The Truth Of Social Bonds That FEED You VS SUCK YOU DRY - 4 Day Self Help Revealed (2 of 6)

let me ask you a question are you a 10% version of yourself yes or no what I'd say is that you're probably less than that that's my best guess and the reason why is because of the influences that you've been exposed to so let me put it to you this way anytime that you watch a nature documentary what do you see you see a bunch of animals that are eating each other let's say you watch an ocean documentary like Blue Planet what do you see you see then one fish eating the other fish eating the other fish and the other fish in the other fish in life what's gonna happen is you're gonna be exposed to external influences and most of the influences that you're gonna be exposed to want to leech off of you if you have any doubt about that simply watch planet Earth go watch blue planet do you think your life is any different that being the case let me ask you a question is there anybody around you who is leeching energy from you are there any foods that you're consuming that are leeching energy from you are there habits that you're engaged in that are leeching energy from you what is it about your day-to-day life that is leeching energy so right now if I say to you can you concentrate okay you get your mind present for even ten seconds can you come up with any brilliant business ideas can you lock in and focus on the things that would change your life such as building a world-class skill can you even get the nerve to walk up and talk to somebody who intimidates you and not act like a complete weirdo what's going on with you why are you this less than 10% version of yourself what's going on what I'm gonna explain in this coming video which is a preview of the themes from our new Forte self up event is that you are engaging with people in a way that is sucking energy from you you have not really audited your life and you don't have clear boundaries this is something that I know all too well even during my awakening what I experienced was very much a state of codependence a state that frankly is pretty embarrassing and I allowed myself to get entangled into many different situations to where I wasn't being at my best at establishing a boundary as a result of that I probably blew decades of my career try to make people happy trying to get in relationships that I couldn't make work and I didn't understand what was going on I wasn't awake to that what we have coming up is a four-day event and in this event what we're gonna be doing is auditing your life in great detail and getting you to flesh out what your life looks like in great detail because we've got to wake you up to this and as we wake you up to this what you're gonna find is that you incredible energy incredible focus and the ability to do things that you didn't know we're possible but to get you to that point we've got to understand what it means to have a boundary what we're doing here is we're going over the theory at the event I'm not going to talk a lot I'm not gonna be I mean I'll talk a lot but like I'm not gonna be doing seminar I'm gonna be doing exercises it's gonna be very interactive exercise heavy so you guys are gonna be doing like group work and a lot of exercises so like because I can teach you for example I can teach you how to talk and talk forever the way I do and I can tell you the theory behind it but I'd rather get you doing an exercise doing it in this video I'm gonna cover things that are very humiliating embarrassing raw painful aspects of things that has taken me years to wake up to and in spite of me doing so many things right and really locking in and honestly giving everything I have to doing the right thing because I didn't understand these few areas my life was a mess because of that it's such a pleasure for me to be including that in our new live event our four-day self up event and to help you with that because what I've been through on the positive side means that I understand what you're going through and I can help take you through a process to where you do establish boundaries and what you have instead of your current situation is you're in relationships where you're getting energy from it you're getting engaged with aspects of the world that are giving you energy you're interfacing in a way where your coming out is a net positive so as you watch this video just consider this as a theme of the upcoming event now remember with these videos these previews these are just previews of the themes these were just risks that I gave that will go so so deep on the themes but when you come to the four-day self up event we're actually gonna be doing exercises and continual auditing this is not gonna be the Owens show where I talk like in this video this is gonna be the you show so lay back and enjoy this preview of the themes from the four-day self up event and what you're gonna learn is what it means to establish relationships that are feeding you energy and then when I meet you in person at the event we're gonna go deep and get you on the right track let's do it I remember I had this one student and he was like this 55 year old guy from South America and and he was wearing this yellow cardigan this was this was when I was like in my early 20s and I had no personal boundaries so this guy he took my bootcamp and he just and like see now if I had a student terrorized me like emotionally terrorized me and be demanding an I would just tell them like just grab a refund and bounce like we're good bro just grab a refund we're good I don't need to be here you don't need to be here do your thing but what I was in my early 20s it was like I couldn't handle them like you know that there's always gonna be that one guy out of 500 who just is like toxic and so what happened was on the final day I was at this club called the world which is basically where Buffalo Wild Wings is now in Hollywood and I'm like how can I get this guy laid so I'm like maybe I'll start a mosh pit and I'll make it look like he's the leader of it so literally I'm like Ronald I'm like we're gonna do a mosh pit and like and and literally I start getting him jumping up and down and the whole back end of the club is like moshing and going crazy and finally I'm like yeah Ronald yeah yeah like all the and then and like finally I did that and then all these girls jumped on him for like two minutes and after they realized he's a creeper I you know they ran off but for that little bit of time he was the king after I did that now now I do that anytime I want but at that time I was like like in like 2004 what I innovated that I was like I literally just walked on water for this guy and still you know what he said he goes yeah I didn't get laid and he's like complaining and I finally pushed him up against the wall and I'm like listen you're a piece of you you're scum I got you in a mosh pit I'm like I've gone to the end of the earth for you what in the is wrong with you and finally finally he's like oh yeah tell me I'm bad boy tell me I'm a naughty boy I'm a bad boy I've been naughty boys yeah I'm scum no one will tell me that finally someone told me the truth and that's when I realized at that point I was like oh I'm like literally some people are just so negative that you can't even resonate with them if you show them anything positive they're gonna engage in this low vibration energy circuit with you and it's a lot like a narcissist and a codependent so when you study codependency you could literally see that a narcissist and a codependent there's a book called human magnet syndrome by Ross Rosenberg and what'll happen is it nurse it like this demanding narcissist will find a codependent and getting this kind of loop with them where the codependent is running through you know running through loops in order to in order to please the narcissist well here's the lesson that I learned from Evan pagan do you guys know who have been pagan is okay do you guys know yeah give him props right he's amazing okay well he I used to run a program called double your dating it was one of the founding programs this community and he later he later like David D'Angelo was a was a pen name for Edmund penguin so Evan he used to run double your dating programs now Evan he's a very giving guy he's helped millions of people he's changed the world but he also has this thing that I didn't have and that's called boundaries and so literally Evan is on this like an incredible flow at a seminar that he did called man transformation in like 2008 and there's about three hundred and thirty people there big crowd and I remember right in the middle this very powerful point he's making he I hear this like guy in the middle of crowd going David David right and it's so awkward right it's so weird and awkward not a place he's like David David and so David David dak I've been pagan he's like what in the heck is this and he's like what man and he's like I have a question you know and I'm sitting off to the side right I'm there as a as a colleague as another teacher in dating and I see this yellow cardigan put his hand up okay and I'm like this guy I haven't thought about this guy in years right is this guy right and he's like David David and at that time I still had my codependence to a great extent I probably felt like 10% of my code had been this but I've changed a lot so you know maybe a little more but I'll tell myself that so but you know I worked hard on it I studied Ross Rosenberg and like Narcis books and co dependables to get past my code offenders so basically what happened was mmm aka David II know him Evan he's like alright look man come to the front ask the question but if this is not something that will like you know benefit the audience or whatever you're gonna sit the down and of course that doesn't that doesn't intimidate Ronald whatsoever so Ronald like runs up I've never said a name of a pseudonym complaining about before so I've never made that mistake but I taught this guy like 15 years ago so I mean and he was 55 at the time so I'm sure he'll be fine Gibby hi Ronald II will be fine I bet you've never heard me on a pass student before that's like--that's you're not supposed to you know talk about on people it does so I up anyway Ronald okay so never gotten over it you're just later bitching but so [Laughter] nightmares in my mind like so anyway so Ronald comes up right and he's like he's like David the head Annie and it's I wish I could remember the exact question but it was something completely unrelated to what Evan you know was talking Evan aka David II was talking about and he's like you know what do I do look at this and Evan just looks at him with disgust and he's just like I was curious as he walk like he walked up from like kind of back of the room right so you seem kind of walking up it's like I've been in suspense like wow I wonder how Evans gonna handle this guy compared to me right there's me you know spending three days sucking this guy's just stroking his like putting it in my butt you know like Adam and now you're gonna do this now you're gonna show me this now you're gonna get this now you're gonna make them do this you know and I'm just like doing this for like three day like okay yeah please I can't get a bad review oh my god oh my god you know I call this right so finally like but you know getting this guy to Marsh finally getting into some weird kind of S&M thing with him at the end that left me feeling violated so so you know that was my oh I do you refunded the em to you by the way so anyway it was literally literally the only thing I got out of that was learning the mosh pit and learning about codependents and S&M so basically what happened was he he goes to Fred I'm like I wonder how Edmonds gonna handle this right like what was Evan gonna do here so Evan looks at him Eddie's look he just looks at completed commutes goes ronald sit the down right and he's like oh you know cuz he's probably used to me right Ronald's used to running like the little dancing monkey Owens gonna like handle all one on one Eddie is just like oh you don't need just like goes and sits back down Evan just looks at him and he's like you know it's crazy sometimes a man right like some people say that you see them get like introspective he's like some people it's like they're drowning and it's like they're just drowning so much pulling it people's feet they drowned and suck them down it's like sometimes it's like they're just yelling in desperation so loud that no one can hear them scream and basically what he's saying is like it's almost like he's so desperate so toxic so dark that people just get to the point they just can't even deal with it they're just like whoa like I don't even know what that it's almost like not to be like negative or mean but like almost like if you saw a homeless person on the street and it's like it's just their situation is so messed up that like maybe it's somebody who is partially having problems came to you and was like hey can you help me you might try to help them but like at a certain point they're just so much of a value suck that you just you don't even know what to do you're just like I gotta go you know you're just like out there and now it's how he followed this guy but it was funny to me at that moment I was like how come Evan knows to just shut this down but I feel this need to double down and double down and double down and double down and double down and I do apologize again for for you know calling out a student from 20 years ago again I've never crapped on a student in my life and I hope I never did I think I truly never will again and all commit to that now but it was just as sort of a funny standpoint because least certainly at least not by name so the point being is like what I learned from that is the first thing was I was like what what's difference between me and Evan like why didn't I know like what like why did Evan immediately just have this boundary he immediately recognized this is a useless like he could immediately see this is going nowhere and how come I have this need to fix people why do I have this need to make this right why can't I give up on this person and yet Evan not only immediately gave up on him it was just like basically just like grounding him a little bit and does that mean that I'm a more compassionate person than Evan or does it mean that he's a more compassionate person than me now what would be the argument that I'm more compassionate what's what's the argument that I'm more compassionate I didn't give up on him I tried I did everything I could but what would be the argument that Evan is more compassionate what do you think he gave what he needed not what he wanted but there's another thing too he saved his time to help others could you guys give me a hand for saying that okay save that's the right answer can you save this time to help others I if I would say the biggest regret of my life is that I don't give up on people it's a problem that I have and the reason that I don't give up on people is because I double down I can't accept because I'll see somebody screwing up and I'll know what the consequence are gonna be and I can't accept it I'm like I can't just let that person go and have their own lessons but what winds up happening is I double down double down double down so repeat after me don't double down on someone else say that instead double down on yourself okay and here's what I mean by that it's like take