DO THIS For 7 Days To Manifest The FUTURE YOU WANT! | Ed Mylett

how do we bring our dreams closer to us the first thing is that's a great question the first thing is you need to believe and know that you're one decision one relationship one meeting one book one thought one something away from a completely different life and when you know that people a lot of humility that have no self-confidence you're kind of dragging them through life as a friend someone with all their self-confidence no humility they're going to burn out they're going to make a mistake they're not curious they don't grow i think that i think even the reason i'm in the personal development space why do i believe so much that people can change i watch my dad do it and then in my case i had to learn these things man to be like a baseline functioning person so my default personality is uh insecure even today even today come on very much really very much how is that default you wake up and you say i'm a nobody or what what's that um i lack this i'm fooling everybody if they really knew you know uh pretty some imposter syndrome mixed with just like tremendous i was bullied as a kid my dad was an alcoholic i wasn't a real big guy the only thing i wasn't good in school the only thing i was good at was sports a lot like with you you were a great athlete so my default is tons of insecurity so that's probably never going to go away the humility part so the part that i've worked on really hard is the self-confidence part and so i've got all this stuff in the book on those tips and what have i done to build it because i had to get there just to get to baseline and then i'm like this stuff works what if i refined it and made it my own and started to build these other strategies and stuff so the confidence part is the thing i'm always going to have to work on even today even with all the success and the you know the massive show and the big businesses and all the homes and everything that people see yeah the truth is what else do you need though to feel more common i don't need other things it's an internal game i don't need other stuff in other words the the stuff is really fleeting and temporary so i don't need another you know about an island lately you know that right like when i bought this island it didn't give me they didn't make me more confident it just was something that i've always wanted to be able to do but i i it's not stuff what needs to happen for me is that i'm most confident when i'm living in my intention which is to serve which is to like help other people when i'm not doing that um wayne dyer when i met him really really young told me you're going to change the world ed mylett and i'm like and he then he i'm sure he said this to a lot of people but he complimented me i met him on a beach we watched the sun come up together in maui yeah i was running on the video that's where he lived yeah i was running on the beach was he like i never met him incredible so we became a dear friend of mine but i'm running you know you get it before the sun comes up i'm running on this i've won this incentive trip and there's this bald dude running towards me with this hairy back i'll never forget this sweaty hairy back and it was so long ago because i had a sony walkman on and he had one and he ran by me i go that was wayne dyer and i said dr dyer you changed my life and he had this deep voice like mine and he pulls out he goes well i doubt that wow and he goes i bet you changed your life but he goes how did i help you and then he walked towards me and we i get emotional like god's been so good to me we sat on this beach together and watched the sun come up for about an hour and a half and about an hour into it he goes you're gonna change the world and i'm sure he said this to a lot of people and he's like and it's you're very talented you're brilliant you're a good communicator you know and he goes and that's not the reason why and he was writing a book at that time called the power of intention that's great book great book incredible and he goes you really intend to help people and he goes all these things with your father and your upbringing and all that ed he goes that's all made you and he goes you have such a heart to want to help people he goes would you do me a favor if we never meet again and we ended up meeting many times i said yeah he said never link your confidence to your ability because i know you struggle with your confidence if it's predicated on your abilities or your achievements you're always going to be chasing it he goes but if you link your confidence to your intentions man do you have beautiful intentions and that is something i knew about me i know i have a good heart and i've never forgotten that so when i do a podcast or a speech i just connect to my intent you know and it's it's been the one thing that's brought me confidence because if you said hey ed you'll be confident because you're great or you've got a house or you have a plane i go yeah but yeah but but if you go you got to be confident because you have beautiful intentions to help everybody go i might have to listen to you you might be right yeah yeah and that's where my confidence comes so as an athlete i gain confidence from results from actually getting the result of becoming better right obviously that's one way to get it right i was not good and then i put in the effort and all the mistakes or the failures of the feedback what i like to call it gave me the lessons and taught me how to get better to accomplish the result that i was looking for achieve the goal win the game or just improve my abilities so i'm hearing he says link also linked confidence to intention some people say link it to the effort right like the effort that you show up that you just keep showing up and others talk about the results yep should we be thinking about it there's two i have a whole i call it the holy trilogy in the book of self-confidence what is this but the confidence trilogy is faith have confidence so if you're a person of faith no matter what you believe in it's amazing to me how people believe in energy quantum energy or they believe in they're a christian like me and i believe in both by the way yeah but whatever their faith is that they have it on sunday they have a bible study or they have it when they get together with their friends or when they meditate but somehow when they walk into a business meeting they're alone so why are you alone then but you're not alone these other times so i'm never alone so that's number one number two is my intention and third is my associations change my confidence but here's the biggie if you don't have self-confidence here's what you have you have a really bad reputation with yourself yes you have built a habit of not keeping the promises you make to yourself we've all heard this before but there's a level i have a book chapter in the book called one more standard here's how i built what i would call almost superhuman confidence in spite of my insecurity think about that superhuman confidence in spite of my insecurity and it's exactly what you just said it's an effort play if you don't have self-confidence you've never kept the promises you make to yourself check that box if you have self-confidence you've started to keep the promises you make to yourself if you want to have superhuman self-confidence you keep the promises you make to yourself and one more so if i'm going to get up and i'm going to work out i'm going to do 10 reps in the gym i do one more i'm going to do 45 minutes on the treadmill i do one more if i want to make 10 contacts in a day i do that and one more if i'm going to tell my daughter i love her every day i'm going to do that and one more and so that higher standard because in life we don't get our goals we get our standards long term and so if your standard is one more start what starts to happen is you go i'm willing to do things other people aren't willing to do and i combine that that i have great faith great associations and i intend to help people this is a formula to build wonderful self-confidence and never lack humility when you have it so when did you learn this one more mindset was this from your dad early on or was this from my dad so we talked about this you know a little bit earlier but my dad had these couple theories he would always say to me and so one was when he got sober he gave it one more try he was gonna stay sober one day at a time and then my dad there's no dreaming in my house there's no like my jet you know i've had i've been blessing like multiple airplanes right in my life my jet was in almost walking distance of my dad's house he's never been on any of them wow and i would say to my dad i would say hey let's go go play golf in maui let's go there's these great golf courses in the ocean and my dad would say well why would i go all the way to maui to play golf with my favorite person my son when we can play harancino it's not about there i want to be with my son so this my family had none of that stuff but my dad knew i was a dreamer and my dad would always say you know i was one decision away from changing my life the whole time one choice and he'd say eddie you're not as far away from these dreams as you think you are and i'd say really dad and you go no you're actually a lot closer than you think but because you think it's so far away you behave in accordance with that belief system and it always keeps it that far away from you so how do we bring our dreams closer to us the first thing is that's a great question the first thing is you need to believe and know that your one decision one relationship one meeting one book one thought one something away from a completely different life and when you know that when you then you begin to look for them and so in the second chapter of the book i have a thing in the book called the matrix and your matrix is your reticular activating system in your brain it's the filter for your entire life okay and this filter reveals to you the world that's in front of you again an example of it is i just i like what musk is doing so i just bought a tesla i drove it here a tesla too model x or what do you got i got a plat okay wow it's a good one nice and so i bought this plaid and all of a sudden man everywhere i go there's teslas everywhere they're everywhere like well i see everybody three lanes over other side freaking tesla this is crazy they were always there why did i see them before because they weren't part of my ras so the key thing i teach you in the book how to slow down time and create the matrix of your life when you make the teslas of your life those relationships those meetings those thoughts those encounters you can very easily do this but there's a process of repeated visualization you do that's not complicated it's chapter two of the book and it will shift you the other component too i have a chapter in the book called become an impossibility thinker and a possibility achiever here's how most people's frameworks they don't have an ras program they're not intentional so they keep getting if the things most importantly are your worries fears anxieties problems bills you will continue to have people places and things revealed to you that confirm it and if you operate out of your memory and your history if this is your pattern your framework you will continue to find those things you need to learn to operate out of your imagination and your dreams this is a different framework for life imagination is different than dreaming imagination causes you to create dreams and thoughts that never happen when you imagine something you create a space once you have a thought this is powerful when you have a thought you create a space that did not exist in the world before you had that thought and that space is now exists and the way your brain works and your life works and the universe works is it tries to furnish that space whether it's a negative or a positive thought it starts to hear things it wouldn't hear that's why like when you're in a crowded room and they say louis you can hear lewis auditorily over all the noise why it's in your ras it's why you see the tesla okay so if the key thing is being able to operate on this imagination why is imagination so important when you were a child three four five years old you were probably happier than you are right now why two reasons a you were closer to god you had just been with god more recently and two you operated out of your imagination you didn't operate out of a history in a memory because you didn't have one and slowly over time by the time you were 10 11 12 years old loving people installed their limiting thoughts and beliefs their software into you because most things in life are caught not taught you catch them wow and so now you're starting to operate of history and memory and you repeat it and your res begins to see the things that reinforce that history and memory and so you basically have the same life over and over again with a different cast of characters in a different environment but the same emotions you have the same