The Pixie and the Mosh Pit (Ep. 5) | Fantasy High

- "Johnny, we gotta do it, man. "They're gonna get away!" - I'd like to rip a sick U-turn. - The car fully fishtails and flips. (tires screeching) - Stand dead center of the highway, trying to like, watching his motorcycle move. (imitating motorcycle crash) - Johnny is over the handlebars, (makes crashing noises) Johnny Spells is dead. - Write your motorcycle in inventory, dude! (group laughs) - You guys see that a little car pulls up. "Do you guys need a ride into town?" - Yeah, can we swing by the ice cream place again? - Master Drither, we will conquer this world of mortals and send their souls to hell. - Yes, yes, in due time, Bike. Now, to the ice cream shop. (laughs) (epic high school marching band plays) - Hello and welcome back to Fantasy High. My name is Brennan Lee Mulligan. We're back with our intrepid adventures here, in the town of Elmville, in the nation of Solace, in the world of Spire. Last we left our heroes, they flipped a car doing 85 on the highway. - Oh, we were goin' faster. I think we were goin' faster. - And now we find ourselves at Basrar's Soda Fountain, a wonderful little white and silver soda fountain shop. Little ice cream. There is a icy, windy djinn, who has a little smokey tornado below the waist, who's behind the counter, making malts and milkshakes, and stuff like that. Big ol' handlebar mustache, icy blue skin. Got a crisp white shirt, little bow tie, a little paper hat. There's a couple people here enjoying a nice sundae, a banana split, maybe some kind of icy confection. You guys are all seated in a corner booth. Some of you are having your second milkshake of the day. (laughs) You are all covered in insane road rash and blood and other things like that, but you're, you know, mostly okay. - How did my Doreen's fishnets hold up? - [Brennan] Perfect. The fishnets are golden. - Wow, hell yeah. - You find yourself coming out of the shock. Looking at each other now, you hold onto a couple of objects that you recovered at the very end of the insane car chase with Johnny Spells and his tiefling greasers. You have his little black book. Which once again, I'll tell you what his little black book has. It has phone numbers of a bunch of people, but the important names are Sam Nightingale, very recent. Penny Luckstone, Katya Cleaver, Sam Nightingale, I've already said, Danielle Barkstock, and Antiope Jones. Most of his little black book, there's a planner section of it, where it has that last Friday of the month tea time. Most of the planner is filled up with various rehearsals. So, we have dance rehearsals. There's a jazz section. There's hip hop section. - Is the word daddy-o in there? - [Brennan] The word daddy-o's in there a lot. - Daddy-O, ah! - His schedule's rigorous in there. Also, you see that there's a number of these that are crossed out which are new, unlabeled phone numbers that have a PIN and an activation code. So these new, crossed out numbers. A lot of them are crossed out. There is one on the last written page that is not crossed out. Additionally, you guys also got this little switchblade, which you still haven't opened. Which your detect magic highlighted as the source of his infernal powers. You also have a sealed in plastic wrap crystal. A fresh crystal, unopened and unactivated. I'm trying to think if you got anything else from him. No, I believe that's it. Oh, I am wrong. You got the scratched up, scuffed, palimpsest. The big fuckin' thing. You guys have a palimpsest that has some kind of spirit, soul, something trapped inside of it. - Can anybody detect what is inside this thing? - I can try. - Somebody not Gorgug. - Well, I, yesterday during the fight, cast identify on it. And essentially, this is a crystal whose all of the identifying nature of it has been scraped off in some way. And then trapped inside it is a girl. - What? - I don't know. It seems very odd. I don't know how a person could get trapped inside a crystal - Could you talk to her? - No, she just was sad inside it. - So, there's just a girl pressed up against the edge of this crystal? - You're saying that as if we don't live in a world where magic is possible. - Okay, well, alright. I've just never experienced putting people inside of small balls. - You can put people inside of all kinds of things. I just have never seen this. - I threw up in your backpack, yesterday. Today, this morning. - I mean that's not the same. I feel like you're trying to make that sound analogous when it's really not. - I'm a goblin. - Basrar wends his way. (makes swooshing noises) Torandoing, dust deviling through the fountain shop. Comes up with a whole bunch of ice creams and things. "Ah, my friends! "Welcome, one and all. "Here you go. "Can I get you anything else? "Simply say the words and your wish is my command." - I spike my milkshake. - "That is not allowed in here." (laughs) - Could you not wait 30 seconds for him to go away? - Fine, fine, I'll put it back. I try to poor the milkshake back in. - "Mmm, gross." Okay. - Also, doesn't that blouse have friend spell cast on it? - I keep almost dosing myself. - "Alright, well, I hope everything else is good. "Let me know if I can get you anything at all." - Thank you, so much. - [Group] Thank you! - "Yes, and of course, yes?" - Can I do a perception check on this guy? - [Brennan] Sure. - I don't like his attitude. - 'Cause he told you not to drink in his soda shop? - Yeah, I don't know about him. It's gonna be 14. - I assume this is like an insight check, right? - Yeah, I wanna get a read on this guy. - He has a deep sadness about him. (empathetic sobbing) - Um, what's up with you man? - "What? "I am good, I am good." - How's business? - "Business is great. "No overhead because, of course, "I can make all the ice cream in the world "with wishes, so." - What about the family life? How's that goin'? - "It's good." - Thank you so much for this ice cream. - [Ally] Thank you much. Hey, if you wouldn't mind, I am starting a prayer chain. If you want to just fill out this card, I'll add you to my prayer chain. - Go ahead and make a persuasion check for me. - You're rolling a D12. - Oh, thank you. (laughing) You saw that, too, but you couldn't say anything. Nat two. - That's a two. - And so he goes, "That is okay. "I am a creature made of elements. "The gods are meaningless to me. "When I die, my soul will turn into pure icy wind, "and my consciousness will evaporate. "And eventually my story will be gone forever." - Yo, that is so metal. I tip him (laughing) - Hold on, what was that last part? - [Brennan] "Sorry?" - I'm gonna pray for you, for all of that stuff. - "My story?" - Story will be gone forever? - "If you guys want any ice cream, "you can come up to the counter!" - [Zac] Thank you, Basrar! - "Very good, okay." (makes whooshing noises) He heads back over. - [Brian] What's his story right? - Yeah, right? - But anyways, I don't know anything about crystals but maybe your A/V club freaks will know something? - Maybe. - Can they hack these crystals? - Kristen, can you see if it's evil or something? Or it that's a friend that's in there. - Yeah, yeah! I will cast. I have detect magic and I think I have-- - Can you detect evil? - Detect good and evil. - Cool, yeah, I'll cast detect good and evil on this. Wait, didn't we already do that? - I did detect magic and that's how I saw that the girl was trapped inside of it. - I think we just wanna make sure this isn't a demon person. - Yeah, I would love to not let a demon person escape from a crystal unless it's (mumbles). - You go ahead cast detect good and evil on it. You detect neither alignment. The creature trapped within here, either is obscured from your magic's vision or it does not possess a powerful aura of either celestial or infernal magic. - [Ally] Hmm, okay. - So, it might just be a regular person. Can I investigate it? - [Brennan] Sure, go for it. - Cool. That is a 23. - You investigate it. It is a powerful piece of arcano-tech. It's been really banged up. Some powerful magic has occurred on this. You see that part of the scratching and fracturing of the crystal is what's keeping the soul inside here, if that makes sense. It's like a funhouse, right? So deep within all the cracks that have been created in the crystal, it's created something has almost more holding capacity. It's like when someone jailbreaks a phone or if somebody were to go in and like, but a magical version of that. Something's been done to this that has fucked with the original mechanisms that were supposed to keep the thing safe. - Yeah, we need that A/V club. - So, we gotta get this person out. This might be one of the missing girls. - Sure, and if that's the case, maybe we should, I don't know, give this to the police. Or someone more or better suited to handle this. We're going give the possible soul of a girl to a bunch of nerds? - Why are you such a goody two-shoes? - I'm not a goody two-shoes. I don't wanna. What are we doing? I mean, we're all currently in an ice cream shop, covered in blood, with the soul of a person. - Yeah, and we're gonna save it. - You guys see that Bud, the dad of the halfling family speaks up and says, "Now, the problem with going to cops, of course." - Is he sitting at the table with us? - You guys have forgotten that they're here, the whole halfling family, that drove you here in the car. They're called the Cubbys. It's the Cubby family. - [Zac] Very cute! - Bud Cubby speaks up and says, "The problem, of course, "that you go to cops is that there's just no counting "on them to do the right thing. "There's some good cops, of course, "but mostly police are enforcing the status quo, right? "And that's mostly gonna benefit the people who are already "in power." - Have you had personal experience with this? - You see that his wife, Daisy, speaks up and says, "Oh yeah, for sure, for sure. "Listen, ya know, people get a real bad rep "from those police officers. "Ya know, halflings don't get the worst of it "'cause we have that model minority thing goin' on "but we certainly aren't. "People say halflings have sticky fingers. "We get looked at when little trinkets go missin' "and stuff like that, so, you know." - Do you send your kids to school? - [Brennan] "Oh, sure." - Okay good, just checking. - [Brennan] "The whole family goes to Mumple. "We're all Mumple people." - Oh, cool. - [Group] Great! - What do you do? What is your job? - "What do I do? "Oh, I work as a waitress over at Krom's." - That's great. - I live right near there. I've been there a lot whenever I'm fightin' with my mom. - [Ally] Bitch. - [Emily] Not you. - You see that they look at you, and make a sad face at each other and pat your arm. You see Bud says, "And I'm a postal worker. "I work for the post office." - Interesting. - Well, thank you. - Can I do an insight check just to make sure they're not secret demons or somethin'? Oh, that's a what? That an eight. - I wanna make an insight, too. - [Brennan] Yeah, go for it. Everyone go ahead and make it. - Oh, I got a five. - I got a 19, plus four. - I got a nat one. - You do not think that they are demons. You see Bud says, "The problem here is, of course, if you go the cops, right, and you get a real snake, then all of a sudden he's gonna get his buddies on the inside. They're gonna hold that thin blue line there, and you're gonna be in whole heaping, helping of trouble." - You guys are just so innocent in everything you're saying. It feels like if shouldn't come out of your mouth. - You see that Bud and Daisy look at each other and say, "Listen, we're law abiding citizens. "We don't don't belong to the thieves guild. "We're not any kind of nothin' to be worried." You see that Bud says, "Now, what you could do is you can make an anonymous call "to the cops, right? "You get one of them to show up and you bag 'em, right? "Throw a sack over his head real quick." - I think it's cool that these halflings and anarcho-socialists. I think it's very cool. - Yeah, that's what I'm definitely sitting here