TLLS Craig Ferguson - 2013.03.25 - Morgan Freeman, Vera Farmiga

please state your name and what you do for a living I'm a good Jewish state question yes you're probably nervous you've not been on television much have you now could you state your name and what you do for a living my name is Morgan Freeman Morgan Freeman Freeman Freeman Freeman yeah so d oh ok no D yeah no Li and I'm I'm yeah what you could refer to me as an itinerant actor and I tear an actor that means you travel from town to town as part of why are you doing this so you're freaking me out no one's ever done this before now I feel weird I'm I thought but suddenly you have taken all the power from me walking around you I know you're the one with all the power and I look like a damn fool I put it to you Morgan Freeman I thought that's your real name it is it is I was born with it no middle initial real what is that on you I swear makeup and a gun no my shirt I'm wearing some too oh yeah yeah he were the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen put the makeup oh my you don't pay the thing has sexual harassment you can't tell him they look they're beautiful you just have to go what's up she's married so it doesn't count I mean sexual harassment you can't sexually harassed you didn't know that the view stated by Morgan Freeman are not necessarily legally correct Late Show with Craig Ferguson sponsored by or go thank you Wow well I sensational audience they're just amazing man what a fantastic audience yeah but they look at they're looking at me with suspicion they're like Craig can you deliver a quality evening of entertainment for us no that's why I do this never true words my friend are you mocking me no no no I'm I'm here feet one i'm your support system I'm totally mocking you okay that's a great day for America everybody No and it is the you a balloon dance Lera my good yeah good great day for America mm-hmm it's Monday what are we can die hard - one way I've been eating all week and knows it ready yeah I've had waffles will you be good waffles yeah I'll tell you why why cuz I like him yeah hey is it not just a great day for America it's also a great day for Italy the city of Venice was founded on this day in the year 421 so happy birthday Venice if I may say in my best Italian what's the common ago and you know who else has got birthday today Sir Elton John 66 years old happy birthday Sir Elton Venice is Liane Elton John very different of course one's an old crumbling landmark the Italian sailors have been writing over for years happy birthday Sorrell hey great lucky to have a busty today because it also happens to be a waffle doggin today who father dies the day I Ripper all year Fievel Dagon that's at Swedish for waffle Dave offal dogging powerful dog I know this is every year March twenty-fifth every year the people of Sweden gather Volvo's they turn off the Abba CDs and they start making waffles they're like her daddy good hear the drums Fernando it's a big tradition over there I love vofled you never use it up a vowel Dagon oh hell yeah man we have the vowel dozen graphic as far as I'm concerned there are two types of people in this world people who love waffles and al-qaeda know wofully is one of my favorite Holies are there it's right up there with pancakes giving a sinker to pie Oh Halloween yeah some people prefer pancakes to waffles you know like some some guys are like ice men and some guys like breast man you know I say it doesn't matter if you're into waffles and pancakes or asses or breasts they're all much better when the covered in maple syrup there I have to imagine elo waffles anymore the waffle iron just sits there and collects dust is one of those things that you get you know you use that look first and then it just takes up space you don't have you know is what you get this applying it's gonna be great and then it just after a while you get border than it just sits there making comments I watch you when you sleep I think a log I just get like that used a few times then you don't use them again you get waffle irons juicers Underpants and cuz are the infomercials I'm not a fan of the information I don't even like the word infomercial it's lonely these weird hybrid words makes no sense like edutainment or the Jazzercise or Hasselhoff December these informations of a live studio audience I think that's weird why would anyone want to sit in an audience to hear some idiot drone on about useless crap and these informations have disguised as talk shows but they're really just ads and I really hate that by the way my new comedy special is now available on Netflix I will admit though yeah Netflix yeah yeah it's you know it's a thing I well event have fallen out there the infomercials oh I bought a lot of stuff I saw on TV I bought one of them upside down tomato planners which is it's great but whenever I see the orange dangling balls things that I think of that you know Prince Harry remember that night in Vegas oh yeah I was a night when that I was like your Royal Highness he's like come on it's a party like it's Elton John's birthday which it actually is yeah well happy birthday Elton John are you going to the party ice house oh yes I am I never invited well you should you should come with man what a good turn yeah he doesn't like me naked I could put in a good word for you now don't be that way now you be that way no don't you be that I don't need you to be my Emperor Elton John this is why you don't get invited yeah oh you want to go calling me a useless appliance kiss my ass man that's not very safe Nikki you know it's not very late night talk show do she you know isn't it good I love you Ben I love you too man let's make up okay you start from over there no tongue literally let's take a break we'll be right back well bugs welcome back to the waffle dogging spectacular people are going crazy right oh yeah we've gone waffle crazy crazy during the commercial break we covered the entire