The World's Greatest/Rudest Samurai • Puppet History

[Music] welcome one and all to puppet history online university today we'll be taking an ever winding look at yet another chapter in the heavy heavy book we call history while our guests ruthlessly compete for the coveted title of history master i am obviously your beloved host the professor thank you ryan bergara are you ready yeah let's do this special guest garrick bernard are you ready yes i'm ready well then let's crack in [Music] to start us off have either of you ever been in a fight not an argument but a real physical altercation unfortunately yes oh no i have two but i was very young so i almost feel like it doesn't qualify that counts you know fights happen when you're young yeah kids are mean that is true this kid was being very mean he was being rotten i picked him up over my head and i slammed him into the ground oh my god how did you get grown man strength at swell i'm not quite sure i got really really angry uh and to be fair he was being quite racist so i uh okay okay yeah yeah well the subject of our episode today was the victor in a fight to the death [ __ ] yes and then another one and another and another and another oh okay well a little bit of a pattern forming is this like a coliseum type of situation [Music] over his career he claimed to have triumphed in over 60 fights most to the death using a combination of strength ability and a total disregard for his opponent we're talking about one of japan's all-time greatest swordsmen miyamoto musashi for a second it kind of sounded like you were describing like the zodiac or something no oh man that would be a bummer imagine if the zodiac killer was just fighting people didn't have exactly serial killer at all look those kids in the car challenged me miyamoto musashi was born in 1584 around a turning point in the history of japan after nearly a century of turmoil culminated in the epic battle of sekigahara in 1600 japan was entering the edo period which began nearly 250 years of relative peace well there's some uncertainty surrounding musashi's early life but it's generally agreed that his father was hirata munici a samurai vassal to a local lord while musashi probably didn't live with his father the boy would visit his old man to learn swordsmanship eventually however musashi became so much more skilled than his father that he stopped visiting take that dad that's brutal i don't know if you can relate to this professor because you don't play sports maybe garrick you can i know you're a fan of basketball as well yeah heartbreaking what i imagine when you beat your dad and one-on-one yeah because it's not so much like he's getting more skilled it's that you're getting old father time is undefeated yeah father time has dumped on so many people it's also like that old thing have you ever heard that thing where it's like one day you'll pick up your child and set them down for the last time without ever knowing it that is heartbreaking isn't that messed up that hurts one day while walking home from a calligraphy lesson musashi saw a sign from one arima kiev publicly looking for opponents to challenge him in a duel this was a common practice by young samurai no more than 13 years old musashi wrote a note accepting the challenge on the placard when muzashi's uncle discovered his nephew who wouldn't even be able to see a rated r movie by himself yet had accepted a duel to the death he begged kihei to forgive the boy kihei agreed as long as musashi came and apologized so what happened next a when musashi went to apologize kiehi attacked the boy anyway b musashi apologized and kiehi offered to train the boy or c mozaji murdered kihei ryan what did you put i put c he murked him pretty fair guess and derek i'm gonna say a he attacked him anyway well let's find out what happened man what a crazy time that people were just walking down like i need a train let's train by murdering somebody right exactly i see someone has accepted by duel i shall prepare oh gosh okay hang on hang on sorry hello my nephew actually wrote that can you please just not murder him he's only like 12 or 13. a youngster's prank very good so long as this lad comes and apologize then i shall forgive his wily stunt i'll go tell him thank you so much what a scamp this boy is i'm excited to meet him excuse me are you arima kihei yes you must be the silly boy who accepted my challenge i am indeed arima kihei well it's time to die oh [ __ ] from his blood yeah of course there it is point to ryan little beef boy taking the lead early on they're gonna stick with beef boy little b-boy well this fight against arima kihei hooked muzashi he devoted the rest of his youth to mastering the art of sword i'm gonna bring it back to basketball again sometimes when you're out there playing pickup there's a guy who's barking a lot oh yeah he's the one you're talking the most big dog got a bark big dark gotta bark exactly well if you take he's done all the leg work basically you take him down now you have everyone everyone's respect so i respect the move here three years later musashi left his native village and set off on an important period of development for a young samurai called musha shugyo or traveling for improvement during this time a samurai warrior would wander japan living like a monk while testing his skills and duels you know a classic violent monk eventually if a samurai made enough of a name for himself a provincial baron called a diameo might hire him as a vassal the samurai would swear loyalty to the daimio and would no longer have to wander around it's kind of like being awarded tenure but for uh you know killing people that's cool man i didn't realize there was like a samurai for hire business that's [ __ ] sweet i would have hired something that's that was