The Power of Self-Responsibility - Matt Kahn

how do we care for others without caretaking for others do you know what I mean and I think the difference really quick is when you care for others it means you are giving of yourself openly generously genuinely and thoughtfully no matter where others are in their journey but you're not holding yourself hostage and waiting for them to heal and shift before you are set free so we care without caretaking and in the name of self responsibility I think it's really really essential kind of love this into energy just so good you felt where you can talk about these really clarifying things but from this gentle heart opening energy a lot of them been in the name of self responsibility we can really start to see how do we interact with reality as awaken heart centered beings what does it actually mean to judge and how do we unravel that tendency so let's talk about judgment for a moment to be aware of the shortcomings the necessity of healing the unconscious patterns and other people to be aware of the density and darkness that obscures their perception of reality that causes them to project instead of Inquirer to conclude instead of asked to draw assumptions instead of ask for more information that's not a judgment that's awareness that's an awareness it's only a judgement when you decide to ridicule gossip and condemn the person for how they are to talk about the condition is to gain clarity from your perspective if it leads to shaming or ridiculing or defining someone as bad versus good that would be called a judgement does that make sense now here's where it gets interesting and a little sticky for a lot of us let's say you have someone in your life that when the going gets tough and when the pressure is on they may not be able to process their stress and I project it onto you as criticism or make your life not so easy by the way they don't know how to manage their circumstances and you say to yourself this is not how I like to be treated and I think that it's best for me to draw a boundary and not subject myself to this type of behavior when they're acting this way now to the other person they may think that's a judgement and in their mind they may say you should be able to be with me no matter how I act but that's not a measurement of self-acceptance if you condemn the person in your mind that's a judgement and as a result of that judgment you might say I can't spend time with them the I can't spend time with them might be the right boundary that you and they both need but you don't have to condemn them in order to draw that boundary does that make sense so in my book everything is here to help you I talked very specifically about how we respond to anger how is anger here to help us anger whether in yourself or someone else says I'm too overwhelmed by the healing process occurring in my field and the one who is angry needs space to heal and process by themselves whether they know it or not so when we are treated disrespectfully the one who disrespects us is begging on a soul level for space and it's a message they're not receiving because they're too entrenched in their ego so when we are abiding as our soul we say the person who is disrespecting me needs space to heal by themselves even when their ego says I need your companionship we're the one that says I'm gonna give you the space you need that's called drawing a boundary when people are at their most useful and beneficial expression in your life they will treat you with respect now you can have someone in your life who is just releasing emotionally and might need you to hold their hand while they emotionally barf and they don't have to make it about you they're just gonna say hey look I gotta said his words and if you can be here for me that'd be great and then you can hold space if you can and if you start to feel fear or you start to feel anger agitation that's your inner voice saying your being there for them in the way that you can and they need you to be but at this moment you need to take a break and draw a boundary for yourself because now this is actually too much for you so in the new spiritual paradigm it's really it's really important to create boundaries and I say this to you as someone who in my life I never knew about boundaries I never knew what a boundary was I always thought a boundary was a limitation I never thought of it as a space of refuge to take care of myself I had to learn that I've had some amazing teachers so so creating boundaries is when you know the interaction with someone else has reached its peak potential in that moment and that sometimes people can be blessed by our presence and other times they're more blessed by our absence and to know when the moment is done is just by tuning in to your inner emotional compass and the boundary is actually a part of the soul contract between the two of you because there's a contract that says if you desire interacting with each other here are the gifts of mutual benefit you can share while being in each other's presence breathing in and out each other's vibrational frequency while speaking to each other and then when those files have been swapped and we need to integrate what we have exchanged there will be a sense of I think the moment is done I think my attention is going elsewhere or someone will act in a way where a boundary needs to be created that's about the discernment of understanding why we come together and when it's time for that moment to end just like at the end of a meal there's a time when you know to ask for the check there's just that sense of where's the where's the server right you just know same thing with interactions there's a moment where there's a ripeness of our sharing and there's a moment where I think this is kind of runnings course you ever had that funny experience with family who stayed just a little bit longer than they should have right on sudden that final day and you're like are you sure you don't need a ride to the airport I said oh no my flights not so like tonight there might be earlier flights you can get home early do laundry think of how ahead of tomorrow you'll be you'll be so ahead of the game right you ever had that moment the best here's the best way to interact with family the best trips or time you spend with your family should be ones we're on the last day you're all saying I wish we had more time if you at the end say god it's like we just got started I wish we had more of this you have created the perfect amount of time with someone you always want that God we're just getting started but you almost want to like rearrange your flight schedule but don't leave on the high and there are nerds and family they go oh god I just wish we had some more time together like I know this would be really good they go should we rearrange our trip now no no no no this is this is this is the sweet spot this is the sweet spot right at the end of the time together you should already be missing each other that's when you got it right not do you stay just a little bit longer and it's just kind of like you know just waiting it out that's way too long so when we're interacting as human beings just like just like aren't there times where you feel in yourself oh there I could go out and be sociable friends or I think I need to stay home and just take care of myself you have that right energetically I just think I need some me time for me I might say you know I'm integrating some big upgrade which happens all the time and when I'm going through an upgrade sometimes my field is so sensitive that being around people is just too much for me it's all just too intense I got walk into a room if I'm going through a real sensitive grade and I feel everyone's stuff and people are talking and everyone's voice and mannerism and expression feels like it's happening inside my body and so there are times when it's just you know I think I need to be by myself and integrate and be silent and go inward and that's really the cornerstone of heart centered consciousness knowing how to read the signs of your inner guidance so you can take care of yourself plus you and so drawing boundaries isn't to push someone away but if you're drawing a boundary for someone in in a in an ego structure or someone who's waking up but doesn't know what a boundary was so that was for me I didn't know what a boundary was I had to learn but there are people in your life and I can look at my family and go