Coping VS Thriving - Tyler Reveals #1 Distinction That DEFINES Your Life

hey what up its own for Mila social dynamics welcome to Washington DC and in today's video I'm gonna take you deep down the rabbit hole of offering value to people so that when you do there's a vibe about you that makes them feel immediately receptive and immediately trusting and what I'm going to teach you is how to get out of the rut of thinking that you need to have a technique not to say techniques you're about they're actually excellent but to get on the road of thinking you need it and to get you into a paradigm or justify your vibe you get incredible responsibility you want to always keep this expansive energy about you and it a lot of it is what I call coping versus thriving so this is a really subtle point if you're under slept at hungry one thing that you might observe in yourself is that if somebody says how are you doing as your response you'll go good would be the the polite response how are you doing what no one's gonna get it really comes I'm stunned how are you doing you ever think about that when you're kid you're like where does this whole how are you thing come from or when people say the word what's up what up dude it's sort of a it's a funny human communication right you think they don't care what what a how you doing what actually what it actually means it's more a self display of your mental state than it is so much about the other person when I say how are you like dude how are you doing how's your day going the implication is my life is good give me a second my life is amazing how are you doing I have it comes from the Bible you ever the with Jesus the cup runneth over you've heard that the cup runneth over so the idea is the cup is so full that it's overflowing with value so would you say how are you doing and I observe this myself because you know sometimes I run these boot camps I get really tired after you know I'm like wha I'm just run down to so I'll be hopping into an uber or a taxi cab the cab drivers like hey how you doing and I'll just be like fine and you know I might be like you ever happen kind of walking around having a nice day and some kind of bumps into you and like and you're like excuse me and they just shuffle off or you know you're trying to take a picture and they jump in front of your photo or you know another example be like you know so you got a nice new apartment it may be paying two grand a month for it and somebody comes over to your house and they say how much you paying for it and you're like a couple grams they're like oh man that's not worth it you ever had that Evan it's happened to me a couple times try it let's paint big one two grand but you get the idea right so the general idea here is that it's called coping versus thriving say this with me coping versus thriving what that means is that this is really subtle this is one of the best things I could this is what's so crazy is this is one of the most helpful results like Machiavellian tactical game-changing pieces I could give you and yet everybody who already lives it will just be like that's awesome and the people who aren't living it will gloss it out and they'll ignore it and they will pay no attention ISM it's crazy how a lot of the advice like the the people who most need the advice it falls on deaf ears and the people who already get it are like yeah love that love that pre-fishing car I've never they say that when someone's that kind of a lower level paradigm it's almost like a green flashlight trying to shine through a red filter to communicate with them can't quite get it you've almost got to learn how to shift your language to kind of reach them right it's like you guys ever seen like say in YouTube comments you might see you guys saying like it's all about looks or you know this can't be done or these are like paid models I could I could make a video being like guys like this is the video for guys that think it's all about the looks I want to talk to you I'm going to show you hidden camera video of me picking up girls and you know if you need to walk down the street at random a lot and you could watch as I approach it and you'll you'll clearly see that you couldn't hire this many girls to respond like this it's really not about looks right and but the way it's like again is that the green flashlight through the red filter the way that they would hear it or interpret it is like some tricking guy like some trickery type guy who's like this is my I'm gonna convinced you out of it they can't hear it why do you think somebody going let's take a side to engineer why do you think somebody who is coping and not thriving needs to believe it's about you know looks or money or height or something out of their control why do they need to believe that it's either like they say it's about like most people when they see somebody who's rich do they think oh he must be very hardworking and a risk taker and strategic what they're probably thinking is he's what he's lucky what else he inherited it he cheated the system he has something I don't have he has an unfair advantage things like that failing failing that there was a positive it's it's extreme level coping what it is is it's it's - if you don't feel that you have the mental and physical capacities and resources to achieve a similar level of success it really hits you like we had a video come out recently with Luke promoting the social circle blueprint I think that video the most amount of dislikes I've seen an RC video and to be fair it was a sales video I mean at the back half but the front half I mean given us the sales but it's got a lot of great in it you see me - beautiful mansion in the morning you see me go out to Vegas meet a really cool blonde chick and wind up pulling her you see us dancing in our supercool club you see me come back to the mansion giving some great information that you could immediately put in action and then you see us at a giant mansion party at the same place that we're shooting earlier it's kind of beautiful because you see a shooting at that mansion earlier in the day and then it goes to that mansion at night and shows a party that my roommates spent like a half a million to a million dollars on and shows that party and then it jumps into Luke gaming with Dan Bilzerian - that's pretty cool I mean really like just like really but I knew that going into it in fact my goal in making that video was to great that reaction why is that because when somebody clicks dislike what are they really clicking they're actually saying I really like it the guys have just liked it they're just like oh I like it beautiful content cool cool fun social circle pick up a mansion party dan Bilzerian in the video that's pretty dude that's pretty cool like you really take that for granted you just saw how I use social networking to get my roommate to want to move into a big mansion with me you saw how I use social networking to pull a cool blonde chick you saw how are you social networking to have a party that competes with the Playboy Mansion done at my crib you saw how Luke use social networking to hang out with Dan balls Aryan dude you think just cuz he's or SD Luke Dan's just like calling him up trying to pursue him we're not that cool okay and that you saw it and then we had to figure out to record this we had to find girls who think we're so cool they're like you know what recorded have fun you see all this cool vibing like you see this really cool vibing of us at the table having fun with each other kind of getting a sense of how to like pull and like make it fun you see you see things that are inspiring like one way to look at it is like damn they're giving me the information to get this another way to look at it is like this a great sales video let me say this K John Carlton one of my great marketing mentors he says if you have a product and you talk about it at a bar if everybody says that sounds awesome