Johnny Carson 1980 04 30 Charlton Heston

[Music] here [Applause] [Music] all right [Music] foreign [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] again come on now you're getting over here thank you I uh I'll be honest with you I um I'll be honest with you I love Ovation standing you know sitting or rehearsed makes no difference to me it's nice feels good I haven't seen you for a while I know I missed you yeah I missed you and you didn't write postcard nothing I called you to tell you how great you were on the around the Christmas I couldn't find you by the way our next presenters are the lovely Virginia Mayo and The Dashing Cesar Romero that show is still going on that was um that's a long show personally I'm not interested I think they have too many awards in the Academy Awards I'm not interested in the best film editing in a Portuguese short subject meeting habits of pelicans I don't care who edited that at all have a late breaking news about the speaking of that show though Alan split just arrived at the Academy Awards to pick up his Oscar Alan showed him we made Helen spider household name People magazine this week had a whole page on Alan sweat he was the gentleman who won I think a special award for film editing I believe on the Black Stallion and he didn't show up I kept talking about it all during the show and he's famous household Lord Alan sweat anyway I'm Johnny Carson the rosie Ruiz of Comedy I mean by that I'm what I mean by that I'm around at the Finish but nobody can prove I did any jokes in between kind of a weird case wasn't it nobody seems to know what's going on back there I tuned in I found out I was on television again Sunday on 60 Minutes and the reason I tuned in I wanted to watch myself because I was anxious to find out if I knew anything I didn't know and I didn't surprise myself at all I knew all of that that's good to be back I have a late report from The Newsroom first yeah President Carter just appointed Bobby Vinton a new senator from Maine now that uh Senator Edmund Muskie from the state of Maine is our new secretary of state appointed by presidents [Applause] are you off of Maine dear muskie I like him it must be seems like a good man you do you know what do you know the senator it's all right are you from Lane oh you are from Maine okay they're still again anyway he is the I believe our first polish Secretary of State and the reason I'm not going to wait a minute now not me kid no no I understand Carter hired him because he's the only one who can pronounce Zig new Brzezinski did I pronounce it right it's a big new Brzezinski that's not easy uh and it was rumored as you know I guess it was a false rumor that John Anderson was going to ask Walter Cronkite to be his vice president did you hear that on the news Walter turned him down yeah Walter turned him down now Anderson is desperate he just asked Jerry Dunphy and Christine Lund to be his Coco vice president I don't know if it'll work I understand as soon as Craig appeared that Cronkite might be vice president when people thought it was for sure for a while and Roger Mudd called him called Walter and said look Walter can I fill in for you on your days off and Walter said I'm sorry Roger we're going with Dan Rather and that's the way it is I think Walter had a good reason to turn down the offer to run with Anderson he doesn't Walter doesn't want to drop from number one in the ratings to number three actually Walter is way up there they had a poll about a year ago and who do you think one of the most I think the most trusted man in America was Walter Cronkite I'm gonna take my own poll we do the cicada we have about 500 people here every night we get a good cross section of taste and you know opinion in the country how many would like to see Walter Cronkite as the vice president how many would like to see Walter Cronkite as president how many would actually Walter Cronkite is King wow what else happened anyway to set the record straight according to Walter Cronkite he said he has no interest in politics and he is not going to run it can be pretty good though wouldn't he yeah what else has happened I read in the paper this past week about the prophets of the oil companies now they get angry and I get to let her some oil company Executives every time I mention this but if I'm not quoting the figure incorrectly it said that exxon's Prophets in the first quarter of this year or 1.9 billion dollars did I get that I think correctly an increase of something like 36 but Exxon defended the prophets they said they needed the money they're going to put it into the exploration of new bank vaults in Switzerland I know what's going to happen tomorrow I'll get a letter but we have to drill for a while but that's a lot of loot isn't it uh some television news while I was going our own network NBC canceled a show called uh pink lady and Jeff [Applause] so you would applaud I I wouldn't worry about pink lady they have other plans they're opening a massage parlor with Tony Orlando's Dawn so now they also cancel the show let's become a fixture in my home here's Boomer [Music] [Applause] are you familiar but you are you know about that show the cute little dog that's that's gone no no did you know what the Dog's real name was I found out yeah how'd you know that absolutely true the dog's name was Johnny and that frightened me a little because this morning I came to work I heard something about Fred Silverman was unhappy with Johnny and thinking of putting him to sleep foreign God things do happen quickly don't they did you this 79 year old Xavier Cugat and now his plans that he's going to get married again yes to a 24 year old woman by the name of Yvonne Martinez now his last two wives if you don't know were Abby Lane and Charo his doctor told him to go easy one more coochie coochie could be fatal what's the old Story the doctor says it's your readers you realize what sexual relations could mean yes and the guy says if she goes she dies I think she dies she dies that's right well whatever it's close to that you go hey we got a great show and little later on G Gordon Liddy we'll be out here and explain his plan to kill the Village People by poisoning their clothes foreign Heston is with us tonight we have a very funny young man funny young Comedian Bobby Kelton is here a gentleman whose name you probably don't know his name is walty Mormon and he is uh I guess in charge of the uh what's the name of the town I gotta get the town right Boomer Wisconsin Boomer Wisconsin right it is the home of the world's um speed of a jump rope jump rope this is yeah the home of the world's jump rope competition come on now folks and the young lady who was selected by Hugh Hefner to be the playmate not of the month but the Playmate of the Year Dorothy's so thank you for coming [Music] thank you we'll be right back goodbye we'll be right back we'll be right back here we go all right we're back thank you okay I uh nice to see you back thank you missed you good to see you part for two weeks that's true you're back one night you've canceled the show that's not canceled you got the wrong town yeah now let me explain something I I apparently in the monologue I said that a show called here's Boomer uh one of NBC shows has been canceled I was informed just a moment ago that a boomer has not been canceled don't you think I think he's being fixed I think all right he's not being canceled he's just being fixed so uh I like Boomer don't you think you let Mr Silverman do this I think you're absolutely right now a boomer I like you know the story on that no friend you know for AC Lyles a producer yeah good friend of mine he told me one night that the dog that is in that show they picked up at a dog pound they were you know going to destroy the dog and they were looking for a dog to play this and they went down they saw this little mutt which it is a mutt I guess and plucked him out of the pound and uh put him on television and uh what did you do with me remember NBC gets many of their shows shows it about ready to be destroyed and uh they buy them from the pound or from the Humane Society right give them a last shot here but let me say again folks apparently the winners here's Boomer on the air yeah when it's on somebody our correct staff Friday night it's on Friday nights and here's Boomer has not dinner so I'm sorry I did not mean the woods anyway and the town the town is bloomer but you can confuse that Tanya's blue mover Michigan right here's Boomer [Applause] it's my first night back and it takes me a while to uh but I must I must publicly say that you are absolutely elegant and magnificent on the Oscars would you like a few little inside things on what happened that night it's interesting because as you know Marty faceted Howard Cox was a producer Marty pasetta directed that show they used 17 television cameras for that show about eight of them are Backstage on booms and set in various places so they can shoot into the audience and cross shoot and everything and about halfway through the show all Communications went out between the director and all of what we call the stagehands or the men on the floor they had no communication whatsoever there was a line that was cut they don't know what happened then they went to what they call it they have a backup it's called what uh the other line now a man of the other Locker our producer Freddie decordova technically has this business mastered that's right no they're not the lead lines or what are they what do they call Bob yelling no no I didn't know they could do that that's my director that's our director anyway the stage hands or the floor manager could not talk with Marty in the booth to throw cues or times or anything and they managed to get through the rest of that show for about an hour and a half using hand signals people running up saying when we come out of this we'll go to this commercial and I don't think anybody certainly ran a little long Justin Henry went through puberty did you know during the show right in the middle of the show his voice thank you very much but anyways here is a picture of Bloomer Wisconsin there is Boomer now you see folks we cry now would you answer how could I cancel a dog like that that's right well that's cute but he's put there two John 11 kisses I don't have a good a color shot as this I mean this is high quality look at quality paper in this beautiful this must have cost them a fortune I got I'm using Black and Whites taken with that a Bruno of Hollywood yeah of Hollywood whom I think is dead isn't he no I shouldn't say that Bruno Hollywood may not be dead either look I said I said one night on the show that Clayton Moore had passed away the alone Ranger and I got a letter from Clayton Moore said he would hadn't passed away at all see you let the audience judge which is best show them that one quality of this picture folks show them that one paid for by NBC or the quality of this piece of junk foreign a print this is done on a machine in the office 30 for a Penny Maxwell Brady what was that during the Civil War what was that guy's name that's it was that it that's it Matthew Matthew Brady 1897. yes that's a fortune this is okay well it shows you know where NBC puts their money and this is the lady later who comes on who looks but who looks better than Boomer and looks better than me [Applause] they didn't get her from no dog pound s here tonight that is a bowl of cream hello my precious okay you have thank you anyway let's see so far I've uh canceled Boomer putting away Bloomer Wisconsin and Wally Mormon is and they are it is he's the director of the city of Bloomer's speed rope jumping contest they're going to demonstrate that right here on our stage and we have Chuck Heston Bobby Kelton and Dorothy Stratton whom you've just seen a lot more and we're going to come right back [Music] okay we are back speaking of polls there was another one about the presidential poll