[DX intro] [DX] I have been reviewing and
talking about games for four years now. In that time, I've played some of the worst
atrocities known to man and computer alike. The reason I've garnered such a
reputation from playing these abominations is because my fans kept sending me them. If it looked like it would cause me
physical pain or disgust me beyond belief, they sent it my way. As such, I recently realized that I'm
sitting at 345 games owned on Steam, and while I've got my fair share of good
games, my library is also plagued by games that would drive most people to insanity. Today we'll be taking a look at the bad, the ugly, and the "holy fucking shit how could
anyone in their right mind have conceived this and why is this on Steam?" You want bad games? I've got them. You want Steam Greenlight asset flips?
I've got them. You want games so awful you can't
even buy them on Steam anymore? Well... I've got them. Let's get started. [DX] We're going to begin with the
games least likely to make you vomit. Games that aren't good, but
aren't absolutely horrendous. Basically, they're the nicest guys in prison. Up first is Absconding Zatwor,
a game actually about prison - or escaping it, anyways. You play as Randy Crow, who has
been wrongfully convicted of murder and is sent to Zatwor, the
most brutal prison in the country. Every level has you facing increasingly
difficult obstacles in order to escape. This game is bad for a number of reasons, but I think it boils down to
Randy being a stiff piece of shit. His movement is very rigid,
and most of the time you fail, it's because you don't have sufficient control
over him to correct your small errors in movement. The obstacles are also inconsistent, sometimes setting off alarms and other times not. This is a game that, ten years ago,
would have been on Newgrounds. It plays like a bad Flash
game and looks like one too, with its only saving grace being that it has
music far better than it deserves to feature. The same can't be said for
our next game, Call of Tomsk-7. Tomsk-7 is a sidescrolling shooter without any of
the things that make a sidescrolling shooter good. Having different guns and a number of
secondary weapons is all well and good, but when everything dies the same exact
way and their movement becomes predictable, you've pretty much killed
any potential fun you can have. It also looks horrible and refuses
to play at high resolutions, of course. This game really reminded me
of those Thing Thing flash games that were really popular in the
late 2000s across Flash game sites. Turns out that the first Thing
Thing is almost ten years old now. And far better than Tomsk-7. Because Tomsk-7 is shit. Now, not everything in this category
looks like a decade-old Flash title. It's time to shift into full 3D
with Glacier 3: The Meltdown. Glacier 3 is probably the worst
vehicular combat game I've ever played. When you enter the game,
you can choose story mode - except there is no story, it's just a series of
tracks for you to play with no narrative whatsoever. Once you get into actual gameplay, Glacier
3 blows hail-sized chunks out of its own ass because its physics and controls
make the game nearly impossible to play. Slightly turning your car will
cause it to do a near 180 spin, and this is complemented greatly
by the insane bounce physics that have you colliding with everything in sight. You've got about as much control over
this car as you would a motorized bar of soap. The AI is probably even more lost than you are because they drive straight
into mines and right off of cliffs. Only making things worse is this horrible FOV. I guess the game decided that staring at
the ass end of the car was far more important than viewing obstacles straight ahead of me. Fuck this. The other racing game up next,
High On Racing, isn't much better. This is a game where you try to collect
points around a map and make it to the end before time runs out. When you open the game, you realize that High
On Racing features the same ideological crisis as the all-time bad racing game Big
Rigs, where it's called a racing game, they even have "Racing" in the title,
but you're not actually racing anyone. At least with Big Rigs, it was patched
even if the AI never finished a match, but here, it's... just you. Yep, just you with these shitty
speed physics and the inability to turn. And with that, there's not much else to be said. One thing you'll see a lot of with these bad games
is that they'll get a number of unnecessary sequels. Remember Randy Crow from Absconding Zatwor? Well, someone thought it would be a
good idea to build a universe around him. Enter Break Into Zatwor, where
Randy must break back into Zatwor after escaping it to save his brother Larry. And if that wasn't bad enough,
get a load of Fiends of Imprisonment. This one has narration. 11/10 voice acting [DX] All these games are the same fucking thing. And you remember the title
music from Absconding Zatwor? They just recycled it for the two other games. If there's anything good I can say about
most of the horrible games on Steam, it's that they at least try telling original stories. You can see some effort in these games to
immerse the player in the story they want to tell. But as our next game, Eaten Alive,
