The Most EYE OPENING Speech On Why You're NOT HAPPY In Life... | Ed Mylett

you are the only human being with your combination of gifts that you were given whatever they are and your experience and real human beings help real human beings by being i think you gotta have a dream the school of greatness please welcome there's something unique about you ed that's no one else and i'm not saying this because you're here i don't think i've said this to anyone on the show there's someone unique about you that i don't think i've ever experienced around anyone else there's an essence there's a presence there's a power a command an authority a humble confidence there's like this essence about you thank you and i'm really curious what do you think made you you yeah what were the elements growing up that made you all the things you are now was it the you know pre-13 kind of everything that happened with your parents was it stuff more from school was it uh a relationship that really kind of flipped these things on for you what were the elements early on that made you this commanding kind presence today well thank you for that i uh thank you that's nice to hear i am because by the way i love people that have that combo like i love people a lot of self-confidence a lot of humility because people a lot of humility that have no self-confidence you're kind of dragging them through life as a friend someone with all their self-confidence no humility they're gonna burn out they're gonna make a mistake they're not curious they don't grow i think that i think even the reason i'm in the personal development space why do i believe so much that people can change i watched my dad do it and then in my case i had to learn these things man to be like a baseline functioning person so my default is personality insecure even today even today come on very much really very much how is that default you wake up and you say i'm a nobody or what what's that um i like this i'm fooling everybody if they really knew you know uh pretty some imposter syndrome mixed with just like tremendous i was bullied as a kid my dad was an alcoholic i wasn't a real big guy the only thing i wasn't good in school the only thing i was good at was sports a lot like with you you're a great athlete so my default is tons of insecurity so that's probably never going to go away the humility part so the part that i've worked on really hard is the self-confidence part and so i've got all this stuff in the book on those tips and what have i done to build it because i had to get there just to get to baseline and then i'm like this stuff works what if i refined it and made it my own and started to build these other strategies and stuff so the confidence part is the thing i'm always going to have to work on even today even with all the success and the you know the massive show and the big businesses and all the homes and everything that people see yeah the truth is what else do you need though to feel more confident i don't need other things it's an internal game i don't need other stuff in other words the the stuff is really fleeting and temporary so i don't need another you know about an island lately you know that right like when i bought this island they didn't give me they didn't make me more confident it just was something that i've always wanted to be able to do but i i it's not stuff what needs to happen for me is that i'm most confident when i'm living in my intention which is to serve which is to like help other people when i'm not doing that um wayne dyer when i met him really really young told me you're going to change the world ed mylett and i'm like and he then he i'm sure he said this to a lot of people but he complimented me i met him on a beach we watched the sun come up together in maui yeah i was running on the video that's where he lived yeah i was running on the beach was he like i never met him incredible so we became a dear friend of mine but i'm running you know you get up before the sun comes up i'm running on this i've won this incentive trip and there's this bald dude running towards me with this hairy back i'll never forget this sweaty hairy back and it was so long ago because i had a sony walkman on and he had one and he ran behind me i go that was wayne dyer and i said dr dyer you changed my life and he had this deep voice like mine and he pulls he goes well i doubt that wow and he goes i bet you changed your life but he goes how did i help you and then he walked towards me and we lit i get emotional like god's been so good to me we sat on this beach together and watched the sun come up for about an hour and a half and about an hour into it he goes you're gonna change the world and i'm sure he said this to a lot of people and he's like and it's you're very talented you're brilliant you're a good communicator you know and he goes and that's not the reason why and he was writing a book at that time called the power of intention that's great book great book incredible book and he goes you really intend to help people and he goes all these things with your father and your upbringing and all that he goes that's all made you and he goes you have such a heart to want to help people he goes would you do me a favor if we never meet again and we ended up meeting many times i said yeah he said never link your confidence to your ability because i know you struggle with your confidence if it's predicated on your abilities or your achievements you're always going to be chasing it he goes but if you link your confidence to your intentions man do you have beautiful intentions and that is something i knew about me i know i have a good heart and i've never forgotten that so when i do a podcast or a speech i just connect to my intent you know and it's it's been the one thing that's brought me confidence because if you said hey ed you'll be confident because you're great or you got a house or you have a plane i go yeah but yeah but but if you go you got to be confident because you have beautiful intentions to help everybody go mm-hmm i'm about to listen you might be right yeah yeah and that's where my confidence comes in so as an athlete i gained confidence from results from actually getting the result of becoming better right obviously that's one way to get it right i was not good and then i put in the effort and all the mistakes or the failures of the feedback what i like to call it gave me the lessons and taught me how to get better to accomplish the result that i was looking for achieve the goal win the game or just improve my abilities so i'm hearing he says link also link confidence to intention some people say link it to the effort right like the effort that you show up that you just keep showing up and others talk about the results yep should we be thinking about it there's two i have a whole i called the holy trilogy in the book of self-confidence what is this but uh the the confidence trilogy is faith have confidence so if you're a person of faith no matter what you believe in it's amazing to me how people that believe in energy quantum energy or they believe in they're a christian like me and i believe in both by the way yeah but whatever their their faith is that uh they have it on sunday they have a bible study or they have it when they get together with their friends or when they meditate but somehow when they walk into a business meeting they're alone so why are you alone then but you're not alone these other times so i'm never alone so that's number one number two is my intention and third is my associations change my confidence but here's the biggie if you don't have self-confidence here's what you have you have a really bad reputation with yourself yes you have built a habit of not keeping the promises you make to yourself we've all heard this before but there's a level i have a book chapter in the book called one more standard here's how i built what i would call almost superhuman confidence in spite of my insecurity think about that superhuman confidence in spite of my insecurity and it's exactly what you just said it's an effort play if you don't have self-confidence you've never kept the promises you make to yourself check that box if you have self-confidence you've started to keep the promises you make to yourself if you want to have superhuman self-confidence you keep the promises you make to yourself and one more so if i'm going to get up and i'm going to work out i'm going to do 10 reps in the gym i do one more i'm going to do 45 minutes on the treadmill i do one more if i want to make 10 contacts in a day i do that and one more if i'm going to tell my daughter i love her every day i'm going to do that and one more and so that higher stand because in life we don't get our goals we get our standards long term and so if your