The REAL Reason 90% Of Men Are Lost In Life | Scott Galloway

when we say young men are themselves at three times the rate as young women we use terms like accountability or say things well if they just opened up more about their emotions or they need to get their act together and that is we've decided when it comes to men compassion is a zero sum game and that if you feel bad for men it immediately kind of outs you as someone who might be anti-women or who's gone red pill because the void the the statistics are just staggering four times more likely to be addicted 12 times more likely to be incarcerated and because nobody was talking openly and honestly about those very real issues that void created opportunity for what I think are some unproductive voices to fill that void and start speaking to these men and naturally a lot of people now have a gag reflex when I hear people talking about the problems around men and a lot of these men are finding Role Models online like Andre Tate who is many people describe as a symptom of this of this crisis um is there anything that Andrew Tate says that you fundamentally agree with I I I understand there's there's a lot that you have a different opinion on but what is what is it that he says that you think has holds Merit uh I'll go further than that I think the majority of what Andrew Tate says is probably positive it starts from a really good place take accountability for your actions be in great shape be action oriented but it then kind of comes off the rails and the one of the ways you kind of take accountability or take action is to try start treating women as property is to sign up for my class on how to trade crypto which makes Trump University look like Harvard I mean it's just it's a bit of a grift and I also think that it what starts off as positive POS and that's most the quite frankly that's the most dangerous thing about it because you can imagine a young boy a young man just agreeing with most of it and so then they adopt the last 10 or 20% Which quite f is just really ugly it's just misogyny with incarceration with male abandonment and with a lack of teachers in Primary School you have an entire generation of young men who grow up having never had a male role model if you were to point to a single a single point of failure where all of this starts if you said where did this young man come off the tracks if you tried to identify one signal through all the noise it would be the following when the boy no longer has a male role model so the first is we need to frame the problem as this is a real issue that requires and deserves compassion and our sympathy you know it's not a zero some game civil rights didn't hurt white people uh gay marriage didn't in any way diminish heteronormative marriage and so the first is to have a conversation that this is a group that's struggling and to stop using terms like accountability and somehow blaming them for their own problems here the 19-year-old male should not pay for the sins of his father or grandfather now and my yoda on this is Richard Reeves uh but basically it comes down to kind of three things the first is biological our prefrontal cortex does not mature as fast as a woman's an 18-year-old woman from an executive function standpoint is like a 20-year-old male so or put in another way a two senor in high school applying to college the woman is essentially competing against a 16-year-old and that is her prefrontal cortex had that executive function that he has uh she had it at 16 so we're seeing uh double the number of women graduating from us colleges as men because it's 6040 ratio when they start and then the ratio only gets worse because more men drop out that still is an incredible on-ramp to influence and economic security these men aren't getting on that on-ramp so there's biological reason reasons there's also I think the education system is just biased against men uh boys are five excuse me a boy is twice as likely on a risk adjusted basis or behavior adjusted basis to be suspended for the exact same activity as a girl who's brought into the principal's office for the exact same infraction you're sitting in front of me as a as a guy you're twice as likely to be suspended for cheating on your chemistry test as if you as a girl coming in a black boy is five times as likely to be suspended as a girl so they're biologically behind women have an education system biased against them and we have economic policies that have created a great deal of Shame and rage and the last point I would just say is for the first time in Europe and America's history a 30-year-old is not doing as well as his or her parents were at 30 and that creates just tremendous shame and rage it's especially hard on men because I think men are still uh primarily evaluated in terms uh through the length of their economic uh Vitality I mean look at the housing market the average age of a firsttime home buyer is 47 now in 1980 the average age of a first-time home buyer was 29 young people have been sequestered from whatever you call you know Loosely speaking the American dream or the or you know the the UK dream so the odds are just the the forces in the face of young men have just become uh greater and greater and it's manifesting in a lot of different ways lower marriage rates lower birth rates and uh uh skyrocketing and suicide it should also add that suicide is way up among teen girls because of social media so different challenges at different ages what is what is masculinity isn't that you're writing a book at the moment right you're writing two books at the moment about various subject matters what can you tell us about what you're writing about yeah well I'm finished with the algebra of wealth book I'm just starting the book on masculinity but I think we need for our previous comments I think some unfortunate voices have filled this void around masculinity and I think we need um a new vision for modern masculinity on the far right I would argue that those forces have conflated masculinity with cruelty I think people like Trump and Putin and Elon Musk are looked to as role models for masculinity for a lot of good reasons but I think being a murderer Putin a criminal Trump or someone who has 11 kids none of whom he's living with musk I think that is exactly what it means to not be a man and when I try and Trier the three legs of the stool of masculinity and I'm