THE GREATEST COACH HINES MONTAGE

[Music] bless me Father for I have sinned um I was jealous of my friend's video game and I talked back to my mom and I stole $35,000 from the school cafeteria and um you know as a priest you're not allowed to tell anybody what I just said right I mean I have immunity right well yeah you do have immunity but keep in mind that God knows what's in our hearts you have an ny wrap it up okay quit talking the pad Ray and get out of here before I impel you on the staple of this church is there let's give the money back to the cafeteria okay too l i just spend it on strippers and licorice so okay bless me Father for I am about to sin what what do you mean oh FS these kids it's these high school kids on here these guys like yamashi I want to kill these little dng nuts I mean and not simple killings either you know what I'm talking about I want to do like really creative killings like in the Saw movies these guys are ass nuggets over here you wait here no no no wait young NY come back here and bring carero with you okay get in there right now get in there right now get in there get in there carero you get get your little fat head in there now you tell your M you tell his majesty here right now what you did to me yesterday I don't want to okay th this is not how we do it asy you and Caraco are going to tell his high holy one here what you did yesterday or I will slice your head off with the edge of my house key and then drown your face in the baptismal F well you see what I'm what I'm dealing with here your presidency can't you just give me to all clear I'm making yamanashi eat some broken glass or something like [Laughter] Co if you do not do your act of contrition I will personally call God then we will form a tribal council and rip your body limb from limb with the Heth of these two do you understand me you are definitely talking my language here I like that a lot okay thank you so much I will do those actual Contrition there get change bro did you just call me bro you're you ever call me bro again ever you hear me yes some suppressing fire now me I'm going to go on a solo special apps mission that will take me right up the rear okay then I'm going to reach around and grab their Pole from behind coach has a lot of experience with the reach rounds oh my God no he didn't Yi I dream of the day when Medical Science will allow me to be shrunk to a microscopic size and injected into your spinal fluid once there I will travel in a minute your sub through your body and into your brain meat okay then I will take a pill that will allow me to grow back to normal size exploding your skull bone and rendering your body into a pink Mist forenta yeah I see you secure it son secure it okay you want to talk we can talk after school during detention huh you think you'd like that no then you keep it zipped players started the fight during a b okay you know what Mr muoy here's the envelope and you just pushed it okay that's what you did I can see you man night goggles I can see you all right 2020 right here buddy 2020 Chief okay you think I don't know what you're doing you want to make fun of Mr vgo's hair lip let's do it after school their player and there's the line and you just Frost it dealing with Jer you put down that magazine and you pay attention or I swear I'm going to tear those leg braces off and shove them down your throat holy mother Mother of God on Earth and in heaven at the exact same time who is chewing gum who in this room besides me is chewing gum now somebody better speak up right now or I swear I'm going to lock every single money in this building and set it on fire coach Coach Hines yeah yeah oh Jeepers for the love of a goat nut hey yo coach what are you doing here I work here I'm working what does it look like your moronic squat job huh is this your after school job what if it is yummy NY what if it is yummy NY what if it is my after school job what if coaching you dumb pug muckers doesn't pay all my expenses huh what then Chief huh what then okay here s everything you King sir Sandy is that your first name Sandy it stands for sand ball yashi sand ofal which translates for if you call me Sandy again I'm going to cut your body in half with a hubcap if you two poor coals even get near that thought I will kill you and I won't be creative about it I'm just going to take you out in broad daylight shoot you the back of the head pay the consequences yamanashi yamanashi don't you dare put that tip in there do it yamashi don't do it yamashi don't don't do it don't do it don't do don't do it yamashi I swear don't put it in there yamashi don't don't put it stop yamashi you stop it yamashi do it yamashi don't do it don't you do itashi if you wow hey you just got a tip there Sandy I certainly okay here's the game plan guys okay do your best okay you got it you guys do that you're all winners in here despite what the scoreboard says okay get him boys get off J guys here we go we're doing this for real now okay all right time out time out time what are you guys doing out there your mother Grabbers get in here what is wrong with you guys okay new strategy lose this game and I will murder you okay te listen to me right now if that guy gets past you I'm going to cut your body in half with the edge of a coin okay it can be done I saw it on CSI New York not the original one New York don't let him pass don't let him pass don't let him pass don't let him pass he's going to breach it guys you're going to get it in a n right there Bu you're going to get a blow D you think about that huh how