The Woman Who Rejected Her Career To Be A Housewife | Stacey Dooley Sleeps Over

I'm Stacy doy hi Stacy and I'm packing my bags for some more sleepovers I'll be coming out of my comfort zone actually if I fall to my death in Scotland to spend the weekend in the homes of Britain's more extraordinary families you lead I follow you've likened feminism to [Music] cancer for eff this is Hebrew oh my goodness I'm so sorry imagine owning an island do you worry about having a criminal record see if you can beat my name is Stacy ready go what's the best thing about being a model [Music] lone pumers don't belong in the the UK oh my God I really didn't anticipate [Music] this over the last 15 years I forged a career that has allowed me to be a self-sufficient independent woman settling down with a husband and kids has so far not been a priority recently I heard about tread wives a growing community of women around the world that have rejected their career Ambitions to focus solely on becoming the archetypal good housewife your ultimate goal is to be a wonderful wife and mother and that's wonderful since serving my husband I have been much happier in my marriage our marriage has been thriving much [Music] more my understanding of this movement is these women are very obedient right the husband is very much in charge and they just take care of all the household chores look after the kids dress a certain way present themselves in a certain way essentially everything I'm not this weekend I'm going to stay with one such woman who traded great career prospects to become a TRD wife you are encouraged to work on looking beautiful and you submit and you obey your husband [Music] the lady I'm about to me is called Lillian she's replying to a tweet here she's giving us tips learn Good Housekeeping tricks smile be a good listener try not to talk too much never speak over your husband especially in public someone said have fun being a slave to a man though I find those beliefs why wildly outdated I've totally see myself as a feminist um and I suppose like Lillian's setup begs the question is this sort two fingers up to [Music] feminism thank you I arrive on a Friday afternoon in the Sleepy town of Hamburg wondering if the tradwife movement is one huge step in the wrong direction for womankind hi welcome come on in thank you so much hello hi this is lenia this is Miss Stacy yeah and this is Ignatius hello ignacius um so you're not from England you're from the state so my family family one generation ago is from Central America Nicaragua and they immigrated to the United States when I was 6 months old so I grew up in the US so my accent is American and Lil and you my parents are from Taiwan and Hong Kong so I'm Chinese but I was born and raised in America so everyone over the phone thinks I'm some blond hair blue-eyed girl what made you come there I've been a little bit of an angile since I was young and it's rooted in sort of my love for the founding of the United States there's like a long tree of Heritage back to the UK I thought wouldn't it be nice to go and live there one day I I got the opportunity to transfer within my company and I took it and we've been here so so Lillian you're a a Trad wife are you happy with that description yes yeah and and in that it means traditional housewife or traditional wife it's almost like our family is a business and he's a CEO and he leads the direction of the family okay so what's the plan for the weekend so on Saturday we're having having our 10year anniversary renewal of vow ceremony okay and then on Sunday our baby number three who was born about 3 4 months ago is going to get baptized and so that's a really important event for us as a family to welcome him into the family of faith if you will incredible and I'm allowed to sort of witness all of that AB yeah yeah you certainly live up to the hoop earring sort of reputation your reputation precedes you on the hoop earrings my USP what's USP my unique selling point right yours it's my brand yeah yeah as well as daughter Livy and Son ignacius lilam recently gave birth to her second son Augustine oh good boy hello oh my do you want to say hi to M hello baby oh Lillian he's too much so he was born literally right here in this room yes how was that it was great so you show you where you're going to stay so you're going to sleep in here brilliant but the bed is not here yet we're going to set it up later yeah perfect this is my room is that okay you're not going to wake my Stacey up in the morning are you by busting in here M Stacy don't break my heart Lillian is like super glamorous really beautiful like the lip sticks Immaculate she's like a vision was really funny actually Felipe was like oh your gold hoops are exactly exactly what I thought they would be something God he hates the Hoops he hates the Hoops so the food's all set up in the back and so linia you can Le the way oh thank you every much is this my seat thank you well done look at this this just so I understand Lillian as soon as you got married were you a tread wife or is this been something that's developed over time yeah this has definitely developed over time right when we did have her I felt like yeah that was the beginning of the transformation if you will so I would probably have identified myself as a feminist before getting married and I was um yeah very much interested in my own career but it's very different now are you happy does does