The REAL Reason Why Men & Women Don’t Match Anymore... | Chris Williamson

men have it worse in some ways women have it worse in different ways right this isn't a competition of like oh let's wave the flag of who's actually accumulated more victimhood points the first thing that needs to happen before anything is the volume of the conversation needs to be turned down we need to see the challenges that are faced by both sexes the second thing that needs to be put out front is that there needs to be a way to raise men up without bringing women down because it is very easy for you to say okay so women are out achieving men in education and employment let's just put the reins on them and then everything is going to be brought back good look I'm not trying to roll back any of the gains that have been made by women over the last 50 years but you do want to have eligible mail Partners right if the thermodynamics of Attraction include the fact that women tend to want to date across and up in terms of status employment and education you need to do something right some of the things that you could look at doing in terms of solutions would be uh red shirting boys of starting Boys in school one year later this is something that was performed by Richard Reeves the reason for this is that boys tend to mature less quickly than girls if you're the Start Boys one year later in school it would mean that they would be more effective at their age they would be more mature mentally that's one start another one that I think is probably more controversial but would make a big impact would be to stop derogating motherhood right to start pedestalizing motherhood again there is a huge movement in certain corners of women's advice that any woman who decides to become a mother is a second essentially a second-class citizen I don't think that that's true I don't think that a woman that chooses to become a mother is a second-class citizen but women often fear becoming just a mother right or just a wife or at worst a domestic prostitute and they flee from this Specter of family life into the Open Arms of a corporate employer and laughably we call this process freedom how can it be that the thing that most of us are grateful for a great mother in our life has now been derogated as some sort of uh it's not it's like somebody's been rubed into a role that the patriarchy always wanted them to do right there was an article a little while ago that said a maternal instinct is a myth that basically the only reason that maternal Instinct exists is because the patriarchy has convinced women that they're actually supposed to like kids it's like I I can't even begin to explain how ridiculous that is if you look at all of the sex differences in terms of the way that humans work pedestalizing motherhood would make women fear being a mother less it would make it an aspirational goal for them to to pursue one of the scariest stats that I learned was from a guy called Stephen Shaw he wrote a did a documentary called birth Gap and in it he talks about this declining birth rate a matter analysis by Professor rinska Kaiser says that 80 of women who aren't mothers after their fertility window closes didn't intend to not be mothers involuntary childlessness run about 10 of women are physiologically incapable of having kids very unfortunate right about 10 of women intended to not have children which leaves a whopping four out of five non-mother women who didn't intend to not be mothers and these women have support groups where they come together to grieve for families that they never had and it breaks their hearts that they weren't able to find the right partner in time before their fertility window closed and Professor Kaiser talks about the pain that these women feel and Stephen Shaw's been to these support groups that women who thought that they had more time that struggled to find a partner in time they grieve for families that they never had and that that sentence just it makes me it makes me feel so upset like it's so painful to hear the prospect of a woman that that wanted to have a family in Cotton very difficult so there's there's two solutions there that you've kind of offered up as potential solutions to that um does that alone fix the other side of the coin which is the huge quantity of men that are avoiding relationships intimacy women all together not particularly um raising man up somehow would be great but I mean where we begin with that I don't know I think men are heavily checked out of Education uh and employment uh men have been retreating from the U.S labor force Market by 0.1 percent per year since 1950. 87 in 1950 it's about 67 Now by 2050 or 2040 or 2050 it'll be 65 percent given that women want on average about 80 of women want a man with a stable job this Retreat is not good each step that men take where they take themselves out of education and employment not only isolates them and makes them economically uh less viable as contributors to society it also makes them less eligible as mates on average men between 18 and 30 in the US spend 2 000 hours per year playing video games stoned or on prescription drugs that's not the eligible partner right so one other thing that you could look at doing is re -encouraging in-person dating so online dating does worsen this issue because it allows you to optimize for object objective metrics of success right on a dating app and this is for both men and women on a dating app particularly for men you can have your education level you can have the car that you're with you can talk about your job you can so women are very much encouraged by the platform itself to take a incredibly low resolution view of this person so all of the things that guys are able to work on like you know Vibe and humor being Pleasant being kind being caring being Charming none of that can come across on a Tinder profile and this means that it further worsens the tall girl problem you see how it would it would make the objective metrics even more and more worsened let's not forget that there are three men for every one woman on a dating app so even if every man matched off with a woman there would still be this huge number of men that didn't have a partner right so online dating hasn't delivered on the Promises I think that anybody wanted for it women swipe right on around about 4.5 percent of profiles for men men swipe right on about 60 of profiles for women this means that a lot of men see online dating as a waste of time we spoke about how it buffers rejection and that it helps people to not feel rejection so much but when you spend a lot of time on apps swiping right on 60 of people on average and you don't get very many matches or any matches or the few matches you do get never turn into dates that would quite rightly make people feel disenchanted with the world of dating Downstream from the problems of social media that we spoke about before are a lack of ability to flirt I actually think that flirting is a lost art at the moment you know it's a very complex thing to do it's a push and pull it you have to understand a lot of intricacies about sort of social dynamics and interaction you need to be able to tease but not too much and the Art of flirting is incredibly difficult to get right and it's even more difficult if you've never interacted with a woman in the real world especially as guys and girls now let's touch another third rail Stephen me too so metoo was a uh necessary requirement to call powerful men to account for misbehaving and using their power