thinking. - Sorry, are you suggesting-- - "I'm not advocatin' that you kill a cop, alright? "I'm not advocatin' that you put a pig down, "I'm sayin', what you should do--" - Okay! (group nervously chatting) - My mother is a cop, good sir! - "Alright, well, ya know." - Thank you so much for these creams and for picking us on the side of the road. - I kind of agree with you, though. - You see, (laughs) he looks over and he says, "Well, I hope you kiddos enjoyed the ice cream. "That's on us, of course. "Yeah, I'm sorry, "I gotta insist, alright? "You guys flipped that car, and I just want you to know "That I'll be fucking dead in the ground before I say something to anybody, alright?" - We appreciate that. - Can I do an insight check on my ice cream 'cause right now I feel like they might just a little cyanide capsule in there. - I think these guys are just ride or die. - Yeah, I think they're just ride or die, okay. - If we ever need to go to the post office, sir, we will come to your window - Yeah, actually, it's great to know because perhaps someday we might need someone who's connected like you. - "That's for sure. "Take it down from the inside. "All right, later guys!" - [Group] Bye! - Take it down from the inside? - That was a wake-up call. - Well, I feel like the A/V Club is maybe still the best bet. - Yeah, I think we wanna hang onto this because we don't want it to just get thrown in to evidence. - Oh, Kristen, can you do a detect good and evil on this warlock switchblade that seems to have a lot of terrible. - It's definitely evil. Here, I'll do a detect evil. I grab it. Yup, it's evil. (laughing) - Don't be such a bitch about it. - You're right, that was uncalled for. I'm sorry, man. - Did you do identify? I think you only did identify on the-- - Oh, yes, I only did it on the palimpsest. - [Brennan] Gotcha, cool, cool, cool. - I'll cast. I will ritual cast identify on the switchblade then. - Cool, so you take 10 minutes to start examining (makes swishing noise) through your little arcane runes. - Don't steal my milkshake while I'm doing this. - I've already drank it. (slurping noises) - I leave to go to the bathroom for a little while. - You go to the bathroom. You come back. At the end of that 10 minutes, you guys see that Adaine has looked down at the device and suddenly you hear, "Ahh, yes, what we are looking "at here is a switchblade comb!" You see that instead of a knife coming out, a little comb pops out. - Oh, that's so much lamer. - "This is the phylactery of Johnny Spells, "also know as a pact boon. "This magical item serves as a symbol "of the promise made between Johnny Spells "and his benefactor. "The demonic prince who granted him all of the power "for his spell casting." - Is there any way that we can destroy it without releasing the demonic powers within it? - No, Adaine, ask who his benefactor is! It might be my dad. - Who's the benefactor? Isn't your dad another tiefling? - No, my dad's a demon. - Oh, okay. - We don't know how high up the chain he goes. - "The benefactor of this particular warlock's pact, "was Gorthalax the Insatiable, a fallen angel. (group mumbling) "Originally, an angel of Sol, the sun god, "who fell during the reign and fall of Calvaxis, "Emperor of the Red Waste." - Oh, so it's one of yours. - Whoa! - I didn't tell you guys this, but when I hid after the giant corn monster fight, some of the cops were looking at the crime scene and they were talking about how it wasn't arcane magic, that it was holy magic. That it must have been made by a fallen angel or something like that. So, this is all starting to add up. - "However, there would have certain taboos of behavior, "as a part of the pact made with Gorthalax the Insatiable, "as well as a need to fulfill to certain obligations "in order to maintain a hold of the switchblade comb. "This has been another use of the identify spell." - The identify spell is the lamest person. - Did it just almost plug its Instagram at the end? It looks like a weird slug. - Wait, what was it that needed fed in? Can the identify tell what had to be plugged into the switch comb, in order to keep it going? - Well, he couldn't fuck, right? - Oh, he couldn't fuck! - Clearly, he couldn't fuck. Okay! - So, he's just a no fap guy? He's getting his power from no fap? - He's getting his power from no fap, but maybe it also has something to do with the missing girls 'cause they're all in his little black book. - He might have to offer up. - He offers up the women that he wants to sleep with. So he wants to sleep with the women and then he can't, 'cause he has to offer them as a sacrifice. - That is so twisted. - I'm also no fap. - I really hope Gorthalax isn't my daddy. - We assumed as much. - [Zac] Should we go? - Yeah, I guess. - I mean, it's the middle of the night. Can we go? It's the A/V Club. - Let's go to bed? - A/V Club tomorrow. - Yeah, first thing tomorrow. - I'll see you guys at the A/V Club. - Cool, well, hey guys, like, look. I know I don't wear my heart on my sleeve. I know I'm hard to read. I'm like a locked book or whatever. - No, we get it. You just have a lot of daddy issues and do a lot of rebel stuff. - You're very on the surface about it. - I'm listening from halfway the door is opening. - One headphone on. - I just wanna say like, I thought you all fought really valiantly, and like, I was honored to drive down the highway of life with you. Okay, bye, that's enough. I run away. (door slamming) - From the soda fountain, you run as fast as you can? - Highway of life? - I was gonna say thank you and that I agreed that I was glad we're friends but. - She's tearing off down the street. - There she goes, gone. She's fast. - You see Basrar comes over and says, "So I hope that everything has been wonderful this evening. "We will be closing up soon. "I noticed that your friend sprinted out "of the ice cream shop. "So I hope everything is okay." - Can I ask you a magical question? I don't want to impose. - "Certainly! "You can ask me anything. "I will do my best. "I want you to know, though, that if you are going "to ask for a wish, I can grant any wish you want. "It just has to be ice cream, okay?" (laughing) - Thank you, I've already had a lot of ice cream today. - "Okay. "Some people get really upset "when you can't do non ice cream things." - What about if I wish for ice cream later, so that at a certain point-- - I wanna do that, too. (laughing) - I just get an ice cream? - "If you'd like to wish for ice cream later "at an undetermined time, "yes, I can do that." - Then I would like to wish for us all to get ice cream later at an undetermined time. - "You will all get ice cream later "at an undetermined time." (loud thunder clapping) - Make sure I'm in on that! - I said all of us. - Good, okay, I'm not here. - You see that a little (imitates wind blowing) of frosty magic comes and circles around you as you run down the street. - What the fuck? Is this what friendship feels like? (laughing) - Here's my secret. I was going to wish for ice cream anyway. - "That's very nice. "I hope that's true." You see he (imitates wind blowing) whisks behind the bar, and you just hear deep sobs from the kitchen of the soda fountain. Cool. You guys head out? (group agreeing) You guys head out. The next day you guys arrive back at school. It's day three. - Meeting at the A/V Club? - I'm certainly going. - Before we go in, I have a present for Gorgug. - Cool. You're out on the steps. People are arriving that morning. - Hey, Gorgug, before we go in because you know I can't be seen with you. (laughs) - Oh, I didn't know that. - No, remember. 'Cause I sold you out. - I guess I didn't think it meant you couldn't see me ever. - Right, yeah. Well, I just thought it was really cool that you, I feel like you look really scared. Don't be scared. - I'm not scared. Okay, go for it. - I just, you know, I liked that you were trying to sing. I think it's the right direction that your family members want you to sing to channel your rage. But I was thinking maybe music is right, but the medium is wrong. So, I got you some drumsticks. - Just drumsticks? - Yeah! - Just to sing songs? - No, I thought you could get into drumming. - Oh, okay, I never tried it. - There's no pressure. - Awesome. - I just wanted to give it to you, that's all. - Thank you. (laughing) - Maybe you should take a class or something. - All right, thank you. I just keep walking like this - You don't have to drum right now, man. - You put 'em in your back pocket and it looks cool. - I'll sit on them and I'll break 'em in half but I do have them. - [Ally] Yeah. Alright. - You guys walk into the halls of the Adventuring Academy, here day three. You hear Vice Principal Goldenhorde come over the PA, "Welcome, welcome back to day three "here at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy. "Nobody died yesterday, "so big plus, as far as we're concerned. "Let's keep it going, gang. "And everyone enjoy your classes." (high pitched microphone feeding back) - We did murder someone, though. - And a bunch of his friends. - I can't believe we didn't get in trouble for that. - Oh yeah. - We just crashed a car. - You guys walk through the halls. Gorgug, you're going to your locker and you see that there is a young woman at the locker next to you. You see that she got sorta like hanged bangs in front of her face, and he's got a weird sweater that's a little to big for her, and she's got goat legs and a little pair of horns that come up. You that she opens a locker next to yours, looks up at you and goes, "Oh, "cool drumsticks." - Oh, um, thank you. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna learn to play sometime soon. So, I have 'em. - "Sick, that's cool. "You're one of the six kids, "who the freaky thing happened to, right? "Rumor started that the six of you were "in detention when that thing attacked." - Can I make an insight? - [Brennan] Yeah, go for it. - 20! (laughing) - You have never guessed correctly when somebody likes you before, and you have some reason to believe that you might be a thimble full cool to this person on this occasion. - I mean, yeah, I guess that was us. (giggling) Yeah, it was kinda crazy, I guess. I start trying to do my combination on my locker. - Go ahead and give me a sleight of hand check. - Four plus one. - As you are talking about how cool you are, you cannot get the combination to your locker open. - So yeah, pretty wild day that was. (combination lock clicking) - "That's awesome. "If you ever, I don't know, like. "I am thinking about trying the barbarian class "at some point but it seems, like, not for me, "I don't know, or whatever." - Yeah? (stuttering nervously) Well, okay. I'm in a barbarian class. I'm a barbarian class. - "Really? "Wow, that's awesome. "I'm still figuring out kinda what I'm gonna be." - Totally. - "Are you having trouble with the--" - I'm just playing with it. Can I make a bluff check? - Yeah, go ahead and make a bluff check. (laughing) - What is that? Which one would that one be? - Deception. - Deception. Oh, just a seven. - She looks at you and goes, "Oh, rad! "I play with a lot of locks too." - It's just being funny. - You hear a voice behind you say, "You know what's funny?" and your head gets smashed into the locker. - Oh, god! Oh no! - You take nine points of damage. And you see that Rog Barcrok is behind you and goes, "That's what you get you fuckin' freak! "This kid's a fuckin' freak! "Hangs out in the fuckin' parking lot "and steals backpacks, dude! "What do you fucking do? "You jerk off in 'em, you fuckin' jerk off freak?" - I don't do that. - (moaning wildly) "That's you, dude! "That's what you're like." - I'm really mad but that's okay because this song is about being mad and that being fine. (sighs) - You see that Rog trembles as he realizes that you just tried to sing at him. And all of his bully neurons are firing. He's almost having a stroke as he (rapid gasping) realizes the opportunity that is presented to him, he looks at you and says, "Did you just