The Dumbest 911 Dispatches (Police Stories r/AskReddit)

emergency personnel offered it what's the dumbest situation you've been dispatched to not quite in the same vein but I worked at a vet clinic that received a report from the local overnight emergency vet for a dog the owners thought was having a seizure in the middle of the night if the dog was diagnosed with dreaming that's adorable is crap report of a woman drowned in shallow water off the South Shore of Long Island it was a semi deflated blow-up doll a tragic loss indeed briefly shadow the small town fire department lady called in that some dude was impaled by a branch while pruning trees rushed over there it was all makeup they were shooting a film all the neighbors had been notified but she forgot apparently got called for a child whose grandfather and legal guardian was actively abusing her note said screaming and crying was heard in the background as well as don't hit me again and he's trying to kill me turns or a 12 year old girl had snuck to go see her 20 years old boyfriend and came back drunk and stoned reeking of weed and when her grandfather tried to punish her by taking her phone and grounding her she grabbed a knife and tried to stab him in the process of disarming her he pushed her backwards and into a table knocking a lamp over it was at that point she grabbed a phone and barricaded herself in a room and called 9-1-1 I'm not the emergency personnel in this situation but I called 911 found my neighbor an elderly lady lying on the ground outside she was slurring unable to get up and generally dizzy looking I thought she had a stroke they got there and were talking to her for a few minutes before telling me that she was just drunk calling was smart if a diabetics blood sugar gets too low their symptoms mimic being drunk during one of my 24 hours ambulance shifts for EMT basic training we got a call to her Big Lots for a laceration on a finger it was essentially a paper cut from a rough edge of a chipped candle I got to practice my mt skills by applying direct pressure to a non bleeding index finger even got to put a bandaid on it the girl was acting like she could not look at her finger and was going to pass out from all the blood the gold strip I held on her finger didn't even have a spot don't worry she sued I got called for a woman experiencing stomach pain which she calmly claimed was a 10 stroke 10 that must have been quite the trooper since her husband drove have 30 minutes across the county past the hospital and two urgent care centers to let her mom look at it before calling the wee-woo for someone who had been having unprotected intercourse for seven months she sure was confident she wasn't pregnant the nurse who had to explain to her the way these things work was right on the corner of amused and annoyed not your typical emergency personnel that I work for a commuter railroad and I get called out to inspect the equipment when there are pedestrian vehicle strikes there was a couple making out on the tracks and saw the train coming and decided to play chicken to see who would bail first the girl lost both the game and a leg her mother called 911 spilled a bottle of Tide soap and was walking in it she even called poison control before she called 9-1-1 and poison control told her there would be no side effects the only advantage was the whole house smelled like lavender twenty-something year old guy called 9-1-1 he bought new shoes a few days before they were too tight his feet hurt he was still wearing them when we got there but I successfully extricated him dispatched to a child with seizures who had a history of epilepsy got on scene and the kid was coming out of his seizure and was post like for package the kid up to transport to the hospital and his mother is screaming at me that he must have his peanut butter balls not sure what he meant I asked her what she was referring to his peanut butter balls he has to have em I have them in a jar here take these peanut butter balls to the hospital she hands me a small pill container I look at a label and read that it is phenobarbital a common anti-seizure medication I asked the mom if this is what she meant by peanut butter balls apparently she never read the pill bottle label and misheard the doctor pronouncing phenobarbital as peanut butter balls guy moved out into the country his 1/2 acre lot was surrounded on three sides by farm fields come harvest time he calls 9-1-1 and blocks the farmers access to their field with his vehicle wants me to force the farmers to stop harvesting because when he leaves all of his windows open the inside of his house becomes dusty dispatched for a very strange gas like smell in the backyard we got there and walked around with our sensors all levels were normal well miss everything is normal what's that smell then she asks all we smell is some mulch she exclaims is that what that smell is they just had mulch put in behind us yesterday how long is that smell going to be around are we going to have to keep our windows closed for that long lady with Alzheimer's called 9-1-1 fighter in her kitchen they described it as someone in her kitchen as if that isn't silly enough the spider didn't even end up being a spider it was a dead fly on her windowsill she needed a bird to catch the spider to catch the fly firefighter and nine one one dispatcher here once as a dispatcher took a call for suspicious activity what was suspicious there was a bicycle in the front yard of her neighbor's home she told me I've never seen a bike there before and it just seems weird we didn't even bother to dispatch that one as a firefighter once during a huge rainstorm we were dispatched for a vehicle in the water this intelligent gentleman has decided to try to Ford a river that was several foot high in his small Toyota car with his girlfriend in the vehicle he drove into the water and predictable got stuck he immediately jumped out and swam to shore