So Wrong It Is Right (David Micthell & Victoria Coren)

hello hello I'm Charlie Brooklyn welcome to so wrong it's right a panel show about Britain's favorite subject failure we're here to celebrate life's biggest balls ups the sort of massive mistakes that end up turning full circle and becoming perverse kinds of triumphs the Germans have a word for this phenomenon full encircle perverse and triumphal Kipling of course had a famous quote on how to accept failure with dignity shut up any a cherry baked well uh with me tonight to snatch defeat from the jaws of failure are my guests the dismal Rufus Hound the deplorable Victoria Curran and bafta-winning David Mitchell I'll be asking them a series of questions about the worst things in the world and awarding a pointer whoever I think is given the best answer so without any further ado let's take a look at the schools so far you're currently all lying in third place with zero points the stench of defeat is sickening frankly it's a little disappointing but they're still everything to play for as we go into round one which is called wrong time wrong place in which I'll be asking my guests to delve into their own calamitous pasts to come up with the worst thing that's happened to them in a certain situation this week's theme is oh it's holidays Victoria what's what's the worst thing that's ever happened to you on holiday I have been on a Club 18:30 holiday I don't I I don't put you in the phrase Club eighteen to thirty holiday in the same universe that's very kind of you to say I did go you can guess whether I went because I wanted to get laid a lot or I was covering it for the Daily Telegraph but I went as a lobotomy both considering this of the daily telegraph today think it was a reenactment of the Year 1830 nobody has any sex on them anybody the sort of drinking holidays it's it's I don't he's 18 are there was this little concrete box full of vomiting children and it was who drank all day the one thing that freaked me out immediately is at breakfast they gave you this drink called orange but wasn't orange juice orange was just a glass of orange I think I have rum in it and all day but we drank it was like it was a sort of a sex abstention for a leg we were just insensible with Drake but the thing that was the hot the weirdest thing that anybody said to me while I was there and it didn't really depress me at the time but it does now there was this this chap I remember he he just left school was a celebration holiday and and he said again what's great about living schools I'm gonna get my own place it's really nice for my dad because he's worked his whole life he's brought me up it's been all responsibility now you know he can relax enjoy you know his old age and you know look forward having some grandchildren and I said how old's your dad and he said he's 32 we did you go on your own with friends I took a friend who we're not really friends anymore I said I was really good I've got this holiday and we're gonna get it free with the Daily Telegraph know it all for you just you sit in a room and they they're sort of buckets of drink all different drinks poured in a bucket and people just literally just are lying on the floor vomiting that's the essence of the of the although you could probably get pregnant from the hotel simple but and weed it really they just they just drink themselves unconscious and then they get flown home in an air ambulance it's just the sounds alright sounds like some form of treatment considering that this is meant to be your worst holiday you didn't pay for it how can that possibly be bad let's find out from normal honest-to-goodness people who here would like a free holiday I rest my case change please have you haven't paid for something you're never gonna appreciate it that's Joe and that raises a lot of questions baby what's the worst thing that's ever happened to you on I'm I've not had a very traumatic experiences on holiday really but it was it was sitting in a former Church in Swansea that had been converted into a cinema which is called the one two three because they named their screams one two and three and watching Dumbo and while it poured with rain outside and while steamed slowly rose from everyone else in the cinema probably me as well but I was blaming them I think that's lovely though somebody not nothing like a parody so what no there's nothing lovely about it in places incredibly sort of muggy and humid there was no rake for the seating I don't want gesturing is a radio program it's like you sit on chairs and on a flat you know in a place at once a place of worship I went on a holiday once which consisted of it was a three-day trip to Spain on a car ferry there in back and there was no entertainment it's half there's his veins yes it was at five days to get there 3:30 was a day and a half there and a day and a half back and it was a cinema onboard and I think this is a worse adamah so there was a cinema on board where the it was showing mortal combat for moving Rufus can you do any worse um no the only thing I had my way of competition was just when I started getting paid work as a stand-up I was able to use some of that and go on a two-week holiday to Tunisia with the girl I hadn't been going out with then had been going out with then hadn't been going out then was going out with that's a long way of saying on-off girl yeah but what I'm trying to do is labor the point Oh just--how off it was because this was meant to be the two weeks where finally we put our differences behind us but what actually happened was it was I don't know if anybody's been to Tunisia but there's not a great deal to do but outside of the walls of the hotel the girl I was with was very fair head and that is clearly something of an exotic thrill to the locals so anytime she left she basic got felt up and if we were in the Suk's and things like that she was just partly being