fuckin' "sing at me dude?" - (sighs) I-- - "This kid fuckin'." He grabs you. Woo-hoo! He grabs you and hurls you across the hall. - Sheesh! - Into the other lockers. (loud banging) "This guy fuckin' sings when he gets his ass kicked, dude! "He's like a fuckin' jack in the box, dude! "You fuckin' hit him and he pops out "and sings a fuckin' song! - Alright, I go into a real rage. (laughing) - You see that Rog fully joins you and leaps. You go ahead and make an oppose athletics check. - Nat 20. - Ooh! - Uh, you. What do you want to do to, what do you want to do to, well you're in a rage, so yeah, awesome, what do you want to do to Rog as a result of that nat 20? - Use everything on him. - I'm just going to cartoonishly spin him around and throw him down the hallway. - Fuckin' pants him, dude. - You fuckin' (makes deep whirring noises) he goes fucking flying as a bunch of students gather around. He lands, ass over tea kettle, looks up, bloody nose, and he goes, "This guy's a fuckin' freak. "He fuckin' threw me down the hallway. "This guys a fuckin' maniac." - Are you cryin'? - "Dude, this guy fuckin' sucks. (sobs) "Fuck you, dude!" And he gets up, runs off down the hall. You see that, um. (combination lock ticking) You look over. Go ahead and make an insight check for me again. - Oh, I got a 19. - Zelda, not that you got her name yet, but the satyr girl looks terrified and kind of backed up against the lockers. - Oh, can I come out of my rage? - [Brennan] Sure. - Okay. Woo. (laughing) I'm sorry. I felt bad because he was being mean to me. I just kinda. Sometimes that happens, when you're in the barbarian class. - Go ahead and make a persuasion check for me. - That is only, oh, wait, nope. - That's a zero. - Zero, 11. - 11. You see that she goes, "Sure, I get. "Um, later." And walks off down the hall - Bye! - Bye. The rest of you guys, what do you guys do with your day? - You guys wanna go to the A/V Club? - Sounds like a plan. - Yeah, I'll come to the A/V Club. - Sure. - Can I join them after A/V Club? - I feel like socially, I'm in such a precarious position that I don't know if I do wanna do to the A/V Club, but if the cool kids are going, I'll go. - Don't worry. I'm going to stand outside of the door, take a little looksee. I don't want to be seen going into the A/V Club. - It's pretty important that guys are in with the cool kids, so you two. The rest of us are doomed. Let's face it. - Will you let me table top you in front of some cool kids? - Fine. Why don't you both be pretending to carry me and push me into lockers as we go the the A/V Club. (laughing) I'll pretend to be a nerd. - Yes! Can I spin the ball on my hand. - Go ahead and give me an athletics roll to spin the ball. - Eight. - Eight. You attempt to Harlem Globetrotters, get all the way around. And Riz immediately falls off and face plants on the ground. You guys basically just shame and humiliate Riz on your way to the A/V Club. You all make you way there. - It's important, it's important. - Sorry, it's necessary. - You get there basically on your lunch break. - Also, as we're walking, I'm yanking on lockers in case any of the locks are undone, so I can open them. - Go ahead and make an investigate check. - That's gonna be a 19. - A 19? Damn! You yank on a couple. You actually yank on one and you see that is Penelope Everpedal's locker. (gasps) - [Emily] Oh shit. - Yup. We're gonna lock in there. - Will you guys cover me because if she comes, I can't get into shit with her. - Do you wanna just throw me in her locker? - Yes, I will pretend to be doing that. - Go ahead and give me an investigate check? - Come on! I rolled a goddamn one. - Well, here's the thing. The place is pretty spotless. Penelope's locker is well groomed, organized. What you do see, that even a nat one will get you, is that there are a lot of pictures of her in here with her like, sort of like pastiched or collage, with her in a beautiful gown. Her in a thing of roses and flowers. Her with a crown on her head. There's a thing of Dane Blade's picture next to it and she's kissing him. You find one very old, little, crystalline, de garo type thing, pressed up against the back of the locker, which is a picture of her in braces, which does not fit with how stylish everything else is. And she's got an arm around Sam Nightingale, who's also middle school age in the picture. They both look like they're 10 or 11 years old. - Can I see if there's anybody else in the picture? Like if something's blocking it or anything, like it's in a collage? - You are looking through to see if anything else is being blocked by it. You guys start hanging out in front of it. You see Penelope starts walking up to her locker. - Okay, I just loudly say to Fabian, Shit, did you really see Johnny Spells outside earlier? - I did see Johnny Spells outside. Penelope, Johnny Spells is outside right now. - Go ahead and give me a deception roll. - 16. - 11. - (chuckles) Hold on. I'm gonna take a picture of what I just rolled, for later. (chuckling) - Is it a 20? - I hope it's one and not a 20. It's one of the other. - I think a one is much more worth taking a picture of. - It's a classic 15. - Oh my god, such an interesting roll, a 15. - It's right in between. - You see that she looks at you and says, "Oh my god! "Johnny Spells is outside right now?" - Yeah! We don't really know him. We saw some guy on a motorcycle. - Yeah! - "Oh my god, thank you guys so much for telling me. "I super appreciate it." You see that see turns tail and runs out the other hallway. - Knock, knock. Get out, get out, Riz. - The ball. - [Emily] The ball. - I try to if there's any false walls or anything in there. - You got nothing, baby. That nat one. You duck out. I'ma need everyone here to make a wisdom saving throw. - Oh shit. - Shit, why? - Am I there? Are we all there? - Ugh, three, uh, wait, plus two, five. - 17! - 10. - Nine. - 12. - Five. - 13. - Dope, that's it. We'll move on. - Shit! - You guys head off down the hall towards the A/V Club. You guys arrive there. Once again, arcano-tech, little beakers going. You guys see that Shellford, Skrank, and Biz are all here hangin' out. - What's up, boys! - You see that Shellford turns and looks at you and goes, "Pfft. "Whatever." You see that Biz says, "Guys, what's up! "Welcome back! "It's packed in here. "That's nuts, dude. "Oh, uh, "Gorgug." - Yeah, hi. - "Riz, can I just, like, level with you super quick?" - Yeah, sure. What's up man? - "We kinda have, like, a rep here at the school, and if Gorgug's kinda hangin' around." - [Lou] What did we do? - I'm excited to be here. This is exactly what I wanted to do, I think. - "It's just kinda, like, maybe don't super bring him "around all the time." - All this stuff is so cool. - I feel like he's kinda, I feel like, if anything, he actually might fit in real well with, like, us. Do you know what I mean? - "Ugh, yeah, maybe, maybe he would. "But also, like, one of the things is just like, "A/V, of the clubs at the school, "we kinda have like a bad boy mystique "that kinda feeds into us. "'Cause it takes a lot of fucking skill "to, like, work these machines, and people "kinda look at that and they're like that's dope." - Right. - "And if Gorgug's here he's kinda like a freaky weirdo "who creeps on people and steals their stuff." - (laughs) Oh my god. - Here's the thing about Gorgug, though. He's got something really fucking cool that only me, you, and Gorgug can look at. - You see that he looks over and goes, "Oh, okay, yeah, if he's got dope stuff, "yeah, we'll take a look." He says, "Can I show Shellford--" - What is this? Okay. - [Brian] "I think it should probably just be us." - I'm gonna chill at the front of the door toward wherever they're hanging out, almost like a bouncer. So, if anyone else tries to come in, they gotta get past me. - I'm gonna go with you. - [Emily] Sweet. - And I got a staff. And I'm just gonna put the staff sideways on door. - And I'm just gonna play with a lighter. - Awesome. So you see that you, Biz, and Gorgug go into a corner. Biz goes, "Hey dude!" - Hey. - "Cool, so, my man, Riz here, tells me "that you got some cool stuff to look at." - Yeah, totally. Hold on, I pull out the puh-lip-sis. Puh-lip-sis? - [Brennan] Palimpsest. - He cannot help. It is a palimpsest. - The ellipses! - I got a puh-lip-sis. - It's a palimpsest. - You see Biz looks at it and goes, "Holy moly. "That thing's been beat to hell. "What happened? "What'd you guys do?" - I think there's something inside of it and somebody's trying to make it more difficult for it to get out. Can you you look at it and tell us what it is? - "What, like data or something? "There's some information, or memories, or dreams, "or something put in there?" - Gorgug thinks there's, like, a person in there. - "What do you mean? "Like a, like, "like a prank? "Like you guys pranked on somebody?" - Maybe it's like a prank. - "Okay, why don't we go over to the dark room "and we'll just take a look." - Let's look at it. - I also get in there because I understand why this is happened to Gorgug, but also this is all of my work, that Gorgug, for some reason is getting all the credit for And I worked really hard to get all of this information. - You see Biz looks up at you. Biz has not really noticed you up until this moment, but as you try to muscle into the darkroom, he looks up and goes, "Oh, uh." And you see that he flies on little pixie wings and gets a little trilby hat. And puts it on his head and he goes, "M'lady," and bows. (group groans) "I couldn't help but notice from your accoutrement, "but you bear the visage and resemblance of a spell caster. "Our birthright, you as a high elf, "and myself as a pixie, would see us--" - No. - [Brennan] "What?" - No. - "Oh, no, no to?" - No. - [Zac] No to what? - Just no. - I whisper in his ear. I would really impress her if you figured out what was up with this crystal. - "Dude, you are the number one wing man! "You get it." (laughing) "Forgive me for being overly forward. "As the poets say, the heart wants what looks good." - I just wanna cast so many shitty spells on this dude, and I'm not going to, because I know he can help us, but I'm so skeeved out. - You just have ray of sickness at your fingertip. - Oh, I'm holding it in. - So the three of you go in to the darkroom with Biz. You two are at the door, which just leaves Fabian with Skrank and Shellford. (laughing) - Can I just look over at Skrank? So. Do you eat worms? (squeals) Oh, god. - "Uh, no. "I mean, do you?" - No, but you know. (stuttering) - "What? "Mostly, I wouldn't eat worms. "I eat rabbits." - Oh? - "But also just, like, pizza. "You know, just food." - Wow, incredible. - "I'm, like, a full person, dude!" - Uh-huh. - "So, do you play sports?" - I do, yeah. Well, I should be. I could be. But they didn't. It's a sore subject. - "I play crystal sports." - [Lou] I'm sorry? - "I play, like crystal sports." - I'm sorry-- - [Brennan] "I play crystal sports!" - Is that like a ball game? Do you throw a crystal around? - "Yeah! "Well, no, you don't throw a crystal around. "You throw a ball around in a crystal. "So, it's all the strategy and tactics of, like, "a real game! "You know, like a sports game "but it's on a crystal." - Uh-huh, that sounds delightful. - Shellford look up and goes, "Uh, "don't mind Skrank. "He "fuckin' "sucks." - Oh, and you're what? Cool? (laughing) - "Pfft, fucking "loser, dude." - Who? Me, you, the birdman? Who are we talking about? - We go back. Great, we're good. - We know what's going on here. - We know what's going on here. We go back into the dark room, where Biz, Riz, Gorgug, and Adaine are gathered around. He takes a little brass clamp that goes around his four little hook, talon things that jam into the crystal. He turns on a little, weird centrifuge engine (imitates whirring) and this crystalline blue energy fills up the palimpsest. (gasps) And you see a spectral form of Sam Nightingale, deep, deep within the crystal, reflected hundreds and hundreds of times over. Biz looks at it