a whole samurai thing that's all anime like every single episode is just them being a bodyguard no they did battle in wars though too i think i don't know if that was a different name for a warrior are you thinking of the uh the tom cruise film the last samurai yeah that's exactly one of the references here no yeah i'm exactly i'm thinking of tom cruise but instead of doing that muzashi spent his entire life as a ronin meaning he was a samurai who never pledged allegiance to a daimyo maybe it was this dedication to traveling for improvement that allowed him to become so skilled at fighting but his victories were just as much mental triumphs as they were physical he's a real one man damn i'm too good for any of you so why would i chill here and that's how you get like slow and fat yeah it's true that's how you turn into a carmelo anthony or something like that i don't know that's disrespectful to carmelo anthony no he deserves it anyway what's his bc at this point his body count uh he's about 20 here damn eight years that's a lot you gotta just sort of extrapolate wandering for eight years how many towns or villages yeah have like top samurai he's probably just walking in and being like all right who's the best let's get it on he's probably like 10 bodies deep that's a pretty respectable guest i'm going to give you a history point for that good conjecture in the spring of 1604 musashi was around 20 years old and hanging around kyoto when he came across the yoshioka family there were eight schools of fighting in kyoto at the time and the yoshiokas were the top of the top when musashi wrote to challenge yoshioko ijiro the head of the yoshioka dojo he must have seemed like a real country bumpkin trying to prove himself in the big city in way over his head sensing an easy win saijiro accepted the challenge and let muzashi pick the time and place big mistake you don't want to give someone home court advantage he's gonna pick a bamboo forest and he's gonna smack you with bamboo are you dumb the yoshioka style of fighting that musashi would be facing was one of speed and subtlety to counter this musashi approached the duel with a strategy he later described as irritating one's opponent for instance musashi chose an outdoor setting for their duel knowing that saedro had gotten used to the smooth floor of a dojo and the unsure footing outside would throw siegero off his game bamboo forest i told you guys kind of a wimp no i could only fight when i'm in my polished little dojo you deserve it yeah it's like you're not real i can only play basketball on the hardwood floor of the staples center and not out there uh you know at the park oh it's got it's a double rim bro the double ram argument it's unbelievable always with the double rim argument how else did musashi irritate his opponent a he showed up late b he sang the entire time he was fighting or c he insisted the fight happen in the nude oh man all right ryan what do you got i went c peens out i went a uh he showed up late like super late that's actually funnier today yeah it's so much funnier to just be like time in place yeah i'll say the time but i'll show up whenever um well point to garrick in a classic a-hole move he showed up well after the time that he himself set for the duel it's so funny he should probably showed up with chick-fil-a yeah dude i'm sorry i just had to get a coffee really quick musashi put himself in saijiro's place and realized the longer siegero had to wait the more time he would have to consider his own death [Laughter] zashi was weaponizing saijiro's own imagination against him oh i love this this is like michael jordan all the great ones play mind games when musashi finally arrived siegero was pissed he reportedly hurled a slew of insults at musashi who egged saedro on further by simply smiling back thoroughly in his opponent's head musashi began to duel the rules of the match dictated that each warrior was allowed only one decisive attack with a wooden sword the combatants slowly approached one another looking for an opportunity to pounce and in an instant they made their moves striking one another at the same time musashi's blow landed on saijiro's left shoulder and it must have been a hell of a bomb not only did it not say idro unconscious but it crippled his arm see giroud had little choice than to renounce his position as the head of the yoshioka dojo and live the rest of his life as a monk jesus christ he knocked his washed ass into retirement yeah it's shaving his head too he's just like well you gotta go bald down so there you go oh holy [ __ ] i hope you like making beer yeah right what did the yoshioka clan do next a they asked musashi to lead their dojo b they challenged him to another duel or c they burned their own dojo to the ground in shame ryan what'd you put i put c extinguish our embarrassment and garrick i said a please please lead us that would be certainly the smart thing to do it certainly wasn't b no no of course not uh except it was so points to no one they saw a guy get hit in the shoulder and then get knocked unconscious by that and was like yeah let me get a [ __ ] turn yeah basically that is madness the yoshioka we're not through with musashi yet the new head of the dojo yoshioka de and shichiro was aegiro's younger brother and considered to be just as talented as his newly monked brother now if you're thinking well someone just as good as a loser is still a loser then congrats on thinking this through better than the yoshioka and so he also got monks well getting monked is funny then chicharro sent a challenge to musashi who accepted immediately since it worked so great last time musashi decided to arrive late to this duel as well musashi continuing to drag the oshioka name through the mud by being so disrespectful dan shichiro