[suspenseful music theme] [suspenseful music theme ramps up] [sounds of yoinking] [suspenseful music theme continues] I love this game. “Thief” is a first-person stealth adventure. It’s one of those defining titles for the immersive sim genre, though I’ve never cared for the name that much. Especially since, unlike a lot of other immersive sim games, our protagonist can’t exactly become a combat god. But, before doing all that, there are some things that can be fixed up. The good news is, on Steam, the game will run, but, ehh… GUARD: “I’m going to the Bear Pits tomorrow.” It may be running too fast, and we can do better. Okay, so, “Thief” uses the Dark Engine. It was made for “Thief”, and all of three games used it, including “Thief 2”. So, not the best odds for having long-term support. But the GOG version is significantly better. It runs correctly, has widescreen, more options. How did that work out? Well, they used the NewDark Engine. They didn’t make that – it comes from someone only known as… The Raven. (Caw!) It added compatibility, removed tons of bugs – there is no reason not to use it. But we’re not done, because… what’s TFix? That would be Thief Fix, which also gives the latest NewDark version. It fixes more things, and adds new visuals and enhancements. Some of the visual changes are SIGNIFICANT. There are some “Thief 2” assets that I think look very out of place in “1”, but an option like interactive candles is a huge change to how you play some levels. So you could install that and uncheck near everything, or just install TFix Lite, which is all the fixes. That’s what I’d recommend for your first time through. You could also want that Creative Tech sound, but you don’t have a sound card. It’s not your fault – who does anymore? As we all know, Fatal1ty was the only one making them. All alone in his garage. There is no room for them now that he makes trail mix or some shit now. So you could use a solution like Creative Alchemy or browse around to find what would work for you. I’ll pin links to all this stuff, no worries. It’s pretty quick and hassle-free to do all this, and you’ll enjoy your time with the game that much more. Just listen to that ambience. [that ambience] Look, I’m saving the really good examples for later. For now, let’s start the game with the most late-90’s intro imaginable. [rad music theme] [rad music theme softens] [rad music theme ramps way up] This intro is amazing. I’m a fan of having music you wouldn’t expect for your setting, but accompanying it with a creative, music video stylized intro – that just raises the bar so high. You should expect unconventional. I mean, the game comes in a trapezoid for Christ’s sake… Ironically, you’ll get a lot more out of the intro once you’ve beaten the game, so let’s skip ahead to where things are less abstract. The story follows a property reassigner named Garrett. He started life as an urchin, pickpocketing on the streets to survive, until one day his talents were noticed, and he was brought into a mysterious organization known as The Keepers. The Keepers trained Garrett further in honing his stealth and other skills, but he eventually left to pursue his own life of thievery, and the game follows just that – playing Garrett’s various crime jobs, until things get weird… I’ll talk more about the story and writing later, but for now, that’s all you need to know. Garrett’s a fun character, and you really are along for a ride with him. GARRETT: “I wonder if he reads them, or if it’s just for show…?” HALLIGAN: “They’re probably just for show – meant to impress the ladies.” Let’s start with the visuals. “Thief” takes place in a gothic medieval setting, with a few twists here and there. You travel from cathedrals to mansions to graveyards to tombs. Then again, a tomb is just a country club version of a graveyard for rich people. But anyway – it’s a dark and creepy world (and in the game). Despite being an early 3D game, it has some fantastic art direction. I find a lot of it striking even today. Of course, it is a game from 98, so not everything could be a winner. Especially character models, but what can you expect? What’s really cool and essential to gameplay is the lighting. Sticking to the darkness is key for survival, so the game has dramatic shadows to compliment this. It’s straightforward – though, if you’re still unsure, your light gem will show how exposed you are. This is what the game considers absolute darkness, so you could just assume that Garrett has really good night vision. Of course, as a treasure hunter, you might wanna leave some lights on, if you can. Leaving on a torch or a fireplace can help find trinkets in a room, and flipping on electric lights could help you find your bearings in a confusing layout. Oh yeah, I didn’t mention that – it’s also a steampunk setting. Well, kind of… Once again, that’s more of a broad term. It’s more of a medieval setting that happens to have some electronics. There’s no top hats and gunpowder, or everything relying on clockwork. Instead, you’ll break into a prison where everyone is dressed like a crusader and speaking King James Bible. GUARD: “To me they’re lost when they come of age and know