The Indestructible Marriage Small Group Session 1

hi I'm Jimmy Evans this is my wife Karen we're so glad that you joined us for this special small group curriculum you know some of the most important things that have ever happened in our lives happened in small groups and because you are doing this and because you're a part of this you've really given yourself the opportunity for the Lord to minister to you as a person but also as a couple and we just want to say right up front just a couple of important things about how you really can maximize the experience remember that when you're listening to the teachings always listen for yourself it's so tempting to sit there and look at your spouse and think are you hearing this and it's just so important to listen to for yourself you know in in a small group like you're in it's it's really a comforting thing to know that other couples go through what you go through so be open and honest with each other don't be ashamed of what you're going through because I can promise you somebody else in the room is going through the same thing you are and so you know be accountable with each other make friends this way and it'll it'll in your marriage would be so much better you know the other thing that we want to just encourage you in is sometimes when you're listening to something or you're experiencing something in a small group curriculum or through the teaching or through the sharing you're gonna be healed instantly and changed instantly in some areas of your life in marriage but others it's a process you'll look at your notes again you'll listen to these messages again you'll sit and talk about it again and over a period of time you'll learn to do things differently you'll learn to respond differently you'll learn to think differently so when you're finished with this experience don't get discouraged if you still have problems you will I'm just telling you that right now some things will be healed and changed instantly but some it's a process just be committed to the process and never give up we've been married now for a long time 40 years and I can just tell you it's a wonderful thing but it just keeps getting better and better and better when you keep learning and you don't give up we hope that this is a fantastic experience thank you for joining us for this god bless you marriage today presents God's indestructible plan for marriage by Jimmy Evans you have a 100% chance of success in marriage but you have to do it God's Way and I want to give you some really good news God has a way and that his perfect plan for marriage is found in the Bible and if we will follow this plan it will work for us and we can have an indestructible marriage we truly can't god god never creates anything to fail god never creates anything to hurt us or frustrate us the reason that marriage is failing today is just simply we're trying to do it different than God designed it to be and so when we did God's Way we can succeed so Ephesians chapter 5 I'm actually going to begin with an incomplete sentence this is verse 21 and I'm saying this because of what verse 22 says it says submitting to one another in the fear of God that's verse 21 in fusions 521 then it says wives submit your own husband's as to the Lord for the husband is the head of the wife is also Christ as head of the church and he is the savior of the body therefore just as the church is subject to Christ so let the wives be to their own husbands and everything husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word that he might present her to himself a glorious church not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that she should be holy and without blemish so husband's ought to love their own wives as their own bodies he who loves his wife loves himself for no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church for we are members of his body of his flesh and of his bones for this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh this is a great mystery but I speak concerning Christ in the church nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband I want to say one more time there is no plan B God doesn't need a plan B plan a is perfect and so when I'm counseling people in marriage I go to the bible and i read ephesians chapter five two couples who are struggling in their marriage and and let me say this rarely have I ever gotten a positive response from Christians the text that we just read in the Bible is one of the most disliked text in the Bible for Christians Christians I'm telling you Christians don't like it and this Christian didn't like it before I understood it but there's two common reactions we like what it says about our spouse if most men don't know any other verse in the Bible except submit to your husband as the Lord if he doesn't know any other verse in the Bible he has memorized that one right there and so we love what it says no listen listen what I'm saying women love what Ephesians 5 when you read Ephesians 5 to a woman and it says your husband is to lay his life down for you and nourish you and cherish you ladies how many of you like that I mean everyone that's heaven for her she's in heaven and so men that she's supposed to honor you if she does the Lord made you like that okay all the men like that okay so I'm just saying we love what it says about our spouse we just don't like what it says about us now that ought to tell us something your spouse loves what this says about you but we feel threatened by and I'm explaining that in just a minute the other the other response that you get when you talk to Christians about Ephesians 5 is we fear being the first one to do it is that it's like I want them to go first women say well I would submit to him like the Lord if he acted anything remotely like Jesus he acts like the devil and if I submitted to him or respected him it would just encourage him and I am on a mission by God to humble this man I am the only thing keeping him humble and so I don't want to feed the monster no one should be threatened by this because no one is going to be the victim and let me tell you why number one the roles in Ephesians 5 make us attractive to our spouse and cause them to open their hearts to us because when you hear me talk about intimacy now intimacy is not going to happen unless you open your heart to each other and this is what Asians five when you do what Ephesians 5 says it actually is what makes you attractive your spouse let me give you example of this and I'll talk to the women first simply because Ephesians talks the women first number one need of a man is honor it's the number one need it's men have beneath our four basic needs of a man is honor sex friendship with their wives in domestic support those are four dates but the