scrap it now get rid of it but if people are if people start twitching and sweating and looking angry you got a winner you want that why is that because everybody is tight on cash right everybody's cash is kind of structured so say that you're selling a product for say 300 bucks and they're they've got like you know a couple grand budget of that month and now you show them this thing that they didn't even realize they needed they're not just going back oh I didn't realize I needed that pure they're gonna be a they're gonna start sweating so if I'm doing sales I'll keep giving the selling points of that product until I see the room kind of sweating a little bit if everybody's just like oh that sounds really cool good luck with it they're gonna love it you've all that they're gonna love it that's what guys try to do a game right guys will walk up to me out in the field and they'll be kind of like oh hey guys guys here I'm sure this is helping them a lot they really need this I'm like you really need this market look at you for you this big pimp shut up but people like to do that right so coping versus thriving if you show somebody something that's really inspiring if they're in coping and not thriving what is their mind likely to default to scam lucky cheating the system has advantage rich parents etc etc looking for the looking for why they don't have it why don't you have a cool social circle why aren't you hanging out with Dan Bilzerian why aren't you living in a cool place why don't you have cool chicks why don't you have the friends you want rather than being pissed at the people who do why not be inspired but the only way that you can be inspired is if you're shifting into thriving so if you saw that video and you're like you know this is cool congratulate yourself because you're literally like you're able to let that land most people can't let that land but I'm not looking at a video I got to communicate those people because there cause anyway so what you're doing is considering right now are you in coping or thriving if somebody says you how are you doing and you just go I'm okay you're in coping if you're like oh I'm doing well how are you doing how's your day going you're in thriving because you because you have the extra energy to even ask or care the average person on the street is derping around there's so much in coping that if you're taking a camera shot they like stumble right in front you're shot you'll even see people like like say I'm trying to videos out and I've got like this beautiful setup like they've watched me set this up all they'd have to do is walk two feet out of my way and they're like yeah and they just like stumble through the shot like knock over the cameras and they're mad that we're even doing a shot and this is like if we're not even in like a well like in a highly interrupting place this can happen why do you think that is because when you're tired and frustrated and suffering from untargeted discontent you don't want to move the two feet you don't want to say how are you doing so here's the answer the other side you guys ready for the other side of coin this will be one of the best piece of information I could ever give to you okay you ready for it am i prime do you if you want to get results like what you're seeing me doing these videos in the hidden camera footage change your mindset from ever needing anything or from ever wanting to take anything not to say you can't receive or have personal boundaries you can but change it from one to take anything to the following as a man I look at any situation or person I come from a frame that I am full and fulfilled and complete as I am and I need nothing therefore I look at it in three ways one how do I add value to the situation to how to offer positive emotions the situation or three how do I feel into the situation determine what it needs and offer that and respond it to that when you shift from that here's what here's what happens in your pickup okay the needy vibe goes away this output of energy vibe goes into you and you will incentive ly make that girl smile you will instinctively approach her the right way say she's kind of rushing you'll know not to stop her too early you'll know when to touch you'll know when to joke you'll know when to introduce you'll know when to pull you'll feel it because you're you you have it you have an instinct to feel into this I'll give it to you in a sec you have an instinct to feel into the situation okay so you have an instinct to feel the situation never getting a sense that you could be missing something always assuming that the cup runneth over value and saying how do I offer value to the situation how do I had good emotions in situation or how do I feel into the situation and hear my inner voice of how to be responsive to the situation again you'll find that you offer a lot of status and value in to your pickups so because that you had attraction you'll offer good emotions in your pickup so they're her buying temperature will go up she'll become happy and you'll you'll open perfectly you'll walk with her perfectly you'll say the perfect thing you'll feel it you'll see very frequently that as you do this girls start dragging you home girls start offering their numbers to you girls start throwing themselves at you you'll see this again and again and again now what's funny is I said this typically falls on deaf ears here's why what frequently happens is guys who are in a takers mindset are looking for the next tactic so no matter how many times you tell them you're a value taker they're blind to it they can't see it they can't see the creepy vibe and because they wish to stay in that paradigm and not evolve what winds up happening is they believe that they need a tactic to compensate for the deficiency they're not aware another paradigm exists now why is it that we go into scarcity why is it that we go into coping at art in thriving again this is me coping are thriving saying coping not thriving this is critical coping not thriving most people when you look at them look dead in the eyes there's a shift in their pupils their pupils look dead when you're thriving there's an aliveness in the pupils and you can see the people that meditate so avid meditators can see other meditators who your meditates okay when you guys now that you've done meditation if you're walking down the street can you recognize other people who meditate quickly what you look for is a present gaze and you look for a life in the eyes because what's happening when you meditate is you're getting out of this paradigm of continually searching and searching and searching and trying to get happiness for material objects and whatnot and you're draw what they would say meditation is you're drawing it from source energy source energy essentially is where you become present to the moment and you allow the source to fill up your cup the source is unlimited whereas physicality materiality is temporary and shifts with circumstances very temporal now this is called eastern philosophy it is pseudoscience what is their engine pseudoscience in suit of psychology versus real science and real psychology it's very measurable now what you're finding is people in real science are beginning to put like EEE geez that was called eg like you know like wiring people up and they're testing them you remember earlier when I was in Madison I showed you just me smiling and I can pump my own neurotransmitters you could measure that how am i doing that I'm drying from the source energy now it sounds complex but it's really quite simple allow your mind to rest in present moment feel the nice gratitude and your default becomes happiness more or less I'm glossing over a lot of complexities here you could poke a million holes in this argument but it but before you poke holes in the argument just understand the argument so basic you know because you got to understand the base of it before you in to