The Tonight Show (January 16, 1976)

[Music] from hollywood the tonight show starring johnny clark this is epic man with doc severance in the nbc orchestra inviting you to join johnny and his guests doris j rex reed donna theodore expert dale alexander and the mighty carson art players and now ladies and gentlemen [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] oh come on come on i know look i look i have only one body and there's so many of you i just it's very nice how come nobody ever brings me flowers i always get applause but nobody shows up with a little bouquet of pansies or mums or something like that good evening i'm johnny carson i'm here to put an end to your perfect day how's the foot uh i'm gonna get this cast off she can't dunk and i'd get a doctor in los angeles because the slowdown to remove that cast i got it all figured out we're gonna have a band party and one of the guys has got a girlfriend named jaws i'm sure glad we're out at a family hour why don't you go to that urologist you guys with dr stan flyburn he ought to anyway you sound uh you sound good tonight friday night good crowd last night we had a very religious very religious no religious group they were well during the show there was devout silence during the whole that's how religious they were well this sunday is the big is the big game super bowl 10 you believe this is the 10th year they've had the super bowl pittsburgh steelers of course versus the dallas cowboys they estimate the game is going to seem be seen on television by 50 million red-blooded american men or their wives are trying to spill it uh most women most wives are pretty sick of football there is the divorce ball i think following this ball uh no the most women feel about football the same way the rams do they just you know stop uh no next year wait till next year rams will do it next you read the paper today that former president nixon predicted and picked the dallas cowboys by one point well look that was in the paper today nixon says the dallas cowboys by one point but i would not go by nixon he uh he also predicted he would beat the supreme court by one point and that didn't seem to turn out you know what one minute will cost you if you were an advertiser commercial on the super bowl you have any idea no 230 000 a minute you know what it's gonna do if i have to go to the bathroom i'm gonna feel guilty by missing one of those 230 000 what would you do what would you be willing to do for 230 000 a minute now think about it okay now let me ask you this how many of your thoughts involve doing something behind it do not disturb sign okay well what's happening on the political front you know where ronald reagan is he's back in new hampshire he was up in new hampshire went down to florida now he's back in new hampshire trying to nail down the republican nomination for president and for disill in washington trying to nail down furniture is howard hughes alive that was a question was in the paper today and you know who's asking the securities and exchange commission uh want to know if howard uses a lie because there's a lawsuit between hughes air west and the stockholders and they can't resolve it until they find out if howard hughes is alive nobody has seen him for how many years right at least 10 years no one has seen howard hughes would it be funny if howard hughes turned out to be that big bird they've been seeing down in texas he's a billionaire and they call him eccentric there's interesting definition if you were poor they would call you bananas but if you're eccentric you see they don't do that oh you bet that i think the last guy to see howard hughes was his baby doctor and they both wore masks at that time too so nobody really knows why don't we um no don't give me a crutch i don't try say no that's not a bad thing [Applause] actually you hear this one never thought i would go for sympathy old shrapnel wounds um see the stock market yesterday yeah 38 million shares chains hands on the stock market which is a new all-time high the biggest record in volume and people are jumping back into the market it's not that people have any more faith in the economy it's just that the giant corporations have quit giving bribes to foreign countries and they got a lot of money flying around try a one crutch joke you see you got married the heroine of the comic strips brenda starr got married yeah she's been a virgin i guess for well as far as we know uh sure she would be um for something like 36 years and at the ceremony the minister said in the comics if anybody here knows any just reason why this couple should not be married let him speak now or forever hold his balloon feel that little balloon they have coming out here left-handed quest joke the reason brenda the star got married she got a phone call from rex morgan md and he said the rabbit died see most people don't know that speaking of marriages ah did you uh don't do that interesting statistic in the paper today about divorces i think was last year do you know how many divorces they had in the united states anybody see that one million divorces you know what that means but right now there are a million certified checks in the air somewhere over america and i i can account for three of them right here on this show so bad out here in hollywood they have a drive-in divorce court they took over oh they took an old took over an old eye no they bought an old jack in the box and uh you're driving you drive up a voice comes out of the box and says your settlement please and you say i'll have the bed the sofa the chair one of the kids and hold the color tv anyway tonight on the show we have miss doris day who is with us tonight written an interesting book you know because she the image about door station always been that she's been this goody two shoes and the girl next door and she's lived an eventful life we're gonna talk about that tonight rex reed is here tonight we have fine singer came out from new york who's currently appearing in the play back there shenandoah ms donna theodore is with us we also have the mighty carson art players and a gentleman who's written a book called um heron harmony healthy hair and common sense better title would be hair and harmony but he's stuck with that uh no dale alexander's gonna be here to tell you how to have healthy hair uh okay well you may want to know that someday and uh am i leaving anything out that's it we thank you for coming we hope you have fun and we'll be back in just a couple of seconds we'll be back after this message [Applause] [Music] hi there certainly hope you're enjoying the late movie because i had something on my mind and i forgot did you ever do that sure well i have something i just was going to say something and it you're absolutely lying you are holding a piece of a magazine to do it what no that's something i want to talk to doris today about oh did you have dry skin dora's day's got i read this in time magazine this week about what she does for her dry skin sounds fascinating what is it well i'll read it before i bring doors