audience with maple syrup by they've gone crazy I'm doing that pretend thing that people do on TV when they pretend to be excited about nothing at all we're all having a great time everyone in show business knows each other let's all go to hell John's birthday party I'm sorry you're not invited why not cuz you're a douche if I do stops you getting invited to stuff and show business then there must be something else going on cuz I've seen a lot of events where douches are arriving yeah there's there's a hi douche factor out there men well in Hollywood oh yeah what you saying that many people in show business are of a questionable character beauty yes I am well I'm glad you said it not me because I rely on these people come in here and tell me the true chief roots still I've got a show yeah well the exception tonight though you know the big guest tonight oh yes yeah the big kahuna yeah Morgan Freeman's here tonight Morgan Freeman yeah see buddy he's not here yeah yeah man probably be more appropriate to do the cheering and applause when he comes eggs if you do it before I had to get all tired and then you'll be exhausted he comes out you're like oh I'm so tired and Morgan Freeman to be upset I'd be like hey why don't they like me uh Jeff DeWit and Morgan Freeman's voice what the hell these people smell like syrup yeah what uh it don't do not embarrass me when Morgan Freeman is here tonight Ahmed weave it all in dismay now you do not we're good friends you're friends with Morgan Freeman yeah we go to Hollywood parties although alright uh what time is Jeffery Pierson Bates tweet mail time brought to you by Craig Ferguson's new stand-up special available on Netflix hey hey thanks man yeah yeah all right uh we'll do our own jingle oh right we're tweets and emails tweets and emails emails my stand-up special on Netflix all right this is from Eli in Cincinnati Ohio you ever been there beautiful ah what a place you know the thing about Cincinnati is that it's got that fantastic thing right downtown what's the call here the tire factories is it the one that's a crime let's act ready yeah very but what since Internet Cincinnati's got the other thing sidewalk yeah the cyber dear Craig if your robot pal sometimes speaks like Morgan Freeman and your horse buddy sometimes think with Morgan Freeman's voice isn't it going to be confusing when Morgan Freeman's on the show now I'll be fine this is from Sarah Julia Maria Constance and Bree what they're on spring break in Florida I'm 50 years old get someone more appropriate this is from David and Denver Colorado yeah but 900 police I loved Andrew why do I love Denver Jeff like that thin air the thin air man you get a you get on the plane ago at Denver the plane reaches cruising altitude it stops you get up hi Craig my brother thinks you're the man and I have a lot to learn from you give me some wisdom yeah here's the one thing that I've learned never yeah this is from Andy and Marfa Texas you ever been a Marfa you - Feliz that's the place where where is that again that's in the middle part you think hi Craig and Jeff where I am - the Jonas Brothers yeah well that's your business right there and one minute you're up the next minute you're in the middle of the night writing CBS which mine whenever I'm feeling down I usually I go to Jules autobiographer that's what I do Jules autobiography and I read about about Jewel and her life and you know what you know what I love about this book what says well the dedication of the beginning oh yeah it says to those who have taught me with such grace and loved me with such constancy that right there tells you this is going to be a hilarious fun packed thrill ride well I'll get back to it lair oh you know what we could do why don't we play some appropriate music for me to read Jules autobiography my first guest tonight is the big kona Jeff he's here oh my goodness he's here he's got a new size channel series through the wormhole which airs Wednesdays his latest film Olympus has fallen is in theaters now go take a look at this you are the Acting President of the United States oh yeah more gun free I didn't know you were friends with Jeff you guys hang out you kidding we go yeah we're going to Elton John's party this weekend yeah guys are show business buddies there ya know I gotta tell you that story right but my oldest boys 11 years old we see a trailer for this movie you go alright yeah he says that Morgan Freeman as President of the United States I went yeah anyway I love movies like that uh-huh good man yeah and either way many movies - is there any - I can think of where your President of the United States don't know I was only in well that one makes two but I was like acting president that one and the other one deep impact that was president yeah and then you yeah you were you've been good in a couple of movies and uh you always you know what the US with what rocket on gravitas that's what it is I remember I remember that we bite with Robin Hood when they were like when you were like a Robin Hood and he's like I am Robin Hood and am English you better go diggity yeah and that was the old more yeah you were a more yeah I sorry I was fantastic why do you why do you think you make that noise with your mouth you that again sort of a throat sound do it again I can do it the French do it all the time the French yeah well I think that's their language is pretty much based on that isn't it pretty much yeah like it's right right speak French okay you do wait Bob yeah I'm sure they yeah yeah yeah I went well just die cut up I'm trying to force you to speak a little more French engage if you actually speak more Ray's same a papaya more long Martin L sacre bleu yeah Wow that's French sounds much more American when you say though it sounds like more mm-hmm I really don't know how to take that yeah hey listen the the Science Channel thing I thought you weren't gonna do another one you're doing another one no no we're