This Is A Conversation Every Woman Needs to Hear | Women of Impact Panel

I'm Lisa B Lea and I went from housewife to co-found and a billion dollar company quest nutrition and now president of impact theory our mission with this show is empower you and all women to recognize you really can become the hero of your own life welcome to women of impact in 2015 7 and 10 mothers with kids younger than 18 were in the labor force that's up 47% since 1975 now here's another stat for you in 1946 only approximately 9% of women were told us which has more than doubled since then now neither of these stats actually surprised me in the slightest you see I grew up with a mom who gave up her career to be a stay at home mother and the very next generation me has decided to not have kids at all now I recently sat with her and asked her why she gave up her career and she looked me so matter-of-factly dead in the eyes and said where there wasn't a choice it was expected of me now through my own personal evolution I totally could relate to the pressures of having children I was brought up in the same traditional Greek family and throughout my childhood and during the eight years I was a stay-at-home wife I thought I was going to have children it was expected and the truth is I didn't even question him until we actually started quest and over time my desire to be in business overpowered my desire to be a mother but I was ashamed I was ashamed to say out loud in fear of judgment in fear a judgment on my womanhood in fear I would be perceived as not being nurturing or not caring or loving and you want to know the worst part of all of that I didn't fear that judgment from my husband I feared it coming from other women so I just hid it but times have changed now it's not as rare to say that you choose a career over motherhood in fact it's now tipping the scale in the other direction and being a working woman is celebrated now I was in line at a buffet once and the woman behind me in light conversation said she was just a mother now she wasn't saying it because she didn't love it in fact she beamed when she spoke about her kids so why on earth does she say just and that's when you hit me we women are so concerned about what other people think of our choices that we seem to feel like our choices are not of value and I think we all just need to stop we need to stop judging and having opinions on what any woman chooses to do whether you choose to be a stay-at-home mother a working mother or choose to not have children at all no answer is right wrong or easy and so my hope is that in opening up this discussion we women can begin to see that this might not have to be a battle we fight this is not the White Walkers versus the Nights Watch we can be allies and support and uplift each other no matter what we choose so today I wanted to do a different kind of show I wanted to bring on women with different stories but ultimately women who have the same message their choices like for so many of us weren't easy okay first up I'd like to introduce to the phenomenal Lilian Garcia during Lillian's first marriage she thought she didn't want children and even Cyclops couldn't compete with how laser-focus she was on her career and well it paid off WWE host singer and speaker this woman has performed in front of hundreds of millions of people and has been featured well literally everywhere but despite her historic rise her marriage took a fall but every story has a silver lining and for her it led to finally meeting and falling in love with a man of her dreams and that's when she realized she actually did want children just not with her first husband but as life would have it after endless attempts to conceive they finally were told they couldn't and it hit hard so after careful consideration they decided to adopt but that plan was put on hold when her dad fell ill once he sadly passed she evaluated her life once more and came to the conclusion that she was no longer in a place to raise a family yes it's safe to say this woman of impact shows what it means to truly have the courage and strength to make the choices that are right for I'd also like to introduce to you the sweetest human being on the planet Sonia Hatter wife and co-founder of their Purpose Driven company thrive the number one rated conference for entrepreneurs and business professionals along with her husband Cole their mission isn't only to show how to build and sustain a full purpose business but making your money matter in order to create a positive impact around the world making their message and their voice fresher than Wrigley's gum now apart from running this thriving business through their organization they have not only helped build roofs bathrooms and water filtration systems for an orphanage in Mexico who have also teamed up with pencil of promise to help build schools and as if all of that wasn't enough she is first and foremost importantly a mother to two ridiculously cute daughters but she bravely shares in a war and vulnerable way on her website more than just a momma that being a wife mother boss partner friend sister daughter and leader is far from easy yep this woman of impact shows that in what it means to truly have the courage and strength to make the choices that are right for her so guys welcome to a very special edition of women of impact Wow intro oh my G that was beautiful I was emotional I was like having said everything well thank you guys for being here your stories even in the intro just doesn't do it justice and so I really want to take this time to dive in deep and talk about the stories and the things that you guys have gone through how did you feel growing up what was your in fact what was your perspective growing up of having children well it was I came from Serbia when I was four and so being an immigrant it was basically you have to work really hard your whole life you save your money you get married you buy a house and you have children like it's just standard that's what they all do and and really back at home my dad's one of eight and so you want to have a big family so I've always known that I wanted to be a mother and so I've have my two beautiful girls and I cannot even explain where I am in