To the biggest coward I know

[Music] hey guys what's up and welcome back to my channel i apologize if you hear noise outside but it's been raining for days on end seemingly with no paws so we can call it atmospheric rain or something that makes it sound better because it's been really annoying today i wanted to talk about daddy issues or what people refer to as daddy issues if you've been following me for a while you'll know a bit of my background or history with my father blah blah blah but i do think that it's an issue that gets undermined a lot like people will be like oh you just have daddy issues and use it kind of in a belittling insulting way when the reality of it is you know we're conditioned to grow up with two parents or like that's what we're socialized like right when one of those parents leaves it can and likely will [ __ ] you up and then that's called daddy issues now um obviously not everyone who uses the term daddy's shoes is using it in an offensive way like when i use it it's just literally what it is but there are some people who kind of use it to belittle someone when they're arguing on twitter or something all the worse things happen on twitter i slept very badly so if i sound weird it's because i'm very tired my whole story with that is complicated yet very stereotypical so my father stopped being faithful at a certain point and basically kept being unfaithful until i was less than a year old so i don't know when all of that started but he was unfaithful when i was six months old already it was someone he worked with if you know stereotypes i'm pretty sure you can guess basically he did the most cowardly thing i can imagine anyone doing which is also stereotypical in the summer we my grandpa has a country house we would go there in the summers for a month or two and this was a tradition i held long after this i think for almost 20 years we did that we went to the country house and in the week he would go back to germany because at the time that's where i lived but the country house was in italy in the week he'd go back to germany for work and then come back on the weekends the anytime i say this out loud it actually astonishes me how [ __ ] up it is one weekend ended we were at the summer house he was gonna go back to germany and he just went without saying anything without having the the conversation of this marriage is over i want out whatever it's pretty much like going out to get the pack of cigarettes and not coming back stereotype but this was with his work so he basically acted like everything was fine and just never came back and just went m.i.a to the point where my family started worrying whether he was dead because he wasn't answering phone calls nobody knew anything because there was like i said no conversation had so he just pretty much peaced out and we didn't know if he'd gone missing or whatever i was six months old at this point so i had no idea what was going on they probably wouldn't have told me even if i could understand what was going on and was older what occurred is that another family member of mine and my family is very very small i have no cousins i'm an only child so another family member of mine who was close to my father actually flew to germany to go look for him because like i said he never said anything and it turns out that that was just his way to end a marriage i i honestly to this day don't know since then uh he came in and out of my life kind of as he pleased like he'd maybe visit once a year and that was until i turned six so i'd see him about once a year until i turned to six and i still did not really know what was going on because like your concept of time at least mine when i was six was not as it is now so him being gone for a very long time in my head was always accounted for as oh he's on a work trip or something so i never became suspicious but that's also because he never was around in the first place so i had no basis of knowing oh this is weird this is longer he's usually here whatever and then i turned seven and he went entirely entirely entirely m.i.a i don't have confirmation for the reason but i do have my theories now i was a nerd as a child okay so we had a computer room because this was the 90s and early 2000s and uh my mom had a kind of like briefcase type thing that she wasn't using so i was like oh can i use this to play and pretend i'm going to the office that was like fun for me apparently and she's like yeah sure go ahead so i end up opening the briefcase and i find a letter that was saying that basically my father had had another child with the woman he was unfaithful with he had been fired from the company so he and the woman he was unfaithful with which i believe was his secretary if i recall correctly got married and had a kid so i have a stepbrother just walking around that has no idea i exist which is real cool that doesn't count as seeing him but that's basically the last i saw of him if you can count the letter as some kind of interaction letter that wasn't even for me um and ironically that was the year that i had bought you know those like fake oscar trophies i'd gotten him one um that said best dad which the irony of it all because i didn't even have an address to send it to because he was m.i.a by then so from the ages of 6-7 to 22 no idea where he was didn't even know if he was alive didn't know where he lived nothing now it's important to note that in all of this uh my aunt we we had two lawyers he had his lawyer my aunt is our lawyer so there was always communication because my aunt never moved in all of those years so he still