about a crossbow m I'm in complete control D it stay in that zone or you're going to disappear so fast you'll be dead and buried before the Amber Alert goes out get here what about this huh what get a little compound V some leg legalist legalist legalist what hey why is just such a fat mouth and let the boys play some basketball okay guess what you know what though that's a good idea coach Sims I want at it why don't you come over here and I'll snap your head off with some bolt cutters huh there's your optic nerve and your spinal cord there's vertebrae C2 right there hanging out there what do you think about that huh cuz if you want to play we can play you want a doy D jack ass okay all right you kiss your mother with that mouth huh blow it out your ass you know what this is this this my crystal ball right here you know what I stand there old lady after the game parking lot shot to the Head how off the court why I'm J get off the cour that's twice for you buddy you're on my list twice now you know what that means I kill you I revive you and then I kill you again okay I'm shut your big fat mouth and get off the car you got a new name now it's Hail Mary full of bullets how about that sex out here all you guys after the game alphabetical order mass murder all you hey if you got some Spirit then let me hear it all right yeah no shut up shut up jum heads that's real funny you want to show Miss Slattery here your little tongue in the cheek and hand jerk in there no as I was saying examples of inappropriate behavior toward women would include uh being disrespectful oh look at this dumb niece in the rav four here name calling Hey Hooters why you use your turn signal for what how about huh lenie Game Boy off selini you turned the game boy off kind okay I know you can hear me boy I will put a syringe of raw sewage in your arm okay okay s you want to play games Chief you want to play games cuz we will play some games Chief huh is that what you want to do okay that's it you know what all right you want to play ring around your throaty with a table saw how about that give me the game wrong with you unbelievable I you want some you want some huh let's go then let's go I will put 6 tons of yellow bus up that Prius you want to go we can go you want to go yeah let's go hey hey hey I will toss a match in that gas [Applause] tank son of a mother duck now I've been a coach at this high school for 15 years and I have ever seen a performance like that no ever now you listening to me when a Drama teacher had a heart attack and principal langstein gave media responsibility for directing this production Oliver I told him I'd rather saw my own nads off with a kite string and I'm out here giving 164% and so should you okay now who the hell is playing my Oliver Twist that's me coach [Laughter] [Applause] okay now the way I read it Oliver Twist is a little British kid okay so you got to quit playing him like he's Asian I am Asian cook I don't give a fat fart sickle if you're Asian Malaysian or Caucasian I don't care there you're an actor now you cut it with the Asian accent you missed your entrance pal and you left half the cast out there jerking their noodles for 10 minutes well you before you even came out it's called intermission do you think I give a rat's ass if I use the wrong theer term or not I don't know what are you thinking out there they're in the who will buy number but it doesn't even come close to looking like the choreography not one of you cork holes is staying inside your Zone all right this is a Sunday morning in London gentlemen not the bumper car rides into Six Flags now listen Okay what I need you guys to do is sweet red roses is going to move over here in the flat okay you're going to run this right here down the alley I need a couple of brothel girls to move up here like this I need a barid to seal off this section right here okay when you get over to sweet red roses then R strawberry wipes going to cut over here and a slant to a corner you're going to move it back over here to the point rock this over here you got pie like that then you can to move this to this situation I E six guys I need two horse carriages here and two horse carriages here to Blitz you got to Blitz them okay you got to Blitz the town Cavern and end here we're moving that over here that's who will buy for the sweet red roses you're coming I need jity ji jity ji and hook okay ji ji jiy and a button hook here you to come back down and that's when the bids move across they tackle The Artful Dodger we got a knife here and sister dad in the hell Mary now what he's so hard about [Applause] that Oliver repeat that for me right now how you hook it around and then [Applause] they I'm going to remove your dadum I want everybody here to take a good look at hack and Jose okay now most guys would not be caught dead wearing a dress okay I know I wouldn't but at an all boy School somebody's got to play the leading lady in and here she is now I asked this young lady man to give me 164% and he she is giving me 207% morning students faculty guests before we begin our career day presentations let us all bow our heads for the opening prayer Lord we thank you for the gifts that you have given each and every one of us we ask that you guide us through these Discerning times and we ask that you bless us Mr baggot yeah yeah do you want to burn in hell son cuz we're praying to God here you see that you know what instead of peace on Earth I'm going to make it hell on Earth what you think about D huh cuz I will do it I will set you on fire like a charcoal