The Billy Martin Celebrity Roast

stay tuned for the Billy Martin roast and I don't know who they roasted [Music] live from Harris marina hotel casino in Atlantic City it's the Billy Martin celebrity ropes with your roastmaster Alan King [Applause] Mickey Mantle Jeff Hoffman yt for Larry bud Melman [Applause] Howard Cosell [Applause] ready Roman [Applause] bread travel inna and our honoree Billy Martin [Music] with special appearances by Yogi Berra brain cones Sammy Davis jr. Tommy Lasorda and Frank Sinatra [Applause] the following that you hear is done being done under protest because I bet there's twisting my arm to say something about Billy Martin I've said more about Billy Martin than his father or anybody else in his family and he's not a very funny man so I don't laugh at him all the time anymore you know what I mean folks if you understand what I'm saying you must be drinking strange booze where the hell ever you are have a good time Billy so loaded welcome Tijeras blanik city truly an amazing place for those of you out there in television land who've never been a rely on exit e every one of these hotels is fantasy island because you walk two blocks from here it's Beirut I want to welcome you to what promises to be a most forgettable evening and I think it's only fitting and proper that we honor a baseball immortal in a gambling establishment he told me you were his hero I've known Billy Martin for many years is both boy man player manager retailer barroom brawler never been in a bar with Billy Martin every time he opens up his mouth he should be arrested for littering there's an old adage that we only roast the ones we love tonight is an exception when they call me about this evening and they said we want to honor a tribute to Billy Martin there was a lot of silence they said nobody will show up someone said how about a roast he said they'll break the walls down the first citizen of the United States ladies and gentlemen George Herbert Walker Bush president of the United States [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] let me just say it is a pleasure to be here tonight I am Batman and I will roast our honoree tonight no other place in the world can a president be introduced by a king ladies and gentlemen Allan care our honored guests is a man who has been through a lot but has not yet fully recovered from his charisma bypass and we wish him well tonight you know I'll never forget the first time I saw this guy on Saturday Night Live with that arrow through his head you know with the white hair playing that guitar mr. president I don't know how to say this but I'm afraid it's not Steve Martin we're roasting tonight it's not Steve Martin oh is it well let's just say it's a very controversial baseball figure Pedro hos fates a good friend of mine we're gonna be on you betcha life sooner no mr. president it's not he throws but his last name does begin with an M me it's not him either well who is it a guy what with a guy with initial M no no no sir mr. president no sir you see it's Billy Martin we're roasting here tonight well you know Billy Martin Oh Billy Martin sure one of my closest friends you must be him cashing out light on King yeah he's the guy that took a shot at me in the bathroom [Applause] now Billy that was a good man was that happen [Laughter] now Billy just look at me as another George telling you you're fired [Laughter] you know People magazine recently asked in a poll what is Billy Martin I'll tell you what Billy Martin is he's Morton Downey jr. and a baseball cap that's what he Billy of course is an optimist all night who's been looking for the Steinbrenner table I don't think he'll be fine but Billy's always ready to help and I have a way for you to help me Billy would you call up Phil and ask if the money store could lend me a couple of trillion for a few years and help me out now Alan King told me you've got to be hip you've got to be today to be on a dais would I work on some things that are different for George Bush to do for my good friend Billy here's the president think so I've got some impressions I'm gonna do for ya I know that's strange Alan but here's one you're gonna love a Syrian hailing a cab in the garment center [Applause] you people go to work I do this here's one for my good friend Freddie Roman Myron Cohen at the signing of the Declaration of Independence mr. Hamilton if I told you once I told you a thousand times I don't cosign for nobody and so in closing because there are so many people up here for this man tonight tonight he is that man and I say let's salute Billy Martin for the type of man he really is a cab driver who got lucky [Applause] [Music] [Applause] the White House Washington July 7th from the president of United States I'm delighted to be part of the special tribute to Billy Bob as a matter of fact I recently asked Barbara if she could name anyone who has contributed more than Billy Martin to making this a kinder gentler nation she rattle off 2006 was it 93 days before I could stop but it's giving of oneself to others that matters Billy and that's where you've excel you've given your right eye your left jab why you've even given your whole self to George Steinbrenner six