my life right now I never would have thought I would be where I am I think that seeing my mom work two jobs her entire life to support us and my dad but I did know that the day that I had children that I wanted to be able to go to their performance as their plays or go to you know a gymnastic show or anything that they were doing I wanted to really be a part of it you know become a soccer coach and I want to have a best the best of both worlds I want to work because I really really enjoy it I tried to stay at home on thing and I just it I I lost myself and so I really wanted to see if I could pull off both and it's definitely been really difficult but I'm trying I'm trying to figure it out every day you've said so many great things here that you've kind of like brushed past and I just wanted like rewind because so you said that you're a stay-at-home mother for a while was that initially your dream yes because I thought that if I devoted all my time and it was the stereotype of when you see people they're like oh I'm a mom and this is what I do and I make meals from scratch and I play crafts all day and I you know it's there there is the Pinterest mom hmm and I it wasn't for me but it is for some of my friends and they enjoy every minute of it and I admire them for that I just I really don't enjoy cooking at all and I tried to do the whole cooking the meals from scratch and being you know that perfect mom but it actually was more damaging to my husband and my children by me trying to be this person that other people looked at me as mm and I realized okay you know what instead of me cooking this meal I'd like to go out and have dinner with my family I don't have to prep I don't have to clean up and it's really quality time that I have with them so that I can give the business the attention that it needs versus trying to that all together there's so much that is ingrained into a woman's mind while they're growing up that you have to follow this model and I think it's really detrimental to girls and I don't want my girls I want them to see mommy works hard every day I get up and I work whether it's to be there for the family or to be there for the business I just want them to admire hard work and to appreciate it and everything that I've given them but also enjoy life mmm yeah because the expectation part of it is really what I'm fixated on because I think that at least for me that's where it all started is realizing that there was an expectation put upon me that actually didn't choose and it I had to recognize that before I was able to break it so how about you growing up what was the expectation yeah you know I grew up my dad was in the army and mom she was studying to be an accountant she was an accountant actually but when dad joined the army and had us all of a sudden mom put everything aside and was raising us but I grew up knowing that she wasn't even though she adored my sister and I she wasn't 100% fulfilled you saw that yeah I saw it I felt it she had a struggle where she didn't find enough meaning and being a mother she felt like it wasn't enough even though Latin culture it's all about kids it's all about having that family raising family and so I think that that really got instilled in me and make sure you don't lose the career because you'll end up being unfulfilled like her did she teach that what you've told your saying I perceived that oh that's pretty power I perceived that that mom was not 100% satisfied being a mom but I didn't take it as a bash against my sister and I cuz she adores us but I just took it as an it's not fulfilling enough just to be a mother that's what I've received for sure is that what led to you in your first marriage saying that you didn't want children yeah I mean granted from the beginning and I to talk about this yes when I was dating I was dating I'm so young and then when we decided to get married the week before the marriage I literally sat in the car and told him I can't do this I can't do this yeah and you know I tried I went to therapy I went to all this thinking it was me that couldn't appreciate a good man because he was a good man so that was a struggle but I knew that I also didn't want for some reason I was like now it's career time career time I just want to do this and then we have plenty of time to have kids so but when we ended up getting divorced and then I found my husband that my now has been I realized right from the very beginning oh you do want kids you just didn't want kids here but we went into our marriage no I'd gotten off the birth control like we went in full like this is it we're having kids and whatever happens happens and then go into pre-cana and all I realized I want to go into this marriage really putting everything up to fate and not trying to control everything so much and not trying to be so focused on career because I was already in the WWE so I was already having a thriving career but I did feel a little bit of a it would be nice to have a little mini-me around and then I seen my husband I'm like man there's just something about him that'd be so great to have a little mini him you know so I was like let's just let's just see what happens oh said nothing's happening so I go in and get tested he goes in gets tested and all of a sudden it was like you guys can have children and the crazy part about this you know I always wonder why this happened the day I found that out I was devastated because I thought I was gonna have full control I thought I was gonna sucide when I want it when I don't want it and if and if I even want it so all of a sudden the controls completely taken away from me and after that we like maybe you know what babe let's go to mission work let's go visit children's hospitals let's get involved with kids in a different way but maybe it's just not in our calling so we never did like in vitro or an thing like that I really wanted to leave it up to fate yeah I really did so just backing up a slight second so when you get to the point where you've just heard that you can't have what does that actually feel like because like you said you thought that you were in control the whole time the whole time and that for somebody you know that you you just control this