Bob: Game is now recording.
Jack: Up, down, up, down, okay. Bob: Mousing over crafting.
Down, up, down, down, up, up. Bob: Alright, videogame.
Jack: OKAY, I'm already crafting a bandage. Jack: Cause there's sticks on the ground right next to me. Jack: Pick up rock. Saw another rock, where's the rock, now making a knife Jack: Dude, I'm gonna kill everyone already! Bob: Alright, get 'em Jack! Jack: Um, you can make bombs and everything, also we have to raid, like containers and if you look at the screen at the top, that diamond is me. Bob: Screen at the--? Oh, okay. Diamond is this way, alright
Jack: Yeah Bob: I don't see any rocks yet, this is not good for me. So far all I have is a stick. Jack: Okay, I have a spear. Bob: I am... coming towards-- Oh no I'm not. Alright, you're directly west of me Alright, alright, alright here's a rock.
Jack: Oh yeah, and you, you get "FUNC" points as well They're F-U-N-C points, so if you take them-- Bob: Yeah, that's what you use to craft, yeah? Jack: Yeah. I'm makin' a bow. Dude! I... I don't know if I should actually be doing all this shit. I have a bow now!
Bob: I need-- Jack: I have a bow and arrow. Bob: I need that. Jack: Oh-kay!
Bob: I need a bow and arrow. Jack: You can also get items that are called "man trackers" that will, like, show up where people are, so... It'll tell you if people are close or not, but, we have to find them, so--- Bob: Alright, I've got, uh, I've got a k-nife. Jack: Okay. I'm gonna make my way towards you, then. Bob, we're gonna win this! Can you feel it? Bob: We're-- Oh yeah, we're gonna win, baby. Bob: Alright, I got a spear. I've got all kinds of stuff now. Jack: I don't know if I should've done an intro to this video or not. Or should I just kick straight into it. Jack: Hey Bob! Bob: I, I'm over by some buildings. I'm gonna go... inside these buildings.
Game (overlapping): Oh, that's a lotta blood! First kill! Jack: Okay, somebody died. Oh, god, am I allowed-- am I able to go through water? Bob: I see a guy. I have a guy over here by me. I'm gonna keep coming towards you, Jack. I dunno if these buildings are worth my time. Jack: Okay. Bring them to me. I have a bow. I have a bow with six arrows. Bob: Alright, I'm right here, buddy. Jack: Okay. I'm right behind that tree. Bob: Yup. There's a guy-- there's a guy over here to the left of the white building.
Jack: Is he following? Bob: No, he's running away. I think he saw me. Jack: Hi! Bob: Hey buddy, how you doin'? Jack: I'm good! Nice shirt!
Bob: C'mere, friend. Bob: You see my name? You see my name, friend? Jack: You're... Salty Buckets? Bob: Aw, it says my Steam name!? Jack: Yeah. Bob: Nah, I named my character The RockingJay Jack: Aw, that would've been awesome to see!
Game (overlapping): Ooh! Enemy down! Bob: Ah, whatever. Uh, someone was murdering someone over here. There's a guy on the other side of this building, uh, to the left? Do we wanna go in here and try and, like, get supplies? Or do we wanna fuck this? Jack: Yeeeaah, I don't know. I've never played this! I've just seen
Bob: Well, let's just-- Jack: other people play it. Bob: Let's just stick together. Jack: Oh, I heard someone get hurt!
Bob: Someone is murdering someone inside the building. Jack: Can we crouch? Bob: Yes. Oh, there's a team over there. There's a team of two. Bob: Oh no. They're beating the shit out of each other. There's a team of two beating the shit out of one guy. Game: Your enemy just died! One weapon kill! Jack: Oh, I hit him! I hit him!
Bob: Oh shit! Good shot, good shot! Here. I'm gonna drop a trap on this corner. Let me know when they're coming over here. Jack: Okay. Uh, no, they went right. Bob: Okay. Jack: We scared them off. See, the, I think the objective of this game is better if you-- Oh! If you look up into the sky, you see the leaderboard. Bob: Oh yeah! Yes! Jack: Um... Are those other people? No. Okay. I, I think-- Bob: There's someone like, healing themselves or something.