horrified and goes, "Oh my god! "How did you guys get this? "What did you guys do? "I don't want any--" - What is it? - You see he says, "Okay, look, there's." He sort of like holds his eyebrow and goes, "So, okay, every crystal, right, "is logged with the Council of Chose. "There's a special bureau that's dedicated "to arcano-tech safety, right? "So, every crystal is unique, right? "There's a way to scry on it "or fie in it, if people do stuff right. "So, this has been turned into a palimpsest. "All that stuffs been scrubbed out. "So a normal dream crystal's only capable "of holding certain amounts of data or information. "Like textual information or it's able "to run certain cantrips, or run certain spells "that have certain applications, right. "So, most of the companies that buy and sell crystals, "they have very limited use, right, "but the dream crystal in its natural state is capable "of holding vastly more information "than just sensory data, light, sound, things like that. "A crystal can hold "kind of anything. "And I've never seen it fully developed or tested, "but it appears that this crystal is holding a soul." - Well, so how do we get her out? - "Well, I know how to get music "off of your mobile crystal onto your home crystal." - So, you're useless? Is that what you're telling us? You're useless. - "Sorry, uh, far from useless, m'lady. "I could get her out. "I could definitely get her out, "if you, could, um." - Definitely. Just don't kill her, but yeah, if you get her out. - "Well, that's the thing, is there's no, uh." - What do you think you could do to get her out? - "I would need better equipment than what the school has." - What place has better equipment? - Than a high school A/V Club? (laughing) - I mean my parents might have something. - "If you, look, I won't lie to you. "I "think I can figure out "how to do this "but doing it here feels really dangerous. "Also, whoever did this is extremely dangerous. "You guys are not the ones who did it? - No, no, no, no. - "Okay, do you mind telling me if you're trying "to enlist me in a covert operation?" - Yes, you're our hacker. - "Yes, dude! "Fuckin' did it, dude, yes!" - Yeah! - Just to be clear, you're not in our adventuring party. - "I'm a part of the team!" - He's a hacker. - "The seven of us versus the world!" - All of us! - "So, okay, so I'm like the man in the van, right? "Like, I'm in your guy in the sky, kind of? "Like I am in over here. "We're like pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, like." - Yeah. - "Dude, this so friggin' rules. "This so friggin' rules, dude!" - Right, okay. So, hacker. Where do you think we can get equipment that would be better? - "Uh, okay. "I could get started with what I have. "Although, I probably shouldn't do it on school property "'cause weird stuff's been happening at the school, right?" - Right. - "So, I can get started with what I have. "If you guys could talk to Gorgug's parents "to see if they have any dream crystal equipment. "I'm sure they do. "They're tinkers right?" - Yeah. - "Basically, what I really need is a power source. "I need a machine because I can do a lot of the processes "but I don't have enough juice on my crystal at home. "So any kind of power source you can get me "is gonna be super helpful." - What kind of a power source? - "I don't know. "Any kind of arcane power source, "that is gonna be strong enough "to let me run a lot of very complex operations. "I can daisy chain a couple of crystal together, "but at a certain point, I'm gonna blow the breaker "at my parent's house and I'm gonna get in trouble." - I mean, this might be too dangerous, but I do have this warlock switch comb. - "Well, well, well, m'lady." - Don't. If you call me m'lady one more time, I will make you vomit in front of the coolest girl in school. - "Well, if you want to make me vomit in front of yourself, that's your prerogative." - I would say go for it at this point, right? - You see he says, "Yeah, "that has enough juice in it "that I could at least get started. "I don't know if it will mess with it or not. "It's possible that." He looks at it and says, "Is that Johnny Spells' switch comb?" - How do you know Johnny Spells? - "He's been coming to this school "and dating people for the the whole time I've been here." - That's so creepy. - "Yeah, he's not great. "He's, like, a bad guy." - Yeah. - "And it's always, like, of course girls are gonna go "for Johnny Spells 'cause he has a motorcycle "and is super in shape, but like, "there's nice guys who, honestly, have a lot to offer." - I mean, oh, I hate that I'm gonna even tell you this but like I think that you feel like you have a lot to offer, and please take this the right way. - "Sure." - You don't. - "Hard to see a great way to take that, "if I'm being super honest." - What are you doing to work on yourself to make yourself more interesting and attractive? Are you thinking that women should change themselves, and lower their standards, in order to date you? I'm saying this to you now because like I really think it will help you, even though it's very hurtful. - It's like Siobhan didn't say vicious mockery, but I think she's casting vicious mockery. - You see he thinks for a second and goes, "Okay, uh. "Well, I'll get started on doing this really dangerous thing "for you guys. (group laughing) "I guess I'll take the switch comb and palimpsest, "and you guys just. "I'm sorry." - I don't know if we should just leave these with you. I think there's dangerous people who are maybe after this. - "Okay, do you guys--" - So maybe we should meet up with you after school. - "You guys hold on to it. "Hand it off to me after school and I'll get started." - I'm sorry. I didn't wanna hurt your feelings. I just didn't want you to kid yourself. (laughing) - I think you would actually get along really well with, you have a sister, right? - I do have an older sister. She's very mean. I'm the nice one. I don't think he would get along with my sister. - "You're the nice one?" - [Siobhan] I'm the nice one. - "Well, that's the thing, I won't lie. "I have been cut down a peg or two "in this social interlocution, however." - See, here's the thing. Saying interlocution instead of saying conversation. This is a part of the problem, dude. - "Do you have anything else about me "that you'd like to be different "than how it is?" - I'm not saying that you need to be different. I'm saying that is what you want. A specific thing that. You know what? Thank you so much for doing this thing for us. - You're a hacker, man! - "I'm a hacker, dude!" - Never forget that. At the end of the day, you're a hacker. (laughing) - Cool. You guys out at the front, you see that Vice Principal Goldenhorde walks up to you guys, as you're hanging out. - Goldenrod! - "Hm? "Oh, Goldenhorde, Goldenhorde. "Hello, you two, are you in class right now? "Or what's going on?" - Nah, I'm cuttin' to get your attention. - "Okay." - What's going on here? - "There's not a thing here! "There's not a thing here, alright." - I put my combat boot way up, to tie my shoe, but it's kind of erotically positioned. - "I can't tell whether you're trying to be inappropriate, "or masquerading Doreen's final gift to you on this Earth "in front of me, but either way, it's inappropriate." - Dude, I'm tying my shoes. Unless you're tryna take it there. - What's going on here? - "There's not. "Bye, go to class!" You see he scoots off down the hallway. - I'm reading a cool, Christian book this whole time. It's saxophone, Kit Kats, and reflection. - If you're looking, by the way, at the books that you guys got from the library The People's History of Falonel that you have been paging through. The crusaders of the Church of Sol committed countless atrocities against different elves, like wood elves that lived on the outskirts of the forest. The Nightmare King. There were invasions of Falonel by soldiers of the sun. It is blowing your mind as you read it. - Yeah, cool, cool. - Can I also have been using this time? You know how we got detention slips in Goldenhorde's. Presumably, he wrote them, right? - Yes. - Can I be practicing his handwriting? (laughing) - Yeah, absolutely! Go ahead and give me a proficiency calligraphy check. It'll be like a dexterity check. - Dexterity, okay, dexterity. Okay, only eight. - It's hard because he writes with a big claw hand. So, it's taking time to get it. - I'll keep at it. - It's chill dude. I have a losery script. - I'm also proficient in calligraphy. - Oh, you are? - You guys leave the A/V Club that day. End of school rolls around. And outside. You guys all hang around to meet up with Biz after school? - [Brian ] Yeah. - [Ally] Yeah, definitely. - I mean, if we, so first off, I wanna put it out there, that that switchblade could be a connection to my dad, so I would prefer to go where the switchblade goes. I also think, in general, maybe the switchblade should be with me. Just putting it out there. I would love that. I'll leave it up to the group because, I don't know if I say this enough, but I really respect you guys. - Okay, just don't run away. We respect you also. [Lou] Just stay, don't run. - Cool, I stop running away. (laughing) But I would say that, if we're worried about someone coming after Biz, we could leave a couple thugs, myself included, to sort of stand guard. - I think we should go with Biz, wherever he goes. - You need to go to your parents, though, to get the stuff. - Or should we just bring Biz to your house? - Oh, yeah, maybe. - Is this a power? I was confused, is the power source the-- - The power source situation. We can't go to my house! - [Brian] We could sneak around. It'd be kinda fun. - Wait, I thought that the comb was a power source. - You guys see that Biz walks up with a little trench coat and a different trilby that looks sort of more-- - This is the guy you were talking about? - We brought him into the fold? - Riz is learning so much about himself in this moment. - I mean, look, we can go to my place but you guys have to sneak in the back, or up into a window. - Do you have an extra whole house or something? I feel like-- - No, the house is just really big. - "Well, well, well, well, well. "Looks like our little clandestine meeting has arrived. "Enchante, mademoiselle." - Enchante! - I look through my cantrips to see if there's anything that will shut him up. - I'm trying not to say to do vicious mockery. - "Do you have the parcel?" - I think we're all gonna go together. - "To my house?" - Is that where we're doing it. I thought you need a power source. - "I do need a power source. I hang out. My mom lets me use the whole basement. - [Emily] Okay. - Okay, should we go get a power source and then met him at his house? - Yeah, or we have it, we have the switchblade. - "This might take a couple days guys. "Just as a heads up." - Should we trade out shifts so someone is always with you? - My mom's gone all the time. I can just sleep at his house. - "Yeah, dude! "Sleep over, dude! "That's awesome, dude, yes!" - I wanna protect the items, but, and I say this out of earshot of him, but I don't want to protect him. - He's standing right there. (laughing) - Yeah, I don't know, man. You're not my vibe, I'm sure I'm not yours. - "I understand. "Listen in this game of shadows "that us in the intelligence community play, "trust is at a premium. "I understand that." - I use message to cast to the other girls, "Do not leave me alone with this dude, please." (laughing) - "So, very, very well." - I have an auto reply back that says, "Have a blessed day," with a bunch of verses. - I have an auto reply back that's some really emo lyrics. - "If I need to earn your trust, I understand that. "You're more than welcome to come hang at my house. "My mom always has snacks "and we're pretty much good to go." - Cool, another point of business. We got a phone number that we can call. Or a crystal number. - Why don't we meet this guy later? - We have a burner, too. - Biz, why don't you get ready? We'll be in your basement. - "I'll get