times yes Billy your contributions have been many thank you you can be sure we'll be thinking about you next time we're in Kennebunkport sitting by the fire roasting marshmallows with sincere best wishes for an enjoyable evening sign George Bush what my next guest has been called articulate eloquent a journalistic gadfly and an iconic lat and depending on whom you talk to he's all something cause some things that you wouldn't read on the wall in a men's room I've known him for 40 years I've always found it to be fair generous and above all honest ladies and gentlemen the man that says it like it is Howard Crusoe thank you very much Alan I thought you were introducing Mickey Mantle [Music] to all of my life only Martin has stood tall and I care about him deeply I want you all to know that and that's why I'm here tonight because the man stands up for where it is and he has always done exactly that I wish I could say the same for mantle through probably the weakest pitch I've ever seen to Frank Howard and thank God the ball barely escaped the clutches of whitey Ford and it bounded back and somehow was held to a double but it was probably the worst pitch I've ever seen which was the only kind Mickey could hit in those years and I never thought much of Ford either so I've lived with these mediocrities through all of the years I want to tell you something it's been one of the great privileges in my life to have shared that curious with them to have known them as my friends and especially the man who caught the pop fly from Jackie Robinson at Ebbets Field in Brooklyn he's never done anything since you're all very privileged tonight to be with these great people and they are indeed America's Heroes Alan King is something else again is not a difficult act to follow but that's always been his problem packet boys hi in Brooklyn 16 fights and then the final one and he got knocked out what she deserved and thank you all so very very much [Applause] [Music] I'm sure you all aware the remarks in that I made during the introduction I called him generous and fair and honest you notice I left out funny [Laughter] [Applause] says here an original comedian he didn't get to the top by stealing material he didn't get to the top by imitating others he didn't get to the top by stepping on others which I gather are the reasons he never got to deduct this kids crazy a favorite of the David Letterman Show and at tonight's show Jeff Altman [Applause] Howard Cosell a Mickey Mantle whitey Ford I'm Jeff Altman sure I guess I've known about Billy Martin ever since I was a kid growing up in Syracuse New York back in the 50s I watched him play watch the manage but most of all I watched his unique approach to baseball so when they asked me to come here tonight to honor this man I pretty much said no thanks absolutely I'm very honored to be included here this prestigious event where else and one evening could you honor a man like Billy Martin and then get right out to free cocktails and Nichols lattice tonight folks is kind of the postmaster of the event I've been sent telegrams and letters which we've had to sort of call out the good ones I've decided to present them here tonight for your edification it's places and people from all over the country are coming in believe it or not former president Richard Nixon writes in mr. Martin I have long been an admirer of your work you've certainly brought honor and dignity to Italian Americans everywhere and I send our best I hope that one day you and Jerry Lewis can reconcile rodney dangerfield later hey I'll tell you no rough really rough congratulations Billy I'll tell you know our lives are kind of similar right when I was a kid you know I loved baseball but I got no respect I'll tell ya no respect at all in fact my dad's first gift to me was a bat except two days later it flew away but I want to tell you [Music] Carl Carlson name doesn't mean anything to you but of course a billion means a lot is one of his old drinking buddies and Binghamton New York where he spends a lot of time I'm reading this directly this is what he handed me Billy Billy listen could you see if I left my shoes over at your place buddy off thank you like a three-foot putt you have fans all over the country people who love you billion fighters Mike Tyson spoke to me about you the other day Mike Tyson is quite an amazing guy only 15 years old who's going to be the guy that finally comes along and knocks out Mike Tyson big fan of yours [Laughter] [Applause] at last feel relief I don't know I love you Billy I have known you ever since you were at the Bronx Bombers and you're awful good on second base Billy you're learning how to tag people real good and then you kept that off off of good and as a manager you and on advantage the Minnesota Twins and I love the Minnesota Twins but I have never seen them both together [Laughter] [Applause] new record in the last year with sixty four wins and fifty six losses and that was just against your teammate last night I just finished if his new book and I have loved it it's a his own book on psychology it's called I'm okay you're killed on a hell of a show for so many years when we love it [Applause] ladies and gentlemen if I may