Jack: Yeah, I think a good idea is to act fast. Jack: Are they fighting each other? Bob: I dunno. Wanna go see? Jack: Oh, there's more people! Game: An opponent just got hacked into pieces with a razor-sharp blade!
Bob: Alright, there's two of 'em over here. Where you at, Jack?
Jack: Aw, shit! I, I-I, I'm, I shot at one, but I missed. Oh, I hit him! I hit him by accident!
Bob: Nice! Nice, nice! Jack: H-how do I-- How do I cancel my shot? Shit! God, I'm wastin' all my arrows. Can I not get my arrows back? Fuck! Bob: No, but you can craft 'em if you find another stick. Jack: Oh, I hit that dude! I hit that dude!
Bob: Man, he got, hit already. Jack: I hit that dude that's inside the building! Bob: Alright, he's-- he's gotta be injured, then. Jack: The other guy outside has a bow.
Bob: I'm gonna see if I can-- Jack: Ow, ow. Ow! Bob: Oh, shit, he's tazing me! He's tazing me, Jack! Jack: Oh, I kept, fucking, oh Jack: I got him! I got him! I got him!
Bob: I think I'm gonna die, I think I'm gonna die. Jack: Oh, god, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die, I have 22 health. I'm gonna die. I got a flare! Oh, I didn't, I got a thing! Aw, I'm dead. FUCK! Bob: God, shit! Aww, I'm dead now.
Jack: Aw, dammit! Bob: I'm gonna die now. Wow, really? Jack: Ahh, reward! "Men's Grey Solid Motorcycle Pants" Okay, well. Return to menu. Bob: Well, awesome. Great. Jack: Well, now you know how it plays. Bob: So it plays real fun-like. Alright, so, I gotta save my FUNC to get a bow, that's what I gotta do. Jack: I just... built everything that was around me so I could carry more. Three! Two! One! Bob: Alright, I'm in a box. I'm out of a box!
Jack: Oh, god. Okay! Jack: I have two branches, I'm makin' a bandage. Oh, I should'a used my bandage last time. Bob: It takes, like, forever to use your bandage. Where you are? You're this way.
Jack: Yeah. Oh, we're closer to each other this time! "Craft for five FUNC."
"Crafted smoke bomb"? "Poison gas vent" Jack: Can I make a smoke bomb?
Bob: Don't use that... Don't use that. Jack: Okay, I won't-- I won't craft it , then. Okay, we're gonna do this this time! Bob: I got five FUNC... from a dead person's face sticking out of the ground. Jack: Oh, I see a dead person's face.
Bob: Ah, shit, I see-- I see a person in front of me. Jack: Okay, try and avoid them.
Bob: Uh, they're between, yo-- They're between us. And they're appear-- they appear to be at the place where you wanna be. There's a building here with some shit on the outside. Jack: Ooh, I found two bodies. Oh, up-town FUNC you up-- Bob: Jack, you're so much better at this game than I is. SHIT SHIT SHIT The person found me. Halp! Halp! Jack: Okay, okay, I'm making a cudgel, and I'm gonna come to you. Bob: I don't think they're gonna follow me. They seem to be as afraid of me as I am of them. Jack: Oh, okay. You're close! Bob: Yeah, hi! The person was--
Jack: And there's no one chasing you. Jack: You're okay.
Bob: --not that, not that far behind me But I don't think they followed me. Jack: Do I move on screen when I look up..? HEY! Bob: Oh, hey!
Jack: HEYYY! Bob: Hayyy! Jack: I dunno what this thing is over here. Bob: I dunno, but I wanna be on it, though.
Jack: Okay, there's a rock here. Jack: There's a rock here. Bob: Ohh, you can call an airdrop in there-- Jack: Oh! I see the dude!
Bob: --for a hundred Jack: I see the dude, I see the dude. He has a spear.
Bob: Rock me. Jack: There's a rock there, and there's a few more back here. There's a branch. There's a rock here. Bob: Alright, I wanna-- I need this. And then I need a stick, and then I'll have a bow. Where's the last stick?
