The Office - My Top 25 Funniest Lines

we're going to start by watching a video so a nice and gentle star it's a bit cheesy and a bit 80s but I think a lot of the ideas are still are still pretty valid okay a good idea is a good idea forever yeah all right you need stone you're so clever what am I thinking about now you're thinking how could I kill a tiger armed only with a biro no you're thinking if I crash-landed in Jungle will I be able to eat my own shoes nope any current right what are you thinking of I was just wondering will there ever be a boy born who can swim fast in a shot well Gareth was quizmaster then the question was what type of alien is mr. Spock and everyone put Vulcan which is incorrect mr. Spock is half-vulcan half-human okay I'm sure he's looking forward to having a whole new group of men underneath him anyway here's the man at the top of the pile David Brent great you know you were saying there about me being the top of the parliament right saying I'm gay I'm not gay in fact I can honestly say I've never come over a little queer you know the phrase softly softly catchee monkey I could catch a monkey if I was starving I could I'd make poison darts out of the poison off a deadly frogs one milligram of that poison can kill a monkey or a man prick yourself you'll be dead within a day or longer different frogs different times right so would you like to tell me about your individual outlook on Management sure um put David Brent is refreshingly laid-back for a man with such responsibly yeah can you can you just art on your own words and out I worked out yet um Brent mused and then replying that one do you just say what's I can wake up one morning and go oh I don't feel like working today can I just stay in bed or two no better ask the boss David can I stay in bed all day yes you can David both me I'm not that's not me in bed with another bloke called David what excuse me just procedures chairs of sitting on yep I think it's a little bit jealous that he's not getting the video game wrong I got the arse this side so don't want to be sitting where he's eating if yous wearing a skirt and could look up there attact people could come to me and they go excuse me David but you've been in business 12 years can you just spare us a moment to tell us how to and I run a team I'll keep them task orientated as well as you know happy they don't all I know is I can type in sex fetish yeah 2230 matches yeah just click on one random ah Dutch girls must be punished for having big boobs now you do not punish someone Dutch or otherwise for having big boobs anything they should be rewarded they should be equal there's good news and bad news the bad news is Neil will be taken over both branches and some of you will lose your jobs on a more positive note the good news is I've been promoted you're still thinking like the bad news I'm here today it's it's only bad news and irrelevant use yeah that's not a phrase though is it I can come and go I got some bad news and relevant news good earlier I always do in from behind if I don't like the face to the plastered you like my face tan you left I love your face I think you're beautiful hey well you can still do me from being with Emily all better in Robin I'm the OD for mine if you want she's just cooking him out he's Jesus touched that's really sweet why do we put on an email to me always aligned she left her yet yeah alright see you then she has left him I forgot about that hello yeah alright yeah ah Sheffield last night it was Denton Washington no no the eyes brilliant he's a brilliant actor and he's very good he's good Oh Oh Celia be silly is it he's not my favorite all-time by the way no my favorite act of all time is mr. Sidney Poitier we all wake up me go hike I'm not 18 anymore you know I'm 13 arms you know and the third is not but were you reading holiday motion why is that bad going on holiday what we possibly wear to States United States yeah like that do you is that because it looks like you're yeah here's identical before well mine's not that size is very very tiny but it is made of plastic why is massive and it ain't made of plastic you know how important I consider this report to be I come in and I discover that this is the fruit of your labors don't go through stuff of science or just please read the first sentence for Jennifer imagine a cross between telly addicts and Noel's house pie you've just imagined Upstairs Downstairs a new quiz show devised and hosted by David Brent David I just don't understand this what contestants run upstairs and they get a clue no not the game show and the strengths you just put accounts here that's your job oh that's just that's doesn't okay um and the weaknesses you put eczema Gareth Keenan Lisa okay okay okay okay point point wait okay yogi okay point point point okay okay Oh yogi point point point huh yeah see you later Oh No door you know I don't drink uh just give it a she gave me some wine oh wait now I don't drink you're not drink pika so it's a short shortage and he says do I not three okay tied it's nothing personal it's just based on failure why am I getting fired now I'm gonna ask you David why when there are three other forklift operators do you decide to fire me and not Anton are you keeping Anton on because he's disabled Anton's not disabled he's a David yeah but you're not decide if you're a uh-uh that's not a disability that's just small ya know Ronnie Corbett doesn't get special treatment does he Ronnie Corbett's five foot Anton's three four four look whether or not Anton is indeed a or a dwarf no he's a what's different well a dwarf is someone who has disproportionately short arms and legs oh I know the one yeah yeah yeah it's caused by a hormone deficiency yeah bloody hormones hmm a is still a dwarf but their arms and legs are in proportion sure so what's an elf an elf is a supernatural being sometimes they're invisible like fairies they don't actually exist do they in real life so is it pixie the same thing as an elf Oh knock her off what I just want to know how come you know so much about midgets it's called an education so what's it cobbling how long you gonna be mate so um when did you come up um Saturday Saturday ma'am we boyfriend or whatever drive you know um my brother came up with me okay well you got a lot of ties in Swindon on you something starting again okay I'll be going back weekends sorry sue have you got a boyfriend or not right okay we you're gonna complain yeah come and complain and I'll show you the wrong way to handle it this will be the wrong way okay right so off we go I like to my complaint please don't care well um I am staying at the hotel okay it's not my shift well you're a now Buster for though okay I think you and when I tell you what the complaint I think there's been a rape up there but so what at least about my health and if you don't got your health if you cook one leg at least haven't got two legs missing and if you have lost both legs and both arms just go at least I'm not dead oh I'd rather be dead in that situation to be honest I'm not saying people like that should be you know put down I'm saying that in my life I'd rather not live without arms and legs because you know I'm just getting to yoga for one thing so

Channel: Vijay Sridharan

Views: 7,041,533

Keywords: The, Office, uk, david, brent, ricky, gervais, gareth, funniest, funny, lines, Ricky Gervais (Celebrity)

Id: j1qtsLfZWWQ

Length: 9min 51sec (591 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 04 2008

Reddit Comments

[u/CoinsHave3Sides]

Those quotations couldn't be more poorly timed.

[u/Smittx]

"A good idea is a good idea forever"- David Brent

[u/floodster]

The best thing about the UK version is that it isn't one-liners so much as a building awkwardness and double negatives (I've never not etc). Where the American Version is a lot less awkward and built more upon catchy humor and funny faces.

This video contains the more snappy comedy but less of what sets it apart form the US version. Also, those quotations are horrible!