out suffering from dry skin's time magazine maybe a wrinkler to consider the remedy used by actress doris day one night a week she says i make it a practice to cover my entire body forehead to toes with vaseline she revealed that in her book their new book right here called uh her own story written in collaboration with the fine author ae hochner and uh she covers then she puts on a lightweight knock a nightgown final nightgown and sleeps like that she said it does pose some problems if you're sleeping with a man husband or otherwise doris would doris dave wouldn't do that no no not doris kali g you are not a very appetizing number in this condition i don't know it sounds kind of covered with vaseline cool with but vaseline anyway would you welcome it's a it's a good book honest and she tells it about herself would you welcome this doris day [Music] [Applause] hello there what were you saying about me while i was dressing i said i was reading bye guys i was reading you know that little excerpt the time magazine had about you do you've got some tips in the back because you get letters from women all the time has any uh stars do emotional pictures about clothing and makeup and dress and so forth and you have in the back of the book some few little tips on yeah about covering your bod with vaseline very good jumping between the sheets what is that you wear all night yeah i know what it do for me but it's absolutely marvelous really yeah it really is it's very good ladies what don't you just move around a lot you slide around you slide out of bed with what you do yeah no but it's very good for your skin can well i shouldn't do that it's nice to be here john thank you can two people do that i mean is that better wouldn't that be better for both persons if you're married you should both put it on but you came out now this is interesting you've been known as a very private individual most of your life uh you haven't given a lot of interviews and there's been all kinds of stories and magazines about you now all of a sudden you come out in a book and say hey i'm going to tell you all about me how come all of a sudden oh you really want to know sure well jacqueline suzanne who was my very good friend when she got to know me she said um i think that you know with all that's happened to you you're very good humored and cheerful and happy and i can't understand how you could be that way and the more we talked about it she said you really should put it down in the book and i think it could be a good influence right and that is the only reason really one other thing may be that i was always you know the image has been so boring you know the virgin and the goody two shoes and all the nonsense which is you know it's not human and i i wanted to straighten the record and um oscar levant's remark has been quoted over and over again and probably until you're almost sick of it but it was a funny funny remark he was a funny man and he said i knew doris day before she was a virgin i mean that's funny that's funny it's funny but you know in my films i don't know how that happened where it came from because i i was married in most of my films had children in most of my films and if you can be a virgin and do that i mean how do you how do you work that out do you think it's maybe because of the the sexual farce type of comedy you know you played where it was kind of played koi koi maybe that kind of i suppose everything was left to the imagination they were a little bit sexy the comedies with rock hudson and and jimmy garner that was very when that pillow tough example was made and you had the scene with the feet in in bathtubs and the feet were up against footsies that was very daring wasn't it it was then now it's boring i guess i don't know have you seen some of the things that they put out nowadays not many no i i really haven't i don't dig it well are you intrigued by it just to see it so you'll know what it's about i'd go only because that cop i love you research i don't care about it but i just want to see what's going on don't know i see i really know what i said i i feel that i have to sit here and talk to somebody about those kind of pictures if i haven't seen one i really can't express an opinion so i go to see the words i have to use it i have to go see some of those pictures and i couldn't i could not believe some of them i went back to see it again and i still i agree with you i agree with you i think most of them and what i'm talking about are what they call hardcore versus softcore pornography that most of the hardcore panels are dull and they're boring yes that's true they really are now on the other hand if you have a beautiful film which is called softcore and it's beautifully done with attractive people and it is not just obvious it can be a well done film and name one but i should see i thought emmanuel was kind of a pretty picture really yeah i didn't think it was i thought it was a rather interesting picture i'm not plugging the picture i don't even know what is it is it is it uh porno no i wouldn't say that was a pornographic film no it has an x rating because people make love but well do you like no people making love do you really like to watch other people making love [Applause] well now let me put it this way i think there is a little voyeurism in everyone to a certain extent if you are very very honest about it it there is an intriguing thing no i don't go around looking in windows at night uh you know or have any kind of hang-ups i'm only saying that i think if you're normally uh sexually healthy that something well done beautifully done with attractive people can be erotic to a certain extent what does it do for you mix me horny [Music] now you know that word let me check that in the back that word is not in my book you don't use that word horny in your book at all i do i don't think so you know what it means yes i do it's not a dirty word isn't it no horny came from the fact that animals in the spring grow new little horns it has nothing to do with the word that's right well i'm going to straighten that out that's right yeah means that they are ready to uh engage in the rights of spring so plants have to plant the field to till the furrow yeah someday there'll be a church here we're going to raise our children anyway uh we have to take a break and we'll come back and we'll get back on some other subjects oh yeah yes i've got you tonight certainly yeah i know what you've been saying what will happen then i'm a swinger and a quiet swinger and all of a sudden i didn't say you're a quiet swinger i did a joke about uh the quesara sarah probably meant all these years that your pad are mine that's all i said i'm making little eyes at you yeah that's trouble okay we'll be back for more trouble in just a moment [Applause] [Music] so [Music] we're back is that good that's really good you ever get a yearning to uh relive those kind of days again when you're singing with a band and then traveling and getting up no really oh right zito [Laughter] we have been on many a bus together as mr