Jack: Right here. Bob: I think this'll get me a crafted bow... Yes! Jack: At my feets
Bob: And I do SICK damage with a bow, bruh. I got bro perks. Jack: Okay, ahm. The bow is really... hard to use... Bob: Yeah, I was practicing with it in the tutorial. I got it.
Jack: Okay. Um... should I make caltrops? No... I'm tryin' to see if there's anything else we could bring with us. I'm-a make another bandage! Bob: Good idea. Jack: How do I drop--?
Bob: Oh, shit! Shitshitshitshit! Bob: If you look at it on the ground, and press the number that you want it to be in, you could replace it. I dunno if you could drop stuff. Jack: Oohh. Game: A contestant just got shanked
Bob: Alright. Bob: So in this direction, Jack, there is a, uh Bob: There's a building that's probably cleaned out now. But we might be able to still get some... some stuff over there. Maybe. Jack: Yeeeeah. That other dude went, like... That way. Bob: Well--
Jack: He went north-west. Bob: And if you look at the sky, are we supposed to go towards the blue tower shit? That's being held up by quad-copters? Or...? Jack: No, that's the-- that's the middle of the map.
Bob: Okay. Jack: So, when... When time is up and the map starts closin' in, we have to head there. I'm scared! Bob: I'm gonna go-- I'm gonna go in here, and see what happens. Jack: Yeah, okay. Bob: Ooh, what's that blue thing? What's that blue thing?
Jack: Yeah... Cleared... Jack: 50 FUNC! "To open". Oh... Bob: Shit, really?
Jack: Dammit. Jack: I was like "50 FUNC!? Awesome!" Ooh, toilet! Can I drink the toilet water? Can I-- BLAGALGAHAALAGAHBH Hey, Big Brother, who you lookin' at, huh?! Fuckin' camera bastard. Bob: Alright, sooo.... Jack: I'm hearing noises, and it's freaking me out. Bob: Yeah, I'm hearing, like, pitter-pattering, and... swish-swashing... and all kinds of stuff. Jack: Swashbuckling
Bob: So, do you want to go up the mountain? See what's going on? Jack: Can we? Bob: I think we can go up here. Jack: Up! The mountain! Yay, FUNC! Bob: What is that?
Jack: It's FUNC. Bob: Ohh. Oh, that's pretty good.
Jack: And an ice axe! Ooh~ Bob: Oh, yeahyeahyeah, if you drop your spear I'll take that spear as a secondary. Jack: Oh... There! Have a bandage.
Bob: Oh, that was your thing of bandages. Jack: Take the bandage.
Bob: I, I have a bandage... Jack: Oh, okay.
Bob: I mean, I'll take it as-- I'll have two bandanges now. Bob: But I-I, I have one of those.
Jack: Whoa, whoa! Bob: Where you going, bruh? Jack: I'm hearin' noises. I thought we were gettin' attacked... Bob: I think we're good. I think it's just my feet. Tip-tappin' away. Jack: Okay, I'm scared! Jack: Ohh, this place looks--
Bob: You wanna move in? You wanna move in towards these buildings? Bob: See what's going on? Jack: I... guess so? I'm fuckin' terrified of this game! Bob: It's fine, man, this is great! It's fuckin' awesome. Don't worry, you got-- You got The Rock-ing Jay with you! I will back you up. Jack: The Rock-ing Jay, and... I-- I need something... Like "Peeta" or "Katniss"... Katpiss! Bob: Kat--?
Jack: Katpiss and The Rock-ing Jay! Bob: Kat-- Katpiss Mellark? Is that you? Jack: Okay, this, um... This was cleared out. Jack: Yeah, I di--!
Bob: Yeah, I knew someone's been here... Jack: I didn't realize the second name was "Mellark" Game: Next up is "Loot Pinata"! Get to the-- Jack and Bob: "Two crates will fly above the center arena for you or an opponent shoots them down." Jack: Ooh, that's a bad idea! Jack: Ah, fuck! Jack: Fuck, barbed wire, barbed wire, barbed wire!
Bob: Whoawhoawhoawhoa! Bob: You okay?
Jack: Yeah. Augh, god! Bob: You okay? You okay?