standard is one more start what starts to happen as you go i'm willing to do things other people aren't willing to do and i combine that that i have great faith great associations and i intend to help people this is a formula to build wonderful self-confidence and never lack humility when you have it so when did you learn this one more mindset was this from your dad early on or was this from my dad so we talked about this yeah you know a little bit earlier but my dad had these couple theories he would always say to me and so one was when he got sober he gave it one more try he was going to stay sober one day at a time and then my dad there's no dreaming in my house there's no like my jet you know i've had i've been blessing like multiple airplanes right in my life my jet was in almost walking distance of my dad's house he's never been on any of them wow and i would say to my dad i would say hey let's go go play golf in maui let's go there's these great golf courses in the ocean and my dad would say well why would i go all the way to maui to play golf with my favorite person my son when we can play harancino it's not about there i want to be with my son so this my family had none of that stuff but my dad knew i was a dreamer and my dad would always say you know i was one decision away from changing my life the whole time one choice and he'd say eddie you're not as far away from these dreams as you think you are and i'd say really dad and you go no you're actually a lot closer than you think but because you think it's so far away you behave in accordance with that belief system and it always keeps it that far away from you so how do we bring our dreams closer to us the first thing is that's a great question the first thing is you need to believe and know that you're one decision one relationship one meeting one book one thought one something away from a completely different life and when you know that when you then you begin to look for them and so in the second chapter of the book i have a thing in the book called the matrix and your matrix is your reticular activating system in your brain it's the filter for your entire life okay and this filter reveals to you the world that's in front of you again an example of it is i just i like what musk is doing so i just bought a tesla i drove it here i got a tesla too model x or what do you got i got a plat okay wow it's a good one nice and so i bought this plaid and all of a sudden man everywhere i go there's teslas three lanes over other side freaking tesla this is crazy they were always there why did i see them before because they weren't part of my ras so the key thing i teach you in the book how to slow down time and create the matrix of your life when you make the teslas of your life those relationships those meetings those thoughts those encounters you can very easily do this but there's a process of repeated visualization you do that's not complicated it's chapter two of the book and it will shift you the other component too i have a chapter in the book called become an impossibility thinker and a possibility achiever here's how most people's frameworks they don't have an ras program they're not intentional so they keep getting if the things most importantly are your worries fears anxieties problems bills you will continue to have people places and things revealed to you that confirm it and if you operate out of your memory and your history if this is your pattern your framework you will continue to find those things you need to learn to operate out of your imagination and your dreams this is a different framework for life imagination is different than dreaming imagination causes you to create dreams and thoughts that never happen when you imagine something you create a space once you have a thought this is powerful when you have a thought you create a space that did not exist in the world before you had that thought and that space is now exists and the way your brain works and your life works and the universe works is it tries to furnish that space whether it's a negative or a positive thought it starts to hear things it wouldn't hear that's why like when you're in a crowded room and they say louis you can hear lewis auditorily over all the noise why it's in your ras it's why you see the tesla okay so if the key thing is being able to operate on this imagination why is imagination so important when you were a child three four five years old you were probably happier than you are right now why two reasons a you were closer to god you had just been with god more recently and two you operated out of your imagination you didn't operate out of a history in a memory because you didn't have one and slowly over time by the time you were 10 11 12 years old loving people installed their limiting thoughts and beliefs their software into you because most things in life are caught not taught you catch them wow and so now you're starting to operate of history and memory and you repeat it and your res begins to see the things that reinforce that history and memory and so you basically have the same life over and over again with a different cast of characters in a different environment but the same emotions you have the same emotional home my dad used to say to me every call bro till the day he died and i'm 50 years old blah blah blah whatever time last thing he would always say to me be careful be careful careful with what i don't know i never knew but what is that programming from the time you're eight years old be careful hey go to school be careful so what that would operate on this fear thing right oh there i need to be careful need to be careful but don't make this risk don't take that business decision don't start a podcast don't get on that stage and speak don't do this don't do that you say that to an already unconfident insecure person he meant it lovingly by the time i'm 50 worth hundreds of millions of dollars be careful he didn't even know he was saying it to me but what was he doing he was installing god bless him his limiting beliefs into me as a little boy so a lot of these things that you believe you were defenseless when you started to believe them they were installed in you by loving people who were around you and even though your life may look differently your emotional home the four five six emotions you experience pretty regularly might be really familiar from your parents one or two of them right and so you need to look at your emotional home what's your most powerful emotion and the emotion that you wish you could let go of love is the most powerful emotion in the world we will all do everything for love if there were more love in the world the way we treat one another the way we express our thoughts you know you'll do anything for love right so love is by far my most powerful emotion it's like like i love you then like when i just saw you we didn't just like people we didn't just hug for like one second yeah and you do this better than i do i hold people i make it uncomfortable because i just want to hug and love other people but it's not uncomfortable bro because the reason you're so successful is you truly do love people yeah and you come from that place and i know we're bigger dudes and like like that's a beautiful expression of a man a real man is capable of real love that's a sign of real strength so that's the most powerful one and then for me i know the emotion that i wish i didn't have it's chaos really right how often do you experience chaos less because i'm aware of it but i'm going to tell you all the time till about five years ago even when we first met why i used to they used to even say this man i operate great under chaos man you should see me operate under chaos most people can't handle chaos i'm calm under pressure well the reason for that was i grew up in an alcoholic home so i'm very familiar with chaos it became a very familiar emotion and what we do is we gravitate towards the familiar emotions in our life even if they're not ones that serve us and i don't think there's negative or positive emotions i say this in the book there just are yes fear isn't negative it fear and abundance is negative but some fear being afraid to do this podcast to some extent causes us to prepare so a dose of it it was given to us in the caveman day so t-rex didn't need us right so some fear is good some anxiety is okay some frustration some anger is appropriate it's to the dosage level and we get these four or five of them for me some chaos is okay it's fun it's exciting it's exhilarating right but getting it every day every week every month all the time and so how do you get rid of it well one way you get rid of it is just be awareness when you have an awareness of a thought it loses its impact and power over you it almost becomes