weird yeah we're we're on for the long haul and this is the this one's about the higgs-boson park well we got it yeah we have we have a show about the Higgs boson now you take me through that again the Higgs boson party that's the core not the god particle right yeah I was all about oh I don't know how many decades now they sort of figured out they've been trying to come up with a theory that explains everything right creation to all intents and purposes yeah that's not gonna be popular if they come up with that you know that what I have okay so they've been looking for this thing and now that these two physicists have found it oh but you know here's a problem with things like that years ago they decided that the smallest particle of matter was the atom I remember that right yeah now we discovered that whoops wrong but you can go deeper into that and I said the electrons protons your electron so now the Higgs boson is such a tiny bit of whatever it is right that they still haven't seen it only evidence of it so it's kind of like Punxsutawney Phil maybe if that means anything yeah so but what now the problem is that there are physicists who know all these guys are thinking they don't have you know they're just like they do Matt yeah so okay so what two and two is normally four but in this case it looks like it's four and a half you know yeah yeah so now they've decided that some have decided now there's more to the Higgs boson than what we see show them something they haven't seen it but there's more to it even though they haven't seen it yeah these guys go together I mean really yes they're out of their minds yeah it really are they can't be in their minds because you couldn't think like this yeah it but they what they know is there is more to the universe than what we see of course I have all the matter in the universe is not the laws of physics don't work quite as they should so there must be something else and that's something else they now call it dark matter so we have dark matter and dark energy nobody seen it but they know it's there it's one of those things I think those were some in the audience some nights there's been some dark matter in the audience and your audience I wouldn't yeah yeah sometimes I feel myself being sucked into this car ah that noise huh yeah I saw the qualified Dark Matter you think about it no going there my friend I upset too many people tonight the Pope was elected I ain't touching this all right touch you wanna be that way go ahead yeah okay yeah anyway that but that's that's what I know about the Higgs boson yeah it's it I'll give you a little a little a little information okay I your friend yes I'm going to Geneva Switzerland oh yes - Gil a war it's called CERN Awards er n - State Stephen Hawking Wow and the two physicists who found the Higgs boson now you're gonna tell time that's great Amy actor from the u.s. to go to Switzerland to do this yeah but here's the thing here's the thing would I be passed gravity was privatized because it's not justified to an actor I mean they wouldn't probably sure as an actor they're not gonna say hey Paulie can you come out and give her the certain price for particle physics it's not gonna happen like that because you're a knight of a very specific heft that's what it is that's what I say anyway I've always liked to you yeah a little weight - I like that mummy cat sure okay we'll take a commercial break Morgan and I are gonna make Gerber right back everywhere physicists have long suspected there must be some invisible force field spread across but I'm here with Morgan Freeman who I you you play golf right I pick off y'all I play at it you play at it yeah am i serious heck are you I mean are you any good how long you been playing I've been playing now for right around 12 13 years yeah see I so you came to fairly late in life to then guys play on there cuz I started six months ago yeah no yeah but I'm yeah no I suck I am you're very bad at yep you have you ever done one of them celebrity pro-am things I do no yes yes yes I I forget uh yeah I have I've done I've done about four four five maybe okay yeah yeah it was it fun uh no no I I would imagine yeah because you know if you play as bad as I do yeah and I do I'm sure yeah and you know the TV know like a bear cannot you vote those people answer and now at the tea Morgan Freeman this hush comes over everything and you tee up your ball you go through your whole routine you know address the ball slap the ball giggles yeah you play like me yeah embarrassing people laugh at you know they know don't dare cause you're Morgan Freeman yeah gravitas rabbit ash that's what it is ooh can we do no propose yeah I like to know I like those two all right then would you know proposed hang on I'll try and get off ever sweat going right I'll do an awkward pause and you will you lead the way you're Morgan Freeman and I'm me okay don't whenever you want to get started off we go my next guest is an oscar-nominated actress oscar-nominated Jeff oscar-nominated oh the audience is not impressed but I know too late well they're like yeah but she didn't win the cheek she's in a new TV series she's the new TV series Bates Motel which is Monday night show on A&E take a look at this no there was nothing to take out right right my mom's nothing creepy beautiful mega ah dear how lovely to see you I'm so excited you're meeting here last time you were gonna be on the show and then you became deathly ill yeah flakes last minute at Curtin it was that's all right are you okay now yeah yeah I know that was a bad goulash fried goulash from a taco shop no you cooler do you go to roadside taco stands all the time really yeah I'm gonna do that too I like your dress thank you I touch it yeah it seems like the oh no it's lovely it's cottony mmm it's very nice happy buffle Dagon oh thank you thank you do you celebrate bargain we had buffers this morning gluten-free that's the only way to have them actually