-President Trump held a rally in Georgia, where he defended his possibly illegal phone call pressuring Georgia
election officials to overturn his loss
to Joe Biden. For more on this,
it's time for "A Closer Look." ♪♪ On Monday night, Trump held
what will very likely be his last rally as president
of the United States and, man,
it feels good to say that. I feel like Tom Cruise jumping
on Oprah's couch. You guys remember that, when
that was like a five-day story? Now, things happen so fast that, when a celebrity jumps
off a couch cushion, it's old news
by the time they land. And, look, I know Trump's going
to keep holding rallies after he leaves office
because it's either that or pay for therapy,
but it just won't be the same. I mean, you can still go
to Grateful Dead concerts, but it's like two
of the original guys and it ends at 9:30, people are dancing
with knee braces on and, instead of joints,
they're passing around a tube of Fixodent. As president, Trump has power and we have to listen to him. But, in two weeks, he'll just be
a guy hosting a show from whatever rental van
they shoot Newsmax out of, ranting about low-flush toilets and B-list celebrities
from the '90s. [ As Trump ]
Bobby Knight -- "The General,"
they called him. Met him at an after-party
for the ESPYs, 1994. Nasty guy.
Mean guy. Nice to me, though. Remember when he threw
that chair? Real son of a bitch. One time, I saw him
stab a waiter with a fork. Charity benefit.
Donated nothing. Ate the food and left.
Real piece of [bleep] [ Laughter ]
Liked me. Liked me. If there's one takeaway
from the Trump presidency, let it be that --
the man loved a rally. Remember, he even started
his phone call with Georgia Secretary of State
Brad Raffensperger by claiming there's no way
he could've lost the election because of the size
of his rallies. Okay, first of all, Biden had
small numbers of people because it's a [bleep] pandemic,
you sociopath. Luring people
into tightly packed crowds for hours at a time, with a highly contagious
and deadly disease spreading rapidly
through the air is like something
the Joker would do. Although, knowing the Joker, he'd probably add some
unnecessary logistics, where there are like two rallies
happening simultaneously and one has a bomb
and the other has poison gas. Batman's girlfriend's at one
and Alfred's at the other. And, meanwhile,
Batman's thinking, "I can't wait until Gotham City is rid of this insufferable
ass[bleep]," not knowing, of course,
that the villain after the Joker [ As Bane ]
is going to sound like this! [ Laughter ] So much for my
New Year's resolution not to lean
on the Bane impression. [ Laughter ] Also, the reason Biden
didn't need big rallies is because people
weren't voting for him, they were voting against you. One of the reasons they were
voting against you is because of the way
you behaved at rallies. So the irony is
Biden did have giant rallies. They were just yours. And you have to love
that big crowds was Trump's first argument
right out of the gate. I'm surprised he didn't
follow up with hard evidence of "Most red hats sold" or "Candidate whose name
Jeanine Pirro says the loudest." And Trump should've been
ready for this call. According
to The Washington Post... And prank call is a perfectly
reasonable thing to think. If you read the transcript
of Trump's phone call with Raffensperger
and his lawyer Ryan Germany in a different voice, you'd think it was one
of the Jerky Boys. [ As Jerky Boy ] [ As Jerky Boy ] [ As Jerky Boy ] They were a cultural phenomenon. [ Laughter ] If you were a young man in 1993, the Jerky Boys were loud
and the parties were hopping. So Trump thinks rally size is proof he actually
won the election. Well, Monday night
gave him one last chance to show off
that oratorical prowess he's so legendary for,
and he did not disappoint. -We have made Ame...rica
strong again. [ Cheering ]
Look at that arm.
Look at that. -While it's troubling
that someone who runs America can't say "America," [ Laughing ]
"Look at that arm"
is a terrific save. Did he say "Amurrica"? "Shhh!
I'm looking at his arm!" And, hey, anyone's capable
of making a mistake, but you never hear
Angela Merkel say -- [ As Merkel ]
We love our country, Juzmuhkey. [ Laughter ]
Look at the haircut! [ Laughter ] This is what happens
when you zap your brain with 20 hours
of cable news a day. Your aides have to pump you full
of Red Bull and Adderall just to get you through a speech
and, by the end of it, your primary motor cortex starts
to turn into cottage cheese. I mean, compare his frantic,
slurring energy during the rally with this photo
his daughter Ivanka posted on the plane
on the way to the rally. [ Laughs ] There's that quality father-daughter time
every family dreams about. "Dad, I want to take a picture." [ As Trump ]
Then take it! [ Laughter ] It looks like the photo you see when you see a retired athlete at your airport gate
and don't want to bother them. [ Laughter ] Trump was supposedly there
to rally votes for GOP Senate candidates
Kelly Loeffler and David Perdue, two of the most soulless,
vacant, D.C. robots you'll ever see in politics. As far as I can tell, neither has any discernible
policy positions, other than wanting to be
a senator and making money. For example, here's Loeffler,
a Wall Street executive who's originally from Illinois,
trying to sound like a character
in a Tennessee Williams play. -Let's give the senator a hand. -Whoo! [ Applause ]
He has worked
so hard for y'all. And y'all are working hard. I have a very important
question for y'all. Grateful for y'all.