it work for you absolutely I wish I was ready to embrace it [Music] earlier within the structure of this Trad marriage Felipe is the sole earner while Lillian Keeps The Home the couple have also decided to homeschool keeping the children protected from outside influences okay round toward was midnight on the mountain Brown the cold Round Moon Shone brightly down do you worry the mainstream school would distract liy I think so they're so impressionable at this age and even sometimes when we make new friends and they maybe cuss or something I think it it would make it normal for her and then it would make it difficult for me trying to enforce a behavior that she then wants to mimic somewhere else my mainstream school will never be for liby you don't think I don't think so with two master's degrees lilan is more than qualified for the teacher position you've clearly achieved a lot and you've decided to give it all up in essence do you ever think you know I could have I could have done this I could have done that I did think that when I was in the first two or three years of marriage we were choosing where to live based on Felipe's job because he has more earning power but really honestly after having our daughter it just changed the way I thought completely if you were the one mhm with the earning power would Felipe be willing to stay at home no I don't think he would no because I think for most men especially masculine men when you have the wife who is the main income earner there I don't know what it is but just seems like the husbands feel lesser they don't feel appreciated and then infidelity occurs it's quite high for if the woman makes more money than the man then the man usually goes off and finds another woman that he can be he's better then but doesn't that then sort of limit your dreams so I think it's a myth to say that women can have it all in the tradwife world gender roles are far more polarized with the man of the house holding Authority Felipe works for a local engineering firm I'm curious how he defines his role within the family so are you a Trad husband if you imagine a city right and the in the Middle Ages people used to build these heavy walls around a city if Lillian and the the children are the inhabitants of that City then I'm the hard wall around it so if something dangerous comes I'm the first point of contact I'm the wall that protects them that's built into my DNA it runs in my blood what makes a good tread wife what do you expect from Lillian as the CEO so Lillian is like The Gardener of the garden she looks after all the flowers and creates Beauty in the house and she is there to inspire me to be a better man in terms of the money the decision making yeah are you pretty much in charge my check goes straight into a shared account and she does the grocery shopping she does clothing shopping she gets an allowance so she manages all the purchases that's the way the money is handled it's not like I inspect every purchase my wife makes do the kids look at this setup and recognize that actually dad's in charge what Dad says goes yeah yeah so we um if we ask the kids so who's the boss they'll say Daddy's the boss some people may look at this setup and think it lends itself to the woman just you know playing that traditional stereotypical role where she's subservient and she shouldn't offer opinion and she should only speak when spoken to and we want to move from that right yeah certainly lilan has many opinions and she voices them all the time she's of equal importance her voice matters just as much as mine although the buck slops with me and I make the ultimate decision I mean I'm a 33y old woman yeah I earn my own money I run my own house I don't have to answer to anyone yeah I've never relied on a man right you think that's a fault then to have to rely on some some body uh I think it makes you more vulnerable and do you think being vulnerable is bad I don't want to find myself totally relyant on a man yeah because that means if I'm not happy and I don't feel fulfilled and complete I might have to stick around whereas the life I've chosen I can do as I please but I appreciate that probably sounds very selfish to you it does a little bit it means you would not be willing to persevere a little bit I think in this household masculinity and femininity they're really important you know them gender roles aren't fluid at all they're very structured I don't think the modern interpretation of equality appeals to them either of [Music] them [Music] so I've got a gift for you this is brilliant that is so thank you so I haven't worn an apron for like 18 years wow I didn't know there was still a thing okay what do I need to do do you know how to cut up a bell pepper yeah yeah yeah do you need help I eat out a lot so yeah describe your typical day then when do you go out with your boyfriend like work is all consuming I mean Kevin and I we've been together two years so do you do you want to get married at some point I don't think so really never actually no I think I'd be more interested in starting a family than getting married MH so yeah that wouldn't be a prerequisite for you or anything you would just you could have children without getting married right I think there's a bit of a danger to that just for the children sake I think a lot of problems come from when when Parents separate it is it is so prevalent these days not getting married um whereas only 50 years