The Secret of Building a Lasting Marriage | The MarriageToday Podcast | Jimmy & Karen Evans

this episode today was sponsored by medishare we are so excited to team up with metashare they are the leader in christian healthcare sharing health insurance prices keep going up year after year and it can put some real financial pressure and stress on your marriage 66 percent of americans across all income levels say that health insurance is a significant financial stressor this is where medishare comes in medishare is an affordable christian alternative to health insurance that can save your family hundreds of dollars every single month the typical family saves 500 or more per month when switching from traditional insurance i know this will be a huge blessing for a lot of you medishare has been providing an innovative healthcare solution to christians for almost 30 years with medishare members share in each other's medical bills and even pray for one another plus every member has unlimited access to free telehealth and free virtual counseling sessions start saving hundreds of dollars per month go right now to medishare.com forward slash marriage that's m-e-d-i-s-h-a-r-e dot com slash marriage it literally takes two minutes to see how much you could save and you can switch it anytime during the year again that's medishare.com forward slash marriage welcome to the marriage today podcast i'm karen evans and this is my husband jimmy we have a great teaching coming up we've got some questions here from viewers before we go to the teaching we're talking about three unchangeable realities of marriage that every married couple needs to understand that's the teaching coming up here in just a few minutes but karen let me read you this question first of all from one of our viewers what do you do when your spouse does not work on the habits they know they need to change to better the marriage i want to encourage him to change without nagging or seeming disrespectful but i'm so ready to be out of this cycle i'm feeling defeated and that things will never change yeah that's a good question too um i think that my first thought is you know one of the things that you and i have practiced doing is you know asking each other you know how are we doing you know is there anything i can do to improve and so instead of looking at him not doing maybe ask him is there something that she needs to do and you know the way i see it is it's an act of humility goes a long way and you know if we're humble in our relationship with each other and we you know say you know hey you know i know i can be irritable sometimes i know i can be frustrated and you know please forgive me if i've been that way but i would just like to you know if there's something i can do to help this relationship improve i'd like for us to talk about it you know and maybe just go back and forth with the communication like that because i think if if it's that bad though that they do need counseling yeah and you know you say this karen all the time when i was at my worst early in our marriage you went before the lord and you said lord change me and when you began to change because i had talked about bad habits nothing that you could have said would have gotten through to me okay but when you began to change and you began to soften when you attacked me early in our marriage you get mad at me and you'd you know say things to me it just made me worse but when you began to change and soften you talked about acts of being active humility that's that's when i began to notice not just that you were changing but that i was doing things i needed to change so i think praying and allowing god to change you and always being honest and just saying honey i wish you didn't do this this this and you know whatever but once you have said it four or five or eight times and they're still not changing you need to change your i think sometimes just make a commitment to sit down and listen to good teaching you know absolutely our website's full of material that they can sit together listen to some good teaching and then just talk about it how can we implement these teachings into our marriage we have hundreds of marriage teachings on exo now for myself david ashley willis many many different people nine dollars a month you invest in your marriage you have a date night every week sit down and listen to a marriage teaching exactly right read a book together just get a book on marriage and read it together it will transform your relationship uh i think you have a question i do my husband and i have been dealing with infertility for the past four years we have a good marriage but the passion we had for one another at the beginning of a marriage has taken a hit what advice do you have for us infertility is so difficult both of our kids dealt with this trying several years to have uh babies and sex can become more of a mechanical uh act than it is a loving act and and i think that first of all it's it's typical that what you're going through is typical but the putting your marriage first means you want children you're going to work to have children go get medical help do whatever you need to do to have children prayer all those things that are very important but your relationship is the most important thing and what it means is you don't blame each other uh and there's no sense that if we don't have children that we're this is the wrong marriage this is the wrong relationship okay it's we love each other and when we're having sex it's an act of love and we're believing god that a child will be the product of this and so our daughter went three or four years our son they went three or four years uh waiting for the second for waiting for the first child and then the second child for our son but they worked but they were born and they they went got medical help but they also got prayer and they both and now we have five grandchildren healthy happy grandchildren and those days of infertility are back in the past but they both went through those same kinds of issues you go through it together and you need to be in church you need to have good christian friends around