ready. "Do you guys wanna hold on to the stuff "or do you guys want me to get started?" - You know what? We'll hold onto the stuff until we get to yours. - "Okay, cool, dope, awesome." - We could just go to my house and try to find a power source. - Which of your houses would have it better, gnomes or elves? - I mean, I don't know of any specific power source. - Is there something I could roll to see if I would know? (group talking over each other) - Each of you guys roll an arcana check to see if you have something dope at your house. - I got a three. - I got a 13. - Can I check for mine in case I have a cool power source for my amps, or something like that? - [Brennan] Go for it. - Also 13. - Seven. - I would assume my mom doesn't have. - Nah, you guys probably don't have anything. You guys, you're not sure. It's a weird question you guys have never considered it. It'd be like someone asking a high school student what's your fuse box like, in your basement? It's like, "I don't fucking know." - Do you guys just wanna stop by both houses? - I'll go to my house. I know it'll be easy, at least, to go to my house. - Yeah, your house, at least your parents will probably help you. My house, we'll have to sneak around. - Do we wanna go by Gorgug's, see what we can get, and then go from there? - Yeah, I think so. En route, should we call this mysterious number from this burner crystal? - Can you pretend to be Johnny Spells? - Yeah. - You open the casing of the phone. Biz has already taken off. You open the casing of the phone. You turn the phone on. The phone has not been activated yet. - Okay, let's activate it. - It asks you to input the phone number and activation key. - It's gotta be the one that we haven't used. So let's just do that 'cause we might get messages on it. - Oh, yeah, great. - So, let's do that. - You activate the phone and immediately an unknown number, obviously, there's no contacts in the phone. It goes (imitates ringtone). The text reads: Page didn't work. We need another one. Can we organize a meetup? - Page didn't work. - Do we know a-- - Well, there was a page in the corn monster. - There was a page in the corn monster. We need another one. Okay, I'm gonna say yes. Because I also stole a bunch of his clothing. I could straight up disguise myself as Johnny Spells. Be shrouded in shadow and meet up with this person. - Yes, when you're texting back, make sure to use the word daddy-o, a lot. - Yeah, I'm definitely going to. I'm gonna say things like jive. - Okay we need another one, can we meet up? - Emojis that are saxophones and stuff. - No. - The dancing man? - Do we know the name of his motorcycle? 'Cause you have his motorcycle? - I don't think it has, it didn't have a name. - Okay, I'm just gonna say I think that we should text back like, sure thing thing daddy-o! What time jives for you? - Great! - Sounds just like him. - Also, and then I'll text and be like. Oh, no, no, I'm not gonna say anything else. - Don't do a double text. - Yeah, that's too thirsty. - [Lou] Looks needy. - Sure thing, daddy-o. What time jives for you? You get an immediate response back. Dot dot dot, "Aren't you dead?" - Fuck! - I don't go anywhere near the keypad, so there's no dot dot dot to show I'm typing. Just gonna take a second. - Can we take pictures with this thing? - Can we take pictures with the crystal? - Yeah, you can take pictures with it. - Yeah, let's make you look like Johnny Spells. - I don't think I should disguise myself just yet. I should save it for if I meet up with them. Well, do we wanna lie and say? - Can we just say layin' low, for now? - Yeah, things went awry, layin' low, something like that. - Things got weird, layin' low, for now. - What if we take an audio clip of you revving your new bike, to show that you're still alive. - That might be more obvious that we stole his bike. - Oh, really? - Good try, Kristen. (imitates motorcycle engine) - Why wouldn't you just talk? - I don't know. - Go ahead, if you'd be so kind, and make a, this is so weird to do over text, make a deception roll for me. - I should have fucking leveled that up. 16. - 16. You get a response back that says, "Okay" dot dot dot. "So the person they buried at Cravencroft, "that's not you?" - Maybe I'll just say, like. Fuck should we say, like. I think we should just say I can't go into it now or something like that. - Yeah or like, it takes more than a few high schoolers to defeat me or something. - No, wait, wait, wait. They might not know it was high schoolers. That might give 'em a clue. - Okay. - But I think you're on the right path. - I've crashed my bike before. - [Emily] Yeah, yeah. - What if you just said, "Tell ya later"? - Yeah! - More ambiguous, yes. - Daddy-o, this story is wild. - Too much, we have a problem with Sam. - Okay! Daddy-o, too much for text. We have a problem with Sam. - Make a deception check with advantage, if you'd be so kind. - Thank god. 20. - Yes, very cool! The response you get back is, "No shit. "Meetup at the pit instead of tea time." - Oh, so we know it'll be a Friday. - At ten. - At the Black Pit. - The pit instead of tea time. - I forgot to do my nat 21. - What's a good jive response? - Just a saxophone. - I send a saxophone emoji. - You just send him a pure saxophone emoji? (laughing) - We die because of this. - 100% The illusion traits are menial. - But also say, like, sweet. - "Sweet," cool. Rad! That exchange ends. What do you guys do after that? - This isn't tonight right? - [Brennan] No, it's gonna be a couple weeks. - Oh, okay. - We could go to my house. - Yeah, let's go to your house. Can we all pile on the back of your bike? - How many people can fit on the bike? - You have your mom's car as well, or no? - I don't. [Brennan] No, no. - I definitely wanna go on the bike. Although, it's really funny when Riz goes on the bike 'cause the bike hates him. - Also, it's a very recognizable bike. So, riding it around town-- - You didn't ride it to school, did you? - Of course, I rode it to school. - What? - It's a motorcycle that drives itself. - Biz knew who Johnny Spells is! - Okay. - Biz knows who Johnny Spells is! - I added a pair of crossbones so it's very much my own. - Cool, why don't you go ahead and drive that home and then meet us at Gorgug's. - Hide it. - I don't want to. Fine. - You drive your bike home. As you drive it home, you see that your dad is having a bare knuckle boxing match with one of his employees, out in a little sand patio. He looks over at you riding up on the bike. He looks over, got his shirt off, his one eye patch. He pops his tricorn on. He's old as hell, but still buff and wiry. He looks over and goes, "Right lad, "What's that treasure you've set yourself astride on?" - Well, Papa, I bested a man in combat and took it as spoils. - "Be that then your first plunder?" - 'Tis, Father! - "Oh, my boy!" He picks you up. "My darling boy, ho! "How'd you do it, how did you end the man? "Whose things were yours all along, but he never knew?" - Papa, it was incredible. One of the other members of my party had tried to do an insane maneuver in the car that ended up in flipping. But me, because I'm so lithe and acrobatic, I jumped, landed perfectly, walked out into the center of the road. And then I aimed my crossbow right at his eyes as he rode at me on this motorcycle. And, ah, I heard your voice in my head. And it was just, I missed the first shot, completely. But the second one, dead on! - "It's a flair for the dramatic, is what it is." - Exactly! (laughs loudly) "Oh, I love it but in my day we called it a crew, "and not a party. "Things change. "I'm old now, I don't get it, I'm old. "I don't get it anymore. "It's fine, it's your time. "It's your time to shine "and shine you will." - [Lou] Yes, Papa. - "Brighter than the sun in the sky." - Yes, Papa. - "Everything in this word is yours, lad." - [Lou] Yes, Papa. "My beautiful boy. "Well, what do you think? "What do you think of the aesthetic here? "Do we want it different? "What do you want here?" - It actually would work out best, seeing as right now, it looks too much like the bike of that man. And I need to make it my own. - "Oh, you need to fence it, "you need to launder it, do ya?" - But I was thinking, I'd put a couple of crossbones on it. I mean, it already has the skull, maybe, change the color to red. - "Do some crossbones? "We can get that done, we can get that done!" - I was also thinking about naming it after your ship. - "You'd like to name it after the Hangman?" - Yes. - What is the name of his ship? - [Brennan] The Hangman. - Oh! (laughing) - I was thinking either Hangman, Jr. Or The Second Hangman. - He says, "The Hangman is fine, lad. "Ain't no confusin' a motorcycle and a ship! "Besides, The Hangman has her sailin' days behind her." - The Hang, nevermind. - The Red Hymen. - Hymen! - "We'll get her done then, lad. "We'll get her done. "And we'll, "you've done be proud, lad. "What are we thinking, colors and all that? "You know what? "I'll surprise ya, I'll surprise ya!" - Oh, thank you, Papa! - "Skull and crossbones, that's my boy. "Now how does this thing," and you see that the skull flares up and goes, "Unhand me, "I am my master's vessel." You see that he goes, "Ahh, look at that! "Seas be damned, boy. "Oh, it's wonderful, it speaks!" - Yes, it does. It's possessed, Papa. (laughs loudly) - "I'm possessed with pride for my son." - Oh, Papa! - "All right, I'll get this fixed up in a jiff. "We'll finish the boxing match later, boys! "Now, you come on back home then by tomorrow morning "it'll be all spic and span for ya. "Neat as a shiny new pen." - Thank you, Papa. Actually, I need to go, I'm going to meet my friends. We're up to no good. - "Oh, that's good. "Now remember, friends are good, a crew is better. "There is no one in this world more important than you. "And if they ever cross you, you cross them first. "You hear me?" - Yes, Papa. - "All right my sweet boy, "let's get this motorcycle fixed up." (laughing) He takes the motorcycle and walks off with it. He gets a car ordered for you to go to Gorgug's. - Your dad is gonna die. This motorcycle's gonna kill him. - Yeah. - No, it's not, no it's not. Let's not even talk about that, all right? - You guys arrive at the Thistlespring Tree where you see Digby and Wilma are tinkering out in this little opened worktable out in the yard. You see they look up at you guys approaching as you get out of the car. "Well, bud." "Hey Mom, hey Dad." "Well, what's going on pal?" - [Zac] Uh, well, I-- - "Did you get banged up?" He sees you're dealing with a lump on your head. - Yeah, I hit my head on a locker 'cause a guy was, well, that guy pushed my head into the locker. - "Aw, bud, are these social workers, or are they--" - These are my friends. - Uh, hello Mr. Thistlespring, Mrs. Thistlespring. My name is Adaine Abernant. - You see that they look at each other and they both shake your hand with both little gnome hands wrapped around it. "Well, golly, we gotta real elf! "And look at that orb and that book! "Are you a wizard, young lady?" - I am. - "Well, golly! "How about it!" - Your parents are so cute. - I know. - "Let's get some tea, "there's lemonade, we have pink lemonade, we have regular--" - Uh, we actually, um, I don't know if we can hang out for super long, but, Dad, I was gonna ask you, do you, would you-- - "Ants, on a log!" And you see they both run into the tree. - Oh shit, I love that shit, yes. - Ants on a log, do you know what's ants on a log? Okay. - I actually brought some cornbread for everyone if you want some. - You brought cornbread? - Mhm. - I don't wanna be near corn. - Really? - Anymore. - Yeah, we're actually good without corn. - Why do you bake your god? - It's more of just like a form of worship. - Hey Dad. - Hm, okay. - Uh, Dad? - "Yeah, bud?" So they come out with a bunch of ants on a log, they have lemonades. "You guys all take a seat, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit." - Okay. - Thank you so much. - "Now this is so exciting. "Now you're all Gorgug's