had the same phone number he still had the address the other lawyer still had the phone number and address so our side was very much open but he his side was not as much so like there was always a way for him to contact us but not necessarily the other way around which became an issue because because of the laws of certain countries and i don't even know if they still work this way i remember when we moved to china i wasn't 18 yet when we moved and he had to like sign a piece of paper basically approving that i was going to be leaving the european union again never reached out even when he knew i was going to leave my family is very special in the way that they didn't vilify him um my mom never vilified him i don't know why because he's genuinely just like a terrible person in my opinion and we'll get into that but they were very good at the kind of thing where it's like hey if you want to have a relationship with this person we can try to get you in contact if he's not just like pretending you don't exist and i was still relatively close with my grandpa and grandma on his side around until i was 13 and 14 and then my grandpa died and nobody told me until a year later and that's because my mom and my fam my side did not know and the german side just didn't deem it important enough to tell me i suppose i i don't know truly uh to this day don't know if that grandma is still alive what the deal is nothing cut to when i'm 22. now when i was 22 i when he contacted me he did it at a very particular time because of the laws at the time and i don't know if their german laws or italian laws like i said my family doesn't really talk about this much but because of that a parent needs to provide for the child until they're either married or finished university which i think is an incentive to get kids to go to university and continue with their studies the amount my father was supposed to pay just to give you a ballpark figure would not cover books for a semester so like it i'm not going to say was useless because money is money but at the same time it was like if my mom weren't a working mother it would not cover anything because it genuinely would only cover books for a semester because you guys also know how expensive college books are that being said he went for i think a decade without paying anything so like that shows you how life-changing the money was it was just kind of like a lost cause so i don't know what happened with the lawyers and the thing is like the the money aspect of it to me wasn't about how much you're paying as much as it's like the principle of being like hey you still are my child i still want to help you with books or whatever and he didn't even care to do that so the principle of the money the plan was actually that he was gonna be a stay-at-home dad and my mom would go to work because financially it all worked out so i would have time with a parent as opposed to time with babysitters which i ended up having many many many babysitters um so when i was 22 he reached out via facebook i'm sorry i just find it so funny it's like hey been in my for like 15 years but what's up he basically tried to act like nothing happened which was a very strange experience because how how do you do that you know like you have no idea who i am like who i am you don't know my favorite color like you don't even know the basics about me and you're gonna start talking to me like we like were we're good like like you saw me last week naively i decided to give it a chance because i had been going to therapy for depression and other things but a big part was abandonment issues and trust issues due to the fact that my father just like didn't give a [ __ ] and through that therapy i just learned you can't make anyone love you which is devastating i think in in whatever situation you you are in um especially if it's a parent and especially if it matters to you you can't make someone love you and i think for a really long time that was hard for me to understand because i think that deep down i still wanted him to value me i wanted him to impress him i wanted to you know basic child [ __ ] that you want to do to make your parents proud of you until relatively recently in the past few years that's when i just kind of pulled the plug and said okay this is not going to go where i want it to go and where i wanted it to go was just for us to be civil and be able to have some kind of relationship even if it was weird so i started talking to him when i was 22 and we would do skype calls and just kind of try to get to know each other and just talk about [ __ ] i tried multiple times to get him to take accountability for being a coward basically but i wouldn't obviously i didn't say it like that to him but i was like you need to address this because we cannot move forward with whatever relationship this is whether we're just acquaintances or friendly or whatever until you address that you were a forest fire for our family you we we're not moving on until you address that you had your fuck-ups he would always find a way to skirt around that or find a way to make it somebody else's fault and sure there are plenty of moving parts but you can't just abstain from all responsibility like you went away you didn't tell anyone never tried to contact me did not care if i was alive or dead and i tried multiple multiple times to get him to at least just say he was even sorry but he wouldn't and didn't to this day you guys might know my favorite two holidays of the year are halloween and new year new year rolls around and remember that lie i told you about that