dewolfe would say you had fun though i mean we did not really no fun at all was there a certain camaraderie when you're very young and just traveling all the time it's not that much fun it's nice to look back on you know when you reflect back yeah was this book when you won you write an autobiography and have to call all these things out of your mind is it kind of like going through analysis at all that's what i hear yeah yeah i have not been through analysis yeah well either not so i don't know uh but that's what i i've heard and it some days were really uh emotional for me yeah terribly in other words you didn't want to relive or answer questions about certain facets well when you start you know talking and and you're going to tell all you relive it right yeah and there were you know many many sad times in my life yeah and to go back over there remember when you first came out here you made a screen test i remember in the book the jack jack carson had called you and said he'd seen a test and you didn't believe it was him and uh yeah he said this is jack carson i was at the hollywood plaza living there and ready to leave town i had my tickets and i had made the test and the phone rang and you said this is jack carson and i said oh yeah you know come on i thought it was my agent and and he said no it really is and i saw your test and i just want you to know that i am positive that you have the part i still didn't believe it but yet it sounded like jack and and sure enough it was he was a lovely man but you didn't really want to come out here and be a motion picture start particularly did you no which is strange because most young ladies would say ah hollywood the time you know the glamour and so forth but yeah well why didn't that appeal to you i don't know johnny um i just i've never been that uh career-minded you know no i just wanted to get married and settle down and and uh look after my husband i'd rather the husband is a star i would rather i would rather have it that way no matter mary just as you say in the book you talk about it this was disappointing it has not worked most of them did not work up to this point right haven't stopped working since i'm 16. really no were you married 16 17 i was a musician was it enough of course i didn't well there are other people in the world you know besides no but i was with musicians all the time i married two musicians and marty mighty uh so yeah musicians do they make but nothing personal guys but would you ever marry another musician do i know what do i you know i don't know what i'm going to do tomorrow don't you really i really don't know i might marry another musician i mean who can tell that would be funny wouldn't that be interesting no i may not marry again ever really no lots of people have seen you're out isn't that the way it goes no it's uh i hope not three for you well i'm old you're fine i'm on this well i don't get it because it's not particularly proud of it but this is my third marriage i know you can't it isn't something to be proud of but it's that's the way it is and it's nothing horrendous i lived and i learned from all these experiences it's great boy did i learn so did no but it's really good and i'm not bitter either and i wouldn't change one thing really would not but if tomorrow out of the sunset i'm getting dramatic across a crowded room yes yeah for example you have you met somebody where that's happened you look across the crowded room and say hey are you first impressions are they important yes but it doesn't usually happen to me that way i like to really get to know someone but you know having been married three times it's obvious that i did not know them you always think you know them yeah yeah how would you get to know somebody well i must tell you my first husband was a musician traveling right and so we had a correspondence courtship and the love letters that came oh and went back and forth it was tremendous it was beautiful and my family they all loved him and i married him and it was the worst the worst because i did not know him just from the left yeah i really think that you have to live with someone that you mentioned and get to know that person and then you know you say hey i really like you and i love you have you gotten any flack from saying that statement you know i think you should live with a lot of people pardon me i didn't mean to talk when you were no that's all right no but you know that a lot of people say you saying that statements which has been quoted all over that you think somebody should live together before they're married a lot of people would say it's not right but you don't care i mean well if that's the way they feel about it that's fine but i think it's terribly important to get to know someone and you don't know that person until you live with them that is that is and it's the truth and let's think again can you stay with us for a little while sure stay with us okay we're going to take us having a good time so am i we'll be right back [Applause] [Music] [Music] see i i on the other hand have the fantasy of traveling and being able to play like louis belson you're a frustrated drummer yeah yeah you will never play like louise i know that that's what i said it's a fan it's a fantasy already shaun is here buddy rich anybody that i think that would be fun and you say it's no fun at all what traveling with event yeah that are still traveling and going out on dates now if they came to you and said hey doors want to hit the road no you wouldn't come no really well i like to hit the road but you know at my own convenience yeah and when i want to hit the road i'd love to travel where do you go by yourself just get up and let's rather head out for some you can ask me any personal questions you want to i don't care my life is completely open uh hell i know now you can ask me anything i would have thought about it you say no i like to i like to drive across country and drive wherever i go i really love it stop when i feel like stopping it's neat there's not a problem with being well known that people bug you and come up or sure you put on a little hat or something and hide out yeah sunglasses on a little hat yeah there you go i like caramel yeah oh i love caramel somebody else likes caramel a lot of people like caramel if you had to do all over again you said you wouldn't change anything or you would no i wouldn't want to do it all over again but i don't i wouldn't change anything in my life now it's been great the experi experiences have taught me so much john as yours have oh yes and uh i i think that i'm you know i've learned a great deal and i'm a very happy lady now how are you oh yeah i have a good time love my life and uh i don't care about working right i don't need it i i just don't you know i don't feel frustrated about it we should get the urge sometimes to be in front of an audience and i am saying i'm right here but i'm as a performer and make a sing a little bit no i mean there's no way you'd ever come on this show there's nothing i can do to persuade you or say to you