-A Republican senator said he was suspicious of the push to vaccinate people
against COVID-19, the House GOP leader
is stonewalling the commission to investigate the January 6
insurrection at the Capitol, and conservatives have come up with an insane new lie
about Joe Biden -- he wants to ban meat. For more on this,
it's time for "A Closer Look." ♪♪ Perhaps the central theme
of our politics, at the moment, is that one of our two
major political coalitions is growing more extreme,
more authoritarian, more paranoid, and more detached
from reality by the day. Republicans seem to think
Joe Biden's army of antifa super soldiers
is going to come to your house and take your Dr. Seuss books
and your hamburgers and I'm only slightly
exaggerating. -Say goodbye to your burgers, if you want to sign up
for the Biden climate agenda. Researchers say you'd have
to cut about 90% of red meat from your diet. For Americans,
that means a limit of four pounds
of red meat per year. -Americans would have to cut
red meat consumption by a whopping 90%. That means
only one burger a month. -Part of his climate,
or green, targets are to cut our red meat. He wants to cut out
90% of the red meat that you all eat --
that's four pounds a year. -Listen,
four pounds a year? That's my weekly consumption
of red meat, at minimum. -No burgers on July 4th. No steaks on the barbie. I'm sure Middle America
is just going to love that. Can you grill
those Brussels sprouts? So get ready. You can throw back
a plant-based beer with your grilled
Brussels sprouts and wave your American flag. -That's right,
in Biden's America, you'll have to celebrate
July 4th by drinking a plant-based beer, as opposed to, you know,
all those meat-based beers. Does he think PBR stands
for pork and beef ribs? Does he think Hamm's
is made with real ham? I mean, what the hell
am I supposed to put in my Corona now,
a lime wedge? What's that? It's always been a lime wedge? Well, in my America,
we drink our Corona with a pig in a blanket
jammed in the neck. So, Larry Kudlow
is a dumb person, but, hey, at least
he's harmless, right? I mean, what job did he have
in the Trump administration? Director of the
National Economic Council? [Bleep] That's not good. Also, it will not surprise you
to learn this dumb,
right-wing conspiracy theory is made up entirely
out of thin air, after the Daily Mail
wrote an article about a University of Michigan
study that had nothing to do with Biden's plan
or the Green New Deal. Nowhere in Biden's plan
does it say anything about reducing
red meat consumption and Biden has never uttered
such a thing and, yet, on cue,
Republicans have run wild with this dumb
and completely baseless lie. For example, there was Colorado Congresswoman
Lauren Boebert, whose last name, incidentally,
sounds like a Dilbert character who wears
a "Don't Tread on Me T-shirt. [ Laughter ] That was way better
than I thought it would be. [ Laughter ]
One more time. Oh, yeah, that's good. Boebert tweeted... And Donald Trump Jr. tweeted... Four pounds? It's going to be
a hard something from you. [ Laughter ]
Try to get some fiber
in there, DJ. Jesus! No wonder this weirdo
always has the sweaty, bloated vibe of Joey Chestnut at the end of a hot dog
eating contest. Also, back
to Boebert's comments. Don't think you're the first
person who told Joe Biden to stay out of their kitchen. Definitely strikes me
as the kind of grandpa who's always sneaking in
and sticking his finger in the cake batter
before it goes in the oven. "Joe, I told you to stay
out of my kitchen." [ As Biden ]
My hands are clean. "That's only one hand, Joe." [ As Biden ]
I'm going to show you
the other one. But you need to know
there's chocolate on it from earlier today. Anyway, the point is,
this is what they're focused on, dumb lies
with no basis in reality. Over the weekend, former
House Speaker Newt Gingrich claimed Biden
was attacking Americans with so-called
traditional values by repealing a policy imposed by former Secretary of State
Mike Pompeo that banned diplomats
from flying gay pride flags outside U.S. embassies. -If you listed every
idiotic thing that the Obama administration
has done in the first 100 days, you begin to realize whether
it's threatening everybody who believes
in the Second Amendment or it's attacking everybody
who believes in right to life or it is attacking people
of traditional values who are appalled that
this administration would fly the gay flag at American
embassies all over the world. I mean, you just go down,
item by item, and it's almost like
they have a checklist of, "What can we do
that will really, truly infuriate
traditional Americans?" -Yeah, totally, the same
so-called traditional Americans who supported
the thrice-married adulterer who had an affair