to gain sexual access to women what it sought to do was to sanitize the toxic elements of certain males Behavior what it's ended up doing is it sterilized almost all of it 84 80 of men report not approaching a woman because they are scared of being seen as creepy 84 of women say that they want the man to make the first move women are terrified of being approached by men because of stories of sexual assault of dangers within the workplace of overreach by men that are both in power and out of power men are terrified of approaching women for fear of being accused of all of those things so we have a epidemic of loneliness and sexlessness amongst the Sexes for the first time in our four million year history we have large cohorts of both men and women who want relationships and can't get into them men feel invisible on dating apps and a terrified of approaching women in the real world women yearn for men who they want to be in a relationship with but either are not spoken to by or are used and abused by in person both of them are terrified of talking to each other in any case for fear of either being accused of or becoming the victim of some sort of terrible interaction I think that re-enabling in person dating would make a massive difference it would reduce down the tall girl problem because you would have the ability for guys to gain status in the eyes of for instance a guy that maybe not doesn't have a University degree but is unbelievably funny it's still very statusful right because humor and gender is a sense of status it's called clown masking in the the black pill World um but that guy might not get a chance if he was just on online dating so that would be another thing uh and you can see as well how the incredibly uh righteous ideas of me too when taken to an extreme could end up causing some externalities that disadvantaged women in the dating Market do you see what I mean of course as you were saying that I was thinking about that video that went viral of the young girl in the gym who was filming the guy that came over to ask her if she needed help with the weights yeah do you know the video I'm talking about So for anybody that it doesn't have a context um a young lady on Tick Tock um set up her camera while she was in the gym and she was filming a guy and she sort of anticipating him coming over to help and lo and behold the guy walks over and says do you want a hand with the way and tries to give her a hand with the weight and then as he walks off she like she cusses him out and says he's a basically portrays him as this like Predator monster and the reaction online was the inverse the reaction online was like was siding with the man because he just came over and asked her if she wanted a hand of course we both know that there are very predatory men in gyms correct I've I've got female friends that have spoken to that my girlfriend speaks to that all the time she tells me how of her experiences in the gym but there is another side to highlighting this issue which causes perfectly reasonable polite men who are genuinely offering a hand in something or let's be honest flirting yeah to be totally [ __ ] terrified absolutely and and this is the this is the difficult conversation that we don't have a lot which is what's the the net we can see the net positive of that we can see the positive side of that but what is the downside everything in life has a cost is that now that we are scared to broker conversations with strangers through fear of being put on blast on Tick Tock if you optimize for absolute safety what you're going to end up with is nobody ever approaching a girl in the gym now I don't know maybe maybe there are girls that say do you know what it is it is worth it for no girl to ever be flirted with in the gym for no girl to ever be made to feel like they are being uh stared at in the gym you know like if the price that we have to pay is that no one ever gets a date a gym date then that's fine because the benefit that we get is that no one ever is made to feel uncomfortable right a few things to say on that first off almost all uh indiscretions from men that are where they do creepy Behavior are a very very small cohort of men that repeatedly do it this is from David buss's Men Behaving Badly it is one man doing a thousand bad things to women not a thousand men doing one bad thing to women now the problem is that that can still cause a massive that's still a thousand bad interactions with women right but you have 999 men that are saying well I don't behave like that I've been smeared with this with this bad this bad brush and this is an incredibly difficult uh line for both of us to thread here how is it that we can talk about some of the challenges that women face in the dating world when there are so many obvious benefits that have occurred to their safety as a byproduct of this one of the interesting things that I learned about that uh gym the toxic Jim gays video was it could have gone either way when it went on to tick tock right it was a knife edge if you'd showed me that video and the comments were hidden and you said what do you think the reaction is going to be are you going to toss a coin toss a coin and that will be this guy's either push in my opinion I don't think that he had overstepped but I don't understand how the world is going to react to this now the interesting thing there is that a lot of people take their cues about what is and is not acceptable social behavior from the way that other people view what is and is not acceptable social behavior so those sorts of landmark episodes actually end up creating a trend of what people in the real world will consider to be acceptable behavior so let's say we have a different version of the universe and in that Universe everybody decided that that actually was too much from a man what you have then is all of the girls that watch that video seeing it and saying oh my God if a guy glances over at me more than three times in 90 seconds and tries to help me deload a glute Bridge that constitutes worthy worthy concern about abuse in the toxic male gaze right so we have now reset expectations down to a much tighter sensitivity level similarly for men they think okay I know that three glances in 90 seconds plus assisting someone to deload the plates from a bar is too much therefore at most I can have one glance during 90 seconds do you understand I mean do you see how we we would further Nerf the world we would wrap it in more and more and more cotton wool and then Downstream from that you concept creep this out to the stage where anything is toxically masculine if you love the diver CEO brand and you watch this Channel please do me a huge favor become part of the 15 of the viewers on this channel that have hit the Subscribe button it helps us tremendously and the bigger the channel gets the bigger the guests

Channel: The Diary Of A CEO Clips

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Keywords: the diary of a ceo, podcast, the diary of a ceo podcast, Steven Bartlett, Steve Bartlett, doac, diary of a ceo, diary of a ceo clips, Steve Bartlett Podcast, chris williamson, chris williamson david goggins, how to build confidence, dating, dating tips, love, love advice, date, dating advice, how to ask someone on a date, how to find someone, dating apps, barbie, ben shapiro barbie, ben shapiro, barbie review, barbie trailer, relationship advice, men vs women, feminism, woke

Id: R1-Vgh9QoZw

Length: 16min 22sec (982 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 26 2023