still working through this and I'm curious if you have any thoughts but I come up and then so on the far right let me back up the wrong vision of masculinity on the far left as far as I can tell their vision of masculinity is to act more like a woman I don't think that's right either it's like what how do men how do men become better men act more like a woman I don't think that's not only what men and Society aren looking for I don't think that's what women are looking for I think if there's a fire or Russian soldiers pour over the Ukrainian border you want some of that big dick energy and I also think that women are attracted to generally speaking this isn't true across the Spectrum we're having a really important conversation everyone deserves respect but I think demonstrating a certain level of uh unabashed masculinity is really important in in romantic relationships and for me the pillars or the three legs of the stool masculinity trying to distill it down to three things our first protector I think that I was in Seattle at the Weston Hotel and I was checking in and there was an alarm went off and they said they closed the elevators and said we a smoke alarm has gone off on the 11th floor and these firefighters about 9 minutes later showed up carrying each of them must have been carrying 80 lbs of equipment and axes and all sorts of [ __ ] and it was nine men and one woman and they don't look at the cameras to see if there's a raging fire on the 11th floor they just bomb to the 11th floor they're just there to protect people like yeah we might die fireman is actually more dangerous than being a cop it's more dangerous than being in the military but they are there to protect you and whether it's the military or things are cops or people or or a head of household that's providing economically I think being a protector is a key component of masculinity and I also want to say that masculinity is not isolated to people born as males I think a lot of women demonstrate masculinity I think it's a wonderful attribute I personally end up being more drawn to friends who have more feminine characteristics which are also wonderful but generally speaking if we're going to have an adult conversation around gender and gender roles in masculinity I think we need to acknowledge that 90 95% of us will have an easier time embracing these types of behaviors more commonly associated with people born as males and born as females but the modern vision of protection the modern vision of protection needs some nuance and that is the the trans Community I think most men don't understand at their heart don't really understand the trans Community don't understand the notion that parents and a doctor might decide that a 15-year-old should have surgery and go through transition with hormones I think the majority of men don't when that hits them don't understand it and I think that lack of understanding can lead to um unconscious discrimination and bias and I think part of being a real protector is to acknowledge that you don't need to understand stuff to um protect people and that is I think our first inclination should be as men this is a community maybe I understand this maybe I don't maybe me maybe I do know trans people I don't know trans people clear out the politics of it clear out your misunderstanding this is a community that is taking a lot of [ __ ] even You could argue being persecuted your first role as a man in his masculinity is to move to protect them full stop that's what we do we protect people and we air on the side of protection and I think that is a really I think that's a really nice attribute to start from a level of protection when you see someone being hurt you don't need understand the situation if you see someone getting beaten up in a Subway if you see a fight about to break out in a bar you don't need to understand the situation you move to protect to Protection full stop that's what we do as men the second is provider um 70% of divorce filings are from women and it's usually a function of three things the guy loses his business has a mental breakdown or goes bankrupt men are still looked to to be the economic provider and that's not to say that and part of that is to embrace this wonderful progress women have made and sometimes acknowledge many times acknowledge that the woman or your partner is just better at this whole money thing and being supportive and getting out of her way because your job is just to ensure play a role that you can provide for the family um and then getting to a point where you can take care of yourself take care of your family and then start to expand the circle and start taking care of extended family start taking care of the community donations philanthropy I think that's a real to be a provider for people that ultimately you don't know is a form of masculinity right to plant to plant the seeds of of trees or sh you know that uh you will never sit under the shade of which you'll never sit under and then the final one is procreator and this is the one I'm working through and will definitely get me in the most trouble but I do think that part of masculinity is being the initiator in a romantic relationship and pursuing romantic relationships and there's a difference between Pursuit and being a predator and if you don't understand the difference you've got much bigger problems and because of some wellp publicized and heinous abhorent acts where men um Abus their power um now we can flate any sort of initiative or or aggression around establishing a romantic relationship is predatory and I don't think that's true I think men's role in in being more aggressive around romantic relationships and even aggressive is a tough word being the initiator I think that is part of masculinity I think that's part of success um one of the things you know I hope my boys I try I think I told you this last time I was here uh when I used to go down I don't do anymore because it just got too much but I used to force my kids whenever we went out to talk to a stranger and we' sit outside our house with my 13-year-old very upset CU he hadn't talked to a stranger I wasn't going to let him back in the house I'm like just go pet the the dog just say hi anything but that ability to initiate contact professionally personally whatever it is I think it's fundamental to success and so I think guys need to early on hopefully get comfortable