The Truth About My Sexuality - Am I Demisexual?

everything about the situation makes so much sense on paper and yet no bean salute [Music] this video is sponsored by displayed i really love mine a super safe and easy to put up with no wall damage no tools and no nails for someone with dangerous tics and living in a rented house this has been a great solution there are loads of cool designs from naturescapes to computer game characters all in high quality print on metal get 20 off your order by using the link in the channel description below so i wanted to talk about demosexuality and one of the reasons why i wanted to talk about demosexuality is because a lot of you had questions from one of my videos where i talked about trying to hook up with my gas man and that was an epic failure and if you want to find out what a tragedy my love life is you might want to go check out that video but um what it presented me with was a lot of questions and a kind of a lot of misconceptions about demosexuality and i didn't know i was a demisexual until quite late in my life um my early 20s was when i found out and before then it was kind of a bumpy ride discovering who i was and understanding what on earth was up with me because in the beginning of my life i did not feel conventional attraction to anybody at all and this was a bit of a problem because i was kind of raised with a stepsister who was obsessed with boys had loads of posters on her walls of boys and was like i like this one and that one and i dig this one but not that one and i like his nose and i like his face and i'm like his cute little butt oh my god which one do you like can i be like uh what i'd never ever fallen for a stranger and that was my first clue that something was slightly different about me but my mom is thirsty as [ __ ] um and that was also a little bit of an issue oh my god look at this hot man like she's been sending me screenshots of uh the witcher the witcher series and there's this hot handsome man with his hair billowing in the wind and he's like all masculine and stuff and he looks like a lumpy vacu-peck bag of potatoes and all these lumps are shiny as [ __ ] oh my god oh my god have you seen this yet oh my god and i'm just like yep that's that's a human in the bathtub thanks for that man but when i was young i didn't know that that was okay so i'd just be like huh yeah that one's cute ah um but i didn't show an interest in men and my mom was kind of worried she was like i'm gonna get some grandkids someday right i was like ah yeah and i frantically scribbled in this diary that i hid underneath my dirty washing so i knew she'd find it um saying that i fancied the socks off this boy just because i was like uh there's something up with me and i haven't figured it out yet um so i i kind of had a little bit of an issue with not fancying people at an early age as i got a little bit older i kind of i didn't really know how to navigate the world or romance but i did start feeling mild attraction to people and i didn't know how to feel about it but it came on suddenly with people that i was friends with and after a certain amount of familiarity and connection and closeness suddenly ping oh what's this weird tingly feeling whenever i'm near them why do i always think about them why do i want to be near them all the time like i was starting to feel attraction and love but it was in a weird order like never with strangers never with people just because i looked at them never just because of the way they looked so i did have a couple of girlfriends and i thought oh i'm just gay that was it i'm cool i wouldn't say that demosexual is specifically linked to homosexuality i would say that um for me personally uh since bodies does don't matter i'm attracted to both sexes but there are plenty of straight demosexuals and i assumed i was gay for a little while and then i liked a boy and i was like oh okay wait and it was a boy i'd known for quite a while at least a year so i developed a bond with him and i didn't feel anything for him and then all of a sudden it was like everybody was blurry and then he just came into focus and suddenly i noticed his voice and his body and the way he moved and the way he talked and the things he said and just everything and it was all attractive and what this has meant as well is that there is a lot of body diversity like i have dated people of all different body types um one of them was very very slim one of them was kind of i had a little bit of extra padding um and you know one of them actually had a really uh conventionally attractive kind of buff bod and i was equally attracted to all all of them like their body shape came to represent something that i really deeply loved and therefore became attractive through that lens kind of like rose tinted glasses i guess um so i can feel physical attraction but i'll feel physical attraction to odd things like someone's adam's apple or like i don't know the shape of their belly button or um the way that their voice sounds and things like that like it won't necessarily be all the things that typically are the checklist for people who feel attraction i ended up in a really long time relationship and i initially had a lot of connection with him but as i started to drift from him and feel less and less into him i noticed that i didn't have any sexual outlet anymore because i didn't feel attraction to him and i didn't feel attraction to anybody and i kind of needed something to you know how everyone else can just watch porn well when i watch porn it's kind of like watching people dance but without the music it just looks kind of weird and crazy and a little bit funny and i don't really i don't really feel the same way about it as everybody else does so i couldn't ever like have a bean salute at like a naked person a picture of a naked body and i couldn't ever really get the same level of stimulation out of seeing two people have sex i looked online i was like why don't i feel feelings of attraction was what's up with me um and there was lots of people talking about asexuality and i thought have i turned asexual um but then i discovered through the asexual community demisexuals and that word was like oh and then i read the definition i was like hello and then i took a quiz and i was like [ __ ] hundred percent i am completely demosexual i am really really demisexual and that means there's a word for it and that means that there are other people out there like this and that's amazing a lot of the confusion regarding me and my demosexuality is that i complimented i dared to compliment someone's physical body um in a video at the same time as