will prove, it doesn't always work out. Eaten Alive is an RPG Maker point-and-click
with dialogue that must have been written by the same 14-year-olds who wrote Akame Ga Kill. [dreamy music] [DX] It's a pretty shitty game, jokes aside. The controls are stiff,
grazing a zombie is auto death, and worst of all, the game has a perma death
mechanic where you have to start all over after death despite reaching checkpoints. I thought this was going to be your standard bullshit
until I entered a room called "Jim's Apartment" where you meet a gamer with a penchant for dildos. You even get to play his game, Dildo Maze. What is this doing in a zombie game? Who knows, but it's there. And it's much more fun than the actual game. And that's about it for games that don't make
me want to jump out of my nearest window. The following games I'm about to
cover are about to get a whole lot worse. [DX] Understanding the thought process behind
the creation of many of the bad games on Steam starts with considering what game engine they're using. The most commonly used is called Unity. Unity has been used to make some great games, but due to its accessibility and its store
where you can buy assets for your game instead of having to create them, the engine has been used to power some
of the worst games on the Steam platform. Hacks use this engine because
they lack the money or, typically, the talent to create anything of value, so assets are bought, plopped into the engine,
and then games are made with these assets. The first game we'll be
covering is called Bloody Boobs. Bloody Boobs is a game where you walk around a
dungeon and pray to pillars while avoiding monsters. You play as a female of your choosing,
and the character creation allows you to alter the size of their breasts. Because that's all this game is about. It's about big bloody tits, and
the game isn't subtle about it. But self-awareness doesn't mean
jack shit when your game is jack shit. Gameplay is awful, consisting of running from monsters while trying to orgasm to praying to these altars. That's literally the entire game. Just running around avoiding
monsters while the godawful narration chastises you for buying this game
when you could have supported charity. That's pretty ironic coming from the
developer who must have had a raging hard-on at the thought of making a game
where the punchline is boobs. Fuck you and your terrible game, cunt. Sadly, Bloody Boobs is somehow less
insulting than our next game, Nuclear Shot. The people who created all the Unity
assets with the Minecraft aesthetic must be swimming in money because a
ridiculous number of lazy hacks bought them for their terrible games that
they put up on Greenlight. The big craze was zombie survival games for a while,
but Nuclear Shot aspires to be more than that. It aspires... to be Counter-Strike. It's basically Counter-Strike: Minecraft
without any of the quality assurance that you'd get out of that hypothetical title. The gunplay is broken, the AI is broken, and it took me about five minutes to
realize it, but the level I was playing... well, the level I was playing
was literally just Dust II. It's as good a replica as someone who
would try making a game like this could create, but it's still garbage. And yeah, that's right: a game where the level design is
ripped straight from another game was allowed on a platform created by
the people who developed that game. Fuck me. Moving on, another big Unity
craze is making horror games where the only true horror is how atrocious they are. Dark Night is a survive until daylight horror game with some of the most disgusting visuals I've ever seen. Not disgusting by design, but disgusting because
whoever made this clearly didn't understand how to properly use normal maps, the textures
that usually give depth to objects in games. Anywho, in this game, you have to survive from a monster and find your way to help your
mother who's on the second floor. The flashlight barely shows you
anything, so that's already a no-go. It's nearly impossible to navigate because of that. I wonder if this was done intentionally
because the people who developed this this had no idea how to make something
scary other than "just make the game pitch black." This is horseshit. At least I can say that Dark
Night was trying to be scary. I'm not sure I can say the same
for our next game, The Graveyard. The Graveyard is a game where you're an
old lady and you walk around a graveyard. That's it. That's the entire game. The reason this is so infuriating is because
not only can the game not be bothered to have any actual gameplay, but
the old lady walks so absurdly slow, likely to pad out the already
short length of the game. By the way, most of the games I've
covered up until now are pretty cheap, ranging from $0.99 to $2. The Graveyard, a game where you do
basically nothing but walk around a graveyard... The Graveyard, a game where you do basically
nothing but walk around a graveyard... is $5. What a crock of shit. The last horror game we'll cover for
now is called The Hat Man: Shadow Ward. As a critic, I'll usually make comments
saying that a game looks dated and that it looks like a game from ten years ago. Sometimes it doesn't and the statement is hyperbole, but there is absolutely zero hyperbole when