was apparently nervous and irritated when musashi finally arrived when they finally began to fight da and chichiro fared even worse than his brother with musashi disarming him and using his own weapon to kill him oh he killed him he killed him this is sometimes you got to make a business decision and that means maybe i don't want to block the guy who just dunked on somebody i played before you step out of the way let him happen he just monked on your brother like don't just relax all right what did the yoshioka clan do next oh i already know hey they asked musashi to lead their dojo b they challenged him to another duel or c they burned their own dojo to the ground in shame all right ryan i'm gonna go c just finish it please sure and garrick i'm gonna go b because they're they're [ __ ] idiots and they're just gonna keep on going down the line i'll point to garrick wow wow dude unbelievable so disappointing yeah they're definition of insanity it's a definition of insanity as you have astutely observed insanity has been described as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result in that regard you might say the yoshioka were insane or you might say the oshioka were insane because the fighter they put forth to challenge musashi saijiro's eldest son yoshioka matashichiro was a 12 year old this may now be a case of darwinism we're seeing here that's just that just is what it is no real crime was committed here if this was any samurai movie yeah i think what will happen is either a he'll die by the 12 year old or he'll see himself in the 12 year old and be like i'll train you boy i like that second option that's beautiful that's very so that second second is very sweet yeah it's more than the family deserves i'll say that for sure 100 the yoshioka clan was desperate their reputation was suffering and they really needed a w to restore it therefore in addition to mata shichiro the family would be sending several archers and riflemen to ensure musashi could not humiliate them any further that's disrespectful that's some like uh commodus [ __ ] and gladiator oh yeah okay yeah gladiator [Laughter] to his credit or depending on how you look at it not to his credit musashi took this challenge from a preteen very seriously after all he'd only been 12 or 13 when he won his first battle so muzashi had good reason to prepare seriously for this fight good move self-awareness good move you like to see it now having a bit of a history with the yoshioka and knowing they'd probably expect him to show up late musashi instead arrived at this third duel early and hidden no bush what a nice zag on she's just like just looking as he watched the archers and riflemen arrive musashi did the only thing he could have done to survive the fight he sprang out and killed mata shichiro immediately with the young leader of the yoshioka dead musashi was able to escape having single-handedly destroyed a once-respected kyoto clan rule of three man you gotta do something different on the third now while there's plenty of stories of musashi embarrassing other swordsmen throughout his twenties it was his final battle that became his most famous by the spring of 1613 musashi had triumphed in nearly 60 straight duels but musashi wasn't the only decent fighter in japan sasaki kojiro was the principal sword master for one hosokawa it was rumored that kojiro was a swordsman equal in skill to musashi and musashi kind of wanted to find out if that was true musashi wrote a letter to lord hosokawa asking for permission to battle sasaki kojiro lord hosukawa agreed and set the duel for 8 am on april 13th on the island of funejima on the morning of april 13th as the duel's appointed time approached where was musashi a still in bed b lying in ambush on the island or c trying to steal a boat from a fisherman now before we get to the answers worth saying pretty cool to have a duel on an island yeah i was just about to say like this kind of feels like when there's a big prize fight at the mgm grand which is why i chose a napping i'm also going to choose a because i don't think he wakes up in single digits eight o'clock i mean no well let's find out what happened uh hello is this where miyamoto musashi is staying oh my god yes hello oh yeah what do you want i was sent to see where you were come on we got to get up i'm up i'm up for cheese what are you doing we gotta go i'm coming i just need to wash up and get dressed and i'll have some breakfast maybe some waffles or something good god hello yes what do you want i'm looking for miyamoto musashi is this where he's staying yeah who are you i'm a second messenger why didn't you bring him i'm trying this dude's an a-hole oh okay i just need to borrow a towel some bits of paper and an ore all right let's go back to the death it's classic muzashi man this is how nervous and anxious he is for this upcoming huge duel against a reported uh major opponent he's napping so yeah points to both of you congrats great going eventually musashi ambled down to a boat owned by the guy with whom he was staying while a servant rode the boat musashi set to work on some arts and crafts oh open-ended question keeping in mind he has some bits of paper an oar and a towel what did musashi make while being road to the island and don't be afraid to get a little creative with your answers here have fun with it bits of paper an oar and a towel ryan i put a an unflattering dummy of his opponent just going with the mind games that's pretty good and garrick i also want that but no you did not i'll give you eat your jelly bean for that one it's not right but i love the synchronicity that's crazy in the boat musashi twisted the paper bits into string and used that to tie the sleeves of his kimono back so they wouldn't get in the way musashi also took the wooden oar