Trump vs Biden - Guest Host Dana Carvey Previews the 2024 Presidential Debate

and now dana carvey [Applause] [Music] [Applause] thank you [Music] [Applause] [Music] all oh right got it hey man i stretched out before the show well uh the show has just peaked there's nowhere to go but down uh thank you for that seven minute standing ovation which will be cut but we'll be on youtube thank you yes you're going to be stars this is an incredibly adorable audience you're all messed up this is this is only my second night and i'm already sort of a cliche talk show host this is a gorgeous crowd we've got tonight i have all the moves down one show and i'm in the pocket anyway the last time i hosted a show on abc was called the dana carvey show yes uh it was canceled after three weeks but thanks for your support no it lasted eight weeks steve carell stephen colbert launching pad being on a tv show now is so different like the prompters are so blurry now they used to be so easy to read like what is that all about and the dressing room is a lot harder to pee now is that is there a chemical leak in the building or something it sort of hurts and sort of yeah but anyway that showbiz right guillermo hey-o he actually that was guillermo's heyo he actually did ed mcmahon for me yeah i did it just for you just for you i think everybody i think we have a bromance yeah it's a weird time in l.a right now isn't it because covet is on the rise the mass mandates should come back could come back and covet is scary but guess what next thing monkey pox i've had it twice it's a blast according to the cdc monkey pox has been reported in every state now it's really alarming but you know who doesn't seem worried about this this is weird monkeys i was at the zoo this weekend and they were publicly masturbating and they were just so relaxed and just usually they're behind a rock is like ah you know and they're just languorous out there i know just picture it in your minds and take it home with you anyway fauci's had enough he's gonna step down at the end of biden's first term what is he gonna do he wants to look for another job what is he gonna do be a greeter at walmart or something hey the tvs are over there i'm 5'2 and i'm almost 90. i don't blame fouchy i think he did the best he could everyone picks on him no one knew where this was going so many freaking variants the b5 b6 i don't give a you can't keep up with him man you got to go on with your life it's a tricky mother i mean fauci he's like uh you know he first he was like you get your two vaccines and you dance in the street you walk about with your life recently he said okay we missed it by a little bit all right you can get two vaccines two boosters you still get covered three boosters two more vaccines you're getting covered you get another vaccine you're still getting covered buys you seven minutes of immunity that's all you got so now we're coming up for the daily coven shot every day you go in like a b vitamin you get your shot by the time you get to your car you've lost your immunity but that's a hell of a 39 seconds maybe they'll cut this part but i always thought fauci is kind of a tough guy that's why i do him like this and i this is my catchphrase room i'm dr tony fauci and from the bottom of my leather found she's go yourself i had to say that so we can kind of a lot of weird stuff going on in florida right now including tonight's edition of this week in florida he's waved and everything and i don't think that's appropriate for anyone waving is fine but the walking around naked in front of your neighbors including children not so much a family staying in the southwest cape says they are dealing with that every day the guys doing it say it's because they're from europe [Music] really is that typical european behavior my penis never gets so much sun back and for a loofah my doctors say how you get so much sunshine on your gleekles i say i go to florida because of course florida they got sunshine on the flock holes the next race for the white house shaping up donald trump claims he's already made up his mind about 2024 and he's still trying to figure out when he's gonna announce his official decision trump says he's very confident that he'd win and that people would want him to run um i'm gonna do these next few jokes as johnny carson uh yeah vast majority of americans want donald trump to run head first into oncoming traffic course no one is begging donald trump to run more than his cardiologist [Music] trump has all the best doctors he just went in for his checkup at the mayo clinic not the hospital it's a mayonnaise shop in rancho cucamonga i haven't seen someone this drunk with power since i went for cocktails with jajan kabor at the tonga hut [Applause] only seven more here we go and melania heard trump might be running she booked a one-way ticket on air force done apparently joe biden is so excited for a rematch with trump he made an october surprise in his khakis that was the end sorry uh anyway thank you now can you imagine if it's trump and biden again i mean that would be weird wild stuff believe me a lot of people are wondering what another debate between these two guys would look like i think it might look a little something like this i'm guillermo rodriguez welcome to the 2024 presidential