emotional home my dad used to say to me every call bro till the day he died and i'm 50 years old blah blah blah whatever time i last thing you would always say to me be careful be careful and i go careful with what i don't know i never knew but what is that programming from the time you're eight years old be careful hey go to school be careful so what that operated on this fear thing right all the time i need to be careful you be careful but don't make this risk don't take that business decision don't start a podcast don't get on that stage and speak don't do this don't do that you say that to an already unconfident insecure person he meant it lovingly by the time i'm 50 worth hundreds of millions of dollars be careful he didn't even know he was saying it to me but what was he doing he was installing god bless him his limiting beliefs into me as a little boy so a lot of these things that you believe you were defenseless when you started to believe them they were installed in you by loving people who were around you and even though your life may look differently your emotional home the four five six emotions you experience pretty regularly might be really familiar from your parents one or two of them right and so you need to look at your emotional home what's your most powerful emotion and the emotion that you wish you could let go of love is the most powerful emotion in the world we will all do everything for love if there were more love in the world the way we treat one another the way we express our thoughts you know you'll do anything for love right so love is by far my most powerful emotion it's like like i love you then like when i just saw you we didn't just like people we didn't just hug for like one second yeah and you do this better than i do i hold people i make it uncomfortable because i just want to hug and love on people but it's not uncomfortable bro because the reason you're so successful is you truly do love people yeah and you come from that place and i know we're bigger dudes and like like that's a beautiful expression of a man a real man is capable of real love that's a sign of real strength so that's the most powerful one and then for me i know the emotion that i wish i didn't have it's chaos really i how often do you experience chaos less because i'm aware of it but i'm going to tell you all the time till about five years ago even when we first met why i used to i used to even say this man i operate great under chaos man you should see me operate under chaos most people can't handle chaos i'm calm under pressure well the reason for that was i grew up in an alcoholic home so i'm very familiar with chaos it became a very familiar emotion and what we do is we gravitate towards the familiar emotions in our life even if they're not ones that serve us and i don't think there's negative or positive emotions i say this in the book there just are yes fear isn't negative it fear and abundance is negative but some fear being afraid to do this podcast to some extent causes us to prepare so a dose of it it was given to us in the caveman day so t-rex didn't need us right so some fear is good some anxiety is okay some frustration some anger is appropriate it's to the dosage level and we get these four or five of them for me some chaos is okay it's fun it's exciting it's exhilarating right but getting it every day every week every month all the time and so how do you get rid of it well one way you get rid of it is just be awareness when you have an awareness of a thought it loses its impact and power over you it almost becomes like this i'll do i'm like i'm doing it again aren't i i'm doing the chaos thing everything's great right now yeah well the houses are paid off my kids are happy married to a great woman got great friends i'm doing the chaos thing again aren't i you dummy you're doing it again and it kind of loses its power over you so i have a chapter in the book called one more emotion and how to take an inventory of the emotions you have and so yeah man mine's definitely love and the one i don't want is chaos because chaos causes me to act out of anger and frustration it can depress me and your intentions are not going to be as i guess it's a gateway emotion chaos is my gateway emotion to the ones i don't want chaos gives me stress chaos gives me anger chaos gives me frustration chaos gives me fear so it's a gateway what is the result when you create from that space of chaos it's funny i've been i have found the ability to externally create something pretty productive right but stay with me on this but the process in getting there is destructive the process in getting there is not beautiful and i used to think a lot of successful forcing your way to get the results almost through force yeah you know and the and i still do it sometimes i'm thinking of a situation this week where i did it and i used to think well that's a superpower though because i've created all these external look what i made look what i did yeah and i'm doing it because of that the truth is i did it in spite of it you did and there's a lot of things in our lives that we have linked to our formula our recipe of success that we hold on to that you've done in spite of those things not because of those things like anything in life things happen for you not to you that injury happened for me it certainly didn't seem like it at the time but it got me out of that and into something like what we're talking about now that completely changed my life so yeah but yeah i want to be an athlete for sure all my life all your life that was my mask and then when it exactly and then when it ended your identity was like who am i right yes lost yeah like a lot we and i were just telling this before we went on yeah you know our professional athlete friends were their career changes i went into a like anybody like whatever your dream is when the first one ends it doesn't happen whether that be a relationship it could be your marriage it ends it was a dream right or a business venture or a sport i went into a pretty good depression and how old were you at the time 21 22 and i ended up you know it's because people always see the after like the house or whatever houses or whatever the material things are but i ended up bad man i ended up depressed i ended up moving back at home with my parents i was living in the city i remember i was living in this sleeping of the same bed i grew up in with the same teddy bear the same posters like going back in time like six years i'm back where i was totally unemployed and uh couldn't find work didn't have the motivation to get up and find a job just sort of eating out of their fridge and laying around all day so that's where i was many many years ago after baseball and did you finish college as well or i did finish college got my degree and then we're back home for a bit where was home home is southern cal diamond bar california is where i grew up where is that uh border of like l.a and orange county okay kind of middle america about an hour away or whatever yeah if there's no traffic we could get there in an hour today right now take us three hours chino hills area right right there yeah in fact right next to chino hills corona hills yeah yeah very good that's where my girlfriend's from that's why i know that she is yeah i lived in chino hills for about eight years wow yeah after i became relatively okay wow yeah amazing i know that area that's cool yeah uh so you stayed at home for a while and then did you instantly get into the financial services or think i'm going to be you know selling life insurance and these type of services or what was your what was your vision the last thing i ever wanted was to be a financial service i have no background on that no degree in that no i didn't have any interest in it and um i knew nothing about it so no another blessing happened another thing like god's favor right so i'll give you the reader's digest version because it's everything when when you realize things in your life happen for you truly especially in hindsight everybody knows it in hindsight right if you look back at any disaster tragedy most people look back five ten years ago that happened for me that was actually a good thing and so i was unemployed i couldn't find a job and my old man my dad was the best dad role model you could ever have in your life hard-working man good man it's better man than me has more integrity than me he's the best man i've ever known but when i was growing up my dad had a drinking problem and so my dad had gotten sober recently and he was going to these meetings and he comes home from one of his meetings and says there's a guy at my meeting who can get you a job it's right down the street in san dimas you're going to be working with kids doesn't pay anything at six bucks an hour but you're going to get this damn job so show up there tomorrow morning 8 a.m ask for tim so i walked out i drive down there it's a place called mckinley home for boys little did i know that would alter my entire life that was the most significant thing that happened to me and so i walk in there i said i'm at my let i'm here for the job they're like what job i'm like i don't know just my dad told me to show up here yeah and i need to ask for tim they're like we have no idea who the hell tim is what's his last name i said i i don't i don't know his last name and they're like so you showed up for a job that you don't know what it is and you don't know who it is that's hiring you i'm like here's what i know he's an alcoholic like oh yeah we know that too and so they bring me to the guy and he says uh you're hired let's go like literally shakes my hand and you're hired and he introduces me to these eight boys that were my boys they were seven eight and nine years old and basically i lived with these boys these precious boys and we ended up adding a few more my boys were all wards of the court they were all molested by family or parents were in prison and so they had no family and so my whole life changed all of a sudden these became i'm this 22 year old guy these guys become my sons wow and i did holidays with them i did birthdays with them i lived with them literally in a home or like a literally mckinley is a massive campus full of children that have been displaced from their homes that live in individual like cottages like a foster care facility massive though really yep all boys it's in san dimas here and um wow it just altered my life man because i had been an athlete had a huge ego had that mask i wanted to compete i wanted to win i wanted attention i wanted recognition first time literally in my life i went wow i i love helping people i love making a difference and my boys were just come from horrendous situations and so just i always say this all the time and i have those eyes too you have them i think sometimes kids who grow up with some dysfunction they just have different eyes yeah they just have these eyes that are these boys all were different but they had that same eyes they're just like man love me believe in me you know care about me and i had those eyes because i grew up in an alcoholic family and my whole life changed i just went wow i love i actually love helping people and being involved in people's lives i didn't know that because everything was you're great you're great you know what it is when you're an athlete right everything's about you you're amazing free dinners free this you're a stud all of a sudden i was in a stud and all of a sudden it wasn't about me it was about these 10 boys that ended up being 10 of them and it just altered my life man and so after that i ran into the financial business that i ended up in but i would have completely flunked out of that financial business had i not been with my boys for those years and i was there for two years two years yeah man like eight hours a day type of thing or sometimes more sometimes 16 18. i i think about i'm not kidding you i think about my boys and my experience there two of them are still very close with me uh every day there's a moment where i reflect on that it altered me completely like what i wanted to do i always wanted to be famous and rich and successful and now i just wanted to serve yeah i wanted to help little did i find out i could get rich and famous and all that other stuff i thought i wanted through serving people right and so just altered me man big time wow yeah that's a powerful story thank you how are those kids doing now have they um one of my boys is gone he was killed uh one of my boys and um the rest of them are all you know stand-up members of society two of my boys i would say have become very very successful men my boys were all i saw all the stuff that comes in that environment too like the over medication i'd be handing them these pills and i'd watch them normal and then them change their states change them get slow and sluggish and it was uh it's it's a it's a it's a it makes you appreciate the things in your own life that you have you know someone always has it worse and you just know that here's what i found out ironically