Jack: You have to press F to get out of it. I have 75 health now. Bob: I-- I got bandages!
Jack: Ow! Okay, I'm-a bandage myself... Bob: Okay, okay. I'll... cover you.
Jack: Augh, fuck, man! That sucked! I just rubbed the bandage on my skin... Put some lotion on the skin. Jack: Jesus, some people move around this game super fast! Bob: Yeah, I feel like we're, uh, a little behind the times here. Jack: Yeah. Jack: "Requires explosive to open." Dammit... I have explosive diarrhea. Bob: There's a bunch of rocks and shit out here. Jack: Yeah-- Everybody else is playin' this game, they're like, Jack: "Okay, I know exactly what I need to do," Jack: "I need-- I know where I need to go," Jack: "Um, I go in here, I get 14 rocks, and then I make a gattling gun. Jack: And we're just like, Jack: "Where is everyone?" Bob: Oh, that's the thing that requires explosEYEves to open. Bob: Are you dying?
Jack: No. Bob: Was he dead when we were here before? Was that like that? Jack: I don't know, but I can't pick up the bandage.
Bob: Seems new. Jack: Why can't I pick up the bandage? Jack: This is weird... Bob: Alright, there's an air drop thingy over here, but I only have 24 FUNCs.
Jack: I have 25... Bob: Bring the f--
Jack: Can we combine our FUNCs and still not have enough? Bob: Bring the noise, bring the funk? Ayy, there's more FUNC over here! Jack: Some dude has two kills. Game: Your opponent just killed someone else! Jack: Okay.
Bob: Is there FUNC over here? Bob: I wish one of us had the man-tracker, then we could, like, find bitches, and kill bitches. Jack: I don't think us killing bitches is a priority right now. I think surviving until everyone kills each other, and then we battle it out at the end is a good idea. Bob: Sounds good. I feel like we're not acquiring any new gear, though. Jack: In other words, "be bitches, get money." Bob: "BE bitches, get money"?
Jack: Yeah. Bob: I don't think that's how it goes.
Jack: It is! Bob: "50 FUNC to open"? I'm only at 34! Bob: FUNC me!
Jack: I'm at 40! Jack: Ooh, I think I'm findin' more FUNC, I'll open that, and then we'll get... we'll get, like, a, a machine gun! Bob: Wh-where'd you go? Where'd you went? Bob: Oh, there you are.
Jack: I'm right in front of you! Bob: I got distracted! You walked away. Jack: Stop bein' a scared! Bob: You were just sayin' how scared you were-- Jack: STOP! Jack: STOP FREAKIN' OUT, BOB! Jack: I have 50 now! Bob: Alright, so if we find one of those boxes, you can open it. Jack: Yeah! Th-- Jack: OH! Jesus! Oh, god!
Bob: Oh, whoa! Whoa! Bob: Person, person, person! Jack: I see him! Sh-should we... take him on? 'Cause he's hurt from that bomb.
Bob: danger, and run away. Bob: Yeah, you wanna try and get him? Jack: Maybe.
Bob: I think he's not hurt from that bomb, I think he just used explosives to open a crate. Jack: Oh, god, he's right there. I'm scared. Jack: Um...
Bob: He's about to bow me! Jack: Okay.
Bob: Ouch! Jack: Maybe we should, uh, flank him. Bob: Sounds good. Bob: Oh, god, I'm bleeding to death. Oh, jeez. Jack: Do not bleed to death! I need you! Bob: There we go, I just fixed myself. Oh god! He's inside! He's inside, I heard him doin' stuff.
Jack: Okay. Jack: "Center Kill Switch available in 1 minute" What?! Bob: I think he's inside. I hear him doin' shit. Jack: He's on the roof! There's somebody on the roof! Bob: Shit, oh shit! Gotcha, bitch! Jack: Did ya hit him? Bob: Stick your fuckin' head out, I hit him twice! Jack: Good! Kill him! Bob: Stick your fuckin' head out, I fuckin' dare you. Jack: Kill him dead! Should I--
Is that him?? Jack: I feel like I should run in-- Oh, there's another dude right there! Bob: Oh god! Oh god, Jack, save me! Jack: Get him, hit him! I'm hittin' him! I'm hittin' him! I'm hittin' him! I'm killin' him! I'm killin' him dead! Bob: One behind you! Behind you, behind you!
