The TERRIBLE Shark Tale...

oh Shark Tale what kind of fever dream is Shark Tale I saw it as a kid multiple times it was during that phase I had at age seven in 2004 where I would just pop on a VHS and went to sleep to the sound of it and so I've memorized the sound of this movie but also one really properly know this movie let's find out it's the terrible Shark Tale and we begin with this just disgustingly textured worm is this seriously 2004 they were trying to do something cool here the worm coming from the fishing hook or the DreamWorks logo but it just makes everything needlessly confusing and after said disturbing worm is established God why does it express like that why does it have teeth we come to meet our first shark characters hi I'm Lenny you know how in the Mario movie we hate everything about actors becoming voice actors who play themselves but we Unconditionally Love Jack Black oh it's the same here because that's Jack Black actually performing as a character mwah and naturally he's not a very good shark Lenny what are you doing but now that we've established a pretty simplistic character trade and can see where this is going time for the Sharks to exit it's our theme song what have these sharks seen Jaws is this not a copyright infringement what is this self-referential pop culture humor strapping folks because this style of humor is 80 of the foundation of this movie as our Jewels theme cover transitions us over to the South Side Reef fan it is Hell Coral Cola gup fish King bloody fish King thanks I hate it but with the sharks now gone the coast is clear for the city I'm Katie current keeping it current huh that was that was humor the sharks are gone and so the city now comes to life with a Non-Stop barrage of pretty shallowly written fish puns that's all it is fish buns everywhere helicopter fish living with 108 kids taxi fish or how's about the celebrity see that may makes no sense [Music] what is happening you and why and one real seal look like made in 2004 how does everything look so gross in this movie who molded these faces is muscle Crowe an actor muscle or is he the starfish I always remembered this movie to be a bit of a fever dream but I just pinned that down to me not properly perceiving it right as I lulled into the subconscious plane but no it's just kind of throwing junk at you at every moment here's a prawn shop get it I worked eight years on that it's all right muscle Crow is that what he looks like in this world why is this scene even here lobsters are trains I couldn't even tell you what the pun is there if there is one it's gonna be all right oh no I like this joke I'm being corrupted already someone help me and so after that agonizing reveal of the kind of world we're living in for the next 90 minutes it's time to finally establish our hero of the story hi I'm Oscar it's Will Smith in one of his most disturbing forms yet I don't know exactly what was going on over at Dreamworks Studios I certainly don't envy the task of trying to personify fish although there was totally a Pixar formula they could have followed her a more amicable effect but this is just not it why are there is just fins what's with the overly expressive eyebrow muscles and those mouths look at everybody's mouths why did you make this DreamWorks why fish aren't meant to be vertical and so Will Smith goes on to cringe off all throughout the scene as he Rambles on like a Zelda CDI character about how great it is to live the life of bling bling luxury oh God I hate what this movie is doing to me oh shorty I'm messing with my fantasy it's just a level one GTA character honestly Grand fish Auto might have been a more interesting pitch to see play out but after a stupid scene with this crab and a needless scene with some dripped out kids I Hate My Life Will Smith moves on to his workplace the whale Wash that's a bit on the nose couldn't have been phrased like carp wash or something but yes it's where full-on whales come in to be cleaned it's this grimy reality has everyone covered in Greece green algae and graffiti apparently which brings up a point why is this movie so intentionally dingy look at Finding Nemo it's elegant smooth and beautifully blue here even in the formal work environment all the textures are scratchy and scuffed the coffee machine is dirtied from water damage I'm not even going to address why the fish has a coffee machine underwater but it just adds to make the whole scene so unappealing to look at never mind the god-awful character design planted within I'm already punched in G this is Angie as the sweet name implies she's the sweet and innocent girl who'll be doting over Oscar despite very few positive character traits throughout the run time of this movie and he needs to get a freak on would you hold for one moment please thanks dog I hate this guy yes the plot line of this movie will be the one where you're never really rooting for the good guy as he's just making all the wrong moves initiating the main conflict and then is admired for fixing his own problem for once great oh I almost forgot I brought you some breakfast oh it's Kelpie cream you know ironically Oscar should be shipping con royalties for