Hello my internet friends, and welcome back
to my channel. A few months ago I did a video on 5 signs that you might be autistic
and ADHD, and I wanted to follow up on this because it seems like it resonated with
a lot of people. But that video was about what it feels like on the inside, experiencing
that kind of state of duality, and today I want to talk about some strategies that help
me and could help you [Music] For those of you who are new here, I am Sam
and I make content about autism and ADHD, from a neurodiversity affirming standpoint. Ever since
my own autism diagnosis, four years ago and more recently realizing that I got to the ADHD as well.
But as it turns out there really aren't that many resources to help us. Up until 2013 you couldn't
even get a dual diagnosis of autism and ADHD, so if you had one diagnosis you couldn't get the other
diagnosis. But that of course doesn't mean that we didn't already exist. So the research body is
obviously limited to the last 10 years and we're only just entering the phase of people receiving
both diagnoses and kind of like figuring out what it's all about. So I have a few tips today from
my own experience. The danger of giving out tips online, life hacks or whatever, is that it can make
you all think that I have my whole life together perfectly and that's really not the case all the
time, but I have noticed my life getting easier to manage, while following these principles. So maybe
they'll help you too. Number one: Appease Both Sides of You If you have autism and ADHD you must
appease both sides of you. And this can be hard when you get one diagnosis first and the other one
later or maybe one as an official diagnosis and the other one is, you know, self-identified. Or even
if both are self-identified. It took me a really long time to really believe that my ADHD was real
despite the fact that it was causing me problems in my day-to-day life, but at the time it kind of
seemed a bit like an add-on to my autism diagnosis which seemed the more significant diagnosis. But
that was actually not the case. I went through so much internalized ableism regarding my ADHD,
because I think I just picked up the stuff that I heard around me like "oh it's not a real thing"
"it doesn't exist" "it's not that bad" "you're just being lazy" "everyone's like that". There's a lot of
stuff that people like to say when they have no experience of having ADHD. You know I pick up
on that and I think I really internalized that and really believed that these were my faults. But
I've learned that if you don't accept either side if you don't take each side seriously, that you
really can't find any kind of a good balance in life. If you focus on your autistic accommodation
and needs only, you're very likely to go through what I think some people call a "bore-out", which is
basically where you're bored and understimulated, because you're not giving your ADHD what it needs.
I don't know if bore-out is an official thing. I feel like it should be a thing. I didn't actually make
up this term, by the way, but I don't know where it came from. On the other hand if you focus on
accommodating your ADHD only, you are very likely to go through an autistic burnout. Where you are
over stimulated and over scheduled and life is chaotic and stressful and overwhelming, because you are ignoring your basic autistic needs. So don't focus so much on one that you neglect the needs
of the other. And it is so hard to get this balance right, but you can learn to recognize the signs
and symptoms of autistic burnout or ADHD bore-out, obviously these will be slightly different for
each person but you can learn to recognize them. So for example, it's not really a surprise that my
ADHD symptoms started to become a little bit more pronounced during lockdown, because I was bored and understimulated. And obviously this can be mistaken for depression. But I believe it's kind of an ADHD
specific version of depression - I'm just making up" I'm making up new diagnoses now - basically under
stimulation, chronic under stimulation. Something that has really helped me with this kind of bore-out thing is exercise - I know I know don't grout - Because as it turns out I have actually always
been physically hyperactive but as a child I didn't notice it because I was doing so much
sports. There was a point where, you know, when I was about nine or something, and I was training for... I was in gymnastics Club, I was training seven times a week, I was doing school sports or
whatever, and I was still finding time to kind of like, you know be upside down on the sofa. The
physical hyperactivity was less obvious and then as you leave school kind of like the structure
fades away. You have to do things yourself and obviously as an adult it's very easy to not
exercise as much. So I have found exercise to be really really helpful in like getting me that
stimulation, especially when I exercise with like super poppy music or like very very rocky stuff,
something that's like extremely stimulating enough, uplifting while I'm exercising. It's that little
dose of like BOOM in the morning and then the rest of the day I can be a bit more like chill
and focus more on sort of like autistic stuff Do I time block my autism and ADHD? Maybe. But I think that exercise has helped me feed you know the the ADHD troll that lives under the bridge in my
brain. Another large part of dealing with this kind of bore-out, is having a little bit of fun and
this can be really hard to do when you're autistic as well. Because maybe socializing or whatever,
is hard because that environment isn't good for your autistic needs. Now I've definitely used