like this i'll do i'm like i'm doing it again aren't i i'm doing the chaos thing everything's great right now yeah yeah all the houses are paid off my kids are happy married to a great woman got great friends i'm doing the chaos thing again aren't i you dummy you're doing it again and it kind of loses its power over you so i have a chapter in the book called one more emotion and how to take an inventory of the emotions you have and so yeah man mine's definitely love and the one i don't want is chaos because chaos causes me to act out of anger and frustration it can depress me and your intentions are not going to be as i guess it's a gateway emotion chaos is my gateway emotion to the ones i don't want chaos gives me stress chaos gives me anger chaos gives me frustration chaos gives me fear so it's a gateway what is the result when you create from that space of chaos it's funny i've been i have found the ability to externally create something pretty productive right but stay with me on this but the process in getting there is destructive the process in getting there is not beautiful and i used to think a lot of successful forcing your way to get the results almost through force yeah you know and the and i still do it sometimes i'm thinking of a situation this week where i did it and i used to think well that's a superpower though because i've created all these external look what i made look what i did yeah and i'm doing it because of that the truth is i did it in spite of it you did and there's a lot of things in our lives that we have linked to our formula our recipe of success that we hold on to that you've done in spite of those things not because of those things so you're 51 now 52 51 when you were 40 on a scale of 1 to 10 of that the self-confident happiness joy scale 10 being like you loved yourself fully you were peaceful you had an abundant mindset you were had inner peace you know joy one being you hated yourself you were miserable you're in chaos 24 7. where were you on that scale at 40. okay the real answer is probably a three okay of happiness uh-huh and but if you met me i could convince you that it was probably an eight that you were super happy and you had probably a three and since your father passing where are you now probably in nine really yeah and i no longer feel the need to convince you because i've learned that this has already existed within me i didn't have to go get it i just had to allow myself to experience it and it took me a long time to treat myself in such a way that i allowed myself to feel these things that have always been there i had them when i was a little baby boy i just lost them along the way in these patterns and programs that were installed in me and my experiences and i got to share something with you brother that just dawned on me i wrote this whole book and uh two weeks ago i had this i just this is just for me and you but everybody can hear it sure and it i've always tried to disqualify myself i've always you're not this why is that it always shocks people even people that know me really well they're like not you i have that but there's no way you have it right yeah you're too confident too talented too and i don't know that i'm too talented but i think i can fake it pretty well and um i disqualify myself because you know the truth is that maybe for a while everything that i got that was love when i was a child only came when i achieved something so i started to conflate early on in my life recognition and significance with love in other words my dad would love me if hit the home run my dad will love me if i get straight a's and so then when i would feel these things but something really amazing also like i'm really big at holding myself i love to beat myself up with mistakes i've made i did this i did that i should have done this i didn't do that and i've always thought these mistakes these weaknesses of mine disqualify me from being happy or helping people and this amazing breakthrough the one decision that changed my family forever is my dad's decision to get sober and it changed my family whatever i'm talking to you because my dad made that decision and i've always been so proud of my dad for that but this is just two weeks ago 3 15 in the morning i wake up i'm crying and i wake kristiana up i go babe someone helped a dad she went what honey i said someone helped dad she says what do you mean i said babe i never thought about this and my dad's darkest worst moment of his life in some coffee shop or some room somewhere some precious soul helped my dad reached out to him talked to him talked to him and got him sober wow and i said babe that's not the powerful part and i have no idea who this person is but i wonder if they know the difference they made in max and bella's my children's lives or your life the millions of people i've helped that one decision they made and she goes oh my gosh i said i never thought about this beautiful human being i always gave the credit to my dad but some stranger helped him and i said babe this is the bananas part do you know what qualified them to help my dad their messed up life they were an alcoholic they were a drug addict little did that person know the things they were the most ashamed of the biggest mistakes of their lives when they were using drugs and drinking and stealing it that was qualifying them to change my dad's life and all of us we run around carrying these bags of i'm not qualified because i made this mistake i had this bankruptcy this relationship didn't work i did this thing you don't know about i'm so ashamed of that's why you're qualified that's the thing that qualifies you the humanness in you you are the only human being with your combination of gifts that you were given whatever they are and your experience and real human beings help real human beings by being vulnerable and transparent saying i know where you are i've messed up worse right i've made greater mistakes i felt more i know that depression i know that anxiety i know that shame i know what that feels like that beautiful soul who was a drug addict an alcoholic they didn't know all those mistakes they're making were leading them out of their heart and they finally got to a point where their intention was to help my father in the lowest moment of his life they changed my dad's life and they changed mine and maybe me and you are changing a few today because of that person's mess it's crazy is that crazy that's amazing i know i know love them and thank them that's amazing man um where's the biggest wound in the last few years that you've had to realize still wasn't fully healed for you that if it was on a deeper mending process you'd be able to go to the next level is there something that has come up that you've realized or paid attention to you like i thought i healed that fully but it's still kind of there and maybe it's holding me back from more love more peace more service more i'm great at giving love to people i've never very rarely ever allowed myself to receive it really yeah even with your family or with friends or yeah i love them but me allowing myself just to go they love me um i've never said that out loud until right now wow once i'm really worth it then i'll get around to having it i'll get it but i don't have it yet what would it take for you to be really worth it well that's the thing is like there's that that line keeps moving yeah and so that line keeps me like when i do that i'm worth a million okay but not till 10 million until 100 million until the line moves and what what where it's been healing for me lately is like i'm worthy of it now yeah i've always been worthy of it and the truth is the right type of love has no conditions on it like my children i love them unconditionally there's there's literally nothing either one of them can do to make me love them less or more and i tell them that all the time you get this or that i can't love you more and i can't love you less my daughter could worst case scenario i mean never she could literally end someone else's life and i'd be like all right um where is it let's bury the body you know like i mean like that's just you love your children unconditionally and then i realized something in my faith god loves me even more he's always loved me even more he's made me in his image and likeness and for all of you that are listening to this you were born to do something great with your life but that's not the condition to receive love all this achievement you and i are both about a max out you're about greatness the highest form of maxing out and greatness is to give and receive love yeah but you didn't receive it that well no and i think lately i'm like i feel you thank you i accept that when someone compliments me i always go yeah but you know you're and lately i