when I've tried to create a boundary for my family how upset they got they felt rejected and abandoned they didn't see that the boundary was for me to take care of myself they were just looking at what they thought they were losing or missing they thought me spending time by myself meant I didn't want to be around them and on some level it's not incorrect they go well now it's like you don't want to be with us well it's not that I don't want to be with you I just want to really be with me and if you're there I can't do that so it's not really incorrect right when people get hurt it's not like there's no kernel truth to it right if you want your own alone time in your partner because it's like you don't want to be around me well I want to be around me and if you're there it's not that full immersion it's not untrue it's not the purpose of it so we don't have to judge and condemn people as oh you're this your lower I'm higher Oh God you know all that stuff we don't do that label people whatever and even the things we've talked about at this retreat we talked about different you know passive aggressive tendencies narcissism these things these aren't judgments these are understanding the way certain patterns play out in our minds within ourselves and others so when having greater awareness of what's playing out we can be aware of when these things are active what role are we being asked to play and when someone is acting in a way that is disrespectful to you an energetic invasion taking away from your ability to freely choose how to be or just distracting to you in a way that doesn't feel good you have the ability to create a boundary that says you know I care about you on a soul level and I think that I'm going to remove myself in this moment and I think what I will see you some other time and if someone gets upset or hurt by that they're free to do so they're already in a healing swirl so them being upset by that is not the biggest surprise and when they get upset by you taking time for yourself do you know what they're doing to your need for space they're judged against they're judging you for taking the time you need to be whole because when we when we are imbalanced relationships we are celebrating each other's wholeness and if there's someone in your life that needs space to find their wholeness so to come back with you and celebrate wholeness well then why wouldn't we cheer that on and if we can be with each other when we're less than Hall and support each other that's great but we have to be honest can I be there for that person don't think about the person you want to be think about the person you actually are there's a lot of us who want to be certain expressions of spiritual perfection we're already perfect as we are but there's there's there's a certain way we want to be we read about it we go oh I want to be like that and we try to be like that but is it actually where we're at because you have to be honest about where you're at to work through the barriers to be limitless that's why I can be on stage and tell you in my life I walked through life and and so many things have no effect on bless you and then when something does affect me I'll be the first person to admit it so we can talk about it I'm not afraid of that I'm not trying to be like anything I'm just being myself with you and there's an inherent perfection to just being yourself wow this person needs me and I really want to be there for them I want to be the kind of person that says hey I'm your rock you know just flip out yell at me and I know you're only yelling at me the things other people have yelled at you about this isn't about me and you're just gonna go and just let it rip and I'm just gonna be a rock and I'm gonna be in Samadhi and immoveable and just be your support and when the time comes you'll be that but if you can do that for two minutes great and if you can't do it at all why judge yourself why judge yourself for saying to someone you know I'd love to be there for you but my nervous system doesn't have it within me to give you what you want so I have to give myself what I need think of it as someone who desires things in their life big-ticket items but their bank account doesn't have the funds for those checks to clear they'd like to buy all those things but they don't have it in the bank to cover that expense do they same thing energetically you'd love to be there for people but do you have the money in the bank to cover that Shack or is a can abouts and for it to bounce energetically means you're gonna be there for someone in the way you actually can't your nervous system doesn't have it within you and your nervous system is gonna crash and you're gonna have to spend even longer time healing that cuz you didn't get the mess does that make sense be there for someone because you're proving to yourself with a spiritual being you are and blowing out your adrenals not everyone can be there in the way people need and it forces them to go inward and be by themselves but you don't need to judge people for how they act you don't need to judge them for the way they are you just need to be able to ask yourself is this what I'm ready to experience and is this what I need you know what they need remember we're going from caretakers to being a caring partners this may be what they need but is that what I need do I really want to be there for them while they're going through this and if there's a desire to go my god my beloved is going through hell I want to be there for her like a man whose wife's in labor and she's in excruciating pain pushing a baby into the world and the husband's like honey I'm right here for you this is us we got this and if they have another epidural please maybe just squirt it in my mouth like a fountain I don't mean to foretell the future when the doctor has to see you honey do you want an epidural I'm gonna answer it say yes that'll be a double sir make it a double stat so are you feeling more comfortable with the importance and benefit of a boundary are you understanding that instead of surrounding yourself with a bubble of light and trying to be there for people when that's not what you need you understand that removing yourself from the moment is actually the protection that you can walk around with right the greatest psychic self defense is the power of discernment and the willing to acknowledge what you need and not wait for other people's approval now of course at the same time we don't have to walk around and do in a very caustic and sharp and jagged manner you know like I need my own space and if you don't like that you're a problem like we don't do all that that's what people do when you're not comfortable speaking the truth when you're not comfortable speaking the truth you come from this very aggressive standoffish place because you're actually afraid of being rejected by others and you're just trying to push people away in a very callous way because you don't know how to just stand for what you need right the most courageous thing you can do is let people know what you need from a place of openness and humility hey I really know you need me to be here for you god I wish I could do I wish I wish I could be the person that could be there for you right now but my adrenals don't have it with it me my nervous is done is already in its own the frazzled state and unfortunately I'm have to take care of myself right now so as soon as I'm back online we can revisit this for right now I had to take care of me and someone doesn't like it that's just a part of their healing journey so as a segue in this conversation about self responsibility I want to kind of Anna Douglas before I want to dispel a very old misunderstanding on the spiritual journey because there's nothing wrong with the old spiritual paradigm just like having old text books are not useless but if they haven't been updated it's not extraordinary use extraordinarily useful does that make sense like if urine if you're in a class on geography and your book is from like hundreds of years ago and a teacher asks you a question and as a what country is at this coordinates and you open up that book and you go Pangea you're not gonna ace that shit are you name this European state Gaul no that's France right same thing with our spiritual textbooks our knowledge it's not wrong it's just old it needs to be updated so I talked about teachings I'm updating teachings for now so you're not spiritually looking