and apparently the overriding concern with most people in this country is inflation still it's still going up and um and this is a week's issue of uh well it was an issue the Southland life insurance company prepared a poster was about this size so we didn't bring it down we just copied some of the things and they listed 101 ways you as an individual can fight inflation I'd like to hear some of those would you yeah no no really they're just now there's some of them sound very obvious but you might not think of them to save money for example they said fix that leaky faucet yourself rather than calling in a plumber how many how many people can fix a leaky faucet all right about 18 plumbers that's right they said check check out a book from the library instead of buying it if you want the best seller go into Library no one used to do that as a kid right on both sides of the paper a little saving folks they add up sure they suggest I use soap until it disintegrates that yeah that's right my mother would take the little pieces of soap you remember when they used to do this gather them up and put them in a little wire kind of thing with a handle on it and use it in the yeah to make a soap set to wash dishes yeah anybody remember that sure anybody care [Applause] pay for your next gasoline fill up with cash check out TV Guide before you head out to the movies by slightly damaged or irregular items you know mostly Irregulars either a little thread something pulled and Pie those things here's one they use aluminum foil more than once makes sense having all vegetable meal let's not go crazy a lot of people don't eat meat at all you know drive your car like there was an egg between the accelerator and the floorboard incidentally there is an egg get a haircut that will last for a few months and one of those suggestions why is that well I mean if I saw the whole ad then I'd know if it was all there you know when you see the whole ad you look at it totality and you see everything that's certainly true I would imagine that in the ad every tip in the world you'd want to know about saving money isn't that ad is that right you are wrong stagflation breath shall we get more well they did obvious ones right we have some that are large staff a little more demanding but nevertheless we think we'll save you bigger bucks children [Applause] I mean that's cruel but that's saving rather than trying to keep up with the Joneses Rob the Fergusons thank you don't buy something you don't really need simply because it's on sale how often are you going to use edible odor eaters if your utility bills are too high plug your appliances into a fat man wearing corduroy pants generates a lot of some of these are rather severe saw the roof off your bedroom and charge airplane passengers to watch your wife turn you down if you have a dripping faucet right instead of calling a plumber weld a thirsty kitten to the leak [Applause] [Music] too many pet lovers I should have read that when I came out avoid long distance phone calls instead of phoning your mother snap on a blue wig and nag yourself I'm gonna guess foreign you'll save money if you avoid buying name brand marijuana eat less expensive desserts such as those made from rayon [Music] waddle into a park dress like a pigeon and force an old lady to feed you her crumbs I told you some of these are weird but we're in hard times desperate times call for desperate measures word moves shave your head go out to the airport and roll a Hare Krishna for his flower foreign [Applause] don't spend money sending your parents to an expensive rest home take them aside and very quietly try to convince them that they are dead no that one was just completely I knew that would get it grown and I'm sorry about that that's two calls I'm going to get tomorrow okay we'll return with our guests we have as I say Wally Mormon Bobby Kelton Dorothy Stratton and Chuck Heston and after this brief intermission what we're going to do we're gonna take it that's right [Music] my first guest is the director of the city of bloomers speed rope jumping contest now this year was the 20th annual compensation and we have Wally Mormon here to tell us how it went this year I don't even know how it went last year but I want to find out Wally Mormon okay thank you [Music] Wally I apologize I put I put uh Boomer Bloom no no Bloomer in Michigan a while ago and obviously it's in Wisconsin 20 years you've been at this first thing I did was check the plane ticket I want to get home you want to make sure we may send you to some place you don't want to go a long way from Michigan to Wisconsin dude you've been out here for a few days uh no we just came out last night yeah so actually you haven't been here all day yet not quite no we like to establish those can I stay a little while sure you can you camp do you have what do you do you do there's a regular job back in physical education right and how did this start you said somebody said this is the 20th year well I used to be a high school teacher and then I was converted or transferred to the elementary junior high and Boomer and I was following the curriculum guide came to rope jumping so I went to the kids and I said hey kids we're going to jump rope right so I put the ropes away I went home didn't sleep too well I saw when every kid's got competition in them they all are competitive right in fact they race down the Halls they fight to get to the classroom might be English arithmetic they can't stand history cotton picking Flags but they fight each other get in the door first and be there they race down the hall in the lunchroom I'm interested in this too Wally [Applause] sorry oh that's all right you're sitting between to know who it is he knew where the town was so you should talk with him right so then what happened go ahead what happened so the next day I took a stopwatch and got the ropes out and I said hey kids let's see who can jump the fastest way try 10 seconds hey that sounds all right I want to be so-and-so anyway so the first kid maybe did 25 or 26 and the next one 27 of build up enthusiasm right so they're needless to say the next class who won the last class well Charlie or Johnny or whatever and uh can I jump against the winner in the last class right sure sure you can see it didn't be Johnny so um it all started this simply huh so then when we finally established through some of the room Champions were they said uh hey let's find out the grades the grades right so then we'll find out who's the best in each grade so we decide do that at night in the gym so we had 90 kids and 50 people showed up to watch we put a thing in our local baby the Bloomer Advanced covered the event and the guy thought we were nuts of course and uh so do other people evidently but uh we had 90 jumpers and 50 people to watch it right and uh he had more jumpers than actually the Watchers that's right that's right 40 more right [Applause] foreign [Applause] [Music] how about this year 20 years later this year we had 40 of the best jumpers which represented 12 000 kids that started the competition and we had 1800 people there to watch that's all our gym would hold by the way we were sold out you know I suppose the kids as you said the boys and then they see athletes uh jump rope all the time especially boxers road work that was one of the gimmicks I used when these boys didn't want to do it I dug out some pictures of some of the football players and some of the boxers uh you know Joe Lewis and right uh Marciano and some of them and the greatest thing in the world for endurance and the stamina the timing the Rhythm coordination it's good for all of it it really is right so uh we've got a couple tonight we have how many students you say all together yeah do we have the world champion who holds the world record with 72 times jumped 72 times in 10 seconds in 10 seconds oh 72 Revolutions of the yeah the Rope goes under his feet 72 times in 10 seconds that's 7.2 times per second that would work out that way yeah foreign her own division in her own right so to speak right she's a third grader and she did 54 times in 10 seconds that's incredible I wouldn't even know how you could count them that fast well we'll find out okay yeah yeah okay of course we will that's what we're here for all right tell you what we're going to uh we're gonna take a break then we'll have these two youngsters come out and have a demonstration sure okay we'll be right back here we go thank you thank you okay if you just joined us we're talking uh Wally Mormon who are these uh two youngsters you want to introduce them we'll have them come out uh sure already you want to go over center stage and introduce them okay who do we have first we got Roxy hi Roxy Heights Roxy come on how are you okay [Music] would you like to uh I'd like you to count if you would I'll do the timing I can't do it all will you count it you want me to try to count yeah would you one okay I'll do my best uh we'll have them give you just a little sample okay just warm up a little bit just show them a little bit about what's going to happen oh two there's no way I can have it did you get it there's no way I can count that fast we have to is there another way don't you have on a an electric uh timer or something that does it no we can't afford like uh we got electricity and boomerville airport all the electrons it's going to start out kind of slow just just a normal just easy Tempo yeah I'm gonna see how where I lose the count okay just kind of start off easy for 10 seconds yeah like 10 seconds okay watch the boom here all right okay one two three four five six seven yeah foreign [Applause] Paul's gonna start first down first yeah okay he's tired that's that's tiring it's winded yeah okay Roxy it's all yours foreign [Applause] okay now Paul you wanna you wanna start again sure sure okay now really crank it up this time and go all out because when you do this a few seconds you whinge yourself considerably yes that's right I'll try to count I don't know if I can count with Paul because he's very fast okay ready [Applause] I had 60 up till then 60 something [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] this year yes that's really incredible say um Roxy would like to show you how to sure sure teach me how to do this that's really incredible that you have to take your shoes off really is it easier yes looks like it's going to make a difference to me [Applause] sure sure [Music] Ed you're my counter yes do I grab it right at the end part you better give me uh okay if you wanna whoa that don't work at all okay how much length rope do I like okay step on the middle step off huh and then um well yeah gets the right size if it's too long wrap it around like this this seems a little better like that yeah and then pitch it with your pinch it here thumb forefinger yeah okay and then just yeah you skip you you alternate right you can jump one two three yeah like that all right [Applause] now just let me one two two we know how many it is you were bending over when you were doing this all right can you do it this way sure two and a half foreign [Applause] well most time when I practice you practice just for to make sure you don't miss because that's a H when you missed like if I had a message to be a second that's about seven jumps just to if I was going 72 right okay um okay um you want to bend on because it's short of Revolution for the Rope that's right that shortens it down doesn't it of course well I'll just take another one foreign [Applause] you have to be in remarkable physical shape to do that that is very winning and it takes a lot of endurance a lot of practice so that's remarkable I'd like to present you as with or Johnny sorry foreign [Applause] [Applause] can I get back yeah be in good shape to do that really that's such a young people's sport uh it is always a pleasure to welcome this gentleman I consider you a good friend and he's one of the most