debate between president joe biden yeah that's right yeah come on it's me oh your old pal joe let's get the show on the road and his opponent the old president of the united states the bad one mr donald j trump let me tell you let me tell you this is going to be great it's going to be so great we're going to say a lot of things let me tell you that so many things like you can't believe we're going to say many many things we're going to say i'm telling you has anyone ever told you you look like a mexican i'm telling you i am i'm mexican i love the mexicans i love your people you're the remnant tremendous people i like your guacamole and your choo choo chopras i love it i love your bibliotheques that's library many mexicans don't know that okay okay gentlemen keep your answers short because i'm very hungry i'm dying for a chicken season salad and a green juice okay so first question all right okay what are presidential qualities you gotta have a big smile an honest handshake a couple of corn fed secret service fellas and wave your arms and legs around like a weekend at bernie style come on let people know you're still kicking you got to work together with with the with the kamala harris but harrison ford pardon me henry ford excuse me machine gun kelly come on good job mr president joe biden what about you mr donald trump what do you have to say don't be rude don't be rude you are nice now you're not so nice i know nice everybody's nicer than me nobody's nicer than me excuse me everybody's saying it even kim jong-un tiny kim tiny teeny kim little tiny feet the smallest feet you've ever seen i'm telling you my feet are fine here's a tiny let me tell you that he's a teeny weeny kim he told me last week while we're eating froyo yogurt at mar-a-lago i add vanilla kim got the swirl okay he likes it he likes the vanilla and chocolate together but i said no thanks i like my froyo like i like my voters white and sloppy okay wow okay next question what can be done about the high gas prices thanks for asking the question gustavo come on look here amigo you don't need a gas station for gas gasoline gas stations are for selling selling soda pops and nudity magazines and reading in the woods oh yeah i like those okay mr trump what is your response gas you know some people call it gas okay we call it gasoline all right nobody knows nobody cares and let me tell you many people are saying it's dinosaur dead dinosaur poop that's what it is i don't know we used to have so much of a t-rex poop you put it in your tank you drive like you wouldn't believe i'm telling you that okay next question what will be different about your next four years in office come on number one the one part you know the deal come on folks number two is in fact number two is in fact the second part this isn't rocket science come on number two and a half more of the second part listen real close folks more of the second part and number seven yeah number seven i know how to do the seven part par par me it's a sweet sweet sweet sorrow part part of a pirate party in the usa but my miley cyper cyper trees got to do climate change come on man okay mr trump what will be different about you next four years we're gonna have a a a new better wife we're gonna cheer her in for a better life she's gonna be very beautiful some say ivanka but i'm telling you we're looking into a lot of candidates okay final question what do you each want to tell america here's the deal come on come on first you know i get reelected and every kid will get a yo-yo in a jar for keeping frogs also monkey pox it's what's for dinner cece folks come on back in my day we'd go see the hurry gurdy man yeah the hurty gurdy man he give monkey give the monkey a quarter that little fella would dance all night come on it's america nowadays you gotta plug your car into a wall socket like an electric blanket and those things keep you warm on a cold delaware night especially especially when you sleep like i do porky pig style jacket bow tie and no pants thank you and you donald trump what do you have to say uh i'm saying you know i haven't even told you the best part my new running mate is a venomous cobra i got it in a shop in koreatown let me tell you we got the cobra it's very poisonous at the shop very deadly so much poison i named it hillary that was my name for it in conclusion god bless me and god bless my terrific penis it's i've got no problems down there that i can tell you okay okay that's all the time we have you both lost the debate thanks for watching my name is guillermo rodriguez good night america we are the 2024 presidential debate is brought to you by canada apply for citizenship today at www.getmethoot.ca [Applause]

Channel: Jimmy Kimmel Live

Views: 1,534,619

Keywords: jimmy, jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel live, late night, talk show, funny, comedic, comedy, clip, comedian, mean tweets, Monologue, Guillermo, Hollywood, Los Angeles, Live Audience, Summer, Guest Host, Dana Carvey, SNL, Saturday Night Live, Impressions, Donald Trump, Trump, Joe Biden, Debate 2024, YouTube Comments, Comic-Con, Monkeypox, Dr. Fauci, This Week in Florida, White House, POTUS, Presidential Debate

Id: bs1pO-NPxd8

Length: 14min 6sec (846 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 20 2022