naught how to accomplish ought of consequence.” Then it’s full of industrial machinery. And security cameras. [security alarm] So, for me, the term “steampunk” undersells how unique the world is. Their technology doesn’t look to be fantastical. If anything, it looks to be unreliable. [electric crackling] “Thief 2” is a different story, but that’s for another day. So, style-wise, it’s a unique-looking game, and the lighting effects especially elevate the atmosphere. Still, even above that, when I think of “Thief”, I think of sound. There are first-person games today that don’t propagate sound as well as “Thief” does. You can hear how far guards are, gauge how loud your footsteps are being. If you lean against a door, you can eavesdrop and even make a guess on how big the room is based on the echo. Even with the sound quality being so compressed, the effect makes it work masterfully. Besides how light and shadows are cast, you’re keeping an eye on the floor surfaces, too. A fancy carpet is almost silent to walk on, whereas something like ceramic tile or metal will be loud and echo. So you need to avoid the loud surfaces OR use your tools to make them quieter. It makes you really pay attention to the sound, in a way that a lot of stealth games still don’t. The ambient soundscape is great too, so there is a lot of enjoyable listening. [ambient humming and drumming]
[quiet whistling gives away the guard's position] [ambient humming and drumming] [ambient humming and drumming]
[sounds of a conversation allow to keep note of people, without having to look at them] [ambient humming and drumming] [weird, resonant wail] [low growling] [security alarm becomes muffled or blaring, depending on where you are, respective of the source] [monstrous wheezing] Okay, “enjoyable” might have been the wrong word, but it’s good. There is a tension to playing “Thief”, and the sound immerses you in it. HAMMER-HAUNTS: “Join us, join us, join us now!” UGHH! This is one of those games that ties the music with each level’s ambient sound effects. The tracks you do hear most of the time are suspenseful – a constant reminder that you don’t want to be caught. Some border on being white noise, and others sound like something John Carpenter might have made. You seem to only get these snippets of music while actually playing the game, but what’s there is mainly great. Except for the Thieves’ Guild… [overly compressed tune] Jesus Christ, it’s so compressed! It’s like I’m hearing the “Matrix” through a wrist watch game! So that sucks, but the highlight of the music is in the cutscenes. You get one before every mission, and they’re great. They build intrigue, or hype you up for the mission (usually, both), and they’re accompanied by these smoky, sometimes surreal images. Even the most simplistic, straightforward missions have so much added onto them. GARRETT: “Farkus is one of the few merchants willing to risk selling to an independent like me, and his prices are steep,” GARRETT: “but the other choice is to let one of the so-called “city wardens” give me orders and take a cut of my profits.” GARRETT: “They’ve been after me for years, to join one of their stables, but I’m not interested.” GARRETT: “Either they’ll get the idea and give up – more likely, they’ll just ramp up the threats.” GARRETT: “I was contacted by a woman named Viktoria.” GARRETT: “She claims to represent a client who was impressed by the way I took care of Ramirez, and now wants me to steal something for him.” CLIENT: “I need an artist, like yourself.” GARRETT: “What exactly is this?” CLIENT: “Item. It is the gemstone called The Eye.” It’s remarkably stylish, and really elevated by the voice acting. It’s well directed, and draws you in, which is pretty funny, when you compare it to the NPCs in the actual game. There is some prime cut ham. ARCHER: “You’ll be full of holes soo-!! Ughh… I think a baby bird pecked me…” GUARD 1: “But I was thinking we should watch the outside?” GUARD 2: “That’s stupid! People to worry about, they’re on the inside!” GUARD 1: “No, that you catch them before they get inside, you taffer!” BIG SMOKE: “OHHH!!” There’s so much character. So, with that, let’s get into the gameplay, starting with the difficulty. The settings in “Thief” work very differently than most games. Typically, it would be something like “enemies hit harder and more accurately” (sometimes, VERY accurately). Or they become bullet sponges that dish out more damage with no AI changes. That’s all standard by now, but “Thief” does none of that. Enemies’ stats and AI aren’t tweaked at all. Instead, tweaking the difficulty will add more objectives. These are customized for every level. It could be something as simple as “you have to steal more treasure”, or you could need to go into a dangerous area that you wouldn’t otherwise, to complete a task. The levels themselves can change, with new areas opening up to complete your missions. Easier enemy types can be replaced by stronger ones, and, frequently, you get the challenge of not killing anybody (though, knocking them unconscious is A-okay). But it’s not entirely clear how long they’ll stay alive. Because your most common method will be bludgeoning