distinguished members of the film industry would you welcome Mr Charlton Heston [Applause] [Music] I should have got you out here a few moments ago oh boy so you could Johnny so you could jump a little rope with the kids I saw that that's that's tough that's really tough I think you did very well I was cheating I cheated on those things no surely not anything anything how you been I haven't seen you for a while so I saw you Academy Awards night you did the um yes the best picture kind of glanced off one another there that's such a huge production isn't that a hectic thing backstage I was telling the people a little earlier about all the stuff that's going on back no idea just looking at it on the on the screen what it's it's like a an amphibious Landing backstage with neon lights we got some pictures this time oh yeah this is intriguing I remember we've talked about it before the number of Parts you have played in uh what they call Epic or costume pictures biographical type of things and it seems about half of the pictures you've been in you would you probably know the correct figure you have worn a beard beard quite often I am undoubtedly worn more beards than any other living actor you wear them well uh no you do you have that Monumental metal face and you can wear a beard so this is from uh that's uh Cardinal Richelieu now here's the interesting thing because about half those beards are real beards that I grew and half are fake and half are fake let's try to figure out which of which that should be that one uh what would you say you guess I'm gonna say this is a fake beard yeah that's right yeah that that was designed by Ziggy geiki who is the best beard maker there's no reason I uh that I could really tell as far as that goes well except that's a it's a the kind of beards and I've got the fake nose on too that's a fake nose that's right my nose I hope so one of the things I liked about playing Richelieu is the only historical character I've played with a bigger nose than I have so okay now in Planet of the Apes Planet of the Apes I would assume this is your own your own Rush there you're getting very good you're batting a thousand I would say that's your own now I grew that one yeah look at that how about the Chester is that your own Chuck is that the you don't want to get too personal here but uh yeah no that that chest hair that's yours no come on see there have been pictures now there have been pictures in which the leading my when I played Moses they had to shave the chest then I don't know why but they don't know my health has never never occurred to me now this is from uh that's the film I made last summer I'll be back here in July talking about it when it comes out it's called the mountain man now this is one I am not sure I really couldn't tell you on this and I don't know why it looked like it could be your own well that's also one of Ziggy's beards that's a that's a fake right that's uh that's a fake beard that's a sensational one that's Sensational yeah that's a good job that's one of my wife's photographs by the way oh that's one of the videos shots she's very good she's very good indeed yeah okay now that's from a film that's yet to be released that's from the film be out in the fall called The Awakening I can't I can't tell again there you go I know I'm gonna guess when did you make this picture real wouldn't you make the picture well last summer then you didn't have this last summer because I I've seen you last summer yeah but see the vote was real and that's they guessed real lucky beard the only reason I would have known because at that time now in Moses here you are as Moses yeah you know they had this on there yeah you were wonderful in that part you really were in The Ten Commandments here now that again I would assume would have to be a student actually I wore nine different beards in that uh because you aged all the way through the picture first one was my own it was just a stubble right brick pits and then when I was throwing the tablets around why uh it's it's uh nine different beards and yeah got into false noses and false eye bags and all kinds of stuff I think a real nuisance in a picture I remember only once in a play I had to wear a little mustache and I had to put it on with spirit gum every night spirit gum when I was studying makeup at Northwestern I thought the smell of spirit gum you know it's some kind of adhesive dissolved in ether it was the most exciting smell in the world now I've used up about five gallons of it and I want to tell you you sit up in the snow in the Grand Tetons at five o'clock in the morning and the makeup man comes okay all right yeah yeah but you don't run through so much of it when you're a young actor is there any greater thrill the first time you appear in a play even if it's an amateur in school where they go in and put the makeup on and even in those days I remember in the school play they would dab on a little lipstick and they may put a little color in their hair to make if you're playing an older part and by God you really thought I'm trying to fool the audience you're somebody else right but fake beards can get to be oh that's why if I have time to grow my own beard uh unfortunately it takes me about seven weeks or guys grow faster beards than I do how about that that's got to be that's yours now no yes that's yours that's right that was for Michelangelo on The Agony and the Ecstasy you were Sensational in that picture too and they played that again uh just I had a fake nose in that Michelangelo's nose was more broken than mine you can't quite see it in that shot but uh they put a little plastic noodle in my nose so it kind of went over like this and it's got to be uncomfortable how about when you have a leading ladies and you have the Romantic scenes with the with the the scraggly mustache and beards is that a little bit well if they're paste on beards you've got to play those scenes very carefully if they're real beards I think uh I think ladies like them it helps yeah when I've grown my own beards I know my wife likes it and my daughter likes it and that's my firm barometer yeah I have a theory about beards I think if you stop to think of it uh growing a beard is one of the few things men can do that women don't want to do right [Applause] and that's it's our last retreat no I know a girl wants the service at once as a long ago and it's really not important anyway when you go out in location you travel a great deal there's a political with you your wife go with you especially as a photographer she uh finds it a stimulating way to find things to shoot although she she sometimes as on the mountain men did some of the Stills for the pictures but she's really more interested in photographing uh what she finds behind the cameras pointing the other direction right and of course is she not having a show somewhere or yes indeed she is uh I don't have anything opening for a couple of months and we'll be back to talk about that I hope that anytime but uh Lydia has another photo exhibit opening uh Sunday right at the greenhouse which is across from the county Art Museum and the opening day we're gonna have a brunch for the benefit of the retinitis Pigmentosa foundation and all the proceeds from the pictures she sells she's going to give to them which I think is nice too it's wonderful is that something she did before when you were going to and was an actress did several films and a number of plays actually succeeded start on Broadway before I did uh but after our son was born why she became less interested in acting and what then was a hobby photography now has become a full-fledged career and she's had existence all over and uh it's it's gotten to be a very exciting thing and I'm very proud of her she's a she's a classy lady in a gifted photographer that's great we've talked about this before because everybody who sees Hollywood Stars celebrities assume that I don't know why they assume but always sometimes think that they've always lived in a certain style but I think we talked about when you first turn you live in a little what a one-room called water flat like water flies um outnumbered by about 5 000 cockroaches in Hell's Kitchen and there you are and Lydia was supporting me then and by modeling and then uh actually I had a brief career as a model I was a nude model at the art students League uh in the uh the life Studies classes no we never talked about that we never talked about that is it okay sure that's right well actually at the time you got a dollar fifty an hour uh and you got a a coffee and tea break every 50 minutes right and so the cookies uh they gave you cookies too right and that counted in those days and actually I say nude model then uh there was discrimination the women modeled knew the men you got to wear little jock straps and Lydia made me a little velor jockstrap it was kind of cute I wish I still had it I could have competed with yours when you uh I've asked a lot of actors this now I get very often the same reaction I'm going to guess what yours is going to be and I'll even I'll even pre-gas because when you see something that you've done before do you have ambivalent feelings you said I wish I could do this again I would like to do this in a different way certain scenes will please you but generally most actors if they're creative at all and the real professionals always look at something and I've never made a movie or done a play it's easier to tell with a movie because you can see it right where it's a player right in the middle of it never done a film that I was completely happy with I've never done a one I wouldn't like to do all over because I could do it better and I think that as you say that's okay that's what it's supposed to be it's supposed to please an audience not the people who make it you're supposed to right people say you wasn't it fun working with wilder no it wasn't fun working with Weiler he was very tough to work with uh and you're doing something I I know you well enough to know you have this attitude towards what you do you're never completely satisfied I don't think so but on the other hand that's what makes it satisfying for a lifetime that's how you can keep doing it because you say I'm gonna get it right one of these days well you can find you can find another dimension or you find ways around you can work a little bit sure you've worked also as many uh period pictures animals we we have a lot of animals on the show and Ed and I have had a running battle for years um the horse versus the pig um about which is horses are prettier they're prettier but they're Dumber oh yes bloody stupid animals I have a bad believe me you've got to believe me I've made a lot of my living on them and they're who I don't know who was said it but it's certainly true the three most beautiful things in the world are a sleeping baby a naked woman and a running horse that's certainly true that's a nice line more a running naked woman you're running naked woman asleep a woman who's asleep running naked I think all three of those but how many films have you made with pigs how can you compare I've been around pigs as I said they're not prettier but boy they're smarter the problem with a horse is not only is he stupid but they're very strong and they can hurt you from both ends stop and think about that they're very skittish I'll give you one thing though or give Ed one thing I don't want to have you win all these certainly Johnny right um the only animal uh that is now horses are not mean see they're just dumb but the camel oh now let me talk to you bro I've made three pictures with camels and I don't care if I never get within a hundred feet of a camel again spit a lot don't they they spit they smell bad they bite even when you are on them they can reach around and bite you on the knee right and do and also they complain you know they got a Sit Downs for you to get on them and then they get up like this and they