ago it was taboo to have children without getting married oh completely yeah kids outside wedlock was like a sin in some people's eyes my days half half and then half again what's going on here we're running late yeah what a disappointment can you cook Filipe just pop them in here um I can fry an egg you can fry an egg yeah yeah boil an egg fry an egg yeah I'm kind of a jack of all trades will Felipe be annoyed that dinner's late if I have to take care of the home then there's some standards I think then keep to them but no he doesn't like break me or anything my p uh no nothing like that I would just get I would just be reminded that next time have it on time I think I suppose what makes your situation unique is you couldn't say look Felipe I'm not cooking tonight you know I ain't got it in me you would have to ask him if that was okay right right but I guess the modern woman would be like you should learn how to cook clearly you need you're an adult that's what we hear a lot so if if Filipe has a loving traditional housewi why would he need to do it right I think the world would be a better place if more women were willing to back down and just say okay I trust [Music] [Laughter] you you can't hear it but my heart is slowly shattering M this is good thank you both of you I think you have the chance of becoming a tradwife one day I think you have the chance you have the stuff I would say don't hold your breath fipo I actually can't think of anything worse than being a Triad wife why would be useless completely and utterly useless less it divorced me in a heartbeat okay go get ready for bed come on I think on a surface level we get on is deceptive you know the obvious elephant in the room is I'm a modern day feminist and Lillian and Felipe don't seem to appreciate modern day feminists I don't know if it's fair to say she's been brainwashed I think she believes that this is very much her [Music] choice Hi how are you morning how did you sleep yeah perfect thank you so much that's great that's great I noticed that Felipe and lilan have a fair amount of religious artwork and something tells me it's not just for show thank you Lord for giving to me thy great salvation so rich and free May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and The Fellowship of the Holy Ghost be with us all for many conservative Christians the father is the head of the family and Demands a level of discipline we try to be very about curating what they watch they strict rules so only Saturday morning is TV time they get to pick one thing and I pick one thing Transformers has made the filter because it's a very clear picture of good versus evil so biblical yeah in many ways that's right that's interesting so they're only allowed to watch TV on a Saturday morning and only if they've been good that week okay so the weeks where they're not good Lavinia what happens if you don't watch TV on a Saturday morning rock March what's a rock March you go on a march with something heavy on your back yeah why because we were nauy if you were naughty yes mind you it's not so heavy that they're like falling backwards that's I've never heard anything like that before so Lavinia what are we trying to remember when we carry that heavy book bag or rock on our back about Jesus Christ that's right cuz jesus carried a cross and so we carry a heavy thing to remind ourselves that you know that that the Lord made a big sacrifice for us and that we should be grateful and that great gratitude should translate into obedience and good comportment and love obedience is a core belief in the tread world and today lilam will be making the ultimate commitment when she renews her wedding vows tell me a bit about the vows when we first got married you remove the obay part and then right and then now that we are transformed to a New Vision we're doing the classic unwatered down vows so this time you're going to say that you're you're Keen to obey that's that's right I'm going to I'm going to vow it vow it to obey I just feel like I understand my role better now and that's what I want to promise him in my vows yeah you don't feel restricted you feel enlightened oh absolutely absolutely yes I wish I I would be able to if I could try travel and tell my younger self and somehow convince my younger self that you know maybe you should respect your husband more and submit to him the beginning of our marriage was quite you know we had a lot of disagreements and it was very unpleasant at times and I think it could have been avoided if you had have just been a bit more obedient if I were less [Music] rebellious lilan is cement in her commitment to becoming a tread wife by updating her wedding vowe welcome please be seated we'll see you soon we'll see you in there how feeling good great butterflies but good yeah butterflies are a lovely feeling yeah mean something great is about to happen yeah it was nearly a century ago that the church offered an alternative service without the bride vowing to obey the vica has reluctantly agreed to use the original version but doesn't want the service filmed it seems the Trad wife movement is a little contentious even to the oldest of establishments I lilan took thee Felipe to be my wedded husband to love cherish and to obey till death us D part and thereto I give thee my [Applause] TR I think the ceremony went as they planned it was interesting actually like the Vicor prior to the service starting there was