incredible career and you've like the whole life has been basically what you've chosen and here you are now wanting something that you actually said that you didn't want were there moments of like I should have had it I showed up on it sooner and like how do you process emotionally through that well I don't regret not having any kids with my first husband amazing man amazing man but we were not the right match together so even though that means that you don't have children yeah no I'm really glad that I didn't but I was but but yeah the process of Wow like did I mess this up did I look at my parents cuz even now my mom's in assisted living and I go over there and help her a lot and she goes I just feel bad that you won't have that and that scares me too therefore if you had children maybe you wouldn't be able to be there as frequent for her true you know so I really think that it's special when a woman can acknowledge I don't want to have children because people look at them as if they're selfish but appreciate that if that woman knows that she wants to give everything to her husband or just to herself that that child isn't gonna get what it deserves and I think it's better that way I see so many families where the husband or the mom or the dad are just gone and the quality of life for that child I hurt for them when they're like oh I haven't seen my dad in years or you know I don't know who they are or they're at work from 7:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m. and I don't get to share a relationship with them so I feel like people need to know if I want to be this way it's okay it's okay to be selfish and I think when people I would even say yeah yeah it just sounds bad yeah you say selfish but like all the opportunities that you've able to take ya on I mean so much success and everything that you've accomplished like there are things that I have to say no to because I know that I cannot be there because there's drop-off pick up you know there's certain things that I need to do for my children and I've chosen to go that route like your life is like it could have gone a whole different path if you had children and so I really think that this is like the calling that you had and your truth and it's in the long run you're just helping so many other people who Jean is so weird it's weird that there are times that people will be like wow you're doing this you're doing that oh yeah but where are the kids what about you were your children you know the first thing right they expect that and I'm like yeah I literally would be like later on because of the judgment I absolutely fade the judgment but the selfish thing I didn't see coming I really thought I'd thought through everything all the fears were there like I you know people are gonna think I'm not a real woman and I'm not loving I'm not caring I'm not know doing all of these things I never expected someone to say selfish and the first time someone said oh that's very selfish of you I'm just confused because I was like selfish to him I was like isn't it my life right it's choice it's a choice why and so when is that was selfish that you want to have it for yourself not but I don't have to if I had kids and I was like screw you children I'm gonna go off do this business thing that break your selfish way of course it yeah but just choosing not to I didn't see it coming and so initially I didn't know how to respond I've got actually really upset and I said why are you upset it doesn't make any sense to me so to allow other people's opinions right kind of going back to what I was saying in the intro like we all just worry about other people's opinions of on the decisions we make and now it seems to be flipping where if you're a woman who wants to have kids and stay at home then now people are judging that and so that's really while so like gung-ho about getting you women on this episode and talking about it yeah because we all have different choices that we've made right and I think that it's okay to say yes your choice is different from mine your choice is different from my but I still absolutely admire and respect the choices and there's one thing that I've noticed that I had used to do in the past I can't member who told me to stop doing but I used to like I don't know how you do it being a mother and an entrepreneur and she's like you know what people say that to me but the truth is is that this is the life I chose and so I figure it out just like you Lisa you've had a life that you've chosen and you figure it out if I was a stay-at-home mum I would figure it out so why is it any different she's like people put me on a pedestal for doing both and she's like I think that's detriment to them and it really hit me so now every time I go to say like oh my god you do so much I'm gonna bring it back because it really is just as women we're all trying to do our best mm-hmm but someone are always judging how you said people say why aren't you having children I get people that would say hey where are your children why are you working right now and it doesn't matter we're like what we're out you choose there's always given you're always having haters but then now I realized hey if I have haters I'm doing something I was so approaching this episode from like as women what different choices did we make and then talking about those choices and how it wasn't easy for any of us so why are we always judging each other when we're all struggling to own our decisions and then I came across a quote of yours that really hit me what you don't breastfeed your baby you use formula you must be lazy you don't use clothes diapers you feed your baby food that is not organic what does a stay-at-home mum even do all day so why do women even think like this what might be right for you and your baby may not be what other to others choose to do we all need to stop criticizing and judging other parents and it here meals like well here I am worried about women judging each other for the different choices we make and you had literally said but even when we make the same choices we're still judging each other on the type of mother we're going to be so it's okay yeah you just completely opened her daughter something I've had to