That's why y'all are here. We need y'all
to get out and vote. -It's like watching someone
audition for Tami Taylor in a dinner theater production
of "Friday Night Lights." "Okay, Kelly, can you maybe
do it one more time, but, this time,
don't say 'y'all' so much?" [ As Loeffler ]
Y'all got it, y'all. Trump was supposed to be there to campaign
for Loeffler and Perdue, so, naturally, he started out
by immediately obsessing over his election loss. [ Cheering ]
-Hello, Georgia. By the way... -[ Screaming ]
-...there's no way we lost Georgia.
There's no way. -That has to be the fastest use
of "by the way" in any speech, ever.
You weren't even on the way yet. Give yourself some runway,
buddy. If you wake up next
to your spouse and say, "Good morning.
By the way," they're going to know you were
lying awake, furious all night. Trump tried to talk
about the Senate race, but every time he mentioned it,
he couldn't help but veer back
into nursing his wounded ego. -If the liberal Democrats
take the Senate or the White House -- And they're not taking
this White House. We're going to fight like hell. I'll tell you right now.
[ Cheering and applause ] These Senate seats are truly
the last line of defense. Now, I must preface that
by saying -- because they'll say,
"He just conceded!" [ Booing ]
No, no, I don't think so. -There's nothing to concede.
It's over. It doesn't matter
whether you concede or not. I mean, you can try it,
just to see how it feels, see if your first moment
of self-reflection and acceptance of failure
in 74 years has a Grinch-like effect of growing your heart
three sizes, at which point it will be as big
as what the Grinch started with. And yet,
even after Trump's corrupt and possibly illegal phone call,
Republicans are still going along with his attempt
to subvert the election for the sake of their own
political interests. During the rally,
Loeffler jumped up to the mic to tell the crowd
she'd be objecting to the Electoral College vote and implied
that it would somehow work. -Hello, Georgia! Whoo! [ Cheering and applause ]
Thank you, Georgia! I have an announcement, Georgia. On January 6th, I will object
to the Electoral College vote. [ Cheering and applause ] That's right. That's right. Thank you. [ Whistling ] We're going to get this done! Alright, Georgia! But I have a very important
question for you. Are you ready to show America
that Georgia's a red state? -Yeah! -She can't overturn
the election results, but she did overturn
her own Southern accent. I mean, where did it go?
Did Antifa steal it? She could've at least
thrown a "y'all" in there. She didn't even say,
"Get this done" in a Southern accent. She sounds like
Larry the Cable Guy after elocution lessons. [ Southern accent ]
It's like we say down here
in the South -- [ posh accent ]
Get her done. [ Laughter ] Of course, what she's describing
is not possible, legal, or constitutional.
It was already sedition when Republicans
were attempting to overturn a free and fair election
before Trump's call, but to get onboard
after the call is just shocking
in its brazenness. I mean, the guy may have
committed a crime by basically admitting he was
trying to steal the election and Republicans are like,
"Sign me up." They're shoving it in our faces. They're like suspects
in a police lineup, raising their hands, saying,
"It was me! I did it! Can I go now?
I can? Good. To jail?!" You can't pretend this is about
high-minded principle anymore. After that phone call,
it's clear what this is really about --
stealing votes to assuage Trump's ego
and illegally cling to power. And, even after the phone call
came out, Trump is, of course, still insisting there was
nothing wrong with it. -They talked
about my phone call. They don't like my phone call. Everyone
loved my phone call. -My God, he sounds like
a Hollywood director talking himself up
after a big flop. "Everyone love my movie.
They said they prefer the version with the
unblurred buttholes." No, no one loved your call. Even Republicans who are
diehard Trump loyalists and who have signed on
to the attempt to reject
the Electoral College vote, like Tennessee
Senator Marsha Blackburn, gently tried to tiptoe
away from the phone call. -Brian, one of the things I think that everyone has said is that this call
was not a helpful call. -Oh, I'm so sorry the president
wasn't helpful to your attempt to steal the election
by blurting out what you were really trying
to do the whole time. Republicans all think
they're slick members of an elite heist squad trying to rob a precious jewel
from a museum, rappelling down into the vault
on a rope, jumping around lasers,
and Trump's the guy who just walks up to the security guard
with a hammer and says -- [ As Trump ]
I'm here to steal
the fancy diamond. Oh, thank you, a map.