that would even make you consider coming on the show some night and doing a song well if i'm in shape you see you're in shape [Applause] i don't sing that much around the house and i don't play piano if i could play piano i would sing all the time because i love to sing but to have to call a pianist to come in make the appointment and then warble you know for a couple of hours every day i don't do that and so consequently i get a little bit rusty so that when i did my special i had a pianist and i worked for about a month and then i was in shape you know and i felt great we'll send a piano player house over you know every couple of days for about a month if you'll come back and say how's that okay did you hear that friend willing to hang around over there as much as you want them to okay ross what time what time you get up in the morning ross oh about 7 30 tonight it'd be perfect ross is a little pushy i don't think he's our man lost two axes with a job you got to play hard to get ross hey i thank you for coming tonight i hold up the book there it is right there put out by uh tomorrow company large day her own story in collaboration with uh a e do you know his work at all did you read papa hemingway yes he's he's really a superb writer i hope it's a is it doing well yes it really is if you inscribed it for me and i want well i won't i won't read it because it's rather it's rather personal i'll read it no that's rather perfect uh a friend of mine is coming out next i think rex reed is with us tonight yeah you want to stay while rex is here i will stay while rex is here we're going to do what we're going to do dear friend of mine we're going to do the mighty carson art players uh the interview with some questions of the day is it good [Music] i mean you know is it worth what was that question again of course it's worth staying for there's a chuckle a minute okay not wrong you stay then i will do this first we'll see if it's worth staying up for let's see now you got me thinking i'm going to set it up fred i'm working into it right now i have to take my own timing and certain segues time for the setup now we don't fool around we uh have a question today about who people would like to see as the next president of the united states and we're going to we have a mobile unit standing by and i have to leave with the mobile unit but we'll be back in just uh four or five minutes okay and we will talk to some average citizens on the street is that a big enough setup that will be right after this commercial that was the setup you just did [Music] do so [Music] hello friends this is howard k remote your mobile reporter today we're at the slauson shopping mall where we're going to ask the average citizen the question of the week here comes a typical citizen now let's find out what's on his mind excuse me sir can i talk to you hey what about hold it it's uh this on tv yes there it is you got to be kidding are you anybody famous no i'm i'm not really famous you're absolutely right you don't even look like nobody fake all right thank you sir may i ask you a question and you belong to a union yes i do okay then you can ask a question you see i don't like to rap with those management things well that's understandable may i can i have your name please sure it's clotta joe clotta mr clutter no no just call me joe everybody calls me joe except my wife she calls me mr clotter i see you're you're married then yes i'm guilty any children any children are you kidding i don't even touch your coffee joe what joe what do you uh just what do you do well in the morning i punch in in the evening i punch out a time card no just any jerk that gets out of line i see would you like a little wrapping no no no thank you i just had one now joe do you have any hobbies yes matter of fact uh on tuesday night i go bowling i pull in a pretty rough league oh how so well the bowling balls don't have any holes that's such a flame now we'd like your opinion joe you know this is a presidential election year oh yes yes i heard about that they mentioned it on bowling for dollars yes you can keep up with the news sir now let me ask you the question of the day what kind of a man would you like to see in the white house that's the question well i'd say first off the guy's got to have a high school education or at least he's got to be one of those guys that got straight a's in shop that's important now could you tell us the kind of a man that you would like to see be present well i'll tell you what i see i'll tell you what i see i see a cross between abe lincoln harry truman and eye heisman well that sounds wonderful who would you suggest well right now i think the guy that comes closest to that is uh joe neiman but you're gonna have a rough time getting your marcie's uh signed to the jets and i know he's not gonna jump the league unless maybe uncle sam could uh give the jets a first round back to it i don't think that's likely do you like gerald ford harold ford yes well as a matter of fact as a matter of fact remote i heard that president ford's gonna be coming through here in about an hour that's why i got on the old packer oh to show him that the hard hat worker support him huh oh dumbo i thought maybe he might be driving the car oh thank you mr cloud it's nice to get your opinion let's meet another citizen here on the street perhaps excuse me excuse me ma'am hey you can change the detergent you can take the clorox you can even squeeze my charmin but don't you touch my cushy look i'm not madam i'm not interested in your cushy this is not a commercial i'm conducting a survey oh thank goodness strange men are always accosting me with three spoons everywhere i go men wearing makeup that microphones in their hands want me to sample their coffee there's no picnic getting propositioned by derwood kirby it's eleven o'clock in the morning i've already had 47 cups of coffee i can understand that no you see ma'am i'm howard k remote i'm trying to get the average person's opinion you look like a typical housewife are those curlers in your hair no i just came from an all-night date with a six million dollar man well i don't want you would you mind telling us your name candace candice bergen not that one are you are you married uh single or living with someone all three i'm married i might as well be single and i'm living with his mother mrs bergen i'd like to ask you the question of the week i know the question of the week what's for dinner what's the dinner no i'm nothing like that i mean i'd like to ask you about politics who's got time for politics i'm too busy fighting inflation protesting busting my husband is out of work well you can change things mrs bergen you can change those things by exercising your vote when i was single i had time to vote now i don't even have time to shave my legs oh that's a shame you must lead a busy life oh it's very exciting a thrill a minute yes the highlight of my day is watching the polyester hit the spin cycle oh that's too bad well look i won't keep you just let me ask you the question of the week what kind