alcohol for this in the past when I was younger, you know, used it way too much as a coping mechanism. Because the alcohol allows me to tolerate the sensory aspects of the environments
where the fun was being had. So for example, you like to go clubbing, well I didn't really like to
go clubbing, but let's say you like to go clubbing and you enjoy dancing but having that experience
you also have to put up with a huge variety of other sensory issues. And by the way this is not a
recommendation! Do not recommend using alcohol in this way, but I know that a lot of us might do
it and not actually realize that's what we're doing at the time. So finding ways to find like a
controlled fun manageable fun, planned spontaneity, that kind of stuff, is really important. So I've
talked a lot about the ADHD bore-out, now I want to talk about autistic burnout, which I think
is probably the bigger elephant in the room. I think it's more significant to understand autistic
burnout or deal with that first. I know that a lot of my viewers comment and contact me saying that
they've been through a burnout. A lot of people go through an autistic burnout before their diagnosis.
Generally characterized by being in a permanent state of overwhelm, feeling frazzled, hypersensitive,
everything is just too much and even small demands are kind of sending you into meltdown on a more
regular basis. And this can be a really long-term thing, that kind of goes on for years if it's
not addressed. And I believe this is a result of either kind of like a big event or a big kind of
trigger event or just living a life that neglects your autistic needs long term. And when I say
autistic needs I mean appropriate rest, space, quiet, and routine I've been through a few burnout phases in my life, typically lasting kind of like, few months before I can get myself going again. I
went through one after my son was born, obviously parenthood really disrupts your life and disrupts
your routines and kind of yanks away your coping mechanisms. So that's kind of a different topic
for another time. Now, can you be burned out and bored-out at the same time? That is the question.
I think from my experience, yes you can. Despite autism and ADHD seeming to contradict each other
I think they both affect your nervous system and overall quality of life. The feeling in your body,
the feeling in your brain and a very stressful period could easily kind of attack both sides
of you. This is kind of like, a half form theory, so this is just my experience where I think
that you can have both happening at the same time. But I'm really interested to know if
you've kind of been through a similar, especially with the bore-out thing at the same time as the
burnout. For me, it has happened after a period of quite intense stress or a big project that I
finished that I've overdone because I haven't planned properly, because of the ADHD, and then
I sort of like either the project comes to an end or I finish ,or I burnout and I stop doing
things. And then that's accompanied by the sort of like bore-out and apathy and kind of depression.
Because everything I do then overstimulates me. I can never get the balance right, so trying to do
things is too overwhelming, so that the ADHD never gets the simulation it needs. This wasn't actually
supposed to be a burnout tips video, but I do think in this situation, especially if you're on the
hypersensitive side of the sensitivity spectrum, it's really important to find ways to stimulate
yourself that you can control, so for example rather than going to a club and compensating with
alcohol, you are blasting loud music through your headphones but you're doing that kind of like
on a regular basis, rather than just, whenever you think about it. I always forget to listen to
music but when I do it makes me feel good. So even though I've said to appease both sides and that is
really important, I stand by that. I will say that I think that you need to be extra gentle and extra
nurturing towards your autistic side, and it's a really hard thing to balance and for me getting on top of
my weekly schedule and routines has helped me kind of like set the framework so that my autistic
needs are met every week and that's so important. And then I get to sprinkle a little spontaneity
and fun on top and yes I do plan my spontaneity. Oh that was a long one! Number two: Find Ways
to be Supported. My second tip is to find ways to be supported by others. And I know for some
people it can be a bit like "ugh, other people". But hear me out, there is a myth that some of us live
independently. Nobody lives independently. Nobody in the world lives independently unless you are
literally in an isolated shack on a mountain with zero contact. And this myth of Independence won't
die out because we like to believe that we can do it all ourselves but we can't. You are allowed to
depend on others for help, you are allowed to pay others to help you with things that other people
don't need to pay others to help you with things. So consider outsourcing things that you are A) bad
at and B) things that you can do but cost a lot of energy and mental capacity. And now I understand
that for a lot of us, probably most of us, paying someone for all of these things is not actually
an option. There are other ways to get this support, consider something like task swapping with a
friend. Maybe they will help you get your house organized if you help them with their taxes or
something like that. You'll both have different strengths and weaknesses and if you can try and
swap that. That could work out really well and cost nothing. There's also the option of body doubling.
