Ching Shih: The Pirate Queen • Puppet History

[Music] welcome one and all to puppet history today we'll be taking an ever winding look at yet another chapter in the heavy heavy book we call history while our guests ruthlessly compete for the coveted title of history master i am obviously your beloved host of a professor thank you ryan bergara are you ready oh you bet i am special guest and returning champ joyce luigeon are you ready i'm ready then let's crack in [Music] to begin what y'all think about boats yo ho ho or no no no you know i love a yo-ho-ho so go go go i actually blacked out i don't i actually did not hear the question at all because it was so stupidly worded we're going to start out like this huh well our hero today made her living on boats more than that she made an empire on boats today we're talking about ching shi the most successful pirate to ever live yes i love pirate content i know i'm period that's why i wore my little hat yeah i was gonna say that looks great check it out i'll do my best pirate impression are you ready please don't yeah actually i got it that was pretty good now when i mention pirates you'll be forgiven if your first thought goes to the tropical isles of the caribbean i know you're a real disney simp ryan but there's more to pirates than the naughty knaves hanging around tortuga you called me a disney symphony do you guys need couples counseling you know we can schedule some time later no i think we're okay i don't think we're okay i just i just wanted to let him know he's warned well for almost as long as the world's had boats there have been pirates trying to steal stuff from those boats and move it to other boats one place where there were and continue to be boats is the continent of asia the 18th and 19th centuries saw increased sea trade on the western edge of the pacific along with you guessed it pirates we've already gone over the fact that pirates were awful right not good people you know what i think it was kind of lit you steal from the rich you get to be around a bunch of big titties you go arg you don't take a bath and you drink rum all day i think titties is actually a part of a boat oh yeah like when when a pirate says like i've asked man the titties yeah or when a pirate goes ah look at the tits on that boat yeah i definitely know that that's a naval term totally these pirates were powerful but uncoordinated and in need of a leader enter ching shi while female pirates were not unheard of at this time ching shi was nevertheless an unlikely contender for the job because she was employed not on a pirate boat but a flower boat our first trivia question and our first opportunity for a history point this one's open-ended what was a flower boat i'm gonna get this so wrong and i'm so proud of myself for being joyce we're we're just here to go on an adventure together there's no shame here there's no pressure it's just like reno all over again oh i forgot about rito we have fun little beef boy couldn't make that one ryan what do you got a boat carrying baking supplies now you've interpreted that as f-l-o-u-r yeah that's right that's what i'm taking you to that okay and joyce i put the instead of that but a boat that transports flowers you know what we're going to give a point to joyce because she at least recognized that i was talking about flowers and not flowers or baking ingredients so a point for choice neither of you were particularly right though a flower boat was essentially a floating saloon milling about the harbor aside from the usual hoochin and smooching folks would board to be entertained with song and dance now shifting gears a bit according to an almost certainly untrue legend in 1801 the fearsome pirate chang-ee decided he was done being a bachelor so he went about finding a bride how you imagine pirates would do that sort of thing he kidnapped some women of this unlucky bunch he chose ching shi and when she was untied she lunged at him and tried to claw his eyes out apparently into that changi offered her treasures to marry him ching she countered demanding half of his fleet changi agreed ah love jesus he sounds like the ice king from adventure time oh he does i don't know that we need to do this psa but hey don't steal women uh for this is getting dark it always does now by all accounts ching shih transitioned from flower boat to pirate boat with skill and speed as a husband and wife pirate power couple chang e and ching shi managed to bring together individual groups of pirates with chiang ee serving as patriarch and ching shi acting as organizer and were they ever organized much like some lame corporate team building exercise their pirate crews were consolidated under color-coded fleets black white yellow blue green and greatest of them all red i know they're probably using this to wreak terror on the community but you gotta love the asian precision there making it very organized color-coded everything's together if they ever got into a conflict everyone knows what their marching orders are honestly i would just love the fact of being on the red boat because i know that i'm that [ __ ] and i know that i should be riding i'm the best belt there is are these boats