for Pangea they're not trying to vacation in Gaul you've been updated so let's update something and here's one of the major misunderstandings of the old spiritual paradigm and again I'm just using terms now just again another aside I use terms like narcissists because it describes the kind of echoic patterning that a lot of us as energetically sensitive Souls have been hurt and affected by it's not to point fingers it's not name-calling it's none of that stuff it's just a way of identifying why people who you wanted to be loved by or unable to treat you in the way that you're able to act it's just an understanding at the same time especially now in this new millennium that word narcissist gets thrown around quite often doesn't it right I choked with Hay House because we were talking about book titles and I was just joking and you only knew you and you joke and you go hmm and I joked about I'm gonna write a book called they can't all be narcissus so before we kind of unpack this I just wanna I know unfortunately I'm not sure I want to go around the country teaching that for months so maybe I do I don't know but it's funny maybe an article I write that's that feels like as much time as I want to put them that or I'll teach this and this will be the YouTube video and then that will be that right and then the face button in the Facebook or YouTube narcissistic community will be all up in arms about me what would be the complaint from the narcissistic community about my video not the narcissists are very upset about the video you did it they're upset that it took away from time to focusing on themselves how dare I so before I go into this let's just have a really really simple heart standard way of really understanding the simple deficit narcissism narcissism is a condition now part of the problem is when were being compassionate for people's conditions we we also have an assumption that it's okay that they treat us the way they do okay that's the big misunderstanding because we're having compassion but we're being affected by them so we have to learn this really interesting level of communication where we say hey I have compassion can I totally see her going through something I'm not sure you mean to act this way but I'm being affected by your behavior I love you I'm sorry but I have to remove myself now do you feel that okay so we have compassion for conditions but we don't have to be victimized as if that's what it means to hold space for people the people that you are going to hold space for are the people that can actually be respectful in their healing and make it about their journey and not what's wrong with you as soon as they make it about you they're distracting from their journey so self-absorption is a tendency to focus on ourselves and not include the awareness that there are other people in this world right self-absorption is to focus on myself at the exclusion of others now to have your own space to have a little me time that doesn't mean you're excluding people that means you're going inward but to walk around this world and making it all about me and no awareness that there are other people also that's called self absorption it's a tendency to focus on you only you what you think what you feel what you believe at the exclusion of other people narcissism is not a tendency it's the inability to consider anything else but you does that make sense so some people in your lives don't have the inability to consider you they just have a tendency to make it all about themselves that's a tendency and some people have a extraordinary tendency right a talent a knack a propensity Klingon and the glass says what I me so some people in your lives are going through such deep healing crisis's now a lot of people in your lives don't know they're on a healing journey they don't know that they think healing is when you have a medical diagnosis they don't understand the ongoing and emotional psychological and spiritual energetic healing awakening expansion and transformation that literally starts occurring the moment you're born they don't know that so in not knowing that they are going through this accelerated spiritual awakening that is beyond the awareness of their human personality and so their ego is just focused on the optimi centric perception what adds to me what takes away from me does this person have anything for me oh they don't why am I talking to them what are you gonna do for me you're not gonna add to me why are we talking your my way you know that's just classic ego behavior that doesn't mean narcissist cuz that's just a tendency to focus on ourselves and that's just how we view life when we're incubating an ego and ego is just the soul in its most dormant state so we still respect the soul but it's on its way slowly but surely like a child having a tantrum when we go ahead one day you're gonna be a heck of an adult right now welcome to the show and we do it with compassion we don't blame the child and hold them accountable based on hula girl in 2000 adult-like a childhood found a tantrum and you go Johnny that's no way for an accountant to act because Johnny's got 20 years before it becomes that right that would be unfair so to look at someone going through an egoic episode honey honey honey that's no way for an ascendant master to be honey you have wings right so we hold space for others waking up out of the tendency of self-absorption and here's something else very interesting sometimes you're in relationships where it is imbalanced where you think you're being there for more than other people are being there for you at the same time today is the day of self-responsibility so I'm not gonna say this is true all the time I'm just gonna ask you to consider consider the fact that when you are totally aware of how other people are too self-absorbed to be there for you but that is actually a subtle perception of self-absorption as well because of seeing life through the lens of what about me instead of asking the question what do I need to take care of myself DC they can't all be narcissists it's a real cool term to throw around I talk about a condition called narcissism the inability to focus on anything else but yourself the inability right those people have a tendency and exaggerated tendency a well strengthened tendency it's clever it's crafty it's a lot of things but the inability the inability and that's pawns to God why I think on a spiritual level we have manifested such a president so that we can all we use this willy-nilly term narcisse's and he steps up and goes look let me just be the poster child and show you what it really looks like and we can just compare and contrast from this model what causes narcissism is profound amounts of time spent in a state of emotional neglect the greatest form of abuse now I I'm not going to say that physical and sexual abuse isn't the most extraordinary example cuz it is so there's two kinds of abuse to come risky jump all around but it all makes sense two kinds of abuse just like there's two aspects to the ego so it makes sense that when you your ego is shaped by how other egos have affected you that you would be shaped by two forms of abuse so in the ego structure there is the passive side the aggressive side the aggressive side of abuse is violence rape bless you violence rape assault captivity torture these types of things the aggressive side the passive side of abuse is called emotional neglect and sometimes we are the most traumatized not by what people do to us but by what they withhold does that make sense so oftentimes it's the act if the aggressive side of abuse that makes us into the victims it's the passive side of abuse called neglect that creates narcissist because it's think of the think of the play of opposites it is the passive abuse of neglect that turns someone into this aggressive character to always make it about that to make everything about them because early in their life someone didn't give them the attention that they needed there's two sides of a view is passive and aggressive one is being affected by what people do to us and then there's what people don't do for us when you are self-absorbed everything is what about me what about me this is what I need this is what I want and that's okay to have desires but do your desires run you to the point where you're unaware of other people around you that self-absorption narcissism is no awareness of anyone else and the inability to self