those kids aren't different than other people in the sense that every single human being wants you to love them and care about them and believe in them even the most macho dudes in the world the way you connect is that you just love that person and care about them and believe in them the most famous pro athlete buddies of both of ours the reason why people how do you know these guys how are you friends with them because i don't worship them i love them and care about them and believe in them and even they want that they're no different than my nine-year-old boy at mckinley i figured out all humans want to connect all humans want love and connection all humans want you to care about them and believe in them and help them and i've just not forgotten it like all of a sudden what it's not just these boys i could do this with my business partners with my clients with people that i meet with guys like you when i meet him and so i'm always just conscious of even a stud like you all the attention you get the fame all that you still want people to love you to believe in you to care about you to help you right first thing you said to me how can i help you man yeah what can i do for you what can i give how can i serve you like it's just a rare soul right and so you i give you a bottle of champagne by the way what's really good that you don't drink because you have no idea how damn expensive that bottle is it's a really good model so anyway that's cool man i really like that and so how did the transition from working with these kids to financial services come about did someone scout you and recruit you or uh uh basic i was working there one my best friend ended up being best man on my wedding his dad had left his job to go to work for the company at the time and said hey i think your background in athletics you're competitive you know you seem to you know like people i think you'd be good at this and so i kept my job at mckinley and part time i started in the financial services industry and started to build a team of people and started to get my licenses and that transition and i struggled like every upstart entrepreneur does i think it's like three to five years until you really get a few clients you know not in any business i don't care if it's financial services tech dry cleaners entrepreneurs the first five years is just full of false starts yeah you get to go and then you don't you get it going you take a step forward you take three back it's constant false starts it's constantly thinking you have it going it's constantly negotiating in your mind the price you're paying is it worth it should i quit should i give in i'm constantly i spent the first five years daily contemplating quitting yeah all the time it wasn't fun and and even there's just a part of you i think in anything you're doing when you're struggling is this really for me is this my destiny should i be doing this and we misread failure from some sign you know is this a sign i shouldn't be doing it you know is this a sign i am you know not cut out for this instead of looking for signs that you can win right and so i spent the first five years literally trying to find ways to quit trying to find ways to get out struggling and struggling and struggling and i went broke i lost a car i had the water turned off in my place i you know i had a i bought my first house i ended up having it foreclosed on eventually so i'm not that house with the unicorns that you saw right or my beach place like that's all they after people don't realize that there were just years and years of of grinding and struggling and worrying in the beginning and then then i made some mental changes and some shifts that altered my life then again so i've always tried to disqualify myself i've always you're not this why is that it always shocks people even people that know me really well they're like not you i have that but there's no way you have it right yeah you're too confident too talented too and i don't know that i'm too talented but i think i can fake it pretty well and i disqualify myself because you know the truth is that maybe for a while everything that i got that was love when i was a child only came when i achieved something so i started to conflate early on in my life recognition and significance with love in other words my dad would love me if hit the home run my dad would love me if i get straight a's and so then when i would feel these things but something really amazing and also like i'm really big at holding myself i love to beat myself up with mistakes i've made i did this i did that i should have done this i didn't do that and i've always thought these mistakes these weaknesses of mine disqualify me from being happy or helping people and this amazing breakthrough the one decision that changed my family forever is my dad's decision to get sober and it changed my family there ever i'm talking to you because my dad made that decision and i've always been so proud of my dad for that but this is just two weeks ago 3 15 in the morning i wake up i'm crying and i wake christiana up i go babe someone helped a dad she went what honey i said someone helped dad she was what do you mean i said babe i never thought about this and my dad's darkest worst moment of his life in some coffee shop or some room somewhere some precious soul helped my dad reached out to him talked to him talked to him and got him sober wow and i said babe that's not the powerful part and i have no idea who this person is but i wonder if they know the difference they made in max and bella's my children's lives or your life the millions of people i've helped that one decision they made and she goes oh my gosh i said i never thought about this beautiful human being i always gave the credit to my dad but some stranger helped him and i said babe this is the bananas part do you know what qualified them to help my dad their messed up life wow they were an alcoholic they were a drug addict little did that person know the things they were the most ashamed of the biggest mistakes of their lives when they were using drugs and drinking and stealing that was qualifying them to change my dad's life and all of us we run around carrying these bags of i'm not qualified because i made this mistake i had this bankruptcy this relationship didn't work i did this thing you don't know about i'm so ashamed of that's why you're qualified that's the thing that qualifies you the humanness in you you are the only human being with your combination of gifts that you were given whatever they are and your experience and real human beings help real human beings by being vulnerable and transparent saying i know where you are i've messed up worse right i've made greater mistakes i felt more i know that depression i know that anxiety i know that shame i know what that feels like that beautiful soul who was a drug addict and alcoholic they didn't know all those mistakes they're making were leading them out of their heart and they finally got to a point where their intention was to help my father in the lowest moment of his life they changed my dad's life and they changed mine and maybe me and you are changing a few today because of that person's mess it's crazy is that crazy that's amazing i know i know love them and thank them that's amazing man um where's the biggest wound in the last few years that you've had to realize still wasn't fully healed for you that if it was on a deeper mending process you'd be able to go to the next level is there something that has come up that you've realized or paid attention to you're like i thought i healed that fully but it's still kind of there and maybe it's holding me back from more love more peace more service more i'm great at giving love to people i've never very rarely ever allowed myself to receive it really yeah even with your family or with friends or yeah i love them but me allowing myself just to go they love me um i've never said that out loud until right now wow once i'm really worth it then i'll get around to having it i'll get it but i don't have it yet what would it take for you to be really worth it well that's the thing is that there's that that line keeps moving yeah and so that line keeps me like i want to do that i'm worth a million okay but not till 10 million until 100 million until the line moves and what what where it's been healing for me lately is like i'm worthy of it now yeah i've always been worthy of it and the truth is the right type of love has no conditions on it like my children i love them unconditionally there's r there's literally nothing either one of them could do to make me love them less or more and i tell them that all the time you get this or that i can't love you more and i can't love you less my daughter could worst case scenario and never she could literally end someone else's life and i'd be like all right um where is it let's bury the body you know like i mean like that's a this is you love your children unconditionally and then i realized something in my faith god loves me even more he's always loved me even more he's made me in his image and likeness and for all of you that are listening to this you were born to do something great with your life but that's not the condition to receive love all this achievement you and i are both about a max out you're about greatness the highest form of maxing out and greatness is to give and receive love yeah but you didn't receive it that well no and i think lately i'm like i feel you thank you i accept that when someone compliments me i always go yeah but you know you're and lately i go i'll take that thank you i'll take that thank you and for at first it even felt a little insincere disingenuous but i've had many more moments the last since my dad died candidly since my dad died i'm like yeah i robbed myself of that and i'll tell you what happened right before my dad died we had a conversation and my dad said to me um i'm so proud of you wow and i love you so much and he goes i said dad goes no i want you to listen to me and he said this to me he goes i can't believe god gave you to me is my son wow and i felt holy cow i felt loved and i went he's felt that way all of his life why did i wait till his last breaths to receive it and i'm not going to do that again in my other relationship relationships i'm not going to wait till they're gone my dad's impact you and i are both talking about our dads my dad's impact is far greater on me now than it was when he was gone and you don't need to wait for that you need to wait around for that in your life you can receive it now and i allow myself to receive it much more often now there's probably nothing that you regret that you would change differently in your past about situations because it's made you who you are but let's just say you were going back to before you got married yeah is there anything that you would do differently with yourself in the relationship or as you were starting to have kids about emotions connection intimacy receiving giving love is there anything you change tons the biggest one is my lack of presence really i was always in the future which is a good place to be i'm not a guy who's in the past a lot because then you're innovating you're resourceful you're creating something from nothing that's powerful i'm not a past guy but i'm a future guy but the truth is the best people are able to be in the present and still operate be in the future but but be present in the present time and i don't i didn't do that very well there's a lot of times man when my kids would do things and now christine goes do you remember when bella and i'll go i don't remember she goes but you were actually there but i wasn't so would i change that yes i should have given myself the gift of being more present where i was and i i do that very well now i'm very much a present person you turn your phone off after you get home and you put in your car or whatever you do you you spend 10 minutes closing things out and then you go in the house and you connect yeah i do yeah i have strategies for it because i know me and then anger um you were angrier then way more i'm an intense dude in fact people who see me now on social that knew me back then i'd be like wow man like you've really changed i just thought that my intensity and even what moved into anger was strength because i saw it my dad because it got results certain results and i think i modeled it a little bit my dad was a yeller when he was before he was sober and even a little bit after truth be stowed and my dad would operate my dad could go to anger pretty quickly yeah and i used to think that's what a man did i've watched my dad in many physical fights many angel games i watched my dad side of the freeway i watched we came out of church one sunday saint dennis catholic church in diamond bar some guy said something my dad didn't like in the donut line and we got in the car and my dad calls the guy over to the car and says hey what did you say bam and headbutts the guy at church in the parking lot in front of all the other parishioners right so i think i modeled