friends, "now you all go to Aguefort?" - Yeah. - Yup. - "Wow!" - We all met, you know. - I'm trying to start a band with Gorgug. - [Zac] She gave me drumsticks. - "A band? "Let me see 'em." - I thought it was super chill that you guys taught him to sing. - "Well you know what, I play the gnomish horn, "and then I also play the ukulele." And you see they go get their instruments from inside. There's a bunch of instruments, they say, "We should, I'm gonna say it, because I think "we're all thinking it. "We should jam." - I wholeheartedly agree, and without my bass guitar-- - Hey Dad, I gotta, I gotta unfortunately, we're looking for something that's like a power source. Do you have any kind of power sources? - "I'll tell ya about a power source. "This little kiddo, when he was growing up, "growth spurt after growth spurt, he was popping "up all over the place, his limbs going everywhere." (gasps) "We have pictures!" And you see they rush inside. - Dad! - So cute, I've never anybody as cute as your parents. - I love them. - Don't call my parents cute. - They're so cute. - They rush out with a huge album, of just like gnomish leaves in a little binder, and it's just pictures of Gorgug and them, he's like a baby, and he's as big as the two of them, and they've got their little arms around the giant half-orc baby. "This is Gorgug, when we first found him, all right? "Now he was, I'll tell ya, he was hungry, "he was a hungry guy. "I had never seen a baby eat raw meat, and he ate it up "by the handful." - It's good, I still like raw meat. - Fabian Seacaster, son of Bill Seacaster. - "Fabian, nice to meet ya!" - We actually have a group project that we need to be working on for school-- - "Ah, look at this one, but we're getting in the way "of academics." You see he says, "Look at us, well, you're not gonna fail "on our account, I'll tell ya that. "What could we do to help?" - We need a power source. Do you have any sort of bigger power, like something that's-- - Like a magical power source. - You watch both of these gnomes change from exuberant that their son has friends into project-focused gnomes, and you see that the dad says, "Okay, power source, "talk to me, what are we talkin' about here, we're "talking about some project? "What are you trying to run, what kinda power source? "For a spell, like a spell engine? "You're talking about some kind of helix matrix, "what are we talk--" You see that they both start changing into curly pointed toed shoes that are like work curly pointed shoes. - We're all taking a rogue elective class that's about breaking into people's phones. - "Okay." - So we just need a power source that can, like, help us break into phones. - "Power source." - Yeah, Adaine was gonna put me inside a phone, and then she had to get me out. - Break him out, yeah. - [Brian] After I was trapped. - It's sort of a magical rogue situation. - Defensive magic type situation. - [Siobhan] Yeah. - "Done, done, done, done, done. "We got it!" You see they both rush inside, they-- - Your parents are so nice, I'm so jealous. - I love them, and I'm-- - My parents are so mean. - It's really hard for me to lie. - We gotta stop by (mumbles), anyways. - Then just be quiet. - [Zac] Eat these ants on a log. - I'm gonna be just praying, okay. - Just fill your mouth with cornbread. - Are those actual insects? - [Zac] No, it's raisins and peanut butter on celery. - Oh okay, raisins-- - You don't know what, you're so rich, you don't know what ants on a log are? - Like, this whole time I was like, are these people eating insects? I was like, God. - No, no, no, it's like an hors d'oeuvres-- - What do you snack on? - You're a ridiculous person. - [Emily] What do you snack on? - Kippers. - [Zac] What are kippers? - Kippers, what are kippers? - [Zac] It's like a caper? - No, no, no, no, kipper. - It's a smoked fish. - It's a small fish, small fish, very expensive. - You get home and you have some fish and milk? - Peanut butter is way less gross than fish. - I'm sorry, what's a raisin? - Raisin, it's like a grape that got old. - That got tired. - Why would you eat something like that? - A tired old grape? - Yeah. - Yeah. - That sounds disgusting. - Like a grandma grape, it's like a grandma grape. - Why are you making them sound so disgusting? They're good, just taste it. - Power source. - [Siobhan] Why are you being such a-- - Do you have that power source? - These gnomes rush out with like a bandolier of tiny crystals, they push a huge crystal in a big brass orrery, there's an astrolabe with a bunch of crystals in it, one of them walks out, and you see that there is this screaming fire elemental inside of a gilded orb, like, cage thing. - Oh, so you guys-- (elemental screeching) Sorry, you guys did this? - They have like an elemental engine that you have over here, this would be from more like a dream crystal thing. - Oh the dream crystal thing. - "Okay, great, dream crystal we'll put." You see they sorta kick the orb with the screaming elemental in it, so it rolls away a little bit. - Is that okay, is he okay? - He's fine, I play with him all the time. - "Oh yeah, he's fine, he's in there. "All right, so, now, what we got here is," you see they pick up big thing, this just huge spinning crystal, you see that it's in multiple stages, like cylindrical stage that are spinning in different directions, and hovering in the middle of a runed silver disk, and you see that Wilma puts her little finger up under the point as it's hovering, and lifts it, the whole giant thing up as it floats, and lifts it over to you, Adaine. (crystal hums) "There we go. "Now, it doesn't take much to move that thing around. "I recommend, if you attach things to it, try to move "that around with a mage hand rather than using your finger. - So you guys know how to put people in crystals, so you could just help us. - "What?" - They, we don't want to-- - I'm gonna, okay-- - It's probably for, because it's for school, I don't think we should. - Oh, you're right. - Yeah, that would be cheating. (group mumbling) - "We're not gonna get you guys in trouble by helping "you out with this, are we?" - [Group] No, no, no. - We gotta take this to our friend's house though. We're doing the project at a friend's house. - "Okay, well, glad to be of help, "if you guys want to come back here, we got sleeping bags "out, we can get some popcorn, we can get some other snacks "and stuff." - Also rain check on that jam session. (guitar solo plays) - I'm like so sad inside because I'm just realizing that other people's parents are like really nice to them. (group laughs) - I'm mortified. I stand up too fast and I hit this like, I knock a light off the ceiling. - Bam, clang, light comes down, it puts like a Rube Goldberg machine into effect, and some eggs start cooking. "Oh, looks like it's early breakfast! "But that's okay, you guys want some eggs?" - I would love to. - Yeah. - We gotta go. - Oh, you're right. - Yeah, I think we need to go. - [Brennan] "Okay, okay." You guys head away from the Thistlespring tree. - I hold their shoulder and go, "I'm sorry." (laughs) - "You didn't do anything wrong, sweetheart. "Okay, you guys come back," and you see that as you guys are getting back into this little ordered car, you see they both look at you, Gorgug, and go, "Good job, kiddo, they're great, your friends are great. "Good job, bud!" - Thank you. - And you guys take off in the car, you guys arrive at Biz's house, very cookie-cutter, little tic-y tac-y house, suburban house. You see that it is crazy on the inside though, because pixies have moved into a human-sized house, so the furniture is all like multiple level, there's like double decker, the living room is like a loft, which is like a separate balcony living room above the main living room. So it's just this insane, 'cause Biz is again, about a foot and a half, two feet tall. So the house looks insane. - I forgot that was like, that the guy who was harassing you was-- - So are all these guys gonna have to like, crawl? - Yeah, you guys get there, you ring the doorbell, you see that Biz's mom answers, you see she goes, "Uh, hello? "Can I help you guys?" - Uh, I'm Riz, I believe your son Biz is expecting us?" - "Oh my gosh, okay, Biz! "Biz! "Biz!" - I just think that we don't always have to lie to them. - "He's downstairs, one second, I am Bubble." - [Group] Hi, Bubble! - Oh, it's so nice to meet you. - Bubble? - "No shoes, okay, no shoes, okay, no shoes." - You're not gonna steal them, are you? - "Beg your pardon?" - Oh, God. - You're not gonna steal my shoes? - What are you doing? (group chastising Fabian) - I just take the shoes off, I do steal his shoes. Can I steal his shoes? - Yeah, you can. - What? - One. What am I doing? - Exactly. - You step right on his hand as he's doing-- - The fuck are you doing-- - Just take your shoes off. - I'll take my shoes off, but I don't want them stealing them. - Biz comes up, sees-- - Can I just untie my shoelaces? - [Brennan] Yes. - Okay. - Biz comes up, sees the huge crystal you guys are carrying, goes, "Oh boy, that'll do it, that'll do it. "You wanna bring that 'round to the backyard, "and I'll hook it in through the basement?" - We should go around back? - "Yeah, you just wanna scoot around, because I don't "think you can super fit. "Do you wanna like hunker down? "I don't want, if anyone drives by, I don't necessarily "want them to see that you're here." - Can I sorta case the joint? - Why are you so mean to our friend? - What, he's not being mean, he just doesn't want people-- - [Siobhan] He is being really mean. - While this is happening, can I sorta case the joint? I want to make sure no one's spying on us, following us, or anything like that. - [Brennan] Make a perception check. - Okay, 12. But, like a really full 12. - A full 12! - Yeah, you don't notice anything out of the ordinary. He says, "I'm sorry, all right? "But if you want to move that around out back, "I'll plug it in through, and I'll take a look at it." - But like, you know this is what I'm talking about, right? Like, you think that you're a nice guy, but you've been so consistently really mean to my friend? - Wait, are you being mean to me? - Yeah, he's being really. You're cute. - "Wait a minute, "that's not true, I've only been mean to people that I could "be mean to and not catch shit for it." - Yeah, you hear what you're saying, right? - "That didn't sound great as I said it, I heard it "as I said it, and realized that that was bad." - Like, people are dunking on you, and so you're dunking on the people below you? (Emily laughing) - Just, no dunking, just overall. - No dunk zone. - [Emily] Within this room. - [Siobhan] No dunk zone, we have like a no dunk policy. - "I'm dude, I dunked on him, I slam dunked him." - You slam dunked on me? - [Brennan] "I slam dunked on ya." - I had no idea. - It's okay, man. - Okay. - "Okay, you go around that side, I'll hook it in. "Riz, if you wanna come in, you're good, everyone else, "you're free to come in, it's like you might break some "stuff, so if you don't want to come in, you don't have to. "But--" - I'll be on bouncer duty again. I'm just gonna pace. - Yeah, I'll watch the crystal. - I'm gonna pace around the house like a German Shepherd and just scare anyone away. - I'd like to come inside. - "Okay, you come on in. "You guys come inside--" - But I'm like full infernal mode. - Biz takes it downstairs, hooks the crystal up to this little brass wire, he goes, "Great, do you have "the palimpsest?" - I shout down from the window, I have the palimpsest. - "Well, mademoiselle, if I may, "can I please have the--" - Do you think mademoiselle is better than m'lady? It's not. - "I'm sorry, I--" - Wow, she's really trying to fix him. (Emily laughing) Everything's a project with her. - He takes the palimpsest, snaps it in. Gonna make some rolls real quick. - Oof, his faces. - As he starts doing the crystal, you guys see a little (makes explosion noise) and a little smoke pops out of the palimpsest, and he goes, "Uh, okay. "Okay. "I