a bit of a disclaimer he said you know some of this language may appear archaic and outdated but obviously felipa and Lilian wanted that language [Music] used all right welcome everybody we are so pleased to have all of you here it means a lot to [Music] us yes so you two are work colleagues yes yeah how much do you know about the Trad wife Trad husband movement it was never never anything that I'd ever thought about considered or even like aware of its existence um it was only when FIP starts talking about it in an office environment work environment that that everyone starts rolling their eyes going yeah we had that in the ' 50s stuff like that is Felipe a misogynistic lunatic M he has his moments when he will he will come across that way it's so completely out the norm that it appears that way if I tried that with my wife it just wouldn't it just wouldn't watch you do chores around the house then yeah of course I do course I do not enough did you hear that did you hear that find your wife not enough Sarah do I do chores at home yes he does I'm very lucky actually so you haven't been converted he's tried we are going to do a quick pub quiz about the couple here we go first question where did the couple meet I know this I see you googling over there they be doing that since moving to Britain 6 years ago Felipe and Lillian have found no shortage of friends many with similar ideals you met interestingly at work we did yes yeah it took liking to her and found her very intelligent and switched on and just and then he locked me up at home yeah then I married her history yeah the rest is history Elina has been one of the more vocal members of the tradwife community today I'm going to share with you five reasons why I love being a traditional stay-at-home housewife having created her own YouTube channel and appeared on various chat shows Elina was surprised at the amount of negative criticism she received [Music] I wonder if the feminists those that really oppose what you're about fear that you're undoing all of their hard work personally the only people that have come to attack me a young women who aren't married and don't have children my understanding of feminism is that it's about women being autonomous over their own lives making decisions that make them happy and by extension their own families so isn't that what we were fighting for we have the vote we have the right to work we should have the right to stay home people think my husband's in charge of me that's what people really hate the idea of the fact that it's really anti-feminist I don't rule my own life whereas actually I've got more freedom now than when I had a boss saying why weren't you here at 9:00 a.m. you know do you think there's a need for feminism there's a need for all human rights boys need rights too I think we've I think the tables have turned a little bit we're talking about girls a lot and boys are getting left behind a little bit you know it's kind of like slogans like the future is female I've got a seven-year-old boy he doesn't understand the Nuance of that and the history behind the future is female so he's going to see that and he's going to be like what about me you think we've gone too far the other way I just think it's become aggressive it's almost like become called to bash your man like oh men are useless men are good for nothing and and there's a lot of negative language surrounding men if I heard my husband talking to his m true terms about you about all of us we wouldn't stand for that no woman would stand for that so why are women doing it and getting away with it and why is it cool and [Music] glamorized some argue that the fight for equality is spoiling the Romantic connection between men and women others would say that by celebrating femininity tradwives are pandering to men's desire for dominance where do you want to go I you will see where you Le I follow [Music] yes here's your tea oh my God Lillian thank you you're welcome while playing Goosey on the couple's wedding night I find myself wondering just how submissive lilam really is when it comes to the bedroom department is it the same kind of setup what happens in our own bedroom I'm not willing to discuss but I'm willing to discuss generally the role that sex has in traditional marriages so in terms of relationships sex is sort of the most sacred aspect of that and it's not only sacred but it's the glue that holds relationships together the teaching is that the woman owns the man's body and the man owns the woman's body We Are One flesh and that's a Biblical term so we are not supposed to deny the other person if they want to engage do you think it helps it's helped your marriage and it's helped your sex life that Lillian always looks so together and so attractive it doesn't hurt that Lillian is quite attractive of course um but if you then add on top of that I'm a wife that is your biggest fan I'm a wife that wants to see you succeed and I'm not going to put you down in public it makes the desire more intense for me right I wonder if some married women i' be watching this thinking the last thing I want to do when I've been scrubbing the bathroom tiles all day is RI my man's clothes off where are they going wrong I think I think it comes down to getting better at it I had no desire or understanding of how to keep a house and I think it's taken many years now so you trained yourself to enjoy it yeah yeah pretty much I love doing