it's not I don't really know what gluten is when they say gluten is this is killer it's filler what like it's like like just fat uh it's um no it just fills like what it's like what I do between commercials really it's just is it fattening filler yeah well I don't want that hmm I do want that why are you doing that for that's nice you're touching your mouth is that a body language thing I like it this looks creepy this show I mean no no this show is pretty creepy but I mean this show that you're in Phoebe yeah yeah yeah is it like psycho it's the price of an anxiety inducing thriller it's it's a prequel it's a contemporary prequel to psycho oh so it's mrs. Bates it's Norma Bates which we know nothing about and we we all know how that relationship ends yeah and I thought it was kind of a fascinating backwards story exploration of how that mother and son got there so you play a very mad mother than might be interpreted as such but might not see in my experience people who have difficult model grow up to be stand-up comedians not necessarily not kidding yeah are you a mother hmm yeah I've got piles of kids many rough roughly how many - oh wow that's all I want to go to - oh the way charlie - and four oh that's that's very busy yeah that's yeah that's Spring Break which is a total misnomer yeah spring no spring and it's not a break for you diarrhea for three weeks I don't know what to do I don't Oh kids get diarrhea it happens a lot actually yeah yeah it was that why you weren't here last time when you were gonna be here and then no laughs I'm not asking if you have your diarrhea I'm not so uh Formiga that's Italian for Amiga God meteor greenin Ukrainian well I'm Ukrainian of heritage but it does sound Italian it does send Italian Farmiga but it's not funny guys la viga Vera Farmiga is what my parents name is pronounced Vera Farmiga have you been - yeah I know how Americans pronounce aya have you been to the Ukraine yeah I was a professional Ukrainian folk dancer you brought it with me no well semi-professional I wasn't paid that the the star dancers were paid and you know you're a Ukrainian folk dancers over for example I could conjure up in some way some Ukrainian folk music right now I don't know if I can did it with me I'm not a professional I would never get involved with Ukrainian folk dance I could get hurt is it lit is it like is it what's going on over there Terry did he get my gift last time when I flaked on you felt so bad I left him a gift what did you leave him like like a Chernobyl sized carrot I'd say my guess is Jeff probably got ahold of that what were you doing come on then come and get your car he's coming yeah they'll be very careful feeding this horse it's a very easy he's a thoroughbred you have to feed him through his pants all right yet gently jet there you are what do you say thank you yeah yeah all right get off yeah you uh you keep horses you have a way with them clearly no I know I keep goats goats hmm you got it put me again yeah many goats do you have roughly I have a handful one just passed away I'm so sorry to hear that delicious or not that's a really awful thing to say I'm sorry I don't know if you really have goats though oh you really oh I'm sorry well that case I'm sorry I was mean about you I wasn't mean I just you know sorry for making an edible comment about your day that's all right um would you keep them for milk milk uh well the Nubians are for milk and and the Angoras are for wool you know about goats yeah yeah do you have any other animals do you have livestock uh no no only goats oh and two children and two children do you make them drink goat's milk you have to breed them first that's how memories work they don't lactate and unless you breed and we have in Gavin bread we haven't coupled them with with mitten so you've just got lady goats who are not had the pleasure of a gentleman's company I see so therefore there there's no goat milk no and now they're too old to breed it's it passed they'll be fine it's fine well you what do you think about this who smells nice don't can I smell I guess someone back there was pervasive I don't know if I meant pervasive good or pervasive let me smell it again is it is it perfume from a door-to-door salesman it's an oil I said it's an oil with me again no you you someone came to your door and salad perfume you bought it there's been yeah there's been a kind of a whole wave of peddlers coming good selling things at our Dorset yeah one approached my husband the other day it was some guy with a cart it was covered he was selling discount meat past expiry date yes you like you and buy it did he buy it no no he was driving a hearse who was your husband a husband driving a hearse of the meat guy hi meat guy was driving it was a station wagon it wasn't a real hearse it was a dark station wagon but just you know a dark station wagon with curtains and big long windows we're out of time you're fascinating with fascinating young women you are listen I'd like to give you something enjoy the copy of Jules chasing dumb gone I I really thank you like it meaning for me we learned on the show tonight Jeffrey yes great now you're going to that party with Morgan Freeman tonight yeah I wonder if you could possibly take me along with you well I'd certainly like to you guys both talk like Morgan Freeman when you're together yes bring some paradox in the universe so it's only because I can't talk like Morgan Freeman that I can't come with you well maybe if you talk like someone else might make me feel comfortable what about David Bowie go ahead I dare you I'd like to join you and Morgan Freeman at Elton John's birthday party neaten you can come to the party and Elton John's but I warned you gonna be a lot of dark Mary you

Channel: Antonio FergusonFan

Views: 614,333

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Id: NGLPg5KRJEs

Length: 38min 49sec (2329 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 26 2013