of a man would you like to see in the white house robert redford robert redford as president why not i'd rather he put me to sleep than ford point there thank you mrs burger i gerald go shave your legs well certainly interesting here at the shopping mall let's see if we can talk to another average citizen and get his opinions about what's going on in this great country excuse me sir uh sir sir sir excuse me no no no no sir no sir no no i don't i think you misunderstood sir i'm not the fuzz i'm a reporter howard k remote from your local tv station oh wow howard k remote that's who i am uh yeah i'm your media freak right yeah i would like uh to ask you a few questions would you would you mind giving me your name what's wrong don't you like your own [Applause] well ass yeah that's rather amusing now what is your name sir really we must have it for the television my name is othello ostello yeah my friends call me the big o bingo okay big uh we're uh steady there where where are you from where are you from sir uh i'm from town you're from los angeles right oh wow is that where we are now the city of the angels los angeles a nice town i'm glad you like it now what do you do for a living uh big o uh i'm a paper boy that's interesting what paper is that zigzag i uh i've i've never heard of that one yeah i bet you have yeah is that a local paper no it's national well what sort of news does zigzag cover oh good news oh good news oh good good good okay mr all let me what are you doing here in the mall uh i was uh feeding the pigeon well i think that's a nice that's a nice citizen thing to do yeah i fed a couple of them to that dog over there yes well i understand that well look mr o'teller let's get to the question i'd like to ask you what you think of today's economy well all i know is that bail has gone up well i guess everything is uh and that ain't he of course it isn't what we'd like to know sir is your opinion of the type of man who should be the president of the united states and lead this country into the future uh you want to run that by me again i've seen your lips moving but everything was coming out kind of vague and that ain't vogue no you see you must understand we are discussing politics now what did you think of gerald ford's record oh wow man i didn't know he made a record did he get on the chart no no i don't think you i don't thank you i'm not talking about a music wreck i'm talking about his look who would you like to see as our leader well uh i think we should have some cat from the minority groups in there somebody from the ghetto you think someone from minority group would make a good president right well the way i look at it is this you see a black man could do a better job in the white house than ford could do in the car wash i see well that makes i guess no sense i i think so i have a little trouble i gotta go wait wait a minute what's the matter what's the matter don't you hear that siren i don't hear anything well that's your hanger uh thank you bickel for spending this time don't forget friends to tune in next week tune in next week friends when our question of the week will an all-out nuclear war take the crease out of your hager slacks and now back to our newsroom until next week and let's keep america strong [Music] [Music] i might mention the uh members of our little stock company there people who worked in our news there the housewife the suzanne perez and david doyle was the heart had an old friend of mine from nebraska and they our resident hippies bill saluda they were great good night rex reed is here how do you get along with rich reid oh i love reading well a lot of performers a lot he's wrapped a lot of performers he's uh he's one of the brightest and most outspoken writers on the entertainment scene today would you welcome mr rex reed [Music] [Applause] [Music] all of those things she's absolutely real that's right didn't you know that people for years thought doris day didn't go to the bathroom i mean she's real she's a this is a really dirty show tonight i tell you something i read the book and i think the one thing that people keep forgetting to mention is the fact that this is a book that really has something to say to people out there who are not stars and who are not famous and who may never be famous i mean it has something to teach to people because everybody feels i'm sure from time to time i sound like i'm doing a review of the book i don't mean to i really was very moved by it i you called and told me that i did it's all true i i felt very touched by this book because i i felt that um all of us had had similar things happen to us in our lives uh we've all felt victimized at one time or another by a tax collector by a lawsuit by a a bad marriage by a an unruly family situation by a cop you know that something has happened to everybody and and yet this lady has had terrible things happen to her and she has no self-pity not a trace of self-pity and if you get all the way through the book and not just look for the juicy things you will learn from this book how to survive and i think that's the only thing that's important in life is how to survive that's what you were writing about right do you know what may i say something because i've talked a lot and it's your turn but uh hochner at a press conference in new york said that he called me a survivor and i think that is what it you know to sum it up it's exactly that if you can we can all be and we can survive in today's world what's going on you know if you want to hit the hot spots in the book and go down the list of the things that people will want to buy it for yes there are awful things in it i mean a first-half marriage to a man who was very sadistic a second marriage to a man who who left her because he was he went into a religious phase in his life that could didn't have room to include her a third marriage to a man who it still is uncertain to this day whether or not he stole a lot of her money uh an unhappy childhood an early realization that there were ugly things in the world when she discovered that her own father was having an affair with another woman her mother didn't know it and a lot of things that could have been very traumatic um but the but that's not really the reason why this book is important i don't think i think the reason it's important is because it has something to say to every person who feels like there's a possibility he or she might become one of the suicide statistics i mean we could all become part of the statistics at one time or another there's never a life i don't think which doesn't occur to somebody that i i just can't go on yeah does that ever happen to you or you get to a point of depression just about every 10 minutes during a regular day now you know what you have to have a round bottom i mean it uh no don't laugh i have to explain that i have to explain that you know the little dolls that have round bottoms and you knock them down and they bounce back again you just can't keep them down right okay that's what you have to have a round bottom and i've