need to be a lot more careful--" - Well then do so! - What happened? - What happened? - "I messed something up a little bit. "It's fine." - Can we do an insight check to see if he's-- - Yeah, how bad is it? - [Brennan] Yeah, do an insight check. - [Ally] Nine. - 14. - [Brian] I got a 15. - I got a 20. - 20? He is mortified. There's a real threat to Sam if he fucks something up. - His next roll, can I give him my 16? - [Brennan] Sure. - And my portent? - Mm-hm. If you give him the 16, he goes in, looks like he fixes something and says-- - Can we give him help? - [Brennan] Yeah, you guys can help him, yeah. - [Siobhan] Yeah. - How can I help you, Biz? - He looks at it and says, "Here is the deal. "Looking at this, there's a lot of danger here for Sam. "I can, I think I can get her out. "It's just going to take a while. "If I do it fast, there's a chance it could go wrong. "If I take my time, it's a certainty, right? "Everything that is a potential for disaster, "is me trying to rush it. "Does that make sense?" - [Group] Yeah. - We have some passes, right, from, uh-- - Oh, bardic inspiration? - Or no, like the hall passes. - I can write us a hall pass. - Can we just like get you out of school tomorrow and work on this like non-stop? - "Yeah, awesome." - Can I also just, I'm just gonna come in from outside, I'm gonna head back out there and continue pacing like a German Shepherd, but real quick, bardic inspiration. - You see he says, "Thank you so much." - Okay, it's nothing, it's nothing. - Why did you wink though? - She also winked at me, you see. I was like, oh wow. - I thought the same thing. (group talking over each other) - I'm gonna go ahead, guys, and we're going to move through a little period of downtime. You guys effectively get Biz set up, you guys forge some hall passes, he leaves school pretty much every day or every other day to the point so he doesn't fail, to go home and work on getting Sam out of the palimpsest, but events happen, you guys get to third level, where you're taking classes, you're learning stuff at the school, weeks pass, it's pretty uneventful. Aguefort Adventuring Academy starts working, you guys start taking some more classes, you're learning your skills and things like that, you take your trip that first Saturday with your mom to Cravencroft Cemetery to see your dad. - When you're there, you should look for Johnny Spells's grave and see if there's any shit on there. - Cool, can I? - [Brennan] Do a little investigate check. - Oh boy. - Yeah. - Not been rolling well today. Two nat ones. And a 14? 14. - You see that there are, other than the footprints that were originally around Johnny Spells, you see that there's some fresh graves of him and the greaser that got buried here, there are some fresh tracks that look like they visited a couple of times. You do a sketch of the make and model of the shoe. You go ahead and put that in your inventory. They're like big chunky combat boots, are the shoe print, but it looks like hardly any, like they hadn't made that much of an imprint, if that makes sense. - Interesting. Would I be able to tell if they were tiefling, or, do they seem? - Not on that investigate check, but you know that it was a big boot that didn't make a big impression. - [Brian] Got it. - Dope. It gets to be the last Friday of the month. It's tea time, gang. - Ooh. - You guys arrive at the Black Pit. Brick walls, you guys hear the thumping music from inside. This is downtown, this is in the seedy, across the river area, there's a lot going on down here. You see that there's huge a bouncer, this big human, kinda barbarian-looking dude, thick beard, kinda rugged, he's got a short sword and a long sword. He's hanging at the door, there's a line behind a ratty velvet rope. The Black Pit is a music venue with multiple stages, there's multiple rooms going on, different bands play here. The Black Pit is a divey, nasty, scary kinda place. - I'm very, very scared but I don't want to show it, but I am showing it. - It is pretty scary in there, but my church actually comes here a lot 'cause this is a major hub for sex trafficking, so-- - Sex trafficking? - Yeah, a couple of the other kids in the youth group normally come here to talk to people. - I've come here to so many concerts, I can't believe that there's sex trafficking. - Oh really? Oh yeah, it's actually all over, it's an epidemic. So we just come here and we wear a block dot on our hands and then people know that they can talk to us. I've actually saved like a lot of lives. My church does a lot of good things, we're pretty plugged in with things that are wrong with society. - Yeah, of course. - Wow. - If you guys wanna join the prayer chain-- - [Group] Stop! - I think, so here's my thought. I think that it would be awesome if we could all get in there somehow, but I think that we should, rather than me disguising myself as Johnny Spells and being in there, that's gonna attract too much attention. I think we should go in there, text them and say, "Hey, I'm almost at the Pit, are you here?" And then we can potentially listen for the text to be received, and then be like, "Cool, since everyone "thinks I'm dead, I can't go in. "Do you want to meet me out back?" And then we'll meet him out back. - Nice. - Then we can control the lighting. - Yes, great. - Yeah, that's true, we can control the lighting, and my disguise will be a little less obvious. - Do we wanna case the joint real quick? Like do a quick wrap around? - Yeah, let's survey. - Can I do a little sneak-sneak? - Cool, go ahead and make a stealth and investigation, if you'd like. - Okay. That's a 23 on stealth. - [Brennan] Dope. - And a 11 on investigation. - Did you reroll your daily things. - Yeah, I did. - 11 on investigation, cool. So investigation proves the Black Pit is in a huge row of what were once warehouses and things like that, so the Black Pit doesn't have alleyways to either side and it's a huge long harbor yard block before there's another intersection and then it goes all the way out. And there is no courtyard or backdoor. In other words, it's part of just a huge concrete block. The Black Pit might only have the one front entrance from what you're investigating. It seems like one of those fire hazard fucked up no license places that's just-- - [Brian] Got it. - Does it have a roof? - So there's no alleys? - No alleys that you guys can see. - Let's just check out what inside looks like and come back outside in a couple of minutes. - Yeah. - Great. - [Siobhan] Yeah, let's. - You guys get in line. - No, no, no, can we approach the bouncer? - You're gonna get us thrown out. - You approach the bouncer, big bearded guy that's got red tawny beard, got this stuff over sort of black leather duster, he's got this enormous fucking wolf dog thing chewing on a bone, he's scratching its head. "Hey brother, how's it going man, how you doin'?" - I'm well, Fabian Seacaster, son of Bill Seacaster. - "Okay, man." And he starts checking the list. - We're probably not on there. How much for me and my friends to go inside? - Go ahead and make a persuasion check, if you'd be so kind. - Seven. - "How much for you and your friends to go inside?" He says, "I don't know, dude, how much for you to eat "my crusty hairy asshole out, here, in the middle "of the fucking street? "You rich mother fuckers come down here, fuckin'. "How old are you?" - Does it matter? - "Yeah, legally." - 23. - [Brennan] "You're 23 years old?" - Yes, I'm 23 years old. - "You're 23 years old?" - Yes, I'm 23 years old. - [Brennan] Make a deception check - 18. - You see he goes, "Jesus, you look like a fuckin' baby. "Dude, you need some living done, you know what I mean? "You need to go out there and get some living done, dude." - That's what we're trying to do tonight. - [Lou] Yeah, exactly. - "Well, okay, get in the fuckin' line, all right? "You wanna go in, you get in the fuckin' line." - Dude, we're just, honestly, honestly, he's got a lot of, fuck, I'm friends with him, he's a rich idiot, and I'm trying to get you a little something to keep your pocket warm. - [Brennan] Go ahead and make a persuasion check. - 19. - "Look, I appreciate it, all right. "Look, and these guys, I don't get paid dick." - I know, I'm a bouncer too. (group laughs) - [Brennan] Make a deception check for me, please! - What? - I got a 24! (group laughs) - You see he looks up at you and goes, he goes, "Oh shit, "you're a bouncer too? "Wait, you don't bounce here, do you?" - Nah, I bounce at, or bounce with, this isn't happening in real time. I bounce, I bounce at, uh, uh, the Doom Fort. - "Oh, you're here from the Doom Fort? "Oh, you guys are just visiting!" - [Emily] Yeah, that's right. - "Oh shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to give you "a fuckin' hard time dude." - Oh, okay, thanks. - "Dude, Elmville, things work a little differently, "do you understand what I'm saying?" - [Lou] Oh, okay, thank you. - "Ah, you get it." - I bounce at a metal bar. - "Rad, you know fuckin' Pete?" - No, I don't know him. - [Brennan] "You don't know Pete?" - Did Pete say that he works there? - "Yeah, Pete told me that he worked there." - Dude, I don't, Pete does not work there. - "Dude, he's fuckin' full of shit, dude." - [Emily] That's fuckin' humiliating. - I'm here to look for people who are caught in sex trafficking. - "All right, you guys head on in. "You guys all head on in." (group laughs) "You guys just head on in." - [Ally] Does anybody else? - No, I'm good, I'm good. - You have to go to the depths of the depths to find them-- - "Hey, brother, help me out on your way in, "what do you say?" - 75? - "Yeah, that'll do it." - That's an insane amount of money. - You would just give, you don't even like that guy. - That would like, pay my rent for so long. Can you just buy my apartment? - Is that your money? - [Brennan] You see that this guy looks up, and you see-- - See, I was trying to-- - He looks down at his big, he says, "Sister, you just saved my fuckin' ass. "Let me tell ya something." - You know what, one bouncer to another. - You see he goes, "Rover, Rover, we're taking you "to the vet, buddy!" - [Group] Aww! - Why are we aww-ing? I paid for that dog to go to the vet, it's a good thing. - Yeah, we were aww-ing, it's a good aww. - Can I give one of my bardic inspirations to the dog? - No, no! This is how we were before the corn episode, and the corn babies kicked our ass. - If he has an episode, I need to know that he's got an extra D six. - Remember Adaine used all her spells before we got into combat-- - That's his weapon, and I don't regret it. - I will not regret this. - Two people died. - You guys move through the Black Pit, you come in, there's a little merch table, you see that all the merch up at the merch table right as you come in through the door is for "DJ Brainzz!" And you see that there's this weird undead fuckin' DJ, there's a bunch of mix tapes and T-shirts and swag all over the fuckin' merch table. - I just start ranting about how no one makes music anymore. (group laughs) - There's also a band here called the Screwy Louis that are playing in what they call the Moon Room. You see that you walk past a coat check area. Through there, there's like a little pool room, with there's people playing pool, there's a whisky bar. You guys are very aware that there are adults here. They are drinking, and it's scary. You go on to the next room and you see a bunch of humans and half-elves and half-orcs, and there's a band, the Screwy Louis band, with mohawk and crazy hair, just. (imitates metal music) Just like scary, and they're just quarreling and hitting each other in this crazy mosh pit. - I can't help it, I go mosh. - Go Fig! - You jump in, go ahead and give me an athletics check. - Oh shit. 11. - You take three points of damage. As you do it, though, you see that this big dude with a leather jacket with a ton of patches and it's torn up, gotta big red mohawk, looks like this sort of half-elf dude. He's the one who slugs you for three points of