leaving her standing in the trunk with the vehicle stuck at an angle upward in the water as we got his girlfriend out he tried to pass it off as her fault she slapped him and none of us said a word about it another time we were called to a police assist when we arrived on scene the officer directs us to the guy in the back of his cruiser the guy shows us his finger and says it hurts the finger is covered in a paper towel held on the finger by a rubber band when he removes the rubber band we see that the top 2/3 of his finger has been amputated and has been unattached for a couple days he had just been walking around with his amputated finger held onto his bloody finger stump for a couple days and just decided when he was being arrested that that was the time to deal with it my sister was a dispatcher and she would tell me all sorts of dumb calls she got one time my sister got a call from a woman reporting that a man robbed her during her h deal apparently her dealer ran off with the money and gave her some random substance that doesn't get you high but it looks like H the woman was being serious and acting like she was getting unfair treatment from a legitimate legal business the woman is a sheltered middle-class woman from the suburbs she was genuinely surprised that anyone would have the audacity to act that way in that kind of situation she wanted that man arrested and wished to sue him according to my sister she had the I demand to speak to the manager attitude over the phone the whole time paged at 3 a.m. for an ill person so I'm already tired and being sent to something vague isn't what I want arrived on scene and walked to the front door middle-aged guy opens the door and looks absolutely terrified he rushes us in and we ask what's going on he replies I have the hiccups partner and I are exhausted from a rough 24 hour shift and we are incredibly confused we ask him to clarify and he explains that in his 40 odd years of life he's never had a case of the hiccups and is absolutely positive his life is in danger we do our assessment and then explain that it's normal and really doesn't require the air much less us he demands that we take him to the ER so we obliged when I called in the report the hospital asked me to repeat the chief complaint three times we were kicked to trigger the second we walked in by some very annoyed nurses luckily they understand that we cannot refuse transport if the patient as a complaint and wants to go dude was absolutely fine paramedic here dispatched to a man with a groin injury arriving on scene I found a 30 year old man doubled over in pain and bleeding quite heavily from his crotch area long story short he wanted to see what happened if he put peanut butter on the tip of his dong and let his Rottweiler lick it off I think he was partaking some sort of self pleasuring thing and wanted the dog to give him a form of oral I control the bleeding the best I could and God is asked to the hospital he underwent micro surgery to try to save his mangled dong but I understand that it was unsuccessful also the part of his dong that was eaten by his peanut but a loving dog was resting comfortably in his dog's digestive tract can't make this stuff up not sure if it was chunky or smooth peanut butter which was the first question my chief asked me upon returning to headquarters got dispatched to a nursing home for a guy who was pulseless arrived on-scene to find the nursing home staff doing CPR on a guy who had been dead for at least six hours before they found him they couldn't understand why we called it after hooking him up to a monitor and finding he was asystole who then didn't understand why we weren't gonna transport him to the hospital dumb big tragic situation courtesy my EMT best friend things learned from a patient with CCS spider bite on my ass one if normal anal play just isn't doing it for you anymore the obvious solution to this problem is to order a fancy exotic tarantula from a fancy exotic tarantula seller and then proceed to somehow coax and/or Schaaf said arachnid into your rectum a more accurate cc would have been spider bite in my arse - spiders become very upset when this happens and they will bite you multiple times before expiring lost somewhere in your lower bowel no MS will not look for it for you the pay grade isn't nearly high enough some things are best left to physicians three while it is helpful to know the exact species of said spider you've shoved up your ass because Yolo this information is not very useful when you've waited three days after being bitten to call the booboo bus for yes that anal discharge is not normal yes it is probably related to being bitten by the spider jeez no it will not go away on its own no there is not something you can put on it but thanks for noticing the for external use only instructions on the bug bite cream guy ended up losing everything up to the transverse colon not sure exactly what he was going for sadly all of this might have been a little easier to understand if he had irradiated the spider first poopin a bag man is not nearly as catchy as spider-man so he'll shove a spider up his ass but external use only buttercream is where he draws the line responded to a residence for uncontrolled him ah hedge possibly to a dangerous part of the body sir My partner and I roll the medic unit rolls the volunteer fire depth rolls sir we have nine people respond hot to this house stroll in and see a kid sitting on the couch holding a Kleenex to his hand he cut his finger on a soup can it was what I would describe as a very aggressive paper cut the kicker they were literally across the street from the hospital apparently the kids uncle had a track record of abusing the system a lot another one we got a call for a psych patient acting erratic and talking to herself turns out she was perfectly fine just chatting to someone on a Bluetooth headset not a paramedic but work in health care and they trained