♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -Hi, Mom.
You holding down the fort? -Hi, honey.
You don't have to visit me. Go slow dance with someone. -Nah, I'm good. Figured I'd chat you up
for a minute. Thanks for stepping up in
the 11th hour and covering coat check.
-No problem, sweetie. Just pretend I'm not here
and have fun with your friends. -Hey, knucklehead,
you are my friend. [ Laughter ] So we still on for Tae Bo
in the morning? -Sure. Oh, look,
Kelly and Melissa are here. Why don't you go say hi?
-Okay, Mom, miss me! -So then he said
that he never even liked her in the first place. -What's up, guys? I was just hanging out
with my mom. She's so jive. She kills me. -Why would you hang out
with your mom? -Well,
how much time do you have? She's a laugher,
her advice is consistent, she's not always "on." I mean, look at her,
she's a rock star. ♪♪ -Oh, okay. -Hey, there's a party
at Darren's after. We're gonna share menthols
and make out. -Sounds good if it wasn't
cold and flu season. -So you're not gonna come? -Nah, Darren runs with
a pretty fast crowd. I'm not there yet, you guys. Anyway, have fun. Be careful. Swing by the coat check if you
wanna say hi. -Okay, bye. -Hey, skinny. -Hi, sweetheart, why aren't
you with your friends? -Sweet girls. Kind of surfacey. Hey, smile! There it is. -Honey, if you wanna go hang out
with your friends, you should. It could be fun
and...developmentally healthy. -It's an option. We'll see. ♪♪ So grandpa's starting to go,
huh? -Oh, honey, this is not a
great time to talk about that. -Hey, I've said it before -- Lean on me. -Bedelia, Bedelia, why don't you
go talk to those boys? I saw one of them
looking at you. -Okay, I'll see you when
I come back. -Yeah, I felt her boobs! -You mean you cupped her tats? I told you to mack on that! -I'm gonna be up front
with you guys. I don't know what
any of that meant, but it does sound relaxing. Quick thought -- It might be
pretty cool if we all grabbed one piece of trash
on our way out, take the load off Janitor Dewey. It should give him more time
to pick out bad toupees. [ Chuckles ] Just kidding. His toupee
definitely adds to his look. -Yeah, we're not picking up
trash. -Sweet. Hey, if you guys haven't
got any face-time with my mom, she's that vision in the corner. Swing by. Say hi. She's real down-to-earth. Remembers names. -Uh, no. -Cool, see ya. Uh-oh, where'd those pores go?
-Honey -- -Seriously, Mom,
your skin's amazing. -Honey, Honey, you can't just
spend the dance talking to me. -Why not? I mean, doy,
you're like my favorite person. -Nothing makes me happier, but
I think we need to have a talk. -About what?
-About you and I. I mean, look,
I'm not sure how to say this, but I think we need a break. -Mom, I'm kind of freaking out
right now. What are you trying to say?
-Look, it's not you, it's me. It's both of us. I think we need to see
other people or you'll become that woman
who wears Harry potter jewelry and lets birds live cage-less
in her home. -Did you decide
to do this in public so I wouldn't make a scene?
-Yes. Look, we can still be friends,
but as for tonight, I want you to march over
to that boy over there and act like a teenager and be
embarrassed that I'm still here. -Okay. Hi. That's a smart coat. -Duh, it's my dad's. He's pretty much the coolest guy
in the world. -Same with my mom.
-Yeah, people think it's weird, but our parents are our only... -Link to the past and treasure
trove of stories from the late '70s. -Oh, my God! ♪♪ ♪♪ -So what were some of your dad's
early jobs like? -How much time do you have?
He was at Boeing during the... [ Cheers and applause ] [ Film projector clicking ] [ Birds chirping ] [ Indistinct conversations ] -Hey, Dad. -Belinda, what are you doing
over here? -Mom's putzing around in the
kitchen. She wanted some elbow room, so I figured I'd take a shift
on the grill. -Honey, it's your birthday.