I find I can get through my tasks, especially ones that I really hate doing but can do, if I just have
somebody literally sitting there and watching me do it. I don't really understand why that makes
any difference, but it does. And something that's really important for me, I think, which is probably
why this works is being able to kind of like talk, process my thoughts aloud as I'm doing them. Talk
to that person without the expectation the person will talk back other than to validate what I'm
saying. But body doubling doesn't have to be in real life or talking or interacting like that.
Some people find just sitting on a video call in silence with somebody, when you both have tasks
to get done some people find that works really well. So that's also an option to think about. The
reason getting other people to support you is so important, is because I know that I have spent a
lot of time and energy focusing on the things that I'm bad at, trying to improve that. And sometimes
I have to admit that just isn't worth it. It's not worth your time, it's not worth your energy. If
your weaknesses are related to autism, ADHD or another neurodivergent condition, you may find ways
to manage them, to help you get along but they're never going to go away because that's just how
your brain works. And that's been a really hard thing for me to accept because I have a tendency
to feel kind of like a failure, if I'm bad at stuff. So the solution is to not be bad at stuff. Right?
Part of letting other people help you is releasing yourself from this self-constructed mental prison
and just think about what you could achieve, what you could do with your life if you focused on
your natural strengths and talents instead of worrying about the things you're not good at and
stubbornly clinging to the myth of Independence. I just want to take a little break from the
video to remind you that my autistic traits workbook is now available on Amazon, for people
who are in the early stages of their autistic self-discovery and need some help organizing their
thoughts and memories, so that it all makes sense. Maybe in preparation for assessment or maybe just
to understand themselves better. It's a workbook so you can write in it. It's very colorful and pretty
and I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who's bought the book so far and especially those
who have left such nice reviews on Amazon. Now back to the video! Number three: Plan, Plan, Plan. Planning
has become such a crucial part of keeping my whole life together, especially now that we are a
family of four. And so, I really believe that it's so crucial to find a planner or planning
system that works for you whether, that's paper or digital. I used to try a lot of kind of overly
complicated systems. I think I even might have done videos on them a couple of years ago. But now
I pretty much use three planning systems. I use the trusty clever Fox Journal, that I've used for
years to plan out my week and my month. A couple of months ago, I recently started using Notion
as my main digital planner and this has been a revelation to me. And I use Google Calendar as well.
And that's kind of it. I try and keep everything on those three systems. Now I personally like digital
and paper, I find that the act of writing something down actually helps me kind of remember it
and focus on what I need to do that week. But obviously digital has the benefit that you can
access it and edit it wherever you are, whether you're on your phone or out and about or on your
laptop or whatever. As part of the system I have developed a Sunday reset routine, which helps me
stay on top of things in a sustainable way. This is basically a checklist of things that you do
every Sunday - Sunday makes the most sense to me - to make sure that the everyday admin stuff stays
up to date, and things never get too overwhelming. And if you do this, do consider including family
members where appropriate, I have an ADHD husband so we both really benefit going through the week
ahead knowing what the other one's doing, reminding each other of things that the other one needs to
be, needs to remember, like most of our relationship at the moment is just reminding the other one to
do stuff. And sometimes we even go through the day, at the beginning of the day, so that we know what
we're both doing that day, to kind of keep ahead of things. Now, the Sunday routine tasks are for
the most part really boring things that I hate doing because they are boring. But planning and
keeping on top of things is really important for my autistic needs. So if you're going to do this
reset, it's an idea to do it in a stimulating way. You know, with like music and smelly candles and
excitement simulation. I think it's also really important to stick to a time limit here, because
otherwise you're going to feel like it's a slog, it's a marathon, and the thing is 30 minutes should
be enough, if you do it every week. What she says So, the Sunday reset would include 10 minutes of
going through your emails, go through anything that you've missed or need to reply to and add to your
next week's to-do list or something like that. Go through junk unsubscribe from a couple of things.
