“Oh, you are already
falling in love with me.” “I’m gonna make you
wish you were dead.” How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
draws heavily on the irresistible charisma
of Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey
to pull off a pretty wacky premise.
Hudson’s Andie bets she can scare off
any man in 10 days -- “Before the ten days are up,
I'm gonna have this guy running for his life.” -- while McConaughey swears
he can win over any woman in the same period, “Any single, available,
straight woman -- yes.” and the result is an
absurdist battle of the sexes. But beyond the lighthearted
fun of their silly hijinks on the road to falling in love,
what is the film really saying? “I could start by dating a guy,
and then drive him away, but only using the
classic mistakes most women, like Michelle, make... all the time.” Throughout the film,
we watch Andie and Ben promote regressive ideas
about what men and women want, painting women as joyless,
desperate relationship-seekers, and men as shallow
commitment-phobes. Both main characters
are strikingly manipulative and opportunistic, “You used me...” “Oh, I used you?” “...to get ahead
in your work.” not to mention --
as they rightly point out about each other --
egotistical and vain ”[Singing off-key]
...you probably think this song is about you.
Ben Barry, you’re so vain!” Is this really a couple
whose happily ever after we want to feel
warm and fuzzy about? Here’s our Take on some
of the most Toxic Takeaways from How to Lose a Guy
in 10 Days -- as well as one
Meaningful Message that redeems it in the end. If you're new here,
be sure to subscribe and hit the bell
to get notified about all our new videos. Toxic Takeaway #1:
Women are crazy. (and obsessed with
landing a man). “Are you saying
I’m some kind of [yelling] mental person?!” Andie’s main goal
is to drive away a guy by making the “classic” mistakes
many women make in relationships. “I’ll be clingy, needy -- ” “Be touchy-feely.” But who actually acts
the way she does? Andie pretends to be
baselessly jealous “Who is she?” “Who’s who?” “The girl you’re
thinking about!” insecure, “My boyfriend
thinks I’m fat! [Fake sobs]” and suffocating. “Hi sweetie pea, it's me.” “It's Andie, I guess
you're not home!” “Hey there, are you not
answering your phone?!” “It's me!
[Strained laughter]” She even goes so far as to
name Ben’s private parts. “Who’s Princess Sophia?” [Gesturing to Ben's crotch
and squealing] These aren’t classic
mistakes women make -- they’re straight-up unhinged. “Blow. Nobody likes
a Mr. Sniffles.” But by casting this as
expected behavior from women, the film suggests that
women in general lose their minds upon encountering an
attractive, eligible guy “Did you just witness
the one-woman homage to The Exorcist, you saw it!” The harmful stereotype
that women are “crazy” has been used throughout history
to dismiss women’s emotions. As Medium’s Karolína Fialka writes,
craziness “has been perceived as a strictly feminine trait
throughout history, making the word ‘crazy’
kind of a gendered insult...” “You've got more than enough
personalities to keep me completely occupied.” ...Until not too long ago,
a mental illness called hysteria (a name derived from the
Greek word for the uterus) was diagnosed left and right
in women whose behavior didn’t comply with the
societal norms of their time.” “According to your diagnosis,
hysteria seems to cover everything, from
insomnia to toothache.” “It's not -- ” “It's nothing more than
a catch-all for dissatisfied women.” Toxic Takeaway #2:
Men don’t want to settle down. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
plays into old cliches by framing all early relationships
as a battle of the sexes -- between a woman who obviously
wants to settle down, “It’s a baby fern.” “Really? Oh, yeah.” “Just like our relationship.” and a man who wants to
avoid that at all costs and just have meaningless sex. “Hanging with her for ten days
is going to be no problem.” “Right, so, it's only nine days
longer than you've ever spent with any other chick, huh?” The film sets up men and women
as almost two different species, who want fundamentally different
things from relationships, and implies that this is why
so many relationships don’t work out. “I even told him
that I loved him.” “After how many days?” “Five...? [Pause] Two.” But rather than advocating
that people look for partners with similar desires,
the film sends a message that relationships are normally
a fight between two parties negotiating for opposite goals. Ben is horrified by Andie’s
moves toward commitment during their relationship. “It's going to be a
happy little family.” Obviously, she’s intentionally
taking it to a farcical extreme -- redecorating his apartment,
buying a dog, making a scrapbook of photoshopped family pictures “I used Photoshop at work today
to composite our faces together to see what our kids
would look like.” But the reason she chooses
these actions to put him off is to affirm her
underlying assumption that any demand for commitment
is an immediate turnoff for men. In fact, it’s an untrue stereotype
that women are always the ones pushing for a serious relationship.