that guy wrong right I get it never name a student before but just take that guy Ron from almost two decades ago by what I kept doing was I kept doubling down so for me to just give him the refund rather than just saying hey man take your refund you're toxic I kept doubling down and doubling down w-well by the by the second day I don't want to do a refund and have him leave cuz then why did I go through that nightmare the first day I don't want to do that I don't want to have gone through that nightmare the first day if it's not if I'm not gonna make this pan out on the second day well now that I've doubled down on the second day what happens on the third day well I definitely don't want to lose it so now I'm digging myself into a pit but what's clear is I have no boundaries and the dynamic is skewed it's called the buyer-seller dynamic repeat that word after me the buyer-seller dynamic so what's happened is in Ronald's view of the world he views it like the 600 bucks that he gave me for a boot camp back then yeah when you like to do a six and roller boot camp okay but I'm like 24 at the time I've been teaching two years the 600 bucks that he gave me for a boot camp when I was a two-year t-shirt to him that was the value and I had to meet his expectations now at the point that I'm at I'm in a totally different situation because let me ask you this let's say right now if I'm running that if I'm running an eight-figure your sales business and I do a boot camp that does even 35,000 in sales that weekend do you think I make money or lose money what I'm teaching at boot camp I actually if you're counting it I make money as far as $35,000 in a boot camp but as far as what's called opportunity cost of that word with me opportunity cost I've changed my life situation by working and doubling down on myself like you know often times I double down the other person is bad but sometimes I do double down on myself and I've done that to an extent and by doubling down on myself and the places that I have I've hit a point where I built a business where I'm actually teaching boot camp as a hobby it's literally a hobby now here's where that gets interesting if I now have a student on a boot camp and I'm busting my ass now to be fair if I've the odd bad program I just I own it I go you know like one program out of 100 I'm like you know I man I probably done a little better you know we're all good let's just you know I'm gonna listen what you have to say all I've been refund you and if that's the case that's what a refund policies for that's probably me like you know if I taught a thousand hours of boot camp that's like one time a year or something like that no this is what a refund policies for I've no problem doing it but for the most part if I get a student who's being toxic and that student is being an and trying to engage with me on that level of this narcissistic codependent relationship here's what happens I just look at them and I go um look man I've done this in this I'm here to teach you to help you if you don't want to continue that's okay and what do you think is the reaction nine times out of ten I'm so sorry this is actually an awesome program I got in a bad mood it's my bad this is amazing I want to keep going I apologize and I'm like of course brother you know maybe they're going through a negative moment maybe they're just a little bit stressed I'm not there to judge it I'm not judging them at all I understand you know when you're when you're doing real transformation work you might freak out or panic so I just feel like maybe they're panicking a bit but in the past I would have owned that I would have gone no no please no no please because I hadn't doubled down on myself and set up my life to a point like I've got to be at a point where whatever I'm doing or teaching I could be making more money or making equal money doing something else like if I'm here in this room the way that I'm gonna carry myself in this room and the way that I'm gonna communicate with you if I know that I could be making more money or doing something more productive or fun if I wasn't here you're gonna feel that energy off of me in an entirely different way you're gonna view it like I'm sitting here doing you a favor and you're gonna be on good behavior but I'll tell you if this was me 20 years ago when I'm first teaching I would be nervous before the program see a lot of you guys in this room I don't mean to be weird here but I'm trying you thinking how many of you guys in this room you're actually nervous when you come up to me who feel okay but see when I was first teaching because I really needed it to work because I dropped out of school and stuff to make it work then I went back and finished but I need to work I'd be nervous in front of you if you were to see a brand new teacher they're nervous in front of you usually and because of that you're not going to value their time as much but here's where it gets really interesting and I want to be you know give you some more funny examples I remember this one time I went out and me and Julian we were out of the club and we met this one girl and I just remember how utterly uncivilized she was acting it was really really nasty stuff I was like how do you treat somebody like this is just a really nasty way to act anyway I was with Tai Lopez who runs a modeling agency maybe a couple weeks later or something and I remember me and Ty were sitting at this movie theater of the ArcLight in LA we're sitting in a table outside and a lot of time girls that work in in Ty's agency will come meet up at AI I don't remember this girl comes to sound and as I see her walking up I'm like oh there's that girl that was like acting so nasty and crazy the other night just like you know nothing like super bad but we were just talking and she was like just acting like really impolite and she sits down and she's like hi ty thank you so much I really appreciate it how are you doing and I'm like okay that is not the same person like there's this kid not be the same person how can this be the same human being that I'm just saying here's what I came to realize the behavior that you're gonna get from somebody is gonna have a range I want you to think of yourself and your range of behavior are there people who you act very impolite and uncivilized towards be honest is there anybody in your life who you act in a very impolite way to or even maybe a bit disrespectful be honest and if not full-on disrespectful then less than really awesome then are there other people who you lacked incredible - you know you're treating them like totally like you're thinking of what you're gonna say before you get there you're trying to that you're trying not to interrupt their time too much you're trying to be concise in what you're saying and you really value their opinion of you and so what you have is a situation where in your life and here's the key to it okay this is really key what I'm gonna tell you this is 20 years of mistakes that I'm gonna give you the answer to if I could have seen this 20 years ago probably would've been able to hear it but the point is if I could have heard it 20 years ago it would have been very I would add a very different life my life would look really different very different my life would be so different right now in fact if you were to look at me and you were to look at where I'm at in life for the good and the bad most of the bad is because of this one misunderstanding I could attribute this one failure that I've made over the years and I'm trying my best to break out of it my problem was I couldn't double down on myself I kept putting good money after bad I couldn't give up on people and I tolerated bad behavior without a boundary to the point and I'm gonna be really with you here to the point that things that I have tolerated have been so outrageous but if I were to tell you about it you would look at me like the biggest idiot you would have trouble even respecting me I have tolerated behavior whether it's a my dating life or whether it's my work life I mean I have had it where people have like I've seen it where like you know somebody might steal hundreds of thousands you know towards a million dollars out of my business and not only am I like look I forgive you I care about you I'll never speak bad and they're just on me and I just do nothing about it I have had it where girls will cheat on me and I forgive them and I say it was probably my fault and I let that happen I've had over girls I'm taking them out to a beautiful dinner that my class five or seven hundred bucks at Mill just treat me like crap and I just completely utterly deal with it and it when people first meet me they don't view me that way they see me as the persona but slowly but surely as they get to know me and they go over the boundary a little bit and go over the boundary a little bit and go over the boundary a little bit and I never draw the line what happens is they say there's say this after me familiarity breeds contempt now what's funny is eventually I have the boundary I just give up a little bit later than most people then she have a boundary and eventually I'll cut them out of my lives I don't think there's been more than one or two people ever that I have cut out that hasn't come back years later and been like this is the biggest mistake of my life what was I thinking how could I have done that what a waste that I did this I've never had a single ex-girlfriend and I'm not saying this to pride but I've never had a single ex-girlfriend that hasn't come back crying on hands and knees begging to come back because I do offer a ton of value but you want to know why they do that because I tend to fall into that familiar is that familiarity breeds contempt thing too easily I don't have boundaries they eventually act worse and worse and worse and ironically by me not having a boundary who am i messing over even worse than myself them they're the ones that wind up with inferior guys they're the ones that the ones that wind up in a less good situation and because I never had a boundary there they just weren't able to appreciate it and so what happened was with eben when Ronald came up and he just said sit down Edmund understood his simple truth he could read the play a mile away he was more aware than me and that in that area he's really good at this actually it's a strength of his evan has great boundaries and so eben got to a point where what he said was basically sit down because he knew this isn't gonna get any better this isn't gonna get any better it's gonna stay like this I had that same awareness recently with the story that I told you guys about all kind of broad-stroke this um remember I was telling you that story that there was like this really cool girl and kind of like a random fun thing we used to do is we jump in the bathtub at the end the day put on like some sea salt lamps or candles I know you guys are gonna puke and all this romance stuff but I liked it I like little romance you don't so you know I put on some candles I put on so I put on like a Cafe Del Mar Ibiza soundtrack you guys ever hear like cafe Lamarr soundtracks no okay anyway so they're pretty cool I've been to Cafe Del Mar in 2003 it's like this it's like it's kind of like chill hop music a lot of the best chill-out music they it's kind of like Cafe Del Mar branded okay so you know I'm sitting there like it's like they'll they'll pick the best artists and put in a compilation so I'm sitting there I'm listening my little cafe del Amaro music we put coconut oil in the bath we kind of slither around on each other and we clown around we just joke around and it's that's what I really love about dating right like having like those beautiful moments where you're kind of like you're on each other's team you know I mean you're on at that moment when you're on each other's team and you're clowning around nothing's heavy you're not getting you're not trying to kind of subtly manipulate each other you know on relationships will tend to do that we all do it right it's like this like subtle manipulation like this kind of like poison drip low-level power struggle of who gets to say what or made each other jealous or disappointed the other you know that part before all that where you just have fun with each other and I remember like I'd had a couple bad breakups and I finally hit a point where I'm like I got to draw boundaries right that was when I hit that point where I learned that if I just go out and like you know hook up with other people and stuff that the girl will actually come back funny enough like in a you know in a rotation and will actually act better I was beginning to see that so this girl here we'd had a lot of fun and we were about maybe a couple months in the relational that's easy when you start getting your first weird stuff and I remember I was sitting in the bathtub with her like we always used to do and she was kind of complaining and she was in a bad mood and kind of just whining about this or that and this had happened maybe a couple Tubby times in a row and I realized that moment like I told you the other day I asked myself can this ever be great like are we ever gonna go back to the point where we just joke around and she's putting her best face forward like she's gonna be her best self and then I thought to myself what is the actual net positive of this relationship I'm like the sex is really good she's really beautiful really be you know it like he even I want to be clear just cuz I teach dating that doesn't mean that when I break up with a stunning woman I'm not still like Oh like and I do it regularly I did I did it twice this week with two girls I would just like I just want to deal with it right now so you know both of them beautiful and like literally you know some of you guys probably know one of them and so literally like I like I let go one of them and it was actually the one that I let go this week it was like I just like the sex it just wasn't that passionate anymore I want to be friends with her but the sex just isn't passionate it's very like paint by the numbers kind of sex you know and I've already got a bunch of kids so I don't necessarily need to keep around some kind of comfortable relationship at this point of my life and I was just like you know I don't think the sex will ever be like this I want to be your friend maybe do some projects together but I don't I don't want to do this and I just let it go and that believe me when I do that like even at this point now where I'm at now there's still a part of me that's almost like floating above my body like are you really doing this dude what if you never get another one like this I still feel that I'm sure you all do you all feel it I get it you'll probably never stop feeling that I know you had a breakup recently did you feel that way in some ways when you cut it off really wow your girl is gonna do it's priests tombs of the unstuff - okay you're pretty cocky anyway so well that's good for you man well how long you been studying my stuff for okay so maybe that I'll take credit for not and that's getting yes yes no but like that's good that you that you're that confident but I think in my case like yeah even in this day when I let go like a really good one there is that little voice in the back of my head or I'm like can I get another one like this like I mean I know in your case you had kind of it was called a unicorn if I understand that