and instead of using it to help paddle he carved it into a sword does he not have a sword has he not been yes not this whole time no he has been using a sword but it seems like he perhaps just forgot it or this is just a big flex i don't even need a sword i'll use this to beat your ass with this ore i love this guy i hope he doesn't die after he was done crafting and i guess because he was still tired even though he had slept in musashi laid back down by the time the boat got to the island he was more than two hours late there it is with the boat still in the shallows musashi hopped out and used the towel to make himself a headband as soon as kochiro saw musashi he ran to the water's edge in what i imagined to have been a common occurrence for musashi his opponent began to really holler at him scolding musashi for being so late muzashi pretended not to hear kojiro at one point kojiro unsheaved his sword and tossed his scabbard into the water finally musashi looked up and addressed kojiro kojiro you are lost or if you expect to be the winner why would you throw your scabbard in the water nice little bit of dirty talk or dir sorry trash talk dirty talking dirty talk whoa whoa what's happening over there i'm in trash too we get up to some stuff over here in this thing i don't like that you don't have to like it i do kojiro was pissed when mizashi finally approached kochiro swung at his opponent with the intention of splitting his head in half could your sword however hit the knot in musashi's towel headband instead muzashi smashed kojiro in the head knocking him over from the ground however kojiro struck out and cut muzashi's kimono above his knees muzashi used his wooden sword to start breaking kojiro's ribs kojiro passed out and started bleeding from his nose and mouth muzashi checked to see if coach euro was still alive which like many of musashi's opponents after being bludgeoned he was not he beat a man to death with an oar after he came at him with a sword who is this man an oar can't even be used to block the sword he used his [ __ ] towel to block a sword the greatest of all time muzashi bowed to the duel's referees and hightailed it back to the boat which he helped the servant paddle quickly back to the mainland because i think everyone watching got real pissed and he was like all right see you later that little scamp a few days later musashi asked if he could fight another of lord taraoki's vassals perhaps because he had just clubbed one of their best men to death lord tadaoki's men never replied to the challenge and musashi left they're smart they're much smarter and like the other plan while we may see musashi's fighting mo as pretty dirty musashi had a different perspective musashi considered himself to be in battle from the moment a duel was accepted all scheduling debating over rules and posturing were part of the fight the fact that his opponents didn't see things that way well that was just too bad for them and the body count musashi left in his wake speaks to whether his was an effective strategy i agree with you gotta respect it everyone knows that the game starts way before tip-off his fight against sasaki kojiro was musashi's final duel taking stock of a life spent wandering around bludgeoning dudes to death musashi decided his unprecedented string of victories was not the result of perfecting his craft but due to luck and the weakness of his adversaries that's humble that's almost humble until the end oh look i'm not that talented everyone i fight it's just as not as difficult that's exactly what i was saying that's that's right humility um okay you're right so what did musashi devote the rest of his life to a establishing a dojo in edo modern-day tokyo b traveling throughout asia or c art writing and being a dad easy easy money right i just probably isn't right but i'd love to see him be a be a dad pass on the lineage of blood yeah he's gonna be an artist well points to both of you yeah i love it love to hear any samurai movie they always end up with the sleeve and they're doing it they chill out they chill between 16 15 and 1624 musashi adopted two children miyamoto mikanosuke and miyamoto ayori muzashi came across mikonosuke when the boy was 14 or 15. nikonosuke was tending to musashi's horse and musashi was pretty impressed with the boy so much so that musashi asked the boy if he'd like to be his son hey hey you want to be my son you want a boy i like the way your tennis at his horse mika nosuke was flattered but informed musashi that he was already some other people's son yeah that's how that works they were old and they needed mikanosuke to help take care of them so what did musashi do no he killed miku nosuke's parents b he bought mika knows who k from his parents or c he adopted mika nosuke's entire family parents and all oh please god oh god i wanna i wanna be wrong ryan what do you got i put c not because i think what's right but because i i wanted to be right i want that to be the truth sure but i got a feeling he killed these two parents yeah i say he killed those two parents well thankfully and a little horrifically the answer is b so points to neither of you that's not as bad i mean thank god musashi went to mikanosuke's parents told them how he wanted to adopt their kid and they said uh sure in return musashi gave the parents some money so they wouldn't struggle and also stop by the neighbor's house and kind of asked them to check in on mikonosuke's former parents from time to time hiki no su-kay was his son now cool both ayori and mikinosuke were trained by their father to follow in his samurai footsteps going on to serve as vassals for daimios now as i mentioned earlier in addition to being one of the world's greatest swordsmen and buying his way into fatherhood musashi went on to be quite the