Professor Elizabeth Aura McClintock notes in Psychology Today, “In stark contradiction
to the stereotype of men as commitment-phobic ‘players,’
Pew Research reports that young adult women and men
are equally likely to want to marry.” Toxic Takeaway #3:
Still, unattainable men WILL fall for you --
if you’re the “cool” girl. Ben is cast into another cliche:
the man who thinks he doesn’t want to settle down
and has to be tricked into realizing he does. “It took the prince coming
around for me to realize, I did not want Miss Bridgerton
to only be my friend, I wanted her to be my wife.” Andie tames Ben’s womanizing ways,
proving he just needed the right girl to see
that he was actually interested in a serious relationship. “Where’s the sexy, cool,
fun, smart, beautiful Andie that I knew?” This sets up the false
expectation that all men think they want to stay bachelors,
but are actually just waiting for the perfect woman.
In reality, if someone repeatedly says they
don’t want a relationship, it’s probably best to
take them at their word. In showing why and how
Ben does a 180 and suddenly wants to
settle down with Andie, “I thought you said
after the Knicks game that she was a goddess.” the film sets up a very specific
idea of what version of femininity is “attractive” to guys. “That was the good Andie, guys.
This amazing, fun, cool, sexy woman.
I'm talking about the evil Andie now.” Early on, Andie’s friend Michelle
is distraught after being dumped by a guy she barely knew. “You only dated the guy a week.” “It was the best
week of my life.” Andie then pretends to act like
Michelle does for her article “I'm gonna to limit myself
to doing everything girls do wrong
in relationships. Basically, everything
we know guys hate.” This whole premise sets Andie up
as someone whose real personality isn’t like those desperate,
emotional, traditional women but is actually
the cool exception. The film makes a
point of contrasting the stereotypically
feminine persona that Andie uses to drive Ben away,
with her real (cool) self. “The NBA Finals are in town
and I got tickets!” For every time she drags
Ben to a rom-com or a Celine Dion concert,
the film has to show her cheering at a Knicks game
or chowing down on a burrito. Even the way she dresses
changes to be more feminine when she’s trying to lose Ben.
Andie rejects the female-oriented content that her magazine
Composure produces and the ditzy women who work there,
complaining that she wants to write about politics and
“real issues.” “I want to write about
things that matter, like politics and the environment,
and foreign affairs... things I'm interested in.” There’s nothing wrong with
these preferences, of course, but in this framework
they reinforce Andie’s distance from “normal women” and
their interests or actions. God, I busted my butt
in grad school to be Andie Anderson, the ‘How To’ girl,
and write articles like... ‘How to Use the
Best Pick-Up Lines.’ All of these traits play
into the Cool Girl trope: that what a guy really wants
is a girl with the personality of a guy -- someone who loves
sports games, beer, and burgers while still looking hot. “Why do they always
forget my bacon?” This portrait can also
be limiting to men, by dismissing the idea
that men could possibly want to engage in any
of these supposedly “girly” activities or behaviors. “Glad to not have to sit
through a Celine Dion concert.” Still, a big part of why Andie
gets away with her behavior is because she has the
cool girl’s fundamental quality: she’s phenomenally attractive. This plays into the cliche of... Toxic Takeaway #4:
The hot person rule -- If you’re gorgeous enough,
anyone will want you, no matter what you do. “No guy would go
running from you, Andie. You could barf all over him,
and he would say, ‘Do it again.’” Despite Andie’s
admittedly insane behavior and her shady motives,
it’s taken as a given that Ben still wants
to be with her. As soon as she reveals
that she regrets losing him in her published article,
he runs off to beg for her back. “Are you trying to
get yourself killed?” “If that's what it takes, yeah.” Likewise, it’s a given
that she’ll fall for the equally hot Ben. This sends the message
to viewers that they shouldn’t work on their
personality or worry about starting relationships off
in the right way -- they just need to
focus on looking great, and everything will work out. Speaking of which: Toxic Takeaway #5:
Lying can lead to true love Andie and Ben’s entire
relationship is built on dishonesty. Ben is lying to Andie
to advance his career, as part of a professional bet
in order to land a big account. After I win this bet,
this pitch is mine. Agreed. And Andie is lying to Ben
as part of an article she pitched, which just so happens to
be completely unethical and hardly provides a very
flattering portrait of female journalists. “This poor schmuck she’s
been pretending to date -- well, not even
pretending to date, she’s actually dating the guy. She's doing the most
atrocious things to him.” As Alex Zaragoza writes for Vice,
“Depicting women journalists as morally ditzy or fully
unaware of real ethical lines in their profession…
proliferates the idea that we're unprofessional,
flighty, easily distracted, and willing to engage
in questionable behavior because we like someone.” “So that’s all I was, huh?