reflect good minute they self reflect there are reasons for their behavior that make it okay right they started it but in the old spiritual paradigm one of the biggest misunderstandings is that there is one spiritual path that's a one-size-fits-all and that's not the way it is there are two different spiritual paths one for the energetically sensitive who has already in past lives or who was simply born not rooted in self-absorption and usually for the energetically sensitive beings we are the ones that start off in victimhood and from victimhood heal and become the hero of embodied heart centered consciousness so we go from victim to Lightworker now when you are someone who is going through that kind of a journey so it means that either in a past life or just you were born at a frequency where your surrender is going to be different if you are beginning your spiritual journey you are often gonna start off in some form of self-absorption or a pattern of narcissism and your surrender is going to be far different the old spiritual paradigm is actually more geared towards the self-absorbed narcissistic tendency and so we have been doing the old spiritual paradigm up to this point which is why a lot of the processes don't actually work let it go can be useful for a reformed self-absorbed being but for us we try to let it go and nothing happens because for you the version of letting go that you need is your feelings matter see how different that is so in the old spiritual paradigm they said there's one spiritual path one size fits all and it caused you energetically sensitive beings to feel bad about yourself that you can't quite do things right it's not that you can't do a riot say you're on the wrong path the path for a narcissus is actually a spiritual form of the 12-step program but for us there's a different path and the old spiritual paradigm you were taught that life's a mirror that all the stuff you see outside of you is reflecting what's unresolved in you now that was true the Buddha would sit around talking to his students and disciples and say how can I be the enlightened one when all these students must be reflecting the things I don't know that's not true Jesus would be on the cross going how could I call myself unconditional love when people are stoning me and hating me that's not true so we have to really look at life as a mirror in a different way so here's the new updated version 2.0 for energetically sense of the sauce alright so we can take our maps of Pangea sell them on eBay and update our files welcome to France right bye-bye Gaul welcome to France so life is a mirror the goodness in every person whether covered by layers of density or obviously shining out a transmission of energy however subtle or palpable it is to you it's a goodness and every person now there is goodness and every person it's just how deeply buried and suppressed is it by the pain of their past the goodness of every person is reflecting back to you the light of your soul the conditions you see in others that cause them to appear damaged and less than what you need them to be are all the things you've already resolved in yourself the old way says will if you see something in someone else that's really in you right someone's being mean to you why do I hate myself see that doesn't make sense that goes to self blame not self empowerment so the goodness in people reflects the light of your soul the conditions you see in people you can only notice the shortcomings when I say shortcomings I don't mean that as a judgement I mean the things people are working out in order to become their best it's not wrong to look at someone and say you know what you're amazing you're unique you have a lot of talents and that aspect of you need some buffing out that's not wrong that's just awareness the shortcomings the conditioning the patterns the unconsciousness and other people you're only seeing those exact things because those of things that have been in you by and large have been resolved you only can see what limits other people if it's already been healed in yourself does that make sense okay does that feel better I agree now how do you know when the things you notice and other people are still things being healed and you you have an emotional trigger there are layers to healing layers not just one moment many moments layers so there's this tendency to have one foot in the door of resolve and one foot in the door of evolution one foot in the light one foot in the dark and we've healed something to such a degree that we can become aware of the conditionings of other people to see it from that perspective but if it still triggers you on some level that means there's still something active in you that needs to be healed because other people only trigger and you what is there for you to be healed which is why when you have a reaction to someone else's behavior that's yours that's self responsibility and you go to someone going how can you do this to me now again I'm not talking about abuse I'm not talking about you get attacked by someone and you feel certain way and you go well I guess that's mine to heal the truth is what the attacker brings up emotionally is yours to give back and heal to make you better but that doesn't mean you deserve to be treated that way no one deserves to be treated in a disrespectful way we just happen to be living on a planet where beings are still learning about the evolutionary process so they're still unable to go through the cycle of evolution in an unconscious manner and if you're meant to catapult to a higher level of consciousness sometimes the darkest things happen to us just to uplevel us in the most extraordinary way and as you up level to extraordinary level of consciousness you will then be there to be in a position to heal other people who have been affected by the attacks of abuse just like the abuse that brought you to the new level of consciousness to free other people so it's not a judgment to look at someone in your life and go wow they keep going through this pattern and I see that they're really hurting and they keep missing this that's that's awareness and you have to decide if when they're going through that is that something that is complementary to your reality or is it taking away from the experience of you being whole onto yourself and to make that assessment is not a judgment that's empowerment to ridicule judge and renounce them in your mind to shame them for that how dare you act like that and because you act like that you don't get to be around me now we're judging you feel the difference so the things in you that we turn inward turn to the past and send back is because someone showed us yes you're able to see what someone else is learning because you have healed it to a certain point where their conditioning can reflect to you what you've already learned you've learned it so you're not lost in the me centric perspective of I you're actually seeing it in another you're seeing it from great space the space is the awareness like if you step back you see a bigger perspective you're seeing it in another person because you've healed some space in yourself it's not just lost here you see it here but there's still something to heal if you're triggered and it's not wrong to be triggered we have to kind of stop shaming ourselves we're being triggered let's make up a new term that we can abolish on this spiritual journey that's abolish trigger shaming right isn't like a book thing right now everyone's company shaming like that your beauty shaming I don't them shaming I heard one that was one of the funniest narcissistic inventions I had ever heard in my entire life and I had to sit back and I had to take ten minutes of my life and just roll on the ground laughing that someone pointed out to someone else they're rather abusive tendencies and the other person accused them of bully shaming how standing a new frontier of narcissism you know really when you point out how my words are affecting you and making you feel little it I think your bully shaming I really would love to be able to suppress you in a state of harmony what if that guy I thought you know what that's great that's great that's so ridiculous amazing I don't know if I it's eleven eleven it's eleven eleven after all it was just an example of how you know funny the narcissistic again just as consciousness has no end to how great it can be that conditioning if when not ready to heal