Four Laws of Love | MarriageToday | Jimmy Evans

[Music] God created marriage to bless us and fulfill us and it will do that if we serve each other if we don't serve each other it won't do that okay and so here's two reasons for that we can't meet our own needs if I could meet my own needs I wouldn't get married but because there are needs in my life that I can't meet that only Karen can meet that I marry her so you can't meet your own needs that's why you get married secondly we're sworn to fidelity when we get married I'm marrying you and we're marrying each other to meet each other's needs but I'm sworn to fidelity I can't shop in other stores if you're if your shelves are empty I can't shop in another store not legally anyway and so I am sworn to fidelity and I can't meet my own needs so I'm extra mercy where'd each other's mercy and so marriage only works when you serve each other and this is called the servant rules I want to talk to you about how to serve each other marriage only works when you serve each other and there are problems with us serving each other let me talk about some of these problems the first is selfishness and marriage is brutal on selfish people if you're selfish you're just gonna have a horrible time being married and I was selfish I was extremely selfish as a young husband and we had a terrible marriage so let me let me say something to you once you listen to me every husband has what his wife needs and every wife has what her husband needs let me tell you the proof of that you fell in love you fell in love because you were meeting these in each other in other words your story let's just say before you got married you cleaned the windows in your store and you put you know things in the store to attract somebody and you put a big open sign in the door and you put the shelves all the shelves were this lined with great merchandise and you were waiting for a customer and here came your perspective spouse and they walked in the door and they say wow thank you you just you had a wonderful attitude you were a servant with a great attitude and they said man you got some great stuff in here he said thank you so much and well do you have this he said sure doing you ran over and got it and brought it back and served him with a great attitude and they said Wow I really like that they said do you have this say yeah I do and you ran over and got it and brought it back and served it with a great attitude and they said you have this you said yes but that's in that when you marry me section right over there that's my dad guarding that section over there but yes I do have that by the way and you shopped in each other stores and you fell in love because you served each other with a great attitude you loved what they were serving you and so you fell in love but as soon as they became a loyal customer you got lazy and took them for granted everything that your spouse needs is on in your store but they're at your mercy there's the mercy of your attitude they're at the mercy of your work ethic they're at the mercy of you loving them enough to serve them and meet their need selfishness is the number one problem okay not number two problem is pride and domination we dominate each other this is a huge issue in marriage and you never have intimacy in a relationship when a person's dominating the relationship and I was dominant of Karen when we first married okay Luke 22 this is at the Last Supper by the way okay and the disciples are talking about which one of them is the greatest Luke 22 now there was a dispute among them as to which of them should be considered the greatest and he said to them the kings of the Gentiles exercise lordship over them and those who exercised authority over them are called benefactors but not so among you on the contrary who is greatest among you let him be as the younger and he who governs is he who serves for who is greater he who sits at the table or he who serves is it not he who sits at the table yet I'm among you as the one who serves is so they were the disciples we're talking about which one of them was the greatest because they were going to be the most dominant listen in the world cold ascension creates privilege in the kingdom ascension creates responsibilities the kingdom of God is the opposite of the world and so in the world everyone wants to dominate each other and get to the top of the heap but Jesus said I'm the one who serves you you guys are sitting you're talking about which one of you is grace I'm the one who serves and so if you're a person who uses your position to dominate other people you're not christ-like and if you dominate your spouse you're not christ-like and by the way dominance is a gender-neutral issue there are just as many dominant women as there are dominant men dominance means this is not an equal relationship you're here to take care of me but I'm not necessarily here to take care of you and so this is our marriage when Karen I first got married I was very dominant and I had to repent of that repentance only changes or dominance only changes when you repent it's a sin to dominate other people we are the only animal on the earth not designed to be dominated and Jesus won't dominate us did you know that Jesus is a shepherd not a sheep herder Jesus gets at the front with his staff and leads a sheep herder gets behind and drives you Jesus does not dominate Jesus leads and we follow we need to be thankful that we serve a foot washing Jesus as our Lord he's humble he doesn't dominate us let me let me say this now dominance destroys intimacy and goodwill in relationship and everyone resents it everyone resents it and so we have to serve our spouse and humble our spouse this is the third problem with serving and it's the worldly concept of success a lot of people believe that success means being served and being at the top so here's a statement from Jesus Matthew 23 but he who is