understand the alternative viewpoints so that being the case what you want to do is draw from Source Energy ah right you if you don't like that terminology hate that phrasing just call get your mind in the zone stop thinking so much is another way of putting it rather than getting this like whoo so when you're coping you're walking around and you think you need something and you're not aware of this whole other paradigm in which you could be thriving because you're unaware that you could be thriving your class being at straw was looking to get the result that you think wrongly would make you happy and you're trying to get a tactic for it so you're stuck in this weird rut what you want to do instead is get present to the moment and say to yourself I am already fulfilled my cup runneth over yet that being the case I offer value good emotions or I feel into the situation and I'm response to the situation now again this is coming from the celebrity mindset like I saw Vince Vaughn out the other night Vince Vaughn has tons of phase a movie actor right from swingers he's got tons of fans a lot of people like him he goes to the key I was at bungalow in Santa Monica of course everybody's so excited that he's there so does he need anything no so what so what I made eye contact with him he looked at me said hello friend and he gave me this big blast of present energy good to meet you good to see you and then he continued on he wasn't needing anything from me he felt my eye contact he felt into the situation offered me good emotions the value of its presence and he felt in the situation and said hello to me he feels that instinctively so when I see a girl if I instinctively feel that the best way to be responsive to her would be to open would be walk with her engage with her let her feel my presence let her feel my good emotions raise her emotional state lead her along once we've established a commonality and Trust then that makes the pickup very smooth and what winds up happening is that when you have this down and listen carefully there's an underlying subconscious I role at all the other guys say this say the same line I roll so that was me underlying iral so there's this kind of vibe where you're just in the zone and she's kind of like happy cuz she's just hot chicks or whatever and basically you're like not just a hot chick but the point is she's somebody who has a lot of validation she's just she's an she's totally in the zone usually so that being the case what happens is there's kind of this vibrant other guys come up needy and you're kind of like like you know may I apologize on behalf of you know the masculine gender or creepy but I'm present here with you right now right have some fun so let's go you see that there's a there's a vibe of that right not that you should ever apologize for gender in yourself but most dudes in general or creepy they're coping they're creepy as so and I can become creepy eyes myself here when I get in coping when I cope are you so that's why want to thrive so that being the case what you want to do is be in that mode and if you do that it automatically solves the problems of a certain tactic or facial expression or move because the energy is so good that the girl's gonna be highly responsive to it so again just just a wrap with this idea why do people go into coping we go into coping cuz we're tired you know you get underslept like I notice it in myself what I get tired I act like that when I'm really hungry I act like that if you see me out on the street I'm tired hungry I probably I could be like Vince Vaughn I'm just gonna look like it like a grumpy cab driver you ever had it by the way where you give a cabdriver a great tip but because he hates his job he kind of just goes boom you ever seen that I've tested this you know I'll give a cabdriver like a $15 tip and he's just like yeah right I go dude it hey brother how are you doing good dude you know I just tip you 15 bucks then I want you to be happy do you need more are you having our time let me offer you morning here's 30 huh brah got 100 for you you need it because for me a social experiments easily worth a hundred bucks so it's like I got under bucks for you had him under bucks yeah I mean just throws it back to me why because he's in this pessimistic reality that same reality is the guys are like it could only be looks but the game stuff right there in that pessimistic reality and when confronted with the possibility of the world could be a good place it actually him up you're frying his brain when a guy's in coping he needs to believe the world's inherently evil and sacked against him to cope you follow that it's a when you're coping you need to believe the world is a hostile place with cheaters and scammers and that you're the only one with integrity and it's because of your integrity that you're sucking in life and then if you're willing to cheat you'd be rich too and you be getting girls too but you're just not willing to cheat that's not to say that look like everything every truth is about a half-truth it's not to say that there aren't people that are like crushing it by doing unethical things we get that but typically by the way whenever you go out ethical it's almost like you ever see the movie Casino or Goodfellas or the NWA movie it's like when you do things that low vibration state there's often you pay the bill at the end so even though like the guys in the movie Casino are crushing it at the end of it they're all getting their legs chopped off and buried and arrests and whatnot right so you can do well for a time but there's a bill at the end to pay what's that spot oh you guys oh good god okay I'm sold back in the day everybody was in it quick one and little rabbit rabbit if it's about the topic by the way let me even in shrub that often times guys I'll be on this like one thread and everybody's getting value from the thread and you'll see a guy in coping throws his hand up he's like so I have a question about boyfriends and everybody in the room I'm not saying you buy way that's right yeah but it just reminded me of kind of a cool point like everybody the rooms getting value from one train of a lesson and then there's that one guy he's so stuck in his head that his Energy's constricted and he's like I have a question what's the question about of course about boyfriends and what winds up happening is is that it derails it for everybody else because that guy's so much in coping he thinks he needs his question answered right I'll give you I'll give you one last funny example before asking questions there was this one student at I'd years ago okay he was like in his 50s I was about I was like 22 or 24 or something he's in his 50s and he was really in coping like big-time so I was like this old guys wearing yellow cardigan so I bring him this club and he's like demanding that I get him laid it was so crazy right just very demanding guy and back then back in the day I probably lacked personal boundaries and I was like well you know this guy took my program I got to get him laid I got to meet all his demands so I literally I figure out that like maybe what I like in my 23 or 24 year old head I literally get this stroke of genius to bring him to the back patio area and to make him start a Bosch and I literally get this like 55 year old dude to start a wash I get them jumping oh hey hey hey I actually do that in my 7 or Sam right in the blueprint right so so I get him doing that right now I funny funny enough I still do some my seminars I get everybody cheering everybody loves it so the thing is like everybody else to cheer together so I get him to start a mosh this guy literally leads a boss in the back I'm like good god I'm like shows what the pressure can do like I can't believe I thought this and girls are actually into him he actually gets numerous girls into him and then still creeps them out and then pulls me aside he's like I demand to get laid and again I