be allowed in a roast to introduce the greatest southpaw that ever lived 24 [Music] that's a quite an honor Alan from this dais not to say sandy koufax was the best pitcher jealousy I'm gonna just tell one story it's just it's a story that I think will tell about our friendship the three of us back in the 50s Mickey and I used to go hunting down in Kerrville Texas for deer mr. Wilson Hamilton Wilson owned a twenty thousand acre ranch there Mickey said Billy said why how much you invite me to go hunting so one year we says okay Billy you're going hunting with us so we meet we meet in Dallas at Mickey's house Mickey had a van and we drove nine hours from Dallas Texas to Kerrville Texas which is right on the borderline of Mexico about an hour before we got there Billy fell asleep in the back of the van so Mickey and I when we got to the ranch we we get out and we went in to see mr. Wilson and he says where's Billy you said you're gonna bring Billy Martin we sees he's sleeping in the van but when we're through hunting we'll bring him in he says okay so as we're walking he says we'll see you later as we're walking out mr. Wilson says to Mickey Mickey do me a favor I have a mule out in the corral and I would really he's 28 years old he's dying would you shoot him for me and Mickey says I don't want to shoot you a damn mule he says he says please he says you'll do me a favor I don't have to get the vet from town to come in and give him a needle it cost me $100 Mickey says all right so we're walking back to the van and Mickey says to me says let's have some fun with Billy so we go back to the van and we shake we get in the van and we shake Billy and wake him up and Mickey says to him Billy can you believe this son of a gun we drive nine hours from Dallas and now he's not going to let us hunt on his ranch with that Mickey opens the window and he shoots that I'm a mule right between the drops we hear out of the back when do we hear bang bang bang we turned around with civility what do you do I got three of his cows [Applause] I [Applause] I think that story just tells what what good friends the three of us are and Billy I've always admired that you know I just love Billy and Mickey and and and Billy was a good second baseman I just said good he's a good hitter he was a great manager for like but what he done best was to be a friend thank you behind Billy Martin was a great man Billy's Idol his first baseball manager man who taught Billy Martin everything he knows and I hope you're satisfied it's been affectionately referred to in baseball circles as Matilda the Hun ladies and gentlemen Larry bud Melman good evening baseball fans yes it's true I was Phillies first manager in fact I taught Billy all of the finer points of the game how to turn the pivot how'd it go the other way with two strikes and how to spike all four infielders during a home run truck Billy Martin was a true lover of the game of baseball he didn't play for money or fame like today's player the sound of the bat tracking a cactus helmet the wail of an infielder moaning in pain after a good clean slide that's what Philly played as a manager Billy was just as aggressive he didn't believe in the intentional walk for instance if he wanted to put a guy on base he just tell the pitcher to bean him the clean Phillies image was bad for baseball I resent that Billy loved the game and for port for its integrity who can forget the time he punched out Lena Horne for forgetting the words to the national anthem you know everybody gives casey stengel the credit for holding billy but i taught him things that take a lifetime to learn like how to get suspended with pay how to kick water on the empire during a rain delay how to use your fame and influence to pick up fabulous babes sure I was tough to play for but I only had three rules play hard play smart and if you're gonna get hurt try and take somebody out with you that was Billy Spri Tobin and we still teach it to our kids today it's not whether you win or lose it's how much much you make the other team pay for the victory good night is the busiest working entertainer in Atlantic City he starts in the morning doing magic at day care centers that it's been known that he runs bingo games for senior citizens in the park and at four o'clock in the morning he's been heard singing lullabies to the gamblin he's one of our favorites ladies and gentlemen Freddie Roma Thank You Alan Alan you're a great roast master and as most of you know Alan is also a great actor and a film producer as a matter of fact to get his part and memories of me he had to sleep with himself Billy Billy I cannot tell you the pride is in New York keep growing up and and a fan I remember saving all my money just to buy baseball cards and and then finally the day came and I had 20 Billy Martin cards and I traded them for one Yogi Berra if only I had kept my original Mickey Mantle rookie card I'd be a rich man today which is more than I can say for Mickey Billy when you played it was a different ball game when you played the salaries were so different my god would you make 15 20 25 thousand years seventy five hundred dollars too much but it's amazing what the big salaries have done to the