there's no there's no end to how deep denial can go that's that's the example so I'm saying that's abolish trigger shaming trigger shaming meaning if you get triggered why shame yourself cuz to shame yourself for being triggered is to say someone's reminding me that I'm ripe and ready to heal something in my body and instead of actually saying yes to the healing I'm gonna actually hold on to what's ready to be healed and I'm gonna make up a bigger story of disempowerment about myself no no no I'm not gonna heal this I'm gonna hold onto it and turn it into a weapon and stab myself with it that's what triggers shaming is when you don't have the right to have a reaction instead of saying I didn't have the awareness to know what was bubbling up inside of me and this person showed me what I'm ready to resolve can we actually be that humble that's what self responsibility is all about because some people are so lost in the belief of what they think is true their blame blame blame and the emotional trigger says by the way this is your shit if you react to someone else's conditioning it's also yours why shame yourself why not just go okay thank you thank you for triggering the crap out of me only in a spiritual journey can we feel unsafe and think we're failing some pop quiz what got angry oh my god I got angry like you failed the present moment exam like you get emotionally triggered and out of out of out of a darkened corner Eckhart Tolle a step selves how dare you I dare you what time is it now good day I don't know why I made it totally gone for Hitchcock creative license like are you allowed to have like and here's the thing a lot of people will allow themselves be emotionally triggered but they're lost in believing that their viewpoint when they're triggered is correct and then their blames become a form of righteousness and that doesn't make us narcissist that makes us self-absorbed beings that's a moment would become self-absorbed instead of self-aware or self responsible when you're triggered that's yours as yours to facilitate greater healing does that make sense good that's why I did the practice with you at this retreat of just sitting because when the feeling bubbles up we don't have to jump in to blame when a question pops up we don't have to immediately ask sit with it sit with it be with your experience before bringing other people into it sit with okay I'm feeling some reaction okay there's an opportunity for me to heal what can I do with it what's the adjective to describe how I feel oh this feels like fury wow that's a big one whoo-hoo in my life may be furious that belongs to so and so I turn back I allow all the fury to be sent back to this person as blessings for their journey ahead wow I feel lighter Thank You person who triggered me do you see and you doing that process maybe not in the same room or the moment is the person that triggered you but here's the magic of unique consciousness you don't to do it the moment you get triggered that's another thing we try to do I have to be able to be perfect in the moment anytime you're triggered there's a layer being healed if the same feelings being triggered there's deeper layers to be healed and if the same person is triggering you keep doing the healing just work the process just work the process because if the same person is triggering you and you wonder why is the same person keep wises keep happening now we're going to self judge but we're not judging them we're judging ourselves we're judging the process and making into a problem remember that from day 3 or 2 or 1 or whatever though we'll just work the process what you're aware of in others is what you've already healed which is why you have the space and perspective to heal it what triggers you is what binds you to a level of consciousness that you are outgrowing we heal it by feeling in our body the trigger by asking ourselves what is the time in my life god bless you where I felt this emotion the deepest or the first time who is the character that helped bring this up in me I give this pattern back to them not as karma not as darkness but as blessings for the journey ahead I heal that lineage I contribute to the healing of the person in my life who triggered me and I free myself now by the laws of unity consciousness you don't have to do that healing in the heat of the moment any person that triggers you the moment you do that forgiveness process I just demonstrated you heal the lineage in yourself like I demonstrated and you also clear density and the person that triggered you so the healing work you do is also assisting the people that trigger you so if you're being triggered is cuz there's something in you that needs to be cleared and the people that are triggering you are waiting for you to clear it to lighten the loads they can be more conscious to learn to do that themselves so everyone's being helped everyone's being helped the cross-sections of how one thing heals all people is fantastic and incredible when you really understand it and so really the reason why we don't blame and judge is not because it's it's a spiritual no no it's because why would I take the time to develop greater self righteousness self judgment and self absorption when I actually know how to liberate myself and do so much to heal the planet why would I why would I say no to that opportunity sorry I can't help myself in the planet evolve I'm too busy building a case of judgment against someone else and feeling bad about myself that's not what you want to experience so I'm giving you the choice so you can start acting and being the way you want to be I'm not saying you should stop judging I'm saying what's the allure of judgment when all it is is a false level of protection that we talked about yesterday as the price of being right all you get is to be all alone and be right while on emotional fire burning in your own inner torment that's what we call hell and the Christ walks through hell and says are you ready to enter the light nope not yet still just smoldering in the heat of my own righteousness and the Christ walks away and comes back are you now ready to enter the light you see this is what the metaphor is and the Christ walks through the fire of hell untouched because self judgment and righteousness cannot touch the vibration of a being who is protected by the energy of self awareness and self responsibility because the christ walks through life and says beloved one let me heal your pain and if something arises in me thank you for showing me what's mine thank you for showing me what's mine thank you were for reflecting the light of my soul back to me by the goodness I see in you and if there's anything left in me that needs to be buffed out trigger me now and make it good trigger me now and life goes okay you're in a sacred partnership here with your beloved you come home and going there's a lot of things I need to process and in the middle of your deepest sharing life goes now let's make your partner yawn and then when you unpack all the things you want to share in your brilliant theory of why life is against you and you say honey baby what do you think what were we talking about triggered like a ninja right your partner okay you don't realize because you're so busy like just sharing you don't realize and life's like you know your partners is putting on their ninja outfit just getting ready to trigger you you don't even see it coming the only state coming here's a funny thought you couldn't imagine how spectacularly perfect anyone is when you need to be healed and triggered when you need to be healed and triggered life will turn anyone into anything that you need to feel what is within your being game fucking on and I'm and I'm not making light of it because it's it's deep it's painful it's the world will trigger you it's politics will trigger you it's everything and it gets real deep and it's real dark and it can get real intense so even if you're going through dark night of the soul when you're going through dark night of the soul it's not like I got trigger those good honey that's not it it's no it's the plight of the world it's literally I see the darkness affecting people and it's eating me alive that's a dark night of the soul and all of us are at various stages of evolution some of us are making our way through dark neither soul some of us are in the residential section of hell just looking for some sort of breath of air and perspective so whether