took things way too personally then nowadays we got did that to my brother this is the right fit just going your way have fun refund no problem but at the time I was trying to push it so finally I start yelling at him all dude you're pathetic and he's like yes he has called me pathetic I'm like this is not an S&M lesson right so finally like that guy went in his way I never got him laid but I had a David DeAngelo seminar with about 300 people years later and his name is Evan Pegg in these days but back then he called himself David DeAngelo he teaches marketing down to the suit under the real name Evan pagan but a student in was David angel so I so there's like David Diaz on this like beautiful train of thought right and this guy just puts his hand up his and he's like David David Wright and it's like 300 people and Dave is like his name's Evan now right is he and Ben's like what dude what is it it does I have a question and he's like yeah I mean this this is gotta be good man is this about what we're talking about he's like yes yes he's like all right come to the front of this is gotta be good cuz he was like it was like poignant moment and the guy gets up into that same dude for my bootcamp like a couple months early right I'm like holy now he see her so he stumbles the front and he's like David and he's like you know some absurd question like you know let's say it was like I don't know what it was you know like like how do you get a girl who has a boyfriend right and but see unlike me cuz I'm too young I have no personal boundaries Evan just looks at him and he just goes oh sit the down now right he didn't give a right about a couple hundred bucks from this dude right and then he goes just said you got it sit down and he goes you know what guys sometimes in life you're so needy you're so desperate you need so bad that paradox Lee you're screaming so loud that no one can hear you scream everyone just Tunes it out you're screaming so loud the pitch of that scream is so loud that everyone just Tunes it out and I'd like at that moment like my spine was tingling I was like good god that guy's so much cooler than me ha ha ha I bring this guy back for a mosh I'm like success right it's unfixable you can't fix the unfixable until he chooses to go in thriving he'll be in coping because he got why was he so demanding because he's so much in his head he's not aware of my experience he only cares about his experience but what he doesn't realize is that same indifference to my experience as a teacher is why he can't get girls sometimes I'll be coaching a guy and I'll say bro I need you to say thank you right now to me right I say I need you to say thank you and in their mind they're probably thinking what's this guy like need my approval I'm paying him I'm paying that guy why should I say thank you today my pain mean wall also been probably 10 to 30 grand a month on self education all the guy that I just spent an hour with I got an estimate I spent $1,000 an hour coaching I look at me look at his eyes the NSI brother thank you so much I'll get maja go that was amazing thank you thank you for that gift you know in this game a G for 60 minutes why do I do that am i doing that for him it's completely for myself it is 100% for me it is coming from a frame of gratitude is an energetic light like letting value come to you is an energetic flow and I want to keep the energy flowing as you get a gift when you say thank you you said yourself this is amazing thank you it's like this is very pseudoscience this is very pseudo psychology not provable but I'd ask you to look at it through your own experience when you say this is amazing thank you God amazing things just get better and better I'm saying thank you to him because I want to show gratitude to the universe that I get it I received it it landed got it thank you got it it landed by letting it land now I'm not in this coping mode of like I just spent a G huh you know right and like I hate saying this because it has its weird undertone like I'm trying to tell you guys the same thing like I don't get like do whatever the you want I'm good dude I'm okay but it's not for me right so if somebody's working their guts out you know and you say thank you you're you're putting it out to the universe that you that you appreciate the gifts so what happens when you're in coping that cabdriver he's miserable but it's like why is he miserable he's like I'm driving a cab this sucks I'm underpaid my life sucks the world sucks so that's within him so how will his outer reality manifest what if he was like you know what it's a beautiful day it's beautiful out here I'm driving down the street in a great country I'm offering real value this is honest work I got some cool people in here I can joke around or if they're a dick who cares we'll get the next people be cool I get paid to drive around enjoy the city check out the city beautiful fresh air today nice weather let's say it's raining I'm in this cool rainstorm every breath I take feels good god I've got a cool family my kids are cool great friends I live with my live in the modern era of society we've got smart phones cool laptops and all sorts of movie great movies that cost hundreds of millions to create that I can watch for 10 bucks at the theater I could sneak in if I want you don't give me sex right so when you when you feel that you feel that gratitude now the sudden it's putting it out to the world I'm ready to receive I get it and when the universe sees that you're ready to receive the universe gives more total sOooo so decides not provable and yet look at your own eyes okay you don't need a double-blind study just look at it make your own opinion so ironically the guy who needs it the most that same taxi driver you go to him and you say you know what you know those people you're jealous of they didn't cheat the system you know they don't have rich parents I mean maybe they did but maybe they didn't there's lots of cases that didn't and you live in this modern era there's so much to be grateful for but they can't feel that now again coping versus driving why do we cope we cope we have that mechanism to cope because it's actually there to protect us it's there to save energy in times of scarcity you follow this really critical why do we have the coping paradigm in the first place why is there periods in the world of real scarcity is there appearance in the world where there's just low food it's very negative violence and that actually is reality over to the dark ages we research that it's not what is like that like 13 hundreds or something you guys heard about this like 582 what depending on the right just like 800 years of violence like like okay thanks that okay thousands of violence murder you know no food like the only the only people holding the wisdom of the world together is like the churches like storing this like little Volta wisdom Oh like bad people like beat on the outside the church like just chaos black plagues and and during those periods maybe perhaps there that coping mechanism is to men is to make you save energy but the problem is that same mechanism it gets lodged in right it like it gets it gets locked in like a pitbull and so it happens is the person they get locked into it and it becomes a sort of to me self-fulfilling prophecy stay with me cellphone crossing if you believe that women are mean they don't like a guy without a full head of hair will you find evidence of that why because you approach expecting rejection you approach with this weird creepy vibe and as a result girls blow you off left and right what if you're in a thriving vibe you offer value good emotions and responsiveness to every situation and here and everybody views your friend you remember the competitive versus collaboration frame competitive versus clabber different competitive I'm gonna beat the girl and pass the test and beat her collaborative she's already my friend so when you have