♪♪ -Welcome back.
So, when you see... This isn't "A Closer Look." When you see a Ye like this, it's actually pronounced "The," The Olde Diet Coke. There was a letter called
a thorn. I don't even know
if I'm holding this right. And thorn was the last letter
in the alphabet they let go. It was -- It basically was "th." It made a "th" sound and then they took thorn aside
and said, "We think we can do it
with 'T' and 'H.' You're redundant,"
and let it go. So, but I guess they printed it
with a "Y" because that was closest
to what it looked like on the new tyce --
typescript, excuse me. So, when you see a ye,
it actually is the. The "Y" means "th." That's very important
to remember. I guess it's not just
for things like that, like that movie,
it's actually pronounced "Old Theller." [ Laughter ] We also talked about, uh, Revolutionary War
Founding Father-era Trump would have a scam tea. Because, you know,
they kind of famously were real into tea back then, you know,
during the Revolutionary War. You're a history buff,
Shoemaker. -[ Laughs ]
-And so we had graphics
make that. I think they made it
a little modern, the box. [ Laughter ]
The packaging was not Revolutionary War-style
and somebody wrote, actually, "Tea at the time would've been
served in a sack." And we knew that, but when I called
the control booth and said, "Can we get the penis tea
on the sack?", HR cut the line. [ Laughter ] Someone says,
"Why do you have a mic here, if you got a mic on your lapel?" This is a backup mic,
in case anything happens to the lapel mic. And this is also interesting. There's a -- [ Grunts ]
There's a speaker... See that speaker?
...which is right here and it's been there
from the very first show. And every night, I trip over it. [ Laughter ] Pret-ty cool. We said that, in the new
Scooby-Doo, Velma is gay. Many of you pointed out
she's always been gay. She's just out now. [ Laughter ] [ Laughter ] Um -- Oh, we talked about -- We talked about how sometimes
Fox News graphics make Joe Biden look really cool and they had one of him
wearing sunglasses, eating an ice cream cone. And then we said
that looks like the poster of a movie with Jason Statham
called "Ice Cream Man." Well, guess what, guys. There was an actual movie called "Ice Cream Man," starring one-time "Late Night
with Seth Meyers" guest Clint Howard
and here's the poster. It was a real movie,
"Ice Cream Man." And if you're wondering who did the soundtrack, it was Randy Newman. No, it was that guy. [ Laughter ] In one of our jokes,
we also said, "Somebody, quick, somebody invent Wite-Out." Somebody did invent Wite-Out. Bette Nesmith Graham
invented Wite-Out, Liquid Paper,
it was called at the time, history's first correction
fluid, in 1956. Shoemaker,
do you know who her son was? Mike Nesmith from The Monkees. And I knew that Shoemaker
would know that because the amount
I've heard him go -- [ As Shoemaker ]
They were my Beatles. [ Laughter ] Hey, chimpanzees
are not monkeys. And I guess we said that and I know that because, back when,
before we had -- before we stopped having animals
on the show, we did a segment where a chimpanzee handler brought out
a chimp to do a sketch and the chimp broke free. And it was
a pretty harrowing day. I hope everybody's okay with me
bringing it back up again. Tore off down the hallway,
ripping pictures off the wall and went into our offices
and it was just chaos. And, fortunately, everybody
kind of got to safety and we managed
to close the door, but you could just
hear him screeching and -- It was a mess.
So loud. And, obviously, you know, the chimpanzee was so,
you know, out of sorts. And so we called
New York City Animal Control. We said, "Like there's a monkey
loose in our office." And these guys came,
these two guys, pretty quickly, I should note. Put on these giant,
padded suits. And then they went in
about 15 minutes. And we just heard the monkey --
the chimpanzee screeching. And then they came out. Still heard the screeching
in the background, like "Aar! Aar! Aar!" And they looked at us and said,
"There's no monkey in there." [ Laughter ] And we were like, "What?"
And they go, "It's a chimpanzee.