correctly does you told me unicorn you got snow - unicorn is it's a girl who do threesomes with you your girl watch you put your and it participated that is something to think about because for you she would do that but for the next guy or the next guy she may not and yet ironically and here's what here's the crazy irony of this her heart will ache for you in ten years more than the next sort of you up okay her her heart will ache more for you I predicts just guessing here I'm totally right though so I'm okay her heart will ache more for you in ten years then the next guy who she wouldn't be a unicorn for ironically because she with you she doubled down unfortunately this I mean this is bad to say but like this this would actually I mean this is more than me taking her side now if she were my client but you are so I'll tell you would you want to hear but if she was my client that I was advocating for her side of it I'd be like I'd be telling her look at this look at this kiddo you know you you even let him hook up with other girls in front of a man he still left you no offense you know I mean right but I'd be like it didn't even work heard tumbling down on you didn't even work I mean you tell but think about it you would tell most women you would say to most women if you'd even let him hook up with other women with you you'd think he'd say right but even that wasn't good enough you're the version of like my girl who I would like fly around and like be monogamous with and then she still dumped me or not dumped me but acts so bad I'd have to dump her so I kind of view it like she's dumping me you're you're the reverse if in her next relationship she doesn't even do that because she doesn't feel the need to be that much putting her best foot forward she won't be doubling down and then ironically because she's not doubling down she'll probably treat that guy worse but she'll probably be more problematic and prone to emotional outbursts she'll probably give me a sec bro she'll probably more prone to emotional outbursts she'll probably more prone to bad behavior disrespectful behavior and not even give as much to that guy as to you and then ironically when that ends in ten years she'll remember you more than she remembers that next guy that actually treated her better okay let's do that we'll see how it goes but I predict I don't tell you why we always remember the ones that we gave everything we had and they just couldn't see it and we crave that approval we crave it right look I'm still bitching about Ronald 20 years later I'm like Ronald Ronald you know Ronald I gave him every I did a mosh pit for a man in a cardigan you know that's like you with like like she's like I let him another woman in front right I'm like he didn't wash in a cardigan he did it weird that's a man thing with the mirror I became a Dom with another man who is 25 years older than me at the time you know right like like you know I always remember that one you think you think Evan pegan remembers ronald know I've been gonna be watching this right now he's like who's this you don't ready to be rewinding it like what happened he's like this sounds hilarious what did I do me out you know and here's what's funny I put down three full days and still got a refund I still got refunded see that's the best part is like even when you keep doubling down it doesn't work if I told you I'm like Danny we did the mosh pit and then he didn't do the refund you know then you'd be like well maybe then you'd there'd be an argument for doubling down but it's never like that what happens when you double down is the power dynamic shifts and shifts and shifts until there's no real estate left and then you're just begging for and here's where it gets really crazy - okay this is where it gets really nuts I've had it where like there's so many times we're like you know say it's my own team I want to keep the guys together so bad and I'll just be getting pushing on and pushing on and pushing on and pushing on and giving up more and more and more and more and I don't literally find myself sitting there like preparing a presentation for that person that I work with to like keep Lots working together and like showing them stuff and like it's gotten so preposterous and like partway through am like what am i doing what am i doing I offer so much value but here's where it gets skewed and this is the key to the whole thing the doubling down is a Chinese finger trap the more that you double down on others and not on yourself what then proceeds to happen this again this is the key to it all is that you don't have the time and energy the RO that that ROI you're not getting a return on opportunity cost you guys know the idea of opportunity cost when you're sitting there begging that person to like you and putting in all your emotional energy time capital mental capital feelings capital love capital energy count all that stuff that you're putting it in you don't have time to become who you could become so here's what happened when I broke up with that one girl that was being really nasty so that girl again I placated placated placated placated placated placated I remember at the end and I'm not proud of this okay not proud of this I'm just trying to save you guys time and energy not proud of this what I'm gonna tell you this is pretty bad stuff try to not lose respect to me I think at the end I bought her about twenty thousand dollars in clothes and I did that because earlier in the relationship I had her in a rotation and she stood by me later I was working a lot didn't have a lot of quality time to spend with her and she stood by me but then progressively later she became worse it actually became worse I saw her acting worse and I was kind of thinking about I was like man she was a really good girl for a long time I know I've never even bought her anything I want to do something special so I started buying her like a lot of just really beautiful stuff and just going over above and beyond and about two months later she dumped me and she dumped me after I took her on a beautiful boat ride at Miami I asked her to hold a kombucha she said what do you think I am one of your slaves or fanboys I'm not holding your kombucha dump me later and then later when I call her on the phone said what's going on she's like you never even buy me anything I'm like I just brought you to Miami for summer we spot you 20 grand in clothes I'm saying this to you too because many of you whether on your own or by studying the cart like for all you guys for example that are you gonna come take the self out of course I'm gonna show you guys how to make as much money as I can physically show you a lot of you guys are gonna make a lot of paper and when you do that don't fall in this trap don't do it and I even saw it where a buddy of mine by the way at that same time who is also really really wealthy real by the way his business makes 10x what mine does older guy but still very attractive dude to a woman for sure he got to the point where he had bought his wife and again this is guy that could get girls no problem and and it could have it could easily have his choice I mean to be fair if you want to be really nasty and blunt again like I just tried to like be real I don't mean like I fed anybody like at the by the time of how much money he's spending on her he could have been like if that was like the route he wants to go that girl was like 36 37 although very attractive he could have been buying a different sugar baby every day three times a day for the amount of money he was spending on her I'm not trying to be rude I'm not trying to be like NASA I'm not I don't do that I've never ever paid for sex with somebody I just met I've only ever spent money on somebody after we're been in fact we've been intimate and usually quite a while after but the point is like like you know if I've been dating a girl for you know a year I'm not like you get no food like you know I'm not like a jerk about it but the point is like like I'm not a jerk about it but like he literally had bought her this beautiful car he'd got her tons of plastic surgery I mean probably I would have guessed like fifty or hundred random plastic surgery he was flying her around on private jets taking her to private islands and I remember even even this guy's a very attractive guy but by the end of it he was like like when they were arguing a lot she was getting more disrespectful more disrespectful and I remember he said to me he was like well first of all it scared him to break up why I would have to assume because look imagine if you spent a hundred grand on plastic surgery for a girl she was already pretty attractive but he just took it to do this whole other level do you want to give up that hundred grand a plastic surgery then he was even saying things like well if we break up you know like all for sure like let her keep the Ferrari because I mean that's only fair like it like look how skewed this is but to him this was real to him this was real there was a girl who I used to do threesomes with who I later who later broke up with me actually and this was when I was a lot younger and I'd never paid a dime for her you know when we first met we had an awesome fun one-night stand we were seeing each other for a while I was not exclusive with her didn't pay a dime on her probably didn't spend a dime on her for a very long time she had her own job but we went up dating for a couple years and later even in our relationship I went up spending some money on her and I remember when I broke up with her or she she broke up with me actually I was saying these are a lot of just embarrassing experiences I mean I'm just sharing this we can learn from it right are you guys learning for my misdeeds er okay thanks a little encouragement is not fun stuff so basically yeah this is really stupid stuff I'm not proud of it so what happened was she when she broke up with me I remember I kept saying to my buddy I'm like you know at this point I'm like traveling or everywhere I got her a boob job you know I got her all these nice clothes and I kept looping on how much I was doing for her and you know my buddy said to me he goes Owen it's not that she's losing the travel and the money and stuff she's losing you and I said I was like no no I mean yeah yeah you know she's losing me too but you know like I travel her all around and like we just went to like date with destiny together and that cost like seven thousand dollars like she's not gonna gets good educational trainings anymore and like we're like really good license she's gonna lose all that she's got a crappy life after me and then he goes Owen she's losing you and I was like again that same loop well one my buddy was going through that with his girl who he spent like hundred Rand on surgery and we bought her a Ferrari and did all this he kept going on and on about how she wouldn't have as good of a life without him I was like bro she's losing you you're a brilliant entrepreneur who's passionate who's an alpha male who can get tons of other more attractive women she's losing you bro that's the problem when you have you guys ever heard me ranting and raving don't use money it's not the money thing now does that make a little bit more sense now the money is it introduces a toxic elements into the relationship now this is not devolving into one of these raw raw girls like jerks thing I'm not suggesting that in any way this is not a conversation about being a nice guy versus a jerk at all what do you guys think this is a conversation about the word starts with an ayah investment say that word so the thing is the more that you invest and double down on them you're not doubling down on yourself so let's then finish that other loop that I figured out once I was no longer monopolizing all of my time and energy on that one girl and buying her twenty thousand dollars and jackets and whatnot again I was like totally the opposite of that for the first half of the couple year relationship but but then later I felt bad because she was kind of a rider died sad girl and then I switched my vibe up well what happened was I started doing parties now with that five six hours a day that I was spending with her what did that free me to do in terms of time and energy it freed me to start going out with higher regularity instead of me spending my time on a relationship that was in a downward spiral what did I do well I spent my time working on my body working on my health working my business a big one was just hanging out with friends again just hanging out with my friends again who I hadn't been in touch with doing things that made me feel happy hiking it really just became all about me but then the big one if I'm just being real is the social media and the party's like just going out work in my social skills social media and parties like if you if you took away all of them and you just had that you'd still be like killing it but the more wholistic you can do it the better in my opinion too so it'd just be very careful because again guys will all tell you that if you just work out and work on your business building they will come and all these like beautiful people are gonna come chase you down like as if they can psychically know you're doing this it doesn't work that way you have that what's call to reach say the word reach right so going out because you reach you can have the best product in the world if there's no reach and no one's seeing it it doesn't matter what you have so it's not quite like that this investment thing is so crazy and one of the main reasons that we invest too much is we are we don't know how to do lead gen that's the main reason why we don't have ration we don't have lead gen that's why again more like shame of Owen stuff I'm not proud of do you want to know one of the major reasons I've tolerated horrible back-end staff over the years is because I'm working so hard to do the things that I love to prep these events I don't want to do hiring I have had staff members that were so utterly incompetent so utterly insubordinate and I'm not even like a guy that would even use a ward like him so like I wouldn't even know what the word insubordinate means I mean you guys have probably seen an example me doing seminars where I'm running around at the back trying to see if the cameras are pointed well if you guys ever see me doing that at my events did it ever sink in do you like maybe this guy sucks as a leader like why am i paying guys all this money and they can't even point the camera properly and they're not fired I mean like okay you know how I like don't teach business you guys never noticed I don't teach business but you know how you just watch me do a couple hundred thousand in sales this weekend and I've done over a hundred million in sales in my life and yet I don't teach business you want to know why cuz I kind of suck I'm actually a really crappy businessman I really am I got a big heart I don't know how to fire people I I can't stand firing people I'll get abused through the ass for years and then what I do is I'll spend years and years just trying to get some person who's never gonna get it and I make them believe that they will that they can get away with anything I will be sitting there as they roll their eyes at me what I asked them to do basic things while they're being paid six bigger paychecks to do a really fun job or more I mean because of myself there's there's like many many