go i'll take that thank you i'll take that thank you and for at first it even felt a little insincere disingenuous but i've had many more moments the last since my dad died candidly since my dad died i'm like yeah i robbed myself of that and i'll tell you what happened right before my dad died we had a conversation and my dad said to me um i'm so proud of you wow and i love you so much and he goes i said dad he goes no i want you to listen to me and he said this to me he goes i can't believe god gave you to me as my son wow and i felt holy cow i felt loved and i went he's felt that way all of his life why did i wait till his last breaths to receive it and i'm not going to do that again in my other relationships i'm not going to wait till they're gone my dad's impact you and i are both talking about our dads my dad's impact is far greater on me now than it was when he was gone and you don't need to wait for that you need to wait around for that in your life you can receive it now and i allow myself to receive it much more often now there's probably nothing that you regret that you would change differently in your past about situations because it's made you who you are but let's just say you were going back to before you got married yep is there anything that you would do differently with yourself in the relationship or as you were starting to have kids about emotions connection intimacy receiving giving love is there anything you change tons the biggest one is my lack of presence really i was always in the future which is a good place to be i'm not a guys in the past a lot because then you're innovating you're resourceful you're creating something from nothing that's powerful you're not a past guy but i'm a future guy but the truth is the best people are able to be in the present and still operate be in the future but but be present in the present time and i don't i didn't do that very well there's a lot of times man when my kids would do things and now christine goes do you remember when bella and i'll go i don't remember she goes but you were actually there but i wasn't so would i change that yes i should have given myself the gift of being more present where i was and i i do that very well now i'm very much a present person you turn your phone off after you get home and you put in your car or whatever you do you spend 10 minutes closing things out and then you go in the house and you connect yeah i do yeah i have strategies for it because i know me and then anger um you were angrier then way more i'm an intense dude in fact people who see me now on social that knew me back then i'd be like wow man like you've really changed i just thought that my intensity and even what moved into anger was strength because i saw it my dad because he got results certain results and i think i modeled it a little bit my dad was a yeller when he was before he was sober and even a little bit after truth be stowed and my dad would operate my dad could go to anger pretty quickly yeah and i used to think that's what a man did i've watched my dad in many physical fights many angel games i watched my dad side of the freeway i watched we came out of church one sunday saint dennis catholic church in diamond bar some guy said something my dad didn't like in the donut line oh and we got in the car and my dad calls the guy over to the car he says hey what did you say bam and head butt's the guy at church in the parking lot in front of all the other parishioners right so i think i modeled a little bit i didn't do anything like that but i modeled hey anger men men can do that thing you know don't disrespect me you know that whole thing yeah and so i had a lot of that when i was young like don't you know i'm going to assert my authority yeah and as i got older it's almost become funny to me and what it be what the change for me was having kids i'm like if someone ever spoke to my daughter or my son the way that i have talked to some of these people that have been around me and for someone like you that knows me now they'll be like there's just no way man oh no man i really did i really said things i regret i really did things that were out of anger too often and and um i don't like that guy he hasn't been around for a while but every once in a while he'll rear his head a little bit he can be there once in a while but what makes you angry today anytime i see someone operating out of anger i think they're afraid yeah and so for me it's uh when do i get angry i got angry today today i said recently i had one of those episodes so my show got posted today and someone on my team posted it incorrectly and it wasn't on youtube oh yeah okay and so my default when that happened was anger who did this what happened right of course but what was i really i was afraid i was afraid the show wouldn't do well i was afraid it would be embarrassing i was afraid the guest was going to be upset with me so when i operate out of anger it's always fear i'm always free but what about back in the day when you're hard on people i was afraid i was gonna be broke i was afraid we were gonna lose the business i was afraid this situation was gonna happen i was afraid someone was gonna shame me so i'm gonna get in front of it and be angry with them so for me anger is just a manifestation of fear and when i see it in other people men or women i have empathy for them because i know they're afraid yeah and i really do believe that i think anger is always a result of some type of fear what do you think is the biggest things that hold all of us back from achieving our dreams faster three biggest things well one is the proximity to it we really do believe it's further away like we honestly believe this thing is like a 20-year thing and so because we believe that we keep it there and we miss out on these you know possibilities in our life the second one is i have a chapter in the book called on equanimity i say one more level of equanimity equanimity is our ability to be calm under duress so i said earlier slow things down the greatest athletes that we admire can slow things down under pressure they're calm if you think of a tom brady who's everybody's example in this age is that when it's the noisiest and the crowds the craziest and it's the playoffs it's the highest stakes for the average person everything speeds up and they lose control good friend of both of ours michael chandler fought this last weekend it's great great win and normally michael he's one of the greatest fighters in the world but when he has been in duress in some of his fights things speed up and he starts to do this brawl mode and i watched him in this fight things started to not go his way and he slowed things down and he started to show some equanimity under duress and that's when things slow down we can perform at our best so the second thing i would say is equanimity the third thing is i have a whole chapter in the book on the way you manage time and this is just there's so many heavy things in the book but the idea that still people manage a day in 24 hours is hilarious to me that this archaic concept that a day is 24 hours is bananas like the 24-hour day was just made up by somebody about the sun and the earth going around each other building you know 100 million years ago or whatever it was and this is before there was electricity there were cars there was the internet there was a smart phone so you're going to tell me i should measure my day the same duration of time i calibrate time when the same dude didn't have the internet well i used to have to do a project in high school we'd have to go to the encyclopedia go down to the library and research for hours and hey my kids can google something in 10 seconds now and get i can text message you instead of mailing you something that takes a month to get to you so i've shrunk my days my days now are from my first day is from 6am to noon in that day it's called a mini day six a.m to noon i get into that day whatever i want some days are chill some days are faith some days are working out but the amount we've all had that morning where you go i got done more this morning than i have in three weeks right so why can't that be every day and it is i can tell you so my first day is six a.m to noon at noon a clock goes off we're in day two and i re-evaluate really quickly for five seconds what just happened what did i do what do i need to do more of next day is noon to six pm i'm gonna get the same amount of business context faith fun whatever it is in that ecstasy in that day third day is 6 p.m to midnight it's a third day this gives me three days in one day i get 21 days a week if i get 21 days a week you get seven stacked it up over a month a year five ten years i'm going to smoke you in life right and i've bended and manipulated time so