how could you get mixed up with a guy like that Lolly he ain't even a Texan right you can't go around beating up on people like that Jordan and stop following me around I want to take you home I don't want to go back to Texas I like it here that I'm staying too I'll tell you what be in the movie take it easy Phyllis Logan and MacArthur called again they want to know how their projects are going yeah yes darling I need some time to work on some things Mitzi called CBA is green lighting Joe the schmoe she wants to talk money and talking of money donations to the DMM charity Foundation have been pouring in there's over seventy thousand dollars already you're kidding that's just from today's mail I haven't even looked online I love this town I love this country no I love this business Danny I'm not sure we've been doing the right thing look I know what you're gonna say and you're right it's time we start looking after our clients a little better all of them but how Phyllis I mean now we've got some Capital there's no stopping us [Music] foreign [Music] my wife loves him he is exactly what this country needs I mean he's exactly what this country stands for the the American dream well the public seems to lag him like him they love him you've seen the ratings they're very impressed look this guy's come out of nowhere and now he's on the top of the Heap that's what concerns me Howard someone gonna crawl out from under with little pieces of information about his other life he hasn't had another life the only life he's had he spent watching TV I think he's our man what do you think Amos I think we should check him out okay check him out check out everybody around it script Dave Danny you don't think it's a little pornographic I prefer the term erotic but hey that's the theme we're exploring here the movie is about a woman who finds her true sense of self-expression it is the character of Loretta is a tortured soul looking for love well she finds a lot of it good man you see Danny that's the point it's a terrific role Danny and Miles thinks I'm perfect for it Academy Award potential Danny no question yeah but will it make any money now you're sounding like a producer isn't that the idea oh oh absolutely okay LOL let's make the movie oh man's all about I'll talk to you later all right miles is a lot to talk about with the script and everything oh yeah yeah we're gonna make a great movie Danny trust me let's go honey ponytail Danny it's time we talked what are you doing I'm doing business I don't believe this yeah I'm a little surprised by law too but you know what the hell porn pays oh what's the matter Phyllis you don't think I bought all that crap about Academy Awards do you we're just making a buck here I love this town I love this country and how are you gonna Finance this picture we're getting a little cash Rich here now it's time to put that cash to work I think it's time I quit hey wait up Phyllis Phyllis come on are you joking come on look at me would you talk to me for a second Phyllis look at me look at me I don't understand what don't you understand Danny why work for a guy who thinks it's okay to pull off charity scams well I work for a guy who thinks it's okay to use his clients money to produce porno films or why I work for a guy who doesn't give a damn about people's feelings I know you obviously don't understand Phyllis Phyllis hey hey oh geez I don't need this right now Eddie this is exactly what you need right now tell Mr solanki he's been paid I don't work for solanki anymore I quit he's greedy and he's stupid and he knows how well you're doing right now and it's a dangerous combination okay yeah thanks for the warning Eddie no no you take care son so is Danny looking after you okay oh yeah yeah he's looking after me okay he's getting my shorts from Kmart oh yeah he's looking after me that's good yeah you know Joe loyalty is a wonderful virtue but if you ever feel that maybe maybe maybe what never mind Josh malenski born in LA in 1950 father was a third raid Cabaret singer Gambler a drunk you name it left on tour soon after Joe was born and never came back mother Iris had to work as a cleaner took her misery out on Joe big time he hardly went to school spent most of the time hiding the bruises and watching TV Iris died 1968 Joe's lived on his own ever since no wife no girlfriend no debts no rests no nothing in fact he's almost made of Teflon Howard and the network are very pleased with the way the show is going they want to talk to you about future plans oh well that's terrific something more ambitious how do you feel about that oh yeah top of the world ma top of the world not that you're you know old enough to be my mother you know I'm old enough to be your mother I mean you're the youngest mother that's okay that's okay I know it white heat you're not too smart are you I like my men like that are you trying to seduce me Mitzi Robinson you're not a whistle don't you Joe you just put your lips together and blow surely you can be serious I am serious and don't call me Shirley this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship and how in the hell did he get into the entertainment business ah few months ago we met a young guy Danny Mars who's now his manager there's nothing non-stick about our Danny he was raised by his grandfather Jerry Mars a small-time grifter he dragged the kid around the country teaching him the con door to door pretty good at it too a few arrests no convictions real smooth talker but strictly nickel and dime till now small fry huh a shrimp well you can be sure that the sharks are circling tilapia Skype Mr Mars yeah it looks that way I walk with you to office short walk [Music] follow me Baldi this is Joe this is Ted Truman Joe nice to meet you please sit down well they're they're don't appear to be too