with a porn star and thought the Bible was about two dudes
named Corinthian. Also, you know, maybe the dude
who had multiple affairs, including one that led
to his resignation as speaker of the House,
should hold his tongue, when it comes to so-called
traditional values. And why are the gross,
adulterous creeps always the ones lamenting the decline of traditional
values, anyway? Is it because,
when they say traditional, what they actually mean are the days when you'd go
to your office, call all the women sweetheart, drink a half gallon of gin
with your two-hour lunch, then leave at 4:00 and your wife
would have dinner ready for you, you'd put on your sweater and sit by the fire
reading the newspaper, while the kids whose birthdays
you don't know did the chores, and then, you'd head back out to get spanked on the ass
with a Forbes magazine in a hotel by a porn star? [ Laughing ]
Remember that story? Talk about red meat. Yowza! [ Laughter ]
Also, I wish the Biden administration
had a checklist like that. If you're some ass[bleep]
who's genuinely mad that an American
embassy somewhere is flying a gay pride flag, then you deserve
to be infuriated. [ As Gingrich ]
Honey, bad news. We got to cancel
the trip to Iceland. They're flying the gay pride
flag at the embassy in Reykjavik and they won't let me
take my gun on the glacier tour, which is all well and good, until we encounter
a threatening gnome. [ Irish accent ]
Give me your wallet and all
your fermented whale meat. That's right,
I'm from Ireland. [ Laughter ] A lot of us are. [ Laughter ] I'm here on a visa. [ Laughter ] These people are so deeply
detached from reality, they think the biggest problems
facing America right now, amid a once-in-a-century
pandemic, economic crash, rising poverty,
and child hunger are embassies
flying gay pride flags and totally fictional meat bans. What's next,
is antifa going to force you to take the COVID vaccine so Bill Gates can inject you
with a chip that tracks how many
hamburgers you eat? Again, I'm only
barely exaggerating because, last week,
Wisconsin Senator Ron Johnson went on an insane
and dangerous rant where he suggested there was
some sort of vague conspiracy going on with all
the emphasis on vaccines. Those are pretty
suspicious things you made up
inside your weird head. But, yeah,
if you have your COVID shot, why do you care
if your neighbor gets it? And another thing,
if you have your rabies shot, why do you care if I fill your
bathtub with daytime raccoons? But, despite furious pushback
from sane people, Ron John doubled down
in a statement, saying... But that's not
what you're doing. Instead, you're one
of these cynical "Just asking questions" guys. The guys who merely insinuate
deranged lies, in order to feed rabid
conspiracy theories to your paranoid base
and score political points, but do it
in the most cowardly way, by "just asking questions." It's called
the Tucker Carlson maneuver. Soon, you'll start squinting
like you're trying to solve the jumble
on the back of a cereal box and laughing uncontrollably
at inappropriate moments, like you just got released
from Arkham Asylum. -I'm kind of more worried
about the rest of the country, which, thanks
to police inaction, in case you haven't noticed,
is like boarded up. [ Laughs ]
So, that's more my concern. In other words,
you're being replaced and there's nothing you can do
about it, so shut up! [ Laughs ] -I'm not going to even make fun
of that laugh because I'm worried, if I do,
the next time I hear it will be through a muffled pillow
being pressed down on my face. Anyway, the point is,
if you were genuinely trying to inform people,
you'd tell them about the detailed safety
and efficacy data from both the trials
and the real-world studies, which show that the vaccines
work incredibly well and are incredibly safe. We also keep getting new data,
telling us that the new vaccines cut down
on transmission, too. So, yes, your neighbors
should get it, both for their own health and so they don't spread it
to someone else. Also, young and healthy people
are getting sicker and going to hospitals
in higher numbers, especially in states with high
case numbers, like Michigan. And, lastly, we want
as many people as possible to get vaccinated, so the virus
isn't constantly circulating at high levels
and we can get back to some semblance of normal,
without having to worry about cases, hospitalizations,
and deaths going back up. I shouldn't have to explain
all this to you. I'm just a late night
talk show host. What little science I know, I have cobbled together
from "Jurassic Park" movies, Snapple caps,
and previous "Closer Looks." You know how little attention
I paid in science class? I thought the periodic table
is something you bought at Pottery Barn. [ Rimshot ] Yes.
