TOMORROW IS? TOMORROW IS THE THREE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF THE DAY DONALD TRUMP WAS ELECTED PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. AND IT'S BEEN SMOOTH SAILING EVER SINCE. TRUMP PLANS TO CELEBRATE HIS ADVERSARY BY PLAYING GOLF AND MAKING LOVE TO AN OVERCOOKED STEAK WITH CATSUP ON IT. THIS IS KIND OF INTERESTING. YOU KNOW HOW THE PRESIDENT HAS THE BEST WORDS, USES ALL THE BEST WORDS? WELL, HE'S IN MONROE, LOUISIANA LAST NIGHT, WHERE HE TREATED THE CROWD TO WHAT SEEMS TO HAVE BECOME HIS NEW FAVORITE WORD THAT IS NOT A WORD. >> MUELLER, REMEMBER THAT MUELLER, WITH THAT HOAX. THE BIGGEST LIE EVER FOISTERED ON THE AMERICAN PEOPLE. >> Jimmy: FOISTERED. HE DID IT AGAIN IN LEXINGTON. >> THE MOST EGREGIOUS FRAUD EVER FOISTERED. >> Jimmy: AND AGAIN IN TUPELO. >> THE BIGGEST LIES EVER FOISTERED. >> Jimmy: USED THE WORD THREE TIMES IN A WEEK. IF'S A COMBINATION OF FOISTED AND FORCED, WHICH HAPPEN TO BE HIS TWO FAVORITE WAYS TO MEET WOMEN. THE "WASHINGTON POST" HAD A STORY THIS MORNING, AND THE PRESIDENT WENT "WASHINGTON POST"AL ALL OVER IT. IT SAID I ASKED WILLIAM BARR TO HOLD A PRESS CONFERENCE TO DOU DECLARE THAT THE PRESIDENT HAD BROKEN NO LAWS. BARR SAID NO, AND TRUMP IS NOW SAYING THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN. IN A SERIES OF RAGE TWEETS THIS MORNING, HE WROTE, A FAKE "WASHINGTON POST" CON JOB. JUST ANOTHER FAKE NEWS STORY. HE SAID THIS NEVER HAPPENED AND THERE WERE NO SOURCES, WHICH MEANS IT DEFINITELY HAPPENED AND THERE ARE MULTIPLE SOURCES. MIGHT BIG QUESTION IS, DOES HE EVER DO ANY PRESIDENT WORK? IT SEEMS, OR IS IT ALL JUST RALLIES AND TWEETS NOW SERIOUSLY, WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU HEARD ABOUT TRUMP DOING SOMETHING THAT WASN'T RELATED TO HIM GETTING IMPEACHED? I THINK IT HAPPENED THREE TIMES THIS YEAR. THE PRESIDENT ALSO COMPLAINED THAT MEDIA OUTLETS DON'T USE FACT CHECKERS ANYMORE, THEY JUST WRITE WHATEVER THEY WANT, WHICH, THAT'S RICH. DONALD TRUMP CLAIMING THE MEDIA DOESN'T FACT CHECK IS LIKE R. KELLY CALLING CHRIS BROWN A CREEP. IT'S REALLY. [ APPLAUSE ] BY ALL MEANS, LET'S START CHECKING FACTS AND TAX RETURNING. TRU YOU KNOW WHO ELSE WASN'T A FAN? THIS GUY. >> NO REPORTER FROM THE "WASHINGTON POST" IS EVER TO BE IN THE WHITE HOUSE AGAIN, AND NO PHOTOGRAPHER, EITHER. NO PHOTOGRAPHER. IS THAT CLEAR? >> YES, SIR. >> NONE, EVER. THE END. >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW, POOR RICHARD NIXON. HE DIDN'T HAVE A FOX NEWS. HE DIDN'T HAVE A SEAN HANNITY GOING WATER GATE, MORE LIKE WATER GREAT TO GET HIM TO SLEEP. YOU KNOW? HE HAD NOTHING. THIS MORNING, ANOTHER TRANSCRIPT FROM YET ANOTHER SENIOR GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL WAS RELEASED. THIS ONE SAID THERE WAS A QUID PRO QUO WITH UKRAINE, AND THERE WAS TESTIMONY FROM AN AIDE TO MIKE PENCE WHO WAS LISTENING IN TO THAT PERFECT PHONE CALL. AND SHE SAID SHE FOUND IT TO BE UNUSUAL AND WAS CONCERNED ABOUT WHAT SHE HEARD. THE DEMOCRATS ARE NOT WASTING ANYTIME WITH THIS. THE HOUSE IS ON TRACK TO VOTE ON IT BY CHRISTMAS, WHICH I DON'T KNOW, WHY NOT DO IT ON CHRISTMAS? YOU KNOW? IMPEACH HIM ON CHRISTMAS. THAT WAY WE COULD START A NEW TRADITION OF RE-WATCHING IT EVERY YEAR, INSTEAD OF RUDOLPH OR SOMETHING. [ APPLAUSE ] TRUMP IS ON HIS WAY NOW TO BECOMING THE THIRD PRESIDENT