them over the head with a blackjack. They don’t have CAT scans to find brain injury. Instead, they have “drill a hole into your skull to let out the evil spirits”. But, considering healthcare cost here in America, over the long run, it could be an improvement. So this does add replayability, but a lot of the tension does come from not knowing the map layout. Your maps can be old and incomplete and only vaguely show where you are. So you’ll be more confident on a replay. I’d strongly advise playing the maps on Hard, even if you’re new, because I do think you miss out on a lot on Normal. Don’t be afraid to go right into Expert either – just make sure to scour each room carefully. You never need all the treasure on the map on Expert, but you’ll need a lot. Even replaying it all now, there was still a time I had to hunt around for the last piece I needed. Oh, thank God! Speaking of treasure, you do get to cash out – it’s not just for show. Before each mission, there will be some items you can buy, and more unlock as the game progresses. What’s important here is that money does NOT carry over between missions. So, whatever you grab in one heist, is only good for the next. Anything you don’t spend is wasted, so you do wanna try and zero it out. I know some people don’t like this, but I’ve always found it to be a blessing. I’m the kind of guy who holds a health potion in a game until the end of time. So, in “Thief”, I have an incentive to use all my tools, rather than wait for a rainy day that never comes. And there are all kinds of tools at your disposal. The blackjack mentioned before is good for non-lethal takedowns, but only if they’re caught unaware. If you come from the front, it’s not a Vulcan nerve pinch anymore – you’re just beating them to death with a blackjack. So you do have some proper lethal options at your disposal. You have basic broadhead arrows for striking from range, which are later complimented by fiery arrows for breaking the Geneva Convention at a distance, and then you have a trusty sword for killing up close. It’s a simple system of knowing when to time your hits and parrying. What’s kind of funny is that even years after this, there was still highly acclaimed melee-focused games that wouldn’t let you parry on command. But here in “Thief”, you can have a proper duel. So really, why bother sneaking? The guards don’t seem too ba- Jesus Christ, there are so many guards! And these enemies get FAST! There’s no way I can keep up! So, there is a lesson to be learned here. And you ARE warned in training. Garrett’s a thief. Garrett is not a master sword-fighter. The melee on your end has a stiffness to it. Your swings might keep up with some early enemies, but they’ll pale in comparison to even mid-game ones. Because you can win these fights, but the racket might attract more enemies, and it’s just not as efficient as being sneaky. Your enemies are dangerous. There are lots of great immersive sim games that let you do all kinds of combat. The problems start to creep in when stealth becomes an option. Because, whatever your obstacles are, you still have to account for the combat players. Let me pick on this one for a second. I like “Dishonored” a lot, and I have heard the second game is better about this issue, but I haven’t played it yet. You CAN be a sneaky boy in “Dishonored”, but it’s still an option. Even on the hardest difficulty, if something goes wrong, you have all kinds of magic and powers and weapons to get out of it. On top of that, if you kill too many people, you get the bad ending. So, you’re hiding to protect the enemies from you, instead of hiding from them, because they’re a threat. “Thief” won’t let you blast wind magic or summon swarms of rats, and “Dishonored’s” combat will always be better. But it will remain the tenser game because of its limited combat options. This kind of thing goes for a lot of modern stealth games. I’m sure some of you remember when “Assassin’s Creed” was at least pretending to try… Most of “Thief’s” tools and weapons are all about affecting the environment – the constant enemy. You have water arrows to snuff out torches and make it darker, moss arrows spread out a quiet, carpeted surface on a loud floor, or you could use a noise maker arrow to distract from the sounds you are making, and rope arrows can help you avoid problem areas entirely, or open up a new angle of getting somewhere. It doesn’t hold your hand, but it’s not overly complicated either. You have some options for getting around, and some tools at your disposal, but it’s all themed around stealth. Because you could knock out a guard to take their key, but now you have to deal with hiding a body. Plus, if you do screw up the takedown, they’re gonna run off and get help. So, instead, you can remain sneaky and do some pickpocketing work to get the key. If you do have to fight, why do it fairly? Give them the Korean DMZ special and litter some landmines around. It really is just that easy. As much as I do like a straightforward fight, I do like games that let you be unconventional. “Thief’s” method of dropping you down in a big map with multiple objectives and limited tools is awesome, and I always