talk about well I I thankfully did not have a problem with breastfeeding and I lots of women that struggle with it they can't produce the milk and they're judged when they have to get formula but they physically cannot make milk and yet moms are telling them like I can't believe you're giving your baby formula and they can't produce the milk and it's like you're already in a hard spot you haven't been sleeping near this you're already being judged like I just it didn't matter if I was throwing away a regular diaper people were criticizing why don't you do cloth diapers just help the environment you have a for purpose business do you want to make money matter why don't you do this and this and this and you know what I don't have time for it and I did diapers and I just organic food I have all these you know I was trying to make for my first daughter I was at home my husband was gone speaking so I'd be like okay I'm gonna cut up some butternut squash and I'm gonna do the food processor do it all and look at me I did it like everyone please don't judge me but I was exhausted and it's like for all the moms out there that do have children and you know want to work or work one day just know like it will get easier and you know I just want all the mums just to be easy on themself and you know what if there's laundry my house is a mess right now it's a mess but I'm okay with it and my husband's okay with it because I'm get to be there for my children I am Here I am like doing so many other things so like mom's just have to be easier on themself and you know what if you need to take it nap if you have to can take that nap if you want to go for a run and workout and that gives you joy remember to take care of yourself I think self-care is really hard to do when you're a woman not even a mother because I'm sure you guys will do whatever you can for your husband you know you will when you were saying someone said you're not mothering or nurturing yes you are seeing you with your puppies I've seen you with Tom I've seen you with your businesses that you've created a business as a baby and so I really think that it's just everyone needs to be easier on them so how do you do that cuz I you know me I'm always like give me exactly what you were thinking in that moment so you've got people saying I can't believe you you and a full profit come for you know purpose company and you're just trashing this stuff so you're feeling the guilt it's building up I'm sure that you're like you know what this is holding me back and you decide you know what I'm still gonna use it how do you actually then do it because I'm sure a lot of women right now we're listening and everyone feels feels the guilt and I want to talk about guilt with you as well because my I had to go over a lot of guilt as well feeling the guilt in that moment and saying but I'm still not gonna listen to it and succumb to it I think fully have a great husband and for the women out there that are single or widowed I really think if you have a good friend or a family member to help you see that because it's hard at the moment Vaughn and so thankfully I was able to cry which a good cry always helps yeah and like actually communicate with others and hear their insight because sometimes you don't always see it so it's really nice to be able to talk to him and for him to just be like babe you're incredible mother I like what you are doing is good for you and I just the affirmations that he gave me I'm not a words of affirmation for the five love languages that's not me but at that moment I needed it and so I think that if you can't get through it by yourself talk to somebody and over time you'll be able to get over that all those things too so it's just you need time and communication I think for all things that you're hurting about and it must taken so much strength for you to say that out loud it's embarrassing like when you're sitting there and I'm like oh my gosh like am I not a good mom like I was was I deserving of these children where these all these women are trying to have kids and I you know I got pregnant a lot quicker than I imagined do you know I wanted to have a baby at 35 I was like I need 10 more years to build my career I want this and that and all of a sudden I had my daughter and it was a shock and it was really difficult um let's was that before let's put a pin in that looks I want to talk about the guilt thing for not having kids yeah did you feel any guilt when you first were gonna just follow your career I didn't feel like the instant guilt because I felt like I had time and so I when people would tell me oh what about kids or someone like oh yeah no that's coming it's coming even though I knew in my head at that moment I was like oh no it's not coming like I don't feel like I'm made to be a mom like this is not for me even now if somebody said you know could you not have kids or something I literally would because my path is different yeah I just have a different path everyone has a different journey so stop trying to impose your journey on my journey you know and I think it's important that everyone chooses what's right for them I think that that's the mistake is when we're choosing what's right for society or the society says that's when you get into trouble for me the guilt that I had really was I told my husband when we got married that I wanted kids and so part of it was like well and I knew that he was never one of those guys that was like I definitely want kids but I still had said it so I was like if I trapped him now like I'm starting to feel differently about what I want in life and so does this mean Lisa that you're not a real woman does this mean that you're not gonna be a good wife to him because you can't you're not gonna bear children right all of this guilt and then even my parents all they kept saying to me my entire life and my poor mother loved her to bits but she still says it to me where she's just like the thing that she wanted most in her life was grandchildren now imagine some reason she looks you in the eyes I actually had to tell her because she kept asking and I did the same thing next year mom next year maybe I kept doing it and then eventually one day I was like I