all these product placements anyway now we come to the sharks of our story living The Godfather life in a sunken Titanic why is this a Godfather movie as we meet Don Lino voiced by Robert De Niro because of course he is addressing one of his connections and Oscar's boss Sykes voiced by Martin Scorsese because of course wait what the director Mr Marvel reviewer himself how on after they rope him into this anyway the Don declares that today his two sons will run the reef and Sykes reports to them now you know functional and dysfunctional from before Sykes disagrees but Lenny you can't be serious I'm that serious and then the dawn fires him haha get it cause they're on the Titanic also they try this little delivery gag and I can see what they're going for but boy it just makes Sykes seem unbearably irritating them you're the best am I right Am I Wrong am I right prepared sorry yeah it's all right and so we're back to Oscar as he actually does a day's work it can be a lot worse you know I could have this job and look like you you know it's often a formula that to get audiences on your side the hero character usually does some good deed at the start of the movie so everyone recognizes that they're a good person but this banter is not helping Oscar's case and no the Kelpie cream gift does not count oh there it is he saves headphone guy mid sneeze remember him hey headphone guys and then when it's a non-issue goes on to cause a soapy meltdown on the whale client but it's okay he sorted out again what a day at work what'd you say ass uh okay fellas this is another one of those sounds burned into my long-term memory and I can't format it out anyway the reason these jellyfish brothers are here is because the plot needs to move forward and Oscar is back into his boss Sykes oh hey don't swear this Sykes a lot of Whitefish can't do it what I'm not gonna go there nothing in this world makes sense anyway with this whole shark thing going on Sykes needs to pay the dawn so Oscar's 5000 G depth needs to be paid in 24 hours you've got 24 hours you've got 24 hours you know how this goes and so Oscar dreams of living life on the top and Angie just throws away her grandma sentimentally hand down Pearl that's worth exactly five grand to a guy she just has a crush on and that clears out that conflict the Sharks don't issues though Lenny not eating meat you'd think this would have been cleared years ago but apparently not so now Oscar has liquidated the Pearl into wealth and he now goes on to gamble it all away I hate this little filler and gutting for a million Clan reward look who pops up [Music] problematic Lola you can pass her entire personality trait story and intention with a single frame Oscar is head over heels and then she's away again interested before any money's even won that's bold I've got the money to pay me back and you bet it anyway hold up give me that and then the seahorse loses because of course it does we have now consistently seen every wrong immoral move this Oscar guy can possibly make all because he is obsessed with greed and the goal of living the High Life sorry kid wait so all whales are cars and their mouths act as the boot and I'm glad it's not the alternative but what and so naturally we're given the it's nothing personal it's just business line as Oscar is soon to be tortured and killed the end and as he does become a member if you'd like to see some Early Access and behind the scenes to what I do or to subscribe if I'm new to you this is where we're currently at after all as for our shark Brothers they're out again as Lenny has to prove himself in one last attempt deadhead You See It TV dinner don't get so easier than this and so Lenny is forced to go on ahead you can probably tell where this is going and when I turn around you take off oh no what did I tell you Oscar has just as many brain cells in his skull as he has morals just not really there but being spotted finally causes Frankie here to snap that's it I've had it up thing here the music is building Oscar is disadvantaged in seaweed it's time for an action scene being chased by a shark classic never mind literally immediately we're swooped into a deus ex machina of a random anchor from the sky no this never gets addressed they never even look up and just like that Oscar's problems have all faded away again the man who probably deserves it the least in this city I'm crazy and he's stupid annoying too but with this new opportunity opening up to him Oscar goes ahead and takes credit for being a shark slayer because that could never possibly be a poor decision to make when you live in a city that literally closes down regularly due to the presence of any sharks there's any shark [Applause] [Music] why would you broadcast this onto the TV I hate this plot line and naturally Lola pops up once again the town is relieved to finally have something for their shark problem and Sykes even makes a deal to drop the 5000 G's to become business partners as the shark slayer you'll never guess where this goes meanwhile the sharks are having their funeral remember they were in the sun Titanic well they're not letting that gag down it's on the deck of the whole ship and all