I say that this looks like a game from 2005. Conceptually, it's Silent Hill in a hospital. Execution-wise... it's Silent Hill in a hospital, although not as scary... or as good. Admittedly, this is one of the
less offensive Unity horror games and even features some half-way decent voice acting, but it eventually becomes total cheese. What Shadow Ward has going for it is that... it runs. And it functions as advertised. The next game on our list is called Protocol. This is a game that doesn't work. This is a game that doesn't work. AT ALL. That's right - it just keeps looping this
message over and over and won't start. This is maybe the most insulting
game that'll you see in this video if only because it's STILL ON STEAM. if only because it's STILL ON STEAM. FOR SALE. They are selling this fucking
game that doesn't work and features screenshots from a
game that clearly no longer exists. The last game for this category is called Fireflies. Right off the bat, you know this game is bullshit because the character moves like they've
got three legs, all of them of different lengths. And one of their legs is their penis, so
they're trying to not have it touch the floor, but they have to walk around somehow. This is truly the only way I can describe
how horrible it feels to walk in this game. The game starts out by telling you nothing, so you have to figure out yourself that you
have to drag three random objects to these totems. After that, you enter the land of "I Don't Know
How To Properly Optimize Video Game Assets" where you can look in one area and the game runs fine, but you look at another area
and the framerate shits itself. I really thought all this would
end when I got a GTX 1070, but no, it clearly hasn't. By the way, at this point, the
game is a Slenderman clone. You have to pick up pages of a diary before
some untextured monkey beast kills you. Also, the sound randomly cuts out in this level. Because of course it does. [forest ambience] [ambience stops] [DX] To the surprise of no one, there are
a lot of Steam devs that make bad games who have little understanding of comedy. They believe that sticking the word “simulator” at the
end of their game will be this hysterically funny joke and will somehow translate to a good game. Well, it doesn't. There's also those who make simulator
games that hardly resemble games at all. Enter Skyscraper Simulator, a game where
you buy, create, own and sell skyscrapers. Not a horrible concept, but the game
does little in the way of explaining shit. And it runs at a low resolution, making it
harder to comprehend what is even going on. It crashed the first time I tried to
get it to run and is bugged to shit. For whatever reason, this is $4 on Steam. There comes a point when you've
played enough of these simulator games where you wonder if they're just scams. Our next game, Farm Machines
Championships 2014, sure seems like one. On the surface, it's a modernized version
of dogshit Wii shovelware from 2007. Several different modes to mess
around with, different vehicles, but overall just lacking any substance or character. To get to the other modes within
the game, you first have to win a race. The only problem is that your
tractor moves incredibly slow, and you start out in the fourth position. The collision is horrific, and the game will
reset your position if you try taking shortcuts. The reason I thought this was a
scam was due to the framerate. I wasn't getting more than 30
frames per second on a GTX 1070. Now, that's not abnormal; there are
some games that are just optimized poorly. But if you read around, you'll see that
some people were getting a framerate of 8 and the game was virtually unplayable upon release. This was never fixed. In fact, you cannot even buy this game on
Steam anymore despite the store page still being up. Not like there's much reason to buy
it anyways because it's fucking awful. And the hits keep on coming with our
next game, Professional Lumberjack 2015 - a game where you get to be a lumberjack. Yes, you get to be a lumberjack in
this blurry world where water is molasses, people don't communicate with you at all,
you can move cars by bumping into them, and you can fall through the map. There's really something to be said about polish
with a lot of these games and how most of them lack it, but this is another level. The UI is ugly as fuck and doesn't actually
communicate information to the player as to how to play the game. There is seemingly no real end goal
as, again, people don't talk to you at all. They just stand there. I went into the controls menu various times to
see if I could get them to say anything, but nope. Eventually you find your way into the vehicles menu,
but they all suck ass and the physics are screwed. There's almost nothing to do here,
but even driving around in an empty field and trying to pick up cars with a forklift
is more entertaining than our next game. Grass Simulator is a game where you
observe grass and cows with bugged animations. That's it. You look at grass. There's a lot of levels: snow levels, fire levels... And there's one level that actually got a