have to be honest with her and so I sat her down I looked her dead in the eye and said mom I asked you to stop asking me this question because I've decided not to and she started to cry so the Guild's right the thing of what you always want to be the perfect daughter the perfect wife the perfect there's the perfect that yeah and then in order to like I think for me it was you have to acknowledge how you feel you have to acknowledge that the feeling now once you've accepted it is that you're going to put potentially hurt other people with this decision but then I was like I have to be okay with that yeah I didn't do that yeah I literally was like I have to let my mom know form so I put myself in fact in my mom's shoes and I was like all right as a would you want for your children you want them to be happy right so I just approached it from that and I said mom I know you really want grandchildren but I can't live my life for you I love you and I want you to know that I'm so happy with a life I have and I know that you may have to be through a mourning period because I think that that's important like you just say well you've got to have to get over I think is disrespecting the other part as well right so it's like mom go through the mourning period I'll be here for you but at the end of it this is my decision and from here on out please don't ask me the question because I used to then feel like I had to defend my reasoning and I don't like how that made me feel either well it's funny you said we were talking about guilt because you reminded me before my dad passed away we told him that we were going to adopt and he was so happy he was so happy so my guilt is it's two things or two things that I struggle is right my dad saying oh my god this is great you're gonna adopt and Here I am watching him die and then he died and then I'm like but now we don't want to adopt and but dad was so happy we were adopting and so I did go through that how did you actually go through it we we talked my husband and I talked and then we said you know what let's just do mission work let's do volunteer work let's be with kids in a different way and I said I think Dad would be really good with that and charities we choose Sant Jude's you know anything that has to do with kids and I have been at peace with that yeah it doesn't need to necessarily mean you're gonna mother a baby or it's adopting a baby you're helping people with all the charities like st. Jude you've adopted all those children yeah you know like with pencils of promise the schools that we're building and like those are our children too I don't know their names but like in my heart I know that I'm helping in a different way too oh you and you reminded me too we actually adopted right when we first met 15 years ago my husband and I adopted a kid through world vision oh so he's like in some sim Bob way and so we you know send the money every single month and yeah on a different and we have talked about how we want to go and actually see him and he's now eighteen that's amazing so that's what I mean so I think it can look different and I think that we just need to take the pressure off of what it has to look like I think that people do that so much even with their careers you know they might want to be I gotta be a singer I got to be a singer I won't be fulfilled and then other opportunities come they take them there like yet but it's not exactly what I wanted and so they're not being fulfilled and I think that when we can relax and just be open and that's what I've done my whole life now it's just been open opportunity open to what it is that the world wants to give me and what I'm supposed to be doing and then embrace that and whether it's the dog or whether it's world vision or whether it's my career or whether it's just lying in bed and not doing anything like if that's what you want to make sure even creative it's the choice you make and then knowing like what you were saying that it is bringing fulfillment because what I do is bring him me fulfillment I wouldn't do it if it didn't and the same with you in the same you know I think that's what it comes down to because you were saying right what makes you happy what is that thing that you actually want because it's different for all of us yeah yeah I've actually like just gotten an offer from the professional fighters League MMA so pfl MMA to be their new announcer and I'm looking at my life and I'm like this totally makes sense like yes it's gonna take me on the road again but I can I can I don't have to worry about the kids being at home and this and that and you know figuring it all out and so I said yeah I'm gonna I'm gonna do this and so I'm gonna take this new venture and just dive in and be a female now empowering the world of MMA you know with the females female Mutato it's like the the first female ring announcer from what I understand which is so crazy yeah yeah I mean I got I got that that fulfillment of being like the first female at WWE to announce WrestleMania and now women just headlined WrestleMania this past this past April and that was just tremendous being a part of that going at times that I was the only female at times to be on the entire show you know announcing and hosting the show was the only female and then now there's just segment after segment with females and then main eventing and now going into the MMA world that's fulfilling me it is fulfilling me it's like this is my child this is my child so I'm okay so it's it's great to be able to see and take from the unexpected such wonderment and so I want to go back to something you'd said earlier which was you actually didn't expect to get pregnant so quickly so you've got like the opposite story to Lilian in essence you we wanted it like wait for like ten years you said yeah okay so take me through that because that's another thing I'm sure people are struggling with of like oh my god now my life is changed how do you and I'm saying this coming from a woman who doesn't have children so I do not mean it in any way J right how do you not have resentment for your children for changing your plans hole and I knew that was good traction the moment I found out I was pregnant I dived into the bed and