Excuse me. How does this map know
I am here? Does it move when I move? And, by the way,
just to be clear, the call may very well
have been illegal. The Georgia secretary of state
said there might be an investigation of the call,
and election law experts have said it seems like
it may be a crime. -Well, it sure sounds like what
the president was asking for was for the secretary of state
to manufacture votes, just enough votes to give him
a one-vote margin in Georgia. It's not clear
how this would work. George's already sent in
its Electoral College votes, but it sounds like it could be
a crime under both federal law and under state law, because, when you ask someone
to come up with fake votes, that's kind of the definition
of election fraud. -Yeah, of course it is.
If you try to fraudulently overturn an election,
that's election fraud. Seems pretty clear-cut to me,
but then again... [ Southern accent ]
I'm just a simple
country lawyer, like Kelly Loeffler, you all. [ Laughter ] You're from here
and you're from here! I'm not!
[ Laughter ] Trump tried to pressure
Georgia election officials and it didn't work,
so, now, he's trying to pressure his own vice president,
Mike Pence. Pence will have to preside
over the counting of electoral votes tomorrow.
Now, to be clear, Pence has no power
to just overturn the results, despite Trump's insistence
on Twitter today that... No, he doesn't. All Pence is supposed
to do is count. Pence can't change the results,
any more than Vanna White can change the phrase
on the board, although, apparently, even
counting is difficult for Pence. The New York Times
reported that... ...which is like me saying
it's gut-wrenching, balancing my years
preaching a healthy diet with my four-year-old's desire
to eat a thousand gummy worms. But spare a thought
for Mike Pence's gut because it's really been
through the wringer these past few years and, now, he has to choose
between the Constitution and a sleazy Mafia don
cold-calling election officials, illegally begging for votes
like a telemarketer. [ As Trump ]
Hello, this is the secretary
of state for Georgia? Are you happy
with your Internet service? Oh, what if I told you you could
combine Wi-Fi and cable for the price
of only 11,000 votes? And then, yesterday,
Trump added to the pressure by telling the crowd
he'd be mad at Pence if the vice president didn't
steal the election for him. -I hope Mike Pence
comes through for us. I have to tell you.
[ Cheering and applause ] I hope that our great
vice president, our great vice president,
comes through for us. He's a great guy. Of course,
if he doesn't come through, I won't like him quite as much. -I have a hard time believing
Trump likes Pence, even now. There's no way those two
have anything in common, aside from their
desperate desire to wield power at any cost. Trump gets what he needs
from Pence, and vice versa. They're like a rhino and that weird bird
that eats bugs off of them. If it weren't for the bugs,
they're not hanging out. By the way,
you can decide for yourself which is which.
I don't care. From the very beginning,
they've looked like two cops thrown together and forced to put aside
their differences to stop -- or, in this case, start --
a crime spree. I think I saw it
last night on TNT. "Officer Ham, Officer Milk,
get in here!" [ Laughter ] [ As Trump ]
Milk, you've got to tell him you're the one
who crashed the cruiser. [ As Pence ]
It was you that
crashed the cruiser. [ As Trump ]
I didn't know it was
a one-way street! [ As Pence ]
It said one-way! [ As Trump ]
But it didn't say which way. [ Laughter ]
[ As Pence ] That's what
the arrow was for! [ As Trump ]
Who has time
to look at the arrow?! Plus, I was chasing a suspect. [ As Pence ]
You were trying
to get to McDonald's before they stopped
serving breakfast. [ As Trump ]
[ Laughs ] That's true. [ Laughter ]
You caught me in a fib. Oh, Milk. If I was a lady cop, would your wife have to be
in the car with us?
[ Laughter ] ♪♪ So tomorrow Congress
will count the votes that have already been cast
by the Electoral College. Again, Congress does not have
any authority to just overturn the results of a presidential
election and pick someone else. It's not a thing.
This isn't "American Idol." It's not like there's
an audience vote and then, Lionel Richie gets
to weigh in. Ted Cruz doesn't get a veto. Nowhere in the Constitution
does it say, "The president shall be chosen
by the Electoral College, unless a time-traveling
Old West bartender disagrees." [ As Cruz ]
I declare President Trump
the winner and sarsaparilla on the house! Republicans are running a scam by telling their voters
there's actually a chance objecting to tomorrow's
Electoral College certification will somehow allow Trump
to stay in office. Their entire case falls apart,
once you ask them for even the simplest explanation
of how this is supposed to work, and that's because it's all
a lie to conceal the truth, the truth Trump revealed
on his phone call. It's not about principle
or election integrity. It's about power. These guys believe their
opponents are illegitimate. They want to dismantle
our democracy and replace it
with an authoritarian state in which they're the only ones
who get to govern... -Ame...rica. [ Laughter ]
-This has been --
Look at my arm! -- "A Closer Look." ♪♪ God's Love We Deliver
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We love you.
15 minute video? When is the GD reference?
Edit: The GD reference is at the 0:40 mark. Also, I should listen more carefully.
That was awesome. Love Seth and A Closer Look.