accomplished artist he designed the town at akagi on hohenshu and the temple gardens of an aquain on hawaiian shoji and excelled at painting his painting style is often compared to his sword style as it prioritizes the execution of a perfect irreversible stroke what subject is musashi best known for painting a birds b large landscapes or c a genius this i owe him but is clearly mistaken and i wish i had a wish left so i could wish muzashi here to teach him a lesson this genie thing is it's getting strange man it's not even a bit people are talking it's just a bit you keep telling yourself that only doing this answer because i want to do this voice okay let's do it ryan what do you got a birdie birdie all of the landscapes that he probably saw just wet with blood and wet with blood well you can see the answer right here in one of his best known paintings shrike on a withered branch beautiful cool point orion birdie birdie birdie that's all right probably pretty easy you paint one bird you got it yeah you paid them all also a shrike that's a pretty brutal bird yeah i don't know much about shrikes but obviously we could see one right there pretty bird they dropped their prey on on on branches and impale them jesus christ not a pretty bird what the [ __ ] at the end of his life musashi wrote the book gorian no show or the book of five rings detailing his style of fighting which he called the school of two swords and how it relates to a general philosophy on life most elite martial artists could neither read nor write and disciples or buddhist priests were left to write books about their styles the fact that musashi was able to write his own books showed how superior he was not just with a sword but with a brain in the gurian no-show musashi preached the value of having an immutable mind he also wrote without knowing others one cannot really know oneself it's easy to see how these philosophies served him well in his dueling career musashi knew that by disturbing the mental state of his opponents he would be able to take advantage of their nerves and fears and take advantage he did today the book of five rings is studied not just by martial artists but also philosophers and lame business managers an impressive legacy from an impressive samurai warrior stephen lim probably has that book oh for sure you know lim's walking around with that one first thing you gotta do in the school of business is ambush a 12 year old yeah kill a 12 year old dominate your opponents stephen muttering that to himself on it at his desk dominate your opponents dominate your opponents in 1642 musashi began to experience debilitating pain thought to be some form of chest cancer musashi's plan was to go to the mountains and wait for death in a cave like some sort of unbelievable badass unable to comprehend how absolutely metal muzashi was being people were sent to find the samurai legend and bring him back to his home on june 13 1645 miyamoto musashi passed away in higo japan that pisses me off that someone wouldn't let him die in the way he wanted i hope he he wrote these things while he was still young so that nobody was just like oh this is just the ramblings of an old man it's like i killed a man with an ore yeah yeah grandpa we know yeah 60 fights all right i killed a 12 year old yeah grandpa well that we all know everyone knows that everybody that's the only thing we all remember ten years after musashi's death his son miyamoto ayori had a priest carve an epitaph onto a large monument in kokura which still stands today the inscription reads in part musashi's valor and great fame could not be overstated even if the oceans had mouths or the valleys had tongues wow that's good that's great what a life what a story what a life i mean i know he's a serial killer but i kind of wish he was my dad well for the right price he could be well that concludes our history lesson i'm gonna go tally up the scores to see who receives the coveted cup and the title of history master while i do that please enjoy this special performance from one of the [ __ ] on muzashi's boat whoa you've seen this show right yeah you see these dumb songs i don't know i like them i know everyone does hello hey i'm the [ __ ] from the boat yeah i could see that you okay no musashi made a sword out of my friend oh oh you're the other ore oh i'm very sad i thought you were supposed to sing a song or something oh were in love once [Music] or weren't we dipped into the sea just you and me waiting in harmony we were in love once [Music] or weren't we but now i'm a sword you see me and musashi [Music] the oh [Music] we just can't be [Music] see is beautiful oh they're gonna kiss let's see yeah they were lovely oh okay they got close oh up up kiss kiss do it do it do it oh oh jeez okay all right too much all right too much too much i thought they were going to jim and pam us wow those guys are hot and heavy in here you know what i'm talking about they're right down there and they're oh boy they're really going for it looks like you're enjoying it yeah you don't have to watch for that long holy moly well you're not gonna believe this but garrick bernard is our history master and so he has rightfully earned the coveted cup yeah ryan thanks for trying garrick go claim your reward you got an honest one for once i don't know what you're talking about i think you know what i'm talking about okay garrett how's it going i got a little cup garrick you have dutifully earned that trophy hey what happens if i eat the jelly beans oh well take a taste and find out all right i mean um holy [ __ ] yes now you see the magical power of my wonderful little jelly beans what the what the [ __ ] welcome to the party pal is he gonna turn back nope thanks for watching puppet history everybody we'll see you next week this hurts