we are just trying to figure out how to be the best partner with our beloved's whether we're just trying to figure out how to be aligned and more self-aware responsible and less judgmental or we are literally being eaten alive by the insanity of unconsciousness the process is what do you feel that's step number one what is the ad step number two what is the adjective to describe or define the way you feel no matter who triggered it what are you feeling how do we define it forget who triggered it once you're aware of what you're feeling what caused it disappears doesn't exist once you feel it we let go of the one who revealed it do you own a meme so once you're triggered you go oh I'm feeling boom the person that triggered it irrelevant doesn't matter cleared of charges when your attention goes off of blame and on to self responsibility you've just forgiven him without saying those words that's what forgiveness is pardon and set free the people that brought your attention to the healing at hand what are you feeling find an adjective to describe how you feel in your body angry sad jealous vengeful anything you will know what the feeling is because you will feel it you'll taste it and you'll define it with a word an adjective lonely regretful shameful pitiful ugly rejected once you define it step number three who in your life made you feel that the deepest or who is the first person to introduce that and if that if those if those two questions have to different people than we do the process with both you will always have in your past someone that was involved in your emotional upbringing so even if the person didn't cause it who are the characters present when I felt that the first there's always a character we're not blaming the character we're just pinpointing a character so we know where to send the energy we know the return address that's all we're looking for the return address so even if you go well this person didn't cause me to feel angry but they were present during the anger it's not their fault that you were angry it's their lineage you're healing does that make sense so step number one yes I'm triggered what am I feeling step number two define the feeling step number three who in my past copy you know and cause as a perception but just play it out who in my life was present when I felt that the deepest or the earliest and then I take the feeling and you say the words silently or outloud whatever works for you or you do it energetically however you're wired to be I allow these patterns of whatever the emotion is to be sent back to the source of its origin as blessings for their journey ahead that's it that's the whole process that's the process of forgiveness and again and a little bit we're gonna take some questions just let's work the process for a moment and as I'm speaking it to you you're feeling the process occurring as we unpack this you're actually feeling things be swept out energetically as I teach you the process that's the multi-dimensional nature of this offering I know this is probably bringing up questions and again we're gonna have time for plenty of questions and I love that because it's my pleasure and honor to serve you so deeply and decisively but just with this much so far that we've has been shared does this make sense does this help clarify the way we can start to live as conscious beings and not get swept up in the things we're here to heal thank you that's what I feel as well because day five is about look we have gone through a lot of emotional healing we've gone through a lot of clearing we've gone through a lot of expansion we've deepened a lot of relationships we've done a lot of incredible work in a short amount of time and now we have to prepare ourselves to return back to the wilderness of our present home and reality and all I want to do is give you some evolutionary camping equipment because some of us are in the jungle running around naked looking for berries I just want to give you some clothes some camping equipment there's a tent and let's just make our experience a little more pleasant do you mean little more pleasant little more pleasant here's why we are here to anchor heart-centered consciousness to help the world heal and to fulfill our mission as anchors and light bearers of a new reality but as far as our interpersonal lives are concerned do you know what that doesn't include calling people on their stuff instead we work our process now if people in relationships are acting in a way that is disrespectful or limited or is not feeling good to you we have conversations we communicate we talk about this happened and if there's any is there a way but maybe next time we you can talk to me this way I prefer it it would feel better to me we communicate our needs we don't share our blames we communicate our needs we don't share our blades so if you're gonna talk to your partner your friend your neighbor about something that you did not like or didn't feel good to you what I would say is we're not ready to share with others unless we bring with us a productive solution of a better way to do it because the communication is that I didn't like that and the question is well what is the better alternative so next time that you were setting them up for success don't shame them for their failures set them up for success if someone did something to you that didn't feel good you better have with you a better opportunity and solution so at least they can learn a better way of interacting with you and if the person becomes incapable of acting that out or is it uninterested in that more heart-centered option then that gives you a great perspective as to what role they may play in your life going forward so we set our relationships up for success by saying look if something is not feeling good let me help my partner my neighbor my lover my family my friends let me help them learn the way I would like to be treated and let me give them the opportunity to be a part of my world and if they can get it fantastic if it takes them a little bit of time we all have our own learning curve but we set people up for success because if you tell people what didn't feel good but you don't have a suggestion as to what would feel good then they're just left with oh my god I failed you and then there without the confidence to actually be there for you during the times when you're hurting the most so we set people up for success that's what communication is all about we communicate our needs we don't share our blames we work our inner process but not instead of communicating we work our inner process so to create a space so we can communicate diplomatically and in diplomacy we share our needs we make suggestions of what would feel good so we can all grow together just feel that for a moment let's feel that for a moment so when we're emotionally triggered someone is showing us what is ours to be healed and resolved now we can work the process and then still sit down with our partners and say look you did that and that triggered me and I know that's my stuff but if there's any way going forward if instead of maybe talking to me like that if we can talk to me in a different way that would really really mean a lot to me I mean do you see how diplomatic that is like look when you talk to me that way honestly a triggered the shit out of me all of a sudden you weren't you you were my mom and I was eight and I had a little bit of a freakout thank you for helping me clear some lineages of eight-year-olds thank you very much thank you that was awesome namaste but here's the deal if there's a way that when you talk to me you can communicate with me in this type of way and maybe say these kind of words it would really help me remember that you're my partner or not my mother that'd be awesome I would love that so I know you didn't mean to but I'm just trying to make this moment so that we can really understand each other like do you understand how diplomatic that is yeah that's how we learn to communicate we don't blame and refuses you the process we don't just do the process and refuse to communicate it's a balance of both and sometimes we learn the process but we get so entrenched in the process that we forget how to be human beings we are emotional beings and we're also expressive beings so we learn to become conscious we learn to communicate and it's a balancing of all these aspects and if we just take our time every moment will show us exactly what the