a little bit i didn't do anything like that but i modeled hey anger men men can do that thing you know don't disrespect me you know that whole thing yeah and so i had a lot of that when i was young like don't you know i'm going to assert my authority yeah and as i got older it's almost become funny to me and what it be what the change for me was having kids i'm like if someone ever spoke to my daughter or my son the way that i have talked to some of these people that have been around me and for someone like you that knows me now they'll be like there's just no way man no man i really did i really said things i regret i really did things that were out of anger too often and and um i don't like that guy he hasn't been around for a while but every once in a while he'll rear his head a little bit he can be there once in a while but what makes you angry today anytime i see someone operating out of anger i think they're afraid yeah and so for me it's uh when do i get angry i got angry today today is a i said recently i had one of those episodes so my show got posted today and someone on my team posted it incorrectly and it wasn't on youtube oh yeah okay and so my default when that happened was anger who did this what happened right of course but what was i really i was afraid i was afraid the show wouldn't do well i was afraid it would be embarrassing i was afraid the guest was going to be upset with me so when i operate out of anger it's always fear i'm always free but what about back in the day when you're hard on people i was afraid i was going to be broke i was afraid we were going to lose the business i was afraid this situation was gonna happen i was afraid someone was gonna shame me so i'm gonna get in front of it and be angry with them so for me anger is just a manifestation of fear and when i see it in other people men or women i have empathy for them because i know they're afraid yeah and i really do believe that i think anger is always a result of some type of fear the identity we have and how sometimes when we start to see some momentum we'll sabotage it to go back to the identity where i think we're in right we see growth we see an opportunity wow i can't believe this person wants to interview me or i can get you on this show or i remember going on ellen the first time and being like who am i to be on this show and was terrified i'm sure and it took a minute to kind of get in the flow and be like you know what don't sabotage this just enjoy it right just like do the best and that's all i can ask for that's so true and you get better every time you get into those situations but i think a lot of us sabotage and just stay stuck in the same spot well the hard part about that too is that you're so right so there's this governor on our lives and it is a governor and it's a it's your identity it's this internal it's what you think you're worth it's what you think you deserve and the problem for good people see we all know someone right now in our life or we have who's not ethical who's not a good person who's winning and you're like i can't believe they're getting it right why can't i i'm a good person i treat people well i'm honest here's the reason why by the way the unethical person eventually karma you reap what you sow comes home to roost but if you're a good person this is so important people understand this because it took me a long time a good person in any endeavor will only take from it what they think they deserve what they think they're worth in other words if there was a pizza here you're a good person you don't take all 12 pieces a good person thinks there should be an equitable distribution i'm a little bigger so i might take seven or eight you know and i would arm wrestle you for it i don't know about that you're a moose but but long story short what is is that you a good person will not take more from the table of life than they think they're worth or they think they deserve and so you have this governor on your identity so what happens is our it's like a thermostat our lives get going we start doing really well if we're a 75 degree and our life gets to 85 and 90 degrees unconsciously we go we don't know we're doing it we start to cool life back down to get it back to where we're comfortable the reverse is also true when things start to go really bad and you're broke and you're struggling you find a way to heat your life back up to what you think you're worth and you deserve so the way we alter our life is sure we got to alter our behavior and our relationships and our circumstances but the only way it's permanent is that we alter that governor that thermostat and we start to believe we're worth 85 degrees of life 95 degrees of life 110 degrees of life and there's ways we can alter that how do we alter it a couple different ways a one is what you just said is that you put yourself in circumstances that are demanding of you past what you think your capacity is and when you succeed at them you build a new water line you do you you throw yourself out there past where you're comfortable and you you do an 85 degrees behavior and you knock it out of the park you go your brain starts to believe it repetitiously when you start doing that you build a new line now you're 85 degrees that's number one the second way though is association if you're around people and whatever that endeavor is if it's a sport you're in or if it's a business or your faith or your peace if you begin to associate with people who live in that space at a higher temperature than you through association you get heated up yeah and so if you're an athlete for example you're a 70 degree athlete and you start training all the time with 85 and 90 degrees your identity through osmosis goes up if you're a person who's trying to improve their faith in their life or their their personal peace about them you all know this you've seen it when you start to hang around people that are a little bit more peaceful than you or meditate a little bit more through that association over time the thermostat changes in that area and so it's both behaving in certain way and then your association's easily changed i believe that i was i trained with the usa national handball team for for many years and they were great players on our team in the usa team but a lot of them weren't at a world-class level and so i was playing with good players but they couldn't teach me new things right yeah so i decided i was going to go to spain for about a week and a half to play with one of the top professional teams in spain because i just wanted to see if i could play with them and what it was like to train at that level and man it was the level of intensity was so high with these guys the training the lifting the on-court experience it was so much faster it felt 10 times faster and it got me you know the first two days i was like what am i doing and just messing up dropping the ball you know messing up constantly but then towards the end i was like man i could play on this team yeah like i can be on this team and they offer me a contract to play the whole season really now i was just doing so much of my business that i couldn't stay for the next four months in spain so i came back it's about four years ago four and a half years ago it was that recent yeah about four years ago wow because i wanted to play professionally in spain and i just had too much going on here that i that i brought it back but right when i came in the right move though yeah it was the right move and right when i came back and i was playing with the team again i just felt like another level like i felt another level of confidence uh proficiency effectiveness i just felt like i was at another level well you combined both you did both of the things right surround yourself with people surrounded yourself and so you're at a different level of association and you extended your level of play by having to play at their level right you did both things so boom you're altered and in 10 days like my confidence went up a whole nother level yep and i've been playing for four or five years already that's incredible just like 10 days of a shift i can imagine playing a whole season i'd be a completely different player and that's why like things that like is why i love your content too because i think also the way you do that is associating at distances so like when i read a book i don't just kind of read the words i pretend that i'm living with that author for that week and there i'm associating with that author like they're my friend during that week i don't just read their words i try to associate with them for the full value to affect me that's why the programs you offer the books you've written that's another way to alter identity because unless you just read it for the content but if you read it to associate with lewis you read it to associate with napoleon hill you read it to associate with wayne dyer or whoever it is that you're reading that's when it can really alter you it's just a slightly different perspective on following someone on instagram or going to a program or reading is just associate with them call them your friend because and this is the last thing i'll say on that the highest form of influence that we have isn't like associations it's friends if you think about it with your kids right if you have children who do you really worry about them hanging around so they're teachers their teachers are associations mentors right that's a mentor and they sculpt them and shape them and and help improve their lives but who really do they behave like they behave like they're friends and so i don't want mentors i want friends and so even if i'm reading one of your books you're my like when i met you i was already familiar with you i felt a kindred spirit ship with you like because i had already i already was your friend even though you didn't know it yeah you weren't my mentor mentors are school teachers i want friends and so even if it's from a distance even if i have to pretend it that's where i let the influence happen to me change my identity so yeah that's cool yeah um i'm curious now again you started the new industry in the financial services young agent 23 25 years old how old you are right in there uh getting your you know going to class to get your licenses and all these things i remember doing this as an intern for northwestern mutual life getting i can't remember what they were called now they tried to hire me too do they yeah i was almost to work for them and uh man those classes just it was hard for me to study those things i it took me i had to i passed on the third try me two three times and if you if you fail in the third one you have to wait a year or something right and i was like i was like sweating me too um it's funny so you did that and then when did you really start to realize like oh i'm actually making some money like i'm taking off i'm building like my agency within this company and oh i'm not poor like i made a hundred grand and now i'm doubling that and it's growing yeah that's a great question because i made a hundred grand my third year but i was still poor and so right it's interesting that you say that because i thought wow when i get to a hundred grand then i'm really gonna be rich you know then i'm really successful but i didn't equate taxes and put money back into my business and my overhead and those things you're buying suits and you're buying other stuff that's like exactly what it was like i did i had to have all this i got to tell you the funniest thing i wanted to look rich so badly when i was young that i couldn't you're not going to believe this is a true story i could not afford a real mercedes and at the time there were these kit cars out right so i found on autotrader don't remember this i'm buying my suits i'm trying to look successful i'm this young goofball entrepreneur and i found a eight thousand dollar chrysler lebaron that had been converted into a mercedes-benz 500sl i swear with the kid on it except this thing was so poorly put together it was velcro i'm not kidding it was a velcroed on so remember this they stripped down a lebaron the inside silhouette and the frame i'm not kidding you the frame of the car was a velcro together kit card i spent 8 000 bucks on this thing wow and i drove that sucker to clients houses with my agents trading them and the best thing about this car is the most embarrassing two years of my life because first off it was about three feet longer than a real mercedes so people who really knew mercedes when they would drive by me on the freeway they're pointing at me and laughing i'm just driving along in my cheap you know men's club suit but when i would stop at stop lights i would stop at a stop light if i stopped too soon the front light would fall out of the car oh my gosh the velcro would come off and i'd have to get out of the car at the light pick the light back up velcro it back onto the car at the intersection and a constant battle with this thing falling apart as i would drive it picture this and so i finally quick story i get pulled over in