Chris Williamson: Why Men & Women Are Giving Up On Love

one of the biggest levers in fact the single biggest predictor of your health outcomes in life are the number of close connections that you have it's more than quitting smoking it's more than going to the gym it's more than stopping drinking fifty percent of men say that they are not looking for a relationship when they say aren't looking for a relationship do they mean I'm not looking for a woman or I'm not looking for commitment and not actively pursuing any kind of interaction with women oh where did we go wrong and how do we go right okay so 50.1 of women for the first time in history uh are mothers there are more childless women at 30 than there are women with children right so for almost all of human history more women had kids under the age of 30 than over and now it's switched there's a study from Morgan Stanley that says by 2040 45 of 25 to 45 year old women will be single and childless if online dating was creating this perfect facilitation for relationships to start how are we ending up with all of these outcomes it's a question what's wrong with the outcomes what do you mean why should people care about being single all the stats you've just said um I could look at them and say they're just sort of objectively neutral like there's no adverse consequence to society or the world it's fine that people aren't having kids it's fine that people are aren't having sex I'm playing devil's advocate here but like what what is the what is the negative consequence of all of those outcomes that you've described in your view there are people for whom a life without a partner is the right choice that's absolutely something that I'm prepared to accept but it's not most people it's one of the biggest levers in fact the single biggest predictor of your health outcomes in life are the number of close connections that you have it's the number of friends it's more than quitting smoking it's more than going to the gym it's more than stopping drinking it's a number of close friends that you've got and a relationship is a big close friend Robin Dunbar says that in order to get into a relationship you have to sacrifice two friendships because you can have around about five very close friends if you want to get into a relationship you need to get rid of two of them because there is a minimum time investment so people that are in relationships have better health outcomes they have onset of dementia later they have alzheimeric uh problems later on in life uh they are less lonely that seems pretty uncontroversial and yet both sides of the aisle both men and women are retreating from relationships and finding ways that they can justify this uh you know Boss culture and sort of the lean in um women's mentality or men going their own way and in cell culture in the black pill for guys are both ways that each sex is trying to deal with the challenges that are coming out of the mating Market both sexes are saying I don't want to be a part of this anymore I'm finding it so painful and difficult to be in this world that I'm just gonna cast off any of it all together and then retroactively come up with a lot of explanations that can justify why they didn't need to be in a relationship in any case and for some people that's true but for most people that's not dating out Absa clearly not you know as you say in your own words and previously aren't the only causal Factor so my question to you is where did we go wrong and how do we go right okay so I think challenges in The Mating Market are coming from many directions one of the main ones that will be pertinent to the people that are listening is the increase in female achievement in education and employment now about 50 years ago when Title IX came in there was a 13 percentage Point swing in favor of men to women in universities there were significantly more men than women it was an affirmative action policy that helped to get more women into higher education 50 years later 2023 it's a 15 percentage Point swing between men and women in University in the other direction there are two women for every one man and a four-year us college degree around about by 2030. women on average between the ages of 21 and 29 earn 111 pounds more than their male counterparts women are roughly twice as likely as men to say that they will value Financial prospects in a partner about 78 of women say that a stable job is something that is important for a partner to have whereas around about only sort of 45 of men say the same thing for a man to increase his rating on a 10-point scale by two points he requires around about a tenfold increase in his salary for a woman to achieve these same two-point Improvement on a 10-point scale a salary would need to increase by 10 000 times my point being that women are they are concerned about a partner's socioeconomic status significantly modern manner now you can start to see that if you have a world in which women are attending University at high rates they are achieving more success in employment at least in that sort of 21 to 29 range which is when most people are perhaps looking for potential partners and yet the socioeconomic status of a partner to a woman is a big determinant of their level of attraction you can start to see how this imbalance could cause a problem similarly when we talk about education a man with a master's degree on Tinder gets 90 more right swiped than a man with a bachelor's degree so for all of the guys that are considering going and getting a master's degree even if you think it's going to be useless at least except the fact that you get 90 more right swipes to the rest of your life or just lie about your Masters I don't know all of this rolled together describe something called hypergamy which is the female tendency to date up and across on average women want to date a man who is as educated or as employed as they are now in a world in which quite rightly women have finally been