greatest among you shall be your servant and whoever exalts himself will be humbled and He Who humbles himself will be exalted see Jesus says whoever is greatest among you shall be your servant did you know that that's actually a true statement your favorite restaurant your bank school store service beauty shop the best employees are all servants you shop where you get served the best wherever you go is where you get served the best the greatest marriage is to servants in love the worst marriage is to selfish people in love the greatest marriage on earth let me say something else I hope you'll listen I hope you'll believe me you will always be happiest when you're serving and you will always be most unhappy when you're waiting to be served in most cases the servant is happier than the person being served in most cases gain instant access to XO conferences and other dynamic marriage teachings with XO now the new on-demand video streaming subscription from XO and marriage today for only nine dollars a month you receive access to life giving marriage series from Jimmy Evans Dave and Ashley Willis and other marriage today's speakers access XO now from all your favorite devices sync content for offline viewing and enjoy world-class marriage content wherever whenever learn how to be married and stay married a better marriage is possible with the right information and a mutual commitment to success even the most unhealthy relationships can be healed as part of your subscription you have full access to the complete sessions from the latest XO conference be the first to receive marriage today's best content with your subscription to XO now start your free trial today at XO now TV [Music] so this is the fourth problem of serving and that is ignorance of God's nature and so this is John 21 this is after the resurrection this is the resurrected Jesus John 21 then as soon as they had come to the land they saw a fire of coals there and fish laid on it and bread jesus said to them bring some of the fish which you have just caught Simon Peter went up and dragged the net to land full of large fish 153 and although there were so many the net was not broken jesus said to them come and eat breakfast yet none of the disciples dared to ask him who are you knowing it was the Lord Jesus then came and took the bread and gave it to them and likewise the fish so we all know in John 13 that at the Last Supper Jesus washed the disciples feet but did you know the glorified Christ served them breakfast did you know that the eternal nature of God is a servant Jesus wasn't playing a game when he washed their feet Jesus was revealing the nature of God listen to the promise in Luke 12 let your waist be girded and your lamps burning and you yourselves be like men who wait for their master when he will when he will return from the wedding that when he comes and knocks they may open them immediately blessed are those servants whom the master when he comes will find watching assuredly I say to you that he will gird himself and have them sit down to eat and will come and serve them and hippi should come in the second watch or in the third watch and find them so blessed are those servants did you know that Jesus promises you if you're watching when he returns he's taking you to heaven and serving you dinner that's the promise here he's the master he's going to return for the wedding and he's saying if I return and I find you watching I'm gonna gird myself and take you there and I'm gonna serve you myself did you know that you are being served 24 hours a day seven days a week by God the Father God the Son and God the Holy Spirit you are who you are because of your servant God God is our Father he hears our prayers he takes care of us he meets our needs that's what Jesus was telling in Matthew 6 Jesus is our advocate and high priest in heaven 24 hours a day and the Holy Spirit is our teacher our comforter he gives us power the hope God is a servant listen if anyone in the universe could be exempted from serving it would be God but he doesn't he's the best example of it and so the God God made marriage to demonstrate his character that's why he made marriage that's what Genesis 1 says that's what he feeds 5 says and the only marriage that demonstrates the character of Christ as a servant marriage where a husband serves his wife a wife serves her husband is so on so forth so let me give you the servant rules this message is called the servant rules there I'm gonna there are five servant rules I'm gonna spell the word serve scr ve and so we're gonna talk about what is it what does it take to have a great marriage where you're serving each other here's the first one serve what's your spouse needs in spite of what you need water understand this is the s and serve serve what your spouse needs in spite of what you need want or understand so if you marry someone normal they're not like you this always sounds interesting when you say it your spouse doesn't like you their needs are not your nature their major needs are not your major needs okay now this is general though you may have a few differences with what I'm about to say but mins number one need is honor this is heart this is our mega need respect is our mega need we want to be respected number two is sex now about 20% of women are more sexual than their husbands okay so most men have a greater sex drive than their wife okay it doesn't matter who has the greater libido you just meet each other's needs you serve each other the third need of a man is friendship with his wife we want to be buddies with our wife we don't want to be mothered we we had a mother we don't want another one we nervous crowd anyway and domestic support now that doesn't mean that our wives do all of the housework because men ought to do their fair share of the housework it means that wives are domestically centered women have a gift of turning a house into a home and you