and the dawn is left grieving as two lost Sons what's wrong with that kid why's you gotta be so different you know there's a bit of an undertone with Lenny that could easily Dina's really Progressive and ahead of its time but I don't smart enough to formulate that sure you could read into this as an expression of being secretly gay and unapproved of all trans or something like that but I think this is just a more generic stroke of other rhythms that Lenny has going on the classic kids movie moral that you should just be yourself he's Giddy and childish and at most just not masculine it's a movie about masculinity but hey if this movie did somehow influence for a little bit of self-confidence in some kid after seeing Lenny great I think it was a happy accident amongst the rest of this rubbish anyway at this point the dawn learned of the shark slayer Ira go over here sorry shark s shark player oh my God this movie will just not give me a break just barrage after barrage of crass in your face pop culture it's like it's trying to cover up for the lack of substance throughout the movie but it's everything Oscar could have ever wanted and now he's at the top it's time for a chat with Angie now I don't forget anything and I never forget who my friends are oh he's able to run to the Romantic subtext instead just returning Angie's sentimental Pearl with interest run Angie run this is the best case scenario only of course for our other romantic interests to pop up now I'm not interrupting something am I no and Oscar Darts Away from there his desires warped alongside his wealth but this isn't really a change from how he was at the beginning let's be honest thankfully karma is out to get him since after barely five seconds away from a character with a very very little depth for us to explore someone crashes in with though in any other context can't they all just stay in place since they're already hidden indoors regardless Oscar is of course thrusted out to face his own lie oh God I hate this character and so here are the great whites that were mentioned just searching for the missing Lenny and here he is just lingering over Oscar immediately but finally the two meet and chat properly Lenny distraught over his losses and Oscar relieves that Lenny is the threat even though he's not but they don't come back don't mean like take me home with you I'm like the invisible shock Lenny feels trapped in a corner and just wants to hide from his family and after Oscar shoes away these Rebel kids Lenny learns what the shark slayer title you'll decide him of course is hilarious you're enjoying yourself for your information see I bet Jack Black just did that in the studio one day and they decided to just animate it proper I actually audibly laughed at this laugh anyway after a mild case of blackmail from Lenny you wouldn't I would Lenny has given refuge in South Side reef and Oscar uses this to put down some ground rules in case you haven't noticed I'm different from the other sharks let's put it that way leave it at that and that solves that Lenny has no plans to eat any other fish and we're not going to get around to any other ground rules because that's all that matters I'm sure he's not stupid enough to just Waltz out of here in the middle of the day right Chief pop knew that he'd ice you for sure was he The Godfather or something yeah I like the delivery and now all the pieces of our story have finally come together as Oscar knows just what he's gotten himself involved in back at the party now and there's immediately a video game about Oscar fighting sharks what is the timeline of events here and Sykes is immediately in a call with Don Lino ready for Oscar to answer him my guys are coming for you shock Slayer they're gonna tear you Finn from Finn and naturally no one is actually listening to Oscar as he tries to plead his case and backtrack out of his own consequences this movie is just filled with irritating characters and frustrating miscommunications all in the way of keeping the plot going forwards or it's emblematic of a society that cares very little for the plights of a small fry individual against the Brazilian fast capitalist environment of the new century motivated only for oneself and crushing the will of men who do the work over the communal benefits of a society that works to further maintain the unsustainable status quo of this broken system it's probably not though this movie not smart maybe I can help and so gold digger Lola pops up again what could Our advice possibly be about helping Oscar get out of this lethal situation for himself you have worked your way to the top you don't want to go back to the bottom do you it's the same advice as everybody else keep going show the Sharks who's boss and they'll leave you alone okay so Oscar goes over to Lenny hello Oscar okay so I see why the plot might want to go in this Direction but how would she find out plausibly why is she going into a random garage isn't she the receptionist over at the whale Wash they don't add any kind of explanation as to why she is here or how she caught Lenny just the your pet shark here told me everything so I guess we're just gonna accept that stitchy