What causes anxiety
and suffering? Maybe let me tell you
my own story. It's not a nice story, but it has a good ending,
a happy ending. My story is... Maybe you know? When I was young, I had anxiety
disorder, or panic disorder. It was a big problem. And... When I was in three year retreat,
you know, when I was doing retreat, at that time I was really focusing
on working with my panic. And what I found was that there were two causes
of my anxiety. Two causes. First,
you believe in your panic. With any message that comes
from panic, you think, "Yes, you're right.
Yes sir." Because you have monkey mind,
yeah? What I call monkey mind. Blah blah blah.
Yada yada yada. Always talking, talking. But this voice is not
always nice, you know. It worries. It worries too much, you know,
and make problems. Excuse me. "This is a problem!
That is a problem!" "He's not good!
She's not good!" "Oh, there's danger!
Oh!" And you think, "Yes! Yes!
It's not good, not good! "This is a problem!
What should I do? Hmm! Oh!" In this way, the problems
become bigger and bigger. And in your brai,
the scientists say - there's a lot of neurons in
your brain, and they talk a lot! They love gossip!
Gossipy neurons. Anf they share gossip
with each other, you know. And then one neuron says,
"Oh, there's a problem!" And then another neuron says,
"Yes! There's a problem!" "Oh!
Yes, yes!" And they become bigger,
and bigger, and bigger, like a political group, you know.
They become bigger. Then your perception
also changes. You know, everything looks
kind of fearful. Everything looks like
it's dangerous. You cannot sleep.
Your heartbeat goes up, also. And... For you, the world is… Fearful! Why? Because you believe
in your panic. You say,
"Yes sir!" That's why, maybe 99… Maybe 98% of your perception
is not real, but you created it. Your fear becomes bigger,
and bigger, and bigger. So, if you recognize that
this is my own perception… Some scientist said, "99% of our worries
are not going to happen." You know. So this is the first cause.
And the second cause is… After some time, maybe you
don't like your panic. For me, also.
At first, I believed the panic. "Yes! Oh..." Then later on, it drove
me crazy, you know. There was a lot of problems.
I didn't like my panic. I had fear of my panic.
I had panic about panic. Aversion to panic,
and dislike. The fear of panic is stronger
than the panic itself sometimes. And then,
it is like, "Hey!" You know.
You're fighting with the panic. You're against the panic. And
that also creates more anxiety. So behind the anxiety,
there's another anxiety, which pushes you
to develop your anxiety. This is why I think
the best is… the best is… the wisdom, which makes you
recognize your own perception. Maybe you have
a little bit of a problem, but your mind
exaggerates the problem and makes it very big. And… The method here
is compassion and meditation - calm abiding meditation. And that gives you peace -
a more peaceful experience. Your mind becomes
calmer and more relaxed. With the combination
of these two, you can free yourself
from your panic. And this is not
only with panic, but also with all the other
types of sufferings, also, and situations in our lives. Everybody has
their own sufferings. Everybody has
their own problems. Each one has a little bit
of different problems. Some are a little bit funny. Some of them look like
they are meaningless. Some look like big problems. And some people have
big problems but they don't feel like
they are having big problems. "I'm OK with that," you know.
"Who cares?" So it depends on how
your mind looks at it. Maybe you have a problem. And it's always
connected with, maybe, "Yes sir!"
Or fighting. "Hey get out!" These two types
of problems, you know. For example... Maybe I will use
a funny problem. What is a funny problem? I cannot find one now. No problems, you know. Well... OK, this might not
be really funny, but some people are very
worried about their stomachs. "I look like I have a big stomach.
Oh, no!" Who knows? Hmm... And when they look
in the mirror, you know, "Huh? My stomach!"
You know. But... Maybe your stomach
is not that big. But as you look in the
mirror again, and again, then you see, "Oh I think
my stomach is big," you know. And then that is developed
in your brain. These gossipy neurons that
are talking to each other, "Yes! Your stomach is big!
It's not good! "You should do something!
Exercise!" Or whatever. "Don't eat!
It's too much!" "But I want to eat!"
"But it's not good!" Your mind says,
"Don't eat! But your stomach says,
"Eat!" And they fight. And slowly, slowly, you feel like
you're very ugly. And every day you feel like your stomach
is becoming bigger and bigger, although it's not! Who knows?
Maybe it's becoming smaller! But you feel like it's becoming
bigger and bigger, you know. And when you walk in front
of other people, you think, "Oh, shes's looking
at my big stomach." Or, "He's looking
at my big stomach." But actually nobody
is looking at your stomach. But you think like that. Then you cannot communicate
with others, you know. You're very shy, or
embarrassed, or depressed. And... Then sometimes
you may think, "Oh, maybe this is not real!
Maybe it's just me thinking! Maybe it's just me creating this,
thinking that I have a big stomach. And you do some research. "Maybe they are not
looking at my stomach." And result of your research is: Yes! They are looking
at your stomach. But actually they are not. In that way, your belief
becomes stronger. And you have hope and fear.
Yes. No. Yes. No. So... 90% or 95% is not real. So if you recognize, "Oh, this
is just my own perception. "Maybe my stomach is a little
bit big, but it's not that big. "And they are not looking
at my stomach," then you can get rid of — you can be liberated
from this problem. And that's what
we call wisdom. If you can maintain
that recognition, especially with meditation,
it's better. Or if meditating is something
you cannot do, then with mindfulness,
and with awareness, it's even better. That's how wisdom
and method come together. Thank you!
His description of the developed state of anxiety, where you fear the panic it's self - that bloody hit home. I've had a rough few months and am struggling with it now.