I was crying why and I was like no oh my gosh I have so much more to do and so at that moment I was like what and you know I have you could say resentment sometimes not towards my child but towards being able to be like I have an opportunity here but I can't take it cuz I have to do this and this and this and it was a hard process in the beginning to be like oh I'd love to just pack up and go as my husband to Italy right now when he's like leaving on a flight but I can't and so I guess resentments a harsh word but it was a struggle in the beginning but when I would lie there and I would hold her and she would just look at me and I'm like I'm a superhero like I literally I am feeding this child with my body and I'm keeping them alive yeah that's amazing just like you know I've been blessed with this gift and I did hear how other people did have problems giving you know getting pregnant and so I was like I would always come back to that the moment I see her and her eyes and I'd be like I don't need to go on that trip I'm gonna go later one day so I think that it's just like how you play it off in your head and so it was definitely hard at first because they'd just be at home with throw up on me and boogers and poop under my nails trying to change her so at first was like I could be out having fun you know and it wasn't even partying like I want to go to bars it's just like I had been with my husband and working with him and I all of a sudden it was just stopped and so that was difficult and like I said we wouldn't be where we are now if I wasn't blessed at that time it was the right time it was on my time but that was the right time and I and when you are saying something like how when someone just wants to sit in bed and you know they're not you know having such a great impact on certain things it's like I look at that person that's sitting in that bed and watching Netflix all day getting a phone call from their friend and they're available at that moment and that person's in a really difficult spot may be suicidal may be you know struggling it's me calling on the other end like alright I don't know how to get through this and I get to call that friend that's available and they're impacting me so like everyone's impacting somebody it's on a different level for everybody god I love so there's two things here that I cannot continue to go without recognizing first of all god damn woman thank you for being so honest so here and here's the truth social media we all know people want to throw hay so some people may be hating right now they use move that on this oh I mean it means the Queen use it to anyone that's watching or listening if that annoys you don't subscribe to this channel but I sincerely mean don't mean in a horrible way I actually mean this needs to be a place where women can be free and open and wore to talk about things that they're really struggling here and so if people are going to judge you for it this isn't the show for people to watch and listen to so thank you so much like I literally I've got a sweater on so you can't see but like you just gave me the chills all over girl because you had that war and honest and I only applaud you and hope that more women are able to be honest like that because it wasn't that then you went off and like took it out on your children way it's a violent no this is the real me I struggled with this and I overcame it and I overcame it by doing this and this but to ignore that you actually went through it is doing a disservice not only to you but every single woman that's listening to you right now and I don't think I would be here if I wasn't authentic I'm not gonna be like oh look my social media like everything's perfect because they need to know like it is really hard and it's gonna be okay and I am embracing when people are going to give the negative comments because that was hard to get through the beginning but I realized now my um I met a girl named teddy Mellencamp she told me like sana you've been put on this platform and that's a huge responsibility and but she told me you know I'm having thousands of women hate on me at the moment but I have had this platform now and I'm inspiring hundreds of thousands I right through so I I look at it like the more real I am I will get hate but I've literally been blessed with this opportunities that I never wanted in the first place link let's be real I like doing logistics in the back of thrive and my husband gave me the mic and it just doors keep on opening and I've said no to things because I was so scared but I don't my daughters to ever see that I want them to see that mommy's fearless I tell them every night my husband and I you're extraordinary and you're fearless and you're Hatter and you never give up and so my daughter's know we never give up and like I promised my friend Claire who passed away I'm not getting emotional but um I told her she has no voice and I'm gonna carry on her legacy bye about cystic fibrosis and sharing it on our stage it's like stage at thrive and we've raised over $400,000 for her so the awareness of cystic fibrosis has just skyrocketed and that's because I did take myself out of my comfort zone and I'm putting myself out there and so my daughter's see that and all these other women and men and you know I'm just like enjoying this ride and I'm gonna have negative feedback but like when you asked if I resented it I have to be honest for my girls for Claire for everybody Wow oh I know hey I gotta but it's it's wild because I hear you and it makes me want to cry because I feel less in a way yeah I've had a great career but I feel like damn it could I have been both you know and so it's hard because I wanted to write and then you try to talk yourself out of it that's the thing is like sometimes I go yes no yes no yes no and that's I think that's the struggle is um is trying to talk yourself yeah this is what I want I'm good I'm good and I think it's it's good to also say you're gonna have those days there you go damn it did I pick the right thing it's just a constant my struggle I really have thought through that because I can't predict the future and I've played over in my head the worst-case scenarios and I'm just gonna share them