get excited to see more games like that. When I first played “Ground Zeroes”, I thought the “Phantom Pain” would be that on a large scale. It didn’t seem too crazy to me back then, but I was also one of those weirdos who would put far too much time into it. That turned out not to be the case. So now I wanna go over “Thief’s” levels and pacing. It’s a rollercoaster. After completing your training, your first real mission is to break into a manor. This mission is still training you how to navigate “Thief”. Even breaking in, there are all kinds of caches and side passages to explore. Sneak quietly, steal quickly, don’t get caught. [screams of having got caught] There aren’t many surprises here, and it makes for an excellent introduction. You can pick up tidbits of lore here and there, and learn more about how the world works. GUARD 1: “They just don’t make bears like they used to…” GUARD 2: “Ehem… Whoa!” When that’s all done with, the second mission is when things get more elaborate. It’s a prison break-in, and the map is significantly more complex. The entire thing is built over a mine where the undead are roaming free. True to their name, the undead aren’t staying down when you kill them. It’s very much a “0-to-60” experience. You’re introduced to the supernatural, more dangerous enemies, louder floors, cameras, alarms. It’s a big step, but still a break-in mission. It’s expansive, but it gives you a better idea of what to expect for the length of the missions. It’s really the next one where opinions start to get divided. The Bonehoard is even more of a maze, but you don’t have to hide from guards this time. I’m guessing, they wouldn’t be able to find their way around. Instead, you fight traps, puking lizards and hordes and hordes of undead. You can still sneak around them, but stealth isn’t seem to be the focus here. Instead of a sleuthey B&E, this is a tomb raid. Understandably, a lot of players hated this shift. Getting caught doesn’t matter as much anymore? There are no humans to spare, so everything is free to be killed? Based on the expectations set by the missions before, there’s some fair critique out there. My take is that this tomb raid is fucking sick. This is one of my favorite video game dungeons. Sure, you could go full paladin, and start smiting the undead like they’re on sale, but you don’t have to! You can use your agility to dodge past the enemies, use rope arrows, lead them into traps. I’ve always found it odd to see people describe it as a combat-centric level, when it’s really not, and that’s a choice. I mean, they’re zombies! They’re dumb, they’re slow. If you don’t wanna deal with the mold-brains, just walk around them. The brap lizards aren’t exactly scientists either. I’ve always seen the Bonehoard as a movement and navigation test. Nearly all the major treasures are about avoiding traps, mastering your jumping and climbing, or both at the same time. It’s a good case of “wax on, wax off” for some later levels, though it is abrupt for Mission 3. It is a sprawling tomb, and even the prison had a clearer layout, once you get inside of it. Starting to get the hang of guards, and then being thrown into this, definitely offset some people. But I’ve always found it fun, even if it wasn’t what I was expecting. That said, the golden bone treasure that got added in could have been integrated a lot better. But I’ll talk about “Thief Gold” in a moment. Typically, most people who hate the Bonehoard are really happy with the next mission. This one has you tailing some guards through the city, and if you’ve played some other stealth games, you might think it’s a time-waster. But no, you break into an even more elaborate manor than the first mission. There are tons of options and secret passages for getting around. Then you have to escape back out of the city. So, following the guards there meant you were learning the layout, and it wasn’t for no reason. It is… so good. In the base game, my favorite mission is right after this. But the game I and most people will be playing is “Thief Gold”. It changes some things around in some existing levels, but, most importantly, it adds three more. So, instead of an awesome level, which I won’t be talking about until spoilers, we get the Thieves’ Guild. So, how does that go? Well, the map starts promising with a restaurant, that then… goes into a sewer and… Oh, God… How big is this map? Oh, Jesus Christ! ♪ Jason DeRulo ♪ The Theves’ Guild is huge, and it’s a maze. It starts promising, with a restaurant and a hidden underground casino, but then it becomes a sewer. And mostly stays a sewer. When you’re not walking through actual shit, the basements aren’t very detailed, and just ugly. The thing is, there are still cool parts about the Thieves’ Guild. When you are out of the sewers, you have two unique houses to break into. As the title says, it’s against a new faction – a gang of thieves. They know who Garrett is, and, if they see you there, they cry out and can’t believe you’re actually doing what you’re doing. It adds context into who Garrett is, and has some good ideas, but… there’s… Ugh, okay, where do I start? Okay, I’ll be generous. I don’t think that the Thieves’ Guild should be wiped off the face of the Earth. The first issue is the pacing of where it is in the game. The Bonehoard was a curveball, but this is a much worse one, for different reasons. The mission before it – Assassins – is a great heist map. It’s very open, and there are a lot of options for entering the building. Even the Bonehoard was in a tomb, but it didn’t feel too restricting. Compare that to the thieves’ gutter, which is very much so. You need to do pump Sudoku to open doors and other back-and-forth garbage. So much looks the same. I could eyeball some landmarks before, but this was the first time I really had to use my compass and map in tandem. And if you do that, the sewer navigation is more tolerable, but still annoying. So, if the map is such a convoluted maze, why not move it farther into the game? Because you can’t, for story reasons. This is the last of the roughly standalone missions, before the story kicks off. In the base game, you later had to find four special objects, and two of them were on two maps. Gold edition added two more maps, so each object would have its own unique mission. It didn’t break the narrative – it just added some more into it. The new Mage Towers mission has you conquer some elementally-themed obstacle courses. Where the other levels try to have grounded backstories, this one seems the most like a video game. I got the distinct feeling that the Dark Engine couldn’t really comprehend moving platforms, which makes me question some later decisions even more, but The Many aren’t in this game yet. VOICE: “Do not let fear control your path, Garrett.” Or maybe they are. The final mission they added has crab people. And an opera theater. That’s the best of the Gold maps, so I won’t say more on it. These later two maps are big, but they fit in with the overall pace. The Thieves’ Guild HAS to be Mission 5. So, how could it be fixed up? Well, if the sewer was an option, and there was a heavily guarded overworld, that might make it more appealing. But the map is already so dense, that maybe they were at their limit. The sewer areas could have been more distinct, and there are a few that stand out. A criminal underground city could be cool, if it was more distinct. Finally, some of the back-and-forthing could be cut down, because it’s unnecessary. I’ve been in the shit far too long as is. If I remember right, in Civvie’s Petty Thief series, he said for the Thieves’ Guild to be destroyed completely. I can understand that – especially coming from a man who is just plagued by sewers – but if you’re new to “Thief”, you can save at the beginning, and then just use the cheat code to skip the level. Try it again after you beat the game, because you might find more to it after playing some of those later missions. The first time through, I hated this mission, but on replay, I think that goes to Mage Towers instead. The trials are fine the first time through, but it is exceptionally linear. Which is a shame, because the keep in the center is a lot of fun, but you have to do so much to get to that part. [bowel movement] Great! Before I get into spoilers, I wanna talk about how the game tells its story. Ironically, you’re mainly kept in the dark about what’s going on in the larger world. Garrett faces off against city guards, other criminals and a religious organization called “The Order Of The Hammer”. The thing is, none of these groups are pure evil or anything. You get the sense that everyone is just trying to get by. GUARD: “Howzit goin’?” Garrett’s not out for vengeance or anything. GARRETT: “So I decided to go after that horn Felix talked about.” GARRETT: “Not like I had a whole lot of choice, really. The rent is due, and my landlord’s even tougher than The Hammers.” He’s crawling through haunted tombs because he’s… trying to make rent. That’s relatable. However, there’s still a great focus on The Hammers. They worship a mythical figure called The Builder, and his imagery is everywhere. They are a technocracy – all about moving forward, constructing and inventing. They also have a strong sense of keeping order: build up the city, hammer down dissent. This makes them perfect ideological rivals. It’s not personal, but almost all they do makes Garrett’s job harder. Water arrows can’t put out their electric lights, their wonders of metal and tile flooring are way louder to walk on. They actively imprison Garrett’s fences and contacts and other troublemakers. Hammers make, Garrett take. The best part is that they don’t tell all this through an in-game encyclopedia or something. It’s all conveyed through dealing with them by playing the game. The level design and some environmental storytelling is great. Like, here’s an example (and I don’t even know if it’s intentional). At this point in the game, you’ve probably seen an ornate bedroom – fancy head- and footboard, lots of treasures in the room, and it’s away from main guard quarters. Deep in the Hammerite facility, you get the same sense that you’re where the elite hang out. The stonework is becoming ornate, the Hammer iconography is showing up more. It’s getting bougie. Then you find a Hammer bedroom, and BAM! We don’t sleep. This pew