lodi california and this cop pulls me over and i've got all my agents where to retreat so i've got like 15 cars behind me i'm driving my mercedes that they all think is a mercedes right and i get pulled over and the cop pulls me over so all my agents pull beside me on this country road and they watched the cop kind of interact with me and all of a sudden the guy goes get out of the car i said why am i getting the car he goes you know exactly why you're getting out of this car imagine this so you saw coeur d'alene in the beach house that's not the real me at the time this is me right this is where i start and so he gets me out of the car he handcuffs me he puts me in the back of my car and all my agents are watching i swear man and so finally he comes over he goes you know why you're back here i said i have no idea i wasn't speeding i didn't run a stop sign he said this is a stolen car we ran the plates i'm like did they not title the car when i bought it and then it but 20 minutes later on back the car oh my gosh the plates say this is a chrysler lebaron except he's looking at a mercedes so i finally call the cop over the cargo officer he's got three police officers now with them three cars i go sir that's really not a stolen car sorry go stop it it's a chrysler you know i said sir if you will go pull on the door of my car if you'll just pull the door it'll come right off it's velcroed on there he's just staring at me like are you is this a d is this turning into a dui i'm like no sir really that's not a mercedes wow it's a chrysler lebaron and he i watch him walk over with the other officer they look at the car they kind of look at each other and he goes boom and he pulls my door off the car and he holds it up and all the officers fall out laughing on the side of the road and he's spinning my car door in his hand and he comes back over and gets me out of the car and sticks the door back on my car and i drive off into the sunset so i was a fake it till you make it sure big time you've never had that story on your show that's good i like it you never have that story that's true story what do you think is the biggest things that hold all of us back from achieving our dreams faster three biggest things well one is the proximity to it we really do believe it's further away like we honestly believe this thing is like a 20-year thing and so because we believe that we keep it there and we miss out on these you know possibilities in our life the second one is i have a chapter in the book called on equanimity i say one more um level of equanimity equanimity is our ability to be calm under duress so i said earlier slow things down the greatest athletes that we admire can slow things down under pressure they're calm if you think of a tom brady who's everybody's example in this age is that when it's the noisiest and the crowds the craziest and it's the playoffs that's the highest stakes for the average person everything speeds up and they lose control good friend of both of ours michael chandler fought this last weekend it's great great win and normally michael he's one of the greatest fighters in the world but when he has been in duress in some of his fights things speed up and he starts to do this brawl mode and i watched him in this fight things started to not go his way and he slowed things down and he started to show some equanimity under duress and that's when things slow down and we can perform at our best so the second thing i would say is equanimity the third thing is i have a whole chapter in the book on the way you manage time and this is just there's so many heavy things in the book but the idea that still people manage a day in 24 hours is hilarious to me that this archaic concept that a day is 24 hours is bananas like the 24-hour day was just made up by somebody about the sun and the earth going around each other building you know 100 million years ago or whatever it was and this is before there was electricity there were cars there was the internet there was a smartphone so you're going to tell me i should measure my day the same duration of time i calibrate time when the same dude didn't have the internet well i used to have to do a project in high school we'd have to go to the encyclopedia go down to the library and research for hours and hey my kids can google something in 10 seconds now and get i can text message you instead of mailing you something that takes a month to get to you so i've shrunk my days my days now are from my first day is from six a.m to noon in that day it's called a mini day six a.m to noon i get into that day whatever i want some days are chill some days are faith some days are working out but the amount we've all had that morning where we go i got done more this morning than i have in three weeks right so why can't that be every day and it is i can tell you so my first day is six a.m to noon at noon o'clock goes off we're in day two and i reevaluate really quickly for five seconds what just happened what did i do what do i need to do more of next day is noon to 6 p.m i'm gonna get the same amount of business context faith fun whatever it is in that ecstasy in that day third day is 6 p.m to midnight it's a third day this gives me three days in one day i get 21 days a week if i get 21 days a week you get seven stacked it up over a month a year five ten years i'm going to smoke you in life right and i've bended and manipulated time so that my accountability is different it's not the end of a day or end of a week or end of a month it's at the end of a basically a six or eight hour window that's interesting and other people respond to you differently because what is scarce is valuable people begin to respond to you differently when your time is more scarce when it's more precious and so it's completely changed my life the last 25 years running many days as opposed to 24-hour days huge yeah so those three things you're you're probably one of the best enrollers i've ever met enroll enrollment for me is the key to really accomplishing your dreams enrolling yourself that you're confident enough and have the skills and the tools to develop what you need to to to have what you want the relationship the career the business the life the health but also enrolling others in your vision in your dreams where did you learn this skill of enrollment of saying i've got this idea it's in the future most people think it's 30 years away i think it's three months away which seems impossible and i'm going to call these five people and convince them essentially but enroll them in a vision that they didn't even know as a possibility in their mind yes you're going to speak this vision into them into their souls and then they're going to say yes vote for you sign up for something listen to something interview with you how paid to speak or whatever it might be give you lots of money all these different things how did you learn the art of enrollment okay that's great question and and in the book i have this whole chapter on leadership and vision but like you asked the best questions so two ways one a couple of very special coaches that i had in my life that were great visionaries and for some reason i've always been fascinated with great orators so i did my dissertation in college on dr king whatever your politics are i think two of the great orators of all time are ronald reagan and john f kennedy both of the different parties i just think they're tremendous orators and they were great at painting these big visions and then i read a book called selling the dream a long time ago written by a guy named guy kawasaki and he's the guy that basically helped like apple with macintosh selling the dream selling the dream and um he's a really unique dude yeah and so a few times yeah and so what the book's premise was this is that great leaders are evangelical about their cause they're evangelists and they do that through public preaching but they sell a big enough dream so that the dreams of all the people within their stewardship can fit inside the one they're selling so even for you with this whole media empire you're building one of your big roles man is to sell a big enough dream for everybody that gets around you guests vendors advertisers the guys that work with you the ladies that work with you that it is so big and so compelling that all of their dreams and visions for their life can sit and fit inside that one yeah and then the key thing is to repeat it over and over and over most leaders get tired of hearing themselves talk and you know what and by the way this is true as being a mother or a father as a father my job is celebrating we're going to do something awesome as a family i know dad no we're going to do something awesome you're amazing you're a superstar i know that doesn't matter i'm telling them over and over and over again most leaders think i got to say something new to these old people but the truth is you need to say something old to new people keep saying it over and over and over again sell it big look at all the people you admire in your life they're visionaries who are evangelical about their mission and their cause not necessarily the money or the cause what's the cause think about oprah winfrey think about martha stewart think about dr king think about mother teresa think about any leader think about steve jobs you watch old videos of steve jobs he wasn't selling megabytes i've asked i've asked i've asked wozniak several times tell me about steve what was he like i said by the way why did you name the thing apple just curious man what a weird name for a company back when companies running goes well you know in wozniak is almost like a savant he goes oh well really two reasons that a came early in the phone book so we wanted people to find us early and steve said apple's made him happy and so great evangelists learned to link their cause and their mission to people's bliss you could look at an old youtube video of steve jobs and he's rolling out a mac he's not like here's the speed he's like isn't she beautiful when you like look at her curves wouldn't she make you happy to take her home he's selling happiness in an inanimate object mcdonald's number one seller of food in the history of planet earth that one meal happy meal number one older real estate they don't sell food they sell happiness their number one meal is a happy meal their mascot's a clown it has nothing to do with food but they're in the evangelical dream selling happiness business what's the number one thing they sell in there coca-cola were you gonna coke and uh smile happiness so great entrepreneurs great parents great people have this energy where they're selling you a dream that's big enough that you can fit inside it and the dream at the end is happiness yes that's the formula oh man um so why do you think people are stuck on i'll never be able to be good enough to accomplish what i want the dreams are not possible for me what keeps them stuck though what keeps them stuck is this false belief system that their past is their future so they're operating out of an operating system of their memory and their past so how do we let go of the past well we have to create a compelling future in other words you're not going to let go of one thing until you've grabbed on to the next you have to create a new feature you have to create a future and by the way it's okay that you don't believe all of it initially as long as it becomes repetitive and we begin to take steps towards it right so it's it's for me i still have stuff from my past that's there but this future is so big and by the way some things are okay people go why do you still work so hard well i want to create there's still a little part of me that doesn't want to be broke there's still a little bit of fear it's i've said you're not broke yeah but you've interviewed some of the most successful actors entertainers so have i and you get them privately and sometimes on your show they go you afraid it's gonna go away they go yeah i am that's why i work so hard so there's an element of that that's okay it's creating this vision for your life that's compelling but there's this other thing and i love think and grow rich it's one of my favorite books of all time next to my scripture is my favorite book but you don't just think and get rich you have to do things and by the way rich can mean more bliss more happiness more peace but you don't just get those things by thinking there's some things you have to do but the most powerful part of think and grow a rich man is he has this party says can you survive the temporary and if you can survive the temporary he says on the other side of temporary pain you get introduced to your other self and that other self he doesn't say this but that other self produces that other life and so here's what happens for most of us we think everything's permanent and because we think it's permanent we make permanent decisions based on temporary conditions even our bodies other than our souls are temporary i was with my dad holding his hand when his body ceased to exist wow his soul