people with six and seven-figure paychecks with the you know being synergistic with work I've done and the majority those people think I'm a freaking and you want to know why that is cuz I let them people are gonna think of you whatever you let them think of you your standards are your standards now this happened to me in many ways because I was always just focused on teaching but the big thing was what I would have like say it's like a cameraman who's blowing it I just think it's really boring to have to go to hiring and I find that no matter who I get to do the hiring is they never quite get the person I want so I wanted having to do it but look where I fail there as a businessman I didn't train somebody properly to do hires properly okay it's a problem in corporate structure so because of that I don't want to have to go hire a new let's call the camerman so then what happens is what do I do with the existing cameraman I double down I double down I double down I double down now in my mind what do I think that I'm doubling down on that cameraman what do I think in my brain what's that in my mind I'm thinking they're gonna get better they're gonna up what's the word I appreciate it say that with me they're good appreciate it but in reality do you want to know what they're thinking they're thinking this guy is getting rich off of me my work is making him rich and he's lucky that I even do this work is what they're thinking and they interpret it that way because they interpret the doubling down as you needing something from them it's not in their mind that you're a codependent it's not in their mind that you have weak boundaries it's not of your mind you're a giving compassionate person they're literally viewing it that you that um you know that you're that you're getting too much out of it meanwhile they you know the cameramen are all like listen this that's like it but anyway so yeah so anyway I just can't I love you guys so anyway so look here's things so that's how they take it well let's take this in your dating life as well okay so if that person you're dating is acting really really terrible and you just tolerate it do you think they're thinking wow that's just a really nice person no they're gonna interpret that in most cases if we're just being real I'm not trying to be mean I'm not this is not a rant this isn't being negative this is being positive by looking at what goes on and finding solutions and loving yourself okay this is about self-love it's not about complaints and it's not about the jaded self-love either right there's interesting real self love and jaded self love like the solution of this isn't like like like my my conclusion of this isn't so in conclusion people don't appreciate you being nice and people are crap that's not my conclusion here my conclusion is people are pretty awesome when you love yourself and have some boundaries okay so that's what I'm gonna lead you to here but I'm gonna give you more specifics if it's a great question ask it Thank You Man respect me though respect me respect me well here's two things I would say first of all in your guys minds you think I'm Owen this guy on this different level but no one gets no matter how many times I tell them I'm no different than you there's no difference between me and you none also another thing to keep in mind is this if you look at me what makes me an interesting teacher is in many ways I'm almost like this big jack guy but who at one point weighed 105 pounds and so all the muscles that he built up are really big but any little muscle that he missed is super small because he was naturally small so you'll see me have all these really cool abilities but any little area that I didn't address is a problem does any you guys feel like that way in your own self oh yeah thanks so yeah any little area that I missed because I came from such a damaged place any area that I met so like I can learn all the dating stuff approaching all that but if I don't go do the type of stuff that we cover in transformation mastery that genre I am totally in trouble so that's why we got into that stuff so and there's many other areas too like for me studying say Ross Rosenberg and learning about codependence I probably watched like 200 videos from that guy just and it was like just speaking my language I'm like oh that's what I did that's what I did that's what that's why I did it that's why I did it that's why I'm like you you guys are sitting here in this room you got to understand you guys looking at me as a teacher is like a joke to me 99% of my time is spent as a student just like you then I study said he said he said he said he implemented look at the pitfalls bad and good and then I share it that's all I'm doing I'm not a teacher I'm a student but you guys will think of me as a teacher cuz you don't see me as a student because if I posted my social media I'll be just reading book for eight hours it's boring so my social media will be me rocking a crowd it's also is my social medias business oriented so I'm showing the stuff that works for my business so anyway um yeah I mean like another answer I'd have for you too is like whoever said that if you suck that you're gonna like easily fix this I and I know you didn't ask that but like I've never when I tell guys like you could date really attractive people you can get your socialist like all that I've never said that like it's just like that like this is a lifetime commitment of getting it down but the cool thing is when you learn it you appreciate it you have real appreciation but anyway I'll tell you what I learned and how I've since come a long way so those are problems that I've had in business and likewise I've had it where I've done better so let's look at some of the things that I learned to do better so same thing in relationships I get sucked into it usually in my case the way I get sucked into relationship is I'm like a big baller boss for the first you know six months or a year then the person is really nice to me I start to kind of get a soft heart and then I kind of put and then I start to put up with more that's usually my pattern like at first I'm like I'm like ice in my veins kind of thing right but later I get a soft heart cuz I see them really trying and I'm a coach myself and like they're really trying and you know I want to reward them and then I go down this slippery slope so basically what happens is the principal investment the way that it works is that in most cases the average person is not going to interpret over investments as you try to help them the good interpreted that you want something from them and that they have the power in that relation now unfortunately what begins to happen is as you begin to invest you're you're burning what's called opportunity cost so that words me again so here's the main key of it here so as you burn more and more and more opportunity costs you are not developing you're not developing optimally and what begins to happen is because you're not developing optimally people begin to resent you and disrespect you with every single person who's disrespecting you and resenting you you're having to double down on to fix that relationship so now you're juggling all these balls and you're hardly able to keep them keep them all going you can't keep all the plates spinning now as you're spending all that time doubling down on those relationships and trying to fix them you could have been using that time to improve here's the key people have a different face a different version depending on the value of the person they're talking to if you would have doubled down on yourself they would have treated you different now some of us are spiritually elevated and we'll treat everybody the same from the rich guy to the homeless guy but the average person who you're gonna be engaging with is gonna have completely different behavior how do you know go to the Playboy Mansion party back when you after it was live that same person that would be pissing on the floor at your party is gonna be like Hello mr. Hefner couldn't meet you at that party it's a different version in the same way I want you to think of any ex that you've ever had and think of her behavior towards you at the start when she was really into you and think of how she thought of you by the end particularly if she threatened to leave and you begged who here has ever had a shocking change in behavior from little princess to a demon once you do that and it is shocking it is traumatizing it is shocking it's quite shocking because you're like you think of all these tender moments that you spent with the person and all this and you're like what happened what is it you have a question about this whether got to be loud it's got to be a really good question yeah okay something I asked a question is that question honest answer I'm asking you guys is that question related to our topic or no yes or no okay so there's your answer learn to go with the vibe have a seat Thanks so basically what you have is without bount but I to answer you after cuz I'm a codependent so what you basically have so so basically what you have is and it's oh okay so basically you have is this so you're you're putting time into another person and the failure that you have it's called a failure to audit your time so say that with me failure to audit your time or say failure to audit my time failure to audit my time so what happens is you never realize the act the real cost of all this placating and resolution work that you're doing and it also begins to affect your self-esteem so sitting you in a self esteem level it's hitting you in a play at your burning time you're burning energy also that person may feel more comfortable and secure if you're more mediocre version of yourself so then you even allow yourself to fall to mediocrity in order to placate to them and by the end of it they run off into the sunset because the doubling down never kind of like I was teasing you about the threesome thing the Unicorn thing it never works I've never seen it work it never ends well and that's what I'm saying but I had that bathtub experience when I was with that girl were in the tub and I said to myself there's two paths here when a fork in the road either a I can accept all the good fun emotions that I got for the first couple months of this ended now and literally if I end it now I will have had a nine to one ratio of good to bad experiences but what happens in most relationships is that it starts off at ten to zero when you first like each other then it goes 9 to 1 8 2 to 7 2 3 6 to 4 5 to 5 and by the time you're done it's a 10 to 1 negative positive and you literally forget why you were even in it you can't even remember why you got into it I kind of had that experience with with my dating company right when I first got into it it was like you know I was with my friends and we would be out at the club doing approaching people and talking to people working on social skills having epiphanies we were teaching everybody would want to come teach late I just love teaching but towards the end of it it got to a point where I wasn't even getting time to do my live events anymore which is what I really liked about it I wasn't getting to go out with my friends anymore most of lived in different cities and I was mostly just managing helping other people to do sales so this is kind of funny like take that I'm helping another instructor say that I helped them to do a $700,000 product launch so I made them do that right well in their perspective they're like man I just if we're splitting that 50/50 I just may help you make three hundred and fifty thousand dollars but every product launch that I ever do does a couple million dollars so I don't even need to do that now that's a simple example where I said wait a minute look at what I'm doing wrong now here's the key though they don't want me to do that do you guys understand that they don't want me to do that what do they want me to do they want me to train somebody I'm the one that blew it not them they want me to train somebody to help them with those tasks I maybe intervene 5% but I train somebody what I know to help them and then what has to happen is I should be growing my brand I should be that hundred million dollar brand buy 40 and then what should happen is then they should be able to look at me with admiration and respect that they're connected to me have you guys ever seen it where I've got like these your two that I barely released videos you ever seen that what do you think I'm doing in that time I'm running around trying to help everybody to get their stuff out input and prepare but what I should have done was I should have had a boundary and I should have you know I should have been training other people how to help them and then growing my thing that's what they wanted they didn't want me to do what I did if you're dating somebody they don't want you to just keep placating them they want you to be your best self and to manage your relationship with them in a way that has boundaries because they're gonna look you're if you've got a kid your kid is gonna want to stay up late you're just gonna want every cookie your kids could might want to get a tattoo but they don't want you to let them do it they're just kind of testing the boundary if you've got a significant other they're good at test the boundary if you're working with someone they're gonna test the boundary if anybody that I ever worked with their day to test the boundary and I caved and later it shifted the buyer-seller dynamic it shifted the frame too much you've got toxic that wasn't their fault I'm not blaming them or being jaded or bitter plenty of people have business partners who don't act like that plenty of people date people who don't act like that if I've had a number of different people I've worked with or dated who acted like that what's the common denominator in this equation anybody getting that census you're hearing me talk right now like maybe it's not them maybe it's this guy so as I was learning this I began to realize I've got to audit my time and what you have to do is you've got a there's these two sides to it that's really here this is two sides one side of it is that there's a joy in giving I am the person that I am the speaker that I am the person that I am because I'm a giver so there's a joy in giving and people who don't get that are missing out people that are always making everything in this weather it's a zero-sum game or asking what am I getting out of it they're never gonna have that joy of being a giver and they're missing out they'll never be spiritually out of place that they could be at but there's a flip side to in spiritual growth what you'll learn is that every truth is but a half truth say this with me every truth is about a half truth there's say there's always the other side of the coin say it's always a paradox okay literally everything in spiritual girls life itself it's always a paradox there's another side of the coin every truth is about a hat truth if you read the book the Cabal Ian they talk about that you could you could dig a little deeper they're good agree or disagree because certain things here I know for sure other things a little more debatable but I would kind of I would kind of go with that you know I would kind of go with that one so while on one side you basically have it where yeah giving is amazing and I've grown through my giving there's another side