actually the color or i thought this was just like you're the yellow team you're the red team yeah i'm sure they had like little handkerchiefs or uh bad damage oh okay so they're like all wearing like yellow clothes like yeah like power rangers or something yeah i bet they look just like the power rangers the red fleet was led by ching shi and chiang ee while the others were commanded by lieutenants each with a name more fantastic than the last there was bird and stones scourge of the eastern sea frog's meal and the best of the lot jewel of the whole crew hey i got a question for a history point what would your pirate name be [Laughter] i'm spelling this wrong but you know what i'm going to live in my truth ryan what do you got i'm going to be the scourge of the seed i love it i like that choice um i put captain queef stinky captain cueef is on the seven seas i smell her down wind a history point for captain queen oh boy now these pirate fleets wreaked havoc on southeastern china especially in guangdong province where there was a robust salt trade to target under chinchi pirates would capture the ships hauling salt and then force them to keep working but for the pirates benefit salt merchants eventually found it easier to start by going to the pirates and paying them for the privilege of doing their jobs so they're not getting paid they're just like literally paying to not die yeah essentially so it's like the mafia it's a protection racket or a racketeering basically yeah this protection racket soon was expanded to other merchant ships and even fishing vessels who would receive documents that would assure their safety emboldened the pirates didn't even stick to the sea hordes of pirates would descend upon a harbor and raid garrisons for supplies i didn't realize that salt was such a hot commodity back then but that makes sense it's good on eggs what uh natural good would you guys uh go after if you were pirates popcorn kernels mcdonald's french fries oh those would be good that is a very natural good it's it's 100 organic you guys didn't know right now going after popcorn might get a little expensive after a while why is that it tends to uh cost a pretty penny i've heard uh sometimes they paid as much as a [ __ ] ear you're suave professor the chinese authorities were thoroughly outmatched and the navy knew it the cowardly cantonese navy would routinely try to avoid coming across pirates or even sailing at all what was the training regiment for this this group of authorities avoid the pirates yeah here's how masts work here's how you rig the titties and uh yeah that's probably where it ended so then when they saw some big scary pirates coming they were like this wasn't in the handbook i just want to rig the titties i don't want to fight eventually ching shi and chang yi were responsible for so much devastation that the chinese government was left with only one option what did the chinese government do a they offered cheng e a job b they issued history's first million dollar bounty for the heads of ching shi and cheng e or c they began constructing a second great wall along the coast all right are we locked in yay ryan what is your answer go hey if you can't beat him join him and joyce so i picked b the one million dollar bounty okay we got a fun little historical skit to reveal the answer i'll be back in a second guys enjoy isn't there a drake song where he's angry about a bounty being so low probably i feel like drake gets mad about a lot of things 150 000 on my head that's disrespect i'm upset [Music] rapper ryan i never thought i'd see the day those married pirates are making a fool out of me the emperor they're the fool of your highness oh shut up footman i need to do something how about a million dollar bounty or that old standby building a wall oh across the ocean you're fired well good luck finding someone else who will work for you i'm the emperor dingleberry anyone will work for me anyone will work for me wait a minute that's it i'll hire the pirate i really thought i had it for a second but you know what that makes sense 4.4 ryan that's right basically admitting he couldn't do anything to stop the husband and wife the emperor offered chang-e a position in his government in hopes that he would stop his pirating changi was appointed master of the royal stables a job specifically tied to land ostensibly to keep him away from boats and the ocean in general this did not work changi was soon back to ravaging the chinese coast leading to what i imagine must have been awkward reports to the emperor detailing how his master of the royal stables had sacked another town so now he's doing he's getting paid to pirate essentially that's pretty baller i'm not gonna lie that's a power couple it is a power i like the idea of being a pirate and then uh someone trying to entice me with horses i had a horse what well once you realize it run shut the [ __ ] up joyce did you say you had a horse i had a horse named rose growing up so did you ever like feed it sugar cubes or apples or i did sometimes i put honey on the apple i put i licked the sugar cube and then i put it on the apple and you should eat both the hair's so long and luscious and she would