got one well i i can tell you a lot of people have have paid thousands and thousands of dollars to go into analysis to find out how they can function every day and how they can get up every morning and how they can go to bed at night and not want to kill themselves because they're so unhappy and because somebody has victimized them in some way and if ever there was a victim of other people it's doris and yet there is a unique ability there to bounce back people have punched her and she's fallen down and she's gotten right back up again she's like a cat knock throw her off the top of a fridge and she'll land on her feet very interesting book i tell you uh i really recommend it for that reason the only thing that i don't like about it is the fact that you have to say that the only thing not no not about the book but about your life and that is that you have never and if there are any serious uh pretentious critics watching who say well there goes rex reed's career the hell with it i don't care because i really mean this i i don't think you have ever realized how important your talent has been i don't think you have you have never really enjoyed these films that i grew up loving and still love and i want to tell you right now every time when i've got i've set the alarm for 4 am to watch april in paris these are such fun movies and at a time when there is so little to cheer about in life these are oh excuse me you want to get me a cab no i'm teasing go ride on with this you're a big fan and i think that's nice of you to say things like that i'm not a fan of many people really and i'm not embarrassed to say that i i'm a great fan of hers i really am i'm glad to be on the same show because i wanted to tell her that and it's embarrassing to tell you that that's really nice you know we have so little fun in our lives and those movies were fun yeah they really were and there's nothing wrong with that there's nothing to be ashamed of and uh you shouldn't be ashamed either of having had the career you've had because you brought a lot of joy to a lot of people well that's the most important thing but i i really do feel that you know i'd like to do them all over again i like to remake them really what would you change in what way oh the script oh my dear quite a big change you know they weren't the scripts they were trite but i guess maybe you know it's fantasy world and and maybe people need that i think we really need it now i do i think we need uh to get away from the humdrum and go to the movies and and uh and see something that maybe is not as real as it should be but that might be good what are they doing the band is trying to send us a message that is rude thank you the mitchell boys choir check is on the truck this is a rude show well that's what's kept us going all these years we just we're rude and we're going to do the commercial [Music] so [Music] so [Music] [Music] we are back then we're talking with uh rex reed and doris james [Applause] you have been uh traveling yes since i did the show last i've been completely around the world i went to india afghanistan iran uh hong kong uh i went to japan i went to thailand and uh i can tell you one thing that i've i've never been so happy to be back as i am to get home after a trip like that because you never realize how terrific your own backyard is so you can say that every time and it was a great trip i mean i saw i saw wonderful things i saw beautiful things but i really also saw more than you could possibly learn from reading a book about what's going on in this world today all you have to do is to realize how well off you are is go to india i never saw anything in my life like like this country there is so much and i know doris is very involved with the with the animal situation but there is so much cruelty to animals in india that you don't even notice it because of the cruelty to children i stood on the on the balcony of the taj mahal and i i with all the emeralds and all of the rubies and the wall and and how beautiful it was and all of the bougainvillea vines and all of the uh blossoms and everything was absolutely fabulous looked right down and watched a group of vultures fighting over the corpse of a dead child in the ganges this is this is what's going on there 700 million people in in a country that is the size of old maybe less than half the size of the united states and uh 99 of the population is illiterate has no way to make a living there are people there who i went through villages where there were thousands of snakes and baskets the people have been bitten so many times by cobras that they are now not only addicted i mean not only immune but addicted just like heroin they have to have the snake bites almost every day if you are bitten by one of these people you can die within 60 seconds because their blood is so toxic and there is no way to to deal with this country you can't change their religion because they are the religion the people of the religion uh you read every day in the newspapers here about indira gandhi and she's the new adolf hitler the only way this country can never survive is through the changes that she's trying to make i began to see a whole new side of life you know they're talking they're terrible things they're talking about sterilizing uh part of the population so that they so they can control the the birth rate and the population explosion this sounds terrible to us in america it is the only way this country can survive these people have no way to live half of the population dies before the age of three so they keep having children hoping that somebody will live there's nothing to eat nothing to uh no money to pay for anything to eat um the disease and the famine is so terrible that the children you see little children four or five years old walking around with 10 tons of camel done on their heads because this is what they sell for fuel this is the only heat they have they live in in caves well since you've been out of the country you've probably read in time or newsweek they had a whole article on the fourth world in the fourth world was that impoverished along with india of bangladesh and many south american countries which for all practical purposes and it sounds cruel but paul early and many other sociologists said those countries for all intents and purposes are lost and you hate to say that but you cannot keep up you can't keep sending food because the more food you send strangely enough more people survive to have more children yeah and geometrically progression-wise uh sooner or later it is an absolute hopeless situation and you don't know we've sent literally millions and millions of dollars to india and not any of this money has ever found its way to the people now i don't know who's stealing it or who's ripping it off but the people have never seen a penny of this money they i i tell you i i saw people living in burning people who are rich are burned on the riverbanks they burn the corpses i saw literally thousands of people uh burning corpses on the riverbank and these are the people