that my accountability is different it's not the end of the day or end of a week or enter a month it's at the end of a basically a six or eight hour window that's interesting and other people respond to you differently because what is scarce is valuable people begin to respond to you differently when your time is more scarce when it's more precious and so it's completely changed my life the last 25 years running many days as opposed to 24 hour days huge yeah so those three things you're you're probably one of the best enrollers i've ever met enroll enrollment for me is the key to really accomplishing your dreams enrolling yourself that you're confident enough and have the skills and the tools to develop what you need to to to have what you want the relationship the career the business the life the health but also enrolling others in your vision in your dreams where did you learn this skill of enrollment of saying i've got this idea it's in the future most people think it's 30 years away i think it's three months away which seems impossible and i'm gonna call these five people and convince them essentially but enroll them in a vision that they didn't even know was a possibility in their mind yes you're gonna speak this vision into them into their souls and then they're gonna say yes vote for you sign up for something listen to something interview with you have paid to speak or whatever it might be give you lots of money all these different things how did you learn the art of enrollment okay that's great question and and in the book i have this whole chapter on leadership and vision but like you asked the best questions bro i love you so two ways one a couple very special coaches that i had in my life that were great visionaries and for some reason i've always been fascinated with great orators so i did my dissertation in college on dr king whatever your politics are i think two of the great orators of all time are ronald reagan and john f kennedy both of the different parties i just think they're tremendous orators and they were great at painting these big visions and then i read a book called selling the dream a long time ago written by a guy named guy kawasaki and he's the guy that basically helped like apple with macintosh selling the dream selling the dream and um he's a really unique dude and so a few times yeah and so what the book's premise was this is that great leaders are evangelical about their cause they're evangelists and they do that through public preaching but they sell a big enough dream so that the dreams of all the people within their stewardship can fit inside the one they're selling so even for you with this whole media empire you're building one of your big roles man is to sell a big enough dream for everybody that gets around you guests vendors advertisers the guys that work with you the ladies that work with you that it is so big and so compelling that all of their dreams and visions for their life can sit and fit inside that one yeah and then the key thing is to repeat it over and over and over most leaders get tired of hearing themselves talk and you know what and by the way this is true as being a mother or a father as a father my job to celebrate we're gonna do something awesome as a family i know dad no we're gonna do something awesome you're amazing you're a superstar i know that doesn't matter i'm telling them over and over and over again most leaders think i got to say something new to these old people but the truth is you need to say something old to new people keep saying it over and over and over again sell it big look at all the people you admire in your life they're visionaries who are evangelical about their mission and their cause not necessarily the money or the cause what's the cause think about oprah winfrey think about martha stewart think about dr king think about mother teresa think about any leader think about steve jobs you watch old videos of steve jobs he wasn't selling megabytes i've asked i've asked i've asked wozniak several times tell me about steve what was he like i said by the way why did you name the thing apple just curious man what a weird name for a company back when companies running goes well you know in in wozniak's is almost like a savant he goes oh well really two reasons that a came early in the phone book so we wanted people to find us early and steve said apple's made him happy and so great evangelists learned to link their cause and their mission to people's bliss you could look at an old youtube video of steve jobs and he's rolling out a mac he's not like here's the speed he's like isn't she beautiful when you like look at her curves wouldn't she make you happy to take her home he's selling happiness in an inanimate object mcdonald's number one seller of food in the history of planet earth that one meal happy meal number one older real estate they don't sell food they sell happiness right their number one meal is a happy meal their mascot's a clown it has nothing to do with food but they're in the evangelical dream selling happiness business what's the number one thing they sell in there coca-cola are you gonna coke and uh smile happiness so great entrepreneurs great parents great people have this energy where they're selling you a dream that's big enough that you can fit inside it and the dream at the end is happiness yes that's the formula oh man um so why do you think people are stuck on i'll never be able to be good enough to accomplish what i want the dreams are not possible for me what keeps them stuck though what keeps them stuck is this false belief system that their past is their future so they're operating out of an operating system of their memory and their past so how do we let go of the past well we have to create a compelling future in other words you're not going to let go of one thing until you've grabbed on to the next you have to create a new feature you have to create a future and by the way it's okay that you don't believe all of it initially as long as it becomes repetitive and we begin to take steps towards it right so it's it's for me i still have stuff from my past that's there but this future is so big and by the way some things are okay people go why do you still work so hard well i want to create there's still a little part of me that doesn't want to be broke there's still a little bit of fear it's so i've said you're not broke yeah but you've interviewed some of the most successful actors entertainers so by and you get them privately and sometimes on your show they go you afraid it's going to go away they go yeah i am that's why i work so hard so there's an element of that that's okay it's creating this vision for your life that's compelling but there's this other thing i love think and grow rich it's one of my favorite books of all time next to my scripture is my favorite book but you don't just think and get rich you have to do things and by the way rich can mean more bliss more happiness more peace but you don't just get those things by thinking there's some things you have to do but the most powerful part of think and grow rich man is he has this party says can you survive the temporary and if you can survive the temporary he says on the other side of temporary pain you get introduced to your other self and that other self he doesn't say this but that other self produces that other life and so here's what happens for most of us we think everything's permanent and because we think it's permanent we make permanent decisions based on temporary conditions even our bodies other than our souls are temporary i was with my dad holding his hand when his body ceased to exist wow his soul exists still but if your body isn't permanent your problem isn't your pain isn't you need to create a different relationship with pain in your life the idea that you're going to avoid pain i have a chapter in the book called one more inconvenience chase difficult inconvenient things like what like what is something you're chasing that's incredible in a given day the phone call you don't want to make the meeting you don't want to have driving out here there's a friend of mine who i'd like to help me with the book it's incredibly uncomfortable phone call for me it's the thing i don't want to do today i don't want to bother them it's inconvenient and for me in my life the inconvenient thing on the page is the one that now jumps off the screen at me that i must do for most people their relationship with the pain and the inconvenience is to avoid it avoid so if you could be yeah but if you could say to yourself on the other side of this is this other self and so whatever your pain is right now relationships just ended financially something that's difficult for you to do maybe you're trying to lose weight whatever it might