like put her head on my head her forehead on my forehead i know you said you don't have it anymore but nobody like uh cut its head off and put it in a hollywood producer's bed absolutely not i think she just got new owners let's check him it definitely isn't the plot of a movie all right moving along oh hey professor clip club club club oh horse from our season finale yeah i figured i'd stop by one last time to hype up my final performance i just finished writing the chorus of my sky masterpiece and i think well it's better than anything the beatles ever done oh wow that's great hey how do you even get inspired to write something like that well i meditate on my beautiful horse wife muse dorothy ruth but i also poke around on the internet and look at cool pictures and whatnot hey and speaking of that i'd like to say a big horsey thank you to surfsharkvpn for sponsoring this episode now more than ever our internet reliance has been rapidly increasing we'd like to think our information is safe but as our online hoof print increases so does our need for proper security surf shark is a vpn service that protects your information by encrypting all the data that you send through the internet keeping anyone unwanted from seeing it and cribbing your incredible sky lyrics for instance wow another great reason to use a vpn is because content from streaming services can be restricted based on what country you're in with surfshark you can solve that problem by simply changing your location right now surf shark's got the best deal in the barnyard by using my link in the description and promo code watcher you'll get 83 off whoo which means for something like a couple bucks a month you can be fully protected whoa cool plus you'll get three months for free surf shark offers a 30 day money back guarantee so if you try and you don't like it well you can simply cancel your subscription honey you've got to rehearse some more oh hello professor it's me dorothy ruth the horse wife and beauteous muse are we interrupting uh i mean we're in the middle of my husband's going to be singing such a wonderful scar song in the season finale has scar ever made you weep professor um well let me tell you this beautiful brilliant creature will make you weep like a child with his scar your cheeks will be wet oh you're sweet well all right back to rehearsal we bid you and you all right see you later guys thanks for stopping by anyway where were we oh yes for more than five years changi and ching shi ruled the chinese seas as husband and wife essentially unopposed in november of 1807 they met their first major setback when changi was unexpectedly killed records vary as to how with some attributing his death to a storm others saying he died in battle either way he is in hell now if the chinese seafaring community thought their pirating problems were going to get easier with changi out of the picture they had greatly underestimated ching chi ching shi wasn't just a pirate trophy wife she had been just as if not more responsible for the empire than her late husband ching shi moved to cement her position atop the pirate throne and quash any thoughts of mutiny after securing the loyalty of her lieutenants in the color-coded fleets she sought someone to lead the most powerful of the squadrons the red fleet which chang e had previously controlled before being condemned to rot in the sulphuric pits of eternal damnation so what's your deal here i have what to say who did cheng shi tap to take control of the red fleet a the handsome leader of the blue squadron jewel of the whole crew who she took as a lover and husband b the admiral of the chinese imperial navy who she took as a lover and husband or c her adopted son who she took as a lover and husband i was down for all the lovers and husbands but an adoptive son too that's a lot it's a weird way to introduce someone at a party this is my lover husband and son have a lot to digest brian what'd you go for i'm gonna go for c incest okay oh look at the way you did that a fun little just uh having a little fun with incest there huh i mean who doesn't have everyone has to have fun with it yes you know what i mean uh enjoys i put a the blue leader point to ryan the answer is c she wanted to spank his bottom as a child and as an adult now let me explain let me explain so ching shi's adopted sun-turned husband was one chiang pao the actual son of a fisherman chiang pao became a pirate at age 15 after chiang ee captured him at sea changi soon took pow as his protege and love her note we do not endorse the actions of chiang ee don't steal wives don't steal boys unless you want to rot in hell not great it's not the best vibes well when chang e ate [ __ ] the 21 year old chiang pao was therefore the natural choice to take changi's place at the head of the dreaded red fleet within weeks of the big guy's death ching shi solidified chiang pao's loyalty by taking him as her lover and eventual husband um wow look we've said it before we'll say it again history's gross [Laughter] we condemn her status atop the pirate hierarchy now secure ching shi put rules in place to discourage pirates from stepping out of line insubordination could be punished by