less in emergency care at university guy told us on a training day that they were dispatched to a house after a woman called in hysterics claiming her baby had been assaulted turned out her pet dog was mating with a neighbor's dog in the back garden and she got upset when she saw it 45 year old male locked inside car called 9-1-1 buddy responded to tell him to unlock it then try the handle another life saved my ride-along during EMT school had to have a certain number of hours spent working with a rescue squad on a slow night our third call was other shooting that at the time had the victim in critical condition we responded and come to find out the victim put on a bulletproof vest and told his GF to shoot him well she did and missed the vest completely poor guy died later at the hospital no alcohol involved either kid got his head stuck in a fence then he got stung by a bee everyone present that day including the kid found out he was allergic to bee stings so then they had to resuscitate him good times a man on PCP who broke into an apartment still a pair of women's panties changed into them was discovered and chased away by the woman's boyfriend and we found him running around the neighboring abandoned lot wearing nothing but said panties dispatched to illness for a 90 some odd year old woman she stated that she had eaten two bites off leftovers and then realized they were leftovers and wanted us to induce vomiting we are at BLS unit we don't do that which we explained and opie off daughter freaks out and is yelling at the mother about how she made the EMTs come all the way out here and now she is going to go with us to the hospital to get her stomach pumped at the hospital we stopped her right there ad and explained that the hospital isn't going to preform a painful and unnecessary procedure over eating leftovers it ended up being a refusal and we didn't take her to the hospital also in my city units were dispatched to reports of a body in a dumpster in the wee hours of the morning upon arrival they discovered that the body was actually a Justin Bieber standee well don't just stand there resuscitate the Justin Bieber cutout 9-1-1 call for a four yo who had a nightmare unconscious child arrived on scene to find a kid laying down on the floor in a store no history full day of school was running around the store being a brat when he was reprimanded promptly fell out definitely responsive to pain pupils are good so our loudly announced we're going to have to stick him with needles and draw some blood give him fluids patients regained consciousness and tried to run away unconscious diabetic get on scene and there's a woman laying on the couch with sugar sprinkled on her the woman's son knew it was a problem with low sugar and figured he'd try to help it would have been super cute except the kid was 16 please everyone educate that is around you if you have chronic health problems that can become emergencies one patient that wasn't mine but came in on another unit while we were waiting for tridge 17 yo male couldn't get it up with his girlfriend insisted that nothing like that could ever happen so something must be wrong they call 9-1-1 transported make it to Trish and get promptly sent out to the lobby the nurse as they are walking away says to us someone needs to show that girl how to use her mouth my husband was a cop he got called out to an active domestic one night about 2:00 in the morning gets unseen guy comes out and says his girlfriend assaulted him with a weapon turns out she threw a hot pocket at him the most devastating of weapons simultaneously frozen hardened molten heart easy one got called for a woman who had a miscarriage on the toilet show up and it's not a miscarriage just a big nasty turd so I worked for an ends crew at a major university there's one event that happens every spring where the undergrads get absolutely wasted I've never consumed more alcohol in a 24-hour period and as a student during one of these spring flings we got dispatched for a naked drunk kid which wasn't done by itself no what was done with that by the time we arrived the kid had run off then we head back to base and every 20 minutes or so we get that call for the same kid in a different location this goes on for a few hours and if you plot the locations we were called to you could see him inching towards campus we finally found him passed out in the freshman dorms you made it home hooray my dad is a firefighter he has a regular who calls 911 get stuck on the toilet no they didn't fall in or get their intestines ripped out by flushing they are so large that they lose feeling in their legs that they cannot get off of the toilet he knows the guy by name now and my dad says he is a pretty nice guy he just needs to not sit on the toilet for so long sent to a lady whose two-year-old kid had licked a baby wipe like touched it to his tongue then he made a face and went on with his two-year-olds day best part was that mum was a nurse and thought it might have burned his lungs ridiculous several years ago when I was a paramedic for a volunteer fire department we were dispatched for a possible heart attack arriving upon the scene we grabbed all of our equipment and started to run towards the house we were stopped by the houses owner who was screaming she dead she no move and pointed towards his car he had called 9-1-1 be ours battery was dead responded to a medical alarm that says Life Alert activation with the patient not responding to the dispatchers questions turns out it was an old lady who wanted someone to fix a TV you're goddamn right we fixed it like this video but do it quietly so you don't wake up the sleeping papa I hope you enjoyed the video if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people

Channel: UE Stories

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Id: VLhAHHNJso0

Length: 18min 23sec (1103 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 03 2019