damage, and as he looks over at you, he goes, "Oh hell yeah, I haven't seen you before, what's your deal?" - After he just punched you. - I'm a bouncer from... - Doom Fort. - I'm a bouncer from Doom Fort, and you just fuckin' punched me. - "Ah right." - [Emily] You better have some kind of healing on you. - You see he says, "You know what, "they have great healing here. "Hey let's get this chick a drink, huh, "you and your friends?" - Yeah, please. - Oh yeah, can I have one drink that looks alcoholic but isn't? - You guys go into the next room where he-- (group laughing) It gets like a little bit more transient in the next room. You get away from the punk vibe and there's more of this. (imitates rave music) - So this place is huge. - Huge, multiple rooms, venues, stages. - [Lou] Got it. - And there's a big long bar, like U-shaped bar. There's weird mood lighting, you see people making out at booths or at side tables nearby. - Ew. - You see that there are, there's a huge picture of what looks like a very dark sangria that someone's pouring something into. You order your drink, you see that the guy who slugged you comes with another person, goes, "Hey, the name's Marrow. "How's it going?" - It's good. - He says, "Sorry for slugging you there. "Here," and you see that he puts the drink in front of you and raises up a little shot glass himself. - I don't usually accept drinks from strangers. Can I do like a perception check or something? - [Brennan] Yeah, sure, go for it. - 15? - The bartender poured it right in front of you. - Mm, this seems like a bad idea. Is it a shot? - [Brennan] It's a shot, yeah. - Okay, I try, I do a thing where I look like I'm, I turn, I'm like, "Thanks so much, dude," and then I throw it over my shoulder. - It hits me in the face. (group laughs) - Or I throw the thing over so it looks like I chugged it. - [Brennan] Give me a slight of hand. - Oh! That's gonna be 22! - It's gone, so he goes, "Ooh, yeah! "That's the good shit, all right. "Yeah, you're a little bad ass, aren't ya?" - Uh. - You see he says, "All right. "I'm gonna get back in there." The bartender serving you says, "What would you like?" - I would like a, uh, can you do something that has a lime in it so it looks like I'm not judging anyone, but I'm not drinking. (Emily laughs) - You see that the bartender says, "Okay." You hear a voice right behind you say, "Cute." You turn around, there is a young woman, very strong-looking, broad shoulder, she's got hiking jean shorts and a shredded up T-shirt with the sleeves cut off that has a three wolf moon shirt on it, and a little bit of hair in the middle of her eyebrows. She's got the side shave and a short flop of hair to one side. - It's Cameron. (mumbles) (group laughs) - But very muscular and hikey kinda looking. You see that she looks over at you and says, "No alcohol?" - Oh, no, I've known a lot of alcoholics, I do a lot of outreach, so, I just don't drink. - "Yeah, I can see it, you got your bible shirt on "at a bar." - Yeah. (laughs nervously) Ah, never mind. - You see that she looks over and says, "Listen, I don't like to get into it when I'm out drinking, "but I fuckin' hate this band, and my friends are all "fuckin' dancing to it, so, you know that like, "that book is like, full of contradictions, right?" - [Siobhan] Oh my God. - Yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah, you know what? I'll be the first to say it, as a believer, I embrace the contradictions and I'm reading a lot about the atrocities that my people committed, it's been a nightmare. I actually met God and he sucked. - You see she looks at you and, make an insight check. - Ooh, nat one, baby! - You have no idea what's going on with this person. She looks at you and goes, "That's incredible. "What do you mean you met God?" - I was able to meet God, I asked him why there was suffering in the world that he supposedly created, and he said, "Catch ya later," and uh, it sucked. But you know what? I'm gonna stick with this one until I find the next one. You don't let go of a vine until you're holding on to another one, especially when it's this important to you. - You see she says, "That's the exact question I asked that made my parents "throw me out." - What? - "I asked, something really terrible happened to me, "and, at least I thought it was terrible at the time, "but it ended up being like one of the best things "that ever happened to me, and I asked my parents "why Sol would let that happen, and they kicked me "out of the house." - Oh my God. What happened? You don't have to share with me. By the way, I'm Kristen Applebees. - You see she takes your hand, kisses it, and goes, "I'm Tracker." - Oh, hi Tracker, you have some marker on your lips now. This wasn't a permanent marker, all I had was dry-erase. - You see she looks at you and says, "Um, this is crazy, "do you want to like, grab a drink here? "It doesn't have to be alcoholic, and like, go just "like talk somewhere?" - Of course, I'm always down to talk to a new person about God. - She says, "We could talk about God, or like, each other." - Oh cool, yeah, God is in us all. (Emily laughs) - She walks away with you, goes, "What do the rest "of you guys do?" You see there's one final room you guys have not gone into past the bar-- - I do want to quick ask the bartender what was that drink that he gave me? - You see, uh-- - I say, hey, what gender is the bartender? - A woman. - Hey, that guy just bought me a drink, I didn't trust it, I did the old throw-it-over-my-shoulder instead of drinking it, what was it that he bought me? Was it safe? - You see she looks at you and says, "Yeah, I'm pretty "certain you're safe." - What did he get me? - I think he got you sangria and whisky. - Okay. Thanks. - Yeah, no worries. - I'm just being buffeted by everybody, and I'm just kinda standing there, overwhelmed by everything. - Should we see if there's somewhere that-- - I would just like to find somewhere that's quieter? - [Brian] Should we investigate and see if there's a room that they would meet? - Yeah, great. - Can we kinda case the joint from the inside? - Give me an investigate check. - Cool. I have a plus six, and I haven't beaten a nine today. And it's not gonna be now. 11. - I also got an 11. - I got a 19. - 19? You guys spread out and start investigating. Where do you guys think you are investigating? Do you guys, like who's near the front, who's in the middle two rooms, and who goes into that final backroom? - I want to go into that backroom. - [Brennan] Backroom. - I'll go with you. - Backroom, cool, Gorgug and Riz go into the backroom. - I'm just trying to honestly find somewhere quiet. Like I'm looking for people who seem shady, but everybody here seems shady to me. - Cool, I think you might go near the front or something. The room farthest from where the bands playing are really the quietest. - Great. - And then. - I guess I'll go with them, to that backroom. - [Brennan] Cool, um-- - Front. - Front? Cool, two in the front, and then you're in the middle talking to Tracker. - Yeah, on a nat one, exactly how I was when I was religious. (group laughs) - Tracker, by the way, immediately puts a hand on your knee-- - Oh yeah, for sure, and again, nat one, just like, god, they must really want to know. - All about God. You three go to the backroom, you guys see a huge dance floor with another bar over in the corner, some are VIP, big stage where DJ Brainzz is up there, who's like this rail-thin guy that's up there, (imitates loud bass music) and go ahead, the three of you who are in the backroom, make a perception check for me. - Okay, let's roll something okay. - I got an eight. - 11. - A five. (group laughs) - 11. - [Brennan] 11, what'd you get? - I got an eight. - Eight, you guys look around, you're gonna have to go deeper into the room to notice something. - Let's, can I be sneaky? - [Brennan] Yeah, go ahead and throw. - Hey! - Nat 20. - You are invisible, baby! You are invisible. - So many cool people dancing. - I'm gonna say you get all the way up to the other bar, nearer to the stage, you look out into the dance floor and see Zayn Darkshadow, who was the kid who knocked the book out of your hand on day one, this like goth elf kid who has a little rat on his shoulder and has created a light can trip and is just like rave moving around, dancing, he's just getting way into it, you see that on his feet are a pair of giant combat boots. - Okay. Can I, can I see him? Can I see him? This guy? - [Brennan] Yes, you can. - I would like to turn the crystal on silent, and then text "OMW" and see if anyone looks at their phone. - You text that, I'm going to need everyone here to make a perception check for me. Only those in the background. - 18. - 11. - Nine. - 18, you look through the dance floor, and as you send it, Zayn's pocket lights up. (phone buzzes) - Okay. I mean, I just, I think I just look at you guys and I go. - Should we, okay, I want to sneak back and join them. - As you are about to sneak back and join them, you guys see that the DJ switches the track. And you hear one of those old dubstep things where it goes like (makes swooshing bass sound), "Well, everybody, now that we're all up and about, "it's time to rage!" (imitate bassline dropping) Cut over to the middle room, Tracker is talking to you, and she says, "There's just like a lot "that I feel like losing faith shakes up in you, "but it also has so much to offer you, and you can see "things that you didn't see before, and you can feel "things that maybe you didn't let yourself feel before." - Well, yeah, that's so interesting. I feel like, you know, sometimes I take a break from praying for four hours every night, and that's like every Tuesday, and with those four hours, I just end up doing great work. - She leans forward and kisses you on the mouth. - Ah! Oh! Actually, I don't kiss, um. - You see that she suddenly goes, she goes to you and says, "I-I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry--" - No, I'm sorry! - "No, I freaked out and--" (starts growling) (howls) Looking throughout the bar, you see all over, people hit the deck, their clothes rend as their bodies start to change, you see that one of the people making out in the corner goes (hisses) as two fangs come out of their head, and I'm going to need everybody here to roll initiative. (group groans) - We gotta take out that DJ, we gotta take out that DJ. - The beat drops, all of you draw weapons, and we'll start this battle next time on Fantasy High! (group groans) - Rage! This room is filled with people hulking out into werewolves. (imitates werewolves) "Sasha, Lord of Whispers, calls for the Bloodhounds!" The DJ has a rotting necrotic face, covered by a paltry illusion. - How breakable does that glass look? - Honestly, dude? Pretty breakable. - A nat one! - This is insane. - The DC for contracting lycanthropy is 12. I can tell you that right off the bat. The lower means-- - I'm a werewolf? - Go ahead and roll in the box of doom.

Channel: Dimension 20

Views: 850,442

Rating: 4.9414802 out of 5

Keywords: Collegehumor, CH originals, comedy, sketch comedy, internet, humor, funny, sketch, trapped, demons, wishes, desserts, gifts, bullying, flirting, singing, rage, rejection, m’lady, evil, nerds, parents, family, dads, adorable, embarrassed, dangerous, bars/clubs, religion, djs, awkward, techno, kissing, LGBTQ, werewolves, fantasies, games, role playing, mythical creatures, high school, teens, magic, brennan lee mulligan, emily axford, zac oyama, siobhan thompson, lou wilson, ally beardsley, brian murphy, fantasy high, d&d

Id: Uly8iW-oowE

Length: 108min 47sec (6527 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 20 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/EnemyPigeon]

Is there a podcast version of this?

[u/MARCVS-PORCIVS-CATO]

Yesssssss

I was literally just about to make a post asking if they were going to release more.

[u/standardtrickyness1]

I want to know why the girls are disappearing but don't really have time to watch this rn