TO BE IMPEACHED. IF HE IS, HE'LL FACE A TRIAL IN THE SENATE AND THE POSSIBILITY HE COULD BE REMOVED FROM OFFICE. AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE, AND IT'S REALLY BECAUSE HE ASKED ANOTHER COUNTRY TO DIG UP DIRT THAT DIDN'T EXIST. THE UKRAINIANS, THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY EVIDENCE OF WRONGDOING BY THE BIDENS. HE WANTED THEM TO LOOK INTO SOMETHING THERE WASN'T TO LOOK INTO. EVEN TRUMP'S FORMER SPECIAL ENVOY SAID THE ACCUSATIONS WEREN'T CREDIBLE. BASICALLY, TRUMP TRIED TO PULL OFF A HEIST ON A CASINO THAT HAD NO MONEY IN IT. LIKE A TRUMP CASINO FOR INSTANCE. AND JUST TO PUT A -- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] AND JUST TO PUT A CHERRY ON TOP OF THE STUPID SUNDAE TODAY, "THE DAILY BEAST" IS REPORTING THAT ACCORDING TO MULTIPLE SOURCES, TRUMP KEEPS IN TOUCH WITH MARK BURR INEVI BURNETT AND IS DISCUSSING A NEW VERSION OF "THE APPRENTICE." THIS TIME HE'LL BE IN PRISON. IT'S CALLED "THE APENITENTIARY." ACCORDING TO "A WARNING", TRUMP WAS SO INHIFRNNGED AFTER HE FIR JIM COMEY, THEY DISCUSSED WHICH CABINET MEMBERS WOULD USE THE 25th AMENDMENT. THE BOOK SAID THERE WAS NO DOUBT AMONG SENIOR OFFICIALS THAT MIKE PENCE WOULD SUPPORT REMOVING TRUMP FROM THE WHITE HOUSE. WELL, COULD YOU IMAGINE THAT CONVERSATION? I CAN SEE MIKE PENCE YELLING "25th AMENDMENT"! AND RUNNING AS FAST AS HE CAN. TODAY THE VICE POODLE WAS ASKED IF THERE WAS ANY TRUTH TO THE STORY, AND HE SAID THERE ISN'T. >> A SPOKESWOMAN FOR YOUR OFFICE IS DENYING A CLAIM THAT YOU CONSIDERED USING THE 25th AMENDMENT TOEMOVE THE PRESIDENT FROM OFFICE. I'D LIKE TO GET IT FROM THE HORSE'S MOUTH. >> WHEN THOSE RUMORS CAME OUT A FEW YEARS AGO I DISMISSED THEM THEN. I NEVER HEARD ANY DISCUSSION IN MY ENTIRE TENURE AS VICE PRESIDENT ABOUT THE 25th AMENDMENT. AND WHY WOULD I? >> Jimmy: WELL, I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE BECAUSE OF THIS? >> KANYE WEST GETS IT, HE GOTS IT. >> Jimmy: HE GOTS IT. I MEAN, IF KANYE GOTS IT. ANYWAY. THE WHITE HOUSE, I DON'T KNOW, BETWEEN THE WRITER OF THIS ANONYMOUS BOOK AND TRYING TO SMOKEOUT THIS WHISTLE BLOWER, THE WHITE HOUSE MUST BE A VERY TENSE PLACE RIGHT NOW. IT'S LIKE A GAME OF CLUE, EXCEPT IN THIS VERSION COLONEL MUSTARD IS IN THE BEDROOM WITH A BUCKET OF CHICKEN. TODAY A COURT ORDERED TRUMP TO PAY $2 MILLION PENALTY. IT WOULD BRING HIS TOTAL LIFETIME CONTRIBUTIONS TO $2 MILLION. HE IS MOVING OUT OF NEW YORK. HE DECIDED TO CHANGE HIS RESIDENCY FROM NEW YORK TO PALM BEACH, FLORIDA WHERE HE OWNS MARA MAR-A-LAGO. TEAM STRTRUMP IS TURNING IT INT PRODUCT THEY HOPE WILL BE THE MUST-HAVE TOY THIS HOLIDAY SEASON. >> BEAUTIFUL, SPRAWLING MAR-A-LAGO, THE WINTER WHITE HOUSE AND THE PRESIDENT'S NEW PERMANENT ADDRESS. >> WHOA! >> NOW YOU CAN BUILD YOUR OWN WINTER WHITE HOUSE! >> AWESOME! >> MARA LEGO. YOU'LL HAVE HOURS OF FUN. >> I BUILT A GOLF COURSE. >> AH, HIS HANDS ARE SO TINY AND CUTE. >> HOLD A SUMMIT WITH VLADIMIR PUTIN. >> I LOVE YOU, VLAD. >> RESCUE MELANIA FROM HER PRISON TOWER. >> HELP ME, I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE. >> GIVE ME SOME DIRT ON BIDEN. >> AND KEEP THE PRESIDENT OUT OF TROUBLE. >> OH, NO! DEPLOY. >> NO QUID PRO QUO! >> WE MUST FIND THE WHISTLE-BLOWER. >> FROM THE MAKERS OF MAGA DOODLE. DONALD'S DREAM JAIL SOLD SEPARATELY. >> AVAILABLE AT WALGREEN'S.