I'll handle the grilling. -Cool, I'll be your wingman. Nothing I'd rather do than flip
some dogs with my homey. -Bedelia, these kids are all
here for your birthday party. Go have fun.
-Hey, goofball. I am having fun! -No, I mean like normal teenager
fun. Look, your buddies are over
there. Go and say, "hi." -Okay, Roger that. Hi, guys.
-So he just said that he got his permit, so we're still
together. -Dudes, I was just on grill duty
with my dad. He's so solid.
He's like all cojones. -Why would you want to hang out
with your dad? -Alright, let's go there. He knows his way around
the wood shop, he calls me out on my B.S., he recommends great restaurants. I mean, look at him.
The guy's epic. -Ow! -You know the book, "1776"? He's read it. Anyway, don't be shy. Swing by and razz him about
his man-apron. He'll love that. -Hey, tough guy.
-Hi, sweetie. -Dad... Psych! We're good. Hey, you wanna go listen to
some Santana B-sides on vinyl? -Bedelia, your friends
are getting ready to get into the pool. Don't you think that they
want you to join them? -For sure. Hey, show me
where I got that dimple. -[ Chuckles ]
-Yeah, you did. [ Laughter ] Heard Mom doesn't want anymore
kids. You gettin' snipped?
-Bedelia! -That's gotta chap your ass,
huh, Dad? -Honey, look,
you know your mother and I love spending time with you -- -Yeah, you should.
We have great chemistry. -We do. But you need to spend
time -- more time with people in your own peer group. And this birthday party is
a great opportunity to do that. Now, march over to those
goofy-looking boys over there and go and talk to them. -Okay. Later, gator. -You can't cup a fart
in a plastic cup. -I'm telling you, I did it! -Hey, guys.
Enjoying my dad's lawn? He puts the hours in.
-Hey, Bedelia. -How old did you turn, anyway?
-Me? I'm 14. My dad? He's timeless. You guys check out his hairline? It's not going anywhere. [ Laughter ] He keeps it fit, too. He's on a regimen, kind of
a modified South Beach. He's already trimmed off
a few LBs, and I can only imagine it's
carried over into the bedroom. -Ew! Are you talking about
your parents having sex? -Hey, our parents don't have
sex, we're not here. Am I right?
-Yeah, but still... -Come on, guys.
Let's be mature about this. The flame of passion isn't just
a lighter you click on and off. It's a delicate fire that
has to be fed and fanned. [ Laughter ] Bye! What's up, Dos Equis? -Honey...
-Seriously, Dad. You are the most interesting man
in the world. Own it. Have I ever told you I think
I got your legs? -Bedelia.
-What's up? -Alright, listen to me. Sweetie, you are
a very interesting and unique young woman. I'd go so far as to say that you
are incredibly cool. -Apple, tree, Dad. -No. Stop. Look. What you need to do is spend
time with people your own age. Teenagers don't hang out with
their parents. Do you want to know why?
Because parents are dorks. -What are you trying to say? -Honey, look at me. Look at my shorts. -Yeah.
They're classic JCPenney shorts. -Yeah, I'm wearing
sandals with socks. -It's poison ivy season.
You're being sensible -- -You're missing the point.
You're missing the point. I want you to start having fun,
making mistakes, and being an idiot,
and not with me. Do you understand? -I think so.
Loud and clear, chief. -Sorry to interrupt. I wonder
if I could use your phone? Feels like a pretty sweet
opportunity to check in with my parents,
let 'em know I'm okay. -Wow. That's super thoughtful. -I figured it takes me two
seconds to make the call, and saves them a world of worry.
-A world of worry! Wow. -Courtesy's contagious, huh? Hey, Dad, mind if I go show him
where the phone is? -Nothing would make me happier. -Let's do this. Hey,
if you play your cards right, I'll give you a quick glimpse
of my parents' wedding album. -Score! [ Laughter, cheers,
and applause ] [ Insects chirping ] -Hi, Bedelia. Do you want
to play Truth or Dare? We're gonna dare Danielle to put a picture of her boobs
on Facebook. -Uh, no, thanks. My mom
should be here any second. -You're going home already? -No, she's coming over to chill. I figured this sleepover could
use a strong female role model. -Um, okay. -Bedelia? Is everything okay?