to it which is called hot boundaries and what happens is you actually wind up giving less when you have less boundary where when you don't have boundaries like no matter how much I may want to give whose existence is a higher net positive mine or Anthony Robbins maybe not to you personally but to the but to the sum total number of people who is impacted more people myself for Tony true I keep it real right I keep it real like when I when I come up here bragging and boasting about certain things I could do I I've worked hard to do those things but there's a lot of areas I'm working on myself so that being the case a guy like Tony he's gonna be able to affect more people because he's done more to build his own thing so be careful about being a charity now here's essentially what's gonna happen to you and I think this is a major takeaway from it in your dating life here's what's gonna happen you're gonna get certain skills and as you get these certain skills you're gonna meet incredible people and the dynamic will usually have a certain momentum right after you met them there's a momentum to that dynamic right after you met them because you met them and it was fun there's some momentum to it that you'll keep easily for the first few months you've read it where you've added a new person and you know the dynamic was really fresh for the first several months okay but then what's gonna typically happen in most cases is they're gonna test boundaries and if you're not old and wise enough and you haven't been around the block a couple times and seen what could happen they will push the boundary a little bit you'll allow it to get away from you and another really big thing is you won't set the frames from the beginning say that after me set the right French the beginning that's right from the beginning you will learn over time that you don't realize it you think when you're the beginning of any new relationship whether it's work or romantic you're gonna think that you're kind of in the stationary spot you don't realize you're actually in an inner-tube in a river and you're going down and there's these different Forks that you're crossing and for you to actually get back to that fork you'd literally would have to swim against the current as rocks and sticks hit you in the face sad a free intern working for me and then I say you're gonna work for free and in exchange you get to come to an event or something that right what if I were to say to any of my staff here like John John how long have we been working together okay well how about in our SD as a whole 2013 John I got an idea how about instead of getting paid you become an intern okay he just got a raise okay so anyway look but you don't you see no but John let's be real to make this real what would you really say if I stopped and came to you and said you're gonna become an intern little disappointing and and is that to say the least or is it just maybe only a little disappointing okay he'd say that okay so you see the main idea right so but here's what's funny okay now let me put it to you this way John how about this what if I'd said to you that you're gonna be an intern and in exchange for being an intern you would get to come be a part of certain events maybe those events you could do networking for some other business that you're doing maybe you'd wind up meeting high status people maybe I'd be inviting you to certain parties that I'm doing that I let insurance come to you're gonna keep a regular job so you'll make your money through that but maybe you contribute a little bit a week as a free intern and you do that on an ongoing basis to get on calling new connections parties access to events maybe I sort some girls your way you know stuff like that you see I'm saying now what if I'd made that agreement early and then you'd had time to plan for it so therefore now you could plan around it okay do you guys see the difference there so there's agreements that are getting made they have to be win-win but there's agreements that are getting made by default but see here's the thing what if I said that to you now that you've been working on a paycheck and to be fair you already get to come to I parties you already get to meet most of my business connections you already been at so many my events super I don't need to see any more would you agree to that now thank you John that's him trying to make sure I don't get it mad or anything like that look the answer let's be honest by it would be harder to agree that with a more accurate answer be no yeah okay so he's a very nice guy so it's basically it's no right so you know so I'm trying to make it real to you I'm trying to try to like I said I try to keep it real so if we're keeping it real there's agreements being made early on and frames being set and you can get people to do to agree to almost anything if they haven't if they have time to process it they have time to consider it if they determine it to be a win-win for them and if they can see how they're not being disrespected or their boundaries are being messed with because part of why John wouldn't agree to that it's also a personal boundaries thing right it's like there's an instance that we have as human beings that if we made an agreement we can't allow other people to break those agreements later on down the track it's just a common thing it's just the way that it works right so that being the case there's an instinct in people so you've got to be aware that you're getting those agreements once you've been around the block a couple times you're gonna learn how to make agreements early on okay you're gonna learn how to make those agreements because you're gonna see where bad agreements mess you up and you're gonna learn how to make the right agreements also and here's the other side of it if you're doubling down on yourself your value will raise you will raise in your value which means that your base of power is higher which means that you can get a better agreement and the problem is unfortunately is when you meet someone who you really love but you haven't been around the block a few times you'll often make a bad deal that's number one you'll make bad deals on the front end there's a bad dynamic established because you're so excited about it you're running into it headfirst you haven't been around the block enough time so you don't even know what you're getting into then from there you don't have enough value and usually what wins that so then you you're not even agreeing to a good deal because you're because you haven't been doubling down yourself so you have enough value and then from there what happens is when they start to pull away because you've been doubling down on them and putting your time into them we're too afraid to lose our investment um is there any poker players in here could could a poker player who's articulate and loud stand up and explain the actually could could any poker players come to the front and explain this this idea of cutting off a losing streak cuz this is really really powerful okay so come to the front do you guys have that mic cuz I want everybody here it John since you are being paid I'm kidding do you have the mic just joking okay so run show me a run show me your best friend okay so basically what you have explained to them oh great explain to them and I think you already know what I'm getting it I probably don't even need to explain aright what happens in poker when somebody starts losing and then they just double down and double down and they they completely lose they go into a frenzy and then they just get cleaned out explain to them what happens and how you have to learn to avoid it first explain what happens then explain how to avoid it the discipline of it so they probably go on tilt which is like ladder ladder they go on tilt which is like they they get very mad at the players by their like by their verbal by verbal and also like could be like yeah verbal attack and stuff and I think to avoid it is to be a man and control yourself okay how bad can it get if somebody starts losing and doubling down how bad yeah very bad how bad they're like white what kind of things happen sucks have you ever just fleeced yourself yeah completely I was trying to like earn a little bit extra cash umm I got like a little side money from DJing I'm sorry I guess um I got a little sign money from DJing like about 300 bucks just went in and I just kept making what all the wrong deals and he just kept going down down and I just kept convincing myself okay now this time now this time now this time it's gonna go back up and it just the funnel just keeps going down and just keeps getting worse and so you hit absolute zero some cases in debt ya in debt to they'll even start calling in loans yeah I totally agree with it got it anybody else who plays poker that's more to add to this come to the front add to it if you want I just think it's such about this concept in poker it's um this thing of thinking good money after bad is so relatable to relationship where it's getting more and more toxic and and you just can't accept because here's the thing if it's getting worse and worse and you've had all these arguments in toxicity and then you were to end it now what would it mean about all these issues you've had what would it mean it would mean that you're a dumbass it would mean there wasn't some big point you want to share yeah I think in psychology that's called the sunk cost fallacy mm-hm where the more you lose like it just keeps on going further and further down got it anything more to add to that too yeah just what you were saying like when people go on tilt it just gets really bad because they'll keep doling down and doubling down until they have nothing left got it could you explain it - yeah it's great so I just want to add one thing to that if anybody here has ever played poker before if you know if you're like up you know let's say a hundred bucks you bought it for two you're up to three that hundred dollars is worth way less psychologically then if you were down from 200 to the 100 right so maybe you're doing well with the girl rigidly like she's giving you good validation you're having you know fun whatever whatever then you see her with another guy all of a sudden you're like whoa what the just happened I was just doing so well and you can just you know talking drive you crazy do you guys see a lot of similarity as poker players in what goes on in relating with other people either in business or in you know dating relationships where the person can these mechanisms of the mind can make the person crazy and really harm themselves yeah it kind of goes into what you're saying yesterday about the winter effect yeah like the more you're winning the better you play the better decisions you'll keep making so you'll just be like on an upward streak but as soon as you start making like bad plays or you get like let's say you somebody Bluffs you really bad and you just gonna keep going down it huh and also that's a great point and also I think like as a man you have to like work your logic more and start like stop getting emotional too much I feel you're good at that yeah I feel you're good at that yeah I mean I used to be very shy probably a terrible poker player I learned how to control myself closely you know you like driving in this stuff like that's amazing and by the way what he was saying about the winter effect is that when you're when you're winning you're thinking more clearly you have more access to your faculties when you're losing you're thinking less clearly have you ever had in a dating experience where because you're losing you can't you go to that person you're already walking on eggshells you're already nervous and then they can feel that nervousness off you so then they can push you into weird dynamics ever had that has everybody here ever begged and ex back and have it be utterly pathetic put your hand up if you've done that okay it's a really messed up experience oh can you guys give this guy's answer for that yeah yeah I just want to hammer at home a bit because it's really key so what's unfortunate is you'll get to a point where you've got this person who you really like whether you're working with them or whatever it is and they push you into a point where it is so messed up what's happening and then what happens is you you're attached to that one person you have all these great memories together you don't want to give it up you had such high hopes for that situation and what happens is usually the more you beg they'll eventually was called the discard they'll do what's called the discard say that word the discard and then usually they'll even trash you after they leave that's the best part of the thing they'll discard you and then even trash you usually because once they're in that situation where they've been like sponging off you it's never enough just to get that they've also got to get him in a couple rabbit shots on the way out the door or even steal some stuff on the way out the door I mean it's crazy what they'll do and so then what happens is you you you look at the relationship and you're like why can't it just be like it was like I could go back to how it was but they can't let that girl in the bathtub with me in my mind I'm like I am ready to go back to just joking around and having fun the way that we used to but they're not and the thing to realize is they probably won't be it comes down to again the ROI on your time so this is what's generally gonna happen you're gonna have these phases where you either work with people or have a relationship whatever it is it'll go good for a while but because you're not an old-timer you haven't been around the block you're a younger man younger woman whatever it is then you're gonna agree to things you shouldn't agree to you're gonna double down you're gonna you're gonna invest in them more than yourself all that then what'll happen is you'll have experience that are very painful very very painful and once you realize that you're probably gonna get discarded once you realize it doesn't end well when you double down I mean I've had I've had situations where I was doubling down using 20 30 40 percent of my mental emotional capital for two years trying to fix something and in the end here's the best part it will explode even worse sit out with me it will explode even worse the longer that you delay it exploding the worse the discard will be the more disrespect I mean it gets bad so then what you've got to do is you've got it except it's gonna end so with the girl at the tub thing for example I quickly ended it and then what I did was I immediately went back to doing parties container events working on myself where come my Health's working my happiness and I wound up dating way better girls way way way better girls and those same girls we're willing to do way more for me willing to agree to almost anything that because they're getting a win out of it well why are they getting a win out of it because I'm working on myself so I have more to offer and that's where you become a real boss and it's the same thing in work where sometimes unfortunately you just look at different dynamics you've created ordeals you've created or whatever it is and you're looking at it you're going this is crazy I want this more than they do and this is where those memes that you see on the internet come up a lot of women post them too you think that as a guy you go through