able to achieve parity in education and employment and status and have Independence and not be financially reliant on their partner all the rest of it that's great for them but it it does cause some challenges for their dating and this is what I've called the tall girl problem so everybody knows what it's like to have a girl friend who is six foot without heels you'll if you want to wear heels you're looking at professional athletes because on average women want to date a man who is at least as tall or a little bit taller than they are so as women rise up through their own competence hierarchy in education and employment they further shorten down the potential pool of eligible men that are as educated or more educated and as employed or more employed than they are this is a challenge this is just a straight up imbalance right what this causes is is a very large group of men toward the bottom of this distribution to be essentially invisible to women it causes a very large number of women in increasing cohort to compete for an increasingly small group of turbocharged super performers at the top these guys the super high value guys have a wealth of options so they are commitment to verse why would they decide to sit down with one girl for the rest of time when they have this wealth of options which can cause them to uh use and discard many of these women which then causes most of these women to resent men overall and then the guys that were forgotten at the bottom that say well hang on a second I didn't use and discard you I haven't even been seen by you no no all men are whatever it might be right that they are users and abusers that we don't need them that where all of the Good Men at etc etc it's a big group of men that feel like they are good men that are invisible there's a big portion of women who have finally managed to achieve educational and employment and Independence that are chasing after a smaller group of guys these guys are commitment to verse I don't think it's necessarily good for them either it's the child with the ice cream right like guys being able to keep it in their pants when there's a lot of options on the table is going to be difficult for them too this is one of the main drivers this tall girl problem is a massive change I think in the dating Dynamics it obviously begs a question Chris which is if everything you've said is objectively correct and spot on and supported by the data then how does if I make Chris Williamson the prime minister or president of the world and I say your first job is to fix this challenge what do you do the first thing that you don't do is roll back women's education and employment and this is one of the problems with this discussion right the things that I've just said there are borne out in Pew research data Morgan Stanley results like these are incontrovertible facts right they are there and any girl that is listening who earns more than 50 000 pounds a year and has got a Masters or above level education and is toward their late 30s or in the uh their late 20s or in their 30s knows this problem you know the fact that you are struggling to find a man that you feel is eligible for you right that needs to be out there the problem that happens around this discourse is that it posits men and women as adversaries and competitors of each other right there's enemies this means that worthwhile compassion which is needed to both women and men if you're a woman who has gone through your education you've dedicated yourself to achieving a degree you know your mother's generation wasn't able to achieve this and you're the first person that's maybe gone to UNI or got a Bachelor's or got a message I've got a PhD and then you spend some time in a career grinding away and you're now on 150 Grand a year you think right I'm 31 I'd love to settle down this would be amazing for me where all of the men at hang on a second and what you realize is that not only now are you competing with all of the other increasing cohort of women that are high Achievers with status employment and education but you're also competing with a 21 year old Barista who still lives at home with her parents for this small cohort of guys that requires sympathy for women okay that is not a good position for women to be in at the same time this huge cohort of sexless men thirty percent of men haven't had sex in the last year 50 of men say that they are not looking for a relationship you were a man you have been through your twenties you know the power of the male sex drive between the ages of 18 and 30. can you imagine getting yourself into a situation where you say I'm not bothered about pursuing women that is an unbelievably extreme statement for men to make and their self-identifying as this in Pew research data this isn't on in-cell forums this is pure research 50 of men aren't looking for a relationship when they say aren't looking for a relationship do they mean I'm not looking for a woman or I'm not looking for commitment and not actively pursuing any kind of interaction with women oh casual included what 50 percent if you love the diver CEO brand and you watch this Channel please do me a huge favor become part of the 15 of the viewers on this channel that have hit the Subscribe button it helps us tremendously and the bigger the channel gets the bigger the guests [Music]

Channel: The Diary Of A CEO Clips

Views: 401,709

Keywords: the diary of a ceo, podcast, the diary of a ceo podcast, life lessons, ceo, Steven Bartlett, Steve Bartlett, life advice, doac, diary of a ceo, diary of a ceo clips, Steve Bartlett Podcast, chris williamson, mordern wisdom, the problem with dating apps, what to do when feeling lonely, chris williamson david goggins, how to build confidence, build confidence, dating, dating tips, love, love advice, date, dating advice, how to ask someone on a date, how to find someone

Id: xCnK5lN8CgY

Length: 11min 44sec (704 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 13 2023