know men our beds is just a sheet you know one pillow can any woman even gain that concept of one fell on a bed you know but women are nesters it's just beautiful what women do with a home honor sex friendship and domestic support here are women's needs for four major knees number one is security women want to feel secure the number one thing that makes a woman feel secure is a selfless sacrificial husband who serves her and his heart is turned toward her that's what makes her feel secure number one neat number two is non-sexual affection now there's not a cell in the man's brain that can understand that one Sharon would say can you just told me and I said well why would I want to do that open and honest communication women open and honest communication is important to a woman is as important to a woman as sexist to a man and the more you talk to your wife more sexual she'll become and I wouldn't talk to Karen for years oh you know she would just ask me anything who'd you see what what they say what everybody they say said you know I had it and how do you feel about it you know and I just thought I you know she's nosy and I'm not gonna feed the monster you want to kill a monster stop feeding it I'm not feeding that thing and but one day one day you know when I was changing as a husband I said to Karen I'll sit down with you and I'll talk as long as you want to talk and I thought hey I'm the greatest husband in history of the world and B they're gonna find me dead tomorrow with my brain sucked out sister will suck my brain out of my head and by the way I loved it and transformed our relationship he became more sexual if I had known that I talked to a lot more I the fed that monster number four is leadership women want their husbands to lead not dominate they want to be treated as an equal but they want you to lead with the kids they want you to lead with the spirituality of the relationship and a home they want you to lead with the finances with romance they want their husbands to be the loving initiator of the well-being of the home it makes them feel secure and it makes them feel as though you're connected to them and to the family so we're different so we're different so when your spouse comes up and tells you what they need our tendency is to shame to reject - to translate it into our language you know oh yo you say you want to be helped well you must want sex well that's no that's not what she said you know and so she said she wanted to be helped that means she wants to be helped that's all it means okay so imagine you go into a restaurant and a waiter comes up and he says hey folks good see that can I take your order he said yeah I'll take a cheeseburger and fries and some iced tea and the waiter goes that does sound good to me what let's try again what I'm sorry I'm the way I am I just can't serve it if it doesn't sound good sorry so try again you know well I'll take pizza well that's kind of heavy and you look like maybe you had a little bit too much pizza here lately we're gonna do a salad okay yeah what welcome to marriage I'm giving you my order and you keep changing it I'm telling you what I want but you're not listening because you think I'm like you you think you're normal and you're trying to conform me into your image no I'm I'm a normal man and you're a normal woman and we're very different and I need in your store something different than you need in my store and the only way that marriage works is when you serve your spouse not according to what you need or want but according to what they need or want it doesn't matter if you want to talk just talk if your spouse needs to talking just talk doesn't matter what you want this is the sacrificial relationship [Music] since 1994 marriage today has used every medium at its disposal to strengthen families and marriages through its diverse ministry outrages every day across North America and around the world we provide help and hope through television live events social media crisis coaching and over 100 unique resources there's a fierce battle being fought for marriage right now but we can win it we want to raise the standard we want to unite families restore marriages and conquer divorce at marriage today we believe every marriage has a 100% chance of success if you do it God's Way [Music] number two so serve what your spouse needs okay number two enjoy serving your spouse and do it with a good attitude with a joyful attitude when you serve your spouse with a joyful attitude it communicates love value acceptance and priority okay when you I want to serve you but let me say something listen I live to serve Karen Evans the number one reason I'm alive is to serve Jesus the number two reason I'm alive is to serve Karen Evans it's the joy of my life she's not a ball and chain she's not a burden she's not a distraction I don't live for ministry this is not the number one reason that I live I live for Jesus Karen and my family in that order and then ministry and everything else I do is secondary to serving Karen Evans with a joyful attitude she's not burden me when you grudgingly serve your spouse it communicates rejection low value and they're not a priority and you do this for shaming I'm rolling bad body language half-hearted effort negative comments comparison spiritualizing all those things like that and so we should never sin to me to need in our spouse but short of sin we should meet their needs with a good attitude and so one of my little pet peeves is when I go into a store or something like in a restaurant and someone brings you more tea or something you go hey thank you very much do they say no problem I'm like I'm a paying customer I don't really care if it's a problem or not I don't live not to be a problem to you I'm sorry I just you know here's the response to a lie my pleasure my pleasure I love I'll because it's like really you really take pleasure and serving me yeah I love