many people here today you know your people and my people and no no no no it's just a private chat you know can I say some people don't need people if you know what I mean oh absolutely yeah yeah sugar three lumps you like it sweet it's all the Russian tradition like a redistribution of wealth let's see your English has certainly improved night school it's a wonderful thing about your country everybody has opportunity to improve themselves to be anything they want to be it's the American way and what do you want to be Mr salanke I want to be in Show Business well can you sing or dance no [Laughter] I'm thinking more of business side I'm hoping we can become Partners in Danny Mars management partners then I forget about the money you owe me right well you know I'll think about it and we'll wonderful I come back at two o'clock and we make contract are you sure you want to deal with all that paperwork yes this is not a wonderful thing about your country contracts they keep everybody honest this is oh another or old Russian Traditions to show we all friends oh wow friends here Joe if it's not too personal a question may I ask what are your politics Wilder do I have to have any no sir no sir you do not but why would you say was the feelings of the average American on our foreign policy wow I think we should put on our Green Berets and get out there and kick ass I'd wear a Joel everywhere I I didn't mean that's just a line from a movie I I don't know Joe we'll make sure you have all the right lines okay great so uh now that we know where we stand I think we should sit down yeah your people my people oh uh Joe there's just a slight problem there what's that Danny Mars Mr Mars do you have a few minutes and you are Amos Sands you're going to need a couple of painkillers are you okay I have a headache we'll go back to my office I gotta talk to Danny we'll contact him later until Amos Sans says so I think you should put some daylight between you and Danny he had left but the painkillers haven't kicked in yet you're serious absolutely you want to buy Joe's contract correct for a dollar a dollar would make it legal and there's a little sweetener oh yeah what might that be you don't go to jail for what fraud irregularities in your handling of a client accounts the DMM charity Foundation and a whole stack of other scams all the way back to Milwaukee and you can prove this huh oh yes trust me well go ahead don't [ __ ] with me son you're way out of your league I'm making you a better offer than you deserve [Music] [Music] jump can I talk to you for a second in private what you do to your hand never mind my hand it's the knife in my back I'm more worried about would you calm down Danny are you behind this behind what you are I can see whose side drawn joke I'm on your side Danny but uh I just like working well said Joe and I'm going to see to it that you continue working [Music] foreign [Music] but what are you talking about the DMM charity Foundation what about it it's empty Danny empty he's in the inside of his head I've been tracking the camp online let's get out a half hour ago those shock Burns I'm shocked and I'm hurt you couldn't put that much trust in me well I'm new to this kind of thing Danny is that why you felt the need to bring accountant please tell me where the money is but I don't know who does open the door who is it it's Danny oh yep I know why you're here Danny and I did it for your own good would you open the door who's there with you Phyllis open the door so we can discuss this calling the police no don't do that break it down take care of business hey hey business everybody calm down just sit down we'll iron this thing out huh okay okay oh Phyllis what have you done what have you done please just tell me what you did with the money it's not your money Danny it's other people's money and that depends on how you look at it and how do you look at it they gave it to me Phyllis I didn't force them I didn't put a gun to their head they gave it to me because they wanted to can't you see it's wrong what took you so long to see it I was blind you got two choices Danny you can run away or you can put things right I wish I could Phyllis but it's too late for that too late to do the right thing I'll go to jail so will I [Music] [Music] okay promise trust me okay Burns you're the lady we're gonna give the charity money to charity with what this two this Tools in that account I'm not just that in the rubles but perhaps your assistant will tell us Mr barbs and where she has hidden it I'll say a word Phyllis who is this guy Danny I'm partner what is going on here we're not Partners I'm sorry you feel this way Mr smolenski will also be sorry when public discovers he is involved in charity fraud do you know anything about it of course not nobody knows anything why should we broadcast so if you don't mind don't move Phyllis answer it one speaker please why don't you switch on the TV there's a program you should catch as you can see these pictures are live smile for the camera very nice welcome to show business Mr solanki but we've also been taping everything in this room for the past couple of days so congratulations you have been recording candid material for the CBA Network the rest [Applause] put it right there wow he's got cameras everywhere nice scam Mr Sands the power of Television Mr Mars you can't beat it I can see that so what happens now that depends on what on how much distance you can put between your activities and Joe schmalinsky Joe didn't know anything about any scams it's completely clean and his name will never be mentioned in connection with yours not by me his friends will be happy to hear that he's so lucky to have such caring friends one of the advantages of celebrity the more famous you get the less wrong you can do strange isn't