Jack: Aw, fuck! Bob: Run, run, run, run, run!
Jack: AW, FUCK IT! Jack: How did I die so quick?! Bob: Aw, come on! Why were they so fuckin' invincible, man!? Jack: He has a fuckin' sledgehammer... One of them has a rifle. Bob: I only did 56 damage in all that shit?! Are you kidding me?! Jack: God, damn... That sucks! Jack: Okay... I'm-a grab somethin' REAL quick, and I'm-a be back. Jack: If it starts... Don't die!
Bob: Alright. Jack: Don't die, Bob!
Bob: Alright. Jack: Don't die! Bob: Uh-oh. Bob: Jack, I'm sorry... Jack: Oh. Oh! Bob: Jack, we're starting! Jack: Okay! Up, down, up, down! It's synced, okay, I'm back! Ahm... Rock... No, I don't wanna make caltrops! I wanna make a knife. Jack: Hoo, boy! Bob: Dude, I got a good spawn. I got a bow already. Jack: Niceee Ahm... Okay, I got a satchel. Which... gives me an extra slot. Bob: Oh, you suck. Bob: I've just cleared it out in the doorway, and set a trap, And so now whoever goes in there's gonna get FUCKED. Jack: Dude, they're gonna get so fucked. Should we head straight across to this other place?
Bob: Do you wanna cross this bridge? Yeah. Jack: Yeah. GEROMINOS! WITNESS ME! Bob: Gerominos Pizza. Jack: Man, I would love some Domino's right now. DOMINO'S! Bob: I wonder if anyone's, like, watching us, just like, "look at those assholes." Jack: Item crate! Oh, I don't even need FUNC to open this one! Bob: Oh, yes! Bob: We're playin' with a bunch of scrubs!
Jack: Aw, fuckin' machete!! Bob: Alright, bro Jack: Dude, this does so much damage. That's why I got crippled last time. But the dude had the fuckin' sledgehammer? Kay, other building.
Bob: You're free to open up all the poopers. Bob: Ah, I'm gonna set my last trap in this doorway.
Jack: Okay. Jack: I'm-a head to the other building. And if anyone... is in here, I'll take damage off them, and then you win it for the team. Bob: Alright. Jack: Okay, nooo traps. Oh god, all of these are open, though. Bob: Yep, someone has been here. I keep hearing your footsteps and gettin' all paranoid.
Jack: Yeah! Game: Aaand, a contestant just died! Bob: I heard that.
Jack: I keep hearin' fuckin' sound effects! Bob: Yeah, I heard yelling, I heard yelling in, in connection with that death. Game: I am not a real doctor! Bob: Hey, there's a building over here. Nope, what is that? Person! Person, person to the right! Person to the right. Just went down that hill. Bob: Away from us.
Jack: I am not seeing anyone. Bob: They're gone, you can't see 'em now. I just saw them for a second. They went straight away from us, down that hill. Jack: Whoa!!
Bob: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Did you see anything go with that exploding sound? Jack: No, but it--
Bob: Or was it just a sound? Jack: It's-- it was right down here. Why does everyone have explosives and we don't?! Bob: I dunno. We're stupid or somethin' We're missing some kind of obvious thing here. Jack: I just wanna kill ONE person. Bob: I know!
Jack: Is that so much to ask? I love murder. Okay, there's a guy... The-- inside the building, or the other side of the building I can't tell. Bob: Inside downstairs is clear. Jack: Okay, then... Then he's just outside the building I saw somethin' move out there. Jack: To the left--
Bob: I went inside. Are you in here? Jack: Yeah, I'm right behind you.
Bob: Okay. Bob: Alright, I'm gonna clear out this upstairs... Bob: Hoo-ha! Wah!
Game: Ooh, enemy down! Nice kill! Bob: Alright.
Jack: They're right out there! They're right out there! Jack: There's, like, there's four of them. One of them just died. They're all in the center of the arena. Jack: Did ya hit him? Bob: Alright, maybe I'll-- maybe I'll save my arrows. Nah, I didn't hit him. Game Your opponent just put someone's lights out--
Bob: Should we go? Game: with an arrow!