is a meter from the wall, just staring at a hammer. This instantly conveys so much about the Hammerites and how they are. You don’t have a wall of fluff about how strict the regime is – you just have this. It all happens by simply playing the game. And you learn more about the Hammers in other missions this way too. Sometimes, things are spelled out, but you can put together a lot on your own organically. Every single mission begins with a Hammer-themed cutscene, but it doesn’t say what the Hammers are – instead, you read their Scripture. I love it so much! There is one level I have to talk about and more story to cover, but that’s it for non-spoilers. So, if you wanna get past all those, go to here. Okay, The Sword. This is my favorite mission in the game, and flat out one of my favorite video game levels. Garrett is hired to steal a magical sword from an eccentric noble named Constantine. This would make your third break into a mansion, so you have some confidence behind you. Just like the others, the front is heavily guarded, so you look for another way in. The difference is, compared to the other jobs, you barely know anything about what’s inside. There’s not much room for casing place out either. All you can tell is that the building is a lot bigger than the other ones, and… why is that window crooked? A little strange, but it’s easy to get in. After the Bonehoard, you’ve gotten pretty good at climbing. It’s a lavish mansion, and there’s a lot of treasure to be found, but it’s well-guarded, and some of it is more hidden. The deeper you go, the more strange things become. The rooms don’t make sense anymore, and they don’t seem to have a purpose. Even the layout of the more mundane rooms seem like something’s off or elongated. It was supposed to be a normal job, but things keep getting creepier. The orientation of rooms shift completely, and eventually, the mansion just gives up pretending it’s supposed to be something normal. And, while all this is happening, the guards are still on the hunt. It is such a trip. Why is there a jungle inside this? Are the rooms and furniture going to keep flipping? What’s the deal with the shrunken town or the gigantic room? Why is the laughter in the walls… getting louder? [mischievous giggling] If the other levels had you feeling deep behind lines, this one really does it. You have no help, no expectations – it’s just you versus the mad house. Up until now, every map had logic and purpose behind its use, and now you’ve been thrown completely into the deep end of “What the hell is happening?” For narrative purposes, Garrett doesn’t need to say anything. His only remark on any of it is when you actually get the sword. GARRETT: “Time to take my new sword and get out of this crazy place.” That was it. The madness isn’t overly foreshadowed, and it’s not constantly talked over. It’s a kind of restraint that I wish some other games had. At the end of all of it, it turned out it was Constantine who hired you. The entire job was to test how good you were for his real assignment – stealing an artifact called The Eye from a haunted cathedral deep inside undead territory. But unlocking the cathedral means taking some other jobs to get the talismans to open it. This leads to a twist, and I’ve heard some friends call it a bad one. Constantine and the artifact are actually evil. Ehh… yeah? WHISPER: “The Keepers have sealed the door, and only they know how to open them.” I never got the vibe this was an artifact for good. The one tightly sealed inside a cathedral, because it fell to ultimate evil. You’re being hired by a powerful and wealthy man, who isn’t using other channels to do this. I never saw this guy and his assignment being bad news as a twist. It’s the degree of just HOW bad he is. CONSTANTINE: “I can’t tell you how pleased I am with you, Mr. Garrett. I simply can’t find the words.” CONSTANTINE: “But perhaps Viktoria can help me in that regard. She has such a way with them.” VIKTORIA: “Yes, we are both so very pleased…” GARRETT: “Viktoria?” VIKTORIA: “…even though The Eye is defective.” GARRETT: “What?” CONSTANTINE: “Viktoria is quite right, Mr. Garrett. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but this eye is completely blind.” GARRETT: “It’s a rock. It’s what you asked for. Am I gonna get paid or not?” CONSTANTINE: “Of course. Viktoria, are you prepared to give Mr. Garrett his… compensation?” VIKTORIA: “Bow to the Woodsie Lord, and offer up your flesh eye, so that his eye of stone may see, manfool!” VIKTORIA: “Bids he then the spruces to singer him in anthems, and the Woodsie Lord binders them fleshes to stone!” GARRETT: "A-AGH!!" CONSTANTINE: “Did you think those ancient phrases were mere words, manfool? Look at me! I am the Woodsie Lord – the Trickster of legend!” “Did you think those ancient phrases were mere words?” The scriptures before the missions were worth paying attention to, and the levels had some hints as well. The nemesis of the Hammers were Pagans and forest spirits, all of which were led by the Woodsie Lord, who they believed The Builder drove off. Which means, some of that artwork had more to it as well. The mansion in The Sword now lines up too. You’re