This is NOT narcissistic baiting

hey everyone it's Dr Romney welcome back to this YouTube channel on narcissism and welcome also back to this what is and what is not series it's a means of not only bringing the point home on clarifying some of these things these Concepts glossary terms as it were but also differentiating them from things that people aren't always clear what these are before I go forward I'm always going to remind you I do have my healing program and this is a great month to sign up 25 off on your first month if you sign up before the end of September and you get the you have to use the discount code to register go to all of that if you're interested in the video notes so let's talk about what is and what is not baiting so this series again is designed to get at sort of what is and what isn't so you really get what it is uh baiting so I was watching succession last night oh my God it's like the altar of narcissism shows right it's the best every character in the show is narcissistic which is fun but it's not so because everyone's narcissistic now I'm trying to figure out what kind each one is in this scene two of the brothers were going at each other one is a more malignant cruel narcissist the other one more vulnerable and broken the vulnerable and broken one appears to be trying to be a bit gray rock giving one word answers and even just going along with the malignant brother but then the malignant brother just says come on fight with me get mad it's as though the malignant brother couldn't release the tension until the brother who he kept taunting and insulting and bullying finally broke and showed a little emotion and fight largely because it appeared that the malignant brother wanted to destroy him so that was one of the best examples I'd ever seen of baiting was not seen in succession so baiting is how they pull you in how they draw you in into conflict narcissistic folks love the fight they Thrive under conditions of antagonism so when you are trying to gray rock or disengage they aren't having it they need you to be messy and chaotic so not only can they get the satisfaction of the fight but also so you get so frothed up that they can contemptuously write you off as being unhinged and shame your feelings calm down you are too sensitive you are out of control the challenge is that if you don't take the bait they escalate and escalate to the point that they are saying such cruel and awful things that you have to weigh out what is worse getting into the fight with them or standing there while while a person says awful things to you and not take the bait I'm not sure what the answer is and that's what baiting is it's what makes these narcissistic relationships feel impossible because just when you think you have gray rocking and not going deep wired they bait and bait and bait and you may react and then you feel remorse after not reacting for so long be kind to yourself it's only human to react and take the bait and that's what the whole setup is so that's what baiting is the bigger question is what isn't baiting number one it isn't just a person asking a question or making a simple request maybe that you don't want to do so if a person asks a question is your sister coming do we have to pick them up from the airport or can you not post that picture those kinds of things the simple requests it's a question is your sister coming do we have to pick that person up at the airport that's a question that's a request now the requestion the question or the request may not be something you want to talk about like you know for example they don't like your sister but if it fits into the conversation it may not be baiting number two baiting is not having a different opinion from you if they say I like such and such candidate in the election and tell you why and with a normal non-taunting tone of voice and without disparaging your preference that's not baiting now if you tell them specifically I don't want anyone to talk about politics at my birthday party and they bring up the candidate conversation that may be baiting but even Beyond politics if they say I don't like this restaurant or I don't think that's a mechanically good car then that may not be baiting if however this is bringing up a long-running conflict perhaps about a certain restaurant and then they drop the restaurant bomb then that may be more in line with baiting you can see it's a little bit hazy but just a normal difference of opinion that's shared in an appropriate manner not baiting number three a person is just living their lives maybe a friend goes to a birthday party or of of a person you don't like so your friends go in your birthday party of a person that you don't like or they plan a trip that coincides with your birthday because that's when their vacation time fell or a person goes to the grocery store without consulting you first that's probably not baiting you may be hurt or frustrated that they remain friends with that other person who might have been hurtful to you or that they may miss your birthday dinner which they didn't know about because they got their vacation time a while ago or that they don't bring home the eggs you wanted but if they're not doing that not if they're not doing them and not in response to something you did that's not baiting even if you don't like what they are doing number four a person giving solicited feedback is not baiting if you ask someone do you like this or can you let me know if this is a good idea or what are your thoughts about this and they answer you honestly and constructively it may not be baiting now if they are forwarding their own agenda and not being honest about it like are you sure you are ready for that job it means more time spent traveling and they don't want you to travel then that may be baiting because they may want to draw you into a conflict and they aren't being transparent about their criticism or they're undermining now if they came out straight and say Ugg that actually seems like a great job but the travel concerns me then that is not baiting because they are giving you feedback and being transparent about their concerns so it's again about that transparency piece a lot of the things that are not baiting are a little bit hazy because they can become baiting depending on the context if their behavior or words are reactive or inappropriate to the situation then that question or that opinion or that feedback may qualify as baiting if it feels like it pings on a standing conflict while the words themselves may feel neutral it may be baiting baiting can take so many forms Behavior sins of omission taunts Jabs mockery jokes at your expense insults or criticism of things that or people that matter to you passive aggressive sulking as a result there are lots of things it is ultimately baiting is a dominance move for them sometimes it's a victimhood move and ultimately though as a dominance move people who are narcissistic are always seeking dominance however what can happen is that the baiting is such a regular fixture of these relationships that when someone comes along and engages in behavior that may not feel good we may be tempted to call it baiting always remember the goal of baiting is to draw you into a conflict a defensive posture or a reaction if that is not what is driving a person's Behavior then it's not baiting unfortunately however you're not always privy in fact you're typically not privy to other people's motivations baiting sucks because it is meanness and gaslighting all wrapped into one but it definitely allows the narcissistic person and others to maintain the narrative that you as the other person in the relationship may be the one who is the one who is emotionally reactive and dysregulated simply because you are reacting to them when enough baiting occurs more than a few people feel that the only path forward is disengagement and even no contact and that can be a painful recognition keep in mind too a sentence that may be completely neutral can be turned into a bait sentence simply by tone of voice are you are you going are you going to the store ugh you're going to are you going to the store so you can see that just that are you going to the store can be are you going to the store question or are you going to the store contempt so in that understanding how tone can even take those points I made and transform something into baiting something I'm aware of and because it's so hazy a lot of people aren't always so sure but I will tell you this if you feel like you need to defend and get in there most likely it's baiting hope that clears it up thanks again

Channel: DoctorRamani

Views: 28,001

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Id: ujoTCMPwnL8

Length: 10min 0sec (600 seconds)

Published: Sat Sep 24 2022