moment is geared for sometimes we go inward or we clear a lineage and sometimes we come out of our inner experience and communicate our needs without sharing our blames now emotional trigger has a very obvious way of seeing what's yours that someone brings up in you judgment is the most subtle form of emotional trigger because you are avoiding feeling the trigger by being in a state of righteousness or self-absorption now then the subtle form of judgment that helps us avoid working the process and being humble and being present our healing journey in the subtle form is called gossip so to eliminate gossip which is an unconscious tendency it's an avoidance of self-responsibility here's the new rule of engagement we talk to people not about people if you are if you see something and you're not ready to talk to someone work your inner process and there's nothing wrong with talking to someone else going I need some I want to talk to this person about this issue but I don't how to talk to them when you're appealing to someone else you're saying does your insight have any insight for me as to how I can approach this situation I want to communicate I want to share my needs but I think I'm just gonna go in to blame can you assist me when we're talking to other people were asking for help when we are gossiping or just swapping judgments we talk to people not about people that's extraordinarily important even when I see what happens on the news I don't tell anyone what I see do you know why I'm not their salesman I'm not about their salesmen I'm not gonna watch something ridiculous and walk around my world good could you believe what's happening I don't work for them I don't work for them I'm employed by the light so that's what I talk about so that's we have to decide who do we work for and when we work for the light we talk to people not about people that's self responsibility feel the strength from that feel the character in that feel the pride in that feel look feel the you know what I feel good about me I feel good about me I know I'm learning how to communicate I'm taking responsibility for what gets triggered in me whether it's being triggered by someone at the store whatever it's being triggered by anything will trigger you when it's time to heal and the reason why the rules of the spiritual paradigm even the old is go within at just means when it's your - he'll know what to do the people that blame persecute and shame and act the way that is so hurtful do you know what these people who are so aggressive and so conditioned and so ugly sometimes in their behavior do you know what they're actually just demonstrating to the world I am going through the depths of the healing journey and I have not been taught how to heal when someone's acting inappropriately they're saying I don't know how to heal that's why I shared the process with you what am I feeling what's the adjective who do I associate that to give it back and clear the lineage and even sometimes in a moment like this I can walk you through the process and some of us are actually feeling like this stewing energy we heard the process and right now we're not actually doing the process so let's try it right now together either the emotion you have the hardest time dealing with or the most difficult feeling you're having right now what are you feeling or the thing that gets between you and the people you love the most you know pick any one they pick whatever question resonates don't do all of the questions just the one that resonates the most size are gonna be the shitstorm right now the thing that always shows up most often or the thing that gets between who you love the most what's that feeling I'll even extend the process can you find in your body where it resides can you actually locate it right now where is it I'll just extend the process to make this more vivid for us where is it in your body does it have a shape or a color a texture a smell located in your body if you can and if it seems to be largely in your body let's just make it a bigger area maybe it's not just a chakra maybe it's my torso some of us maybe it feels against as big as the whole world just locate it just notice it notice the color the shape the texture just become aware of this is what our crazy crazy world is trying to bring your attention to why should we ask ego consciousness to work so hard thank you for showing me this this is mine to heal and it's mine to heal because it's mine to give back now who in your past caused you to feel this the deepest or was the first person to introduce it we're just finding a return address for not projecting blame and we say out loud I allow all of those who conditioned me to feel this way to be pardoned and set free as I send these patterns back to the source of origin as blessings for their journey ahead and to clear all lineages of ancestry with whom they belong and so I am forgiven to be forgiven is to be the one who won packs the conditioning and returns it back as blessings to clear the lineage I am the one taking responsibility for what's been triggered in me I'm the one who has successfully sent it back I am forgiven doesn't mean you did something wrong I am forgiven means I'm the one that took responsibility for what arose in me I'm the one that sent it back I'm the one that cleared the lineage and I am the one who is self responsible in a moment that mattered most for the well-being an evolution of an entire planet that's what it means to be I am forgiven which means I'm lighter as a result of this process of self responsibility and all we have to do is make sure the things that trigger us aren't consuming our attention from the process at hand feel how deep that was and the only caveat is that sometimes you'll do the process and you'll feel a little bit of lightness but the feeling will still linger and all that means is that you will send it back but the feeling says the feeling says I'm that deep feeling inside of you that's been judged so often that I'll go but I just need a little time to hang around so then we do 'simply we have we have a little sidebar process which is we sit with the feeling the child knows it's time to go to sleep time to go to the light but it's just it's just not quite ready and it's fighting okay honey sit with me for a few moments have a glass of water and when you're a kid and you want to go to sleep and you try to do anything to just to stay up no no no I need a glass of water and your parent goes I'll give you with that one thing honey here's a glass of water let's have a glass of water together so if the feeling if you do the process and the feeling goes not so fast that means I have to sit with this I have to sit with this and just let it be the angry hurtful child that gets to be with the parent or attention that never had remember what's the most passive form of abuse emotional neglect and the triggers inside of you are either the angry dark emotions of caring with you other people's energy from their aggressive unconscious tendencies or the residue of how much attention you didn't receive and that neglect is healed by being present with ourselves so we worked the process if he feels lighter fantastic and if there's still like the oh I'm still angry or I'm still mmm so in this moment you might feel lighter by the process we did yeah here's my next question to you is there something that is still lingering in you probably find it in your body describe it with an adjective does it have a color does it have a location does it have a shape does it have a texture then we sit with it remember it can be the same because we clear it and send it back and then if it's still there we go oh well this needs me to sit with it let's sit with it right now and all I want you to do is not try to make it soft I just want you to be the softness around it be the softest space for it to be let your emotions right now be harsh let them be angry let them be vengeful just be the softness around it that says it's okay I'm not trying to I'm not trying to not hear you I'm not trying to control you I'm just gonna give you a safe place to be it's okay it's okay and even if it's even if it has a voice that says it's not okay you're right it's not okay and that's not that's not condescending we're allowing it to be right it's not okay you just said it's not okay so now we update our files it's not okay it doesn't have to be okay but I'm going to be with you it doesn't have to be