Next, I’m gonna prepare the vegetables. What the? Aah! Aaaaah! The sea is full of bizarre, almost alien creatures. We have two videos that just scratch the surface of the strange bizarre world, and there’s still more to find. Like this thing! Posted to Tik Tok by user natalie1526n, we can clearly see something that was fished out of the bay in New York City. What the hell, what is that, mom! What? What? Ma you see this? No? Holy sh— what the hell is that? What is happening? You guys see this? But what exactly that something is, has been a matter of debate. Some say it looks like an octopus, others claim it’s some kind of Demogorgon as seen in Stranger Things. So what is this thing, and more importantly, why do I have to go back to the terror of the open sea? When it comes to strange deep sea creatures, it doesn’t get much more viral than the blobfish. Named the World’s Ugliest Animal in 2013 by the Ugly Animal Preservation Society, the smooth-head blobfish, or psychrolutes marcidus, looks like a sad clown on velvet and is native to the waters around Australia from Broken Bay in New South Wales down to Southern Australia and Tasmania. Kinda reminds me of one of those little blob characters from Mr. Men and Little Miss… Yeah yeah I know, I know, kinda like Mr. Rude! Or Mr. Silly without the hat and more frowning. Unlike the Mr. Men, blobfish live at depths between 2000 and 4000 feet (609-1219 m) beneath the surface. These deep sea dwellers were largely unknown, until a certain viral photograph elevated them to ugly animal stardom. But that might be a little unfair to our friend the blobfish, because they don’t really look like this. In their natural high-pressure habitat, they look a little different. Now that’s a facetune. Look at that guy, just chillin’. The thing about living at such incredible depths is that you need to develop certain adaptations in order to not be crushed under the sheer pressure of the water. For example, many fish have a gas filled sac called a swim bladder that helps them control their buoyancy. However, the blobfish doesn’t—just like its deep sea neighbours the anglerfish, sharks and rays. Under 2000 feet (609 m) of pressure, a swim bladder would just implode. The blobfish is also notable for their ability to live up to 130 years, which is a long time to sit around and do nothing. They also don’t have muscles or a skeleton, and are composed of a sort of gelatin-like substance that is just slightly less dense than water, allowing them to float just above the ocean floor. Amusingly, while blobfish will eat just about any food that floats in front of their face, they’re not particularly appetizing themselves. The blobfish’s skin is acidic, and that gelatinous structure doesn’t make for good eating—so it’s ironic that their greatest threat is fishers. Ohh, okay that makes sense. No it doesn’t. How does anyone fish that deep? Well, blobfish are caught through the ecologically damaging practice of “bottom trawling”, where a large net is dragged across the ocean floor in an attempt to catch commercial fish. This practice is used off the West coast of the United States to catch fish like rockfish and Pacific cod. Since the blobfish’s body is meant to survive at 2000 feet (609 m) below sea level, they rapidly depressurize when they’re dragged up and well… without the pressure they transform about as quickly as a mimic octopus—except in a much less survivable way. But where the blobfish may be ugly, or so ugly it’s cute depending on taste, here’s a deep sea creature that’s closer to the norm. That is to say, horrifying! Meet the goblin shark, prowler of the depths and next in line for the role of Green Goblin. Notable for its distinctive nose and jaws— gaww, just look at that, awful, opening wide to reveal the darkness within, just before they clamp down around me and snuff out all light leaving me lost in the pits of hell! Sorry about that. The goblin shark can be found in the Atlantic, Indian, and Pacific oceans, and is particularly common around the coast of Japan. So common that Japanese fishers who reportedly caught them started drawing comparisons to the long snouted mythological creatures tengu, earning them the nickname of tengu-zame, anglicized as “goblin shark”. Like the blobfish, the goblin shark can be found as deep down at 4265 feet (1300 m) below sea level, but unlike our blobby friends, they swim to shallower depths. In fact, juvenile goblin sharks have been known to swim within 90 feet (27 m) of the surface. So you could actually see one while