the laundry that's my favorite thing to do now especially with my tumble dryer as my gift from last Christmas it was great do you make a a conscious effort to flirt with one another is that important of course yeah I get home and I grabb her rear end and I grope and things like that why not I think it I mean things just get better with practice so we just practice a lot it just gets better and better oh my God lilan good for [Music] you it's Sunday and Lillian is busy prepping for baby Augustine's baptism [Music] party did you want to bake some banana bread with me this morning we're going to cream 140 G of softened butter I think Livy is probably more capable than I am oh the next part is just another 140 G but of sugar so 140 140 is 280 in it so oh let's just tear it so hit the tear button oh fine that's how you use a kitchen scale this is so tragic oh do you miss any aspects of your old life your old self the things I used to Value about myself like being attractive being sexy being able to play guys like I I did not treat them with much respect and and once I conquered one I was ready to go into the next one and I think that's because the men that I met and dated were not masculine they were they were ready to gravel for me and turns out that's not what I wanted I have some old photos here but there's um this is an example of look at that my dissertation so yeah there's that professional side of me and then there was the frivolous side of me where I was modeling back in the day that's amazing you like that you would wear this one you look gray I would not look like that I'm not 510 I'm not 18 so yeah I was one of the larger group of feminists that like the idea of equality um and they want to have their own career they want to be their independent own woman so without Felipe I don't know if I would have turned from feminism so that could be interpreted in two ways either he's sort of shown you the light or his brainwashed you it could be but he's definitely I think he's kind of like my night and Shining armor which I think every little girl would love to have I swi they'll let you mash these up um so you prefer who you are now than who you abely I like that I'm able to think unlike the tried wife um stereotype of like Stepford housewife where you're just Mindless I think men need to have someone they can spar with intellectually at home I can't imagine any man or woman being able to walk over Lilian and her confidence shows on social media where she defiantly defends her tradwife stance you're quite bold on Twitter when it comes to feminism um in the past you've likened it to cancer mhm that's um pretty extreme it is pretty extreme yeah but I think feminism is pretty extreme as well wow what do you say to those feminists who are apped at your take on feminism I understand that they might feel like I'm being I am undoing their work but I do think that they are being duped into this fantasy of what equality means feminism I think does place the woman front and center me me me I I I is very selfish and is always trying to get the next thing we have to we have to win we have to dominate we have to have women CEOs dominating men in every business we need you know female presidents Prime Ministers and I don't know if that's making women happier I think the idea that there's genuine equality in the west is ludicrous to me yeah I mean I still feel like there's a long way to [Music] go do you think I should have my hair up or down maybe up up oh really okay I will 6-year-old Lavinia is helping me get ready for her baby brother's baptism you look pretty enough without me you look pretty enough don't break my heart it's in here right honey of course Lillian's wardrobe has been chosen for her I did want to ask you honey this thing should I wear it underneath it cuz it's like super vintage or not well let's see let's see it with and then I'll judge okay we'll step out and then what it looks like call us when we're allowed to have a look sure you picked this dress yeah I picked this dress specifically so um I bought it just to celebrate 10th year anniversary and our tread wife Evolution and if you really don't like something like you just think it looks ugly and it doesn't look feminine [Music] um what do you say I say that's not flattering I think you have outfits that flatter your figure better mhm things like that okay so this is with the um yeah like underskirt I like it with it you like it with it yeah I like it with it yeah what do you think what do you think you know I always think you look utterly beautiful the dress isn't totally my vibe but it looks amazing on you it's beautiful of course because I picked it obviously how should a woman look in your opinion which you're entitled to I would say a modest sort of style that accentuates her figure but not to the point of sexual attraction so nothing too provocative but just enough to show that she's got it going on yeah yeah yeah do you fancy Felipe every day what do you mean fancy um do you appreciate his Aesthetics do you think oh I hope you know I can't wait for later I don't know what that means um um I am attracted to my husband yes yeah and I'm very happy to have intimate moments with him yeah throughout the day would be great you don't have to wait until bedtime yes girl good for you but we can't while you're here so yeah I'll be gone tomorrow yeah I know I'm counting [Laughter] [Music] down very handsome boy I feel