decapitation anyone stealing from the group's general fund was put to death and even the word plunder was outlawed replaced by the phrase tranship goods you know what i like the organization she's like you guys have been acting really foolishly if you steal money you're dead you want to plunder you're dead you want to do this you're dead i like her attitude now chimchi's pirate horde wasn't just about rules and bureaucracy this was still after all a ruthless criminal enterprise and a massive one so at her pirate empire's peak how many pirates were under ching xi's command this is a free response but for context henry morgan one of the most famous pirates of the caribbean in the late 1600s sacked panama with a whopping 2 000 buccaneers under his command so how many do you think we're under chin she's command uh i can't make a decision i'm an undecided gen z i'm gonna go with 2001 space odyssey yeah choice i put ten thousand okay uh jelly bean for joyce yes she is the closest between all six of her color-coded squadrons ching shi commanded 70 000 men across 1600 vessels wait you mean to tell me that she had 70 000 people under her command and she still was like i'm gonna bang my son with that much power it's little surprise the imperial navy had such a hard time countering ching shi's pirates for instance in 1808 ching shi and chang pao received word from spies that an imperial naval officer admiral kwo lang was preparing an attack to counter this ching shi sent a few of her boats out to draw quo lang's attack once engaged the rest of qingxi's fleet who were hiding behind a headland sailed out to surround her enemies with nowhere to retreat an intense battle ensued ending with quo lang taking his own life jesus christ how much did she outnumber his fleet by a fair amount you don't know what the vowel is yeah let me check with our mathematicians [Music] i don't know he probably had a couple boats about a fair amount got a fair amount man that's scary can you imagine that many boats coming around a corner you're just trying to sail the ocean blue and then boop boop all these homies show up they say i'm thinking oh [ __ ] and it's just learning nothing the chinese government sent general lin pha to avenge their loss once lynn foss saw ching she's pirates he lost his nerve and attempted to flee the pirates however would have none of it and began to pursue the general's fleet uh-oh when the pirates had just about caught up with the imperial forces the winds suddenly died leaving both sides facing one another but unable to move in an eerie stillness it's funny that there's this much firepower and because there's no more wind they're like i guess we'll just stay here for a second i kind of like how the pirates were like oh so you wanted to come fight me ho i'mma literally stab you in your face you think you're gonna run away from me i like that kind of violence you know you bring the fight to me i'm going to finish the fight so in this eerie standstill what did ching shi's pirates do a they took whatever implements they could find and started to row toward their enemies b they began to sing about what they were going to do to the general's men causing the entire navy to desert on the spot or c they jumped into the ocean swam to the other boats and started a murdering we're going to go with b diss track they're gonna meek mill their ass yeah i put c they killed them all well it's that time again to revisit history through the magic of theater i'll see you guys in a bit i really want it to be b because i would love to know what the lyrics of the song are can you believe these cowardly navy men running from us pirates after they wanted to start a fight oh don't worry we've almost overtaken them and then you know what comes next oh yeah it's the murdering oh you betcha just a bit further oh darn it the wind stopped right when i was getting my murdering knife ready what do we do now i don't oh wait a minute hey do you know how to swim uh yar well then what are we waiting for there's people over there waiting to be murdered cannonball doesn't seem very tactical at all you always want the high ground ask anakin skywalker it got turned into a churro oh yep point to choice ching shi's pirates hopped overboard swam to the imperial ships and climbed up the sides capturing the boats and murdering the cowardly lin fogg on brand yeah on brand bold i guess you could probably get pretty cocky when you're a pirate crew of 70 000. yeah no i'll probably get to a murder and a little too quick you think you'd be a little murder happy you know we all have a limit that's why i stay within the secure lines that society has put for me i get murder happy sometimes this always happens to me when i play warzone i think i have the shot and i don't have the shot and then i still take the shot and because of that i'm dead now yeah me too by 1809 ching shi was no longer content sticking to the seas and began focusing more on sailing squadrons up chinese rivers and plundering any towns along the banks now even inland villages had reason to fear pirates this is usually where the person who gets greedy suffers for the folly of their ways yeah we'll see if it goes that way let's