you both with our son and our daughter they had someone praying with him and encouraging them and saying i really believe the lord said you're going to have a child and blah blah blah tremendously encouraging for them to go through that i agree it's good okay so we're going to go to this teaching now talking about three unchangeable realities of marriage that everybody needs to understand to be able to really to to go through the things we go through in marriage and keep our hope alive and keep our marriage alive if you haven't subscribed to our channel here marriage day channel do that on the apple podcast network or spotify also leave us a comment we would love to hear from you god bless you we're going to go to this teaching you don't make a covenant you cut a covenant and every time in the bible when a covenant is made there's blood adam and eve had a marriage covenant adam got cut that jesus said this is the new covenant in my blood okay so a covenant means a sacrificial permanent relationship a sacrificial this is going to require sacrifice permanent relationship well did you know that the wedding vows that most of us take are covenant vows whether we realize it or not here's what he said for better or worse for richer or poor in sickness and in health you know why we say those vows because we're making a sacrificial covenant relationship okay marriage marriage means there's going to be sacrifice involved in this and when poorer comes when sickness comes when when bad times hit i'm all in from the very beginning my expectation from the very beginning is this was a sacrificial relationship that was a lifelong relationship and i've got my sleeves all up let me say this we've turned marriage from a covenant into a contract a covenant relationship is sacrificial a covenant relationship is i surrender my rights and i assume responsibilities a contract i protect my rights and i limit my responsibilities so we in in our culture we have turned marriage from a covenant into a contract and it's absolutely pathetic it just simply doesn't work like that it's going to require sacrifice so here are three unchangeable realities of marriage these this is just absolutely true related to marriage we all have hurts from our past quirks and our personalities and ignorance concerning the opposite sex that only marriage will cure and it will take years for the process to be completed and now again pre-marriage counseling helps tremendously a right courtship time helps tremendously but even with all that we're imperfect people and we're entering into marriage and it's just going to take a while and it's going to be a long process there's going to be sacrifice that has to be made and that's just the truth and so a lot of times the more fearful that people become in marriage the more idealistic they become and i see women sometimes they're not just looking for a husband they're looking for jesus junior you know it's like i want the perfect man well that perfect man is sitting in heaven there's no perfect man down here i see men that are looking for a spirit-filled stepford wife you know they're looking for this just absolute perfect i'm going to find the perfect person no you're really not the right person yes you're going to find the right person but that right person will be imperfect and that's just you you just have to you know get your brain on straight so here's the issue this is critical when you do marriage properly you heal each other see when you expect that you're going to marry someone and they're just going to be this perfect person or whatever you get your heart broken because no one's that way but understand this men the bible says for men to love their wives as christ loved the church the word christ means anointed one did you know that every man is anointed to heal his wife when you nourish and cherish your wife ephesians 5 says men are to nourish and cherish their wives as they would their own bodies when a man submits himself to jesus and when a man loves his wife the way that jesus loves the church he heals her in other words you're not going to get yourself a perfect wife but you can get yourself a perfect wife a healed wife by being a christ-like husband let me use i'll use an analogy here in just a minute did you know that women are made in the image of the holy spirit did you know in the bible that women in the holy spirit have the same name helper when god made a woman for adam completely equal he called her helper and that means one who supplies what is lacking and the power to accomplish the task and did you know that every woman has in her what her husband needs to be healed did you know when we're married properly it's a christ-like man and a holy spirit like woman healing each other so when we get married and we think that we're going to get this perfect person and we don't and we find out that they have quirks and flaws and things like that and now our heart gets broken and we turn on them and we wound each other why do we wound each other because we just came in with wrong expectations most most people today honestly they think if their wedding is nice enough that's all that matters they do very this is the truth now most people today getting married they do very little pre-marriage preparation but they just go nuts about the wedding destination wedding on a beach whales you know breaching you know wild horses running doves being released the children's choir singing you know all this just perfect wedding and we're going to have this perfect wedding and then happily ever after that's not really the way it works it really works weddings aren't emotional operating rooms that fix everything they're the registration desk for the hospital if you think it's bad before you get married it'll be a lot worse afterwards you're just signing up for the marriage hospital let me talk to you about a gardener versus a consumer okay a mentality a gardener goes out in the yard and the gardener sees a tree and the tree's not healthy and the gardener says hey goodness you know i need to do something here i need to feed this tree i need to treat this disease i need to