who can pay to have this done the other people are just thrown into sewers and ditches and the vultures come and sometimes you'll be driving along and the clouds you'll think that suddenly it's going to rain because it gets very dark and you look up and it's vultures clouds of vultures and they're they're just just circling looking for people to eat i mean i never saw anything like it incredible place i went to i was in india about a week and i didn't even go to calcutta which they say is the end of the world the pilots on the ameri the american pilots who fly the planes will not even get off the airplanes now in calcutta they take canned tuna fish and bottled water and they sleep on the airplane uh all night until it's time to leave the next morning because they will not get out because you have to step over dead bodies in calcutta and and the walls and the pavement of every street are covered with defecation both camel defecation elephants roaming wild through the mud cattle well the cattle are more important than the women i mean the women are are truly the lowest form of life in india the women are like wheelbarrows they carry all the burdens they carry the sugarcane they carry they have no lives um and the men beg you see the women do the work and the men beg and the children they've i've saw i saw children i i left a jewelry shop where i bought this ring which is a lapis lazuli ring which i guess here would cost about 900 maybe i bought it for 80 they'll take anything you've got a dollar give it to me i mean they're so they they're so desperate for money walked out of the shop where i bought this and felt so guilty as an american leaving the shop and right in front of the shop stood a child with its hand out and its leg had been broken by its mother so it could beg they blind their children they break their arms they break their legs they cut their feet off so that they can beg so folks say what you will about gerald ford say what you will about congress this is the best country in the world and believe me i know in these discussions you say you get the terrible guilt feelings and you sit around and say what can you do it is obvious that one country cannot feed the entire world no matter how much you produce or if you try to send it around and balance it up it would not work until you change yes the lifestyle oh how will they do it then well that's what this game is trying to do if they don't shoot her first i mean she's got so many things that should be zero population growth like the animal movement that is going on here it has to be zero population japan really does japan did very well on reaching almost zero population growth and they still have monumental problems with the technology is a completely different question that's a wonderful country i also went there and yes there are many many many people there they're overpopulated but in japan the people are such an incredible degree of intelligence that they've learned to live with each other by being polite otherwise they kill each other there are so many of them you you see people when you strain them but you know you know i saw people i saw people in japan with surgical masks on yes and i thought they must be afraid of the pollution or something that's not it at all they don't want if they have a cold or something they don't want you to catch their germs that's how polite they are so they put on a mask to protect the other fella oh i tell you they bow and scrape so much i was just bowing all over the place every time every time i walked into the hotel i would bow to the door man everybody bows and um and yet they're very intelligent people they they can create something they they do things with their if their technology does not do them in it's it's complicated i mean you know 100 million people in an area the size of california how many 100 million in an area the size of california oh and look what we're going through but they're not in the streets and they're not begging that's the difference you know they have raised themselves up somehow to this point through their intelligence here's a message from new vitalis super bowl the non-aerosol men's hair spray [Music] so [Music] donna theodore flew in from new york to be with us tonight she's a fine singer currently appearing in the broadway play shenandoah which just celebrated its first anniversary would you welcome please miss donna theodore [Applause] [Music] no foolish dreams [Music] ain't got no trouble in my life no foolish dreams [Music] is [Music] is [Music] is [Music] is [Music] music in there [Music] feel good [Music] oh [Music] is [Music] donna theodore thank you donna go after this first all right we'll be right back with dale alexander after this message [Music] so [Music] well would you i'd like to know how to have healthy hair and keep the hair that you have i would well certainly all right well we have dale alexander who is an author and lecturer on nutrition he had a book called arthritis and common sense and he has another of his books called healthy hair and common sense and we should have a lot of each i think i think all of us of course he's here i'm introducing him my heart is healthy we all have very healthy we have healthy here a lot of people don't have healthy we're all doing good now well let's bring dale alexander out here tell us well he'll tell us something we'll find out [Music] [Applause] yeah you see and i'm not gonna do the obvious uh i'm not going to say the obvious thing dale a lot of people say when you first walk out and talk about healthy people talk about hair i'd like to talk a little bit about what you and doris was talking about she talked about the vaseline treatment yeah dry skin now this skin is almost 60 years old and you notice the lust in the skin gets to my skin i'd like to teach doris how to do it good skin inside out when you wake up in the morning when she wakes up in the morning and she washes that vaseline off her body her skin is still dry but i could show her how to do it inside out so that the moisture comes into the skin and stays there they'll not take six months what you're doing is a 24-hour sensation i'd like to show you how permanent moisture in your skin sometimes okay now let's get it out well what do you think no i don't think we have time for it uh well we're ready i think that we should explain power person with two types of hair there are two types this is the new strong thick hair that will never fall out i've learned how to keep it for the rest of my life is that true that's true and about the part in the center is the second crop coming through sprouting now the pancake put on my head has covered the eight thousand new hairs that are now sprouting maybe they got the ten thousand but that you know the heart rate of losing your hair yeah no i do i know i don't don't you know about the heartbreak as people go through life losing their hair if they are victims of that heartbreak they don't know how to control it and the fact is that they've never learned as you said earlier in the program hair has to have