this I think women go through this like crazy how much have you guys seen women posting memes where it's like girl if he's not calling you and he's not chasing you he's just not that into you you ever been seeing like a lot of female friends posting that really attractive women too you're thinking about I wouldn't you know but it's like I was saying in your case if it wasn't a guy that they would do that for they often don't even like it they actually appreciate in value the guy that they double down and triple down four or more and so it's because you're more emotionally relevant that emotional up-and-down creates a higher degree of emotional relevance so they make this new person and they're numb to them but for the person that they had to double down they gave more of themselves to try to make it work it could never quite work the drama the soap opera they actually feel more emotional relevance to that person I'm not suggesting to make that effect intentional I think that's weird and creepy I know I do not believe in manipulation I'm anti manipulation I'm Pro equality I'm Pro love and throw people coming together but I'm also not Pro people getting abused and I'm certainly not Pro not loving yourself and I'm certainly not Pro being a codependent because and by the way again if it works maybe I have a different opinion but it doesn't work it doesn't work it doesn't work trust me I've been down this path it doesn't work quick question I could tell you why I do it and then I could suggest why other people do it I do it because of my home life growing up was probably missing certain caretaking okay so you know how when I can usually see if somebody had good parents within two seconds of talking them if somebody was you know that that thing called love honestly it's something I never understood that's a real thing like I always thought it was more of like it like this kind of chemical thing or kind of like I mean I always knew love is real and whatnot but like from what and this is really weird I'm gonna say but like from what I can tell if you kiss a baby and hug the baby and love the baby and compliment the baby and make the baby feel safe up till the point that it's more secure that baby will usually have and more far more often a lot of self-respect and be a lot less likely to fall into these dynamics but if your home life wasn't that good and it was kind of dysfunctional and whatnot you will chase that scarce love like you were chasing that scarce love from your parents so who here had it this is never criticizing your parents who your parents gave you life and you should love them and appreciate them but who hears parents did what's called the best they knew how you guys catch that joke who hears parents did the best they knew who hears parents loved them but did the best they knew how okay so that being the case if your parents loves you but did the best they knew how okay totally mess you up um and you didn't get that love you it's almost like it's a leaking bucket it's this leaking bucket of love and you crave it you need it and you're trying to get that love that you didn't get and the way that that usually happens according to guys across Rosenburg is one or two things a and this is why we got into TM by the way TM transformation master a joint is meant to address this so he got so into it because you give guys these skills to meet women and it's almost like giving a bazooka to a kid now they go meet some great person to them trust me I had that bazookas like you know myself so basically what happens is you chase that love from the other person and when you can't quite get it it's like a replication of the parent and then you chase it harder and harder and what happens is so you have this thing called personal boundaries also by the way just like love is like this real thing personal boundaries is like this real thing and basically think of love is like a liquid okay love is like the water that's in this and the boundaries like the bottle it's the thing that contains it so every time that somebody breaks your boundary there's a little link of that self-love or or even other love or total love quantify it and basically what you have is that it's like a leak and it leaks out and then and you stayed in the situation that broke your self-respect and broke your boundaries in order to keep getting love and this is why if somebody has been abused they usually can't leave who hears heard about domestic abuse situations where the person was being abused massively but literally couldn't leave it's called a trauma bond okay well I think that's also I think that's loosely related but a similar kind of thing and Bay and the thing is like so I remember after Julian had his media episode I really wanted to find out because I'd seen that clearly what I learned in the joy media was that clearly a lot of women had been through some bad stuff because they were kind of looking at our like dating stuff through that lens and I was curious what that lens was so I volunteered at a clinic where I would actually help women I don't see again when I do charity I don't brag about it so you guys probably ever heard this but the pool because I'm doing it for me but I wanted to volunteer at a clinic where women who had been through abuse could come talk about and have someone to talk to so I went there to learn what was going on and I remember my friend Ariel was talking to this girl cuz she was the one leading and she's a the most amazing woman and she's leading it and I remember she says to this one woman she's like she's like tell me what happened and she's kind of looking like she's frozen and she's like you know he calls me an and he he says I'm worthless he says I'm cheating on him I'm like and then Ariel was like sweetie like very gently like sweetie you can leave him Eddie and when she says sweetie you can leave me anytime you just and this is a high here's where it gets weird this is a highly intelligent woman but just is having this thing done to her I mean this is why this doubling down thing it's pretty real right so and she just and she's like sweetie you can leave him any time and you see her go sitting there it's like she's frozen it's like it's like a sub-zero Mortal Kombat they freeze the person so they can't leave because what happens is your self-love empties out if they leaked it and then now and now they're putting it in the top to top it up a little bit and it's leaking they've got you completely by the balls and it can happen to man or woman it's very sad and so Ross Rosenberg he'll call that self love deficit disorder he says that codependence is actually like a TD attention deficit disorder he says codependence like self love deficit disorder so if you're somebody who thinks you suspects you might be codependent here's the way it works at a younger age you don't get the love you need and usually one of two things happen a you learn to become the perfect child and try to get that love or be and here's where it gets really crazy you go in the exact opposite direction and you become what's called a narcissist with NPD so what a narcissist does is in my view anyway so this is like my own speculation what I believe in nurses does is the narcissist is looking for that like self-love can't get it so where is the codependent begs for the love and tries to become the perfect person the narcissist takes that like those like love receptors and uses them as this ultimate form of self-love and it miss shapes the brain it damages probably maybe irreversibly the brain pretty bad stuff parents can really mess up their kids so basically you rack one of two ways a you become a codependent I'm gonna do the I'm gonna be the best little public speaker and dating teacher ever I'm gonna release three our videos on YouTube I'm gonna release for our videos on YouTube I'm gonna do four day free tours do you love me now yes I'm gonna be so good at dating but everyone loved me thanks guys four more days okay so okay good okay so thank you yeah is that okay so now okay so now now I could see this in myself because I would see it when I'm getting a whole bunch of Internet comments and everybody's loving it but that one person doesn't like the video and who do I wanna respond to does anybody here ever feel that way when you make a post it's that same codependence why are you focusing instead of focusing on other people who love you you're so paranoid that that one person doesn't like you what a narcissist does is the opposite narcissist can be some of the most toxic aggravating to deal with dark win-lose people you've ever seen and so a lot of people will hate narcissus they'll hate them but and it trust me Norse is one of the most hardest people I ever deal with but here's the thing why are the nurses doing it here's the theory behind it basically what happened was they didn't get enough love as a kid it could also be genetic I want to be clear about that so again Owens strengths area dating Owens speculation area this so basically what Kay I'm kind of speculating here okay but at least gets you thinking about it so what happens is someone with who's a narcissist they didn't get enough love as a kid and their brain is like okay we're not gonna get love anymore we've got to be self-sufficient here's what they do they reframe everything that they could never be wrong they're always the best they have the super grandiose sense of self and they are completely self-serving to the point they don't care if they screw over other people who here has ever dealt with somebody with NPD before put your hands up is there anybody here who would give if it's related to this give maybe a 30-second description of dealing with somebody for with NPD at the front if you kind of study if you were kind of curious about it you studied it you know actually my business partner is one of those people and what a coincidence I thought that you know I mean I've had struggles with drug addiction and and other things such as being a codependent too and I've read actually some of those books that you're talking about and listen to some videos but then more I gave into it the more it drained me and and then I kept kind of getting into self-loathing and just downward spiral and you know it's kind of like god complex to I guess I can mention like I can be the one to fix this and oh I definitely have that one yeah yeah so and then it basically just became you know where I had to like detach with hate from it okay which is good I mean I mean detach with love or how do you explain what it some of the MPD is like they're just very yeah they're very it's all about them and it's just like like you could be standing right here and literally like bump into me and I don't even he doesn't even see me it's not even there okay but what's funny is if you don't know what NPD is you keep thinking you're trippin and they do this thing called gaslighting say that word gaslighting and if you don't know what gaslighting is they'll make you think it was your fault and they're so sure but you're like oh okay you know and that'll happen could you give your take on it too I would do this um if you're dealing with someone with NPD don't try to argue with them even if you're right they will out talk to you they won't make a zine thrive on argument and chaos that is their domain it's like playing the swimming shark game like you're with a shark and you're swimming you're like I'm gonna out swim the shark and bite it it's built to do this well yeah they also on what they also do is depend on how long you know them they will get you to crave their validation you will come up to you as like a superstar and like it's like your honor and your pleasure to meet them and to know them so that way like when like down the line when one when they like start framing it like you're up it's like oh wow what did I do what must have I've done because this person is so great because this person is so awesome you know it must be me yeah and it's that validation you can't quite get that you crave and that's why Ross Rosenberg he calls his human magnet syndrome similar to human magnet syndrome okay that's actually a book about Ross Rosenberg but the idea of it is that that codependent gets attracted to the narcissist and the nurses loves the codependent yep I've actually become very interested in this because I actually go to meetings related to some of this stuff and I've experienced some of it my little louder to you respected and I also had some of it in a relationship with actually married somebody who I was suggested it was borderline personality disorder which is like super-powered NPD I also have a video on that if you've ever seen it and it's the gas lighting thing if you if you do not know what gas lighting is you should really research it because it's really damaging if you don't know that someone's doing it to you you will think that you're the biggest piece of that ever lived so it's it's it's really empowering to understand because people Gaslight you for all kinds of stuff it's not even just relationships it'll happen in your work it'll happen in all kinds of stuff but there's a book called gas lighting and it's it's very powerful to understand if you don't have the boundaries you don't have the defense to question what somebody is posing is your fault or your responsibility you will get screwed up and really bad you need to have the ability to say uh-uh something's not right here and the thing is people like us will attract those people yeah we attract them proactively I said so when you see that that's happening you have to recognize the common denominator is you you're the one attracting this and people around hold into it because there's also a thing called narcissistic smear campaigns and if you don't have a good environment around you people who will get pulled into it can't tell who's the source of the problem no no literally it is so crazy and there's nothing you can say to do about like you can't give your point because that person will look so sure of themselves there's nothing you can say about it all that you can do and here's the problem if you argue back that only energizes them and then they keep going so all you can do is just go whatever because it because by the way it's not enough that they like Rob's you got at you on the way out and they do the discard they've got to get it get some rabbit shots into God that are listening to them too you're not gonna win them over that's right you're screwed with the whole lot so you have to burn all all of it move on I mean it's it's it's a really weird fan ID it's funny because you've been talking about this for a while and I have been really adamant about learning about all this as I help you well I honestly wouldn't saw people and III for my first concern was how much of this am i doing I'm just as willing to look at my own we're the common we're culpable yeah and when we talk about that in the meetings and I never sit in front anybody and say I'm perfect and I don't do anything wrong that's I don't do that but but it gets very grey when you're trying to figure out how much am i contributing to this and how much this person doing this to me and if you keep playing the game and you don't pull yourself out you start apologizing for you don't need to apologize for you start jumping into scenarios you don't need to jump into that's not it's not your fault and it's all about boundaries and your boundaries are not