storytelling impressive for a film that's just 90 minutes long anyway Angie is furious that Oscar lied to her don't take it personally come on I lied to everybody and she too is more pro-shark against Oscar's issues as she's finally got the base point that I mean what'd you expect you just take credit for killing a shark and then everything be fine and dandy for the rest of your life but after Oscar makes another poor choice in having Lenny play the part of playing near dead and bolstering up Oscar's physique to intimidate the Sharks Lenny eventually turns around with a real plan to go forward with as after all there's a unique way to tackle both of their issues at once Lenny needs to disappear and Oscar needs to be a shark Slayer and so begins our faux action sequence as the two fight right out in public why is there a Jaws billboard 2 now haven't we had enough over references and though Lenny is having very brief doubts because this movie needs to hit a runtime quota Oscar encourages him with you sell this you'll never have to go home again you can start a new life Connie always do that just pick a direction and travel for the rest of time whatever and they resume time for the big turn around and [Music] hello does this movie not want to make something original is being crashed the point this is an embarrassingly low bar for writing standards and so the music cranks back in this time it's Elvis as they show off all sorts of new moves against Lenny until the final move the flying fish to me full spectacle is the other crowd of sharks Witnesses and ending with a final audio Screech on the bottom a nice piece of spectacle for the finale and you tell Don and you ruined it Oscar you ruined it but somehow the intimidation works on a group of hardened mobsters and we move on from there the town cheers for Oscar's success and after finally making a good move it's immediately overshadowed by hey love has the Reef's most eligible bachelor been snapped up and so naturally Angie has peeved once again an Oscar is completely oblivious at every step Oscar makes a decent move that someone else dictated he then takes several steps backwards sometimes I want to take your big dumb dummy head and just right and as the two argue when we all look at our watch and realize there's about 20 minutes of the film left in this movie we finally come around to the big twisty romantic beats for nobody nobody loved me when I was nobody I did what a tail Shark Tale it'll be okay uh they're not putting romantic subjects there are they because that would be a whole different movie of breaking the boundaries of a shark and so Oscar has reached his bad act wandering through the reef at night with yet another lyrical song to appease the plot together as he Witnesses add after ad with himself plastered up front this I assume is what life would be like in the metaverse and as Oscar finally returns to his Penthouse apartment Oscar finally speaks and he was right I am a joke and of course Lola is here for a Chad instead happy to shoot down Angie's existence and turn to Oscar with it's not like you feel the same way about her uh Oscar what are you doing is that meant to be an expression this is how you want to demonstrate the internal realization that you do in fact have feelings for Angie I mean this could almost be seen as sweet if we haven't watched the entire rest of this movie and we were blind right now and so Will Smith does a 180. you know what I don't think this is going to work out [Music] now Oscar happy he got chocolates it's daytime the whale Wash life is Jolly and Angie is missing yep Andy's been kidnapped and Oscar needs to go and save her and as Letty Rambles about how improbable it is Sykes here learns of all that's been going on because all suddenly he has gone out of the window but hey at least he did one thing right this is a joke because you know I told Lino shut up Lino shut up I honestly thought this was an edit made for the meme but apparently not what a diamond in the rough of the rest of this runtime so with Sykes realizing he'll probably be dead soon too after Oscar he begs for the shark slayer to be real to which Will Smith says I'm sorry Sykes I'm not but the Sharks don't know that the solution to all of our problems is to just keep digging yourself deeper double down on the LIE every time so here's the meeting with the entire mob and though the grunts are scared the big boss man isn't and which one of you sardines call this meeting that would be me and the dawn's a pretty stoic guy just dealing with the loss of his two sons that'd be pretty horrible you know so he reveals Angie on a plate and after Oscar's pretty immoral Bluff I barely even know that girl what's your name miss another to add to his collection of course our twist villain pops up with oh yeah well I say he's bluffing Lola turns out her motivations his whole time were to get him killed I think does that explain her behavior just a shame everyone else had the same idea this whole movie so her opinion's kind of liquidate into everyone else's as Oscar was pushed down a single unchangeable track [Laughter] bring him back to his family again why didn't he leave off of the whole faking