harmony and i found that magic harmony what i've done is i've married in a blender a virgin wheat turmoil and a fertile egg fertility can be recognized by a little white spot on the yoke that's when the end of the roof to get together right part of the wing yes i know how that works you do well you blend this fertility this estrogen with the germination of the seed meal now the four seed meals that i talk about in my lectures are the sunflower seed meals the pumpkin seed meal the sesame seed and the chia seed you drink that you blend them first or if you have a meal you can grind up your own powder and at least four seed meals pumpkin cheese sunflower and pumpkin cheese i mean whatever or any of the above right now this is the this creates new you know you hear so much about that what do you do with that you put it in the blender well get the blender grows here what you must you know you don't just leave it there you put in a cup of milk a cup of milk and then you put on your fertile egg and the wheat trimmer then you put in your blended or ground up seed meals right and then you put in some fruit to blend it if you want a banana or pear cocktail or a papaya cocktail and you blend it and you drink it now you drink it the cycle of hair is 159 days long this was discovered by a very famous professor at brown university it's 159 days long what would you mean the cycle of hair hair goes through a cycle a resting phase in the growing phase you can't grow new hair yes you can the question is if the scalp is tight if the scarf is tight right get it well i've heard of the hair follicles are dead right there but you can re-germinate new hair germ which is the doctor from brown university speaking in this book you can grow new hair germ but you can only grow it where there's a supple scalp but it takes 159 days to start the cycle now do you have a lawn in front of your house a lawn yeah why wouldn't it back did you how did that close and how my grass grow yes flowers grow from the same germination you have to make a germinating factory in your bloodstream and the germinating factor is the marriage of the estrogen in the fertile egg and the virgin wheat tomorrow plus the seed meal and 159 days later if your hair is weak it suddenly starts getting strong but it has to be a subtle scalp to make this work would do is everyone have a supple scalp no most people have lost their hair this the scalp is like a mask and you cannot grow grass in a tight soil and you can't grow hair on a tight scalp it has to be done with great creativity well how do you loosen up your scoops well you have to go through a vigorous you want to take a look at it yes it's good yeah they're all new that's all brand new spring crop but in other words your hair follicles were not dead they were dying well they weren't what i had was for my parents and which most people have with their hair problem is a genetic weakness i've learned how to correct the genetic weakness and how long it takes and how to make the germinating factory go get them get to work again has this been proved i mean it actually does well yes now uh for example tony curtis's daughter alessandra when i was brought to tony curtis's house with this problem that her this child wouldn't grow hair at the christine caught me at that time tony was married to christine kaufman growth there was no germination no no happy enzymes no happy hormones you have to have harmony hormones now women today are taking the pill and they're upsetting this balance in their hair because now you're playing around with unnatural hormones you mean you could lose your hair by taking the pill oh yes that's one of the side effects if you're going too long i didn't know that yeah you couldn't help your brother a little or the old brainer and kojacks are just it's just too late the scalp is much too tight and i think kojak would rather be his way right but you cannot think of healthy hair until you have a supple scalp and you cannot even with a supple scalp do anything until you start taking this new now this is really new this is brand new were you absolutely i was down to here and i worked it up about an inch and a quarter and what i got will never come out i mean you don't have to ever lose your hair if you just learn how to regerminate or what about the fact that some people say it is genetic if you have two bald parents it's very possible that you're not going to have any hair if your mother and father if your mother and father didn't eat these certain kinds of limited numbers of food and you're born with a genetic pattern right and you eat nothing but junk foods in the first 10 or 15 years of your life your head just simply starts falling out because there's no genetic factor going on women don't really get bald do they they have the estrogen well certainly the women get bogged and the men start losing their estrogen and i'm trying to say if you marry the estrogen to the germinated seeds you have to go to a health food store to get the right kind of seeds and by drinking this you i should stay out of it no it's all right oh it's not my turn i'm done no that's all right rex did you see my hair problems in india what a terrible pro what a terrible shock it must be to frank sinatra to know that he had to go through all that torture when he could have achieved this thing with something on a glass and listen the hollywood people yes the hollywood people what they do now is after they lose their hair they take the hair germ from the back of the head and really transplant the hair germ i say you can make it in the front if you know how to take action on so you're saying the nutrition and diet has more to do with healthy hair than anything else exactly it's just you have to go three three you have to go through three or four cycles which cycle is your hair it's about the tenth cycle now yeah but it's amazing that it can be done why do you rarely see uh bald japanese for example because they eat all natural food now dog cat and they shed away because well most dogs don't have a blender or una blender no they borrow one we'll be right back [Applause] [Music] so [Music] [Music] do [Music] that's interesting it was just comparing skin here yeah it's skin yeah it's that stuff from the blender i now have wrinkle-free skin did you see your skin yeah it's just like a baby skin though well what's it from well it's just special nutrition you can re-lubricate the human machine inside out well thank you for being here right book is called healthy hair and common sense i thank you rex thanks for being here tonight doris thank you and uh freddie friends will be here on monday with bob hope tony orlando richard drivers and murray and helen gurley rod thank you good night [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] you

Channel: pannoni 8

Views: 28,678

Keywords: Tonight Show, Johnny Carson, comedy, sketch, interview, music, 1970s, seventies, 70s, classic, vintage, retro, nostalgia, monologue

Id: TxNgR9zAk7g

Length: 76min 1sec (4561 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 27 2021