Guest Host Chelsea Handler on Trump’s Jan 6th Meltdown, Ghislaine Maxwell Sentence & OJ on Abortion

and now chelsea handler [Applause] thank you so much thank you welcome to jimmy kimmel live i am your guest host chelsea handler hosting this show has taught me that a woman can do anything a man can do when he's on vacation and doesn't feel like doing it we have a lot to get to starting with the explosive hearing in washington it turns out donald trump was even more of a bag than we originally thought we heard some truly insane testimony from cassidy hutchinson a top aide to trump's chief of staff mark meadows cassidy painted a very unflattering portrait of trump's behavior on january 6th including the little fit he threw when the secret service wouldn't let him go to the capitol during the riot sets them into the effect of i'm the effing president take me up to the capitol now to which bobby responded sir we have to go back to the west wing the president reached up towards the front of the vehicle to grab at the steering wheel mr engel grabbed his arm said sir you need to take your hand off the steering wheel we're going back to the west wing we're not going to the capitol and when grabbing the steering wheel didn't work he grabbed the car by the fortunately trump sat back down and patiently waited for his car to arrive at the white house just kidding of course that's not what he did mr trump then used his free hand to lunge towards bobby angle and mr when mr ronato had recounted this story to me he had motioned towards his clavicles that is no way to treat a secret service agent that is how you treat a contestant in the dressing room at the miss universe pageant sadly there is no footage of trump grabbing the wheel but i imagine it would look something like this hutchinson also relayed details of what happened when trump's attorney general bill barr told him there was no evidence of election fraud the valet had articulated that the president was extremely angry at the attorney general's ap interview and had thrown his lunch against the wall um which was causing them to have to clean up so i grabbed a towel and started wiping the catch up off the wall to help the ballet out melania also has to wipe things off the wall after their annual mar-a-lago penetration and if you think the ketchup story is a bit off trump apparently did stuff like this all the time are there other instances in the dining room that you recall where he expressed his anger there were there were several times throughout my tenure with the chief of staff that i was aware of him either throwing dishes or flipping the tablecloth but those were just his playdates with rudy giuliani speaking speaking of my baby rudy giuliani he has been making the rounds on tv claiming he was assaulted at a shoprite over the weekend but even the super right wing nuts like greg kelly are not buying it i gotta be honest it doesn't look that bad but i i understand that looks can be deceiving you know that that was that was the woman who was rubbing my back not the guy who lived but you're watching so the woman that woman uh gave a statement to the police that the guy hit me so hard that she herself almost fell from the reverberation [Laughter] something tells me this isn't the first time rudy has exaggerated the size of something like his tiny little micro penis republicans are getting very touchy about touching as democracy hangs by a threat this is what tucker carlson is worried about but nancy was she still tells us she loves kids so we kind of took her at face value until we saw this tape from last week this tape shows nancy pelosi elbowing the child the child of republican mara flores who just won a congressional seat in south texas so there is nancy pelosi elbowing a little girl who got in her camera shop that tells you a lot nancy is an elected government official she needs to act more dignified like trying to strangle her own security guards in a movie vehicle but obviously that was clearly an accident and that's coming from me someone who is not a fan of children and has been elbowing them for years in other depressing slash exciting news we all remember jeffrey epstein's wing woman jizz lane maxwell guillermo is it is it jizz lane or gizlane oh geez lane jizz yeah okay who whatever who cares we'll just call her jizz jes was sentenced to 20 years for serving as epstein's personal groomer and she has apparently found a new calling she is teaching yoga to all other inmates her specialty is child's pose according to one inmate maxwell introduced herself to the other folks in the jail unit which took them by surprise which is weird because making introductions is kind of her thing also i would like to clear up a rumor that was going around a while back that i was on one of the flight logs to epstein island i was not and i think i would remember grooming teens with jeff and jizz so i am stating it here for the final time i have never been to epstein island but i did one time accidentally find myself at a dinner with jeffrey epstein woody allen and suny this is true i went with katie couric of all people and i thought to myself this is it like i i have to confront woody allen there is no way as a woman that i am not going to say something to this man so i sat there and suffered through the whole meal biting my time waiting until the very end and just as he was shoving a piece of blackberry cobbler into his mouth i leaned over to woody and sunyi and said so how did you two meet and then katie couric looked at me and said okay time to go chelsea in other chelsea news last night i mentioned that i had three abortions in high school and do you know what men on the internet had to say about that i don't because i don't give but my old high school does i recently found out my high school in new jersey livingston high school is refusing to induct me into their alumni hall of fame jason alexander and chris christie made it but not me apparently the school is upset about how much i talk about my abortions so i've decided to start a grassroots campaign you should donate to planned parenthood and then march and then vote but after you're done with that go online and tweet a message to the school district for my alma mater at live schools let them know how you feel about this gross injustice and use the hashtag hall4handler and have fun with it make me proud livingston high the hall is in your court uh you probably saw this online but after roe v wade got overturned some pro-lifers have been posting pictures of themselves holding signs like this that say please don't abort we will adopt your baby there is some other fine print though it says offer not valid if baby is black brown gay or already out of the room this is a very weird thing to do first of all i don't believe these people for a second you know how when you run into someone that you only kind of know and say something like oh we should get drinks sometime but you don't really mean it and you hope that they never text you that's what these signs are so we'll ask these people to adopt their baby and the couple will be like oh sorry this month is crazy let's catch up after the holidays and secondly we will adopt your baby is one of the creepiest sentences i've ever heard it sounds like the title of a movie starring jeffrey epstein and jizz also we finally got some thoughts on abortion from my personal hero mentor and sensei let's start with roe versus wade i thought it was a horrible decision i think women should have the right to decide uh what happens uh with their bodies is that what you think oj that women should have the right to decide where you murder them while women's rights are getting rolled back across the country some companies are cashing in i was recently asked to be a spokeswoman for a new female focused restaurant chain which seemed like a pretty great opportunity at the time but i probably should have read the script before i signed the contract it's that time of the month time for a boozy brunch with your gal pals so come on down to girl grill the first restaurant for women only excuse me can we see the menus we don't have menus at girl grill we make the decisions for you cobb salad chicken parm salad with all the dressing on the side and fish tacos for you milady fish tacos are little tacos are you menu splaining to me right now maybe just try smiling might look a little prettier hey i'm smiling now girl grill has 12 big screen tvs that play nothing but your favorite documentary the bachelor and it's always wine o'clock here because we know women love them some mommy juice oh fun fact unlike women wine gets better with age and when your meal is done we add on the tip because we know how hard math can be for you all right will that be cash or your husband's credit card we don't have husbands shocker actually i want to pay personally because i have a tip for you or you'll kick like a girl girl grill with over 6 000 locations in texas florida and wherever your rights are being compromised [Applause]

Channel: Jimmy Kimmel Live

Views: 2,207,503

Keywords: jimmy, jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel live, late night, talk show, funny, comedic, comedy, clip, comedian, mean tweets, Monologue, Guillermo, Hollywood, Los Angeles, Live Audience, Summer, Guest Host, Chelsea Handler, Legislation, Supreme Court, Roe V Wade, abortion, Donald Trump, January 6th, Cassidy Hutchinson, Mark Meadows, Rudy Giuliani, Tucker Carlson, Jeffrey Epstein, Ghislaine Maxwell, Yoga, High School, Livingston High School, OJ Simpson

Id: UpXnrKxojgE

Length: 11min 56sec (716 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 28 2022