complain the whole time they go I don't do that very good my next impression hey it is always good to see you uh Johnny it's lovely to come but it feels I guess I've been coming by here so long that it feels like I'm dropping into an old friend I hope you keep doing it then to tell any I hope her exhibition is this Sunday is it Sunday at the greenhouse it goes real well thank you very much lovely thank you thank you [Applause] [Music] [Applause] that's a good camel doesn't it it sure does there's a fine camel they are mean what scandals are terrible well you'd be mean too if you had nothing to sit on a hot desert and people telling you get up get down get up get down you drink water every two weeks you get a little nasty I've seen you when you haven't had any water for two weeks okay uh we'll return uh with our guests we have Bobby kilton and Dorothy Staffing all righty moving along I'm glad you're in a good mood tonight because my next guest is a fine young comedian who's been with us before he'll be opening uh for Gladys Knight in the Pips at Horrors in Reno Nevada from May 29th through June 11th would you welcome please Bobby Kelton thank you I'm kind of curious how many joggers do we have here tonight so now that I'm living out here I exercise California style see I don't jog what I do is I get up every day put on my sneakers get in my car and I drive two or three miles feel great every day religiously now you know what's interesting they still have gas lines out here which um I need a guest today I had the wrong license plate and it really annoys me because next month having the Indianapolis 500 you know I like to turn on the TV in here well AJ foyt is pointing to the pit stop and wait a second he can't get gas he has an even license plate he's getting on his moped you know what you know what I like to watch on TV old reruns like today I was watching my favorite old show Dragnet remember Dragnet with Jack Webb Jack Webb had the personality of a digital watch he always knew what time it was 4 18 PM we apprehended the suspect 6 p.m we booked him 918 went home took my wife to bed 9 19 it was over sorry for his wife honey I love you just the facts ma'am just the facts like most police shows it was very unrealistic because you know if you ever need a cop today you don't call the police station you go to any Winchell's Donut shop right Jimmy you ever see him hi I'm officer glaze this is patrolman jelly instead of a badge they have a little French crawler over here I mean your house can get robbed your only hope is if the crook stops the donuts on a way home and the police out here are so serious you know they never smile they get uptight if you go over and jokingly pull the gun out of their holster no sense of humor I think everybody's lost their sense of humor even the airlines like I was at the airport and you know um you can't kid around about weapons anymore they're very safety conscious so next to the X-ray machine they actually have a sign no joking Beyond this point you should see that sign over at the international terminal they have a picture of two guys with a big X through it you know okay can't trust the airlines anymore you know like many of you I'm a little nervous about flying dc-10s so I was at the airport and I said to the guy look I'd rather not fly a DC-10 he goes don't worry you'll be on our new dc-101 I looked at the plane the last one was written in magic marker can't believe anything you see anymore you know I was going out to eat the other night and I saw this little out of the way restaurant they had a little sign that said intimate dining I went in the waiter tried to french kiss me that's why I don't I don't need that anymore I just make uh TV dinners all the time I was kind of curious how many of you still occasionally make a TV dinner [Applause] to follow the directions you know you ever find yourself running to the garbage to fish out the cardboard box every five seconds where is that damn thing where's the Box it's so complicated you know preheat oven to 400 Degrees fold aluminum foil to expose chicken and if still alive grab chicken by neck and ring till dead if chicken is still not dead give it the dessert in right hand corner that will kill the chicken yeah they can have TV dinners for specific shows you know they could have a Charlie's Angels TV dinner the Box looks good but there's nothing inside a Three's Company vegetarian dinner Two Nuts and a fruit [Applause] Tonight Show dinner you open it up as a substitute entree thank you let's start a whole whole market for these things they're getting very Innovative a lot of the things they come out with I don't know if you've seen them in the markets like Arm and Hammer has a baking soda deodorant that's great you could have corn muffins growing out of your armpits or they have these new potato chips what do you call them shingles or something you know Pringles sorry they come in this can I opened up one of those cans there were no potato chips in there three tennis balls have you seen the roach motels they're selling now I got one not only didn't it catch any roaches but the next day all the towels were gone I had ladybugs of the evening hanging around I think some things are just embarrassing to buy like the foot spray they can't just write foot spray on the can they have to write anti-fungus you go up to pay the cashiers going here that'll be a dollar 29. we're just leaving money in the counter look I'm pregnant all right [Music] you know it doesn't work in the supermarket you know it's a fraud the express line where it says 10 items or less because we never trust the guy in front of us we always start counting as items you know as if we're going to say something if he has too many you know he put something back Bozo give me that avocado I'm always afraid these Supermarket Patrol is gonna pull me over yeah all right you want to leave your groceries where they are and step out of the line please well you had 12 items pal where's the picnic foreign I like the cashiers when they ring everything up they go that'll be 1651 do you have a penny I always want to go hey good deal thanks a lot [Applause] I'll tell you something there are some lines that are worse than the express line in the supermarket like when you go into a bank like Bank of America Friday afternoon you know it's like being on a freeway with the ropes that kind of winds around you know they have on-ramps exit signs little rest areas stuckies restaurants you know next thing you know they'll have traffic helicopters uh there's been a 12-person collision near the deposit slips apparently an old lady has jackknifed and gone over the ropes the banks out here are a little paranoid you go in all the pens are out of ink and they're chained to the tables like some Maniac bank robber is going to come in all right nobody move Vinnie get the pens that's right we're the Parker Brothers my name is Blair he's ballpoint and the tellers are real nice to you when you open your account they're all smiles you ever try to close your account they get a little testy you know oh you want your money back you little maggot well we don't have it pal we spent it on that blender we gave you you know how most banks have cameras to take pictures of everything I I just ritzy Beverly Hills Bank they don't have that they have a little man who does charcoal sketches my bank just put up a sign this Bank guarded by silent alarm system you ever wonder about that silent alarm I always picture a mute in the back coin can pitch a couple of cops down at the police station you hear something Bill no must be that silent alarm let's go get some donuts and check it out [Applause] I think about a year ago I said about a year ago my next guest was working at an ice cream stand in Vancouver and her boyfriend talked to her and to send us some photographs which he set off to Playboy magazine and this is the result yesterday she was named Playmate of the Year and we thought we would say the dessert to last for sure would you welcome Dorothy Stratton thank you [Applause] I know that's you by golly that's you you really are a lovely young lady thank you I saw you you were on the news last night I think uh on the local newscast from the did you know how long before did you know that you were selected as Playmate of the Year well we started shooting the issue you sometime in October of 1979 right and we finished in March of 1980. right so we shot for quite a few months yeah you received it used to be in the early days I remember the gals would get uh a few little prizes but this year you got quite a bunch of things right I got a 65 000 Russian Sable fur coat a 25 000 check and a 26 000 jaguar and and a 13 000 bathtub what what over the Thirteen thousand dollar bathtub I mean it's made of brass it was handmade and it has uh four jacuzzi Jets on the inside it fits about 10 people what are we gonna tell the other eight yeah you you're from Vancouver I imagine well now what did you do in Vancouver were you a professional model at all before no I just graduated from high school when I was approached by a Playboy and I was working in a telephone company I was a clerk typist you're putting me on no I worked there just six weeks before they carried me away that was good good move the only good thing that ever came out of the telephone company somebody said what's this business uh what's his business working in an ice cream stand I worked there for four years um part-time while I was going through high school right and uh one day this gentleman walked in with this gorgeous blonde that's long for a coat and I have them sitting at um waiting on him at the Dairy Queen two little pigtails and a little red Smock on and I said can I help you and he says what's your name it happened from there just it's like something you would appear in a movie right yeah they said come to Hollywood were you a little reluctant did you think maybe it was a some kind of a trick or something oh well uh when I was being asked if I would play where I was looking for a 25th anniversary girl then so it was a big contest and when I was asked if I would pose for the magazine um I couldn't talk to my mother about it because she was in Europe so I had to make the decision on my own and uh my boyfriend who's my husband now um just uh said that it was the best thing for me to do and so after about three weeks I finally decided I would sure no what are you gonna do with all your money I read I think I read in Playboy that you were you're gonna buy property or something yeah I'd like to buy some real estate as a house somewhere out of the city yeah are you gonna stay out live in California I've been living here for a year and a half now yeah now let me ask you something it's they made they've made surveys that when men look at magazines like Playboy and obviously men find women attractive they say that men well what I'm saying is this what the point I'm getting at and I'll I'll get there in a moment that men are more are more visually stimulated by seeing the female form without clothes than women are now there are magazines that came out I think there's a plague girl in which they ask men to pose nude do women generally have the same reaction if they see a pretty male [Applause] stay out of it you know what I'm saying well my speaking for myself I think uh Mayo is more a sexier um showing a little bit or or some I mean that's all right in a bikini or trunks or rather than being completely yeah yeah yes I suppose that's true with man really is what you know the imagination plays a great part you know and yet you appear here sounds everything right well um there's a difference I think um by the way that Playboy has their girls pose then a lot of the other magazines and they're the other the other magazines definitely leave nothing to the imagination right you know anytime I've talked to very attractive girls they seem to when they were younger think