that and the best stores the best hotels the best restaurants train their employees to say my pleasure I was in a stolen store one day and someone served me or something I said well thank you so much and they said oh it's my joy I'll like you I just liked you I liked you a lot so when you're serving your spouse and you just have a bad attitude she's terrible okay here's the third one reject scorekeeping and do what you do with the spirit of grace and faith there's no score keeping you don't have to deserve it score keeping means you you haven't anything for me lately why did I do anything for you this is the first Peter 2:2 this you were called because Christ also suffered for us leaving us an example that you should follow in his steps so when Jesus when we were in our sins Jesus was dying for us right it's called redemptive love Jesus suffered for you leaving you an example to follow in his steps the first example he uses his marriage the context here is how to treat your spouse when they're doing the wrong thing this is first Peter 3 4 the same goes for your wives be good wives to your husbands responsive to their needs their husbands who is different as they are to any words about God will be captivated by your life of holy beauty of what matters is not your outer appearance the styling of your hair the jewelry you wear the cut of your clothes but your inner disposition cultivate inner beauty the gentle gracious kind that God delights in and what is basically saying here is when your husband's not acting right respect your husband and treat him better than he deserves honor is so powerful to a man that will change our behavior to the person giving it to us if you want to change your husband don't treat him with disrespect treating better than he deserves men this is first Peter 3:7 talking about redemptive love the same goes for your husband's be good husbands to your wives honor them delight in them is they lack some of your advantages but in the new life of God's grace your equal treat your wives then as equals so that your prayers don't run aground you cannot disassociate the way you treat your wife with your relationship with God if you're mistreating your wife God won't hear your prayers and it says several important things here first of all it says that you live with your wives with understanding what does that mean she's different your wife isn't like you you need to understand that she's different than you it also says as with a weaker vessel okay what does that mean like fine china women are not weaker than men I just want to tell you right now they're a little physically weaker God made women a little physically weaker so they wouldn't take over the universe because the sisters would they you know they would although all the ladies know you would and but you treat her like fine china and there's a fellow heir of the grace of life your equal and if you don't do that God won't hear your prayers because you cannot disassociate the waitress in the context here is when she's on your nerves when your husband's on your nerves and he's not doing right see in our international our natural responses tit for tat you scratch my back I'll scratch yours you put a knife in my back up at three and years right the only way you can defeat a spirit is with the opposite spirit that's why jesus said love your enemies if you fight fire with fire you just get a bigger fire and redemptive love puts out the fire you're not doing what I want you to do but in response I'm gonna do what Jesus did when I wasn't doing what he wanted me to do I'm gonna love you preemptively and redemptive ly and this is how the opposite spirit is going to change our relationship this is the V SCR V vigilantly protect the priority of your marriage and the time and energy to serve your spouse you have to protect it takes energy to serve and you can't come in to your marriage you just drop down tired every night you'll be tired an out a night or two a week but you can't do it all the time you've got to have the energy to serve each other the reality of the priority of the right the reality of priority is who you serve the first invest and if you're telling me I'm first what that means is you serve me you certain you give me the energy and the attention that I deserve you you have to develop disciplines and traditions in your marriage that keep your marriage first being together talking face-to-face every day taking walks together having date nights every week take these short trips together as often as you can those things keep your marriage first but you have to vigilantly protect the time and energy to serve each other else everything in your life will just keep sapping your energy and you're just gonna keep saying well when we get through this season when we get through this season when you get through this season if you can't do it today it's no good you do it today good now and then this is the this is the e expect to be blessed and don't get discouraged jesus said but whoever is greatest among you shall be your servant and whoever exalts himself will be humbled and He Who humbles himself will be exalted whoever exalts himself will be humbled whoever humbles himself when Jesus got down on his knees and washed the disciples feet Philippians says that God because he came and took the form of a bondservant God highly exalted him and gave him a name that is above every name if you will humble yourself and serve your spouse God will exalt you you'll have you'll have a great marriage because every girl [Music] we hope you were encouraged by today's program connect with marriage today' online at marriagetoday.com they spoke youtube and instagram this program is made possible by the generous support of our faithful partners

Channel: MarriageToday

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Length: 25min 56sec (1556 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 06 2020