THE SUBTLE ART OF NOT GIVING A F*** by Mark Manson | Core Message

[Music] i recently read the subtle art of not giving a by mark manson our culture subtly implies that we should not have problems advertisers tell us about the problem free life that awaits us if we buy their product social media feeds display an infinite stream of happy people living what appears to be problem free lives if we're struggling with a problem it's hard not to feel insecure and the more insecure we feel the worse we feel about our problems leading to more insecurity author mark manson calls this the feedback loop from hell but this feedback loop from hell is fueled by a lie since the only people living problem-free lives are dead problems never go away they're just replaced by other problems when you think you've solved your house problem by buying a new house you now have the problem of keeping it clean and maintaining the yard so your neighbors don't give you nasty looks when you think you've solved your loneliness problem by finding someone special you then have the problem of coming up with creative date ideas and preparing meals your partner won't hate author mark manson says when you solve your health problem by buying a gym membership you create new problems like having to get up early to get to the gym on time sweating like a meth head for 30 minutes on an elliptical and then getting showered and changed for work so you don't stink up the whole office since our problems never go away the key to living a good life is to get good at solving problems so you exchange your problems for better problems the path to experiencing better problems starts by subtly not giving a [ __ ] in two ways first subtly stop giving a [ __ ] who's to blame for your problems and take responsibility for them mark manson says if you woke up one day and there was a newborn baby on your doorstep it would not be your fault that the baby had been put there but that baby would now be your responsibility you would have to choose what to do and whatever you ended up choosing keep it give it away or drop everything you're doing and find its mother there would be problems associated with your choice and you would be responsible for those as well if you fail to take responsibility for your problems you will spend all your energy complaining about how unfair your situation is and get angry at those who caused your problems but that doesn't get you any closer to solving your current problems so that you can experience better problems if you're busy focusing on who to blame you're stuck in the past the problems already happen you need to deal with it the very moment you stop looking for someone to blame and take full responsibility for your problems you will feel empowered to do something about them because taking responsibility is saying to yourself if i'm not in a better place a month from now it's my fault i'm responsible for what happens from this moment forward in the marvel comics spider-man's uncle said with great power comes great responsibility but madsen tweaks that quote a bit and provides a more insightful quote with great responsibility comes great power in 1872 william james's life was falling apart at age 30 james was unemployed his father was ashamed of him and he suffered constant back spasms james considered taking his life but late one night after reading lectures by the philosopher charles pierce james decided to conduct an experiment for one year he would take 100 responsibility for everything wrong in his life if his life wasn't better in 12 months he would admit defeat and take his life but thankfully the experiment worked and james would later call the start of that experiment his rebirth james went on to become the most influential psychologist of all time his decision to take responsibility for his problems allowed him to direct all his energy to improving his life which in turn improved the lives of millions of people when you take responsibility for your problems you take responsibility for how your problems make you feel if someone steals your car the level of rage or calm you experience afterward is completely up to you you can choose how you respond to every problem one way to have a more thoughtful response to your problems is to gain distance from them by thinking how will i feel about this problem 10 years from now when you perform that mental time travel and gain distance from your problem the problem loses power over you which allows you to think more strategically after taking full responsibility for your problems you must subtly stop giving off how painful your problems are and lean into them manson says your success in life is determined by how you answer the question what pain can i sustain he goes on to say that people who enjoy the struggles of a gym are the ones who run triathlons and have chiseled abs and can bench press a small house people who enjoy long work weeks and the politics of the corporate ladder are the ones who fly to the top of it people who enjoy the stresses and uncertainties of the starving artist lifestyle are ultimately the ones who live it and make it the subtlety in subtly not giving a [ __ ] about how painful your problems are is knowing what painful problems you should lean into and what painful problems you should avoid to know which pain you should lean into you need to know your values all emotional and psychological pain results from a value being violated if seeing your child struggling to read is painful it's because you value your child's happiness and you value education if seeing your neighbor drive a tesla makes you angry because their tesla is a nicer car than yours you value material success and are measuring your worth accordingly you could endure 100 hour work weeks to get a nicer car but you have to ask yourself is it really worth it you get to decide which values are worth fighting for and which are not whenever you're struggling with a problem ask yourself what is the underlying value that is causing my pain then determine if that value is worth fighting for by taking that value for a test drive and imagine making your life all about that value to the exclusion of others if you made your life all about material success would that be a life you'd be proud of only you can answer that question based on your unique set of values the goal for everyone is to be aware of bad outdated values that you are needlessly suffering to uphold and replace them with more meaningful values values you are willing to suffer for life is full of suffering but your suffering will be meaningful if you choose values that are worth suffering for in the end subtly stop giving a [ __ ] if you have problems everyone has problems the path to a fulfilling life is paved by embracing problems and solving those problems so that you can move on to have more meaningful problems start solving your problems by suddenly not giving a [ __ ] who's to blame for your problems if a problem is affecting you take responsibility for it because with great responsibility comes great power then subtly stop giving how painful your problem is if and only if that problem stems from a value you want to uphold but if a problem is fueled by an outdated superficial value then it's not worth your time you only have so many facts to give in life you must use them wisely that was the core message that i gathered from the subtle art of not giving by mark manson this is a highly entertaining read filled with age-old wisdom i highly recommend it if you would like a one-page pdf summary of insights that i gathered from this book just click the link below and i'd be happy to email it to you if you already subscribed to the free productivity game email newsletter this pdf is sitting in your inbox if you like this video please share it and as always thanks for watching and have yourself a productive week

Channel: Productivity Game

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Id: QPW4rqKkekA

Length: 7min 57sec (477 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 07 2020