that they were not pretty how did you feel about yourself when you were growing up obviously you can tell when a man is looking at you but somebody told me that you felt it's a little awkward well growing up through high school I was very very skinny I had no [Music] no shape to my body and I was I had my lips my my face wasn't full grown and my lips were really big and kids teased me about me yeah I was always teased about my big lips and my small eyes and and being really tall and flat chested and yeah he must be terrific it's all in the timing yeah is is there any any part of you that you feel self-conscious about now um yeah all the time when when people sometimes if I'm walking down the street and somebody looks at me I know that I'm very tall and I'm five foot nine inches and I either feel very tall or I wonder if I've got something smeared on my face or or something my dress is torn or something like that feel I don't see because you think your eyes are too small well they they with the makeup helps a little bit but then my eyes are very small yeah well it worked out all right what do you notice first about a man man's walking down the street do you walk into a room what what's the first thing you notice stand up [Applause] um his chest I know that's a man's chest first night good it feels so self-conscious about myself music we are back and about Out of Time Dorothy I I want to thank you for being with us tonight you're very lovely young lady and I wish you well you just told me you are already making a motion picture yes I'm in the middle of uh shooting a film for Peter [Music] paid up shoes on it good well I wish you much luck thank you thank you for being with us tonight uh tomorrow night we have Miss Shelley Winters Susan George Olympic skating sensation Eric Hyden will be with us tomorrow tom Sharpton singers Kelly Garrett thank you very much today we'll see you tomorrow good night thank you [Music] I'm humbled by that Applause [Music] foreign [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] foreign [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] that's very nice of you thank you [Applause] thank you I uh I'll be honest with you I um I'll be honest with you I love Ovation of standing you know sitting or rehearsed makes no difference to me it's nice feels good I haven't seen you for a while I know I know I miss you yeah I missed you and you didn't write postcard nothing I called you to tell you how great you were on the Oscars and I couldn't find you by the way our next presenters are the lovely Virginia Mayo and The Dashing Cesar Romero that show is still going on that was um that's a long show personally I'm not interested I think they have too many awards in the Academy Awards I'm not interested in the best film editing in a Portuguese short subject mating habits of pelicans I don't care who edited that at all have a late breaking news well and speaking of that show though Ellen split just arrived at the Academy Awards pick up his Hospital we made Ellen spider household name People magazine this week had a whole page on Allen's butt he was the gentleman who won I think a special award for film editing I believe on the Black Stallion and he didn't show up and I kept talking about it all during the show and he's famous household word Alan split anyway I'm Johnny Carson the rosie Ruiz of Comedy [Applause] no what I mean by that I'm what I mean by that I'm around at the Finish but nobody can prove I did any jokes in between it's kind of a weird case wasn't it nobody seems to know what's going on back there I tuned in I found out I was on television again Sunday on 60 Minutes and the reason I tuned in I wanted to watch myself because I was anxious to find out if I knew anything I didn't know and I didn't surprise myself at all I knew all of that that's good to be back I have a late report from The Newsroom first yeah President Carter just appointed Bobby Vinton a new senator from Maine I'm sure you know by now that uh Senator Edmund Muskie from the state of Maine is our new secretary of state appointed by presidents [Applause] are you all from Maine dear you're a muskie I like him Ed Muskie seems like a good man you know what do you know the senator oh you are from Maine yes okay they're still again anyway he is the I believe our first polish Secretary of State and the reason I'm not going to wait a minute now not me kid no no I understand Carter hired him because he's the only one who can pronounce Zig new Brzezinski did I pronounce it right it's a big new Brzezinski that's not easy uh and it was rumored as you know I guess it was a false rumor that John Anderson was going to ask Walter Cronkite to be his vice president did you hear that on the news Walter turned him down yeah Walter turned him down now Anderson is desperate he just asked Jerry Dunphy and Christine Lund to be his Coco vice president I don't know if it'll work or not I understand as soon as Craig appeared that Cronkite might be vice president when people thought it was for sure for a while that Roger Mudd called him called Walter and said look Walter can I fill in for you on your days off and Walter said I'm sorry Roger we're going with Dan Rather and that's the way it is I think Walter had a good reason to turn down the offer to run with Anderson he doesn't Walter doesn't want to drop from number one in the ratings to number three see Walter is way up there they had a poll about a year ago and who do you think one of the most I think the most trusted man in America was Walter Cronkite I'm gonna take my own pillow we do this occasion we have about 500 people here every night we get a good cross section of taste and you know opinion in the country how many would like to see Walter Cronkite as the vice president how many would like to see Walter Cronkite as president how many would actually Walter Cronkite as king wow what else happened anyway to set the record spread according to Walter Cronkite he said he has no interest in politics and he is not going to run it's gonna be pretty good though wouldn't he yeah what else has happened I read in the paper this past week about the profits of the oil companies now they get angry and I get to letters from Oil Company Executives every time I mention this but if I'm not quoting the figure incorrectly it said that exxon's Prophets in the first quarter of this year or 1.9 billion dollars did I get that I think correctly an increase of something like 36 but Exxon defended the prophets they said they needed the money they're going to put it into the exploration of new bank vaults in Switzerland I know what's going to happen tomorrow I'll get a letter but we have to drill for a while but that's a lot of loot isn't it uh some television news while I was going our own network NBC canceled a show called uh pink lady and Jeff [Applause] and they're opening a massage parlor with with Tony Orlando's Dawn now they also Castle a show that's become a fixture in my home here's Boomer uh are you familiar but you are you know about that show the cute little dog that's that's that's gone did you know what the Dog's real name was I found out how do you know that absolutely true the dog's name was Johnny and that frightened me a little because this morning I came to work I heard something about Fred Silverman was unhappy with Johnny and thinking of putting him to sleep oh my God things do happen quickly don't they did you the 79 year old Xavier Cugat announced plans that he's going to get married again yes to a 24 year old woman by the name of Yvonne Martinez now his last two wives if you don't know were Abby Lane and Charo his doctor told him to go easy one more coochie coochie could be fatal what's the old Story the doctor says it's your readers you realize what sexual relations could mean yes and the guy says if she goes she dies there she dies she dies that's right well whatever it's close to that [Music] he's old hey we got a great show and little later on G Gordon Liddy we'll be out here and explain his plan to kill the Village People by poisoning their clothes you know we have Mr Mr Charlton Heston is with us tonight we have a very funny young man funny young Comedian Bobby Kelton is here a gentleman whose name you probably don't know his name is walty Mormon and he is uh I guess in charge of the uh what's the name of the town I gotta get the town right Boomer Wisconsin Boomer Wisconsin right it is the home of the world's speed jumper bro it's yeah the home of the world's jump rope competition come on now folks and the young lady who was selected by Hugh Hefner to be the playmate not of the month but the Playmate of the Year yes Dorothy's [Applause] [Music] [Applause] thank you we'll be right back goodbye we'll be right back we'll be right back here we go we'll be all right we're back thank you okay I uh nice to see you back thank you missed you good to see you part for two weeks that's true you're back one night you've canceled the show that's not canceled you got the wrong town yeah now let me explain something I I sit apparently in the monologue I said that a show called here's Boomer uh and one of NBC shows has been canceled I was informed just a moment ago that a boomer has not been canceled don't you think I think he's being fixed I think all right he's not being canceled he's just being fixed so uh I like Boomer don't you think you let Mr Silverman do this I think you're absolutely right now a boomer I like you know the story on that no friend you know for AC Lyles for producer yeah good friend of mine he told me one night that the dog that is in that show they picked up at a dog pound they were you know going to destroy the dog and they were looking for a dog to play Disney went down they saw this little mutt which it is a mutt I guess and plucked him out of the pound and uh put him on television and uh what did you do with me remember NBC gets many of their shoes are about ready to be destroyed and uh they buy them from the pound or from the Humane Society give them a last shot here but let me say again folks apparently the winners here's Boomer on the air every now and then come on we've already did I know when it's on somebody our crack staff Friday night it's on Friday nights and here's Boomer has knocked down so I'm sorry I did not mean the woods anyway and the town the town is bloomer but you can confuse that Tanya's blue mover Michigan right here's Boomer Wisconsin it's my first night back and it takes me a while to uh but I must I must publicly say that you are absolutely elegant and magnificent on the Oscars would you like a few little inside things on what happened that night it's interesting because as you know Marty faceta Howard Cox was a producer Marty pasetta directed that show they used 17 television cameras for that show about eight of them are Backstage on booms and set in various places so they can shoot into the audience and cross shoot and everything and about halfway through the show all Communications went out between the director and all of what we call the stagehands or the men on the floor they had no communication whatsoever there was a line that was cut they don't know what happened then they went to what they call it they have a backup it's called what uh the other line our producer Freddie decordova technically has this business mastered that's right no they're not the lead lines or what are they what do they call Bob anyway the stage hands or the floor manager could not talk with Marty in the booth he need to throw cues or times or anything and they managed to get through the rest of that show for about an hour and a half using hand signals people running up saying when we come out of this we'll go to this commercial and I don't think anybody certainly ran a little long Justin Henry went through puberty did you know during the show right in the middle of the show his voice thank you very much but anyway it's is a picture of Bloomer Wisconsin