Thank you, Fred. Finally,
a perfectly timed rimshot. [ Rimshot ] Yep, we just -- We just only need the one,
buddy. [ Rimshot ] Fred, seriously,
just no more room shots. I mean, what am I, a proctologist? Okay, well, that -- We definitely need one there. [ Rimshot ]
Just -- [ Laughter ] [ Exhales ] Anyway, Ron Johnson is the same
guy who suggested it was actually fake
Trump supporters who stormed the Capitol
on January 6th, a lie that has ricocheted
around right-wing media. In fact, on Sunday, House GOP leader
Kevin McCarthy said he wants any commission
investigating the insurrection to also look at antifa
and Black Lives Matter. -For the last year,
we've had political violence across this country
and in this city. I think we should look
at all of that. -Why not confine
this committee -- it's a big deal --
to what happened on January 6, when you had this
insurrection at the Capitol? -You had an insurrection
in the Capitol. You've had political violence for the last year,
in this building. You had, a Good Friday,
an officer killed for political belief,
right on that Capitol as well. If you're now going to put
a commission together, why wouldn't you look at all
the problems to solve -- -Oh, you want a commission
to look at all the problems? Then, while we're at it, can we have the commission
investigate this? -I want you to watch
Nancy Pelosi hand me that gavel. [ Cheering, whistling,
and applause ] And I promise you this -- I won't bang her with it, but I'll bang the end to the
socialism, and yes to America. -That is one of the weirdest
sentences I've ever heard, and I work near Times Square. Do you know how often I've had German tourists
come up to me and ask...? [ German accent ]
Can you tell where's
the headquarters of ze little
chocolate candy man? "Sorry,
you mean the M&M's store?" [ German accent ]
Ja. We want to meet
the sexy one. [ Laughter ] [ Irish accent ]
I wouldn't mind, either.
I'm from Iceland. [ Laughter ] Do you mind giving me
a w-w-wee bit of directions? [ Laughter ] You can't just take a commission
about an insurrection, a very specific
and horrifying event in the history of this country,
and make it about whatever you want, just to score dumb political
points with your base. When Republicans spent a year
investigating Benghazi, Democrats weren't like,
"Hey, while we're at it, could we also investigate what
Harrison Ford's been smoking?" Whatever that strain is,
let's legalize that [bleep] now. It's like my man went
to Union Station to catch a train
and only then found out they were hosting the Oscars. "Hey, since you're here, you want to give one out
for editing?" [ As Ford ]
Sure, I do carry around these "Blade Runner" editing notes. [ Laughter ]
And there's a lot more
we need to find out about what, exactly, happened
on that day, which is why we need
a commission singularly focused
on the insurrection. For example, one of the few
Republican members of Congress who voted to impeach Trump
has said that McCarthy told her about a conversation
he had with Trump in the middle of the riot, in which Trump seemed
to justify the insurrection. -This is actually part of the impeachment record,
the second impeachment. This was read
into the record there... -I mean, I suppose that's true,
but it's a little like saying, "Well, I guess these zombies enjoy eating brains more
than you do." So, clearly,
Trump supported the attack, as if we needed
any more evidence. He would've been
perfectly happy, if the mob had successfully
taken over the Capitol, stopped the counting
of electoral votes, and allowed him
to overturn the results. Saying Trump didn't know
anything about it is like saying Glenn Close doesn't know how to do Da Butt. Second Oscars joke. Look, we follow the buzz, okay? That's what people
are talking about, so that's what we
write jokes about. No more "M-A-S-H" references. No more jokes
about Vince Vaughn-Owen Wilson buddy comedies
from 20 years ago. From now on, it is all fresh, topical, pop culture references
here at "Late Night." Anyway, McCarthy was asked
if that account of his conversation
with Trump was accurate and McCarthy refused to say. -Is that what President Trump
said to you? -When I talked
to President Trump about it, I was the first person
to contact him when the riot was going on.