I was a guinea pig. Somebody who you could
test your theories on?” But while each gets mad
the other was so bold as to humiliate them, “You used me to get
ahead in your work!” “I used you?" "...You drove me half insane
for a goddamn magazine article!” "Oh, yeah -- " in the end the film implies
that because Andie and Ben are both engaging in
mirror-image toxic behavior, this must mean they’re
perfect for one another. “You have met your match.” Which leads us to:
Toxic Takeaway #6: Find your equally toxic partner. “True or false:
All's fair in love and war.” “True.” “Great answer.” The couple comes off as empowered
by their mutual willingness to go to extreme lengths
of lying and manipulation, as if this somehow sets them
above “normal people.” “You left the tickets
in the purse?” “Yeah.” “You are just on a whole
different playing field.” The film seems to argue
that a person’s ideal partner is someone whose toxic traits
match up to theirs. “Are you as nice
as you seem, Ben?” “No.” “Good, neither am I.” It’s fitting that Andie
and Ben’s big confrontation is set to a passive-aggressive
duet of the song You’re So Vain -- because it’s true. “[Singing angrily] Ben Barry,
you're so vain! You probably think
this song is about you.” They’re both so sure of their
desirability and wiles that they believe they can
have any partner wrapped around their little finger. “And that's why I can
sell myself to any woman, anywhere, anytime.” Toxic Takeaway #7:
Happy Ending = A Man Ultimately, the film implies
a happy ending for a woman is settling down with a guy,
even if she claims that’s not her priority.
The solution presented for Michelle’s relationship
problems isn’t for her to take some time for herself
or learn to be happy alone, but to change her behavior
for the next guy that comes along. “If the most beautiful
woman in the world acted the way you did,
any normal guy would still go running in the
other direction.” Depictions of Andie’s boss
and Ben’s female competitors reinforce the stereotypes
that high-powered, successful women are cold and unfriendly. “Do you see any patches
or insignia anywhere on my clothing?” “No.” “It's because I'm not
your Girl Scout leader, I'm your boss.” And just as we saw that
bachelor Ben just needed to meet the right girl,
Andie is the classic “career woman” who realizes love is really
what she wants and needs for a fulfilling life. I wanted to commit the
certain silly dating faux pas. “What I didn't realize
was that I was making the biggest mistake... of all.” She’s just been in denial
of this universal need. Her happy ending is giving up
the big job interview in DC to be with Ben, even though
she’s realized she can’t achieve her dreams of being a
political journalist at Composure. “Feel free to write
about anything.” “Anything?” “Wherever the wind blows you.” “Even politics?” “No, the wind's not going
to blow you there.” Despite all those toxic takeaways,
this movie also leaves us with one Meaningful Message
that just might make How to Lose a Guy In 10 Days
worth it: if you do find the right person,
they’ll overlook your mistakes and “crazier” behaviors to love
the real person underneath. “That perfume you sprayed
on my pillow...that smell is gone now, and Michelle,
I-I want it back.” The film starts out
framed as a “how to,” addressing people's
insecurities that they need to follow the rules
and do everything correctly to find love. “It will be sort of a
dating “How To” in reverse. What not to do.” But in the end, Andie and Ben
develop real feelings for each other
when they stop acting. “When your mom hugged me today,
she really hugged me.” “Sweetie, that's a good thing.” They like each other most
when they’re not proving some gendered stereotype
or pushing some secret agenda, but just being their true,
authentic selves. “Smile. Now come on.
Give me a smile. Okay, that's good, that's it.
Yes, you're scaring me.” Ultimately, real love means
you can throw out the rulebook and do everything wrong.
It’s just about accepting each other for who you are
and feeling good when you’re together. “Look who made the trip with me.” “It's our love fern.” This is The Take --
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