there is Boomer no you see folks weak now would you cancel how could I cancel a dog like that that's right well that's cute but he's put there two John 11 kisses I don't have a good a color shot as this I mean this is high quality look at the high quality paper in this beautiful this must have cost them a fortune I got I'm using Black and Whites taken with a Bruno of Hollywood yeah of Hollywood whom I think is dead isn't it no I shouldn't say that Bruno of Hollywood may not be dead either look I said I said one night on the show that Clayton Moore had passed away the Lone Ranger and I got a letter from Clayton Moore said he would hadn't passed away at all he was no you let the audience judge which is best show him that one quality of this picture folks throw him that one paid for by NBC or the quality of this piece of junk this has got to cost him fifty dollars a print this is not on a machine in the office 30 for a penny Maxwell Brady what was that during the Civil War what was that guy's name that's it was that it that's it Matthew Matthew Brady 1897. yes that's a fortune this is okay well it shows you know where NBC puts their money and this is the lady later who comes on who looks but who looks better than Boomer and looks better than me [Applause] they didn't get her from no dog pound she's actually coming out here tonight that is a bowl of cream hello my precious okay you have thank you anyway let's see so far I've uh canceled Boomer put away Bloomer Wisconsin and Wally Mormon is and they are it is he's the director of the city of Bloomer's speed rope jumping contest they're going to demonstrate that right here on our station we have Chuck hessen Bobby Kelton and Dorothy Stratton whom you've just seen we'll do this and then we're going to come right back and try to get all this together [Music] speaking of polls there was another one about the presidential poll and apparently the overriding concern with most people in this country is inflation still it's still going up and um in this week's issue of uh well it wasn't an issue the Southland life insurance company prepared a poster was about this size so we didn't bring it down we just copied some of the things and they listed 101 ways you as an individual can fight inflation I'd like to hear some of those would you yeah no not really they're just now that some of them sound very obvious but you might not think of them to save money for example they said fix that leaky faucet yourself rather than calling in a plumber how many how many people can fix a leaky faucet about 18 plumbers that's right they said check check out a book from the library instead of buying it you know if you want the best seller go to the library remember when we used to do that as a kid I'm not sure right on both sides of the paper for a little saving folks they add up sure they suggest use soap until it disintegrates [Music] that's right my mother would take the little pieces of soap you remember when they used to do this gather them up and put them in a little wire kind of thing with a handle on it and then use it in the yeah to make a soap set to wash dishes yeah anybody remember that sure anybody cared [Applause] pay for your next gasoline fill up with cash check out TV Guide before you head out to the movies by slightly damaged or irregular items you know mostly Irregulars either a little thread something pulled and hide those things here's one they use aluminum foil more than once makes sense having all vegetable meal let's not go crazy a lot of people don't eat meat at all you know drive your car like there was an egg between the accelerator and the floorboard incidentally there is an egg get a haircut that will last for a few months oh anyway they have 101 of those suggestions I wish you saw the original ad in because I'd like to have seen it like why is that well I mean if I saw the whole ad then I'd know if it was all there you know when you see the whole ad you look at a totality and you see everything that's certainly true I would imagine it in the ad every tip in the world you'd want to know about saving money stay inflation breath can we get more well they did obvious ones right we have some that are large staff a little more demanding but nevertheless we think we'll save you bigger bucks feed only your favorite children [Applause] saving rather than trying to keep up with the Joneses Rob the Fergusons don't buy something you don't really need simply because it's on sale how often are you going to use edible odor eaters if your utility bills are too high plug your appliances into a fat man wearing corduroy pants it's a lot of some of these are rather severe I saw the roof off your bedroom and charged airplane passengers to watch your wife turn you down dripping faucet right instead of calling a plumber weld a thirsty kitten to the leak [Music] the pet lovers I should have read that when I came out avoid long-distance phone calls instead of phoning your mother snap on a blue wig and nag yourself there's going to be another call tomorrow I'm going to get would you know that Mama are going to call you'll save money if you avoid buying name brand marijuana eat less expensive desserts such as those made from rayon [Music] waddle into a park dress like a pigeon and force an old lady to feed you her crumbs I told you some of these are weird but we're in hard times desperate times call for desperate measures shave your head go out to the airport and roll a Hare Krishna for his flower [Applause] spend money sending your parents to an expensive rest home take them aside and very quietly try to convince them that they are dead no that one was just completely I don't like that that's too hard okay we'll return with our guests we have as I say Wally Mormon Bobby Kelton Dorothy Stratton and Chuck Heston and after this brief intermission that's what we're going to do we're going to take that's right [Music] [Applause] [Music] thank you indeed [Music] my first guest is the director of the city of bloomers speed rope jumping contest now this year was the 20th annual compensation and we have Wally Mormon here to tell us how it went this year I don't even know how it went last year but I want to find out Wally Mormon okay [Music] thank you while the other hand that's what makes it satisfying for a lifetime that's how you can keep doing it because you say I'm going to get it right one of these days well you can find you can find another dimension or you find ways you can work a little bit sure you've worked also as many of period pictures animals we we have a lot of animals on the show and Ed and I have had a running battle for years um the horse versus the pig um about which is prettier they're prettier but they're Dumber oh yes bloody stupid animals I have a bad believe me you've got to believe me I've made a lot of my living on them and they're who I don't know who was said it but it's certainly true the three most beautiful things in the world are a sleeping baby a naked woman and a running horse that's certainly true that's a nice line or a running naked woman you're running naked asleep a woman who's asleep running naked I think all three of those but how many films have you made with pigs how can you compare I've been around pigs as I said they're not prettier no but boy they're smarter the problem with a horse is not only is he stupid but they're very strong and they can hurt you from both ends stop and think about that they're very skittish I'll give you one thing though or give Ed one thing I don't want to have you win all these certainly Johnny right um the only animal uh that is now horses are not mean see they're just dumb but the camel oh now let me talk to you but I've made three pictures with camels and I don't care if I never get within a hundred feet of a camel again spit a lot don't they they spit they smell bad they bite even when you are on them they can reach around and bite you on the knee right and do and also they complain you know they got to sit down for you to get on them and then they get up like this and they complain the whole time my next impression hey it is always good to see you it's lovely to come but it feels I guess I've been coming by here so long that it feels like I'm dropping into an old friend I hope you keep doing it and tell any I hope her exhibition is this Sunday is it Sunday at the greenhouse it goes real well thank you very much come back soon lovely thank you [Applause] [Music] [Applause] well you'd be mean too if you had nothing to sit on a hot desert and people telling you get up get down get up get down you drink water every two weeks you get a little nasty I've seen you when you haven't had any water for two weeks and you go walk [Music] turn uh I guess we have Bobby Kelton and Dorothy Staffing us all righty moving along I'm glad you're in a good mood tonight because my next guest is a fine young comedian who's been with us before he'll be opening uh for Gladys Knight in the Pips of Horrors in Reno Nevada from May 29th through June 11th would you welcome please Bobby Kelton I'm kind of curious how many joggers do we have here tonight oh now that I'm living out here I exercise California style see I don't jog what I do is I get up every day put on my sneakers get in my car and I drive two or three miles feel great every day religiously now you know what's interesting they still have gas lines out here which I need a guest today I had the wrong license plate and it really annoys me because next month having the Indianapolis 500 you know I like to turn on the TV in here well AJ foyt is pointing into the pit stop and wait a second he can't get gas he has an even license plate he's getting on his moped you know what you know what I like to watch on TV old reruns like today I was watching my favorite old show Dragnet remember Dragnet with Jack Webb Jack Webb had the personality of a digital watch what time it was 4 18 PM we apprehended the suspect 6 p.m we booked him 9 18 went home took my wife to bed 9 19 it was over I felt sorry for his wife honey I love you just the facts ma'am just the facts shows it was very unrealistic you know if you ever need a cop today you don't call the police station you go to any Winchell's Donut shop right you ever see him hi I'm officer glaze this is patrolman jelly instead of a badge they have a little French crawler over here I mean your house can get robbed your only hope is if the crook stops the donuts on the way home and the police out here are so serious you know they never smile they get uptight if you go over and jokingly pull the gun out of their holster no sense of humor I think everybody's lost their sense of humor even the airlines like I was at the airport and you know um you can't kid around about weapons anymore they're very safety conscious so next to the X-ray machine they actually have a sign no joking Beyond this point you should see that sign over at the international terminal they have a picture of two guys with a big X through it you know something I can't trust the airlines anymore you know like many of you I'm a little nervous about flying dc-10s so I was at the airport and I said to the guy look I'd rather not fly a DC-10 he goes don't worry you'll be in our new dc-101 I looked at the plane the last one was written in magic marker can't believe anything you see anymore you know I was going out teeth the other night and I saw this little out of the way restaurant they had a little sign that said intimate dining I went in the waiter tried to french kiss me that's why I don't I don't need that anymore I just make uh TV dinners all the time I was kind of curious how many of you still occasionally make a TV dinner [Applause] to follow the directions you know you ever find yourself running to the garbage to fish out the cardboard box every five seconds now where is that damn thing where's the Box it's so complicated you know preheat oven to 400 Degrees fold aluminum foil to