laugh out of me, so I guess that's some success. But fuck this game anyways. [dubstep music plays] i hate it here [DX] Not every terrible developer
uses the Unity engine for their bad games. Some use other engines for artistic reasons, I assume. If you're gonna make a terrible
game, at least make it look good, right? Operation Caucasus is a game I
previously covered on this channel, but it seems to have undergone some updates and
now with my new GPU, I can finally play it optimally. I wish I still couldn't. The game opens with a cutscene
where you can barely hear anything. [completely unintelligible dialogue
due to abysmal audio mixing] When you enter the actual
game, you're told to climb up a wall. You can't look in any other direction but up. Why would you start your
game like this? Staring at a wall? Who knows. When you get behind these boxes, the
enemy spots you because they're omniscient. The gunplay is fucking awful,
with the animations being floaty, and the guns having no real impact due to a
lack of tracers and corresponding enemy reactions. The level design is horrid and
feels like it was crafted by a child who thinks they understand
level design and objective structure. Oh, and if you press Esc, it
STILL exits the entire game. This is maybe the worst use of
CryEngine in recorded history, and one of the only on Steam beyond Crytek's own games. The lure of an engine to most of
these people is its accessibility, and I think it's fair to say that one of the most
accessible engines out right now is Unreal Engine 4. While many great games have been developed
using UE4, and a lot are currently in development, the second it went free, we saw a wave of awful devs
using it to try and create masterpieces of bullshit. Tales Of Destruction is one of them. Now, I've played fucking Botology, X-17, and
Time Rammesside and other garbage of this nature, and the least I can say about those atrocities
is that they at least had a story of some kind. Tales Of Destruction has NOTHING and
dumps you into an area to just shoot things. The game is bugged to hell and back, with the mouse
and controller fighting over control of the game. The gunplay is horrible, and the UV map
on one of the guns is broken or non-existent, meaning that the texture doesn't
properly display on the weapon. This game does nothing right, even down to the running. The jogging sound effects sound like they
were recorded by an obese man in a closet. [very intense jogging and panting] this is bad [DX] Now, most people know about the big engines
used to power horrendous piles of shit on Steam like Unity and Unreal Engine, but there's a rather underrated engine that
doesn't get talked about much, and that's GameGuru. The first time I saw this
being used was with Kimulator, an asshole licking wad of fuck paste where Jesus
sends you on a mission for control of North Korea. The second time I saw it being used
was with The Face of Hope: Underground. That game was so FUCKING bad... And finally, here it is again in a
game called Remaining in a Dream. This is a game where you walk around a
dreamland and kill monsters, and that's it. The game looks terrible and can't seem to decide
whether it wants to be cartoony or realistic. The gunplay (calling it that is
generous) is fucking terrible, and, for whatever reason, features aim down sights. The sound effect is also ridiculously loud. You don't gain additional health level to level
either, nor do there seem to be any health pickups, so if you're low, you'll hear this
obnoxious heartbeat sound until you die. Upon further research, it appears
that the developer who made this... also made The Face of Hope: Underground. I say this seriously, and with no comedic intent: Primitive, Primitive, stop making games. JUST JUST STOP. JUST STOP. THEY'RE FUCKING AWFUL. With that out of the way, let's
pay some old friends a visit... [DX] Digital Homicide was easily the most
notorious developer of bad games on Steam until they messed with the wrong
critic and went out of business. During their stay on Steam, they
produced a freakish number of games with their motto being to just
buy assets from the Unity store and put as little effort into
creating gameplay as they could. I thought I had covered most - if
not all - of their games on my channel, but I had games in my library that I didn't
even know were Digital Homicide games. Up first is Attrition: Nuclear Domination. Attrition was Digital Homicide's attempt at a strategy
game, and to the surprise of no one, it's awful. Basically you collect assets and face off against other
nations by launching nuclear strikes on their cities. You collect assets by clicking these orange
dots, and then a helicopter is sent out to get them. Look at how small this thing is. The nuclear missiles take a ridiculously long
time to get to their destination, if they even do. Sometimes they can be
suspended in space and never move. And they're loud. So loud that you think one is
actually being launched in your room. So loud that you'll wish there is an actual strike
being launched at you so you can stop playing this game. Next we have Decimation of Olarath, another game set in space where you
play as a monster who tries to destroy planets. Or something. The game doesn't make it clear. The attacks are awful and floaty, and it's almost impossible to dodge the