if you finished school or if you're married the one parent who's paying child support doesn't have to pay anymore he contacted me right when i was married because he wouldn't know if i had finished school because he didn't know anything about me but on facebook there were pictures of my wedding so i deleted that facebook forever ago so it's interesting that that's when he contacts me right just when you can kind of pull the plug on any kind of financing which frankly like i said i didn't even really care about the money it was more just like the principle of showing some type of care for you that they're like i want to provide for books or whatever the [ __ ] on new year's eve he wanted to do a skype call which i thought oh that's cool like we can do a call before it's midnight for me because i was in vegas at the time i thought it was like a gesture the dumb [ __ ] juice i thought it was a gesture so we start talking just like normal and mind you the whole money child support thing is not something anyone ever talked to me about not my mother not my aunt who's our lawyer it always went between the lawyers and i'm sure my mother knew but it's like you're not gonna tell a kid that because i'm not in control of it and it's none of my business what she did was put all that money aside for me so this was a very uncomfortable conversation because he had told me that basically i can't remember if he i think he was laid off or he left his job and this was way way way before the pandemic so something had occurred at his job and um that he was looking for another job and so there was like a financial strain i was understanding and i was sorry about that uh but he used this whole time before in my opinion my conspiracy allegedly to kind of work up to the point of asking to not contribute anymore as far as my knowledge about all this i didn't even know if he was still paying had paid for the last decade like i did not check for him in any way whatsoever so when he asked me i was kind of put in an awkward position because i didn't know what the situation was and like i said this goes between lawyers my my consent you can ask for it but it's like you can't just ask me out of nowhere knowing full well that i have no idea how much you pay when you pay via what wire transfer paypal i know nothing about this so he kind of i think tried to emotionally manipulate me into thinking he was interested in coming back into my life when the reality was is that he was too cowardly to ask my own lawyer my aunt so he went through me because he knew that with me it would be harder for me to say no like if you're struggling financially of course i'm not going to ask you for anything and this happened on new year's eve so like i remember hanging up the call and just telling my best friend about it and i hadn't even realized what had occurred until i said it out loud to her where i was like oh for i think at least a year he was trying to reconnect with his daughter but actually he contacted me right after i got married he was working up he was working up the courage basically courage i use loosely to stop paying and like i said it's not about the money as much as it's like after that he could be entirely away from me no contact no legal repercussions nothing so i think he wanted a blank slate let's say so i didn't really give him another chance as much as i told them hey you know like this whole situation is making me re-evaluate your intentions and i was like i need time to think about whether and i use this analogy a lot i think also because of therapy that i needed to have the door with him either opened or closed but here it was like a creek and it's like i need the closure of either were were in some type of father-daughter relationship and there's an open communication or the door is closed and then we're done you are dead to me basically which is a very difficult decision to make when you are both extremely angry with this person but also have this urge to impress them in some way in the end this was i think about a year ago or so i just decided or maybe two years i just decided the door is closed because and this this goes for any relationship but especially friendships i think of as the first thing is that you can't be doing 99 of the work all the time like it does not work that way like if your friend is having an off day maybe you do more work that day if you have an off day maybe they do more but if the relationship is you constantly working or fighting for it and the other person is just there no so basically i closed the door i heard from him i think once um he wrote me on skype when kovid started to see if i was safe i never answered because i know he didn't care to know he probably wanted to know if he could inherit something from me who knows but yeah i asked you guys on twitter if you wanted to hear about this i don't know if it's gonna end up being tedious for you guys because it's not like a particularly happy story i mean i guess the rain now makes a lot of sense but that's the story of someone who ain't [ __ ] basically he knows about my channel so if you see this i'm not sorry you guys can let me know if you're comfortable if you've had similar experiences and a lot of people on twitter mention that they relate in some aspect thank you guys so much for watching and thank you to my patrons as always and i'll catch you guys next time [Music] you

Channel: READY TO GLARE

Views: 383,771

Rating: 4.9625645 out of 5

Keywords: story time

Id: C-dLhbDsVWw

Length: 18min 32sec (1112 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 09 2021