They're apes." We were like, "Okay, well,
can you get it out?" And they're like,
"No, because our action order that you called in... [ Laughter ] ...we put down monkey
and that's --" And they said they had to go all
the way back to the office. [ Laughter ] We said the world's
oldest dog died. We were told that's impossible
because, [ Snapping fingers ]
the minute It dies, there's a new
world's oldest dog. Although, they also wrote,
It's a wrong sentence." [ Laughter ] On that note,
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle -- we called him that. We've been told this before. "You don't take the knighthood
with you to the grave. So, you actually would,
right now call him Arthur Conan Doyle." Although --
and I'm not naming names -- the person who took it
away from you is also dead now, so... [ Laughter ] ...I think you could try to keep
from here on out. We mentioned the Jeffrey Dahmer
show on Netflix. I misstated the title. The actual title is "Dahmer -- Monster:
The Jeffrey Dahmer Story." Because I guess it was
originally called "Dahmer -- Monster"
and there were some -- there was like a Glenn Dahmer. There were some other Dahmers
out there... [ Laughter ] ...who also wear
prescription aviators and I guess it was very awkward for them. They maybe had some connections
at Netflix and they're like, "Can you
really hammer home it's not -- [ Laughter ]
which Dahmer it's about?" I said, "A magniflying lens." That's a flub,
you sons of bitches. [ Laughter ] Actually, I shouldn't say that because I think a lot of you
who said that were ladies. That's a flub, you sons and daughters
of bitches. [ Laughter ] Hey, we said --
we joked that Donald Trump read "Goodnight Moon"
to his kids and it was from the
New York City Public Library. And one of you said
he couldn't have done that because the New York City
Public Library did not have that book
until 1972 because -- this is true --
the librarian in charge of the New York City Public
Library did not like that book. But I will note that,
as long as it was there in 1972, that is in time for Donald Trump
to read it to his kids, based on when they were born. Point is,
he never read it to them. But it is
an interesting story. The reason she banned it --
Because you would think, "What is the problem
with 'Goodnight Moon'?" Is she thought it sucked. [ Laughter ] These are some fun
viewer questions. "Just a question. Who are the people who laugh?" The crew.
"Did you hire them?" I did.
"Why do they laugh?" I don't know. [ Laughter ] "Who is the dude laughing
out loud in the background in every 'Corrections' take? It's adding to the comedic
value somewhat." I'll give you a dollar
if you can guess his name. [ Laughter and applause ] Or, to put it another way, I'll give you a buck. [ Laughter ] We do have international viewers
and one of them wrote -- because, again, we have been
leaning into it the last couple of weeks -- "I still don't know what sport
the Mets play." [ Laughter ] Well, when you figure it out, [ Muttering ]
tell the Mets. [ Laughter ] Whoo! [ Claps, snaps fingers ]
You guys remember we gave you a P.O. Box to send in postcards
and, well, oh, well, look at the jackals. Look what they've done. One from Paris, one from Bodo.
I'll guess that's Norway. This is
the Swedish royal family. That's pretty exciting. [ Gasps ] Harrogate! Harrow-gait. [ Laughter ] Ooh, remember we talked about Tallinn, Estonia? Well, that's
my Estonia postcard. And now, you guys remember the reason I gave that P.O. Box
is I just said, "Do with it what you will." I at no point implied
there was a contest or that I would do a drawing
for you to get a mug. If I did,
that was clearly facetious... [ Laughter ] ...because, if I had done that. based on what I'm hearing
from our legal department, I'm in a [bleep] world
of [bleep]. [ Laughter ] Okay? So, look, if you want
to send a postcard to the P.O. Box, yeah, do that, with no promise from me. And maybe, at one point,
I'll be walking down the hallway and someone will bump into me
and one will fall, right? And I'll just pick it up
and say, "Oh, here's an idea. I'll send them a mug." But it's not a contest
or a drawing. It's not a situation where my phone's ringing
off the [bleep] hook... [ Laughter ] ...from the legal department,
saying, "What the [bleep] did you do?! [ Laughter ] We didn't see this script!" And then you have to be like,
"Well, there's not a script for 'Corrections.'"
And they're like, "What the [bleep]
is 'Corrections'?!" [ Laughter ] Just mean! [ Laughter ] I'm so happy
about my postcards, though. [ Laughter ] Look, if there was to be
a random moment where somebody bumped into me and I found one
and then that -- because it was cool,
and for no other reason, I decided to send a mug, we're going to do that
in two weeks. [ Laughter ]
I have a feeling somebody might bump into me. [ Laughter ] Uh-uh! So, somebody said this -- you know, again,
we're talking about -- Oh, sorry, I should say this
real quick. Um -- We did a Michael Myers
from "Halloween" sketch. Mike Scollins wrote it. He also cast himself as --
the part was Sexy Teen. [ Laughter ] Now, nobody, I should note, nobody was upset
at the Sexy part. Like everybody
signed off on that. There were some jackals
who thought he wasn't a super
believable teen. I think it's probably
Really unfair that we -- his head ended up between like
two far more believable teens. [ Laughter ] Like, you know,
you wouldn't see this and think, "They're all
in the same class." [ Laughter ] Alright, so,
I mentioned this dude last week and someone said,
"Right after you mentioned him, you smiled in a way
you looked like him." And I went to the timecode
they gave me and that was the face
I was making. So, I don't know if that's
a full Mac Tonight face. And I don't know
what you're implying, that, any night there's like
a quarter moon, I transform. [ Laughter ] My wife tries to tie me
to the bed and then I end up coming home
the next morning smelling of French fries. [ Laughter ] Well, the game is up. [ Laughter ] Happy Halloween. [ Laughter ] Legal wouldn't let us play the lightning sound effect? [ Laughter ] I don't think it was
the best "Corrections." [ Laughter ] But it was a "Corrections." See me in two weeks.