sort of poured at so she didn't really feel that that she wanted to leave the hotel so we basically developed our own brand of all-inclusive Stockholm Syndrome where we were sort of penned in and rather than this being a uniquely bonding experience that saw the relation last it was then she realized she had a totally captive audience to prowl over every my new detail about why we've got together and why we broke her up and who I'd seem to mid-time until it literally got to the point where I said we can't stay in the hotel anymore and I told her it was because there had to be more to Tunisia we were seeing but it was actually because I genuinely hope she was gonna get abducted that's a horrible but but that Charlie Brooker is how bad that holiday would no point did my grandparents off me a word is original or somebody else pay for it I think you were apply me what I want to know is who had you been seeing during the time apart because I mean if you actually took the relationship seriously and cared about her wanted a future you would have just waited when you'd have sat and waited for will you I mean if you were out every night asking people on dates seeing other people you know you didn't care you didn't mean it that you put yourself in a position where she's asked you these reasonable question and this just taking you back this ultimately charlie is why all of my friends are men I'd say that all things all things considered I'd say I'm going to I'm going to avoid a point to date fit misery is relative let's not forget that move on now to round 2 if we may ah which is called do your worst it's a test of my guests capacity for creative wrongdoing this week I'll be asking my guests to pitch me an idea for the most terrible reality TV show I don't mean bad in that it wouldn't work because none of them do but bad in that human society would have to degenerate by that 80% in order for it to be considered vaguely acceptable my favorite terrible idea wins a point and a thirty two part series on itv4 Rufus what's your pitch what I found with these shows broadly speaking is that you start from the title and work backwards the title itself has to be enough to draw us in which is why you get things like dog borstal I've tried to come up with the title and work my way backwards so my suggestion is blaze of granny there was a show not that long ago that dealt sensitively with the issue of euthanasia but I believe that the the British television public have now had that dealt with sensitively and they're ready for a slightly more primetime Saturday night style approach so essentially Vernon Kay I like you already introduces a series of elderly people who have got incurable diseases and they then pick a way to end their own lives the listen radio it was blaze of Granny that they all had to die by fire that's where you'd be wrong disappoint you I don't want to see them injected I want to see them booked oh no this is where the next format point really oh sorry it so because the most spectacular ending of one's own life of the night woman's is point 10,000 pounds a lot so I'm imagining thousand pounds for the family's always so it's gotta feel good in oh yeah so basically the families all stood behind Yunus from Rotherham and Vernon says so Yunus what what's it going to be and she says tonight Vernon I'm gonna be kicked to death by a donkey it's a never bring out the donkey they're gonna be a panel of judges like like a zero phone though oh I say doesn't say cuz it's gonna be hot I'd like to see somebody inhale a drain pipe full of bees you know Charlie it's that kind of thinking that could win you 10,000 pounds that's certainly intriguing dark twister with what they were selling the X Factor is I I would never have had the confidence to apply to this show but my family insisted that I did in my defense may I just point out how that has clearly captured the public imagination looking around this room now there is a man or woman in this room who isn't thinking how would I go thank you very much vocalist Victoria do you believe you can top that well sort of yes and no because the thing is in a way the fact the fact that it captures the public imagination it's really quite a good idea for a reality show I written anything it captured the public's imagination the public's imagination stupid well you put famous people drawn on flannels they watch that I haven't got nearly such a sort of Baroque thought out my daytime as you say it's very difficult to to top things that already exists as I don't know if you know there is already a reality show called help me Anthea I'm infested yes which is it a show in which people that have you know beetles ants rats I think was Ben house Anthea Turner goes on and cleans it out and I was thinking well Anthea Turner unfortunately her husband has gone bankrupt so she obviously could be available for more work so I was really just thinking of ideas for her I haven't got the whole picture is editor to help me out there I've got a Veruca I thought but make a show but just small things because you know there's a recessions everything's gonna be smaller more demand me auntie I've dropped to pay I'm five minutes late for a meeting help me out there I'm nearly out of Marmite I'm worried it's gonna run out it's just this one piece of toast but but I think in fact you wouldn't need to televise it just just get work for Anthea Turner as a sir this floor in the pram have helped me up here I'm infested if you wake up one day and realize you've got rats and then you phone Anthea Turner who helps you get rid of those rats now you've got Anthea Turner yeah and that is worse what do you have to send after Anthea Turner a lion anyone Lions got to get Vernon Kay but what are you send after Kay tiger now you make it sound good my whole point is I'm not gonna try and sell you one no and it would be full of this and that nothing be a bad show