his death thing again and right after pulling the intimidation card once again all the grunts look pretty spooked and Oscar then goes on again to take things too far as if we're not already there already what is with are y'all living in The Love Boat Oscar except that they're into an immediate immediate Chomp of death being so up close no instead the Don is just sitting and watching after literally last saying your shark slain Days Are Over no instead what it takes is Lenny here throwing up and then he just has about it what why this is the worst Stitch shop for a plotline I think I have ever seen me I couldn't take it the taste was killing me Lenny and so the Don is happy to just see his son alive again what are you wearing huh what is that and again you can kind of see some undertones you can extrapolate with this whole cross-dressing sequence but the Don doesn't Linger on it either more upset about the shark slayer front and to be honest you kind of see his point what did I ever do to you you took Frankie away and you turned Lenny into a dolphin how is the Godfather shark the most normal person in this movie what is this movie I'm gonna get you and so it's time for our action sequence against the dot never mind he's stuck in the window thanks movie time for our final scene of the movie is that Don eventually frees himself and they head for the whale Wash of course one big machine to capture the giant great whites the sharks of course swimming right through the center as Oscar goes up to the controls Lenny what are you doing in there sorry and so the movie tries to keep you entertained as Oscar keeps running forwards and backwards through the same line of this machine it's not really an attempt at all really until eventually [Music] it's over that was supposed to be entertaining thank you for coming to whale watch and headphone guy is now unafraid of sharks okay so Oscar has successfully stopped the Dom doomed to a life of forever Running From the Mob as they come for revenge for the rest of his life or it would be if not for I am not a real shark slayer and so Oscar finally reveals that he lied about everything and that makes everything okay and furthermore he goes straight up to the Dawn and says who cares if your son is different so he likes to dress like a dolphin so what a nice message and so the Don just accepts it forget even the cross-dressing front but the idea that The Godfather will just stop the notion of making his son one of the mob because he was just asked nicely by some fish that's just so illogical you can't just ask the Godfather to stop he's only got one son in his lineage but he does and it works and with Will Smith finally doing one thing right Angie forgives him for everything everything I wanted right there in front of me the whole time okay yeah and we end in classic DreamWorks fashion with a city-sized dance party it's stupid it doesn't make sense Oscar somehow also becomes the boss at work somehow and it's just what am I looking at why is this happening what was this movie and is it just a Finding Nemo rip-off did the director just really want to make a greeny brown movie was I ever supposed to like the protagonist in this movie which way are the leg fins meant to be on their bodies what was it even about oh my God this movie was about the Outlets of toxic masculinity within our 2004 Society we already addressed the unmasculine traits of a non-threatening and vegetarian Lenny but look at Oscar he represents the breadwinner archetype of masculinity his value is defined by success and whether he is a somebody or a nobody he strives to get ahead in this ad-filled super capitalist Society in any way he can and he does so not by Suffering The Grind of obtaining success but by trying to scum his way to the top as it's the only feasible matter for a working-class individual man as disadvantaged as him and the whole statement of the movie is to just reject the established understandings of masculinity you don't have to be manly to be respected as a male and you don't need to be on top of the world to have values as a breadwinner man as much as a society may push you down to assume so you're not a nobody without possessions as you will always find someone who sees you as a somebody regardless rebel against the toxic Notions of enforced masculinity be it from your peers or from society as a whole no you know what never mind I think this was just a big animation test that they forgot to throw out after initial screenings ninety percent of jokes flopped the writing is awful the visuals are sickening and the references are Shameless we love Jack Black though this was just a cataclysmic disaster of a movie and I will never get it out of my head thanks tired VHS watching me that was the terrible Shark Tale my name's been Daz you didn't really care and I'll see you in a bit

Channel: DazzReviews

Views: 197,666

Keywords: dazz, reviews, dazzreviews, shark tale, dreamworks, jack black, will smith, terrible, terrible movie, terrible series, the terrible shark tale, terrible shark tale, dreamworks shark tale

Id: Lag2u3U3bY4

Length: 27min 27sec (1647 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 19 2022