that like everybody's already my friend why do we have that why do we leave that open vulnerability because some people might hear about the collaborative frame and go it's a hard world everybody's not your friend that's stupid you know they could be right there it's not completely wrong there's many situations where that's true and if you're too much attached to like collaboration frame and expansive energy and sharing you walk in a rough neighborhood you could get fleeced that's why people interrupt neighborhood probably have that coping mindset it's there for a purpose we have that that lack of vulnerability competitiveness and aggression and and pessimism and skepticism for a purpose that is real sometimes but the problem is in our you know if we want to evolve is that in our society where a lot of things are good if we can dislodge the we can eliminate that cellphone prophecy and instead of instead of being like this black hole where you're always sucking off people and people are creeped out you suddenly becoming you're contracted you suddenly get an expansive energy and when you have expansive energy here's what happens well you're in the contracted energy you're always looking for the win-lose for yourself at least typically so you might go into a deal and you want a tea well the other person gets twenty okay good for you you got a tea the other person got twenty good for you but that a tea that you get is the only thing you're gonna get what if you're like you know what I'm gonna give ten times more than I receive every deal I do I get twenty everybody else gets a tea what happens to your life 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 s everywhere meanwhile the one guy gets a tee he get says 180 clings to it let the precious right you ever seen Lord of the Rings right and he's all like he's the Gollum he's all like dark energy low vibration energy the precious he's got a cling to it versus the sharing energy uplifting transparent abundant sharing right expansive instead of light instead of contracted dense so I teach this in pickup for example because I want you to have a light expansive sharing energy so that other people want to be around you so that when you go say hi what's up good to meet you and the girls like lighting up they're loving you instead of being in a contracted energy you're like what's up and then the girls are freaking out I need a better tactic what's the tactic here good god and you're like you just say hi and you know I tried that you don't give me this whoo whoo oh I need a method right and both people are right right if you believe that women are nice and in collaborative you're gonna meet like 80% women you meet you know I don't know exactly the statistic but a lot are gonna be super friendly what's up boom make it out everything I think most girls are mean you'll find evidence of that too so you've got to get out of that you got it see when you're when you're in coping you're so deeply this is the key so pay attention when you're in coping you're so deeply trapped in your own thoughts you can't be responsive to a situation what am i doing when I speak right this bigger I've taught stuff like this but I'm creating this out of thin air why am i creating this out of thin air where where am I getting this from am i largely thinking of this seminar or am I getting it like as I say from source where am I getting it from okay I'm not trying to be weird like all the swords no like that this is something anybody could do this isn't like unique to me okay I'm not like I look at my beard I'm talking to God like was he it's simple just get out of your own way come from a thriving sharing paradigm and the words come to you why how my toe just go off like this am I thinking what I'm doing this my awareness is it stuck in here how I look where's my awareness is to share with you why do you hear me from the back perfectly why am I not having a lot of um xenos I mean maybe I might assume I'm not maybe I'm okay because I want to share so it's coming to me I'm letting it come to me when you guys are watching me do game here where is all this coming from I'm letting it come to me that's why it's natural do I get in coping mindset yes I do yes and it is awkward and weird and creepy and then when I see myself doing that I go dude chill don't be coping get out your own way just share with the girls no expectations enjoy and then I slowly crawl my way out of it and then the set starts flying open so that's why I'm so passionate about it so I talk about it all the time I think some people see me talking about this or like I need tactics I'm like look I love tactics I teach tactics but this is a tactic like I don't view this as like save the whales this is a Machiavellian pimp like this is like if you care about amazing results and you care about measureable results maybe get a little out of your paradigm of like I'm gonna stay in coping and get this perfect meth it's a chill bro chill you'll see guys that are in coping because they start getting black bags under their eyes you know the stereotype of like people that are evil they often get like black bags I'm like the golem like it eats them you can see the low vibration energy that pain bodies Eckhart Tolle call the pain body eats them you can see it physically eating them when you're in a high vibration say to sharing state your present your prop in my I in my opinion very subjective I think you're less likely to get a lot of wrinkles on your face I'm 37 what do you sing my body's not filled with cortisol it's not clasping how do you feel when you're clasping how do you feel tight you ever feel your eyes start clenching what do you want it to work you ever feel that you feel tense you overanalyze then you try to compensate with a line I'm a know kind of weird for me to make savings like look at my wrinkles it's getting pretty weird zone but I'm trying to reshoot her so when you're watching the infield footage here the basis of my game is coping versus driving when I public speak in my business is coping versus driving I'm trying to thrive if I could work long hours on my business I'm coming from a thriving frame doesn't mean I'll never up doesn't mean my couldn't crumble around my face it's not it doesn't work like that every truth is about I have truth there's I still have a very deep technical know-how and I still have a lot of how-to in my head but the basis the basic frame and actually that lets me rely on that less is the coping versus driving so rather than being give or feel like you're in your head like maybe you'd ask a question right now and you feel kind of like you're in your head and you don't even know if you should ask the question and it's kind of something you really want it you really want to have answered and it's kind of and you kind of blurted out that you're wondering if it was good and then you wait to see how people respond you ever feel like that in the classroom you ever had in a classroom you're just kind of in the zone and you almost just shout out the question and everybody's like wow great question you ever have that so that's the coping versus driving right the guy who's in the audience who's like oh right and it's like kind of out of line with the train of thought of what everyone's learning using coke fair enough look we're all here to learn right I'm not like cope and get him and ostracizing right he's here to learn so that I want to help but at the same time what you get is where if you're thriving it's more natural like you ever have like that like that Town Hall scene where everybody's debating and all of a sudden like one guy the back stands up and everybody turns around and listens you know that stereotype that's what I'm talking about here it's a guy who's out of this like pain body and he shares that's what I'm trying to communicate to you and you see this when I do exercises in videos that you might have seen me do where a guy is speaking