okay we just have to sit with it while it's not okay because it doesn't feel okay because of the ongoing memory it's looped in but you are okay with sitting with it that's the only one who has to be okay is the one sitting with it it doesn't have to be okay it's a memory it only knows past you are the observer of the present you can be okay with that which isn't okay that's the distinction of awakened consciousness if the observer holding the innocence of a memory like a parent embracing a child are you the child being held or are you the observer holding it make that clear distinction and maybe it feels like a little bit of both that's okay we sit we sit and we relax and we let the feeling have the undivided attention and never had before we've sat in this retreat and now I'm making it functional so it's actually a tool for you bless you sit with the feeling you ever seen an expectant mother who's mm-hmm you know however many months away from giving birth and what do you often see a mother doing just sitting with her hand on her belly just connecting with her child why can't we do the same thing a pregnant woman is expecting a child but what your birthing is a moment of transformation that's what you're expecting maybe the water hasn't broken away yet just like a mother who doesn't have to go god I can't wait for this to be out of me maybe sometimes that's the case but the mother can sit there and go out I I cannot wait for this one to be born why can't we sit here with our hands on our belly and go I cannot wait for this to be healed not to get away from it but the excitement like it like a like a newborn baby is gonna be born and that newborn baby is your expanded consciousness oh my god there's a newborn consciousness birthing within me I can't wait for this to dawn I'm so excited I'm just gonna sit here as an expectant parent just being with that which is being healed oh my god this is this is so exciting I get to be with the things that countless generations couldn't deal with do you know strong that makes you that we're healing and sitting with the things that have eluded the consciousness of countless generations there are infinite bloodlines of families that have certain accomplishments that bought land that built things that took things from nothing from a field of wheat and made towns that's incredible but somehow didn't have the emotional intelligence to sit with this feeling right now you are doing what they could never do it wasn't their time to figure it out and you're doing it for them and for yourself there are beings that have invented vaccinations that have eliminated polio and this was the very thing they could get right look at what your accomplishment is look at the history of conflict and war without the whole political storyline and what caused people's and families to battle each other and to fight each over other over land and resources and not work together as a community but be in conflict because they couldn't do this they couldn't feel uncomfortable and just sit with it and say I will heal this by transforming neglect into emotional freedom by being present which with that which cries out for me do you know how big of a deal this is this is the healing option that gossipping blaming and complaining will never provide you instead they are just opportunities to go out if I'm gossiping complaining and blaming I am obviously triggered on a very subtle level let me sit down and take responsibility and heal the lineages in the cells of my body that are crying out to be set free from their cycles of abuse let me free some beings right now and may I be the one that leads by example may I set some free some beings free right now and may it begin with me because if you think anything in this world is gonna change politically or physically first it changes vibrationally first and then we have the space at capacity to create new rules laws agreements and so forth it all begins within so we are creating a new infrastructure for an enlightened civilization by clearing the space for a new land to dawn and the space we are clearing is called our cellular body and the roadmap to clearing your cellular body so another acreage of land opens for our new world to be created occurs through the map of our emotional intelligence by knowing the process to work and people that work this process what is their identity I am forgiven I am the one who liberates all not the one who needs to be liberated and the one who is forgiven the one who works the process does not live and regret spiral in gossip be instigated in the blame be coerced into conflict instead they walked this planet knowing if I get triggered that's mine too clear cuz I am forgiven and if someone has a problem with me let me forgive them someone maybe you're not triggered but you're in the presence of someone who's acting in a way that says I am healing and I don't know what to do that's what meanness is now you'd have to stay in the moment with them remove yourself and then we work the process as masters even if you're not triggered but just to say maybe what I do will help them maybe maybe not but why not just give it a shot what was I feeling from them boy I was feeling a lot of judgment where in my life did I feel the deepest judgment or the first judgment who are the characters send it back blessings of the blessings ahead clear more of a lineage and by the laws of unity consciousness if that ricochets out of my heart and opens them up so that they go home and don't beat their children and abuse their partner well thank God I got to be a light worker that's the potato that's the potential of this is rather extraordinary what had that person was mean to me it didn't really emotionally trigger me so I really don't have anything I need to do but let me choose to do the process on their behalf so that maybe they go home and don't take it out on innocent people that's how we become spiritual superheroes that's how we become a part of the solution instead of being engulfed in the pain of the problem right what is what is the problem say the problem so big I can't see a solution in sight that's why I teach you the inner process because the solutions not here it's in here sometimes the solutions out here people are mean and nasty and insufferable pack your bags and go there's a solution check into your local Marriott shelter friend's house couch-surf and work your process just feel it's been offered today in this first morning session and we've gone from again feel how much more clear everything is right now you know what I've prepared you to do I've prepared you to interact with other human beings in a much more mindful and conscious way because now other people can be exactly who they are but you know the rules of engagement you have the right to not be around anyone for whatever reason they can be the most spectacular high vibrational being and if you need some space to just be by yourself create a boundary why blame why judge when all that does is make you more into a person who needs to work a process of forgiveness instead of being I am forgiving forgiving I am try this I am forgiving forgiving I am that's the confession of saying I am a light worker I am here working the process to bring the solution not to perpetuate the problem I am the light the light I am I am the light the light I am I am the light the light I am I know I just switched I forgot what we're doing I'm the light the light I am I am the light the light I am I am forgiving forgiving I am why are we forgiven because I am the light the light I am the minute you realize that you're in the light all your human past is done I am the light the light I am I am forgiven forgiven I am I am forgiven forgiven I am I am forgiven forgiven I am I am forgiven forgiven I am I am forgiven forgiven I am I am the light the light I am I am the light the light I am I am the light the light I am I am the light the light I am let's feel that you

Channel: Matt Kahn All For Love

Views: 211,674

Rating: 4.8530335 out of 5

Keywords: spirituality, yoga, meditation, Matt, Kahn, chakra, starseed, Pleiadian, Buddha, Consciousness, Lightworker, Energy, Healer, Enlighten, Spiritual, Awake, Cosmic, Angels, Eckhart, Tolle, Mooji, Adyashanti, mystic, spiritual, teacher, sound, true, awakened, consciousness, inspirational, Wayne, Dyer, Deepak, Chopra, oprah, winfrey, Hayhouse

Id: nvBCal-MbgI

Length: 96min 35sec (5795 seconds)

Published: Tue May 08 2018