If you don't get through it all, that's fine, after 10 minutes you stop. You're done. Then the next 10
minutes: washing the dishes, loading or emptying the dishwasher, or even just clearing the sink just
do 10 minutes of that and stop. Then I like to do a five minute kind of additional tidying up
of the main living area. If you have kids you'll know that tidying app is pretty much a constant
thing, but after a weekend, after the week, you know, there's other stuff that needs to be put back.
So generally that's the time to do that on top of the you know, toy tidy up that happens. And the
last five minutes is looking over your meal plan, making sure that you've got the ingredients, if
you do plan your meals, which I do. Highly recommend but you can't do that in five minutes. But this is
just an additional right, " what are we eating?" "do I need to get anything out of the freezer for
tomorrow?", that kind of thing. So that's just five minutes there. And I do find that this setup even
though it might seem like five minutes here in, 10 minutes here, it doesn't really do much it will
help you over the long term build a sustainable routine. And if you are interested, I made a nice
little PDF checklist of my Sunday reset routine. You can find it in the links in the description
box below. Tip number four is to Cultivate Self-Compassion. My final tip is to constantly
cultivate compassion towards yourself. I think the audhd combo especially, I think we tend to be
really hard on ourselves, overly hard on ourselves. Specially because we might not necessarily feel
all autistic or all ADHD and so, that can lead us to think that maybe we don't have it as bad as
others. But being audhd is its own unique challenge and we must take the time to recognize that ,and
acknowledge how exhausting it can be. And most importantly allowing ourselves to be proud of the
progress that we've made so far and how far we've come. But I'm very aware that saying just "love
yourself" is not very helpful and actually not very easy to do. Journaling has been something
that has helped me, although I feel like I don't have that much time to do that now. Although
I probably do. But rather than just writing wherever your brain wants to go or writing
about things that have happened, it's a better idea to journal with this goal in mind. This go goal
of cultivating self-compassion. And you can find various prompts online. I literally just Googled
"Journal prompts for self-compassion" and loads of really good stuff came up, and you can pick the ones
that you think might be good. So some example prompts might be "what does my body need right
now?" "what does my brain need right now?" "how can I do something nice for myself tomorrow?" "am I giving
myself an unnecessarily hard time over anything?" "do I put too much pressure on myself?". I think you get
the idea. Just a few sentences is fine. Literally only needs to take five minutes or so, but getting
into the habit of being kind to yourself is very powerful. If you're more into the visualization
stuff you can kind of incorporate self-compassion exercises into kind, of like a mindfulness routine.
It's been really helpful for me to visualize my inner child or sort of like a younger version
of myself that I feel compassion towards and basically that allows me to view myself from the
outside, and for me it's much easier to kind of like, lay the compassion onto another person than
onto myself. So if I externalize myself, it kind of makes it easier for me. You know, it's this concept
of you wouldn't treat your loved ones this way so why are you treating yourself this way? And
by externalizing my inner child or my younger self, I found it a lot easier to understand what I
need or see when I'm just hurting. And ultimately develop more self-compassion as I integrate that
into my everyday life. And I've noticed a change that by practicing being kinder to myself it has
actually allowed me to be more open and giving to others. And I don't mean giving as in a give,
give, serve other people sort of way, I just mean that because I'm not holding on to all this hurt,
I'm able to release that for other people and I think that my friendships and relationships have
benefited from that. You got this! You can do this" Don't forget your freebies down below. Take care
of yourselves everyone and see you next time! Bye so the research body oh my God the cat
do I let her in or not I don't know what do you want? yeah. So don't focus so
much on one one on one one... on one on... tip number four is to cultivaLte... cultivaLte
if you're more into the visual visualization data by storm