that's it help me Anthony I've got a verrucas she turns out you know you show her the Veruca you sit and talk about it for half an hour the show's over but don't tell me that's not the way I thought it sure should be ethically so epically questionable so she'd have to nibble off the virility that immediately that's a video gone but there are shows that are actually of so boring that what they are is just footage of things that would happen anyway and I don't mean the football but no I mean what I'm specifically thinking of is the program homes under the hammer to people say what we're going to do is we're going to look at some houses that are going to be sold at auction as opposed to buy the conventional method and look at the house and say well obviously needs a bit of work but they might get it at a bargain price because it's being auctioned rather than being sold by the conventional method and then we go to the auction see what it fetches which is a little bit more than they reckoned usually but but less than if they've been selling it by the conventional method and then we interview the person who bought it and they say no wait please we got it for less because we're into auction and it wasn't sold but by the conventional method and so we're hoping to do it up and then sell it probably actually buy the conventional now that's all things that just happening anyway and they've just chosen to film and you don't even need to involve anthea or a very fair at all it's just how you know you might say just find someone on the street say well you're going to work ok it's people going to work where you work in an office ok you usually take this route yes so I'm just about to get on the bus falling on the bus by the idea of documentaries say this you're annoyed that they didn't meddle enough in the process of death at the auction and no no no no I D I'm not annoyed that they didn't meddle enough I suppose what I'm annoyed by is their choice of subject rather than the documentary about the bloke that walked between the two Twin Towers in New York it's quite an interesting thing to do selling a house at auction rather than buy the conventional method they have to put this on every day if they had a daredevil no they don't well come on then smartypants what's your what's your idea for a reality show yeah I saw what whirring cue that come on that's not fair this isn't good you don't call me smartypants in real life yet on a rate would be very nice hello David thanks coming and doing the show let's have a good day he resolves you sweetness and light down addressing you but the media it's all smarty pants see what we're doing we're all making it worse so my idea for show is where somebody has to lose their entire circle of friends through rudeness lesson being as cutting as possible so those people are so offended they refuse to speak them anymore and when they have lost their last friend bit like Brewster's Millions and instead of losing their money they're losing their friends when they have lost their last friend they're actually cut off and alone as the biggest [ __ ] who ever lived then they get introduced to a whole new circle of more glamorous friends pot of money and are allowed to live in a yacht to the country as as a success story this is how you succeed you are horrible to everyone in cutting and rude and they give you a nice sound leaving your kind I can't believe you made me a sandwich that is simple and completely horrible um okay I've got an idea for a show called heaven is a place on earth where you find people who are undergoing operations and you wait until they come round you convinced them they died and you've got them met by John Lennon Einstein and people in masks and you see how long you can maintain the pretense I think I would say that's four or visceral appeal I'd say Rufus's blaze of granny who serves the points this next round is called this putrid modern hell I'll be asking each of my guests to nominate the modern misery that most gets on their wick by modern I mean any annoyance from the rise of Jeremy spike onwards he's very much the 911 of modern irritants same since that's my benchmark as ever my favorite answer wins a point so David these days what annoys you I am definitely annoyed by people who keep telling me what an opportunity the Internet is and people say that the Internet is exciting it's an opportunity that you can get your stuff by which I think they mean jokes to lots of different people in different ways and just generally explore this fantastic world that doesn't exist like some kind of entrepreneur and I don't want to be an entrepreneur I want to make comedy shows in a system that already exists please I want everyone to have to watch BBC One or BBC two or ITV and for me to be on one of those I don't want to be on them now that hardly anyone watches them because they can watch anything will stay at home on their computer looking at cats on skateboards so the internet no you know not that not the Internet in itself because there are lots of good things on the internet you can find out when trains are leaving mainly waits for I think isn't progress terrible it's a isn't it no look I'm not changes bad I'm not saying all changes bad I'm not saying don't cure cancer you're just afraid your loss I'm afeared of the Internet I love scared of the future I'm scared of a past nervous at the moment well okay so basically what you what you don't like about modern life is is the moment if we you don't like you don't like anything before or after no I'm not dead I that was just a sort of general remark I'm not I'm not nominating everything didn't go B's me fair enough Rufus I'm a stand-up comedian Charlie Brooker hmm and as such I do quite a lot of driving so I would like to nominate the in adherence to the basic three lane motor I think this interests me I don't drive a car and I've my whole life people have been