He didn't see it. What he ended the call
was saying, telling me, he'll put something out
to make sure to stop this. And that's what he did,
he put a video out later. -Quite a lot later. And it was a pretty weak video. But I'm asking you specifically,
did he say to you, "I guess some people
are more concerned about the election
than you are?" -No, listen, my conversations
with the president are my conversations
with the president. -Wow, he avoided that question like he was Vince Vaughn
in "Dodgeball." [ As Vaughn ]
Buddy, buddy, buddy,
you're killing me, here. I would never divulge
a private conversation. I'm a discreet guy. You know that about me. Do I gossip occasionally?
Sure. Would I let a secret slip,
here and there, in return for a favor?
Who wouldn't? But I tell you, I would never tell someone else
what you told me in confidence. Not now, not ever. [ As Wilson ]
Alright. Wow, man. Right on. [ Laughter ]
Owen Wilson wasn't
in "Dodgeball," but, I mean,
he should've been, right? So I lied, when I said [ Laughter ]
our references, from now on,
would be fresh. Much like Kevin McCarthy lied
in that answer. Segue! Because, first of all,
[ Laughter ] there's no way Trump didn't know
what was going on until McCarthy called him. We have contemporaneous
accounts telling us Trump was watching it all
unfold on TV and gleefully egging it on
and, even if we didn't have those accounts,
we'd still know that Trump was aware of the
insurrection as it was happening because he's always watching TV. Honestly, I'm not sure
why it never occurred to us, but we could've avoided
his presidency by just planting him
in front of the wall of TVs at Circuit City for four years. [ As Trump ]
Circuit City, folks.
They love us there. Won it in a landslide. Sadly, it wasn't enough to overcome
all the fraudulent votes from The Wiz. That's why nobody
beats them, folks. [ Laughter ]
It's all a fraud. But what a slogan.
What a slogan. We used to have the best
slogans, didn't we, folks? What happened to all
our beautiful slogans? Got to go to Mos,
Mos Def, Def Comedy Jam. [ Laughter ]
Jam! We love jam, don't we, folks? Smucker's
[ Laughter ] sounds dirty.
Not. Not dirty. "With a name like Smucker's,
it's got to be good." [ Laughter ] That's what they say.
It's true. But you can't buy it anymore.
That's what I hear. They canceled Smucker's. [ Laughter ]
I haven't been to a store
in years. I don't know
if that's true, but. [ Laughter ] Also, Trump didn't put a video
out to stop anything. He told the rioters,
"We love you. You're very special." One of those weird, outdoor videos of his
on the White House lawn, where he looks like
he's filming a YouTube tutorial on how to properly
trim your hedges. This is one
of the central themes of our politics, at the moment.
The Republican Party is an increasingly paranoid,
authoritarian movement, defending a president
who incited an insurrection and spreading unhinged lies
about everything from life-saving vaccines
to imaginary bans on red meat. I mean, it's almost like
all these guys are drunk on... -Plant-based beer. -This has been
"A Closer Look." ♪♪ God's Love We Deliver
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