solid it's the power dynamics that you talk about they shift real fast you start cheapening your price tag really fast and all of a sudden you are something else you didn't start as because you didn't have the ability to decipher what was going on and people who are manipulative they're masters at this and they don't care they don't they're that the deforming of the brain that's a real thing it actually happened yeah because what happen is they're bred they didn't get love as a kid so instead of going codependent they shut that loop off so that it was self feeding and it's always like you know how like a mother would love a kid like you're the best little son I love you you're so amazing so their brain does that for them but in order to do that the price tag is that everybody else is wrong they're right about everything they should get whatever they want and once the brain has done that the common denominator you see with personality disorders it's unfixable because the person doesn't even want to become aware or have the capacity to become self reflective quick point about it it can often be the same but having a great confident ego well you're not going to hurt other people and just be a complete jerk is different from someone who's very win lose actually there's one what is that one is a brain mal fire misfire the other is maybe somebody who just really pump themselves up but you know what you can you can kind of cultivate your own freakin NPD if you're not careful there is one big marker actually it's a lack of empathy that's the big thing you're looking for so somebody who's actually truly narcissistic they have that that true ability to connect and care about somebody else that's they could front like they do but it's with it with it's with the purpose could you guys give me a hand for that that's pretty powerful I have a hello annex family member that was such a powerful figure with a powerful personality that it was almost like my whole family and I saw friends walking on eggshells around this individual and it was almost like a hypnosis that I saw like right through this from the start and the rest of the family it was like just got convinced that this person was always right and it was this total level of trust and actually my parents ended up losing pretty much everything house in all their money and I was I saw this happening but I was unable to I tried but it was just so powerful I was unable to do anything to stop it and it was like this it was like a hypnotic effect on everybody else and you know bad things happen there's if it's like there's an energy there and the energy in the room is a little darker and tenser when you're around it and that person is able to impose their will with such ease and normally when somebody's that confident it's because they're telling the truth and they know better than you but in this case they're just kind of always like that by default whether they're right and win-win or not could you guys the man for that - yep all right so as a kid I should grew up my cousin's ladder who's a narcissist and basically everything they said kind of lasted him as well so basically what I would do is I will spend I actually like up my entire childhood in order to compensate for his beliefs and I kind of like kind of ramped up his like self-esteem that's a key thing what he just said you can lose decades I lost my home me tart my entire childhood it was like one person alleifer him to be a like both of their profit no different by the way that if that if a guy or girl with the wrong partner can lose decades trying to please them or you can do this in business trying to please a business partner who's just never gonna be able to play fair you can this is why this is so important is decades can go by do you remember yesterday during some of the self-help talk we did I talked about how if you're not learning and kind of making corrections and getting a coach that you can lose decades just derping this is one element of that derping the other thing to notice too now we're in a certain mood here right I could shift the mood to funny but we're kind of in a zone and a mood here little introspective and somber and I kind of like to be like that on occasion because sometimes I do videos where I just act the fool the whole time so I like to switch it up but the base thing that you'll notice with everybody up here and you'll notice this whether it's Ross Rosenberg talking or anybody who teaches this issue this area it's usually very sensitive Souls and usually people that are very sweet you see how sweet all these guys are funny too how in society these days they're like you know demonize guys it's just like a bunch of jerks like they'd see you guys that like a dating seminar and think like you're a bunch of like jerks out trying to be a big player like you know what I mean right like it happens not mostly guys I teach like you sensitive guys that are like really hurt just try to man up a bit but the point is you'll see that general thing if you have that you have to be aware that the sad look that you see comes from years of not having a boundary and because there's no boundary there it's it's like again the the bottle and then the water it sucks out and what you're left with is just wishing that people could like love each other and like be as nice as you are sometimes and like that kind of thing and they're just not like that and you can't figure out why and this is why in what we teach we teach a lot of things about personal boundaries self love inner game getting present moment letting go trauma all that kind of stuff establishing boundaries establishing a proper dynamic Val your self doubling down on yourself we do that because these are the keys to fixing this area and going from a very bad situation into a situation where you're gonna be boss so what's funny is anyone of us up here has that capacity to go from being the one getting kind of pounded to being a complete baller but it's not gonna happen on its own right you've got to heal that trauma you've got to create better boundaries you've got to double down on yourself and a big one and this really sucks you've got to cut the people out of your life that aren't willing to respect you for the value have to offer and in complete sadness and loneliness it's very sad it's very lonely especially people that have codependents will feel loneliness like five times worse than average person that's what they say and basically what you'll feel way more intense and it's like it's it's overwhelming and then basically you've got to just build your life back up from the ashes build that because it's not just inner game it's it's trauma release inner game loving yourself but it's also you know getting back in with healthy friends healthy hobbies healthy passions healthy extra stuff like you don't loving yourself also with the activities that you're doing not just like an incantation or release but those are equally important I view it as 50/50 equally important they each give a context each one gives context to the other okay so they're both so important so yeah I was gonna say I think that one of the biggest values of this whole thing if you guys don't pay attention is this so when you guys all come here you guys should be getting phone numbers and and meeting and hooking up this is like this is the main thing to me is the values that is meeting up with other people can you guys do that so thank you yeah of course very important so yeah okay so what he was saying is yet we are sweet Souls and like we've had our boundaries crossed so for all of us in this room there's gonna come a time when someone tries to push usually that no one's just gonna try and come and like push you and show you out the way bro be little subtle tiny almost microscopic things the Frog get the frog in the boiling water type things you would think that what you're crazy for even considering like they these people will just kind of just try to like push you and just ways that you don't even think you are being pushed and then it builds up exponentially and then gradually a minute before you know it they're calling you stupid or dumb and you just kind of let it go and let it pass because I well it's also the path of least resistance so for you to cut them off and then go back to do it your own thing would hurt in that moment because you've given too much of yourself to them already but you've got to be willing to kind of barrel through that sad that sadness and rebuild yourself on a proper foundation I'll have more to say about it but keep going okay um I also want to say you also gonna have to all of us in this room if we're trying to reach any kind of goals anywhere we have to adjust to loneliness we have to be like we have to adjust to lonely and learn and learn to be to be happy and loving yourself in you know moments of solitude and even appreciate them that's exactly like what I was gonna say cuz it's great point out narratives this is just kind of like there are like so many people around they're just like really not about like you guys probably all have goals and like dreams or trout you probably not trying to play this game to play small you're trying to play big but like the masses most people are just trying to stay here and I'm pretty sure everyone in this room is trying like go up here so just get used to like the solitude because like everyone says it's it's lonely at the top so yeah or don't even get as lonely but you it has a beautiful moment to recharge and love yourself yep okay so to come full circle there's something that I think I definitely don't mean to cut off the flow and give a specific story but it is related and I think it's something that we can all appreciate because it's an issue that maybe you have a little bit of a blind spot to yourself sure and I've articulated two friends that are deep into this with me I've been doing this following for like six years and there's this okay what I've gotten and I'm sure a lot of people in this room can relate what gotten from sitting in this environment and being steeped in this type of thinking and talking for hours what happens is I realize the range of regular thoughts that I have every day is so beneath my potential it's so stupid I can't I can't emphasize enough I just look I go holy actually what I think about all the time is so dumb compared to what I could do not realizing you're gonna die some day and burning all this time and energy on nonsense ya know preposterous so this is what this is what I'd like to say okay just a quick analogy what I feel like is to give an analogy to what I just described it's like I've been walking in this endless field like a route like just in a dirt State and all of a sudden like the overcast that's been there for years I've just been walking like endless grass for years the sky opens up and light hits me for the first time and I'm like oh and they're like I see like a I see like a Golden City and like people laughing and music and here's what's gonna happen and if for anyone who's been to a freak store before I know you can relate you know go home and it's gonna die slowly all that inspiration you feel right now you you you might make a slight improvement but in a big way you're gonna shift back because your entire life all of your circumstances are built to keep you where you were that's why you were where you were this is also what I keep telling you guys about creating mastermind groups what he's saying is exactly why that's exactly why you need Mentors mastermind groups and people to stay on your ass yes and there's something that I'm gonna ask you of course that it's gonna add I think it's gonna add massive value for sure does it something that I feels been missing I've articulated people yeah what is it and here's what it is okay everything's but I have truth mm-hmm the other side of the maximum there's no magic pill people who look first for like kick they're like Owens up here like speaking gold like the truth gold for hours and the guy stands up he's like how do I get late like he wants the two sentences he like there is no two sentences but the other side of there's no easy easy answer is okay no there isn't there's no magic pill but there might be a things a few bullet points maybe give us that we can hold on to like life rafts when it does get extremely hard and the hours of content is just like we're broken spiritually yeah like trying to hold on and we're like can I just have a bullet point to like make it through this day so I can wake up a refresh tomorrow and come back to this hard study and those bullet points if you could give that so I think the biggest thing that I think I built a multi-million dollar empire on the fact that I just approach that simple act of approaching seriously and if you ever read the book the game by Neil Strauss and in one of the ways that he kind of you know talked in a way about me was he's like Tyler Durden thought you could cure cancer with approaching because my mentor mystery was sitting in the house stewing on a breakup or whatever it wasn't like get out of approach in my experience I could be going through the lowest thing of my life even a horrible breakup and I just go out and I remember wait a minute I am awesome this go at life is awesome this is so fun that is the biggest one I play obviously that's why by the way by they come up to me all the time and they see me write guys that knew me like 10 20 years ago and they're like and they'll come up to me all like holier-than-thou and I get it they're just trying to like give their take so I'm not hating on it but it's just funny that's just kinda how I feel about it and they're like so are you like still going out don't you have kids and I'm like okay so the alternate is like the alternate on a Friday night is what like I'm open to not going out anymore tell me the other cool thing to do then go out and share joy with my fellow humans on a Friday night for you guys that went out with me last night what more healing activity could I do then go talking to a bunch of people that's why by the way it's such a shame a lot of the media representation of dating advice for guys it's this beautiful healing thing for guys that are just rying to get themselves out there and they're trying to represent it as this like win-lose creepy thing and I'm like man why don't you guys come hang out with us for a minute like what like yo some of us are some hurting Souls too like we're just like yeah maybe we do the art locker room talk and act like for a minute to joke around but like the real core of what this is something beautiful so I find like when you guys see me out like dancing with the whole group and singing and having fun I'm doing that that's a very healing thing and that's why I no matter how much inner game I've studied I've studied a ton of it and I teach I'm still like you got to go out that's just my view of it and if you're not someone who's gonna go out then find something else you're passionate about where you connect with other people and challenge yourself and push the envelope and push in your edge you'll feel great so that's the importance of it I mean that's why I even kept teaching this five years longer than I should have was because I believe that much in the healing power of going out but I'm taking it from a different perspective and yeah it's fun to hook up or meet people or get laid or whatever but there's also many many deeper