banging on about people hogging the middle name while in the middle a middle lane huggers middle lane huggers I've never met one they must exist and I swear if I ever learn to drive I'm going to be one of them I thought I don't even understand how the motorway works I can't drive either fresnel easterly no video seems to what how does it work right you've got your three lanes no did you stay in the middle one right do you want to be in my pilot for blaze of grannie basically if you think that the motorway should only be one lane that is the correct way of thinking about it and that is the lane on the left so everybody drives in the lane on the left that's the hello lane oh it's the slow lane I don't want to be going very slow that's not right Victoria this is what I hate public information adverts that show me something revolting in order to scare me out of doing something that I don't do my particularly favourite moment is that one you see in the cinema where the man pulls the rat out of his mouth have you seen that is if this Maki sort of belches up a rat's disgusting and it's to tell you don't buy illegal drugs on the internet or by mail order and the voice-over says the drug sport on the intech could contain rat poison first of all rat poison is not the same as a rat the pill doesn't to contain a wrap that's the fuzzy second only don't buy illegal drugs on the Internet I never have I never will I'm never going to why I'm sitting there I'm quite happy I've got my revels and please just head it's the orange one I like that one so it's good news now I've got to see a man vomiting up a rat there's another one speaking of driving seat belts I always wear a seat belt I always wear one I switch on the television OTT wear a seat belt maybe you'd like to watch a man pancreas exploding is the situation I don't do these things I'm being shown something revolting it's it's I'm being punished for something I haven't done I don't like it if they show they still show I don't have the one where the little girl is under the tree and she bends her so back into life and then and slides along her back into the middle of the road and complains that if you'd hit her at 30 she'd survive if you hit her at 40 she would die so why doesn't she just run away at ten miles an hour the stupid instead of lying around and moaning okay well so one someone who hates pretty much everything this round is is a difficult decision but I'm gonna have to go with I think Victoria on to the final round at random wrongness which is a quick fire round testing my guests capacity for spontaneous error as always the wrongest answer to each question wins a point time starts now what's the worst opening line to a sci-fi novel I've got one ZAF Rach stood on the bridge the plasma from the landing gear still fizzing around the ship so he thought to himself this is Croydon pretty bad it's yeah I had a semi code that's three lines all staggeringly ill punctuated I haven't ever read pensive Evan too bad so much to me you know they've lost me once the bad line is on the cover genre sci-fi I've never looked beyond that I don't even know i we it's meg said Rimmer that is my guess now 1984 never was hype I haven't read any way but it's sci-fi that's not really silent any space aliens in it and once I have read it no space no kidding thank you any minute now the aliens are gonna land no no it's just moaning about the earth and July turned out wasn't that bad at all it was right I was living in Nigeria for fine and it had an irritating afternoon in a cinema well I think I think that's a point of rufus uh what's the worst thing you've ever paid money for I've got one it's those cash machines where they charge you one pound fifty I can't do it you know I just I can't do I'm spending my I'm getting nothing except my own money but less of my own money when I'm today it has to be worse than than a senior banker at business to think that was good and also their worst cash machines and the one they're not even in a proper wall usually like a sort of like a sort of little object in a horrible news agents so that's sort of things I haven't got even the infrastructure isn't the brick not in the side of a bank is it you know you're you're but you're paying surely you're paying for the convenience of having money magically placed into your hand by a robotic hey don't try to make it sound exciting is that the beginning of your sci-fi No jatropha put money in my hand and I had to have sex with the magic robot horrible future where robots pay humans for sex I would say I'm going to give the point to David because paying money for your own money is pretty poor um what's the worst thing you could say to someone on meeting them at a party I want to baby no really I've tried it in a lot of different parties he's never give your point oh uh what's the worst advertising slogan for a fast food restaurant eat fast die young bad I was just it's all right this year's Mouse has already been found come for the food stay for the warmth I think sometimes the names bad when you get those knockoff KFC places I remember seeing one that was called memorable fried chicken still oh my god you can't believe that I'm going to give a point to David for come for the food stay for the warm that noise means we've reached the end of the round and indeed the game having propped up the most points this week's highest scoring contestant is David well done David you've won nothing thanks to all my guests David Mitchell Victoria Koren and Rufus Hound I've been Charlie Brooker now go away so wrong it's right was produced by alla Devon's and it was as a patron production for BBC Radio 4

Channel: Molly Ipek

Views: 357,448

Keywords: Victoria Coren (Author), David Mitchell (Comedian), Rufus Hound (TV Personality), Charlie Brooker (Author)

Id: aRBftxiKbRs

Length: 28min 10sec (1690 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 03 2013