it oh and I'd like Joe's contract well actually we don't have a contract you had nothing in writing nope we trusted each other now I've heard everything oh Mr Sands Phyllis wasn't involved in any of this okay I'll make sure they keep her out [Music] bail is set at one hundred thousand dollars [Music] Phyllis foreign [Music] what's gonna happen to our movie I gotta tell you law it ain't gonna happen no don't say that Phyllis Phyllis once a con man always a con man [Music] Phyllis [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] you have no idea [Music] die just to see you babe cause I know I know yes I know [Music] give me five dollars I've taken into account that this is your first defense and that you have fully reimbursed all of your clients therefore I've decided to be lenient this court sentences you to six months [Music] [Music] thank you [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] thank you [Music] okay today daddy be home soon hey I'll never forget the first time I saw Andy Dufresne that's not funny Joe hey we'll talk on the way to the studio [Music] nice dog nice car yeah well Mitzi insisted nice house yeah I want Mitzi insisted yeah right yeah right looks like she's looking after you okay oh yeah forget about it so no more Kmart huh oh no Kmart sucks Corners never crashed would you do me a favor Danny and grab me one of those I I can't quite reach [ __ ] girdle is killing me Christ Joe you're wearing a girdle beats the crap out of liposuction and what the hell have they done to your hair oh you like it teaching gold now it's demographics Danny you know I'm I'm running for governor I gotta broaden my appeal why are you letting them do this to you vanity my favorite sin ah come on looking I'm just playing a part here here I mean what does it matter if I'm selling politics or popsicles you know I love this life how ridiculous as it may seem because at last I'm a somebody and I will always be grateful six months Commission ah I thought you'd make it though didn't I yeah and you were right but what about you could have been a contender not with that impression you couldn't the command Danny this is America you can be whatever you want to be you taught me that you seen Phyllis at all Phyllis yeah she's uh you know she's she's doing good she's uh she's got her own management company yeah I have to uh stop off here and record some campaign stuff I won't be long but you're going to work now what would you think I dye my hair and put on that [ __ ] Garden to drive around the limo nothing would surprise me with you yeah well make yourself comfortable put your feet on I'll send for some coffee and croissants you've got the Lee songs for the next intimacy you're gonna work get out of here foreign Nancy and I don't hold the candidates Youth and an experience against him I do not have sexual relations without read my lips no more taxes well my daddy didn't mean that the words just came out subliminally that terrorists and the tyrants and the tears my fellow Americans we stand at the crossroads in history a time when our great nation will be severely tested we hold the destiny of the world in the palm of our hands come my dear I think you can fool all of the people all of the time this Society demands Justice but it's a society that shows compassion a society that is willing to give its citizens every chance to make good and now more than ever this country needs Heroes guys who are willing to step up to the plate and deliver and it is my duty to speak for those from Phyllis whittle about the job the job yeah don't you need someone to keep you out of jail oh that job you want to interview me hell no you got the job oh good shall we start with some coffee impressive yeah I thought so if I can do it then so can you William Shakespeare once wrote some people are born great campaign's on a roll Ted some achieve greatness some have greatness and thrust like the gentle rain from Heaven to the earth below we live in a great country my friends and when historians look back on our beginnings gentlemen they will point out that in this you may have found the perfect candidate all men are created equal they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights but among these are life liberty and the pursuit of happiness Phyllis is truly have I ever told you how beautiful you are especially with your glasses on what do you like them huh yeah and as I stand here before you build a hand of history on my power glass well I'm a successful businesswoman now is that right well maybe I should come work for you oh and its people are blessed oh maybe you need a partner I wouldn't be saying this if I didn't believe it I wouldn't be saying this if I didn't believe it Danny what a missionary leader you need a partner a man who cares someone who cares and I am that man and I am that man trust me [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] me I ain't got the remedy just trust me baby [Music] tonight [Music] [Music] it's all about affection you better trust me like I trust you I'm gonna open the door I got all the red connections [Music] trust me [Music] just trust me blame it baby baby [Music] [Music] [Music] thank you [Music] hey [Music] trust me baby [Music]

Channel: THE STREAM - Movies and More

Views: 580,970

Keywords: movie, Entertainment, full movie, feature film, film, motion picture Films, Andrew Kazamia, Cory Pendergast movie, Enn Reitel, Joeanna Sayler, Trust Me Movie, Trust Me Full Movie, Trust Me Feature film, Trust Me 2007, romance movie, comedy movie, family movie, impressionist, funny, free movie, free film, new movie, new movies, Cory Pendergast, Trust Me 2007 Movie, Trust Me 2007 Full Movie, Craig Ferguson, Shelley Long, Corey Pendergast

Id: VGq5iWxKhTI

Length: 96min 47sec (5807 seconds)

Published: Sun Dec 18 2022