not dealing with another weird one-percenter – he’s a Pagan god. Garrett has just found out that Satan is real, and he’s helped his plans somehow. He doesn’t quip, or swear revenge for getting his eye taken, he does this – cowering in pure horror. This shit is nuts! It’s such a real reaction. What’s also cool is you have no idea what his plan is, unless you explore around in a level. His ultimate plan is to wipe out human civilization and snuff out all light. “Once my dark project is realized, they shall know again to fear and love their Lord.” Not only is the writing stellar, but there is a lot of irony here, too. Taking away luxuries and snuffing out light is what you’ve been doing all game, and now someone is out to do it to everyone and everything. So the Hammers, who you’ve been plaguing all game, team up with you to stop him. Narratively, this is all great, but, as for the missions themselves, it’s not the high point. Two of the missions have maps that are partial remixes of what you played before. The mansion from The Sword is now being overrun by plant life and strange new creatures, and the Hammer temple is being actively invaded. It’s not the remixing that’s the issue, but these missions are strongly pushing you towards combat now. You can try to sneak around or run past them, like you could in the Bonehoard, but there are less options now, and it seems more set up for confrontation. One mission will even add a “Kill Enemies” objective, if you damage one. So, it seems like a lot of fighting inside some anthills. And, unlike before, where getting around that stuff was an option, here, it feels like you’re playing it wrong. The final mission is the complete opposite. Instead of constant comb- OH! Shit… Jesus Christ… Here you can blow past everything. It’s still an anthill, but this time, you have a ton of room to move around, and it’s very linear. It is neat, running around in the Chaos Realm, and there are some standout moments, but it feels like wasted potential. I don’t get the sense of it being an ultimate test of skill or anything. It’s way too simple for that. The final boss is doing a sneaky item switcharoo. Once again, this is a piece of cake, but you know – I feel kind of thankful. There could have been a terrible, stiff boss fight. This is at least appropriate for the game. And, frankly, I’ll take a quiet ending over a painful one any day. The world is saved. The Hammers give Garrett a shiny new eye for his troubles, and that’s it until “Thief 2”. So, final thoughts. “Thief” has its stumbles. Some things are stiff and awkward. And even after years of community fixes, things can bug out sometimes. It’s no less cheeseable than any stealth game now. Even when things are working, the later levels do have some confusing direction behind them. But all that is expected, because this is the first of its kind. You didn’t have a first-person stealth game like this. The series went on, but there weren’t many imitators. There were a lot of other immersive sim games, but they focused more on becoming more powerful, rather than staying vulnerable. Tons of stealth games came out, but most went to third-person. “Thief” is still an amazing game all these years later, and when you’re done with the campaign, there are loads of fan missions to play. Because of its age, it stays cheap, and it will be even cheaper for the next while. A LOT cheaper. The on-screen link or pinned comment will make it 86% off. The entire trilogy is on sale for 90% off. There was some good negotiating… So, in that vein, I’m not done yet. Come back next time for “Thief 2”! It’d be fun to go through the whole trilogy. Maybe the Dark Mod. It will happen eventually. Hopefully, before “Gloomwood”. Heh-heh-heh-hah-hah-hah-hah… Heh-hah-hah- OGH!! We made it to the new year! There is a lot to do, but I’m excited for it. Gemfucker: “Do [you] think a good westernized “EDF” is possible?” I don’t wanna say it would be impossible, but I think westernized version will be either way too dark, or way too tongue-and-cheek. They are on such a tightrope already, but they make it work. Sparkie1j: “Which fellow youtubers could you beat in a fistfight?” Ugh… You, Sparkie. I’m gonna destroy you. Justin Bliley: ““Doom 3” and “Quake 4” are both departures from the series. Which do you think was the better evolution?” I mean, “evolution” is a strong word for it. I definitely like “Quake 4” a lot more as a sequel to “Quake 2”. I always thought the Strogg were a really creepy and fascinating enemy. It’s been so many years that I should probably give “Doom 3” another chance, but I think “Doom 64” was what I was looking for. If you’ve never played “Doom 64”, I highly recommend that. Widecrusher: “Any plans on making a “Bannerlord” video, now that it’s out?” Someone asked me about “Bannerlord” in one of these a long time ago. I’m pretty sure I said I’d be dead by the time it came out. The thing is, it’s Early Access – there’s still time. If I make it to the 1.0, or whatever the release version is, then sure, there will be a “Bannerlord” video. But until then, there’s more to do. GUARD: “This is no place for you!” I don’t think there is a way in… “This is your last-”