saying that i need a connection in order to feel attraction so that was the stranger who came to my house he was the gas man and he was like really handsome and prince charming looking and i mentioned that about him as a factor that i noticed and a lot of people were like you can't be demosexual because you found him attractive in that video i was talking about how i met a man he was really lovely he was very kind and gentle and patient he was very accepting of my takes and very interested in my rabbits and he knew a lot about bunny language and how to respect a bun and that really impressed me and i would have loved to talk to him more because he seemed really keen to hang out even though he was on the job and he didn't want to leave and i thought wow i'd love to get him get to know him better one of the things that struck me about me him instantly was that he was beautiful and the thing with that is because i complimented him in my video people thought that i found him hot and physically attractive and that i can't be demisexual i must be in denial but the thing is i have plenty of friends who are beautiful absolutely outlandishly stunning and i still don't want to [ __ ] them so even though i didn't feel like i could have sex with him or i could be aroused by him at that point i was curious about him in the same way that like when you're looking for firewood you can see kindling and know it will burn well even though the flame isn't burning yet you know what would burn well right and by the same token i can see what might interest me and what what might kindle a fire even before i'm actually feeling the flame of attraction like if he'd have said would you like to meet with me in that moment i've been like nope too fast i'm not feeling that yet that that level hasn't happened so the thing is like i think when people say i'm a demisexual i need a connection i need an emotional romantic connection in order to feel physical attraction and some people like i wish i could be like that that sounds so ethical that sounds so moral it sounds so pure and to be honest it's just a bit of an inconvenience i'd love to have more control over my sexuality i'd love to be able to just feel sexual feelings more often i've had massive dry periods where i'm just not attracted to anyone i don't feel any sexual feelings and sexual feelings are fun and really interesting and a great part of the human experience so feel lucky if you can just get aroused by anything or anyone just look at a pretty pretty girl or a pretty guy on the internet and get a hard-on because um you're having a lot more fun than i am and it's hard to date because um how do you say to someone i think you're cool and i think we'd get on really well i have no idea whether or not i want to sleep with you i might know in a year or two till then um watch this space you just can't and you can't expect someone to be loyal to you in that time and date you over and over again for two years in the hopes that maybe one day you'll be attracted to them it's not fair to ask that of anybody so going to the movies once or twice just isn't going to cut it for me demosexuality's over a spectrum so i can't be a measure of what it's like for everybody because it is it is a spectrum so some people tick more boxes or less boxes um on the demosexual spectrum um and some people lean more towards the asexual side of things some people lean more towards the sexual side of things um so i can't be a be all and endure ambassador for demon sexuality i can't tell you exactly what it's like for everyone only for me and um to be honest a lot of the time it's just kind of a pain in the ass um but it means it's very easy to be loyal i've never cheated on anyone i give my full focus to people and one of the perks is i get more and more attracted to someone the longer i'm with them and yeah it's been one of those things that i'm so glad i found out about um even though it took me ages to understand and when i was going through uni there are a lot of guys who are hitting on me i was stuck in a class with 40 boys as one girl they were all directing a lot of sexual attention to me wow and um i told them i was gay it didn't stop them they were like well you just need to find the right guy and it just happens to be me i told him i was asexual and they're like well you just happened to need to find the right guide it happens to be me um i told them i have a dick um and they were just like well you just need to find the right guy um nothing i told them would stop them and i tried to hide behind asexuality for a long time just because people were hitting on me in a very casual sense in my teens and i was just like back the [ __ ] up i don't feel that way and i didn't understand myself i didn't really understand how my sexuality worked so yeah i'm really relieved that i have a word for it and i've connected to other people who are demisexual and oh boy was that an adventure so yeah i think it's good that there's a word for it and some people are like i don't like labels and we don't need this many labels for sexuality and maybe maybe you're one of those people who doesn't need too much definition to your sexuality but where it really helped me to have this word is meeting other people like it knowing i'm not weird and abnormal knowing that i do have sexual feelings and how they work um because without this word without it kind of helping me to really think through the way i experience my sex drive and everything i was just all over the place and was like what the [ __ ] am i am i bisexual am i gay am i asexual what's going on why don't why why am i either attracted to anybody like i can be attracted to men or women but sometimes it's just not attracted to anyone and why do i keep fluctuating and when i realized it was based around connection everything slotted into place so i'm so glad i understand myself better and i love talking about it because when i talk about it on stream lots of people are like whoa [ __ ] i think i think i'm a demi holy [ __ ] and i see that realization happening in chat sometimes and i'm like you're welcome dude because um it can really really help to contextualize everything and just really shed a light on how how everything works it's great 16 minutes in okay [Music] [Music]

Channel: Sweet Anita

Views: 401,478

Rating: 4.9366331 out of 5

Keywords: sweet_anita, sweet, anita, twitch, top twitch clips, tourettes, twitch clips, top clips, compilation, streamer, sexuality, demi sexual, demisexual, asexual, bi, gay, love, romance, dating, lifestyle, life, demi

Id: 6GUQSmc-EMk

Length: 13min 20sec (800 seconds)

Published: Fri May 29 2020