briquette okay now you knock it off I'm sick of it it's inappropriate hey guys hey right here Sloop PK telet all three after school triple murder right there okay CU I'm sick of it all right now listen I'm just as bored as you are but it's plant guy stuff okay but that does not mean it's time for the chitty chats okay all right now we're going to all listen while this dork finishes this little useless yakity yak yak okay and if you don't I swear this is going to be your neck right here what about look that's your medulla oblin guys now you need to it off sure uh before we begin I would like to invite everybody to the art room where we are uh doing self-portraits so uh and this little upj art as the gay guy huh is that what you're going to say Hagadorn the Mr Fruity Pebble over here huh the nany boys is that what you're going to say how you think that makes them feel huh how do you think it makes guys like vaugh and Handley over there feel when you're singling them out it's the homosexual gay guys huh you're going to knock it off you're going [Music] to I'm I'm married with two kids so well your secret safe with me tough guy uh if you would like to okay Pine here is the airport security and the Beeper just went off better take out your wallet and your cell phone and your keys all right oh we got a security breach coach security breach oh look at that a jugular how about you need to knock it off you're going to be a pirate okay about down I'm going to snatch your little throat out from outside of your tongue I know it didn't make any sense my beautiful me does anybody know what CPR is need to sh anybody CPR [ __ ] the Sayer CPR means cardiovascular pulmonary withit and uh one of the things I specialize in is um emergency medical procedures uh most cardiac arest occur outside a hospital setting as you know um emergencies can occur anywhere virtually anywhere it can occur um at the house at at the workplace um at a loved ones let's say you're at the park with a friend driver you have time and it can happen right there and what are you going to do you know there's not much you can do except um have knowledge and have U education and that's doing here um um in fact study show emergency are more likely to occur get this at the home because that is where most of the activity takes place and loved ones to respond what do you want Mr Dy yeah uh are you lost ch huh huh then find a seat and your fit down okay Mr gunlock it's a word hole funny to you somehow huh you like little like little holes holes H real funny gunlock you secure it or I will staple it son okay show some respect there is a dead nun in this box no another crack like that I'm going to put you in there next door her I will do it I will make room in there for you so you just try me Chief you just try me love do you want to die Mr hakin do you want to expire then you put that basketball down CU this is your warning Chief this is your warning I see that basketball again and this is going to be your neck huh like that like that huh I'm twist it stabing stabbing the neck twisting and stabbing in your dead a Twist and a stab and I'm killing you right there in the spinal CT I am telling you and this bunch of jug heads they're sitting around here acting like a bunch of rectal apertures I understand we need to maintain discipline but oh what I see you hawman I see you eyes back of the hand 2020 and I see you you Offman on unbelievable you're going to get it in the neck you're dead come to school for detention and then you're going to be deceased shared a great love hat hat off for hat off or contemporary contemporary H get the hat off you know you can hear me they sang many times together don't you play me boy don't you you you to play take the head off your head you want to play GCE you want to play games we play my in your face you like that game take that hat off your head or I'm going to punch your heart through the back him in her memory I will K you in your fifth verra you don't take please please I don't give a darn what your orod says a Hat's a hat and it's uncalled for huh how's that for your hat you like that for your hat that that of your where there is hatred let me bring you [Music] lovey in you oh master ever SE so much to be cons as to [Music] conso you're going to get Lang [Applause] you [Applause] okay everybody hold the work now hold it down okay listen you jack knobs I found this Cherry Ring Pop which is Delicious By the way and this steroid syringe in the showers which means one of you chugger nuts in here is juicing and we're not leaving here until I find out who what's it going to be gentlemen huh am I going to have to test every single one of you [Laughter] [Applause] guys or somebody around here going to man up and own up to what happened huh what do you want Callum as it's me uh I kid's been juicing son of a gun yeah I'm a ni you're suspended we why me I would never take steroids listen to me we got to have somebody take the fall for Coles why because Tune in Tokyo I'm unless you forget he's the guy that took us to wrestling Nationals last year after we killed that kid in state finals jeers now you got to fill up this cup right here I'm already sick of it now get a sample so we can give it to kumes okay that Cup's way too big coach he needs a th you you secure it right now it's average you get out of here I'm going to set you on fire now get back to work [Applause] okay

Channel: Montage Central

Views: 745,473

Keywords: Montage (Film Genre)

Id: aT8GbrtJo5w

Length: 24min 49sec (1489 seconds)

Published: Sat Jan 10 2015