with you guys it is what if in ten years Tom dies yeah now you're all alone I don't have kids yes you old to have children yeah and now I'm alone yeah I've thought that too and so I have to I've had to ask myself will you be okay with that no sir and the answer I came to is now it's gonna be upsetting but I can't make a decision now based out based on fear yeah and so because I said to my husband I might look babe if something happens to me in ten years you can still have children if you decide to write it's not fair and so part of me thought maybe I should preserve my eggs preserve his ban just in case so I had contemplated that for a while and then I read about how much hormone therapy you have to go through my hormones as you know my healthiest are out of whack that the intense hormone thing I was like that's actually not good for my body and again going back to I'm doing all this because I'm so fearful that I may regret it in the future and so to harm my body right now when it's already struggling doesn't make sense and so I've told myself this so many times so that God forbid something does happen to him I'm gonna at least with clarity no it didn't I'm glad I didn't choose that even though look because with you right it's that the emotion of I could have maybe it had both but the reality is you know deep down you shouldn't have had children with your first I know I know I definitely know that I should have had children I think it's the more the adoption thing did I let that fear of a water want that in my life and can I handle both the career and adoption and you know the fear of that and then when I hear her and she's making it work then I go did you under sell yourself thinking that you couldn't make it work I'm making it work but I'm also sacrificing on different levels like spending time with my husband he's like babe I what about me like by the end of the day you're so tired new ten of the kids in ten of the business like what about me over here so like we struggle with that and like we have to do audits on our relationship you know how you do audits on your business we do that with our business and us too so we'll look down and he's like okay we need to make sure we have a date night this day because I need this from you and I'll be like I got you food like I'm there so yeah it's it's I'm you know I like I told you I have like an inch of gray hair and I spray spray in it because I'm not gonna I don't have time for that four hours to go get my hair done and you know my nails look like this for the past month and I'm like please don't zoom in things that like I'm choosing to do and I'm and it's madness always like it like you said like I am struggling like I would love to have those bag things I want to put those there you know and and I haven't slept and I'm cranky and I'm you know snap at my children because I don't have patience because I'm so exhausted or someone's calling and I can't get the phone so like I may look like I have it working but I'm also crying in a closet because one day it's just too much for me and I'm like why do I have all of this on my plate yeah so I think that with you it'd be like you figure it out you always figure like you figure it out but there's some people that really like have to give a hundred percent everything and have to have perfection and if they can't then they will get depressed and then your self-care is like completely gone so it's just when I look at when I hear you say then I appreciate that like you said being so authentic and all when I hear you say that and they I know me and I know how hard I like to work at things and I know how good I like to be at things but I do feel that how do I had the kids on top of that that maybe I would have turned around and resented them or they're like I'm no good at anything and you know so I feel like maybe it wasn't in the cards for me and that was actually one thing that I had asked myself is are you okay with not giving birth sides 100% so if I was what would that actually look like and I was like okay well clearly it's possible right you're sitting here right now and you have an incredible business and you have kids and so I was like okay it's possible there's proof out there and I was like what does it take to do that it takes having to let things go it happened you know like you said there's times that you don't know to do business there are times you're not going to attend your kids thing and you have to be okay with that and I asked myself the true question would you be okay with that and I said no because I know myself just well enough and I would be able to make it work but I know it would be such a struggle for me because I love to go in a hundred percent it's not even like I can't change I like to yeah so when I went in and analyzed what would my day-to-day look like I thought this isn't a life I would want because I want to go in one way another hundred cent cuz people say to me police you can afford nannies and I said I don't want full-time nannies right because I would if I'm gonna have kids I want to be able to be there for them and not have a full-time nothing wrong with a full-time nanny please hear me I don't know oh my god you should absolutely do it if you can if that's what you want but I didn't think I would want it and I've analyzed myself and I said I don't want that and so that was part of my decision-making and knowing that this is who I am yeah and I actually don't want and going back to what you said about your husband as well we had that discussion as well and I said to Tom right now you're my number one and right now I'm your number one if we have kids that will change how do you feel about that and he said I don't want that and I looked at him and I said I don't want that either but we had to have that discussion because it may you know sound I think people are now talking about it more and more but back in the day people and love what do you mean like a husband should be number two number three if he wants to be but it feels right at least have the discussion with him so he's not blindsided because nature makes sure that the mother puts her kids first yes why you have to have this children survive right like you said you literally