>> YOU'RE WATCHING THE
HISTORY CHANNEL. COMING UP AT 8:00, "HELL ON
WHEELS: HITLER'S SECRET SUPER CAR."
BUT NOW, IT'S "THE WAR IN WORDS: LETTERS FROM THE FRONT."
>> THE LETTERS OF ENGLISH FIGHTERPILOT WILLIAM MACINTOSH
OF THE ROYAL AIR FORCE TO HIS WIFE, LYDIA.
>> MY DEAREST LYDIA, EVER SINCE WE CROSSED THE CHANNEL TO
FRANCE, I HAVE SEEN NOTHING BUT DEATH AND DESTRUCTION.
YET IN THIS DARKNESS, YOU PROVIDE
LIGHT. THOUGH I MAY BE IN HELL, YOU ARE
MY PERFECT ANGEL. YOUR HUSBAND, WILLIAM.
>> DEAR WILLIAM, THANK YOU. LOVE, LYDIA.
>> MY DEAR WIFE, YOU'RE WELCOME. IN FUTURE LETTERS, THOUGH, IF
EVER AT A LOSS FOR WORDS, PLEASE FIND SOME.
FOR YOUR WORDS REMIND ME OF THE HOME I MISS SO DEARLY.
HOW I LONG TO SEE YOU AND OUR SON.
I EVEN MISS THAT RAMBUNCTIOUS DOG OF OURS.
YOURS, WILLIAM. >> DEAR WILLIAM.
I MISS OUR DOG, TOO. LOVE, LYDIA.
>> MY DEAR LYDIA. WHY DO YOU MISS OUR DOG?
IS HE NOT WITH YOU AT HOME? PLEASE SEND WORD THAT HE'S OKAY.
AND ALSO SEND SOME TOKEN OF YOUR AFFECTION SO THAT I MAY BE
REMINDED OF YOU AND OUR SON ALWAYS.
YOURS, WILLIAM. >> DEAR WILLIAM.
I AM ENCLOSING A LOCK OF MY HAIR.
HOLD IT CLOSE AND BE SAFE. LOVE, LYDIA.
>> LYDIA, DEAREST. PERHAPS YOU HAVE BEEN TOO
GENEROUS WITH YOUR GIFT OF HAIR. YOU HAVE SENT ME A VAST AMOUNT.
HAVE YOU SHORN YOUR HEAD COMPLETELY BALD?
CONCERNED, WILLIAM. >> WILLIAM, HA-HA, NO.
LOVE, LYDIA. P.S., GIVE OUR DOG A RUB ON THE
BELLY FOR ME. >> LYDIA, I DO NOT HAVE OUR DOG.
HE'S CLEARLY RUN OFF. AS IF THE DAY COULD NOT GET
WORSE, MY DEAR FRIEND CHRISTOPHER WAS KILLED ON
PATROL. THE YOUNG FRENCH WOMAN WHO CARED
FOR HIM IN HIS FINAL MOMENTS TOLD ME HE DIED HONORABLY.
A SHAME. LOVE, WILLIAM.
>> WILLIAM, SO WHO'S THIS FRENCH BITCH YOU'RE TALKING TO?
YOUR WIFE, LYDIA. >> LYDIA, MY DEAR!
THERE IS NO CAUSE FOR JEALOUSY. I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU, LOVE.
MY ABSENCE IS CLEARLY WEIGHING ON YOU.
PERHAPS A WEEKEND AWAY WOULD RAISE YOUR SPIRITS.
DEVOTEDLY, WILLIAM. >> WILLIAM, I TOOK YOUR ADVICE
AND WENT ON A LITTLE TRIP. AND WOULD YOU BELIEVE, THERE WAS
A NEWSREEL CAMERA AT MY HOTEL. I'M SPENDING A COPY OF THE FILM.
ENJOY THE SHOW. YOUR MOVIE STAR WIFE, LYDIA.
>> MY GOD, LYDIA! I CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT I'VE JUST
SEEN. YOU APPEAR TO BE PALLING AROUND
WITH ADOLF HITLER AND HIS FRIENDS AS
IF YOU WERE ONE OF THE GANG. WHAT LED TO THIS?
I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION. YOUR HORRIFIED HUSBAND, WILLIAM.
>> DEAR WILLIAM, OH, I SEE. SO WHEN YOU TALK TO SOME FRENCH
WHORE, IT'S NOTHING, MOVE ON. BUT WHEN I GO TO A PARTY WHERE
THERE HAPPENS TO BE A MAN, IT'S, "I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION."
>> YES, BECAUSE IT'S HITLER! >> I AM ONLY GLAD YOUR FATHER IS
NOT ALIVE TO SEE WHAT A HYPOCRITE YOU'VE BECOME.
LOVE, LYDIA. >> DARLING LYDIA, HAS MY FATHER
PASSED AWAY? THIS IS THE FIRST I'M HEARING OF
THIS. HOW DID HE GO?
ALSO STILL RABIDLY CURIOUS ABOUT THE HITLER OF IT ALL.
ANSWER, PLEASE. WILLIAM.
>> WILLIAM, I THINK YOUR FATHER DIED OF A
BROKEN HEART. HE JUST COULDN'T BEAR TO GO ON
WITHOUT YOUR MOTHER. LOVE, LYDIA.
>> MY MOTHER PASSED AS WELL?
DARLING, I DO NOT THINK WE SHOULD WRITE TO EACH OTHER
ANYMORE. BUT KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU AND OUR
SON DEARLY. GIVE HIM A KISS FOR ME AND TELL
HIM TO BE A BRAVE LAD. LOVE, WILLIAM.
>> WILLIAM, TELL HIM YOURSELF. LOVE, LYDIA.
>> WHY WOULD YOU SEND OUR 5-YEAR-OLD SON TO A WAR ZONE?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
The longer this sketch went on the more I was heaving with laughter, especially at the footage and PWB's faces. This and the Mid-Day News were hilarious tonight.