and he's quiet and I bring him up to the front and I and I and I may get him laughing and jumping and things like that because you can't change emotion with logic you can only change the emotion with action say this with me you can't change the emotion with logic you change emotion with action so I get him taking action he gets out of his own way shifts his emotions and get some thriving when you're speaking in a way where you can't be heard of the back it's because you haven't joined the group had gone into collaboration so you're stuck in your own head and you're like I don't want it I don't want to speak to be heard because I could be judged and and it might hurt my boys and I think I'm talking loud enough and you believe this and your mind is so real so when you speak in a way that carries to the back and it shares and people are all listening to you and they're really listening and they're really tuned in that's because you're sharing people sense like that's coming almost from somewhere else they're there to share with me that's where your power comes from so in a way by becoming less you become more ironically that that that angry stereotype of the taxi driver he's actually more because he's the sum total of his victim identity and his negative beliefs and all these likes negative self healing processes dense energy where some kind just kind of skipping down the street he's kind of out of his own way sharing good energy he's actually less but ironically by becoming less you become more so to thrive you actually become less and expand it's a paradox any question about excite or infield footage but if there's what questions about it are gonna get great questions quick one force yourself take action emotions not changed logic is taken with action that guy in the cab you don't part of wise piss sitting down a lot right it's part of it's a little bit of why I mean maybe oversimplifying may be a little judgmental but I kind of believe that right he's sitting you stagnating yeah louder so okay what I want to know is that you talked about oh by the way ever love this concept thanks great man up this hot seat is really messed up really quick Thank You Man thank you okay good okay talked about one he talked about adding value right yeah having positive emotions puts that third one that I really can't get so it's like you see that girl you see you feel to the situation you see her walking she's trying to get somewhere you don't go hey stop you walk with her you pull back a bit maybe you disqualify a little bit you tease her a little bit she warms up and then you stop her you can feel it right you go to lean in like a lot of time you'll see me go to lean in to hug I see I see a microsecond of her uncomfortable and I back off I put my hands behind with that she goes boom and hugs me you feel into the situation for what's needed you instinctively feel into it I'd add emotions to me is joking smiling pumping your own neurotransmitters like we talked about earlier just sharing that energy about loss a transference value is just you're a man you're not creepy that adds valuating of itself you're clearly an alpha male and feeling into the situation is you know like the friends the friends are all freaking out trying to pull her away and you say we're going to go here and you feel the situation what would be a win-win and they feel it and that's very powerful maybe quick question like I didn't post a lot of videos with home with Luke and Max about it hmm it's it's you care the most but you care the least and that allows you to be fluid you take the most action but your disattached from the process the bhagavad-gita which is a spiritual text can talk about that any other quick questions I want to move on from this quick ones go ahead yeah you were saying something about the guy last questions early on calibrated did you talk to Julian during his last free tour in New York no I didn't ask me because me and Paul we were there and we were like talking about this one guy I couldn't understand it's a life what was going on and said it was like at the high end Julian wasn't talking about just like basic pickups up talking about like ultimate happiness in life and how to get that it was like the height of like what he was going to deliver and this guy out of nowhere interrupted him and from 500 people it was like Julian you're my pickup god teach me how to get the girl and - it was like everyone was like yeah sucks the energy out of the room yeah believe it in it's like an improv skit the best improv errs the worst improv ursin I've done improv and I struggle with it I struggle with Ollie why do you think I speak passionately about these concepts I have struggled and can still be challenged by these concepts so great improv errs they engage the whole group and they create this beautiful skit together they you know the joke comes out and they had good emotions value and responsiveness that joke and everybody comes together it makes a grace cadet who here has ever been like UCB theater like United Citizens Brigade or Second City these beautiful improv groups you got to check them out they're amazing now what happened there was julian is sharing a concept at the energies building and he sharing the energy in the room is growing and that guy he's in coping so he's gonna go I mean in theory just based on your description and then he would go off he's talking about happiness and offering value and getting over emotional trauma I need I need to get laid in this free tour is about to end probably doesn't even want to pay the couple bucks to do a cheap-ass hot seat because he's in taker mode where he might actually learn that he needs it now at the expense of five hundred people and for free and what's happening is like he is building it he's too much in coping now to be know what's okay as a t-shirt social dynamics we understand where that's coming from because you wouldn't be here if you didn't need help right if he's saying Julie you're my pickup god he loves Julie he's one of Julian's fan weren't there to help him but like I have know anybody that comes to a seminar it is still in that coping mode and a little bit disruptive I still put that guy in a pedestal and here's why there's millions of people I got on the street with no idea they have a problem if guys here he's in the right place I got no problem at least he has an idea that he needs some help I was the worst of anybody at this to be honest it seems like he didn't even want but like he didn't even want to get laid like it actually it seems so detached from like being a better person and like getting the information that it seemed like he it was so weird I could it what you just described there let me let me describe it for you what was happening was he thinks it is ego that getting later to make him happy but he probably is so not in a state of gratitude that if he actually had sex he wouldn't even enjoy the experience so you see a lot of guys learning game where they finally do get laid there like it wasn't even what I thought because their mind isn't trained and energetically they're not in a position and mentally they're coping not thriving to actually let it in and have gratitude for that sexual experience so now they go from girl to girl to girl trying to validate this empty hole so you probably felt you're like this guy's saying he wants to get laid but even if got laid he'd still be stuck in this paradigm and he thinks it would make him feel better but it wouldn't not sit now now people didn't take that too far go you should never get laid because you're just thinking it will make you happy sex is wonderful so that's also wrong but you won't also be able to enjoy it see it's the science of achievement and the art of appreciation so what you saw there though was a guy who was disconnected he and remember earlier when I said the people who needed the most it falls on deaf ears the people who need it the most