had that kid going oh my god I'm responsible for this human being being alive that's tremendous Wow that is tremendous no pressure but I like when you bring up the nannies because there's nothing wrong with a nanny and I feel like sometimes people are put on this like spot where you know like I can't have a nanny but they would like to do both you know and so I look at it like a maid or a chef and I have never wanted one because my mom cooked everything from scratch she clean the whole house and she took care of us and she worked two jobs and so she sees me now and I've had to outsource things so that I can do what really makes me happy and so you know my mom will come home and she sees like um someone washing my dishes she's like wait why are you not washing your own dishes and-and-and and why didn't you make a meal from scratch for your husband okay and and so it's the that's what you're supposed to do not sure you know but I to be able to sit down and do tutoring homework with my daughter and know that I'm helping her with that and you know I do have my kids they'll go with Grandma and Grandpa for the day so I can get work done like I want to emphasize that there's no balance whatsoever like everyone's like where's work life about like there is none yeah yeah so I think that if you have your day make sure you do what makes you happy yeah and triple down on your strengths like my strength is not cooking I have my trainer cook some meals for me and my husband you say your strength is not good we can see yeah I like that that's perfect it really is like what I choose to say like this is like gonna make me sadder but like I told my husband that something on me I looked like I was bad I didn't like the way that it looked I looked like my legs were really big okay I didn't realize my daughter was in the room and she's six and so when I was walking out to go change she's looking in the mirror and daddy's right there and she's like do I have oh and I'm like holy cow at every moment I'm impacting these girls you know and like I'm swearing or my husband is and my three-year-old says a bad word you know like they're just sponges and so it's like a huge responsibility at all times and I do get so stressed out because I'm like I'm being myself but then I also don't want to be a bad example so like at all times I feel like I need to be on point what and that's a lot because even when I do an autograph signing or something you're on you know you're just on this that that and you talk to people and all and then when you come off of that sometimes you like oh my god I'm so tired like you've been on so I can't imagine you're on 24/7 because you just said it you're impacting them so you're on it's like you're on stage and everything you say and you're got the cameras on you because they can hear something hey babe time for me and I'm like I mean just in what we're talking about guys like there's so much we can talk about but literally the takeaways it hasn't been easy for any of us know whether you're having children you're not having children you can't have children like it's just so difficult and I love the fact that you guys have come and have been so honest and transparent it has been so impactful on me and I'm sure everybody watching and listening so thank you guys thank you much for that but like I already know your guys a superpower because I've just been listening to Everett please let me know they start with you Sonya what's your superpower honey making a human thank you bow I don't know if anyone could be that right yeah seriously all right yeah and just trying to do what I need to to make them realize that they're extraordinary and fearless and to never give up that's that's a superpower that's gonna take me eternity to learn but I'm just hoping that I'll be able to show them that Mama's mama is a superhuman you know it's beautiful and where can people find you and thrive and all the amazing things you're doing what a thrive is our website's WWI don't say that and Lisa will be speaking there I'm so excited about that and then just Sonya had her on Instagram very cool huh super proud you know I've never thought about that and I guess it's just the word that I had chosen for this year my worry of the impact of what I and that's to be open and again it's to be open to whatever the calling is if it's um you know the career is it not to have children is it not to adopt you know just be open and don't try to figure it all out and so just by being open its unfolding itself in this beautiful packages and that's been I feel very empowering for me now so we'll see just what this new journeys gonna bring and welcome people want you to follow this journey yeah um at Lilian Garcia so I spell Lilian with one elemental because it's Spanish name so at Lilian Garcia on Instagram and Twitter meleager's the official fanpage on Facebook yeah alright guys oh my god I've been so impacted by this episode these women are so phenomenal really really truly in fact that they were willing to come on and be so vulnerable I hope impacted you guys as much as it did me and I really hope it left you guys open as well to knowledge and decisions that other women make in in our lives and around us so please please please guys do go follow these these women they are absolutely incredible and if you're not following me follow me at the Lisa bill you and if you're not subscribed click that little subscribe button down there and until next time guys go be the hero of your own life what up guys Lisa here thanks so much for watching this episode and if you haven't already subscribed that little bone right in front of you click click click away we release episodes every Wednesday so be sure to get notified until next time go be the hero of your own life

Channel: Lisa Bilyeu

Views: 103,103

Keywords: women of impact, woman of impact, lisa bilyeu, tom bilyeu, impact theory, quest nutrition, motivation, inspiration, lilian garcia, wwe, sanja hatter, thrive, motherhood, having kids, mothers day, children, mom, mother, interview, panel, feminism, feminist, female empowerment, women supporting women, having kids vs not

Id: -6oDOfAwSNw

Length: 51min 57sec (3117 seconds)

Published: Wed May 08 2019