bad because obviously they wanted to have a good time last night which I totally get but unfortunately for them I'm directly next store so they can't really go for it and you know what it's like when you're trying to have sex quietly it's more hassle than it's worth Heavenly Father give thy Holy Spirit to this infant that he may be born again through our Lord Jesus Christ amen from what I've witnessed the Trad movement is undoubtedly entwined with faith shall we raise our glasses to Augustine who has today entered the church cheers cheers cheers though I tend to associate religion with patriarchal control none of the tread wives I've met over the weekend appear oppressed in fact they seem happy are you right sit down yeah so Jess and I do home educating together right so you're a tread wi yeah I would say I I would never I've never called myself that before but yes that's why I think we connected so well with Lilian you have so many of the similar values so is your husband the the head of the house yeah love this is Dan really nice to meet you Dan and you what does your role involve in in the home first and foremost we we're Christians so I kind of Define those roles by what God how God defines them it's our standard and it's and it's Pro proven through time you know like it's it's worthed do you think if you're um subservient and dutiful that's all it takes we're doing it for for the kids and we're doing it because I love you and I I want you the one working I'm going to accommodate you what's going to work he's happy because he comes home to cooked meal and well you know educated children and you know I it works it makes so much sense it's logical to me I'm 33 not married don't have children my career is really important do you think I'm going to live to to regret this existence I would say um your your ovaries are not you can't Botox them so they won't last forever but if you absolutely have an opportunity to do that have children because that is just the most rewarding rewarding satisfying and you can teach them and mold them and just don't miss that opportunity when you delve beneath the date gender roles within the Trad world there's a simple Mantra the women all seem to Echo it feels better being a good mom than having a good career the more time I spend with these tread wives the more it seems to be working for them you know both Lillian and her friend are saying we've lived your life Stacy and we've taken a different approach and we're much happier you know I can't ignore that I I know for a fact there will be women watching this that will be angry that I'm not being more assertive about this but I would say you know feminism it's it's about Choice they're grown women they're of sound mind so I can't you know I can't Bowl into their lives and say you've got this wrong and I want women to make their own decisions as long as they look like mine that's that's that's not how it [Music] works oh look at is Dear Miss Stacy so nice to meet you I hope you'll live such a loving life it's been such a lovely time I think I like all of your earrings I thank you and all of the jewels you wear I'm so touched thank you so so much dear Lord we thank you for this wonderful weekend that we've had with Stacy and father as we say our goodbyes we hope that lasting memories are left in our hearts in Jesus name we pray amen amen amen can you do the cross oh she's oh my God baby what are you crying for H is it cuz Miss Stacy's leaving Oh Baby don't cry if you're breaking my heart as my stay draws to an end I'm left considering the independent life I forged and if one day becoming a mom could change things there will be people thinking Lillian has conformed and she has compromised herself and you know you're wasting those Masters or you could have had this amazing career seemingly that's not what's important to her what's important the kids and she wants to be around every minute of the day for her children oh they were good thank you Lillian you're welcome of course I'm not going to become a tread wife I can't think of anything I would least rather than obeying a man what would your ideal set up be then Stacy and 11 Bulldogs because she ain't married she's got no kids and she's lonely in this massive house I must not knock any of these pictures on my way out fipe that would be a bad way to end the weekend thank you than you so much I than you for being here I I really really appreciate it have an amazing night this evening have a great day and I hope I hope Kevin enjoys the shirts you'll be ironing and and the cakes you'll be making the banana bread well actually I could make the banana bread yes you can make the banana bread yeah that's not yeah anyway I won't but um thank you so much see you bye Stacy bye bye oh good boy [Music] he

Channel: Origin

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Keywords: origin, full documentary, documentary, full documentaries, real life stories, real life, Full episode, stacey dooley, stacey dooley sleeps over, raised without rules, sediles, traditional, tradwife community, husband boss, boss of the house, full time mum, full time mom, parent documentary, parenting tips, parenting, parenting documentary uk, parenting documentary, stacey dooley documentary, stacey dooley sleeps over s2, traditional housewife, tradwives, housewives, housewife

Id: kUHCwYnryNg

Length: 43min 12sec (2592 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 16 2024