be on the other side of that temporary pain is the other self i the thing i gotta say to you last man on this topic in the book i have this part about pinata and what most of us as humans don't do is we don't understand compound pounding the relentless pursuit of something you're making what i call invisible progress in your life like your show has gone boom everyone goes wow lewis went from 400 000 to millions of subscribers he's the number one guy that didn't just happen this year it's our 10th year you were compound pounding on this sucker when no one was doing this exactly but here's the pinata thing i go to this party it's five-year-olds how do you want to go to the party it's five-year-old kids like what am i doing here but it's a good friend they have a pinata we've all been to him first kid gets up hits the heck out of the pinata like a hundred times no candy comes out next kid gets up quack quack nothing next kid whack whack whack these three now quit they're gone another part of the party there's three or four kids left everyone's losing interest everyone's pounding on this thing what they didn't know is each of those blows was breaking down the pinata although there was no evidence it was true the last boy gets up i swear to actually it's a little girl last girl gets up she goes wham hits it one time bam all the candy comes out and everyone celebrates in people's lives so was it her blow that broke the piano no it was the cumulative shots most people don't wait around for the candy they quit before the candy comes out of their relationship of their body of their business of their bliss of their meditation it takes time but you're making invisible progress if you ever start to get down or know what to do give yourself credit for the compound pounding you're doing you're not sticking around long enough for the candy to come out and that's what you need to be doing if you're going to change things what's the most inconvenient thing you had to do in the last i don't know 10 years that was like that created the biggest breakthrough in your business or life this being a public person really yeah speaking about i didn't do this for a long time never existed it for until like five years yeah about five six years ago this um when you're so insecure and you're so shy which i know is still weird for people to know because i can be when i'm with a friend yes you get this but i'm really introverted and um like i'm on the road i get room service you know i i stay in if i was at a mall and we went to high school together i would love to say hello to you i'm probably going to duck into a store and hide just because i i don't know it's not that i don't love it i do i remember i was just saying this to someone coming out here today oh rob dierdick and i were talking driving out here and he goes man it's a lot of work having a book and i said yeah and i go you know what bro i remember when no one wanted to read what i had to write right so i'm really really grateful for it at the same time that part of expressing myself and being open and being vulnerable and by the way i do it in droves now i fully embrace if you watch my social media or me i'm like hey i'm having a bad day you know this is not one of these this is a day i'm not doing crap that's in my book you know i didn't do anything that's in the book today and so i uh i've embraced it fully and i love it but the most difficult thing for sure was um expressing myself publicly in public speaking anything public public public and yet i'm you know you're an incredible post speaker one of the best thank you i i i thank you and it was usually on the most inconvenient thing on the other side of it is not just your other self but your greatest gift is revealed to you absolutely and so for me most of my greatest gifts have been revealed of me doing the really uncomfortable inconvenient thing on the other side of it i meet this version of me i'm like ah the whole time i could have been really good speaker this thing i was the most afraid of that i thought i sucked the most at might be one of my greatest gifts right that's nuts i get a lot of this from you like overcoming the fears the insecurities the dreaming this stuff is what excites me but a lot of people also want to learn how to make a lot of money sure they want to learn how to build their business so they want to learn how to accelerate the growth financially right they want to get out of a scarcity mindset into an abundance mindset yeah financially what would you say if you could only share three things that you could do or if you could take away everything else and you can only do three things to build a business or generate wealth okay you got to strip away all the other skills or assets that you had but these three things you could only do to get you as much as you possibly wanted what would that be for you okay the first thing is that you have to identify what you're great at doing and stop trying to play life at the things that you're mediocre at doing so i know what i'm good at doing and there's a very limited group so made it easy to pick from it's not like i had 80 things i'm good at like really two things i've made hundreds of millions of dollars with these two things and ironically let me say this to you also that thing you're great at may have been born out of your biggest pain absolutely so and this is a gift that you have as well but one of my major gifts is my ability to read people and to be present with them why i had an alcoholic dad yeah when he would come through that front door i had three little sisters and a mom and this five-year-old little boy would have to look up at his hero is he drunk or sober is he walking is he slurring is this or is his tie tied correctly or is it loose how's he moving how's he talking and if it was drunk dad i need to get my sisters upstairs and mom should go take a shower he was sober dad we're great but i would have to read this man and so that allowed me to learn to be present you know it's a terrible way to learn to do it but i did then the second skill would kick in i can talk i would grab his hand and my sisters go upstairs say daddy i hit a home run in a baseball game today i got a 90 on my spelling test how was your day what did you do and i would talk and change his state and as i grew up those two gifts have made me a lot of money in business my ability to be present and listen the ability to talk so what are your gifts what are two or three it could be your nurturing skills your intellect your problem solving your intensity your passion your calmness your peace your humor whatever it is the second thing that i would say is that you have to get in the business of truly caring about people i know that sounds real generic but people matter things don't when i worked at the orphanage and i walked into the orphanage that changed my life and i know you know that story my little boys were eight to ten years old here's what they wanted from i want everyone to hear this very carefully get nothing else out of the show than this if you only get one thing these boys needed someone to love them care about them here's a big one almost no one does for another human being believe in them and they just show them how to do better yeah we say it again love care believe and show them how to do better when i left the orphanage and went into business i figured out they weren't unique every human ed how do you coach the top politicians or ceos of them care about them believe in them and then show them how to do a little bit better whatever it is so that's number two and then the third thing is you have to become obsessed you have to become obsessed this has to become an obsession of yours you know our obsessions become our possessions and the truth of the matter is that most of you don't understand the effort the time the focus the obsessiveness that's required to do something great with your life you want to do something great you better be great at it greatness rises so if you can get really good at those three things listen why are you so good at this why is it business you're great at this the the the whole idea of greatness is the concept of the show but you have to get great and you have to be intentional you have to be obsessed and if people knew behind the scenes this thing's very easy but i know your schedule yeah i know what you put into this i know what the time is i know what the relentless pace is i know what the focus is how much you think about i know this has to be something that's just infectious and when people get around you that emanates and there's an energy and there's like this person's just gonna will this to happen right and when you have that you have to be cognizant of your energy you're always making people feel something so