Channel: Watcher

Views: 1,640,696

Rating: 4.984189 out of 5

Keywords: puppet history, shane madej, the professor, ryan bergara, garrick bernard, miyamoto musashi, samurai, history of japan, musical, watcher, puppet history songs, musical history, shane madej and ryan bergara, buzzfeed, history, trivia, quiz, game show, animated history, animation, educational, puppets, puppet show, funny, rivals, ruining history, buzzfeed ruining history, musashi, shane and ryan, ryan and shane, japanese history, japan, fuedal japan, samurai history, edutainment, facts

Id: S7bSLlN_C1A

Length: 32min 4sec (1924 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 18 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/gamechangerjosie]

a duet???? A DUET!!!!

[u/apple_fest]

This episode was so funny, I think it might be the best one yet. The basketball references were top-notch

[u/jpnam_sabreist]

I have a new favorite episode of Puppet History.

[u/Its_ya_boi_snekface]

I straight up drew the oar at like 11:35 at night during a stressful few hours and didn't remember doing it till I saw it in my gallery, so that's fun

Edit: The duet was fire and is really up there with Mt. Vesuvius and the torch this season

[u/emptysee]

The song, I swear I got chills. The songs just get better and better.

[u/SerPorken]

This guy had John Wick level of skill. Hot damn.

[u/[deleted]]

This story was great!