exposed chicken and if still alive grab chicken by neck and ring till then if chicken is still not dead give it the dessert in right hand corner that will kill the chicken yeah they can have TV dinners for specific shows you know they could have a Charlie's Angels TV dinner the Box looks good but there's nothing inside a Three's Company vegetarian dinner Two Nuts and a fruit or a Tonight Show dinner you open it up as a substitute entree foreign market for these things they're getting very Innovative a lot of the things they come out with I don't know if you've seen them in the markets like Arm and Hammer has a baking soda deodorant that's great you could have corn muffins growing out of your armpits or they have these new potato chips what do you call them shingles or something Pringles sorry they come in this can I opened up one of those cans there were no potato chips in there three tennis balls have you seen the roach motels they're selling now I got one not only didn't it catch any roaches but the next day all the towels were gone I had ladybugs of the evening hanging around I think some things it's just embarrassing to buy like the foot spray they can't just write foot spray on the can they have to write anti-fungus you go up to pay the cashiers going here that'll be a dollar 29. we'll just leave your money on the counter look I'm pregnant all right uh you know it doesn't work in the supermarket you know it's a fraud the express line where it says 10 items or less because we never trust the guy in front of us we always start counting as items you know as if we're going to say something if he has too many you know hey put something back Bozo give me that avocado I'm always afraid these Supermarket Patrol is gonna pull me over all right you want to leave your groceries where they are and step out of the line please well you had 12 items pal where's the picnic foreign everything up they go that'll be 1651 do you have a penny I always want to go hey good deal thanks a lot [Applause] I'll tell you something there are some lines that are worse than the express line in the supermarket like when you go into a bank like Bank of America Friday afternoon you know it's like being on a freeway with the ropes that kind of winds around you know they have on-ramps exit signs little rest areas stuckies restaurants you know next thing you know they'll have traffic helicopters uh there's been a 12-person collision near the deposit slips apparently an old lady has jackknifed and gone over the Rope yes the banks out here are a little paranoid you go in all the pens are out of ink and they're chained to the tables like some Maniac bank robber is going to come in all right nobody move Vinnie get the pens that's right we're the Parker Brothers my name is Blair he's ballpoint and the tellers are real nice to you when you open your account they're all smiles you ever try to close your account they get a little testy you know oh you want your money back you little maggot well we don't have it pal we spent it on that blender we gave you you know how most banks have cameras to take pictures of everything I I have this ritzy Beverly Hills Bank they don't have that they have a little man who does charcoal sketches my bank just put up a sign this Bank guarded by silent alarm system you ever wonder about that silent alarm I always picture a mute in the back coin can you pitched a couple of cops down at the police station you hear something Bill no must be that silent alarm let's go get some donuts and check it out I apologize I put I put Boomer Bloom no no Bloomer in Michigan a while ago and obviously it's in Wisconsin 20 years you've been at this first thing I did was check the plane ticket I want to get home you want to make sure we may send you to some place you don't want to go a long way from Michigan to Wisconsin dude you've been out here for a few days uh no we just came out last night yeah so actually you haven't been here all day yet not quite no we like to establish those can I stay a little while sure you can you can you have what do you do you do it's a regular job back right and how did this start you said somebody said this is the 20th year well I used to be a high school teacher and then I was converted or transferred to the elementary junior high and Boomer and I was following the curriculum guide came to rope jumping so I went to the kids and I said hey kids we're going to jump rope yeah especially the boys because hey that's no way right as soon as I put the ropes away I went home didn't sleep too well I saw every kid's got competition in them they all are competitive right in fact they race down the Halls they fight to get to the classroom right it might be English arithmetic they can't stand history cotton picking Flags but they fight each other to get in the door first and be there they race down the hall in the lunchroom I'm interested in this too Wally [Applause] sorry oh that's all right it's difficult when you're sitting between to know who it is he knew where the town was so you should talk with him right so then what happened go ahead what happened so the next day I took a stopwatch and got the ropes out and I said hey kids let's see who can jump the fastest we'll try 10 seconds hey that sounds all right I want to be so and so anyway so the first kid maybe did 25 or 26 and the next one 27 at build-up enthusiasm right so they're needless to say the next class who won the last class well Charlie or Johnny or whatever and uh can I jump against the winner in the last class right sure sure you can see if you can be Johnny so um it all started this simply huh so then when we finally established through some of the room Champions were they said uh hey let's find out the grades the grades right so then we'll find out who's the best in each grade so we just said do that at night in the gym so we had 90 kids and 50 people showing up to watch we put a thing in our local baby the Boomer Advanced covered the event and the guy thought we were nuts of course and uh so do other people evidently but uh we had 90 jumpers and 50 people to watch it and uh he had more jumpers than actually the Watchers that's right that's right 40 more [Applause] you must have been a math teacher Wally I mean also somewhere somewhere along the line you did one year of math but never a math teacher so the audience is starting to build it the second yeah the second year we had uh 100 people and I cut the jumpers down to 50. right you don't think we had 50 more people than we did jumping right that's the way it should be starting to build yeah yeah now how about this year 20 years later this year we had 40 of the best jumpers which represented 12 000 kids that started the competition and we had 1800 people there to watch it that's all our gym would hold by the way we were sold out you know I suppose the kids as you said the boys and then they see athletes uh jump rope all the time especially boxers road work that was one of the gimmicks I used when these boys didn't want to do it I dug out some pictures of some of the football players and some of the boxers uh you know Joe Lewis and right uh Marciano and some of them and the greatest thing in the world for endurance and building up yeah the stamina the timing the Rhythm coordination it's good for all of it it really is right so uh we've got a couple tonight we have how many students you say all together do we have the world champion who holds the world record with 72 times jumped 72 times in 10 seconds in 10 seconds oh 72 Revolutions of the yeah the Rope goes under his feet 72 times in 10 seconds that's 7.2 times per second that would work out that way yeah that's right okay and then we have a we have a little gal with champ in uh her own division in her own right so to speak right she's a third grader and she did 54 times in 10 seconds that's incredible I wouldn't even know how you could count them that fast well we'll find out okay yeah yeah okay of course we will uh that's what we're here for all right tell you what we're going to uh we're gonna take a break then we'll have these two youngsters come out and have a demonstration sure okay we'll be right back [Applause] thank you if you just joined us we're talking uh Wally Mormon who are these uh two youngsters you want to introduce them we'll have them come out uh sure already so you want to go over center stage and introduce them okay who do we have first we got Roxy hi Roxy Heights who's our third grader Roxy come on how are you foreign [Music] [Applause] I can't do it all will you count it you want me to try to count yeah okay I'll do my best uh we'll have them give you just a little sample which you can just warm up a little bit just show them a little bit about what's going to happen there's no way I can have it did you get it there's no way I can count that fast we have to isn't there another way don't you have on a an electric uh timer or something that does it no we can't afford electric uh we got electricity in boomerville devices which all start out kind of slow just just a normal just easy Tempo are you going to count yeah I'm gonna see how where I lose the count okay just kind of start off easy for 10 seconds yeah I like 10 seconds okay watch the boom here all right okay [Applause] let's see how we come out okay okay okay I'll uh I'm not gonna use this whistle because all right Paul's gonna start first okay he's tired that's that's tiring it's winded yeah okay Roxy it's all yours foreign [Applause] okay now Paul you wanna you wanna start again sure sure okay now really crank it up this time and go all out because when you do this a few seconds you whinge yourself considerably yes that's right I'll try to count I don't know if I can count with Paul because he's very fast okay ready [Applause] I had 60 up till then 67. [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] this year yes that's really incredible say um Roxy would like to show you how to sure sure teach me how to do this that's really incredible that you have to take your shoes off really is it easier yeah well it's like it's going to make a difference to me [Applause] sure sure [Music] Ed you're my counter yes okay 18 19 20 20. do I grab it right at the end point um you better give me uh okay if you wanna whoa that don't work at all okay how much length rope do I like okay step on the middle step up huh and then um well yeah gets the right size if it's too long wrap it around like this it seems a little better like that yeah and then pitch it with your pinch it here thumb forefinger yeah okay and then just yeah you skip you you alternate right you can jump one two three yeah like that all right [Applause] now just let me one two two we know how many it is you were bending over when you were doing this is all right can you do it this way sure [Applause] I'm doing something wrong well most time when I practice you practice just for it to make sure you don't miss because that's ah and when you miss like if I had missed to be a second that's about seven jumps just to five let's go 172 right okay um okay um you want to bend down because it's shorter Revolution for the Rope that's right doesn't it of course well I'll just take another one maybe just a little more how many 14. you have to be number one you have to be in you have to be in remarkable physical shape to do that that is very winning and it takes a lot of endurance and a lot of practice so that's remarkable I'd like to present you Ed with her or Johnny sorry tonight [Applause] thank you young lady thank you we'll be right back after this with Jeff Hester and Bobby Pelton and Dorothy's Bradley ah can I get back yeah be in good shape to do that really that's such a young people's sport uh it is always a pleasure to welcome this gentleman I consider you a good friend and he's one of the most distinguished members of the film industry would you welcome Mr Charlton Heston [Applause] [Music] I should have