-Hey, mom. -Sweetie, it's 1:00
in the morning. Why did you have me
come back here? -Let's just say in
a reverse Elvis, I was looking for
a little less action and a little more conversation. So, what's shaking, bacon? -Honey, I've got to go.
I feel weird here. -No, Mom, come on.
Let's hang out. -Bedelia, this is a sleepover. It's a big bonding time
for you kids. Isn't your best friend here? -Yeah, dumbass,
I'm looking at her. [ Laughter ] Hey, turn to the side. And she's gone! Seriously,
Mom, gain some weight. -That's very sweet. Hey, look, those kids look like
they're having a good time. Why don't you go say hi? -No way. Stacy's little brother
is over there. I don't want him putting
the moves on me. -Yeah, I -- I wouldn't worry
about Tristan. He's very gentle.
Just go talk to them. -Okay, cutie. Miss me. -Hey, guys.
You buzzing about my mom? -Um, no.
-Why did you invite your mom? -Wow! Where to begin? She drinks white tea.
She's met Dan Rather. She knows exactly
how to clean silk. Should I keep going? -Uh, no, we're good. -You guys ever heard of France? She's got a coffee-table book
about it. -We don't want to talk about
your mom, Bedelia. We're playing truth or dare. -Okay. I dare you to find
a woman who strikes a better balance
between work and family. -Are you talking about your mom
again? -You get it. She gets it.
Bye. Ouch! Turn your hair down.
-What? -Seriously, Mom.
It's got mad volume. -[ Sighs ] -So, are you dreading menopause? -Bedelia, no,
we are not talking about that. -Okay.
Hey, flash me those caps. -Honey, I don't --
-Come on. Whoop, there it is. Know thyself, Mom.
You're a MILF. -Excuse me?
-Mother I'd like to friend. -Oof. Look, a couple of boys from
your class just sneaked into
the basement window. -Wow, so much for the
effectiveness of that Slomin's Shield sign
out front. -Just go say hi.
-Okay. Bye, sexy. -Never have I ever made out
with Trisha Fagan. -Oh.
-Oh. -You did, too?
-I'm so horny! -This Pepsi is the bomb! -Hey, guys. Better keep it PG. My mom's got her binocs on us.
-You brought your mom to this? -Oh, yeah. She's the best. She reuses Ziplock bags. She dry-shaves.
I'm like, "sign me up." -Stop talking about your mom.
We don't care. -Okay. Well, if you change
your mind, Mom's over there. She took a class on web design.
Come ask her about it. -Yeah, we're not coming over. -Your loss. Bye. Whoa, someone's face
doesn't need a dictionary. -What?
-Seriously, Mom, your cheekbones are defined. -All right, Bedelia, I think we
need to spend more time apart. -W-Wait. What are you saying? -I love you,
but you shouldn't want to hang out with me this much. -What are you talking about?
You're so cool! -I'm not cool.
I bought this coat at Sears. -It's a great fit
at a sensible price. -Honey, I take calcium pills. -Yeah, and your kick-ass
bone density reflects that, Mom. -Bedelia, I am going home. -If you leave, I have nobody. -[ Sighs ]
That's not true, sweetheart. If you just let these kids
get to know you, they're gonna see what I see --
a beautiful person. -Hey, guys.
-Hi. -Can I get a ride with you? I just wanna go home and play
Yahtzee with my mom. -Oh, yeah? -Yeah. She's one in a million. She's kinda one of those ladies
who's got the... -Legs of Cheryl Tiegs and the
easy charm of Craig Ferguson. -Mine, too! Hey, Mom, can I go upstairs
and close-mouth kiss this guy? -Yes, please.
Nothing would make me happier. -Yes! Hey, does your mom buy
jazz CDs at Starbucks? -Duh! -You guys hiding beer down here?
I know you are. I need one.