Bob: Should we go join the Battle Royale? Jack: Yeah, let's do it! There's a team... Jack: Oh! God, they're firing at me! Jack: Uhm... Ow, ow! I'm hit, I'm hit, I'm hit, I'm hit!
Bob: Oh, god. Bob: Help, help help! Bro, help! Jack: Oh, I hit you. Jack: I didn't know I could hit you! Bob: Oh, my god, help!
Jack: I'm helpin'! I'm helpin'! Bob: I'm dead. Game: An enemy killed your friend! Jack: Come on! They blocked! They blocked! Come on, die! Die, bitch!
FUCK IT! Bob: Noooo, I died! Jack: Come on!! *in-game noises* What about that other fucker? Damage done: 57 That's ALL? Bob: *sighs* I only did 10 damage that whole fuckin' time! *Jack silently eating apple* I don't get this game. I see a dude, he has a fucking GUN! Bob: Well, that seems fair. Jack: What the shit? Jack: Okay, he's running away. Jack: I think. I'm scared now, Jesus Christ! Bob: Aw, I found an item crate! Jack: What's in it? Probably a machete or something. Bob: FULL BODY ARMOR?! Jack: Duuuude! I'll make a hatchet, 'cause I take less damage with a hatchet. Bob: Wassup bruh? Jack: Wassup buddy? Bob: Check me out in my sweet, sweet body armor. Jack: DUDE! You better survive and.... kill everyone else for us now. Bob: Ooh, what's these things? Hey there's a thing over here, dude. Jack: What? Bob: Backpack, bandage, why didn't you take these? Jack: I didn't see them! Backpack! "Inventory full". Really? Bob: Put it- put it in your inventory then put it on. I- I experienced that. Jack: Oooh, Now I have TWO extra slots. Bob: Yeah, don't die. Imma go right upstairs. Jack: I'm coming. Oh, I heard something. Bob: Yeah, I heard death. Jack, I'm gonna see if I can make this jump. Jack: Ohh, god! Bob: Yes!
Jack: You fucking did it! Jack: You're the best. Bob: I found a FUNC barrel. How much FUNC do you get for a barrel?
Jack: Oh, I think it gives you like 25 or something like that. Bob: Oh c'mon, baby. Gimme that sweet, sweet FUNC. Ugh, gave me 15, that's not that much. Jack: That's crap. Jack: Heeey, wasup? Wooah! Tink, tink, tink-tink-tink-tink-tink! Bob: Oh shit! Middle mouse click is throw. Jack: Okay! Game: -killed somebody else with a knife. Bob: Ok, let's...
Jack: People are fucking each other up and we're not doing anything. Bob: That's fine, they can kill each other all they want, man. Whatever, FUNC me. Umm... oooh that door's not open. Maybe there's some good shit out there! Jack: Wait, now I have 35, how am I getting extra FUNC from nothing? Bob: You accumulate it slowly over time I think. Jack: Ohh! That makes a lot of sense. This looks like something that's missing a texture. It's a photoshop block. Bob: Alright well, we're up here now, that's pretty cool. Jack: Oh there's a pipe over there, there's a pipe over there. Sewer system. Bob: Oh neat. Jack: Dude! I feel like a ninja right now. We're not dead, so that's a good thing. Bob: Ya, if we're not dead that means that we're winning is what that means so... Jack: Yep! Jack: I'm going in here. Bob: Yeah let's do it. Jack: I think we should be sending you in first. Bob: Probably Jack: Oh God...
Bob: Left of right?
Jack: Not down that way
Bob: That way looked- oh this is just back out. Fuck that let's go in baby Jack: But... Bob: let's go deep. Jack: okay Jack: Go deep or go home
(Bob in background: Go balls deep!) Bob: oh you can recycle gear for 25 F.U.N.C. Jack: oooo Bob: Oh for 4 F.U.N.C. Why would I want to recycle it? I don't wanna recycle it. Jack: Well this was fun... uhh Bob: nice Jack: Throw that on the ground