do this and this this and the gardener says you know i need to take responsibility for this tree this is my tree i need to take responsibility for it a consumer goes out in the yard and sees the same tree and says i'm going to go to the store that i bought this from and complain i want a new tree let me ask you a question in your marriage are you a gardener or a consumer when you see a problem in your spouse do you take responsibility to do something about it and heal it or do you think about getting a new model the the way that we think about marriage sets us up for success or failure and i'm saying in your marriage there are going to be times when your spouse is sick and they're suffering and there's nothing they can do about it they need your help and if you're a righteous husband a christ-like husband and a holy spirit like wife you're going to see your spouse struggling you're going to see your spouse suffering and you're going to reach out and you're going to sacrifice yourself to help that person if we're superficial and selfish we're going to go and demand a better model [Music] we definitely encourage couples have a regular date night but during this time many of us had to get a little creative with date night our sponsor unbox love is here to help make date night easier they want to bring date night home every month the unboxed love team put their heads together and comes up with an awesome date they plan activities that allow couples to learn about each other experience something new together and make memories that will last then they wrap all of that up in a box and send it to you each date is built on a theme past themes have been a trip to italy 90s date night and pirate themed in the date night box you'll find a game or activity to do together curated snacks from unique vendors you'll also find ideas to continue to stay connected like sticky notes to leave your spouse be intentional with your marriage and keep the spark alive as you date your spouse let unbox love help this holiday season you can also give the gift of connection to a couple you love with unboxed love as a listener of the marriage today podcast unbox love is giving you 10 off just visit unbox club dot com forward slash marriage that's unbox love dot com forward slash marriage [Music] kind of you know as i've done marriage counseling over the years because of this issue of false expectation i thought about reality weddings you know all these reality shows on tv i thought about reality weddings but you know and let me just kind of give you this suggestion and i know you already married a lot of you some of you aren't you might want to do this but you know i think at weddings there shouldn't be tuxedos and wedding gowns or really anything nice because i think it's false advertising i think we're all too messed up for that and i think probably what needs to happen at weddings is first of all you get counseling you go to a counselor but the counseling is not designed to fix you because you're too messed up for that it's going to take way too long to fix you and so the counseling is for the purpose of just basically seeing how messed up you are and then you have to dress accordingly for your wedding so for example at my reality wedding the dress the groom does not wear a tuxedo he wears a military uniform ripped up bloodied up all terrible because his family was an emotional train wreck and all his family's messed up he's messed up she needs to know what she's getting into so he's going to stand there during the wedding all bloodied up bandaged up with a military uniform she's not going to wear a wedding gown she's going to wear a hospital gown and she's not going to have any flowers coming down she's going to be pushing an iv coming down the middle out because her family was an emotional train wreck they're both messed up they're both so they're both going to stand there looking like that at the wedding and all of his family they're out there bloodied on the front row all her family the same way because they're all messed up and they need to know that the pastor doesn't dress nice he dresses as a terrorist and carries a rifle and if anyone gets happy during the wedding he fires around just to shut everybody up this is a serious event and everybody needs to know the reality of what's going on now i don't think anybody's going to do that so i've got a second option here these these are my reality vows and i offer these to everybody getting married these are my reality vows that i think every couple should say at their wedding i do solemnly swear to take you as my lifelong patient to bandage and to medicate you as long as we both shall live i will love you for richer or poorer for better or worse in sickness or in sickness because you're one sick puppy and i don't see you getting well anytime soon though i'm hoping for some improvements today i realize that the pretty clothes you're wearing here on our wedding day are rented and will be returned you will probably never look this good again that's why we're taking so many pictures to preserve this rare moment i also understand that reality is waiting for me at our hotel room where tomorrow your morning breath will announce the dawn of our lifelong journey together and the harsh morning light will reveal the real you in spite of all of this i love you with all of my heart and wholly commit myself to this marriage until death to his part so help me god because i'll need all the help i can get [Applause] those are my realities i offer those to y'all but see disappointment's the number one reason for divorce is jesus i love jesus i just love the way that jesus does things day one he walks up and says here's the deal you want in this is going to require sacrifice this is going to require you making some hard decisions are you in i want you to be in but i don't want you to come in with your brain all wrong i love jesus but i hate the devil i hate the devil i hate the way he sets everything up for failure everything is so pie in the sky everything is so idealistic it has to fail it has to fail and so i'm obviously joking about my reality weddings