got you out here a few moments ago oh boy so you could so you could jump a little rope with the kids I saw that that's that's tough that's really tough did very well I was cheating I cheat on those things no surely not anything how you been I haven't seen you for a while so I saw you Academy Awards night you did the um yes the the best picture kind of glanced off one another there that's such a huge production isn't that a hectic thing backstage I was telling the people a little earlier about all the stuff that's going on backwards no idea just looking at it on the on the screen what it's it's like a an amphibious Landing backstage with neon lights we got some pictures this time oh yeah this is intriguing I would I remember we've talked about it before the number of Parts you have played in uh what they call Epic or costume pictures biographical type of things and it seems about half of the pictures you've been in you would you probably know the correct figure you have worn a beard beard quite often I am undoubtedly worn more beards than any other living actor you wear them well uh no you do you have that Monumental metal face and you can wear a beard so this is from uh just dismantown that's uh Cardinal Richelieu now here's the interesting thing because about half those beards are real beards that I grew and half are fake and half are fake let's try to figure out which of which that should be that one uh what would you say you guess I'm gonna say this is a fake beard yeah that's right yeah that that was uh designed by Ziggy geiki who is the best beard maker there's no reason I uh that I could really tell as far as that goes well except that's a it's a the kind of beards and I've got the fake nose on too that's a fake nose that's right my nose I hope so one of the things I liked about it playing Richelieu is the only historical character I've played with a bigger nose than I have so okay now in Planet of the Apes Planet of the Apes I would assume this is your own your own Rush there you're getting very good you're batting a thousand I would say that's your own now I grew that one yeah look at that how about the Chester is that your own Chuck is that the you don't want to get too personal here but uh no that that chest hair that's yours no come on see there have been pictures now there have been pictures in which the leading my when I played Moses they had to shave the chest then I don't know why but they don't know never never occurred to me now this is from uh that's the film I made last summer I'll be back here in July talking about it when it comes out it's called the mountain man now this is one I am not sure I really couldn't tell you on this and I don't know why it looked like it could be your own well that's also one of Ziggy Spirits that's a fake right that's uh that's a fake beard that's Sensational yeah that's a good job that's one of my wife's photographs by the way is that yeah that's one of the videos shots she's very good she's very good indeed yeah okay now that's from a film that's yet to be released that's from a film be out in the fall called The Awakening I can't I can't tell again there you go I know I'm gonna guess when did you make this picture real wouldn't you make the picture well last summer then you didn't have this last summer because I I've seen you last summer yeah but see the vote was real and that's they guessed reality beard the only reason I would have known because at that time now in Moses here you are as Moses yeah you know they had this on there yeah you were wonderful in that part you really were in The Ten Commandments here now that again I would assume would have to be a student [Music] [Applause] actually I wore nine different beards in that uh because you made all the way through the picture first one was my own it was just a stubble right brick pits and then when I was throwing the tablets around why uh it's it's uh nine different beards and yeah got into false noses and false eye bags and all kinds of stuff are they a real nuisance in a picture I remember only once in a play I had to wear a little mustache and I had to put it on with spirit gum every night spirit gum when I was studying makeup at Northwestern I thought the smell of spirit gum you know it's some kind of adhesive dissolved in ether it was the most exciting smell in the world now I've used up about five gallons of it and I want to tell you you sit up in the snow in the Grand Tetons at five o'clock in the morning and the makeup man comes he says okay all right yeah yeah but you don't run through so much of it when you're a young actor is there any greater thrill the first time you appear in a play even if it's an amateur in school where they go in and put the makeup on and even in those days I remember in the school play they would dab on a little lipstick and they may put a little color in their hair to make if you're playing an older part and by God you really thought I'm trying to fool the audience you're somebody else right but fake beards can get to be oh that's why if I have time to grow my own beard uh unfortunately it takes me about seven weeks or guys grow faster beards than I do how about that that's got to be that's yours now yes that's yours that's right that was for Michelangelo on The Agony and the Ecstasy you were Sensational in that picture too and they played that again uh just I had a fake nose in that Michelangelo's nose was more broken than mine you can't quite see it in that shot but uh they put a little plastic noodle in my nose so it kind of went over like this and it's got to be uncomfortable how about when you have a leading ladies and you have the Romantic scenes with the with the the scraggly mustache and beards is that a little bit well if they're paste on beards you've got to play those scenes very carefully if they're real beards I think uh I think ladies like them it helps when I've grown my own beards I know my wife likes it my daughter likes it and that's my uh firm barometer yeah I have a theory about beards I think uh if you stop to think of it uh growing a beard is one of the few things men can do that women don't want to do right [Music] [Applause] you fished in that it's it's our last Retreat that's it no I know a girl wants the service at once as a long ago and it's really not important anyway when you go out in location you travel a great deal there's a lady go with you your wife go with you yeah especially uh as a photographer she uh finds it a stimulating way to find things to shoot although she she sometimes as on the mountain men did some of the Stills for the pictures but she's really more interested in photographing uh what she finds behind the cameras pointing the other direction right and of course is she not having a show somewhere or yes indeed she is uh I don't have anything opening for a couple of months and we'll be back to talk about that I hope that anytime but uh Lydia has another photo exhibit opening uh Sunday right at the greenhouse which is across from the county Art Museum and the opening day we're gonna have a brunch for the benefit of the retinitis Pigmentosa foundation and all the proceeds from the pictures she sells she's going to give to them which I think is nice is that something she did before when you were going and was an actress did several films and a number of plays actually succeeded start on Broadway before I did uh but after our son was born why she became less interested in acting and what then was a hobby photography now has become a full-fledged career and she's had exhibitions all over and uh it's it's gotten to be a very exciting thing and I'm very proud of her she's a she's a classy lady in a gifted photographer that's great we've talked about this before because everybody who sees Hollywood Stars celebrities assume that I don't know why they assume but always sometimes think that they've always lived in a certain style but I think we talked about when you first started you live in a little what a one-room cold water flat like water flies outnumbered by about 5 000 cockroaches in Hell's Kitchen in New York and Lydia was supporting me then and by modeling and then uh actually I had a brief career as a model I was a nude model at the art students league in the uh the life Studies classes no we never talked about that we never talked about that is it okay sure that's right well actually at the time you got a dollar fifty an hour uh and you got a a coffee and tea break every 50 minutes right and so the cookies uh they gave you cookies too right and that counted in those days and actually I say nude model then uh there was discrimination the women modeled knew the men you got to wear little Jack straps and Lydia made me a little velor jockstrap it was kind of cute I wish I still had it I could have competed with yours when you uh I've asked a lot of actors this now I get very often the same reaction I'm going to guess what yours is going to be and I'll leave it I'll even pre-gas so when you see something that you've done before do you have ambivalent feelings you said I wish I could do this again I would like to do this in a different way certain scenes will please you but generally most actors if they're creative at all and the real professionals always look at something and I never made a movie or done a play it's easier to tell with a movie because you can see it afterwards the player right in the middle of it never done a film that I was completely happy with I've never done a one I wouldn't like to do all over because I could do it better and I think that as you say that's okay that's what it's supposed to be it's supposed to please an audience not the people who make it you're supposed to run people say wasn't it fun working with wilder no it wasn't fun working with Weiler he was very tough to work with uh and you're doing something I I know you well enough to know you have this attitude towards what you do you're never completely satisfied I don't think so but on the other foreign [Music] foreign foreign [Music] [Applause] foreign [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] foreign [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] foreign [Music] foreign [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] thank you [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] foreign [Music] foreign [Music] foreign [Music] thank you foreign foreign [Music] [Applause] [Music] foreign [Applause] [Music] foreign [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] thank you [Music] [Applause] thank you foreign [Music] [Music] [Music] foreign foreign [Music] [Music] thank you [Music] foreign [Music] foreign [Music] foreign foreign hit that foreign foreign you know because I was there yeah but then same thing tonight he died would you uh Supply okay you know thank you foreign [Music] foreign [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] foreign [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] [Music] thank you foreign [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] foreign [Music] thank you [Music] foreign [Music] foreign foreign foreign [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] foreign [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] foreign [Music] [Applause] [Music] thank you [Music] [Applause] [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] foreign [Music] foreign [Music] thank you foreign [Music] foreign [Music] foreign foreign foreign [Music] [Applause] [Music] foreign [Applause] [Music] [Applause] foreign [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] foreign [Music] [Applause] foreign [Music] [Music] [Music] thank you [Music] foreign [Music] foreign [Music] thank you foreign [Music] foreign [Music]

Channel: Carson Tonight Show

Views: 47,960

Keywords: Carson Tonight Show, Carson Tonight, Tonight Show, Johnny Carson

Id: rX1Z2CJMc4Q

Length: 162min 18sec (9738 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 11 2023