mega need of men is the need for honor it's oxygen in our world we are so fragile in the area of our egos it's hard for women to understand it and just the least look the least tone of disrespect in a word affects us more than we could ever tell our wives I said to Karen many times early in our marriage Karen it's not what you say it's how you say it it's just you know the attitude that the tone that you're carrying and what you're saying she didn't understand how important this need was to me well first Peter 3 is talking to women and is telling it's giving women this promise you can change you can change your husband's disobedient behavior without opening your mouth that's the promise of first Peter 3 it says to women do not let your ornament be merely external arranging the hair wearing gold or putting on fine apparel rather let it be in the hidden person of the heart with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit that's just simply an honoring spirit which is very precious in the sight of God for in this manner in former times the holy women who trusted in God adorn themselves being submissive to their own husband's as Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him Lord whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror because the devil uses fear the whenever you're wanting to be a wife when the Bible says submissive we're equals men and women are completely equal so this is this isn't when I use the word submissive I'm not using it in that sick kind of sense of men domineering women we're completely equals Karen and I never ever talk about who the boss is in our home because our boss of our home is Jesus Christ we're complete partners we don't ever make decisions unless we both agree I never dominate her I never bully her she doesn't do it to me that's sick and that's dysfunctional and not that's not what I'm talking about and that's not what the Bible is talking about is that sick kind of a thing but when the Bible says gentle and quiet is the opposite of rough and loud and a gentle and quiet spirit is a spirit of trust it's I don't have to disrespect you I don't have to browbeat you I don't have to nag you I've got God on my side and I'm gonna have a gentle and quiet spirit and here's what it's saying ladies you're beautiful and women are beautiful you can't help but your dispute aful but don't rely simply on your outer beauty because you can change your husband without a word as he observes your chaste and respectful behavior that's the promise of first Peter 3 it's powerful it's what makes you attractive to your husband God's not putting you down he's giving you the key to your husband's heart you'll never relate to any male without honor if you have sons any of you ladies that are raising boys I'm just saying you'll never influence your voice unless you show him respect because boys are just little men and they have the same need to be honored and affirmed too in order for them to open their hearts and to influence them well I mean let me go to the men for just a minute because it's really getting tense in here number one need of a woman is security and so what the Bible says two men and we read it there in Ephesians 5 you realize the Bible says twice as much to men as it says the women and it says men you're supposed to be a christ-like husband to lay your life down for her now is men we're on oriented but women are security-oriented I mean they don't need to be respected but they're much more oriented toward security what makes her feel secure is a selfless sacrificial man when Karen I got married I was a selfish idiot I didn't care about her I only cared about myself the only reason she was there was to take care of me and to do it I wanted her to do I was not sensitive I was not sacrificial and I produced absolute insecurity in my wife until I changed and so when the Bible talks about men and in the way that we're supposed to behave around our why nourishing and cherishing laying our lives down women feel secure when they have a selfless sacrificial husband who is tuned into them and it has a servant heart toward them women feel insecure when they're married to a selfish detached husband who is not in tune with them and of course that's the way that I was in our relationship so let me go back to the issue of saying what makes men attractive to women is the sacrificial nature okay and let me prove it through research they've done studies of women they've asked women what makes your husband most sexually attractive to you they've asked this question in in numerous studies that have been done either at the top of the lists or always always toward the top of the list is this response by women he's most sexually listen I'm about to give you sex secret guys that's why you came to this seminar is what makes your husband most sexually attractive to you when he's doing housework and so here's the interpretation to all you guys you're just a clean house away from the night of your dreams that's the interpretation here of this research and so let me say this to them you can never be intimacy is the prize of marriage it's the price it's when you get intimacy you got everything you cannot be intimate with a person until they open their hearts and you will never open your heart to a person who is threatening your most sensitive issues I want I just won't do it if you're dishonouring me I'm just telling you you know the lights are on but nobody's home I'm not going to open the door for you to hurt me it hurts too much for a woman I'm not gonna open the door for you to reject me and walk away and not be tuned in and to you not be there when I need you if we are going to have intimacy in marriage it means we trust each other a man trust and honoring woman and a woman trust the sacrificial male and when the Bible tells women to respect their husbands and men to lay their lives down he's not putting you down he's telling you how to have the key to your spouse's heart and to establish trust and intimacy in your relationship so number one the roles of Ephesians 5 make us attractive to the opposite sex unless we're very superficial people and we marry based on a physical attraction which will you know evaporate in a matter of days or weeks or months and that's the way it happens in our world today a lasting attraction in marriage is created by honor and by security the number two brilliance of the roles in Ephesians 5 is they release the potential in our spouse these roles release release our potential both marriage is a win-win proposition no one loses in a godly marriage let me talk about God's role for men just a minute and bringing your wife to her full potential Ephesians 529 tells men that they should nourish and cherish their wives as they would their own bodies though