here but i'm saying this it's better than what's going on right now with people dressing up and acting as though everything's fine and everything's beautiful and they're all prepared for marriage when they're not and it's not going to work it's not going to last here's here's the second unchangeable reality of marriage without an understanding of reality and a strong commitment to the marriage every significant problem threatens the marriage when you when you get married and bad things begin to happen and you begin to get disappointed you get on your heels when you enter into marriage with a sacrificial covenant mentality there's no question i'm staying there's no question that i'm going to fix whatever the issues are in our marriage i'm all in i'm going to pay whatever i have to pay i came in to this marriage saying for better for worse i came into this marriage saying in sickness and help and so thank god for the good times but when the bad times hit i'm all in i am not a renter i don't have one foot out the back door i'm not on my heels i'm all into this relationship i'll do whatever it takes university of chicago linda waite did a survey and she wrote a book called the case for marriage wonderful book but she surveyed a group of very unhappy couples and these were people that were just basically miserable in their marriages five years later 85 of the couples who are very unhappy describe their marriage as very happy and in describing the commonality of what those couples had in common she said a couple of things one is they had a strong work ethic in other words they didn't mind working they knew they had problems but they had a strong worth they could the second thing is their friends did not value divorce the worst thing in the world to have in your life when you're having struggles in your marriage is someone at work trying to talk you into going to a strip bar or happy hour covenant relationship is a relationship that's willing to do anything you come into covenant knowing this is going to cost my life this is going to cost me everything this is covenant there's blood here and when god created marriage god could have created eve out of the dust just like he did adam but that wouldn't have been a covenant because there's no blood but he cut adam and marriage is a sacrificial permanent relationship that god only blesses when is the covenant let me sacrifice that's why jesus turned to the people and told them this is going to be a sacrifice this is not going to be a walk in the park but it's worth it here's the third unchangeable reality of marriage satan hates marriage and every couple will come under spiritual attack we must fight for our marriage against the true enemy and not our spouse if we're going to survive and succeed the here's the good news god has a plan for your life and your marriage here's the bad news so to satan the devil's the accuser of the brethren and he hates marriage because marriage is the image of god he hates marriages because it's the most sacred institution on earth god created marriage in genesis chapter one it is the first institution he ever created and it's the foundation for every other institution on earth and he's a strategist he understands if he can destroy marriage he can destroy all of society he hates your marriage he hates what your marriage represents and he hates the potential that you have together in god and an unchangeable reality is you're gonna have to deal with the devil in your marriage he's going to come the bible says that when we go to bed on anger we give a foothold to diabolos and every single time we go to bed on anger in our marriage we will be counseled by the devil whether we know it or not and he will interpret our spouse's behavior to us he'll try to get us offended toward each other he'll try to convince us that we made a mistake and you've got to close that door on him you don't go to bed angry you talk things out right now you don't sit there and let the devil tell you that you know there's something wrong with your spouse you married the wrong person you we deal with our anger every day and we take our thoughts captive and i'm not going to let the devil tell me something about you that god hasn't said god loves karen evans perfectly and it is impossible for me to get him offended at her because he's mad or mad in love with her madly in love with her and anytime that i feel anything other than that type of love for her the devil's gotta thought in my mind and so we're gonna have to deal with the devil here's here's what i'm saying the the the news is that in order to succeed in marriage we have to treat it as a covenant and we have to sit down day one and count the cost there's going to be there's going to be some sacrifice here we're going to have to war here we're building something great we've got to count the cost because it's going to take us every single thing we have and this is going to be challenging the other side of that thing is we're going to succeed and it's going to be the most awesome thing we've ever done in our lives and we're going to make a difference for god we're going to raise godly children we're going to make a difference in the world so on and so forth and the devil can't stop us [Music] hey this is brent evans with exo marriage and i want to thank you for listening to the marriage today podcast we believe your marriage has a 100 chance of success if you do it god's way if you enjoyed today's teaching and want to keep learning hey subscribe to the mayor's today podcast and take some time to leave us a review your reviews help us spread the word and can encourage someone else in need for more great marriage content check out xomares.com where you can see all of our marriage building resources articles and live events you

Channel: MarriageToday

Views: 10,993

Rating: 5 out of 5

Keywords: Jimmy evans, Karen Evans, marriagetoday, sex, love, relationship, christian, christian marriage, divorce, marriage advise, marriage help, xo marriage, dave willis, ashley willis

Id: RSyM5_j9lUE

Length: 24min 19sec (1459 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 26 2021