enemy AI because of the first-person perspective. There's not much else to say
because this is the entire game. This was typical with Digital Homicide: make games with no depth that
can be summarized in 5 seconds. This can be seen in our following
game, Mini Submarine Attack, where you play as a submarine
and attack the ocean life. That is all you do. There's different levels, but you wouldn't be
able to tell because the background never changes. Nothing ever really changes. Oh, and if you spam the missiles, no
enemies will ever show up on screen. I always knew that Digital Homicide was full of
shit and their games were worthless asset flips, but Withering Kingdom: Arcane
War takes this to another level. Anyone who watches my content
religiously will know what this is immediately. This game is just Wyatt Derp with a magic skin. Wyatt Derp was another Digital Homicide classic
where you played as a cowboy in a shooting gallery. It was followed by Wyatt Derp 2: Peacekeeper. By the way, the sequel was released
on the same day as the first game. Withering Kingdom is virtually just the same
game: shoot enemies that come out in waves. You can use special attacks to kill a lot of them. It's bad. It's very bad, just like all of
Digital Homicide's games. But you know something? Digital Homicide's games were horrendous, often bugged messes that were terrible; but somehow, even they often weren't as bad
as the games we're about to talk about. Ladies and gentlemen... Ladies and gentlemen... it's time. [DX] These games here are the worst of the worst. Calling them "games" is a compliment,
and some would say a stretch. They may not be representative of the
worst games on the entire Steam platform, but they're certainly the worst in
my library, so let's just get on with this. The first game here is Tomato Way, a game about a tomato seeking revenge... I think. This is a game so horrendous and
wretched that it feels like a fever dream. [distant medieval music] [foreign language] [gunshot?????] [instant replay] [Duane Bradley] Oh Jesus GOD! Movie: "Basket Case 3: The Progeny" (1991) This meme is also available as a Twitch emote when
you Tier 3 sub to DX on Twitch · twitch.tv/dxfromyt Resident Evil 1 moment [growl] [slasing and blood splatter sounds] [DX] The visuals are disgusting, not just because
of the quality and aesthetic of the models, but also because of how dark everything is with you
barely being able to see the enemies before they kill you. The controls have been lobotomized
because you have to press right-click to reload and Q to throw a grenade. Your fork weapon is shit against the enemies, and I guess this is needless to say,
but the combat in general is shit primarily because of how many enemies swarm
you, and the weapon you're given to fight them being this pencil dick shotgun. I don't think I've ever been as repulsed
by a game quite like I have by this one. FUCK this. 24 Hours is an Unreal Engine
4 game where you shoot skulls. That's... That's... it. You shoot skulls. Some of them show up as red, others as black. You shoot them and they die. The game is usually unfair bullshit with the black
skulls coming out of nowhere and auto killing you. Have fun restarting at the beginning of the level! The bullets also come out of the gun in an arc. And the sound effects are nearly
as loud as an actual fucking gunshot. Masked Shooters 2 is Call of Duty: Horse Piss Warfare. Standard multiplayer deathmatch with some
of the most low rent visuals and gameplay ever. I think I'll let this game speak for itself. omegalul [DX] Into The War is a classic example of
how terrible developers can just give up on games and how there isn't any real
accountability on the Steam platform. This is a game so astoundingly fucking
bad that you can't even buy it anymore. It's another standard multiplayer deathmatch game, except with somehow even worse
visuals than Masked Shooters 2. When you open up the main menu,
no option works except multiplayer. You get into a match... but
no one is playing, obviously. This leaves you to roam around in this terrible
map with these horrendous weapon models. What do you guys think about
the black rectangle automatic? And what about the rectal examination shotgun? This game may also have been originally
intended to be a bit more fast-paced, because when you jump, you boost jump as if you've
got a jet propulsion engine hanging from your ballsack. And, for reasons that will never be made clear... when you walk, it sounds
like you're wearing high heels. [dat walk] [DX] If you haven't caught on, the trend with all these
games so far is that they're first-person shooters, because for these people, it's likely the easiest
thing they can put the least amount of effort into. I've found that people in general,
these asshole sniffing incompetents aside, generally don't understand what they like about games. They can recognize good and bad, but
can't really tell you what makes up the good and how the player receives the benefit of
quality mechanics even if they have a grasp on what makes up the bad. Our two final games are very
good examples of what happens when people with no understanding of game