these are agricultural words and the word nourish means to feed to maturity and the word cherish means to keep warm it means to keep a plant from frost or anything that would affect it negatively I want to remind all the men that husband is a farming term husband is a growing term the number one role of every man is to bring your wife to her full potential in God why did God create my wife in her mother's womb why was she created to be an astrophysicist to be a stay-at-home mom to be a worship leader to be a teacher to be all the above whatever it is that God created her to be I'm God's partner to bring her to her full potential 1st Corinthians 11 7 is an interesting scripture it says men are the glory of God but women are the glory of men now let me give you the the King Jimmy Version on that men reflect the nature of the God they choose women reflect the nature of the husbands they choose a nice to come in the house when I work in golf it's all I did working golf and I'd come in the house and I'd completely neglected Karen and Karen had this look on her face and Karen treated me a lot better than I deserve but Karen would have this look on her face of just frustration and loneliness and and I would walk it but I didn't want her to look like that I wanted her to be radiant and meet me at the door and shower me with blessings and meet all of my needs and and I remember looking at her thinking she's got a problem she's got a problem and I heard that scripture one day that women are the glory of men and I thought she ain't my glory she's the glory of you know lemon juice or something she ain't my glory you know I didn't produce that but I did and what I realized is I was looking at my character in the mirror of her face and the selfish chauvinistic idiot had produced a beaten-down frustrated wife but what I noticed was this when I changed and I began to love her and serve her and focus on her she blossomed like a rose your wife reflects your character your wife reflects your nurture it's the way they're made let me talk about women for just a minute because again men are there to bring their wives to their full potential and women reflect the character of their husbands just the truth but God's role for women is different women become in an atmosphere of security but men are not wired that way we become in an atmosphere of honors so when the Bible says the Bible says submit your husband asked to the Lord it's not this sick dominance kind of a thing at the end of Ephesians 5 when the Apostle Paul is summarizing what he said he said wife or wives respect your husband's a good wife is a good cheerleader so women you know are our cheerleaders to their husbands and and I'm saying if you're if your husband only does a couple of things right just talk about that all the time if all he does is button his pajamas properly there's only three buttons you know and you know maybe he just wears a t-shirt to bed if he puts it right-side forward you honey you're brilliant you've got that right four nights out of five kids I've been talking we think you're a genius I mean this is awesome I've never seen a man that this is consistent with pajamas I mean it's just been said you solid he walks out of the bedroom you split did it again and so and he I he'll live in his pajamas he lets walk around the house you know he will and so cheerleaders just sell they just look for every little reason to celebrate and I'm just saying look for reasons to praise your husband I say a min gravitate to the place where they get the most honor and they gravitate away from where they don't get on you have the power with your mouth you have the power with your life and honoring your husband for him to become everything that God wants him to become in that atmosphere you're saying you mean I could never say anything negative you're his equal you can say anything you want to say but the way you say it's important and when you're complaining to him and when you're telling him you're frustrated or you don't agree there needs to be a tone in your conversation that says I believe in you you're a good man I know you'll do the right thing and when you speak with that tone of honor it makes you attractive to him and that's where he's going to become that's where you're gonna see your husband making all the progress in the world number three the thing that our roles in Ephesians 5 do because I'm saying it's brilliant it makes us sensitive to our spouse's needs it naturally sensitizes us but before you're committed to Ephesians 5 you're telling each other what you need but you're not x you're not listening caring out weren't listening to each other you know I was trying to dominate her I was insensitive I was out to lunch she was struggling I was putting her down she was disrespectful toward me we were growing further and further and further apart and we both had unmet needs which are very dangerous listen to me when a husband comes to his wife and says to her I have not been a christ-like husband to you this is what I said Karen I have not been a christ-like husband to you I have not cherished you and I have not nourished you and I have put golf in your place and I've just I'm sorry for the way I've treated you I am and I'll change and to my hurt this is what I say to carry to my hurt I will meet your needs and you will not have to nag you will not have to beg and you won't have said twice I'm completely committed to you when you when when a man is committed she's in heaven by the way she's in heaven when you say that you'll naturally begin to listen you'll naturally begin to meet her needs because you want to its your purpose now before it wasn't your purpose you're doing something else is she was just long for the right when a woman comes to her husband and says to him I'm sorry the way that I've disrespected you I didn't understand the way my words in my tone and my actions hurt you so deeply you know and how important this is to you and I'm sorry and I repent and I won't justify whatever my friends do whatever I see on TV or the movies whatever my mother my grandmother did I will not never justify disrespecting you again and I realized that God puts you in my life for a reason and I need you I need your counsel I need your wisdom a nature input and I'm committed to being a godly wife and putting you first when you do that ladies you naturally begin to pick up on what he's been trying to say and the things that are important to him literally we've become two servants in love the most powerful marriage in the world's two servants Allah you

Channel: Life Quest Community Church

Views: 18,272

Rating: 4.8350515 out of 5

Keywords: Marriage

Id: 4P9DJgzNpDY

Length: 21min 38sec (1298 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 05 2016