levels to that so that would be my main thing PTSD done Thanks thank you boys I appreciate that thanks boys that's awesome I just tried to get other people up here to put it in perspective so I hope the main lesson that you would have taken from this would be basically just the importance of having boundaries and the main lesson two is again remember what I said so many people remember what I said it like I would have bad staff members why or not bad but just like incompetent and not hard-working staff members because I'm too lazy to just go do a hiring rampage I'm too lazy to hire somebody now I fixed so much of this like the past three years for me hasn't been literally just fixing this and I've been a good space and now see it's a lot easier to talk about something openly when you've kind of come through it so one of my main goal is like one of the things that I do like that I built a bigger business was that I could share my foils right I can share where I went wrong and the things that I did to fix it so in my business what are the really big things that I did to fix it was look doing an audit of every single thing that I'm doing that I could hire somebody else to do it train them put in the time to train them now if you can't hire somebody else then find some other means to get it done but basically has to be handled effectively and then lock in on things that raise my value so what I go do you know say that instead of me doing a bunch of menial tasks to help somebody whose approval I want I focus on my thing grow my thing and then you know I had I had a great video come out recently it was that rst Tyler fast newbie guide right anybody happen to catch that okay and that video really popped off it's you know got a couple hundred thousand views but more importantly was the feedback on it and you don't really increase the signups and so on so forth that was something I did for me but when I do that for me that's a win-win for the people that I work with too because now they're connected to somebody who's being his best self and I've since done a whole bunch of different things like that so when I do that ironically the people who I want to please are more pleased when I do something for me and I'm being at my potential sort of how to do is on it I had to really sit down and audit who are the people that are disruptive who are the people that are never gonna get it who are the people that don't truly see the value that you have to offer like you've got this amazing value to offer but there's somebody who maybe isn't vibrationally able to recognize that value that's a really big one like a lot of things I'm saying here I'm kind of glossing over but like just that top it could be a five hour seminar like you're vibrationally not matched to somebody they can't see what you have to offer no matter what you do by the way and in fact frankly if you're at a higher vibration so to speak to them the more that you do to try to help them the more they could even snap back because they're not ready to move up yet they have to burn off their karma and be on their journey it's big right there by the way likewise what you have is you know there's people that just can't see it so what you've got to do is you've got to attract the people who can see it the key to life really is audit your time okay the first one be Val your self say it with me now yourself say second of all audit time audit energy audit emotions right how much time energy and emotion are you putting into these various relationships so the idea is you as a person you have these different occupations things you're putting in your body friendships that you're you're integrating with your interfere interfacing let's say they weren't interfacing okay it's the people places and things that you're interfacing with and so there's people that let now remember every truce about a half-truth you want to give freely you want to give to people who maybe aren't necessarily giving something back but that being said you also the other side of that is you do have to interface the people out have boundaries right member evanng he saw Ronald and he said sit the down I've not interfacing with this he he he could he could read the play a mile away no matter what I do it's not gonna fix anything you could read the play he could he could see the future wasn't that he was a jerk and said he wants to help more people he doesn't have time for this so what happened is you've got to audit yourself and when you do this audit man it is so so eye-opening it is an eye-opener because when you and and then after you audit how much time you put in a certain relationship some people that aren't gonna get it they can't see the value have either because it's not the right fit or not the right vibration not the right investment or you've over invested give her the expression if you want something to be your best friend get them to do you a favor funny one right get the new you a favor so once you do that audit I would ask you then audits using your imagination what the opportunity cost was and what else you could have done with that time say to me audits the opportunity cost be creative about what else you could have done with the time it's really crazy and that goes back to what you were saying by the way because you might have noticed in recent years I've been making a lot of videos where I'll say this kind of theme of think about how much time you're just wasting gossiping talking about BS we talk about the salt on Julian's channel and you start auditing and auditing and auditing and auditing and man is it ever weird when you do that when you do that audit and you think wait a minute so instead of doing that I could have done this and then what happens do you think about how much that would have stacked over the years so you remember in yesterday's self-help talk we were discussing that whole concept of these little one percents that help you think of all those little one percents that you could have been getting that could have been helping you right and once you start adding that up man and usually success is either an upward spiral and failures a downward spiral so usually if you've been getting a couple wins you actually could have been doing more more like say say like you know a case where someone stole like hundreds of thousands from my business you got understand that hundreds of thousands is not just a hundreds of thousands because what could I have done with that money what could I have done I could have done more events I could have bought more camera gear I could have made more hires I could have done more launches I could have done more advertising than some time you know a limited time we can do it in dating but we can still do some of it you see my point right like there's literally things that I could have been hiring other key people to help me so that loss of a hundred grand is not a loss of a hundred grand that's a loss of maybe a million and with that million what when you've done with that and with that million my crazy right remember yesterday when I was saying to you guys how I combine things that I'm doing like I'm doing one thing but it's like doing 20 things you guys remember that you got to be looking at the way your life is stacking when you look at people that are super successful and whatnot there's a reason why they're super successful compared to you it's a lot of this strategizing for you guys who are coming to the self-help event up at the mansion we are going to be going through that in detail we're gonna be really really auditing you and it's gonna hurt and it's gonna be no-holds-barred we're doing a self-help event it's gonna be 997 it's the mansion anybody wants to do it I'm not gonna pester you guys but see me at the back if you want to come okay it'll be an early man okay is there anybody here was thinking of coming to that event that didn't sign up yet couple you guys okay I'll talk to you guys about that after okay so basically what you have is once you start doing that audit you're putting yourself in this really cool position because now what you can do is you can actually start winning remember Donald Trump he said we got to start winning again right guys very funny so you might hate him but he's funny so so by the way whether you love him or hate him I would definitely say that he exhibits a lot of tendencies of being a narcissist you know edits interesting and something I didn't say about narcissist by the way is nature usually has intention and narcissists often actually can be quite powerful because sometimes the social conditioning has become so bad that it takes that one crazy freaking Narcis to stand up to a lot of BS because anybody else would have collapsed anybody else would've been like whoa whoa I I give in I give in to like this like overpowering BS so sometimes the narces can come in and fix a lot of stuff other times though nurses can come in and screw everything up like me a dictator so you go there a man yeah nurses I mean I've had nurses in my life who also pulled me to higher heights it's the truth a lot of CEOs and business owners are narcissists because they don't see negative feedback the smart person would be like I'm not trying this business that's crazy the nurse is like everyone else is crazy this will work huh a lot of nurses are super successful so let's not just look down there's you know but that's that if you see you're engaging with one you got to be careful but see the thing with things like borderline personality disorder is typical bad behavior and a partner BPD which you can also look up it's like the exaggerated version of that same bad behavior like the behavior that somebody with borderline personalities which you should look up it's like toxic behavior it's just a on steroid version of normal bad behavior so narcissism is the kind of jacked up version of tendencies that regular people could have it's just a more extreme version would be the best way that I could put it to you okay so the main thing like I said audit it and you want to be shifting yourself into an upward spiral the more that you can also stop engaging with even thoughts this is what you were saying looking at the level of pettiness in your thoughts do you remember one of the themes also from this week's event was realizing that you're gonna die someday and realizing that most of what you think about is complete nonsense even those thoughts can be toxic the way a person can be toxic it's just this time burning energy suck thoughts so the more that you can get on point with this kind of stuff the better okay well I guess kind of what we're doing it for you guys that are coming to the event this month what we're doing here is we're going over the theory at the event I'm not going to talk a lot I'm not gonna be I mean I'll talk a lot but like I'm not gonna be doing seminar I'm gonna be doing exercises it's gonna be very interactive exercise heavy so you guys are gonna be doing like group work and a lot of exercises so like cuz I can teach you for example I can teach you how to talk and talk forever the way I do and I can tell you the theory behind it but I'd rather get you doing an exercise doing it you know I can teach it like remember when Jeff had the guys up here doing the voice stuff I can tell you the theory behind that all you want but until I bring you up and do the drills with you you're not gonna change in most cases might you know you might but you usually need to do it so for you guys that are coming to the event this month or is it's not early May what Dave made is it again what date is it second to the fifth yeah we'll do it just like this event like evening on Thursday evening on Friday and then Saturday something's gonna be sick so I hope you guys are pumped and thank you for sunny huh so basically we're going to exercise on but the main point the theory that you can get leading into it is this you have to look at what you're engaging with and the other thing that you said that I liked was that you go through the kind of crappy clouds and eventually it becomes sunny out what happens is you you go through this for a long time and you can't imagine a reality or you're really on top of it but eventually after all that pain you will get to these waypoints where you look at your life and your eyes are beaming and you're powerful and you're making and you're and you're getting into relations and with people and stuff that are much much much healthier and feeding you you're no longer afraid to walk away a big one is you've established systems in order to bring new people in your life that's the big thing we'll talk about at the seminar also systems building I'm very very very passionate about systems building I've seen the failure insistence building and dating for so many years and I've now begun to learn that at a higher level of business basically happens in businesses you can build a business to maybe like three million a year five million years sales ten million a year sales but once you start to hit around the ten million year sales there's very few businesses that can even cross that ten million point because everything just explodes the reason why it's cuz the one person the middle can't do everything anymore and they have to training other people dude yet to architect system so that's kind of what I've been having to learn and it's definitely not easy but I've learned a ton about it so I've had to do that as part of my growth it's been beautiful and really building systems I view is almost next to godliness because I feel like God created the ultimate system and as far as our biological systems flowers the earth the water like everything is the ultimate system so when you build a system it's like you're like this very miniature very very very miniature version of like your godliness where it's like you're building something beautiful in the system and it's it is working perfectly like when I talk about how it makes me happy say with my Instagram thing and like you know I've built a party and I've built a way to go out and I built way to meet people and I build people reaching out to me it's like I've built that system it's a really cool thing or when I don't get sick for it sample I've worked with my biology to build a system and it's really cool it's really really fun and it's fun when that system is synergistic and all the different synergies are you know feeding each other and then you kind of just go and you tweak the system and as a result you wind up getting like 50 or 100 X the results that most people get so it's not like you just get 50 percent better it's not like you get you know 100 percent better it's like you get a thousand times better or somebody that because you're using the power of upward spirals synergy X banana and just exponential growth you

Channel: Owen Cook Free Tour

Views: 153,489

Rating: 4.8880191 out of 5

Keywords: self help, self development, personal development, potential, 4 day self help, motivational, motivational speech, motivational video, motivation, inspirational video, needs all humans have, how to live a successful life, how to live a fulfilled life, how to live a happy life, happiness and success, The Mindset of High Achievers, mindset of success, how successful people think, achievement, life coach, speech, success, be inspired, change your life

Id: vkb_lzT2QKI

Length: 117min 17sec (7037 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 28 2019