exists still but if your body isn't permanent your problem isn't your pain isn't you need to create a different relationship with pain in your life the idea that you're going to avoid pain i have a chapter in the book called one more inconvenience chase difficult inconvenient things like what like what is something you're chasing that's incredible in a given day the phone call you don't want to make the meeting you don't want to have driving out here there's a friend of mine who i'd like to help me with the book it's incredibly uncomfortable phone call for me it's the thing i don't want to do today i don't want to bother them it's inconvenient and for me in my life the inconvenient thing on the page is the one that now jumps off the screen at me that i must do for most people their relationship with the pain and the inconvenience is to avoid it avoid so if you could be yeah but if you could say to yourself on the other side of this is this other self and so whatever your pain is right now relationships just ended financially something that's difficult for you to do maybe you're trying to lose weight whatever it might be on the other side of that temporary pain is the other self i have a thing i gotta say to you last man on this topic in the book i have this part about pinata and what most of us as humans don't do is we don't understand compound pounding the relentless pursuit of something you're making what i call invisible progress in your life like your show has gone boom everyone goes wow lewis went from 400 000 to millions of subscribers he's the number one guy that didn't just happen this year it's our 10th year you were compound pounding on this sucker when no one was doing this exactly but here's the pinata thing i go to this party it's five-year-olds how do you want to go to the party it's five-year-old kids like what am i doing here but it's a good friend they have a pinata we've all been to him first kid gets up hits the heck out of the pinata like a hundred times no candy comes out next kid gets up quack quack nothing next kid whack whack whack these three now quit they're gone another part of the party there's three or four kids left everyone's losing interest everyone's pounding on this thing what they didn't know is each of those blows was breaking down the pinata although there was no evidence it was true the last boy gets up i swear actually it's a little girl last girl gets up she goes wham hits it one time bam all the candy comes out and everyone celebrates in people's lives so was it her blow that broke the panda no it was the cumulative shots most people don't wait around for the candy they quit before the candy comes out of their relationship of their body of their business of their bliss of their meditation it takes time but you're making invisible progress if you ever start to get down or know what to do give yourself credit for the compound pounding you're doing you're not sticking around long enough for the candy to come out and that's what you need to be doing if you're going to change things first off self-confident people so how do we build self-confidence because that's what your belief okay when i mean somebody self-confident here's what i know about them they've built a reputation with themselves so they don't need to build a reputation with other people okay so if you're really what do you mean by that they honor their own word you got it yeah the key to self-confidence is really simple and it is this is absolutely i've trained hundreds of thousands of people i've spoken to millions of people around the world i can tell you this the self-confident people i know whether they are athletes school teachers mechanics uh parents stay-at-home moms you name it they have a pattern of keeping promises they make to themselves the groundwork of beginning to build self-confidence is to begin to keep the promises you make to you and that's why it's important to begin to even make small problems if you're going to get up at a certain time in the morning not only do it but then give yourself credit say i did what i said i was going to do if it's in your diet or your fitness don't just eat the healthy foods go i'm doing what i said i was going to do you begin to build this reputation if you're constantly being influenced and moved by what other people think about you it means there's a deficiency in what you think about you and so the key is not some you know enso esoteric like belief system it's a pattern of keeping the promises that you make to you that's the groundwork of self-confidence for sure and it is a pattern when i meet people that lack confidence i think let me serve you let's begin to keep the promises you make to you you're so worried about there's this addiction to other people's approval in the world right it's the greatest the greatest addiction today it used to be drugs before there was alcohol there's all these addictions sex addictions whatever the number one addiction in the world today is the addiction to other people's approval and that's because we don't approve of ourselves we or we don't feel a spirit a universe a god that we believe in that approves of us and so my confidence comes from both my faith and in the fact that i keep promises i make to myself that's the groundwork of all confidence yeah how did you develop this sense of belief and confidence early on then when you were failing as a in the financial services yeah it was i had to separate from outcome and so you weren't getting the results yeah i was not pre everything for me initially was contingent upon outcomes and results and i know there are people in our space that say hey get your money you got to get this you got to do that and that's easy to say because they've already built tremendous self-confidence but most people watch that go okay but how do i do that and so i had to start to take some solace some confidence in the fact that i was behaving in a way requisite to eventually produce success right and so i started to give myself credit i started to work on my identity i started to read the right books listen to the right things and for me it starts with my body like i couldn't control what other people would say to me but i could control that i got up and worked out i could control that i moved my body there's something that we've both learned from tony about just literally moving our bodies physically changes our state and like everybody hears that but i actually do it i really believe it's hard to get depressed it's hard to not believe in yourself i was at the gym today i was watching this couple very odd dudes they were just sort of really dancing and the first part of me was like judging i'm like these guys are so weird you know you know in public but then i thought you know what that's not right these guys are in a great joyful blissful state right they're they're these are not depressed guys these are not guys lacking self-confidence so often the way we move our bodies can change that too and so the answer for was i started to keep the promises i made to me separated from outcome there's it's nothing wrong with having goals and outcomes but if your outcomes and goals define you whether you get them or you don't get them you will have a hollow life in other words if you're defined by the goals you achieve you actually get them and you think that's going to make you happy and define you you're going to lose and at the other hand if you constantly define yourself by the fact that you aren't achieving your goals and outcomes you're going to lose both of obsessing over outcomes will lead to a pretty hollow existence but if i can if i can be from a place of my intent my behaviors i finally figured out my intentions are good i'm a good dude i'm a good person and you know what i'm trying to do good i'm trying to improve my life i'm trying to help people and i keep promises that i make to myself both of those things were the stimulus for me to because i'm a naturally i think you're probably this way too i'm a naturally incredibly insecure person i think everybody has insecurities i think i was dosed at birth with more of them than a normal person sure i'm introverted i'm shy i all of those things i think growing up in a family that had some dysfunction um just added to my insecurity and so usually when you meet somebody who's incredibly confident like the people who think you and i are i always know they probably came from a further place these are people who really had to work on themselves i really had to do this stuff because i was so low on the totem pole in terms of self-esteem i had to really figure out how to change this stuff so and what ends up happening is like any muscle you build i built a pretty big muscle of self-confidence over time because i had to train it so badly yeah yeah over and over wow what was the time in your life that you felt like you weren't a good person or is there a time yeah i want to assume that they're no uh absolutely uh what was that if there was what was that time and what were you going through great question many times i felt like i'm not a good person in in in um my temper gets the better of me and i think uh if i look back at the early part of my career in fact i was so harsh on people so critical of people and then once i had children i just demanded results probably not only did i demand results but in all candor i was mean and demeaning and harsh and people who have powerful tongues for the positive typically that's a double-edged sword they can use it to be very hurtful too and so when i was young uh i would ransack the room and i hurt people and so very much so early in my career if you ask me was i a good dude no i was too hard on people um i once i had kids i thought i remember one night my son was a baby and i had one of those nights where i sort of just destroyed a couple people in a meeting with my words yeah and i thought if someone ever talked to my son like that i was in the car driving home i thought what if someone spoke to max the way i spoke to this man what's wrong with me that's horrible this is a human being and so i think i've become so the other way as you know i'm very encouraging i try to be very kind and generous because i haven't always been i've seen the results i know what it looks like on someone's face when i've heard them i don't it makes me i i don't ever wanna yeah i don't ever wanna do that to somebody so that was a time where i wasn't a a good person i think times where i uh shortchange my friends or family i'm being present with them in other words i have to work really hard at being present when i'm with people because i am a busy person right yeah you got a thousand people who are texting you and calling you you need support right like you do and so the most important gift i can give we can all give another person is to be present to be engaged with them yeah and so there are times even now where you know my children will leave the room and i thought i missed that moment that wasn't being that wasn't good that wasn't a good dad i i i made them feel like whoever was on my phone was more important than we all make those mistakes what i do now have though is i acknowledge it and see it pretty soon i know i'm going to swear i'm aware of i think really successful people not materially but just in terms of happiness are incredibly self-aware and when i was young i was not self-aware and as i've become older and met more people and had great friends and mentors and experiences i think i've become more aware of myself and my deficiencies i have tons of deficiencies i'm just really aware of them so they don't hurt as many people as they used to yeah okay the first thing is that you have to identify what you're great at doing and stop trying to play life at the things that you're mediocre at doing so i know what i'm good at doing and there's a very limited group so i made it easy to pick from it's not like i had 80 things i'm good at like really two things i've made hundreds of millions of dollars with these two things and ironically let me say this to you also that thing you're great at may have been born out of your biggest pain absolutely so and this is a gift that you have as well but one of my major gifts is my ability to read people and to be present with them why i had an alcoholic dad yeah when he would come through that front door i had three little sisters and a mom and this five-year-old little boy would have to look up at his hero is he drunk or sober is he walking is he slurring is this is his tie tied correctly or is it loose how's he moving how's he talking and if it was drunk dad i need to get my sisters upstairs and mom should go take a shower it was sober dad we're great but i would have to read this man and so that allowed me to learn to be present you know it's a terrible way to learn to do it but i did then the second skill would kick in i can talk i would grab his hand and my sisters go upstairs say daddy i hit a home run in the baseball game today i got a 90 on my spelling test how was your day what did you do and i would talk and