like even me saying this the people who needed the most falls on deaf ears would hear me say this and they're like I said the red flashlight and the green flashlight they can't perceive it and therefore they would take it as trickery they'd be like he's saying that the people that need the most don't get it as an excuse for these lies that you really need the secret trick and I'm there there are books like spiral dynamics that talk about how to get deeper into that paradigm and relate and resonate with people on that level I understand it you'll see you will see me at times talking about a higher concept guys not getting a go hey dude do you want to chicks do you want to some chicks do you want to get some and get some money and they're like oh look the money the chicks right like the precious the precious right like don't like the Gollum right the precious right and then I go come here come here right and then and I switch them around I transform and then he's like I bow oh and then oftentimes I start to cry so that's because it's easy to look down on those guys have you never been in that paradigm of course so that's why I get so paranoid sometimes I look a bit irritated because I say that you're irritated by your shadow you see yourself in them and you're like this is right but really what you're doing is going this is don't do that sometimes I see homeless people on the street begging for money and I'm like no like that because a part of me just wants to stop working hard and just sit there and get free money right but I had to train myself out of that so yeah I mean we've all felt it right so in the same way you know when you see someone coping you might be like that guy but really who are you really saying that guy that guy don't do that don't cope don't cope it's really not about him it's about you if you feel a visceral reaction and your goal is to help that guy and actually funny enough many of those guys I drag up in front of me have that experience they start to cry and they'll text me years later saying like oh my god I wouldn't say that like they truly have this permanent transformation forever because they like went crazy in front of the crowd but it at least gives them an awareness of it that even if they sink back into coping they could remember vaguely what it was like almost like taking a hallucinogenic drug and you're like I love everybody right later you hate everybody and you're like but I remember at one point I loved it it gives you a reference experience so at least you can provide that you know if they took like a longer course maybe we can dig deeper but in that moment in a free tour it's just a free tour so you try to give them a reference experience you know but thank you for sharing this great example I'll take maybe one two more cards like I gotta move the video it's all I made another video about this you have to give and receive I will spend 80% of my time making free videos doing free tours but I also have to spend time doing product launches sometimes people will will sugar will have like like begrudge that right let they think that there should be these like free video shot by full-fledged camera teams well-lit shot in 4k in beautiful cities with free field and the second you go to sell something like this like this and it's like where do you think this comes from like like you do you think that I'm just so with the law of abundance that I just I just wake up with piles of cash on my bed to keep doing this right so you also have to receive it's important for me to spend most of my time giving but it's also important for me to go the spa sauna eat healthy take herbs supplements sleep in a pitch-black room spend time with friends spend time having sex and to recharge myself and rejuvenate myself spiritually and physically and emotionally because then what I can do is I can share more so it's important to learn how to make yourself strong because when you make yourself strong you can offer more a guy like Warren Buffett can offer more than you know the philanthropist who never had a job but he's just like making paintings and cool art about his hatred of homelessness you know where's the guy Warren Buffett can offer more different opinions on him right controversy and stuff right but the general idea that if you could just say that so you want to be good at receiving a lot of people give a compliment but you give them a compliment they ignore it somebody gives me a compliment I want say thank you man I don't want to let it sink in I don't want to enjoy that what I did a nice meal I want to enjoy that you know what I'm having sex a beautiful woman I want to spawn and really enjoy that so that I can go back to die spend um you know about eight hours today having sex with her in the back and I did that specifically because I knew I was going to come here and give everything I have by me having sex with her all day how much better is a seminar what do you think so you can thank her kind of a kind of a bizarre putting it but you know you see my point right so you know I'll take some nice herbs like sometimes ginseng some really fancy jinxing cordyceps reishi mushroom turmeric all different right gree I'll have a nice beautiful salad enjoy it take it in sleep in a nice pitch-black room relax and then I go and I give my marketing guy McHale I was with Luke and we were gonna and he was so overworked did you guys see Luke's promotion for social circle burn he looks exhausted right there's quite the story behind that I went dig too deep in that but he just been working so hard he's under so much stress so I took Luke out to lunch and I was joking around them and Mikhail he didn't understand the method to my madness he said dude we got to go this lunch it we got to go we gotta get the sale dad done I was like slow down enjoy let him in charge a bit but then Mikhail didn't let him in happen so it was a mistake even though Mikhail was the more professionally responsible one and the brilliant amazing marketer you see that but then he saw that and much like how he's taught me a lot I taught him something that day okay so you know if I go to do say a sales at myself I don't sit there stressing over it I go relax have some fun and I just roll into it turn the camera knock it out beautiful right so you want to receive and give and it's funny because when I walk down the street this is this preposterous example I feel weird talking about this but I feel it's very evocative and illustrative people walk up and hand me money random on the street all the time I'll have friends at a restaurant where I'll go to the bathroom I come back and they're like dude this guy just walked up and gave me money and he was crying and he said to give it to you it's very common that people instinctively just start handing me money why does that happen because when you give the universe wants to give back and they feel that impulse in them to give back so part of it is that when you share people reciprocate but at the same time you also have to you also have to be ready to receive if let me give an explanation if I do a free tour a beautiful free tour but I don't let people know that maybe I'm doing say a hot seat that weekend what number of sales you think I get zero wouldn't you think it'd be five percent or 10 percent it's zero if I don't say I'm open to receiving zero nobody will be in this room but if I if I if I give a great event and four even five seven minutes at the end I talk about what the hot seat is what you could expect to see what you'll enjoy what features and benefits you'll get out of it and why you should sign up right now and get started if I just do that simple thing just five seven minutes out of a five hour event 40% of women come to sign up frequently you have to be open to receiving you have to be okay with receiving a lot of the hippy granola people aren't too okay to receive and therefore they'll never give their biggest gift as soon as