design WHATSOEVER attempt to make titles. I'm really not sure which of these is worse. First up, we have Mortos. Mortos is a survival game where
you survive against waves of zombies. I've complained a lot of times about how modern first-person
shooters don't give enough feedback to the player that the enemy is being shot,
but this is just something else. You've got an assault rifle, a pistol and
a shotgun, and all of them feel like shit. Shooting at enemies seemingly does nothing. There's no blood coming out of
them, no tracers, no hitmarkers, nothing. I guess the game is headshot-based, but even that's broken because I shoot them various
times in the head and sometimes they don't go down. If you haven't noticed, it's very dark,
so the game gives you a flashlight - and an optional night vision mode. Holy... Holy... fuck. This is actually what the night vision mode looks like. Not only is it disgusting to the eyes, but it
basically takes any challenge away from the game. The AI is also messed up, as
they will fall from the sky at times, and the minimap doesn't
accurately represent their positions. The incompetence of Mortos is so
high that they give you limited ammo, but then have these spiders chase you across the map. You can melee them with a crowbar, but
then you run the risk of them damaging you. So either take damage, or waste your ammo. This is a decision the player should have to make
if they've messed up and this is their punishment, not if they played normally
and followed all the fucking rules. It should come as absolutely no surprise
that baby's first video game is so bad, but it just goes to show how
awful this developer really is because they're incapable of even
ripping off better games in this genre. And on that note... this is the end. Our final game is called Captivity. Captivity is a horror game where you're trying to
piece together what happened to a friend of yours. You know they last came to these
apartments, then they disappeared. Weak premise aside, this game is horrible. There are so many things
wrong with just this opening level. Once again, hyperbole aside,
this looks like a game from 1999 with the only added visual bonus from eighteen fucking
years in graphics technology development being bloom. To find your way into one of these
apartments, you have to find a key. This key is hidden under a bush. I found it randomly, and it's hidden in such a way that you likely wouldn't find it
in any other way but by accident. I tried exploring around to
find it, and I got stuck... on a car. The jumping here is so loud that
it pops the microphone as well. What really sent me over the edge was this door. This game has a door... This game has a door... that opens into a WALL. Is the developer that fucking awful? That fucking dogshit at game design that they
couldn't have foreseen someone opening the door and there being a wall there? Do doors open into walls where the developer is from? Once you get into one of these
apartments, you find someone dead. Who is it? The game doesn't say. You're then knocked out, and wake up in some building. The dizzying effect is so strong and the room so dark that it could take you a good
decade or so to get out of here. Once you're out, you find another dead body. And then you come across a
television with two men standing near it. Then you die for whatever reason. It was at that moment that I decided I was done. All of the games I've talked about in this video
are horrible, all for varying mechanical flaws, but the reason why these games
exist should be evident by now. By setting the bar so low to get onto a platform, a bar
which will soon be raised hopefully by Steam Direct, you get people with no experience
being able to charge for garbage. And that's the best case scenario: someone with no experience wanting to make a video game,
and then finding out that they can make money from it. Below them are the people who realize that they
can put the lowest amount of effort into something without having to create assets of their own. And below even them are the
scam artists who will promise a game, show screenshots from it, and then when
you buy the game, it doesn't even work. How this has been allowed to go on
for years now is completely baffling. The most blatant scams get caught, sometimes, but as Protocol and other games like The
District prove, they don't catch everything. Digital Homicide got run off of Steam apparently
not because they sold these shitstains of games, but because they threatened Valve's well-being
as a company by threatening to sue their customers. The idea that Valve doesn't see the sale of these
games as a hazard to the well-being of their company is saddening to say the least. The potential long term effects of having
your storefront associated with asset flips and games that barely work isn't
something that should be joked about. But maybe... just maybe... things will change. Steam Direct is coming, and with any hope,
this will be the end of this nightmarish saga. And with that said, I hope you guys enjoyed this video. One last thing here before I go, because I didn't get to say this on
video before they went out of business: Digital Homicide... Digital Homicide... FUCK YOU. Peace out boys, take care.