change his state and as i grew up those two gifts have made me a lot of money in business my ability to be present and listen and ability to talk so what are your gifts what are two or three it could be your nurturing skills your intellect your problem solving your intensity your passion your calmness your peace your humor whatever it is the second thing that i would say is that you have to get in the business of truly caring about people i know that sounds real generic but people matter things don't when i worked at the orphanage and i walked into the orphanage that changed my life and i know you know that story my little boys were eight to ten years old here's what they wanted from i want everyone to hear this very carefully get nothing else out of the show than this if you only get one thing these boys needed someone to love them care about them here's a big one that almost no one does for another human being believe in them and they just show them how to do better yeah we say it again love care believe and show them how to do better when i left the orphanage and went into business i figured out they weren't unique every human ed how do you coach the top politicians or ceos of them care about them believe in them and then show them how to do a little bit better whatever it is so that's number two and then the third thing is you have to become obsessed you have to become obsessed this has to become an obsession of yours you know our obsessions become our possessions and the truth of the matter is that most of you don't understand the effort the time the focus the obsessiveness that's required to do something great with your life you want to do something great you better be great at it greatness rises so if you can get really good at those three things listen why are you so good at this why is it business you're great at this the the the whole idea of greatness is the concept of the show but you have to get great and you have to be intentional you have to be obsessed and if people knew behind the scenes this thing's very easy but i know your schedule yeah i know what you put into this i know what the time is i know what the relentless pace is i know what the focus is how much you think about i know this has to be something that's just infectious and when people get around you that emanates and there's an energy and there's like this person's just going to will this to happen right and when you have that you have to be cognizant of your energy you're always making people feel something so take control of what they're feeling and so i think just most people dramatically us underestimate the amount of obsessive crazy relentless focus it takes to be great at something yes and then they go well i don't want to be that out of balance or control then you don't want to be great because there's going to be a period of your life not out of balance but where some things take priorities over others that's not a lack of balance nothing's like this all of the time and by the way the hardest working you've ever been the most crazy focus you've ever been was the happiest you've ever been in your life you go back well when i was studying for my master's degree whatever you're like weren't you crazy focused you were busy if you're a mother and you're carrying this baby and this the hardest thing you've ever do is carry this baby plus you had a job and you're bringing this person it's the happiest times of your life or when you're the most you feel out of control you're the most obsessed is when you're the happiest it's this just flawed belief that if i do nothing if i just have ah i'm gonna be super happy you weren't there's plenty of oz i meditate every morning i pray every morning so it gives me the energy and clarity of mind to do something great but this notion that that brings bliss that nothingness doing nothing expand no expansion of your being no contribution is going to make you happy this is a flawed belief you literally moving from the very things that will make you happy this notion that you're not growing and expanding you're not contributing you're not evolving your spirit was born all the cells in your body regenerate themselves your digestive tract is brand new every six months to a year your lung tissue regenerates your skeletal system regenerates about every six to eight years like you're constantly being reborn all the time internally so externally and in your heart and your soul and your spirit and your brain you should be as well these are the things that make us happy not not just doing nothing right having a purpose having a yes a mission an intention it's what gets you up it's what you were born for that mission by the way maybe to serve other people and to to bring peace to them great but have something i mean you're at a stage right now 51 you're going into the the 50s decade you've accomplished so much you've you know made so much you've got the homes the plan i've been to a lot of your homes i've been in a plane of years i've seen the lifestyle it's an amazing lifestyle that you've created for yourself you had nothing you had a vision in your mind and then you got yourself to that vision yeah what excites you for this next decade what are you thinking about now that you have everything externally let's say i'm sure you want to create more and build more but what is the main mission for the next nine years of this decade i want people bro i'm so glad you said this i believe all this stuff's connected i'm not like this is an entrepreneur but sometimes i come across that way i believe entrepreneurs and business people in general are the change agents in the world i don't believe it's going to come from a political movement i believe that entrepreneurs like ourselves are the people that are going to change the world and i believe the planet's at a tipping point and i think that we're trending in a direction where we're people so many people feel invisible so many people feel that they lack something there's a lack of kindness and gentleness and love particularly expressed by business people business people in general the last 30 years have contributed to this in a major way the brutal nature of business the cutthroat nature of it and i think the next 10 years that entrepreneurs hopefully people like myself that are in the thought leader space can begin to show people that entrepreneurs are the ones who can bring the most love and change and solutions to people's lives and for me because i do have this platform i want everyone to feel seen i want people to know you do matter that person that alcoholic and drug addict that helped my dad mattered big time yeah and you matter and we need more people to come to you and say you matter and here's the actual reasons why you matter it's not just a saying you matter because of this and i want to give people the tools and the resources to do it i really would love to think that when i'm done that all of us collectively have turned the corner on this way we treat one another in the world yeah concerns me so deeply man that uh my experience every single day with most people is that we have a lot in common and that we really do want to love and care for one another and that sometimes success gets in the way of that the financial pursuit gets in the way but some of these thought leader entrepreneurs that are so aggressive about money money money money money and i don't mind that because i think that that money can do a lot of good but i believe there's a more beautiful and elegant way to get there i don't think business has to be brutal i think that there's an elegant and beautiful way to create wealth in your life and bliss that's there's not a lot of examples of and i intend to be one of those examples how did you learn how to present yeah with passion or persuasion because the greatest speakers get people to move to action they do yeah they have some type of call to action that they hook people with and they take them from one thought or belief to another one isn't that true and i'm assuming that's something you've been able to do if you're speaking on all these big stages and if you've been able to enroll people in your vision wow i love that word right i mean that's what a persuasive speaker is it's someone who enrolls them in a new belief wow or taking action right yeah how did you learn how to do this and um yeah well by the way that has really profound the way you said it and i love that question and i'm going to actually start to produce i'm not just saying this i actually am consciously going to produce this content coming forward with some specificity because i think it's probably one of the more misunderstood and desi people really want to know how to do that whether it's in a group with your family for three people or in front of 300 or 30 000. and so um there's a few things i'll give you a few things first off i sucked in the beginning and i could tell you stories about how bad i was but that would take up too much time but horrendously bad on stage on stage so i started so i mean so bad because i'm your insecurities are magnified by every eyeball on you everything so i wanted to forget to say it and then oh i forgot i mean i would literally completely blank out like i've been so nervous speaking brother that i could not read my notes my vision was blurred so not only could i think of a thought i couldn't get my eyes to tell me what i had written down right so i've been that kind of nervous before and so it's changed over time but what you just said is you enroll people in their vision so there's there's three ways people speak i'll just give you a couple things this is true if like even you and i are just talking the first type of speaker takes energy from the room so they fee if you say the speaker feeds off the energy of them okay that's an amateur if you're constantly having to feed their energy starve them of their energy you're not affecting them you're just performing and so there's a lot of speakers you watch they're like that was funny that was this i got nothing out of it and that's because they fed they stole your energy to be successful when they spoke okay so that's one type of speaker when i say this everyone's gonna go that was that great speaker i saw yeah so an ineffective speaker was like a warm bath they took your energy they performed you got nothing out of it the second type of speaker it's a really great speaker is they pour energy back into the room so you feel an energy that transfer of energy that i said earlier right so they they transfer their energy their experiencing to you you can almost vibrate you can almost feel it right so a great speaker is conscious of transferring energy you can't transfer that to me that which you're not experiencing but what i try to be is a level past that and the level past that is and i don't always do it but when i do do it it feels beautiful okay and that is to be in a state of inspiration inspiration is to be the root of this to be in spirit move off of motivation which is their motives inspiration an inspirational speaker touches you spiritually you feel something different in your heart you enroll them in your spirit and so the way to do that so the first speaker takes energy second speaker pours it into the room the great speakers the great communicators pour their energy into each person in the room so i'm conscious when i speak of pouring energy into each soul in that room not just the room each person whether that's 10 or 40 000 i'm conscious it's just a thought of pouring energy into each person that they're feeling it i pray about it i think about it so i want that's a massive transfer of energy so much so that when i've given a good one i could go sleep i'm not kidding you for 10 or 12 hours after i've depleted myself of every energy reserve i have seriously that's why tony robbins is so incredible you know i've talked about that because and by the way i consider him to be a great speaker because every person feels an effect from him not just the room right and so that's the other thing and then last thing i'll give you give you a little tip for speakers yeah plan on how you're going to finish so the number one thing speakers struggle with is they don't have to finish they know what they're going to say in the beginning because that's what they're the most nervous about but they never plan the end and so if you ever watch a speaker you're like okay they're struggling they always think they gotta finish on a high i gotta finish i gotta finish you know what you need to do you just gotta finish yeah okay the thing about it like when you watch a stand-up comic their last joke's not always their best joke you just remember they were funny and so when you're speaking don't worry so much about i gotta finish on a high know how you're going to finish though because what happens is you can have a great speech for 20 minutes and the last five minutes you're just struggling and stammering and it just depletes the entire energy you gave the room because you're just trying to finish and so when you're writing your talk be