see what happens at the top of her game but with a slightly worrisome fleet of portuguese ships threatening the red squadron ching shi started looking for a way to cash out in 1810 in a bold display of her power she turned to the chinese government to see just how badly they wanted her to stop constantly wrecking their [ __ ] on february 21 1810 ching shi's notorious red squadron sailed up the pearl river and began negotiations with the government to cease pirate activities soon however talks stalled what was the sticking point in negotiations a the government demanded ching shi return her transshipped goods including a vibrating crate stamped jewel of the whole crew's private loot keep all genies away until at least 2535 ce oh curious b the government demanded ching shi give up all her boats or c the government demanded her son husband chiang pao's head the vibrating box that was the jewel that the genie is not allowed to have i don't know anything about that it just it seems really special i don't know anything i don't know anything about that okay okay all right i put b for no mo boats i put c head [Laughter] yeah yeah point to ryan the government was going to let everyone live was going to let them keep their stolen booty was even going to give jobs to anyone who wanted one they just didn't want the ex-pirates having boats in the chance they decided to drop the x like what happened when they tried to turn changi into a horse guy ching shi however had all the bargaining power and so the government caved she got to keep all her pretty little boats and her men were paid by the government to quit pirating and offered positions in the military she retired the same way she pirated successfully i mean i gotta say she a bad [ __ ] she literally was like i'm gonna keep my boats i'm gonna keep my dogs i'm gonna keep my cash i'm gonna keep my ass alive it's kind of the ultimate dream for someone to say i will pay you to quit yeah after proving herself to be a ruthless pirate and an even more ruthless negotiator ching shi died in her 60s in 1844 having lived out the last half of her life in relative quiet between the massive pirate empire she controlled and the peaceful transition to retirement in her 30s one would be hard-pressed to find a more successful pirate either in the past or the future you know what i actually love that i love how like all of these female pirates that i've been learning about they get to live full lives while all their dudes in their hoes die early from their recklessness women make better pirates yeah they know when to cash out of the casino they do unlike the professor oh don't even get me started well that concludes our history lesson i'm going to go tally the scores and we'll see who receives the coveted cup and the title of history master while i do that please enjoy the special performance from ching chi's flower boat whoa oh oh good lord i get a lot of folks stepping aboard to have a drink on me and i don't know why but i sure do cry think about the galleries hang out i mean now she's getting into trouble on the seven seas changing sheep you traded city living for piracy i think she everything's about a crummy little jump [Music] but now you're making way heard you really [ __ ] suck into that government scum and i hope you know that i missed you so but i wouldn't want you hanging up your buccaneer soup when the squash is neat and buffing in this booty [Music] you gotta do what you gotta [Music] my own [Music] says until then jesus christ holy [ __ ] what a performance now let's see how we did oh boy you guys are never going to believe this but this week's history master is joyce louisiana what go and fetch your coveted cup which you have so rightfully earned i throw that up but okay i'll take his [ __ ] it never does joyce it never does i'ma get my crow feet very well deserved so still keeping it up huh still keeping it up keeping water yeah keeping up the the quality entertainment yeah joyce thank you for being here ryan thanks for trying and to the rest of you thank you for watching puppet history where the details are always a little fuzzy we'll see you next time [Applause] [Music]

Channel: Watcher

Views: 890,114

Rating: 4.9806046 out of 5

Keywords: History, Puppet history, shane madej, ryan bergara, shane and ryan, the professor, funny, trivia, educational, musical, buzzfeed unsolved, ruining history, buzzfeed, musical history, weird history, game show, puppets, puppetry, quiz, quiz show, bizarre history, funny history, professor mcnasty, songs, ching shih, pirate, china, chinese history, badass women, women's history, successful pirate

Id: Y8McaUknwn8

Length: 28min 47sec (1727 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 16 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/em_is_planting]

This was hands down my favorite song

[u/Countrychick524]

I remember researching her after the third Pirates of the Caribbean Movie!

[u/-Boundless]

Can't help but notice they used the flag of the PRC when talking about China instead of the actual Qing dynasty flag (albeit, it wasn't used until quite a few decades after these events, but it still represented the same state, so the point stands).