game today I see ball players in the dugout now reading The Wall Street Journal Billy when you played most of the guys couldn't read I found out why you warned number one it was as high as you could count but today in sports that's all you read about as ballplayers taking drugs drugs drugs what Billy when you and whitey and Mickey played that you didn't take drugs you were always too drunk but no one ever ever ever could question the integrity of Billy Martin he never threw a game that's right he threw up in a lotta game Billy I remember vividly vividly do I remember your press conference were you called Reggie Jackson a born liar Steinbrenner a convicted felon it was right and standing next to me Jimmy the Greek said can he ever learn to keep his mouth shut [Applause] bili while you're not in native New Yorker your everything in New Yorker loves and we miss you thank you we'll be right back from Harrods with Mickey metal right after this [Music] now let us German the manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers Tommy Lasorda well when you talk about managers of a major league baseball team you talk about a guy with class we talk about a battler you talk about a guy that has the intensity we talk about a guy that put forth all the effort that he had within him in order to manage a major league team you talk about a guy who really wanted to manage the Yankees real bad you talk about a tremendous leader enough about Dallas Green I just want to say this you and I have been friends for a long time I've admired you tremendously I thought that you were without a doubt one of the finest managers in baseball history you've shown over the years what a winner you are and you're one guy that can get the maximum ability out all the ballplayers who have played for you I wish you were still manage it again because you belong on the field you belong in a uniform you belong as a leader of a team and I hope that it won't be too long that you will be back managing again Billy you're a great guy you're a true friend and thank God you're a brute says good luck have a good night I know everybody there's gonna love you Billy you are a tremendous person god bless you and I hope you enjoy many many years of good health and happy you deserve them both good luck to everybody I know you were touched by Tommy's words you didn't know that he was drinking at the time he made this lady's job on a lot of funny notes in front of me for the introductions as you all know obviously this is a roast but I could I could not make fun anyway at this guy as a comedian it would like be making fun or being disrespectful of Chaplin in music it's Mozart in art it's Picasso and in baseball it's Mickey Mantle [Applause] it's the first standing ovation I've had since I got out of bed a while ago [Laughter] I can't believe I'm getting this chance Billy first time I really was like in 1950 and I was a rookie I was 18 years old and the Yankees take all their rookies to a the best rookies some of us was better than the real guys I'm not happy now anyway they took they took us to Phoenix Arizona and that's the first time I ever saw Billy and I couldn't believe it's the first time I ever saw a guy that had a nose bigger than the ball cap yeah yeah you ain't gonna believe this but here they traded Billy in 1957 because he was a bad influence on me and whitey I don't know if you all know it's not but in 1956 I led the league and everything I mean like 52 Billy I hit 365 but Ted Williams hit 388 and they said I didn't have a good year but anyway I would like to say one thing this is the only man I know in the world who can hear somebody giving him the finger [Applause] somebody somebody sitting in the back the room laughing he'll sleep there laughing it does I'm this like Saint Farley this is my two best friends I've got four boys four brothers my whole family I wouldn't trade any of them for these two guys right here this is my brother so is that I mean we had more fun I could probably still be playing if it wasn't for these two guys I surely wouldn't had to quit 18 or whatever well how old was I was 36 hours anyway I just like to say it's it's been a privilege being here and having this much fun I've had a great time thank you [Applause] [Music] I've been waiting for this intubation what can you say about Yogi Berra that Yogi Berra hasn't said worse it ain't over till it's over if you can't imitate a man don't try to copy him [Laughter] [Music] that's for you Frederick Trump but of all the things that yogi is said I found this in the stories my favorite he was once asked by a fast food cook if he wanted his pizza cut in 8 slices or 12 slices and yogi said you better make it 8 because I don't think I could eat 12 slaves you can't make that up what are the all-time greats number eight Yogi Berra I'm gonna burn I wish I could be that Billy but I think you got three guys over there it's gonna really roast you real good that's Vicki Mickey and mighty and Howard Cosell Alan King [Laughter]

Channel: Marc Anthony Video

Views: 70,213

Rating: 4.7282228 out of 5

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Id: ZZT4ZeZgqAw

Length: 36min 9sec (2169 seconds)

Published: Sat May 02 2020