The Ultimate Test of Your Social Skills

it can be easy to imagine that we possess reasonable social skills because we know how to maintain conversation with strangers and every now and then managed to make a whole table laugh but his attest far sterner than this surprising in its ability to trip us up the challenge of having a pleasant time with a child we don't know theoretically speaking this should be so easy we were all once kids we know a great deal more than they do and as far as they're concerned we hold all the cards if we felt like it we could buy twenty six packets of biscuits and go to bed whenever we wanted yet in reality it's strangely hard to get at ease around children we're not already close to imagine being invited around your boss's house for lunch and being left alone in the kitchen island with her moody ten-year-old son or being introduced into a playroom with two shy five-year-old girls the children of a friend we may swiftly grow will during ly tongue-tied and inept the reason is that children are unable to do any of the normal things that ease social encounters between adult strangers they don't ask polite questions about what we've been up to they have no feeling for our lives or what might be important to us they don't do the news or the weather and they can't usually tell us much about themselves and their enthusiasms if we ask them why they like a toy or a film they tend to look blank and say they just like it that's all so for all their sweetness children present formidable and fascinating barriers to social fluidity which is also why they are the greatest tests for one's mastery of the arts of charm and kindness we have across cultural history a few moving examples of accomplished adults getting on well with children no tenure marked that he found nothing more notable in the life of Socrates the man who more or less began Western philosophy then that he was exceptionally gifted at playing with children and would especially in his later years spend many hours playing games and giving them piggy backs and it suited him well added more Tang for all actions says philosophy equally become equally honor a wise man ahi cat king of France in 1589 to 1610 is remembered as one of the most benign French monarchs who also happened to be very sweet around children on one occasion famously painted by argh the Spanish ambassador came to see the king and found him pretending to be a horse for his children to ride on rather than interrupt the game immediately aw he kept the Ambassador waiting a little while sending out a strong signal of where he felt sensible adult priorities should sometimes lie what's touching in these cases is that the adult didn't insist on using their obvious socially endorsed strengths around children Socrates didn't opt to deliver lectures about metaphysics or he cat didn't sit impassively on a golden throne discussing how to rule a kingdom they put aside their well known virtues and prestige in order to make themselves vulnerable as one must whenever friendship is at stake they dare to lay themselves open to attack by those who might have described them as silly or undignified implicitly understanding that friendship can only emerge when we let the fragile unadorned parts of us meet without artifice the fragile unadorned parts of others furthermore these two grand men knew how to find common ground with creatures who were in so many respects entirely alien to them Cosmopolitan's of the mind they imaginatively search for what unites rather than what divides people and were able to locate somewhere within their characters the joys and excitements of someone who's only been on earth a few years the socially adept know that we contain even if only in Crais embryonic forms all human possibilities within us which they draw upon to feel their way into the needs and points of view of strangers so even if they happen to be confident they will know how to be in touch with the more timid version of themselves even if they are financially secure they can mobilize their own experience of anxiety to enter into the inner world of someone beset by money worries and even if their careers have not gone well they can without bitterness find a part of themselves that would love to prosper and use this to engage really with someone whose professional life has gone very well indeed the moves that these grand people made with kids the ones we should all learn how to make with anyone of whatever age who we want to bond with but it's particularly useful that these were grand people who made neighing sounds for what so often holds us back around others and makes us cold when we deep down long to be close is a fear of a loss of dignity friendship begins and loneliness can end when we cease trying to press have the courage to step outside off safety zones and canned air for a time to look a little ridiculous did you know that the School of Life is actually a place ten places in fact campuses all over the world from Melbourne to London Taipei to Istanbul with classes and books and lots more please click on the link below to explore more

Channel: The School of Life

Views: 1,580,512

Rating: 4.8972931 out of 5

Keywords: the school of life, education, relationships, alain de botton, philosophy, lecture, talk, self, improvement, psychology, Alain, botton, social skills, socialising, community, thriving, entertaining, social, ultimate, the ultimate test of your social skills, school of life social skills, test of social skills, social skills test, school of life, ultimate test of social skills, 社交技能, habilidades sociais, habilidades sociales, soziale Fähigkeiten, Compétences sociales, सामाजिक कौशल

Id: p9Urng_hGF8

Length: 5min 30sec (330 seconds)

Published: Thu Aug 10 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/dysrhythmic]

Life pro tip: If you're a man, don't do it with kids whose parents you don't know... it might end badly.

Otherwise I think it's great and absolutely agree with the message :). It's not new to me but it helped me a lot when I started understanding it.

[u/BenjenStarkTheSweet]

Instructions unclear, kidnapped child getting arrested now...

[u/[deleted]]

yes, you might need those skills in prison after you get arrested for harassing minors or whatever shit their deranged parents might want to accuse you of.

[u/brideboy]

Lpt: dont be afraid to talk to kids if you dont know their parents. Especially if you are a male. Its time to break that stigma.

[u/[deleted]]

For any of you concerned about finding an opportunity, as a guy, to speak to young children, you could always become a youth work volunteer, if there is any such opportunity in your local area. I did that crap for two years at one point.

[u/Zach-uh-ri-uh]

If a kid walks up to you and starts talking..? Say the kid is 12 and you're 22? If it's a boy and you're like a kinda adult dude? Idk i think things might be different in my country, people in America seem a little more paranoid about adult-child relations. Like I remember in an American school where children and teachers weren't even allowed to touch like no physical contact was allowed it was weird