Taika Waititi reads a hilarious letter about a speeding ticket

foreign reading great um for your listening pleasure I'm going to do everything the New Zealand accent 27th of January 2004. addressed to New Zealand Police infringement Bureau PO Box 9147 Wellington for future reference good morning yesterday I was presented with the above infringement notice copy attached for your records while returning home from the parachute music festival at mystery creek near Hamilton over the long Auckland anniversary weekend I had a most excellent weekend but that is not why I'm writing to you at this time unfortunately there are a couple of irregularities with the infringement notice that are causing me some consternation and hopefully you can clear them up or preferably forget about the whole thing entirely firstly the date of offense is listed as the 23rd of June 1974. with the time being at or around half past six in the evening this is of grave concern to me because I was not issued a driver's license until sometime in 1990. and I have no desire to be charged with driving while not legally licensed I do not have a clear recollection of very much at all before I was three and a half years old so I rang mum I rang mum to see if she remembered what I was doing that day she said that coincidentally I was born that day I know mom mentioned that I was born at around five o'clock in the evening on that day in porirua which is not far from Wellington she also said poriru was a bustling suburb of low income people young who are trying to get ahead back in the 70s people were coming to terms with oil shocks High inflation and wage freezes but that's not important right now for me to have traveled from porirua to the foot of the Bombay Hills just out of Auckland by 6 30. I would have had to have crawled into the first car in the hospital parking lot and headed for Auckland at around 1 000 kilometers an hour for this reason it is entirely possible that the Constable who clocked me back in 1974. was holding his laser equipment upside down and instead of doing 116 kilometers an hour as per the infringement noticed it is more likely that I was doing 911 kilometers an hour this is where it starts to get really strange the car that I must have crawled into had the same license plate as the one I have now aeh924 according to the infringement notice however my car is a dark gray Nissan Bluebird Triple S with dual cup holders 1800 cc's of grunt air conditioning and electric windows you will notice that a time travel option is not included on this model so that rules out any Back to the Future issues and the car I was driving back then could not have been the one I drive today this is clarified by the infringement notice which states that the vehicle was a Honda Saloon how this relates to my Nissan Bluebird I cannot fathom I can only hypothesize that back in 1974 the first range of prototype Hondas had an automated number plate changing mechanism like on The A-Team which were used to avoid parking tickets and facilitate safer getaways from burglaries armed hold ups and the like so to recap it appears that on my birthday on June 23 1974 I crawled out of the maternity ward hijacked a seriously high-powered Honda Saloon with an automated number plate changing mechanism drove to Auckland at close to Mach 1 was pulled over approaching the Bombay Hills and unwittingly changed the automated number plate changing mechanism to show the same number as a car I would own almost 30 years later the chance of selecting the same number plate is a mere 1 in 308 million nine hundred and fifteen thousand seven hundred and seventy six so quite conceivable I am currently residing at the address listed at the top of this letter I expect you will want to apprehend me fairly shortly now that we've established that I may have committed the following offenses Grand Theft Auto I probably stole the Honda as my parents drove a white Ford Cortina at the stage driving without a license driving at a Ludicrous Speed using a motor vehicle evading the law using an automated number plate changing mechanism if you could provide a clearer indication as to why the date of offense is the same as my birthday and why the vehicle make and type Bears no resemblance to the number plate listed on the infringement notice it would be appreciated mind you I wouldn't be too disappointed if we agreed to let this one go [Applause] I could really use the 120 dollars as I'm lowering my understand installing excessively noisy wastegate boring it out for better performance in the street drags down to irangi drive and around Weymouth thank you for considering my submission I look forward to hearing from you regards Justin Lee [Applause]

Channel: Letters Live

Views: 2,382,958

Keywords:

Id: yRUtyCzfuI0

Length: 7min 28sec (448 seconds)

Published: Fri Oct 21 2022