diving. Eugh. The goblin shark usually grows between 10 and 12 feet long, with the current record being 12.6 feet (3-3.6 m) long and weighing in at 463 pounds (210 kg). Ok, but I really gotta ask, what is with that nose? Well, this nose-like-facial protrusion is coated in pores that pick up on electrical fields from other fish allowing it to “smell” and track the electrical signals of its prey before swooping in for a meal. It seems like it would be hard to get around that with their little mouths. Right you are, and that’s why the goblin shark’s jaw can shoot forward at ten feet a second. The goblin shark can do this because its jaw is attached to its body with three-foot long (~90 cm) flaps of skin that can unfold from the rest of its snout. This particular method of feeding is known as “slingshot feeding”. Its mouth can also open by 111 degrees, compared to the 85 degree maximum of humans. Oh, and if you were wondering why it seems to have a toothy grin all of the time, that’s because its teeth don’t all fit in its mouth. So, what about that mystery catch seen in New York City? Was it a deep sea monster, a squid of some sort, or something totally new? The answer is far simpler than you may think. It’s a ray. What, like a manta ray? Doesn’t look anything like that! Well no, not a manta. A clearnose skate, to be precise. If you look closely, you can see the tail, the little mouth flaps, and the fins curled up over the rest of its body. Some TikTok users speculated this was due to the skate being deformed or underdeveloped, with others saying that it might be curling up like a ball to protect itself. The clearnose skate is common across the East coast of the US and northern Mexico, meaning it’s not even unusual in New York. It just goes to show, sometimes when you look closely, what seems to be a mystery is easily explained. While other times, something that seems quite simple turns out to be completely insane! Meet the Portugese Man o'War. Yeah, yeah, it’s a big jellyfish. What’s so special about that? The fact that it’s not a jellyfish. Wait, what?! Named for its visual similarity to a Man o’War warship at full sail, the Portugese Man o’War is a siphonophore, meaning that it’s made up of colonies of genetically-identical organisms. Each Man o’War is composed of different polyps. There are four notable categories of polyps, the first being the float, which is an individual polyp that inflates with gas, sometimes as tall as 15 cm (5.9 in), and floats atop the water. The polyp is available in a variety of lovely blues, pinks, and purples that hide the horror beneath. Other polyps include the capturing tentacles, which are exactly what they sound like. Catching small fish and other potential prey, paralyzing them with barbs containing a painful neurotoxin. This newly acquired food is then passed up by the feeding tentacles, which transport the stunned prey up to the underside of the Man o’ War’s float where they’re digested in baglike stomachs, after which the nutrients are shared between the different organisms in the colony. These tentacles can hang as far down as 165 feet (50 m) below the float, which would be a terrifying thing for a fish to get caught in while swimming along. Thankfully, the Man o’ War’s barbs won’t paralyze a human— but they still pack a painful punch, and can sting you even weeks after they’ve washed up ashore. The last organism making up the Man o’ War is the breeding polyps, which seek to procreate using a method called “broadcast spawning”. This method involves female and male Man o’ Wars releasing their eggs and sperm respectively into a water column all at once, to increase the likelihood of fertilization. So you’re telling me, it’s actually four animals in one? Yeah, imagine each Man o’ War as basically being four kids in a trenchcoat. The depths of the ocean are a strange, mysterious place. It’s not a coincidence that creatures from the unexplored reaches are an inspiration when creating alien worlds. But, it’s good to take a moment and acknowledge the strange beauty found in the creatures down there… or the terror that those things can strike into our hearts. I mean those jaws! Gah! Can't get enough fear and dread? I recommend watching the newest episode of On The Hill, where these powerless meatbags tackle the perils of Phasmaphobia. Ugh Chill, you gotta leave me alone if I’m gonna get a look at this ghost. No. I’m really excited to be playing with you all again. Are we friends? Gotta get out of there man, you gotta get out get out get out.