I get the money from that hot seat what am i doing like better camera better camera team's better gear I'm going to more beautiful place to shoot I'm bringing out guys into the field to shoot more something I'm putting up stuff for free you see that skim a bit off the top for myself to enjoy a nice meal I'm back at it it's a beautiful thing it's win-win it's good for everybody but notice see there's this this experiment that they do where they get two people together and they take a $20 bill follow this I'll wrap up this then we're gonna move on they take a $20 bill and they say you get to choose how much he gets but if he chooses he can make it that both of you get nothing the average person if they if you say if he says or if you say fifty-fifty he'll say yes it's a sense of justice right they call that sense of justice sense of fairness you have fifty-fifty he'll say yes you both get 10 bucks if you say you'll keep 12 he'll keep aides he'll usually say yes if you say you'll keep 14 he'll keep six a lot of people say no say that you're gonna keep 19 he's going to keep one most people say no if you guys had some buddies have 20 bucks and it's going to be split and you could choose but you could say everybody gets zero if he gave you one and he kept 19 would you say yes or no you probably caught the trick by thinking about it most people say no but it's actually rational why because you still got a dollar you wouldn't get it set but it's a sense of justice so it's not to say not to have personal boundaries or to receive but not like if I spend like 85% of my time making videos and my business does say 10 million a year in revenues and really most of what I do like like I live in a phat crib but I find people that just want to come let me live with them I don't even have to like pay huge amounts for that you know like I like I buy nice clothes but I actually get that on such steep discount because a lot of the clothing store companies want me to show the clothing in my videos kissee what I do is strategic I use social dynamics to live a rich life social dynamics learning real social dynamics is meant to save you money it's meant to get you free tables free people that want you to live with them also contribute a lot but you see my point right it's like you use your social skills you offer value you get value back so that being the case what you want to do is you want like really if I spend all my time offering I'm not really getting back that much compared out my heart I'm working but I'm still getting back way more than the average person you see that offer 10x offer 10x you get what you get one for every ten you offer but you still wind up with way more than everybody else look think of it this way we'll wrap with this guy if you go to a club and you open everybody and you make everybody up on that night you go out dudes you chop tux fat girls talk to everybody make everybody have fun you just made three four hundred people have a great time you take home one girl and maybe you only take home a girl a week is that a good deal a lot of people say no the same logic 19 to 1 no but at the same time if you're taking on a beautiful girl a week that's fifty girls a year so you're still way ahead of the game true Thanks that's why I feel mad so mmm Midianites reason so but you guys get the generality okay look I've started a lot of broad strokes here yeah I think you could really pick a lot of holes in what I'm saying I think a lot of it's very pseudoscience see I'm not trying like disavow responsibility for I'm saying whether or not you take what I say at face value like it's an exact science at least I hope it's stimulating your ideas on it I don't think any of us are perfect this I'm certainly not but it's just a general flow for how I'm getting these types of results and again like you were saying that guy who came to Julian's conference and he's like well I need the line right ironically this it falls on deaf ears it's the people who are into this vibe are like this is beautiful Wow and the people who don't who can't see it they're just like it because they're locked in that paradigm someday I hope to to reach Mele a paradigm oftentimes I use the transformational experience and the crazy exercises or bring people to the front to try to reach them to show them something different to show them how to draw from source to offer value and to get into a flow because when you're in coping it's like this and no and nobody wants to share so you're stuck clinging on what you have in thriving you share but you you may give out way more than you ever got back but but why are you able to give out way more because it's coming from source you don't have to do all that when I go up here to do speech I don't have to do the speech do you see that I just got to get out of the way let it flow out I'm doing some of it but I'm not doing all of it I can let a lot of it flow I'm directing the energy but really I'm just letting the energy come through so the so I actually get energized from the giving when I make a beautiful video I'm getting energized from doing it when I go teach a bootcamp I'm getting advertising you guys have been on my bootcamp at the end of night of boot camp to have more energy or less energy weird right I get there I'm kind of in this like taker mode like I want to just get stuff you know cuz like I've been goes about my day maybe trying to recharge then I get out there start sharing and my energy goes up it's not a hundred percent like that you do need to recharge don't get me wrong but just this is new material to me I've taught it before but it's it's still something I'm beginning to understand I wouldn't say I understand it perfectly I would say that I'm probably splitting it in some ways more relatable to an oracy audience in other place I've seen it explained I'm trying my best but I would say that like you know don't don't go too far down the pseudo-science path stay balanced every truth is about a half truth don't don't get so bought into a philosophy that you wind up sacrificing yourself and your life up over it try to use common sense I'm not saying that to disavow responsibility from what I'm saying I'm just trying to communicate in a way that's relatable and that's impactful and it can help as opposed to like having people believing what I'm saying it at point like you know at face value and not questioning it you should be skeptical you should kind of try to think how it relates to you and and kind of find the holes in what I'm saying and because the map isn't the territory like what I'm saying is the map but that's not always a territory maybe you need to get grumpy maybe sometimes you need to stop black half you know is that right maybe you need to get petty maybe need to be like these you know right like sometimes you just need to do that that's cool but in general you want to be thinking to yourself like like how can I move towards that ideal is it's not it's not like you you arrive at a destination it's a journey in and of itself which you make goals towards arriving at and then as you get older as your physical body fails you you grow in essence so as you as the form fades you grow in essence so something Eckart Tolle talks about okay so the form is fading but you're growing in in essence right you're you're getting more out of your way you're becoming less but more is flowing through you does that make sense all right you guys enjoy that all right

Channel: Owen Cook Free Tour

Views: 154,700

Rating: 4.8881578 out of 5

Keywords: coping vs thriving, coping versus thriving, washington, red shirt, expansion, growth, self help, personal growth, taxi, seminar, guru, tony robbins, eckhart tolle, stephen covey, circle of concerns, 7 habits, how are you, social skills, social, emotional intelligence, happy, happiness, depression, health

Id: zYmFAWvk0TU

Length: 61min 14sec (3674 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 21 2016