take control of what they're feeling and so i think just most people dramatically us underestimate the amount of obsessive crazy relentless focus it takes to be great at something yes and then they go well i don't want to be that out of balance or control then you don't want to be great because there's going to be a period of your life not out of balance but where some things take priorities over others it's not a lack of balance nothing's like this all of the time and by the way the hardest working you've ever been the most crazy focus you've ever been was the happiest you've ever been in your life you go back well when i was studying for my master's degree whatever you're like weren't you crazy focused you were busy all the time if you're a mother and you're carrying this baby and this the hardest thing you've ever do is carry this baby plus you had a job and you're bringing this person it's the happiest times of your life or when you're the most you feel out of control you're the most obsessed is when you're the happiest it's this just flawed belief that if i do nothing if i just have ah i'm gonna be super happy you weren't there's plenty of oz i meditate every morning i pray every morning so it gives me the energy and clarity of mind to do something great but this notion that that brings bliss that nothingness doing nothing expand no expansion of your being no contribution is going to make you happy this is a flawed belief you're literally moving from the very things that will make you happy this notion that you're not growing and expanding you're not contributing you're not evolving your spirit was born all the cells in your body regenerate themselves your digestive tract is brand new every six months to a year your lung tissue regenerates your skeletal system regenerates about every six to eight years like you're constantly being reborn all the time internally so externally and in your heart and your soul and your spirit and your brain you should be as well these are the things that make us happy not not just doing nothing right having a purpose having a mission an intention it's what gets you up it's what you were born for that mission by the way maybe to serve other people and to to bring peace to them great but have something i mean you're at a stage right now 51 you're going into the the 50s decade you've accomplished so much you've you know made so much you've got the homes the plan i've been to a lot of your homes i've been in a plane of years i've seen the lifestyle it's an amazing lifestyle that you've created for yourself you had nothing you had a vision in your mind and then you got yourself to that vision yeah what excites you for this next decade what are you thinking about now that you have everything externally let's say i'm sure you want to create more and build more but what is the main mission for the next nine years of this decade i want people bro so glad you said this i believe all this stuff's connected i'm not like this is an entrepreneur but sometimes i come across that way i believe entrepreneurs and business people in general are the change agents in the world i don't believe it's going to come from a political movement i believe that entrepreneurs like ourselves are the people that are gonna change the world and i believe the planet's at a tipping point and i think that we're trending in a direction where we're people so many people feel invisible so many people feel that they lack something there's a lack of kindness and gentleness and love particularly expressed by business people business people in general the last 30 years have contributed to this in a major way the brutal nature of business the cutthroat nature of it and i think the next 10 years that entrepreneurs hopefully people like myself that are in the thought leader space can begin to show people that entrepreneurs are the ones who can bring the most love and change and solutions to people's lives and for me because i do have this platform i want everyone to feel seen i want people to know you do matter that person that alcoholic and drug addict that helped my dad mattered big time yeah and you matter and we need more people to come to you and say you matter and here's the actual reasons why you matter it's not just a saying you matter because of this and i want to give people the tools and the resources to do it i really would love to think that when i'm done that all of us collectively have turned the corner on this way we treat one another in the world yeah concerns me so deeply man that uh my experience every single day with most people is that we have a lot in common and that we really do want to love and care for one another and that sometimes success gets in the way of that the financial pursuit gets in the way but some of these thought leader entrepreneurs that are so aggressive about money money money money money and i don't mind that because i think that that money can do a lot of good but i believe there's a more beautiful and elegant way to get there i don't think business has to be brutal um i think that there's an elegant and beautiful way to create wealth in your life and bliss that's there's not a lot of examples of and i intend to be one of those examples and for those that want to become more entrepreneurial but maybe have that fear of believing in themselves would you say there's a shift in the mindset between scarcity and abundance when it comes to money like do you remember a time when you didn't have any yes and then it started to shift and it started to really roll was there like a shift in the mindset or what yeah i was raised thinking that wealth people got their money kind of through some ill-gotten means and that uh you know that maybe you had to be a little bit cutting corners or shady or something to get money yeah little stuff or whatever yeah just you know maybe just hurt people to get it is what i thought and so yeah i started to have when i started to make some money i used to we christian and i when we were kids we actually live on the actual beach i used to walk on with my wife when they were in high school i know isn't that crazy it was good lagoon and i would say babe i'm gonna get you one of these houses someday and and she goes you will i go yeah how i don't know yet but i'm gonna get you one of these houses i would ask my dad i go dad who are these people that live in these ocean who are they they're like martial over there where are they my dad go i don't know but man i wonder how they got there you know i don't know and then what i would do is i'd go touch my dream once in a while so like on a weekend i'm gonna be like you do this yeah you move towards what you're most familiar with right so i would go hey babe let's go if i make 12 sales this month or xyz we're going to do one night at the ritz carlton in laguna beach in dana point and we'd go down there and get the valet and i'd give the dude my keys and feel like a big shot i had like five bucks to tip him you know and then we'd check into the hotel and she'd go get a massage and i'd go play golf then we'd hang out at the pool and have a nice bottle of wine just one night every 60 days touch it and then go back then we do it again and we do it again then we do it again all of a sudden i became familiar you do it every week your mind starts to become familiar with this dream right and then i'd meet the people that were there i was like these are actually pretty nice people a lot of them are very kind many of them are very charitable not all of them but you know what not all of the broke people i know are very kind in fact these are just human beings that have solved people's problems that are willing to take risks that are willing to dream and so the more familiar i became with my dream and the people associated with them the more i became comfortable the more i thought i belonged there over time you begin to believe you belong in your dreams when you touch them periodically and so for me it just was this periodic shift of actually a lot of them have helped people yeah it's cool a lot of them make a difference and you know that as well you've interviewed some of the richest people in the world and not all of them are great people yeah but about the same percentage that are broke are good people exactly what's the one skill you would like to develop in the next nine years i'd like to develop the skill of more presence and i want my meditation abilities to expand i'm a pretty good meditator but i think there's another level i could get to of emptying my mind more regularly i would like to be able to do that i would like to have the skill of being more comfortable in public environments i'm good in them but um maybe a lot of people can relate to this i'm very drained when it's over yeah another feeling