with approaching strangers yeah including including strange strange potential romantic partners because the stats are showing that about 50% of people who end up in relationships made their first Contact online technology is enabling people to say well why subject yourself to that risk you can you can engage in something that feels sort of similar without any risk at all and over the long term it's just such a bad trade I I mean you were talking about porn porn is the largest unsupervised experiment on young men that we've ever had and it's largely unsupervised because there isn't a lot of academic research on it because most academics don't want to be known as the porn Professor so there really is a lack of research around it and when I coach young men the first thing I do kind of my go-to is I get their phone I look at screen time I'm like okay let's think of your what do you have as a young person you have a lack of financial Capital but you have a lot of human capital and that's really important time so we're going to think about your time as money and we're going to decide how we're going to invest it let's look at your current portfolio of Investments and I ask them to unlock their phone and I say I won't be judgmental and between Twitter Tik Tock porn coinbase it's so easy to find a minimum of 10 and sometimes up to 50 hours a week and we're going to reallocate it and we're going to reallocate it to other things and one of the things we're going to reallocate it to is like first we got to make some money are you making any money you got to make some I don't care if it's flipping on an Uber app I don't care if it's becoming an instacart a Dasher the best way to make a lot of money is to start making a little bit because you start developing the skills and The Hunger for More Money Right the second is we're going to take some time and we're going to try and invest in uh organizations or activities that put us in the company of random strangers not just potential romantic interests but friends mentors you that's that's super you know that's super important and one of the keys to developing what I'll call the Mojo to take those risks around romantic relationships is to moderate your consumption of porn one of the only reasons I graduated from UCLA was because one of my motivations for going to class class was not only that I wanted to learn not only that I needed to learn to graduate I was a terrible student but the prospect of potentially meeting a woman who I could take to one of my fraternity parties or that ultimately might be interested in me romantically and sexually and if ID had the access to porn that young men have now I'm not sure that Mojo would have been as great to get out of the house as often so just to tell young men not to engage in porn I think is sort of ridiculous but look at it analytically and think okay would you be more inclined to get out of the house take those risks engage in the victory engage in what it is to be a man and be a mammal um if you had reallocated some capital and ensure that that fire was still there uh so modulating I think modulating porn and more generally spending less time online every digital version of your life is a shittier vision of the analog version that could happen but everyone said I'd rather have I'd rather have shitty shitty kind of okay TV that's just mind-numbing as opposed to putting in the effort to to to do something great but um I think it's more than just porn I think it's all of it why leave the house why endure that sort of rejection effort expense it's not just so expensive to go out right so but I think porn is one of those things that young men need to modulate and find and you know such that they get their Mojo and here's the thing here's the thing Stephen and this is I mean the bottom line is when we go to Solutions the number one solution for what ails young men is other men and that is uh if we want better men we have to be better men and I think the ultimate expression of masculinity where it shows you're powerful you're strong you're smart is when you get involved and irrationally passionate about the well-being of another child that is that shows you have hit a certain level of success and unfortunately I was on Bill Maher I'm doing a lot of name dropping right now and I said that and Bill Mah immediately went well I'm not going to get involved in any 15 year-old boy's life they're going to think I'm a pervert and the reality is the Catholic church and Michael Jackson have [ __ ] it up for all of us and that is 99.99% of paternal and fraternal love that men want to display and get involved in a young man's life life is positive and Society has taught us to be suspect of those men and it's a real shame because those random generous men who came into my life were were were instrumental instrumental in in my development and turning into a productive citizen I think a lot of men have those the inclinations and that desire to get involved and and and the good news is these young men in need of guidance are everywhere sometimes it's just your friend's kids because biologically uh kids start pulling away from their parents because they need to to get out you know leave the nest so they start thinking anything your dad says is just wrong and stupid but your Dad's friend when he says the exact same thing you kind of Nod your head and it makes sense and young men who need guidance are everywhere everywhere you know my nanny kid is struggling your friend's kids are struggling young boys are struggling I get emails every day from dozens of young men who are clearly just like good kids trying to figure it out they're just trying to figure it out and they want a little bit of reassurance and a little bit of guidance in someone just to tell them that they matter if you love the dver CEO brand and you watch this Channel please give me a huge favor become part of the 15% of the viewers on this channel that have hit the Subscribe button and it helps us tremendously and the bigger the channel gets the bigger the guests

Channel: The Diary Of A CEO Clips

Views: 90,489

Keywords: the diary of a ceo, podcast, the diary of a ceo podcast, life lessons, ceo, Steven Bartlett, Steve Bartlett, life advice, doac, diary of a ceo, diary of a ceo clips, Steve Bartlett Podcast

Id: noAwyPyYjKQ

Length: 19min 42sec (1182 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 02 2023