conscious of writing the finish first then fill it backwards everybody else writes the beginning and the middle and they're kind of like i'll get around to finishing cause it's gonna be so good they forget that part so always write the finish first love it man that's a good tip some great tips what's the thing you're most proud of that most people don't know about you my uh easy is my my two children my family includes my wife too by the way but my and she's the one most responsible for my children i am i'm a good dad she's a world-class mother and my children are what i'm the most proud of and i don't feature my family a whole lot on social media because they didn't sign up for all this in fact the reason you didn't know me even i've done all this speaking is i finally made a decision to be a public person because i love my privacy because i am introverted i just decided to serve people to change the world i got to be willing to give that up but my children don't and so i show them but not that often um but my children are my son is uh this morning my i got up and my son was gone already to the golf course in dark because he wanted to be the first guy there he's gonna hit all the golf balls he's a super successful guy in school and he's just a good man he's just how is he my son is going to be 16 uh tomorrow wow gonna be 16 tomorrow and my daughter's going to be playing for him yeah that no that's not happening and my daughter is a 14 bella and they're just amazing they're they're my my my life and so that's cool they're they're what i'm most proud of that most people don't know about either them but you will know them someday yeah of course they're gonna change the world of course uh what has kids taught you about life and business and everything you're up to yeah well they're my reason so my reasons change too right but um be i think it goes back to the same things as before for me but like something happened to me when i had babies man it changed me it softened me it um pretty strong dude i don't know if it's soft than this those are squirt guns now i mean uh but it did soften me in that i i'm living for something different than me yeah i want you to have that someday by the way because living living for you is great but living for other people and being conscious of the fact that they're my part of my legacy and that everything i do this is what changed for me they watch everything you do yeah everything like i drive i drive fast right i drive too fast and my son's getting ready to give his driver's license i can already tell i've set a bad example doing that like he's he's observed that so what it did is it made me realize everybody's observing everything and and so i'm more conscious of little things that i do because i've got children and i'm more conscious of the long-lasting impact of everything i say and do because that could happen if you and i were at a restaurant right now and we have a particular interaction with the server right you know that changes their whole life one way or the other and so i'm conscious all the time of what i say and what i do and the impact it's going to have because there's this ripple that goes out into the universe it goes out into the world before i had kids i didn't think about any of that stuff right yeah and now i do so yeah i you know i don't feel called to have kids yet yeah but i have a million dollar whole life insurance policy on me for the future do you really absolutely yeah because i am thinking about that in the future and i want to invest because i was in that business i was like i need a premium that's low you know that i could buy you exactly so i've been paying that for like eight nine years you're such an interesting guy yeah so i'm i'm thinking about other people even though i don't have that yet i'm thinking about well even if it doesn't happen now my family's gonna have money and they're gonna have assets they're gonna have things when you're a dad by the way so i'm a dad i meet men and i sort of define them by what kind of father are they or could they be that's why i just told you that like and people that know you that follow you would say this to everyone watching this that knows you you'd be an amazing father because you're so selfless right you always put other people first even the way you're doing this interview is different than most people brother yeah it's never about you it's always about the other person right that's what makes a great dad so i pray that it does happen when it should if it should but right your dad do a whole bunch of people that follow you too right but yeah but you're you'd be an amazing father like honestly brother like there's not not everybody is cut out for that not everybody should be a dad there's some people out there that are moms and dads that probably shouldn't have been and we're dealing with their kids now right so sure there's an effect on that too you're going to be an amazing one yeah and part of me feels like it's got to be a calling like i've got to have such a deep desire for it yeah and i feel like it's once i hit 30 i started to feel a little bit when i was around babies i was like oh i looked at them differently you did yeah i started looking and still today i'm like that baby is really cute yeah i think about differently but i'm still not like this i need this now i want this now so i'm setting myself for the future so that i'm protected they're protected covered you know is there an issue that you're already doing that already doing it that's one because i observed my father and he bought life insurance policies on all of us kids when we were you know one years old or whatever is that right we all had it in policy and put more money into it when we were teens and you know it kept growing yeah that's fascinating yeah and so he kind of instilled that observation about life insurance whole life insurance the cash value you know everything yeah and you're real disciplined you and i've talked about other things off camera but like you're real serious about your your discipline saver of money yeah like you're not a extravagant spender and right you know neither nor am i everything i have is cash i don't want debt the bible says oh no man nothing and i just believe that firmly i don't want to carry a bunch of debt and a bunch of stress in my life yeah contrary to what you hear from most people out in our space too a lot of people like leverage the debt and use this to buy other stuff and i don't think i don't think it's anything wrong with leverage except i don't believe you should leverage depreciating assets so you shouldn't leverage a meal if you go eat it it's gone now you're paying debt on it i don't think you should leverage vehicles if you can help them because there's just no reason to leverage stuff that's going to go down and but if you want to leverage stuff that's going to appreciate yeah that's a decision homes real estate yes things like that businesses whatever exactly um what's one question that you wish more people would ask you in general whether it be on an interview or just in life that they don't ask they don't ask me enough about the balance between drive and happiness in other words and they struggle with it but they're all willing to ask about it it's it's this concept that i call it i said this to you before the interview too but they don't ask enough about how can i be happy where i am now and still be driven because i think there's a lot of people that there's a lot of people who are listening to this that are like i'm really happy and i don't have a lot of driver there's people that have a lot of drive and they're not very happy and i mo recently been talking with us a lot it's like i think that we should be living in a state of blissful dissatisfaction and what i mean by that is that that you can actually be in complete bliss and happiness now and still have drive and desire and be dissatisfied in other words there people think well if i'm dissatisfied i'm not happy not true at all because if we're eating a great meal great steak right that first bite is blissful but it doesn't mean you're not hungry for more or more aggressive analogy if you're making love to your partner right are you only satisfied are you only enjoying it at the very end or is it a blissful experience as you're waiting to be satisfied right so so the point is is that there's a way in life and you can live in your life in blissful dissatisfaction i do i live blissfully dissatisfied i'm in this aggressive pursuit of want to be the next version of me to meet the next version of me to someday the end of my life i want to shake hands with the man i could have been right i want to be very familiar with that dude when i'm done i want to shake hands and go hey i know you right that's the guy that i was most capable of becoming the worst end of my life would be to meet this man i was capable becoming and we'd be complete strangers who's that guy right i would have been always in pursuit of that man if you're a woman that woman but i want to enjoy getting there yeah and so i want to be in a state of bliss but dissatisfied simultaneously and not enough people ask me how to do that and hey can i do that that's the one thing i would say got it got it i love it man i feel like we could be talking for hours on this stuff this is powerful stuff um what's next for you then you've you've achieved a lot of financial wealth you've helped a lot of people in your business make money you've spoken all over the world in front of large audiences you've got a large audience online what's the next chapter for you what's the next version of yourself that you want to become yeah they i think about that all the time right so the next the first thing is that i want to expand my relationships with more and more good people like you i want to add it's time for me to add some new really close friends to my life but on a very specific scale i have some financial goals i have some things i would like to do there but i want to take the things that i've been doing in private with my company and with private companies for many years and i want to expand that around the world i want to i want to take this message of how to develop self-confidence how to chase the real version of becoming the best you i want to collaborate with people who are better than me in certain spaces too and bring what i can to the table i know how to build self-confidence i know how to teach people how to be persuasive i know how to live happy and dissatisfied at the same time right i know how to accumulate things in our lives that we want but i also want to collaborate with people who are better in those spaces than me there's things that you're just better at than me and even when we were meeting before like i want to learn from guys like you too and so i want to take that to the world that's the next version for me is to be frankly out more public than i've been i've done it in private and i just think the world needs people who have really done something to teach people how to do it and there's very few people in the space you are one of them who come from a place honestly where they just really want to serve people yeah i'll figure out if i got to monetize this or how to monetize it eventually i told you before we got on the thing i love about you is you started out with how do i serve people right right and you figured out how to make a living doing it right and getting successful financially and so i come from a different place i've already sort of had that financial part i just want to serve people man i want to be inspirational but i want to give people tactics and strategies to live better not just get all fired up and not know how to do it and there's really only a few people in the space that i think are effective at doing it and so it just here's what i found out it juices me man i don't get tired of it i'm working more hours than i've ever worked you know i've certainly you know adjusted some other parts of my life i'm not a six handicap anymore because i don't play a lot more golf right you know i want to spend my life helping and serving people and so i it keeps me younger keeps me keeps me happy so that's good i love it i love it the biggest problem people have is they think they're not supposed to have any and problems are the fuel for growth right and so it's like if you don't have any problems you're either a liar or you might call them challenges it feels better i understand that but you know anybody doesn't have problems he's either totally asleep with the wheel or they don't have much of any kind of a life

Channel: Lewis Howes

Views: 90,971

Keywords: Lewis Howes, Lewis Howes interview, school of greatness, self help, self improvement, self development, personal development, success habits, success, wealth, motivation, inspiration, inspirational video, motivational video, success principles, millionaire success habits, how to become successful, success motivation

Id: _FL11dkfn68

Length: 91min 42sec (5502 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 28 2022