you know yeah and i'd like to be charged up by being around people more than i am drained by it it's not that i don't love them i do but there's an element of me that's working at it and it's um because my love for people's off the charts i know you have to relate to it you have so much energy when you're on stage you bring you know all of it all of it so do you right you know what that's like and so i'd like to have that ability to enjoy that more um and i think probably the pathway to doing it though is my meditation and so for me it's just i want to grow that part of my life and what that muscle that's powerful man uh i'm so excited about this book i got to dive into some of it i want to get to the rest of it though thank you but the power of one more the ultimate guide to happiness and success i can't recommend enough to buy a few copies of this give it to your friends do a book club and share this out on social media the power of one more it's gonna be very inspiring book free it's gonna help you transform the way you think your emotions your actions so make sure you guys get a few copies of this book uh and make sure to support ed follow you on social media you've got an amazing podcast i had a great time when i was on there you have some incredible people and you ask amazing questions as well so make sure you check out your show um social media you're mostly on instagram and youtube yeah you on any other places i'm on i'm on twitter and facebook and all that but you know my podcast is on all the platforms too all the audio platforms yeah yeah but in my let.tom is where they should get the book you can get your book anywhere go anywhere books are sold and if you go to thepowerofonemore.com okay there's great tools on there that will help you with the book enhance the experience of the book and it's a heavy book i'll be honest there's a lot of tactics and strategies in there so if you want to read a heavy book that'll really help you there's it does not lack for details i love this man um how else can we be of service to you oh brother i want to see you keep changing the world i want you to continue to grow i'm so proud of you i love you you're the future thanks man and um i mean you know i told you i got in here today i'm just watching you shine makes me so happy and i just want you to be enjoying and loving your life and the way that everybody can help me is just be kinder to people and be kinder to yourself and really really begin to operate out of your dreams and your imagination if you're a praying person those dreams and your imagination are a form of prayer and they can be answered absolutely um this is a question i've asked you before it's called the three truths so imagine it's your last day on earth many years away you get to accomplish everything you're the best meditator in the world now you're more present loving all these all these things you know you've accomplished everything and you've been the man you want to be yeah but for whatever it is reason it's the last day and this could be any time in the future uh and you you can't leave behind the wisdom that you've shared the books the podcasts the videos it's all gone for whatever reason hypothetical but you have three things you can leave behind three lessons to the world this is all we would have okay of your wisdom what would those three truths be for you one there's a god in heaven who loves you that made him made you and your image and likeness in his image and likeness so there's a god in heaven two you were born to do something great with your life in big ways and small ways just like that person who helped my dad they thought that was a small thing it may not be on instagram it may not get 20 million likes or views but you were born to do something great i'm going to say that to you again you you were born to do something great with your life you are not average and ordinary and the third thing is this there's a power to doing one more and if you'll do one more you're one decision one relationship one meeting one encounter one thought one podcast interview one book away from a completely different life you don't lack vision you lack depth perception you think you're further than you are and you keep keeping it in that distance because you think it's so far away you're one more way i'll give you the last example of it played golf two weeks ago with this dude everyone says you gotta meet this dude he's uh you similar net worth i show up to the first tee he goes man ed my left big fan i can't wait to spend the next five hours talking about you i go that ain't how it's gonna work bro i already know about me i wanna know about you and he goes well i can tell you the whole thing on the first tee i go give it to me you gotta hear this louis he goes 1986 i loaned a guy 50 grand so did my best friend i said you both owned him 50 grand yep he was a week later my friend got cold feet asked for the money back i kept the loan it turned into 750 million dollars holy cow i said come again he goes 7.50 i said who'd you loan that money to jeff bezos oh he didn't matter i said come on man are you serious he goes yeah i go man you really were one decision away one relationship away from totally changing your life he goes yeah now that's an extreme example i don't have one of those but i'm a series of those one mores in your life and so is everybody listening to this so you're one away one relationship one meeting one person one thought away from changing your life that's a good story i know before i ask the final question i would acknowledge you ed for the way you constantly show up you're such a giver to so many people to myself so many of our peers my friends that are friends of yours as well uh every time i'm around you there's an energy that you bring that is it's infectious in a positive way thank you and you and just your way of being instills belief in other people you deal with me you do it with so many other people you do with people that are just listening or watching that don't get to experience you in person so i really acknowledge you for the constant transformation you're on and i really am inspired by the model you've developed you know as a human being so i just really appreciate you your friendship your generosity your your message everything about you man and hopefully i can i gotta play golf with you someday i haven't played in years i've played like once in five years probably beat me right out of the game i'm not that good man but it would be fun to just hang out with me too have some lemonade yeah that's what i drink lemonade lots of lemonade but i acknowledge you man i appreciate you and i'm very excited about this book and the message and your ability to serve so many people for the rest of your life thank you final question what's your definition of greatness my definition of greatness is that your life matches your vision for it that you create a life that matches your vision for your life and that's greatness no matter what that looks like for you i have a sister who i think lives greatly and she's blind my middle sister andrea is blind and she's a schoolteacher she can't drive she can see some stuff but she can't drive she can't grade papers but she spends her entire life using the gifts god gave her that formula i gave earlier of serving other people her gifts are she's a fourth grade christian school teacher and doesn't make a lot of money and she's living a greatness she's living in greatness and she's taken her nurturing skills her patience her ability to teach her height she's 411 so she's the same height as all the students and she's living greatly and so she's living her dream and to me that's this living in the service of others using your gifts to serve them and your life matches your dream for your life is living a great life and my sister's a great example of that so andrea ward who used to be andrea mylett is living a great life and she'd be a great example wow it's beautiful and milette appreciate it man love you brother i love you man you should have man but i also again me needing a team even though i was the reporter and they're the players and the coaches that was they're my team for my own mental health like i latched on to them i needed that so it took me again overall 11 years to get a full-time job wow but i just kept going i kept crying and

Channel: Lewis Howes

Views: 284,029

Keywords: Lewis Howes, Lewis Howes interview, school of greatness, self help, self improvement, self development, personal development, success habits, success, wealth, motivation, inspiration, inspirational video, motivational video, success principles, millionaire success habits, how to become successful, success motivation

Id: RrSBoHAfZiA

Length: 62min 35sec (3755 seconds)

Published: Wed Jun 08 2022